02x04 - Scare Bear

[bunniefuu]

-[sighs]

That was the worst haunted house ever.

I stomp in protest!

-The only scary thing was having

to pay $ each.

I could have bought twenty things

from the ninety-nine cents store.

-Every haunted house we've been to is the same.

Ooh, skeleton. Ooh, vampire.

Ooh, man with a chain saw.

That stuff isn't scary.

-I'll tell you what's really
scary, waking up for school

and realizing you didn't charge your phone.

-Stop it.

-Or how about getting a friend
request from your parents?

Both: No!

-See, that's the kind of real life stuff

that would scare people.

-Well, the only good thing
about that haunted house,

they had candy on the way
out. Presley, you want some?

-Do you want me to eat garbage?

Because this is garbage.

-Pretty sure it was candy.

-There's only one kind of candy that matters...

-Chocolate?
-This is not chocolate.

It's Choc-o-lat.

And it's made by monks who live in Switzerland

in a cave under a glacier.

-Ooh, can I try some of your cave chocolate?

-No, you may not. It is outrageously expensive.

This bar has to last me
until I can afford another one,

which is why I take such small bites.

That bite was larger than normal,

but it's almost Halloween so.

-What if there was a way
we could all afford Choc-o-lat?

-You have my attention.
Which means you have hers.

-It's true. We share the same attention.

-We could make our own haunted house

with the stuff we were just talking about!

-Yes! And then we can make money

and actually scare kids.

-This sounds fun. Costumes! Decorations!

Spooky voices.

Ooh, I'm already getting into character!

-You know what we should
put in our haunted house?

Your super creepy old bear.

-You mean my super cute Huggy the Hugging bear?

-Weren't those the giant stuffed animals

with the glowing eyes?
-Yes!

And they also talk like this,

[high-pitched] I want a hug.

-Oh, I don't like that.

-Hug me, Munchy.
-No!

-Okay, you know what? I will bring Huggy,

but only because our haunted house is going to be

so scary that people will need hugs afterwards.

-You know who needs a hug? Munchy.

[high-pitched] Hug me, Munchy.
-No!

-Hug me, Munchy!
-[panicked yelps]

-Are you insane?!

You can't just leave a bowl of candy

and expect kids to take one piece.

-Why not?

-All my years of working the crosswalk

have taught me one thing: kids can't be trusted.

You're going to lose a fortune.

-This entire thing cost three dollars.

That includes the bowl.

-You don't understand, Milk Man.

First, kids steal a extra piece of candy.

Then, they steal a car.

Next thing you know, they steal

the Declaration of Independence.

-I think you're overreacting.
-If I was overreacting,

I would appoint myself as head

of trick-or-treat security...

which is exactly what I'm doing.

-Great. In that case,

it sounds like you don't need me.

-I'm watching you. One piece per person.

-Or what?

-As head of trick-or-treat security,

I'll be forced to take action.

-You don't scare me.
-[groans]

I might not scare you now...

but I will.

-Ladies and gentlemen,
kids of all ages, come one,

come all to Altoonisburg's
scariest haunted house!

-We're opening tonight at dusk...

the spookiest of all times!

-You're so good at that.

-Thank you.

So come on by, if you dare,

to our three-ring circus of terror!

-We're gonna scare the pants off you.

And if we don't, we promise
a money-back guarantee.

-Are you sure you want to do that?

-You're right.

We promise a money-back plus guarantee.

If our haunted house doesn't scare you,

we'll give you your money back plus five dollars.

See you tonight.

-Presley! You just promised everyone

we'd give them five
dollars if they aren't scared.

-Relax. We made a great haunted house

with a great theme, spooky circus.

I'll prove it's scary. I got someone to test it,

and he's coming right now. [lawnmower buzzing]

-[mimicking fanfare]

Whoa!

Tis I, Sir Lawn-celot!

-Dad, are you ready to test the haunted house?

-Sir Lawn-celot is always ready for a quest.

-Your haunted house awaits.

[door creaking]

-Enter! If you dare...

-I gotta get that squeaky door fixed.

-Greetings, and welcome to our haunted house.

I will be your guide

through our kitchen of psychological terror.

We've disrupted the concept of fear.

[laughing hysterically]

-I don't get it.

-Oh, you will.

Behold!

A laptop at the edge of the counter

that could fall at any moment.

Hope no one bumps into it!

-Huh. Here, let me fix it.

See, all good.

-Oh.

What's that? You want to call for help?

Well, too bad because...

-No cell service?
-That's right.

Someone could be texting you right now.

-It's okay--I'm trying to
live more in the moment.

YOLO, am I right?

-Well, then what about this?

You see that bowl of cereal?

The only available spoon is... [gasps]

At the bottom of this sink of dirty dishes!

Tick-tock, the cereal is getting soggy.

-Oh, I'm not hungry.

I drove my lawnmower through a drive-through.

They don't like it, but it's got four wheels,

so they gotta serve ya.

-You win this round, but now
we descend into the basement...

of nightmares.

Welcome to a new level of
terror, a circus gone wrong!

