01x06 - The Thunder Master

[bunniefuu]

Ah!

Sorry.

Am I, uh... disturbing you?

Uh...

I like to spend time on set
before the crew comes

and, uh, turns it into chaos.

So do I.

I have to absorb how it
feels as a real place.

I need to make sure it's, uh, haunted.

- Hm.
- Sorry, um,

I feel safer if, if you're not
pointing a g*n at me.

Am I that dangerous?

You are Irma Vep for me,
so, yes, you are dangerous.

Yeah, but off camera,
I am a nice person.

No, not to me.

Maybe later...

when the sh**t is over.

So...

is it haunted enough for you?

The set?

Well, um,

most of the time,

sets are soulless.

But not this one.

You have an actual ghost...

with a g*n.

Mira...

do you believe...

in the invisible?

The invisible.

I... guess so.

I mean, it depends on
what you call invisible.

Things that exist...

but you cannot see.

Like what?

Like, uh...

Wi-Fi.

- Wi-Fi...
- Yeah, Wi-Fi, yeah.

Sure...

um, yeah.

But then, I mean,

sometimes I feel like it's not there

and it's not working.

What about presences?

You mean the way a place
has some sort of soul?

- Or not.
- That you can't see but you can feel.

Yes,

- yes.
- I do.

Sets are...

eerie because they're real

and they're not real.

They look real,

but they're an imitation of reality...

just like dreams

are an imitation of reality.

You're right, like dreams.

Um, were you rehearsing?

I was.

Do you want to show me?

Are you sure I should
k*ll the Grand Vampire?

Oh yes.

We should get rid of him.

He's definitely not gonna be happy.

Screw him.

But I'm here for you...

so I'm in for the ride.

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Yes! Great! Yeah, you did it!

Now sh**t him again.

Empty the barrel.

Now, jump on him.

Yeah, with both feet.

J-Jump on him!

René, I have heels on.

I can't jump on him.

No, no, no. He's dead.
He, he doesn't feel nothing.

- Jump on him.
- I am so sorry.

It's okay, it's fine.

You have nothing to be sorry about.

This is between René and me!

He's a nutcase!

René, I will sue the hell out of you!

It's payback time!

You're going down!

- f*ck you.
- Oh!

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Thank you! Bye!

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Bye!

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Oh!

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Mm!

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Mm?

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Hm...

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Hm...

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Uh...

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Ah, merci.

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Technically, it wasn't su1c1de.

It was more like a... sex game.

Yeah, well, let's not
speak about the sex game

because it's not sure.

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Stop.

Hey, hey. Stop.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey!

Oh my god.

Hi.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

- I'm, I'm totally fine.
- You sure?

How good to see you.

Oh!

Yes. In the hotel.

I was, um, coming out of the elevator

and I saw him right there.

And he passed out.

No, no, no, he's fine.
He's in the shower.

I put him in a cold shower.

I think he's fine right now.

He didn't seem any
less coherent than usual.

He just... wanted
to go straight to set.

And I was like, uh,
"No, you need to rest."

Yeah. Oh no, it's fine.

I think he's done with the
shower. I'll call you back?

What the f*ck happened to you?

I don't know.

I-I was quietly sitting
in my hotel room

reading this really cool book
about dr*gs in n*zi Germany.

"Blitzed."

Heard of it?

- Never.
- It's fascinating.

Did you know all those
elite troops were on speed?

Okay.

Then there was a blank.

I woke up in a clinic...

drips in my arms.

Well, let me fill you in.

Seems you hung yourself

in the closet and passed out.

Ah, now I understand the neck pain

and the strangulation...

- I guess so.
- Strangulation mark.

I was wondering.

Please, eat something.

Yeah, nothing to worry about.

Something I do if
I can't get my d*ck up.

Does it work?

Usually, it works,
but sometimes I black out.

It's a, it's a thin line.

Seems this one was close.

- I've done much worse.
- Oh, I'm sure.

But now I feel fit as f*ck.

It just boosts you.

- Oh!
- You have no idea.

Well, seems the brain scan
showed no lesion, so...

Yeah, I think it's an excellent offer.

