01x15 - Hot Tubby's

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Side Hustle". Aired: November 7, 2020 - present.*
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After accidentally setting their principal's boat on fire, best friends Lex, Presley, and Munchy create an app to get jobs to pay off their debt.
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01x15 - Hot Tubby's

Post by bunniefuu »

-It all comes down to this,

the final frame
of the Melon-Ball Championship,

a sport with a storied history

that goes back to minutes
ago, when we invented it.

-Munchy, why are you
talking like that?

-Because I'm practicing to be

one of those annoying
golf commentators.

And this is how they talk.

-Roll that melon!

-Stop that melon!

-A most unexpected
development.

-What are you doing, Fisher?

-This honeydew is a part
of my Rube Goldberg machine.

-For our viewers at home,
a Rube Goldberg machine

is an overly
complicated contraption

that accomplishes
a simple task.

It seems unlikely
that Presley knew that.

-I did not.

You can have your honeydew when
we're done playing melon-ball.

And you'll never know
we used it.

-Oh, actually,
I made holes for my fingers.

-Lex, I can't be mad at you.

But I can be mad at you.

Presley, hands off my stuff.

-What?!
-I won the contest

for Best Rube Goldberg Machine

four years in a row
until last year.

-What happened last year?
-Dad happened.

He tripped into my machine

before it could finish,
so I lost.

That's why I'm bringing in
an assistant this year

to dad-proof my machine.

You owe me a honeydew.

-As Lex prepares
for the final frame,

a hush falls over the crowd.

[cell phone chimes]

[cat yowls]

-Hey!
We got a KidDING.

It's from that store that sells
hot tubs, Hot Tubby's.

-Great.
We need money to pay Tedward.

-We are still in debt
from accidentally

blowing up his boat.

-Whoa, they want us to produce
a commercial

for a contest at their store.
-We can do that.

Munchy, you can be
the cameraman.

And, Lex, you can write
the commercial.

-And what are you gonna do?

-I am gonna be the one
who bosses everyone around.

Watch.

Time is money, people!
Time is money!

-You're really good at that.
-Thanks.

Let's take five.
And action.

[upbeat music]

-[gasps] I've never seen
so many hot tubs.

And I've seen six!

-Well, hello.

You must be the KidDING kids.

Welcome to Hot Tubby's.

I'm Tubby,
and this is my son, Lil' Tubby.

-Afternoon.
-Howdy.

-[chuckles]

These are the kids that are
gonna be making our commercial.

They made one
for their KidDING business

that was hotter
than a $ biscuit.

-Does that mean you liked it?

-Do you need four bulls
to make a rodeo?

-Still not following.

-[laughs]
I like you kids.

Check this out.

Now, this is the hot tub
we're gonna be giving away.

Anyone who can guess
the correct amount

of Ping-Pong balls wins it.

Even these little orphans here.

-Thank you, Mr. Tubby.

We spent the last of our money
on a pencil

to fill out the form.

Farewell.

-Keep your hot tub
dreams alive!

-Well, Mr. Tubby,

we are excited
to make your commercial.

-Did you get the script
I sent?

-Oh, sure did.

We memorized
the whole dang thing.

Didn't we, Lil' Tubby?

-Well, let's get started.

Time is money, people!

-She's good.

♪ ♪

-All right, Tubbys,
we're gonna get going.

Just relax, there's nothing
to be nervous about.

-Nervous?
sh**t.

I've been selling hot tubs

since June bugs
was called April bugs.

-Great.
Okay, let's get started.

And action.

-Wait.
What's my line?

-"Hi, I'm Tubby."

-Cut.

And action.

-W-wait,
were you talking to us?

Hi, I'm Lil' Tubby,
and this here's Big Tubby.

-Cut!
-Oh!

Hi, I'm Tig Bubby.

Hi, I'm Hot Tubby.
This is my hot tub, Lil' Tubby.

-Daddy, you called me
a hot tub.

-Oh, ding dang-it!

Why are there flies?

So if you can guess the right
amount of Ping-Pong balls,

you win this hot tub.

-Tubby, can you face
the camera, please?

-Which one?

-There's only one.

-Ah.

They're everywhere!

Guess the right amount
of Ping-Pong balls,

and you can win a hot tub.

