02x17 - Dinner for Jerks

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

-Whoever gets this next jelly bean

in Munchy's mouth wins.

-I love jelly beans, so I win no matter what.

-How'd you get money for jelly beans

when you still owe me money?

-We didn't pay for these.

We found them on the floor at the bus station.

-Floor food is always free. Life hack.

-I'm here to collect your payment

from your job at the hair salon.

-Oh, about that.

Instead of money, I got paid with a new look.

-I want to be mad, but it looks amazing.

Well, tell me why you turned down the job

that came in today.

-How did you know we turned down a job?

-I made science kid give me
full access to the KidDING app.

-Why would he do that?

-Because I told him I'll
call him by his real name.

-I can't believe Fisher did that.

-Who the heck is Fisher?

-Jaget, you really don't need
access to the KidDING app.

-Yeah, we have a system that works.

-I have a system that works, too.

It's called you do all the jobs

until you replace my dune buggy you m*rder*d.

-But the job we turned down was from Crunchy.

-He tries to hire us all
the time, but he's the worst.

-He's this really rich kid

who's tried to ruin our friendship with Munchy

multiple times.

-Hey, I didn't ask for bedtime stories.

I asked why you didn't take the job.

Here's the answer.

You did. [Notification chimes]

-He accepted the job for us!

-That's right.

I now control the sidewalks and cyberspace.

Cyber Jaget out.

Ooh, ah. [Imitates record scratching]

[babbles]

♪ ♪

-The livestream has started.

The top science-based video gaming companies

are logging on to see the demonstration

of your video game, sir.

-It's showtime, people. Gloria, are you ready?

-I'm always ready. It's kinda my thing.

-Hey, everyone. It's Fisher.

Today, I'm gonna demo the game I designed,

"Periodic Table Takedown."

I was going to demonstrate the game

with my assistant Horrigan,
but he gets motion sickness.

-Something I discovered

on a most unfortunate bus trip to summer camp.

-So I'll be competing against my friend, Gloria.

-Yes, we're friends

who kinda sorta went on
a couple dates-type-things,

but we're figuring it out

and you don't really need to know all this.

Please take over, Fisher.

-Yeah, okay.

Let's play "Periodic Table Takedown."

I created this game, so she
doesn't really have a chance.

-She's about to crush you.

-Enough talking. Gear up.

Fisher has chosen to battle as cobalt,

a powerful, lustrous metal.

Gloria will be potassium,

a risky move considering its low atomic mass.

The fight starts now!
-Fight!

[grunting and impacts]

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

-Wow, you're pretty good at this.

-Yes, I am.

♪ ♪

-Sir, she appears to have the upper hand.

-Oh, don't be ridiculous. I got this.

♪ ♪

Whoa!

-And you're dead.

-What?

This never happened!

-Thanks, Fisher. Let me know
if you ever want to lose again.

-Thanks for coming. That was fun!

That was a disaster!

How could I have lost at my own game?

I'm gonna be the laughingstock

of the science-based video gaming community.

-Plus, you lost to Gloria. And you like her!

[imitates smooching]

-Shut up.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

-Welcome to Crunchyham Palace.

-We've been here before.

-In fact, we're the reason
the last two butlers quit.

-You're welcome.

-I'd love to engage you in conversation,

but it's time for Crunchy's grand entrance.

[gong rings out]

[fanfare]

♪ ♪

-Hello, Lex, Presley, and Munchy.

-Oh, hey, Crunchy. Didn't see you come in.

-I'm so happy you finally accepted my KidDING.

I don't know why you didn't respond earlier.

-The app's really glitchy.
-Yeah, it's so frustrating.

-I thought we were just ignoring him.

When they look at me like that,

usually I've said something wrong.

They'll tell me what it was later.

-Well, when I was you accepted the KidDING,

I gave Hildred the day off.

-It's my first day off in a year.

I'm getting my oil changed, doing my taxes,

and getting married.

-We get it, you gave your butler the day off

and hired us to hang out with you

so you can try to be friends again.

-Sweet, silly Presley.

I gave her the day off because
you're gonna be my butlers.

All: What?

-I said...

you're gonna be my butlers!

-We know.

You already made us change into these outfits.