I need to discuss it again with Laurie.

Yo! Me and my team, we had
a second Zoom with the French.

And they seriously want
me to finish "Irma Vep."

You're really considering it?

Yeah.

I mean, I ain't give
'em my decision yet.

I told 'em to wait till tomorrow.

But Marvel pushed
back "Sharkman," and...

thought you'd be happy to go
to Paris for a few weeks.

- I am.
- And the money's good.

I'm sorry to be blunt,
but it's basically a hack job.

What you talkin' 'bout?
I mean, it's a prestige gig.

Honey, you shouldn't be
doing a TV show right now.

It's bad for your image.

How?

"Doomsday" performed well,

so you can build on the momentum.

This "Irma Vep" thing's
gonna take you nowhere.

- So you don't wanna go to Paris?
- Mm!

Of course, I wanna go to Paris.

Who doesn't wanna go to Paris?

But I care about you.

I'm concerned about
you and Mira, though.

No reason to be.

I sense there's no closure.

I don't know about her, but...

I'm perfectly fine with
being just friends with her.

- At a distance... of course.
- Well, if we do go,

- we'll make sure there's distance.
- Thank you.

What the f*ck happened with René Vidal?

Apparently, that m*therf*cker vanished.

- Really?
- Yeah. Cut his phone off.

- Nobody can contact him.
- You tried?

I sent him a text.

Did he text you back?

Kinda. He...

Never seen no GIF like this.

See, I interpret it
as him sayin', "Be my guest."

Mm... it strikes me

for something a little less nuanced,

like, "Go f*ck yourself."

Have you tried René again?

Turned his cell off.

I sent him a couple texts.

I'm not surprised.

Just disappointed.

I committed to this show
because of René.

I could feel betrayed.

- I'm sure he's in pain.
- I know.

But now we're stuck with Herman.

They need your approval.

You know I'm going to give my approval.

What else can I do? There
aren't many options anyway.

At least he's the evil I know.

Herman is not evil.

I'm scared though.

Why?

I miss Laurie.

I don't.

I called her this morning.

- She didn't pick up.
- Why the f*ck did you call her?

She'll be in town.

We might as well set the rules.

Laurie doesn't play by any rule.

Don't let her hurt you
more than she already has.

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Uh...

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Herman.

Ugh, I'm in a complete panic.

They want me to replace
René just to save the day.

Sounds like a great opportunity to me.

Grab it.

But I'm not prepared,

and it's not even my project.

Make it your project.

For a day?

Mira needs your help.

I'm the one who needs
all the help I can get.

Oh, come on. You'll be fine.
It's only one scene.

Let me show you something.

I stayed up all night looking
up references to prep.

- What the hell is that?
- You know Kenneth Anger?

Experimental filmmaker.

René always mentions
him as an inspiration.

Should I know him?

He doesn't see himself as a director,

but... as a magus.

- You mean a magician?
- No, magicians do tricks.

A magus believes in...
invisible forces.

He believes that actors are spirits

and movies are magic rituals.

And what exactly is the purpose
of movies as magic rituals?

To invoke Lucifer.

You mean some sort of,
uh, satanic ceremony?

No, not at all.

It's like Lucifer is the fallen angel

but he's literally
the carrier of light.

His movies are about conjuring Lucifer?

No, they're about accessing that light.

What's your point?

All movies are about
accessing the light.

All movies are about...

- Maybe the good ones.
- Yeah, the good ones.

And if you don't believe
in the invisible, then...

then you just don't make good movies.

Is this something that they
taught you in film school?

No, and this is the part of cinema

you gotta learn by yourself.

No one teaches you that.

You know you sound exactly like René?

- Your blouse.
- Thank you, Ms. Director.

Only for the day.

And then I'll turn back
into my usual pumpkin.

Look, here's Anaïs Nin as Astarte,

- Goddess of the Moon.
- She plays Astarte?

No. I mean, she's... being Astarte.

You know, that's the major difference.

So, you mean that
I have to be Irma Vep?

No, you have to let Irma Vep be you.

For "The Vampires" to be a better show?

For "The Vampires" to be art.

- As opposed to?
- Entertainment.