-Can you back up?

Your face is right
in the camera.

-Are you sure?
I mean, this feels right to me.

Swat harder, boy.

Hot tub, hot tub, hot tub.
Hot tub, hot tub, hot tub.

And you can win a hot dog.
-Cut.

-Oh, ding dang-it!

-How much more do
we have to sh**t?

-Counting this?
All of it.

[sighs]
Let's take a five!

[bright music]

[knock at door]

-Hello, Mr. Fisher.

I'm Horrigan,
your new lab assistant.

-You're right on time.
Which is five minutes late.

-I'm so sorry, Mr. Fisher.

I'd just like to thank you
for taking a chance on me.

I've seen every Rube Goldberg
video you've posted,

and they are awe-inspiring.

-If you like those,
check out this year's machine.

-Ooh.
-You're right to "ooh."

This is just
a small part of it.

The finished machine
is gonna be huge.

-So how can I help?

-You're here for two things.

-Good friends and good times?

-No and no.

We're not here to be friends.

-So what am I here for?

-One, when I ask
for something,

you say, "Yes, sir!"

-Yes, sir!

-Two, these machines
are very delicate.

It's your job to protect it.

-Protect it from what?
-My dad.

I love him, but everything
he touches turns to broken.

-Hey, Fisher!
Who's your friend?

You guys want me to make you
some popcorn shrimp?

Oops.

Ooh, that's neat!

-See what I mean?

[lively music]

-Okay, Mr. Tubby,

we're finished
with the commercial.

-We think you're
gonna be happy.

-That sounds fantastic.
Step into my office.

-[gasps]
Hot tub office!

Just like in the movies.

Ooh, what does this button do?

-Careful!

Do not touch that button.

-But I love touching buttons.

-That button turns
on the hot tub jets.

It activates a -volt,
-jet experience

we like to call
"The Hurricane."

[chuckles]

-Let's just show you
the commercial.

[cheerful music]

-Hi.

-That's Big Tubby and Lil'
Tubby of Hot Tubby's Hot Tubs.

And they're having a contest.

If you guess how many
Ping-Pong balls

are in this hot tub,
you'll win it!

So come on down to
Hot Tubby's and say...

-Hi.

-So what do you think?

-Well, I only said one thing.
-We know.

And we're sorry, but we used
all the usable footage.

-Well, I'm not paying
for that commercial.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa,
we did the best we could

given how awful you two
were in front of the camera.

-[gasps]
Awful?

I did acting better than
Tom Selleck on "Blue Bloods!"

-What my friend is saying
is that

while this commercial
wasn't your cup of tea,

we still worked hard on it
and we deserve to get paid.

-I appreciate
the change in tone.

-Oh, good.
So you'll pay us?

-Oh, not a chance.

Get out of my store.

-We're not leaving
until we get paid.

-Well, I guess I'll just have
to turn on the security system

and have the authorities
make you leave.

Activate Tub-a-tron.

[device whirrs]

-Authenticate password.

-Big Tubby loves ribs.

-Tub-a-tron security system
activated.

-Okay, but how serious
can a hot tub store

security system really be?

all: Whoa!

[alarm blaring]

-[yells]
-It's serious!

[screaming]

-♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds
when we're side-by-side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off,
gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go up
in flames, we're on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me,
we got this ♪

-All right, I know we're upset

because Tubby wouldn't pay us
for the commercial we made,

but I've got something
that's gonna cheer us up.

Ukulele solo.

[pleasant ukulele music]

♪ ♪

I don't know what I expected.

-I know something
that will cheer us up:

the sweetest two letters
on Earth, T-V.

-You're watching
"Karaoke Kickoff."

-Good call, Munchy.

-I still love
watching this show.

-And we will be right back!

-Ding dang-it.
[cheerful music]

-Hi.

-That's Big Tubby and Lil'
Tubby of Hot Tubby's Hot--

-Hey, that's our commercial!

-This is a bunch of crud!
-Grade-A crud!

-First, Tubby doesn't like
our commercial.

Second, he doesn't pay us.
Third, he uses it anyway.

And fourth, I'm mad
about the first three things.

We have to do something.

-Presley, play the ukulele,
but angry this time.