-[groans]

-♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds when we're side-by-side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off, gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go up in flames, we're on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me, we got this ♪

-Here's the thing, Crunchy.

It's not that we don't want to be your butlers.

-It's just that we don't know to be butlers.

-But I've always wanted to learn.

Both: Munchy!

-Listen up.

I'm throwing a dinner party tomorrow night

for some new friends.

-He's going to show off his magnificent table

that was just restored.

-It's from my great-great grandfather.

He threw a family out of their log cabin

and used the wood to make it.

-Sounds like your whole family is awesome.

-Hildred, don't forget to
teach them the butler dance.

They'll be performing it tonight at dinner.

-What's a butler dance?

-It's a dance my butler
does on special occasions.

Hildred, show them.

-With pleasure.

[grand orchestral music]

♪ ♪

-Oh, delightful!

I'll leave you butlers to your training.

Hildred, don't leave until
they're ready to take over.

-I'll get some supplies.

And tell my fiancé I'll be late to our wedding.

-This is the worst.

-No, this is perfect.

If this dinner party goes well,
Crunchy will have new friends

and he'll stop bothering us to be his friends.

-Okay, I guess we're gonna
learn how to be butlers.

-[posh accent] Indeed, madam.

Both: Ooh!

-So butler-y.

-The trick it to talk like a stuck-up cat.

♪ ♪

-Okay, sir.

I've run the diagnostic on your video game.

I've identified the problem.
-Good! What is it?

-It's you.
-What?

-Sir, there's nothing wrong with this game.

Gloria just outplayed you.

-But that's impossible. I created the game.

I can't lose to someone
who's never played before.

-We have a livestream recording

that proves you can, sir.

-Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

We're gonna alter the program

to help me b*at Gloria in a rematch.

-[gasps] You want to cheat?

-Is it really cheating

if I give myself an advantage
in a game that I created?

-Yes.
-Then yes, I want to cheat.

♪ ♪

-I feel pretty good about this.

Hildred was a great teacher.

-I don't want to be proud of this job,

but that's a good-looking table.

-[posh accent] Me-ow.

-For the last time, I'm not interested.

And please, stop calling, Grandma!

What have you done to my priceless table?

-We set it according to Hildred's specifications.

-Then what do you call this?

-A fork.

-Yes, it's a fork, but it's
the wrong kind of fork.

This is for shrimp, and we're having scallops!

I'll just clear the table so
you can fix your mistake.

-Hey, what are you doing?
-Stop! That took hours!

-Wait, wait, wait, wait, no!
-Stop! Please, stop! Oh!

-You will grow from this.

♪ ♪

-Okay, Horrigan.

Is everything ready for
Operation I'm Going To Win?

-You mean Operation Fisher's A Dirty Cheater

Because He's Afraid To Lose To Gloria?

-I like my way better, but yes.

-All you have to do is give me the signal

by scratching your nose
and I'll activate the cheat code.

-What if I have to scratch my nose for real?

-I'll the know the difference,
sir. It's my job to know.

-Okay, I'm ready for my rematch.

I grabbed you something to drink

so you could wash the taste
of losing out of your mouth.

-I've got a feeling that this
time's gonna be different.

But also, thank you. That's very thoughtful.

-I'm fine. Thanks.

♪ ♪

-Okay, we've reset the table.

How long until the guests are showing up?

[doorbell chimes]

-My guess is right now.

-I'm on it. Let me get into character.

[clears throat]

[progressively more posh] Good evening.

[progressively more posh] Good evening.

[posh accent] Good evening.

[normally] I'm ready.

-I can't wait to see which
fancy people Crunchy invited.

-Could be billionaires, could be celebrities.

-Hello, dummies.

-[posh accent] May I present Tabitha?

-Tabitha, what are you doing here?

-I got an invitation to a fancy party

in a fancy neighborhood.

I'd have to be as dumb as you to turn that down.

What are you doing here?

Besides not giving me bubbly apple juice?

-Well, actually, we're here--

-Don't care. Just give me the juice.

-Okay.

[doorbell chimes]

-Butler Munchy, don't you have to get that?

-[normally] No, I propped the door open

with a fancy statue with no arms.

-Hey, Bub, where's the grub?

-[posh accent] May I present Big Tubby?

-Wait just a lickety split!