It's not supposed to be entertaining?

Well, of course, it's
supposed to be entertaining,

but it could be more than that.

So, uh, how do you see your first sh*t?

First, the camera's here...

the entrance to Moreno's flat.

And then, we have a close-up

of the nefarious Satanas

as he puts on his poisonous spike.

Then he rings Moreno's bell

to confront him and Irma Vep about

the Grand Vampire's m*rder.

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And action.

Don't worry, my dear.

He's only paralyzed.

In five minutes,
he'll be back to normal.

And he will have learned his lesson.

No one messes with The Vampires.

The man you k*lled and whose body...

is in this trunk,

was a subordinate.

I, Satanas...

am the true Grand Vampire.

I want you to join The Vampires.

If you don't swear your
allegiance to me by tomorrow,

you will be k*lled at AM.

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D'accord, d'accord.

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Oui?

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Whoo!

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Garçon?

Champagne.

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Whoo!

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René's Voicemail:
Hi, this is, uh, René Vidal.

Don't, don't leave any messages.

I will never return them. Thank you.

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We could redo the buttons.

We could send it to Mike.

He did all the buttons for "Doomsday."

He'll do it, you think?

Yeah, we have plenty of buttons

leftover from "Doomsday."

Okay.

Well, anyway, enough
about me. How was your day?

Oh, we just rode
around, looked at all the main sets.

Just to get the mood.

I can get a vibe of what's goin' on.

Okay, did you like it?

Not really, no.

I mean, you start tomorrow.

That doesn't really give
them much time to fix things.

Why is why I have
to fix the most important things.

René, cheap ass. I mean, not cheap.

In the art world,
they call it a minimalist.

He's a minimalist.
Not me. I like big sh*t.

- Oh, I know.
- It's frustrating.

There's this scene where this b*mb

is supposed to go off
in this nightclub.

He wanna sh**t it in a dump.

I'm like, you don't
sh**t that in no dump.

You go to Moulin Rouge,

or Folies Bergère, or somethin' big.

f*ck that little sh*t.
You know what I'm sayin'?

Herman, this is a TV show,

not a movie.

- They don't have the budget.
- I know, I know.

But at the end of the day, I'm just
trying to do my best with what I know.

Hollywood, blockbusters.
I grew up on 'em.

Didn't mean to judge.

I know I'm not a Coen Brothers.

Them m*therf*ckers are geniuses.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.

I hate when you do that.
Don't be self-deprecating.

You're going to make...
great movies one day.

If movies are still being made.

No, they will.

I got somethin' for you.

- What?
- I got a surprise.

- What?
- Yeah... Don't move.

- Are we celebrating something?
- One second.

Woo!

You're crazy.

Yes.

Baby...

- Pick a hand.
- Left hand.

Both, come on!

Wow.

It's a surprise.

Open it, it don't bite.

- Ay!
- Ooh.

Wow.

- Herman.
- What, you don't like it?

It's so beautiful.

It's an apology for
takin' a hack job in Paris.

I never said it was a hack job.

You kinda said it was a hack job.

Okay, fine, I said it was a hack job.

Wanna put it on?

- Yes.
- Let's do it.

Oh, wow.

This latch can be tricky.

I mean, French latches.

Voilà.

Ooh.

It's gorgeous. Damn!

Ah, I don't wanna break it.

Here, let me help you take it off.

Ah, it's so pretty.

Ooh, mamacita!

Yeah, what's up?

sh*t.

g*dd*mn!

Have you heard from Mira?

Been avoiding her.

She been askin' about you.

She said she texted you.

Yeah, I've been busy.

I'll respond tomorrow.

Maybe.

You're just toyin' with her.

Herman, she used me as her sex sl*ve.

Come on, babe. That's a bit dramatic.

Yeah, well... she doesn't like that

I'm not the submissive
groupie she once knew.

- I'm a woman.
- Yes, you are.

I'm not a puppet.

- You want revenge?
- No.

But I won't let things
spin out of control again,

- that's for sure.
- Such a badass.

Yes, I'm a badass.

I'm a badass.

You know I'm ticklish there. Stop it!

Baby.