-We can't let them
get away with this.

We need a plan.
-I've got it.

We study hard,
get into a good college,

then law school,
become lawyers,

then take them
to a small claims court.

-Good, but maybe something
a little quicker.

-Okay, I'm not sure
where I'm going with this,

but gummy worms.

-No, we have to hit him
where it hurts.

I got it!

We win the contest and take
the hot tub as our payment.

-But how are we supposed
to figure out

how many Ping-Pong balls
are in that hot tub?

-Wait.
Hot tub.

Water. Waves. Oceans.

"Ocean's Eight"
starring Sandra Bullock.

-What's your point?

-My point is it's
a very underrated movie.

And they pull off a heist.

That's what we should do.

-Yes, we sneak into the store,

count the amount
of Ping-Pong balls,

enter the contest, and win!

-Guys, I don't know.

-Ugh, this is when you tell us

about how we should
"avoid prison."

-I don't know
how we got so smart!

Let's do this!
-[yells]

-Boop.
-Boop.

-Boop.

all: Boop!
[imitates expl*si*n]

[light music]

-Okay, phase one of my
Rube Goldberg machine is ready.

-Before we move to phase two,
sir,

can I get a selfie with you?

I want to document
this historical moment.

-Fine.
But I'm not smiling.

-I can't make
the same promise, sir!

[camera shutter snaps]

I do have one tiny suggestion.

-Ugh!

-I couldn't help but see
you replaced the honeydew melon

with cantaloupe.

And since the densities
are different,

it's not going to trigger
the next part of the machine.

-Holy Heisenberg.
You're right!

Nice job, Horrigan.

-Popcorn shrimp's ready!

♪ ♪

-Whoa, Munchy, great job
on this model of Hot Tubby's.

-Thanks, I had to take apart
my pirate ship

and half of a space shuttle,
but it's worth it.

-All right,
let's go over the plan.

Here's what we know from
the hours of footage we took

while filming the commercial.
-Hold on.

Need a little heist music
to set the mood.

[sly jazz music playing]

♪ ♪

-Ooh, I like that.

Okay, first things first,

the front door
is not gonna be an option.

So we'll carefully drop in
from the ceiling.

[all screaming]

As long as we drop in slowly,

we won't activate
the laser grid.

But if it is activated,
don't worry.

We have a gymnastics champion
on our crew.

♪ ♪

I did some research
on Tubby's security system.

Once we deactivate the lasers,

we'll have to disarm
the alarm system.

Unfortunately,
it's voice controlled.

So the only person who can
turn off the alarm is Tubby.

-But we don't have Tubby.

Let's go back
to my lawyer idea.

-Hang on.
We don't need Tubby.

We have hours recorded
of him screwing up his lines.

-[gasps]
Perfect.

We'll have Munchy
edit together the password.

-Deactivate Tub-a-tron.

Authenticate password.

-Big Tubby loves ribs.

-Tub-a-tron powering down.

-Then the most
important thing:

celebratory fist bump.

-Boop.
-Boop.

-Boop.

all: Boop!
[imitates expl*si*n]

-Whoa, I can't believe
that worked.

What happens now, Presley?

-I honestly didn't think
we'd make it this far.

-We have four hours
until the store opens.

Let's count
those Ping-Pong balls

so we can win this contest
and get out of here.

-Okay.

-One.
-One.

-One.
-Two.

-Two.
-Two.

-Three.
-Three.

-Three.
- , .

- , .
- , .

- , .
- , .

-Wait, how come it looks
like the same amount

of Ping-Pong balls
are in there?

-No idea.

, .

-Munchy, are you putting
the Ping-Pong balls

back into the hot tub?

-Yeah, I mean, we'll have
to put them back anyway.

I'm saving us time.

-Munchy, how are we supposed
to know the amount

of Ping-Pong balls in here

if you keep
putting them back in?

-This was not covered
in the plan.

-Get a move on, Lil' Tubby!

-Tubby's here!
-Quick, hide!

-Into the tub!

-Glad it's full of Ping-Pong
balls now, aren't you?

[lively music]

-The alarm system isn't on.

Lil' Tubby, how many times
have I told you

to turn it on before you leave?

-I did.

-That's Big Tubby.
-And Lil' Tubby.