You're the awful kids that
cheated at the hot tub contest

I was already cheatin' at!

-You're eating here tonight, too?

-Well, I didn't come here to
watch a pig whistle showtunes!

[laughs] [notification chimes]

-It's Crunchy.

He says, "Hit the gong, you idiots."

[gong rings out]

-Greetings, future friends!

So glad you could come to my humble home!

Who am I kidding? It's not humble.

It's the size of a mall.

-He ain't kiddin'!

I took my Christmas card pictures out front!

-Crunchy, how do you know Tabitha and Big Tubby?

-We've never met.

See, when you didn't respond
to my KidDING requests,

I spent a lot of time on your
app reading the comments.

-There's a comment section?

-Yes, and the people on there are savage.

-So I invited everyone who
gave you the worst reviews

here tonight.

-Wait, what?

-Since you clearly are not

going to agree to be my best friends again,

I'm going to give an evening
so awful, you'll never forget it.

-So this whole dinner

is gonna be full of jerks who don't like us?

-That's right.

Revenge is a dish best served

by the people you're trying
to get revenge against.

[doorbell chimes]

-[normally] Oh, no. More jerks.

-Not jerks!

Both: Jerkelvoss!

-I can't imagine a worse combination of people.

-Fancy Jaget in!

-I stand corrected.

♪ ♪

-Jaget, what are you doing here?

-As your new boss, I called Crunchy

to let him know to be as hard on you as possible.

-He sounded super-mean,
so I invited him to dinner.

You know, 'cause I hate you.

-So now, I'll be here keeping an eye on you kids.

And eating fancy soup!

[slurping loudly]

[glass rings]

-Thank you all for coming.

We've never met, but we
all have one thing in common.

Bad experiences with these three.

-You're ding-dang right there!
[chuckles]

-Later on,

these three will be performing
an elaborate butler dance.

But for now, let's go around my beautiful table

and say one thing you don't like about them.

-What? Why would you do that?

-You're a butler, not a talker-backer.

-[clears throat] Hello.

I'm Dutch and this is my sister, Greta.

-And I'm Greta, and this is my brother, Dutch.

-These kids stole our gift card

after we b*at them fair and square

in the sand castle competition.

-For the record, we won that competition,

but were disqualified.

-For the record, nobody cares. Now serve me soup.

-I'm Tabitha.

I hired these three to make a boy jealous,

which they did, but not how I wanted them to.

-[normally] So even though
you got what you wanted,

you're still upset?

-That's right. Don't try to understand me.

-Howdy.

I'm Big Tubby of Big Tubby's Tub-O-Ribs.

I used to sell hot tubs

and hired them to make a commercial.

Next thing I know, they force
me to give hot tubs to orphans!

Orphans!

After my hot tub store went belly-up,

I opened Big Tubby's Tub-O-Ribs

'cause Big Tubby loves ribs.

-I'm Jaget, and I have the saddest story of all.

Imagine the most beautiful dune buggy.

Now imagine it on fire,

screaming as it burns to a crisp!

Now stop imagining, because it happened.

And they did it.

-For shame on you.

-Hey, my dinner roll is stale.

-Oh, they're not for eating.
They're for chucking at them.

Join me, won't you?
-Wait, what?

-Well, I'm sorry--
-Ow, ow, ow, ow!

[laughter]

-Wait!

What is this?

-It looks like a drop of soup.

-That's right.

And it nearly soaked through the tablecloth

onto my priceless table that my ancestors built

from a stolen log cabin.

How did the soup get there?

-My guess is because Big
Tubby is eating soup with a fork.

-Hey, there's no wrong way to eat soup.

-You three are a complete disaster.

What made you ever think you could be butlers?

-You made us do it.

-You leave me no choice.

In order for you to learn to be proper butlers,

I'm f*ring Hildred and hiring you

to be my butlers full-time.

[notifications chime]

-We're not accepting that job.

-You don't have to, because I just did.

[notifications chime]

-Stop doing that!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

-I can't be a full-time butler!

I didn't even want to be a part-time butler!

-There's so much I wanna do with my life.

I haven't even been on a helicopter!

-I never got to go to Paris. It's in Las Vegas!

You can get a lemonade in a giant glass

shaped like the Eiffel Tower!

-And I've never hugged a dolphin!