-[shrieks] You have to help me!

Our circus animals are fighting back!

Look!

-This bear is out of control!

Save yourself!

-Aww, Lex, look,

it's Huggy the Hugging Bear
from when you were little.

-I want a hug.

-Well, bring it in, my furry little friend.

-You're not scared at all?

-He wasn't scared in the kitchen

of psychological terror either.

-I should've warned ya, I'm pretty hard to scare.

[yelps] Ladybug!

Get it off! Get it off!

-I want a hug.

-Zip it, Huggy!

-♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds when we're side-by-side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off, gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go up in flames, we're on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me, we got this ♪

-There are a ton of kids

coming to our haunted house tonight.

-Why did you tell everyone
we'd give them five dollars

if we don't scare them?

-Because I thought ten would be too much.

-What are we gonna do?

Your dad was more scared of a ladybug

than our haunted house.
-I know.

And now I'm stress eating my precious Choc-o-lat.

I'm out of control!

-We just need to work together and figure it out.

-Or we can just ask my brother.

Fisher, we need your help.

-Sorry, we have plans.

We loaded what is scientifically

the scariest marathon of monster movies

of all time onto that flash drive.

-We're going to watch until we pass out from fear

and/or exhaustion.

-Fisher, we really need your help.

-I'll drop everything.

-But, sir, our plans.

-Some things are more
important than scary movies...

like Lex.

-Duly noted, sir.

-What did you have in mind?

-For starters, we need to make Huggy scary.

-Well, I already told you. He
is way too cute to be scary.

You know his backstory. He
comes from the planet Love.

And giving hugs is his superpower.

-We don't have a choice.

Fisher, put some scare in that bear.

-On it. I can make anything scary.

Horrigan, bring it to my lab.

-I'd be happy to, sir.

I don't like you.

-♪ The itsy bitsy Jaget
came down the waterspout ♪

And saw a candy thief!
-[screams]

-Feels good to help people. Spider Jaget, up!

-So what are you doing to Huggy?

-I used the research from
when I built this robot arm

to give him a robotic skeleton.

Then I uploaded an
artificial intelligence program

that will make Huggy be able
to move around on his own.

All: Ooh!

-We're going to power him up with these cables

that run out the window

and attach directly to the power line.

-Smart.

-And the last thing to do

is insert this flash drive
to program its behavior.

I loaded it with fun haunted house videos,

so Huggy will know how to playfully scare people.

Okay, Horrigan, insert the flash drive

and put your goggles on.

-Oh, do we get goggles?

-"Oh, do we get goggles?"

That's what you sound like.

-What's with you?

-I was going to watch all these scary movies

with my best bud and you ruined it.

-Horrigan, the flash drive.

-You and me aren't done.

Flash drive inserted.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

-[laughs maniacally]

-Is no one gonna say "It's alive"?

'cause I think someone should say "It's alive."

-Yeah, you can do it. I say it all the time.

-It's alive! It's alive!

-Are you sure this is safe?

-Of course. And if anything goes wrong,

I can use this remote to shut Huggy down.

-[growls]
-[groans]

-It ate the remote!
-Everyone, relax.

It's just a stuffed animal.

My Choc-o-lat!

Forget what I said. It's a monster!

-Fisher, why did my lovable Huggy the Bear

just turn into a living, breathing demon?

-I have no idea.

Horrigan. A word, please.

-Yes, sir?

-You put the flash drive

with fun haunted house
videos into the bear, right?

-Yes, sir.

-Then why does the flash drive in your hand say

"Fun haunted house videos"?
And follow up question,

where is the flash drive with the monster movies?

-I--I don't know, sir.

I must've mixed up the flash drives.

-Horrigan, you put the flash drive

with the scariest movies on
the planet in the bear's brain!

-Sir, can I go on the record and say "Oops."

-This is a huge problem! We gotta find that bear

before people show up to your haunted house.

-Don't worry.

We have plenty of time to find the bear.

As long as we don't let anyone in, we'll be fine.

Problem solved.

-♪ I got a spoon from ♪

♪ The bottom of that dirty sink ♪

♪ To eat cereal leftover from a haunted house ♪

[knock at door] Ladybug!

Nope, just the door.

-We're here for the haunted house.

And for the free five dollars.

Donk doesn't get scared. I'm Donk.

-Well, come on in!

So this is the kitchen of psychological terror.

-I want a hug.

-Oh, look, it's Huggy the Hugging Bear.

Hey, little buddy. What're you doing up here?

Why do you have the meat cleaver?

You gonna make some pork-chops?

Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom! [laughs]

-[snarls]

-[screaming]

He's not making pork-chops!

He's not making pork-chops!

Onward! Hiya!

[shouting indistinctly]

-Be on the lookout for Huggy.

-I don't see him.

-Well, we heard screaming,

so he's gotta be around here.

-Donk? What happened?

-There was a bear in the kitchen!

-What? We were just in the kitchen

and didn't see it.
-Well, it was there

and it was alive!

It said it wanted a hug,

but then it just kept squeezing.

-Oh, no, we are so sorry!