-Shh!
Get down.

-Munchy, your hair
is sticking out.

-Oh, sorry.

-So what's the plan,
Uncle Tubby?

-We already know

that there's ,
Ping-Pong balls in there.

We're gonna put this form
with the right number

and Patsy's name in the box.

That way, she'll win.

-So I get a free hot tub?

-No, you give it back to us.

This way, we don't really have
to give away a hot tub.

I love cheating,
like when I cheated those kids

into making us
a free commercial.

[chuckles]

Would you look at that.

The orphans actually guessed
the right number.

They must be pretty smart.

Oh, well.
[laughs]

Okay, Patsy, remember,

when they announce you
as the winner,

try to act surprised.

-I can do that.
Watch this.

I won!

-Work on it.

Okay, let's go get us
a country breakfast

and come back
when the store opens.

-I'll race you to it,
Big Tubby!

-[yells, chuckles]

Nobody beats me to a biscuit.

-[gasping]

-Were you holding your breath
that entire time?

-Wait, you guys weren't?

-We can't let them cheat
to win that hot tub.

That's what we were gonna do.

-Well, we know the winning
number of Ping-Pong balls now.

We could enter and win.

-Oh, yes, and to make sure
Patsy doesn't win too,

we could change the amount
of Ping-Pong balls

that are in the hot tub.
Like this.

both: Ah.

-Okay, let's sneak out
of here,

and by this time tomorrow,
this baby will be ours.

-You turned on
the hurricane jets!

-Turn it off!
-Okay!

-Those jets
are really impressive.

-Okay, focus.

We need to pick up
all these Ping-Pong balls,

get them back
into that hot tub,

and get out of here
in the time it takes Tubby

to eat a country breakfast,

which I don't imagine
is very long.

[upbeat music]

-All our work comes down
to this.

You ready?
-Yes, sir!

-Are all the
cameras recording?

-Yes, sir!

-Do you have the remote?

-I want to say, "Yes, sir!"

But it's in your pocket.

-There it is.
Okay.

When I hit this, the chain
reaction will start in my room.

Ready the tablet.

Wait a second.
Where's my dad?

-I sent him out for sherbet.

-Perfect.
We're all set.

Three, two, one.

[inquisitive music]

♪ ♪

It's working!
Fisher, you're a genius!

-It's beautiful.
-I'm back with sherbet!

-No!
My dad!

Protect the machine!

[tense music]

♪ ♪

-You guys have to
try this, it's--oh!

-[in slow motion]
No!

♪ ♪

[fanfare plays]

-Horrigan, are you okay?

-I'm so cold from the sherbet.

Did your machine work?

-Our machine worked,
thanks to you.

You stopped my dad
from messing it up.

You're a hero.

And my friend.

-Yes, sir.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

-Thank y'all
for your patience.

While you're waiting
to see who won,

check out some of our hot tubs,

'cause the only thing more fun

than winning a hot tub
is buying a hot tub.

-I have tabulated the official
number of Ping-Pong balls.

-I won!

-Not yet.

-The winning number is , .

-I think you mean , .
Now!

-I won!

-There is no Ping-Pong
ball , .

-What?
That can't be right.

There's gotta be
another ball in there.

-Sir,
I am a professional counter.

I do not make mistakes.

-Where's that other ball?!

-According to these entries,

four people had
the winning number.

-What?
How did this happen?!

-Well, gosh, Tubby.

If four people
guessed the right number,

you have to give away
four hot tubs.

-It almost seems like someone

took out
one of the Ping-Pong balls.

-That might have looked
something like this.

-[gasps]

-And then those same
somebodies must have put

an entry in the box so that
they could win a hot tub.

Until their friend
reminded them

that they could also help some
other people win a hot tub,

which is why this group
of orphans

just won three hot tubs!

all: Yay!

-You cheated.

And I hate cheaters
that aren't me.

I'm not giving away
four hot tubs!

-As the official counter,

I must inform you,
yeah, you are too.

[cheering]

-Well, we got our revenge.
What should we do now?

-We could walk out of the door
in slow motion.

-Let's do it.

-I feel just like
Sandra Bullock.

["Battle Without Honor
Or Humanity" playing]

♪ ♪
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