What do we do, what do we do?

-There's not much we can
do. Jaget won't let us quit.

-And we still have to do that stupid butler dance

at the end of dinner.

-I mean, I will rock it, but
I won't be happy about it.

-Hey, wait. That's it.

We use the butler dance to our advantage.

-Yes.

We go on tour as dancing butlers!

-No, we use it to get Crunchy to fire us.

That way, we'll get out of this job

and there's nothing Jaget can do about it.

-How is dancing gonna get us fired?

Because again, I'm gonna rock it.

-Well, what does Crunchy love more than anything?

His table! We're going to destroy it.

But we have to make it look like an accident.

-Let's do it.

Boop.
-Boop.

-No.

Like a stuck-up cat.

[clears throat]

[post accent] Mm, boop.

-[post accent] Mm, boop.
-[post accent] Mm, boop.

All: Boop, boop.

♪ ♪

-Okay, we're live in three, two, one.

-Welcome back to "Periodic Table Takedown."

Today, we have a round two between me and Gloria,

who got very lucky last time.

-Lucky is finding an onion ring in your fries.

I kicked your butt.

-And the fight starts... now!

-Fight!
[grunting and impacts]

[energetic music]

-[gasps]

♪ ♪

You're about to go down.

-Yes, sir.

♪ ♪

-Oh, I've got you now.

-Jag-Jitsu prepares me for all situations.

[battle cries]

Yes!
-No!

-I worked on a celebratory
dance for the people at home.

-I can't believe you won again!

How is that possible?

-I guess I'm just better than you.

-I know!

That's why I had Horrigan
create a cheat code for me!

-You what?
-[chuckles uncomfortably]

I mean you got lucky again.

-I can't believe you cheated!

I've never been so hurt and upset in my--

-Oh, give it a rest, little missy!

-[chuckles] What's going on?

-Nothing. There's nothing going on.

-You don't tell him, I'm going to.

-Ugh, fine.

Before the first match,

I had Horrigan create a cheat code.

And I just used it again.

-Horrigan, you double-cheated?

-I couldn't resist the drama of it, sir.

Both of you doing the exact same thing,

and me being the only one who knew?

Dance, my little puppets!

-I'm sorry, Fisher, but Jag-Jitsu teaches us

if you're not cheating, you're not trying.

-I'm sorry for cheating, too.

I just wanted to impress those
video game big sh*ts online.

And if I'm being honest, I
wanted to impress you, too.

-Well, you weren't the only
one trying to impress somebody.

-Ooh, you two like each other!

[imitates smooching]

both: Shut up!

♪ ♪

-We finished first!

Both: Jerkelvoss!

-Oh, ding-dang it!

If I knew it was a race,

I'd have chewed with my mouth open to save time!

-You did.

-Oh, you're finally back.

-I saved you a roll.

-[chuckles]

-Sorry. We were just
preparing for our butler dance.

-Oh, delightful. You may begin.

[grand orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[energetic electronic remix]

What? What are you doing?

Get off my table!

♪ ♪

[wood creaking]

[gasps] It sounds like it's cracking!

Get off!

[wood creaking]
-It's working!

-Let's all jump at the same time!

♪ ♪

[wood creaking loudly]
-It's going down!

-You broke my table and souped my face!

-We're so sorry.

-We got lost in the music.

-Guess we're just not good butlers.

-Hey, Crunchy.

You look funnier than a necktie on a peach pie!

[laughs]

-Oh, you got a little something on your...

everything!

Both: Jerkelvoss!

-Oh, I think Soupface is gonna cry.

All: Aw.

-Soupface!

All: Soupface! Soupface! Soupface!

-Stop it!

It's not funny when you jerks are jerks to me!

-Disagree.
-This is extremely funny.

-I cannot believe you three.

-I only hired you so I can have my revenge,

but you messed it up 'cause you're such idiots!

-Hey, hey, hey! They work for me.

You can't call them idiots.
Only I can call them idiots.

-Thanks, bro.

-Quiet, idiot.

My employees will never work for you again.

Unless you pay double.

-Never.

-Then I stand by the first thing I said.

Let's get outta here.

Jaget and his g*ng of dune
buggy-destroying idiots out.

-Later, jerks.

-It's been awful.

-I'm keeping this suit.