-Sorry? It was awesome!

It clawed my shirt. Best haunted house ever!

[all cheering]

-Wait, wait, wait, so you
don't want your money back?

-No way! Donk's getting back in line!

I'm Donk.

-Guys, we did it! Our haunted house is scary!

-Maybe this Huggy situation isn't a problem.

-The bear, it has Horrigan.

I tried to save him, but
this vest is all I could grab...

-This Huggy situation is a problem.

-Fisher, what happened?

-Horrigan and I were in my
lab retooling my machine.

Huggy came in and att*cked us.

-Did you hurt yourself fighting off the bear?

-Kind of.

I tripped on Horrigan as I was running away.

We have to go rescue him!

[groans]

-Fish, you're hurt. We'll handle this.

Okay, you two rescue Horrigan.

I'll start charging people
to go in our haunted house.

-Presley, we can't let people in our house

with a k*ller teddy bear on the loose!

-Okay. Well, that is a little judgy.

We do not know that he is a k*ller.

-He's gonna k*ll me!

[all cheering]

-Seriously.

There are rules to haunted houses

and m*rder bears cross the line.

-Ugh, fine, ya bunch of babies.

-Attention.

We're experiencing technical difficulties.

The haunted house is temporarily closed.

-Boo!

-[laughs] The ghost said boo.

Both: Let us in, Munchy!

All: Boo!

-Wait, wait! You didn't let me finish.

It's closed because we're making it even scarier!

[all cheering]

-Okay, Fisher, how do we take this bear down?

-We need that remote. He ate it,

so you're gonna have to
reach into his mouth to get it.

-Let's go show a toy bear who's boss.

-Jaget, I'm getting a lot of complaints.

-Good complaints?

-No! Complaints about you scaring people away.

I haven't had a single customer
since you've been out here.

-You haven't had any candy thieves either.

-That's him!

That's the bug that scared me. Squash him!

-We're not afraid of you.
Isn't that right, Milk Man?

-He's all yours.

-Fine, I don't need him.

I can take you kids with seven
arms tied behind my back.

-Looks like the spider got his
arms caught in his own web.

-Don't you take that candy!

No!

This is my worst nightmare!

-Sir Lawn-celot will save you!

[shouting melodically]
-[screams]

-You're safe now.

Kids need to learn to leave spiders alone.

Ooh, candy.

-Just one!

-Upstairs is clear.
[screams]

-What is it--the bear?
-No.

That laptop is just really close to the edge.

[all screaming]

-Huggy must have cut the power.

-Dude, this bear is messed up.

-Because we messed him up.

He was sweet before we
attached jumper cables to him.

-The circuit breaker is in the basement.

Follow me.

-Look, it's Horrigan!

-Okay, we'll get him.

Munchy, go find the circuit breaker

and turn the lights back on.
-On it.

-Okay. Let's get you to safety.

-Ahh, thank you.

But I still don't like you, Lex.

-Hey, be nice to my friend

or you get a sock in your mouth!

-Okay, now where is Huggy?

-Hey, I found the circuit breaker!

-I want a hug.

[all screaming]

-Where did Huggy go?
-Right there!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, buddy.

You don't wanna do anything crazy, do you?

-[growls]

-Oh, you do wanna do something crazy.

Guys, his mind's made up.

-We have to do something!

-Okay, Huggy is my bear. Let me talk to him.

Hey, Huggy. Remember me?

-[growls]

-It's Lex.

Don't you remember all the good times we had?

All the sleepovers? All the tea parties?

All the extra homework we did?

Remember that time you helped me blow out

the candles at my birthday?

I never told you, but my wish

was that we'd always be best friends.

So what do you say? How 'bout just one more hug?

-Aww, that's beautiful.

-I got him! I got the monster!

Help me pin him down!

-Lex, reach into his mouth and grab the remote!

-Aw, man.

Ugh, why is it wet?

Okay, I got it.

It's your dumb chocolate.

-It's my dumb Choc-o-lat.

-Hurry, Lex! His arms are strong

from all the hugging!

-I got it!

Wait, not so fast.

-You did it!
-We did it.

-Go us.
-What?

-I deserve this.

-Oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna have enough

to buy three Choc-o-lat bars!

-Oh, one for each of us?

-Uh, sure.

-Lex, Horrigan has something to say to you.

Horrigan.

-Thank you for rescuing me.

I apologize for my past meanness.

-It's okay--the important
thing is that you're safe.

Let's just be friends.

-I didn't say we would be friends.

-And if you'll follow me to the basement,

it only gets scarier!

-This haunted house is wack.

I want my money back plus five dollars.

[all screaming]

-Nice work.

-Yeah, thanks to Huggy, we kind of crushed it.

-And as long as we keep that remote safe,

we can do this all again next year.

-Hey, wait.

Where did that remote go?

-Oh, you know what, let's look for it later.

If we don't leave now,
we'll miss trick-or-treating!

-Yes, let's go!
-Yeah.

All [chanting]: Candy, candy, candy!

Candy! Candy!

Candy! Candy!

-I want a hug.