01x05 - Would You Wrather Be the Principal's BFF?

[bunniefuu]

And that's how I got banned from the aquarium.

Well, it sounds like that penguin was asking for it.

(both laugh) Principal Walker is in our kitchen.

There's gotta be a law against this sort of stuff.

Principal Walker is in our kitchen.

I'm fine with them dating, but it's starting to feel like we never left school.

- (bell rings) - (screams) Relax, everyone.

It's just my ringtone.

Get it? It's the school bell.

By the way, thanks for bringing the froyo, Charlotte.

Discounted froyo.

One of the many perks of my new job at the skating rink.

What are the others? Well, this has been so much fun.

I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend Date Number Both: Four! And it's not even over.

Don't forget! Charades! Uh, why don't you guys start without us? We've got something we have to do.

- Principal Walker-- - Is in our kitchen! We get it! Let's go! Come, Ollie.

(whistles) Don't talk to your brother like a dog! Woof! Who am I kidding? Remember to take him for a walk.

That was so disturbing.

I don't know how I'm ever gonna get through this.

We're on.

(upbeat) What up, Wrather-heads! We tallied the votes from this morning, and it wasn't even close for Would your rather have 500 little bugs in your pants or one giant spider on your face? (strained) The bugs have made it into my underwear! (groans) Looks like Ollie's regretting being a part of this.

Ollie: No regrets! There you are! (both scream) It's time for charades.

Ooh! Are we internetting? What up, peeps! (quietly) Cut the feed! Cut the feed! (typing) I'm trying! It won't turn off.

I hope all you kids out there are doing your homework! Especially you, Greg! Whoo! Lookin' sharp, P.

W.

Code Red! - (power stops) - (crash) (calmly) Code Red meant "close the laptop.

" Not smash it! I'd like to change my pants now.

(theme music playing) Would you rather lose your phone Or give up pizza for a month Share your diary with the world Or have to eat it for your lunch Sing out of tune to your friends Or trip and fall into your crush Shave your head, paint it red Or use your dog's toothbrush We need a little Q&A Come on Wrather-heads, play along Would you rather do this Would you rather do this Or would you rather do that Would you rather do that Don't matter what we do We're doing it with you I'd rather do that Ask the world Would you rather do this Would you rather do this Or would you rather just dance Or would you rather just dance No matter what we do We're doing it with you I'd rather do that Ask the world! Would you rather do that? Come on! Maybe no one was watching last night.

Please! Everybody's whispering and staring at us.

What makes you think that? (indistinct whispering) I see.

Guys! Principal Walker's pop-in last night was savage! He actually reminded me I needed to do my homework.

He actually reminded me your show is sad.

I thought you said you never watched our show, Minty! I have it on all the time to help my cat sleep.

Works even better now that Principal Walker's part of your show.

He's not part of our show! Sure didn't seem that way, Cooper-Scooper.

I know, right?! It felt so natural! Fred! Guys, boost me.

Everybody, gather around! (boys groan) Why did we let this become a thing? Because she's our queen.

Quick announcement.

Principal Walker was a surprise guest last night, as in, he surprised us.

And he will not be on the show ever, ever again! Thank you.

You may now return to your day.

I hope that worked! Walker having access to our home is a nightmare! I think you're stressing this too much.

All anyone cares about is tomorrow's after-hours pool party.

You're probably right.

I want to hug whoever discovered that the lock on the pool doors was broken.

It was me! I discovered it! No, you didn't.

You know me so well.

Scatter! There he is! Up top, partner.

We k*lled it last night in charades.

Three words: You.

The.

Man.

See ya later, buddy.

What was that?! It was just a reflex high-five.

Next time I yell "scatter," you need to scatter! Selfie time! I want to make sure I remember this super tragic moment.

(camera shutter clicks) Why are you smiling?! It was a reflex.

You psyched for your try-outs? I just want to knock people over.

That's my boy.

Did you guys see me nail that single axel? All we saw was your skate come flying at us.

Whoa, whoa! Never blade first! Safety! Use your noodle.

There's my working woman! Mom! We talked about this.

I know! You told me not to make a fuss because it would embarrass you.

But I don't care! - (phone rings) - Oh! Oh.

That's work.

This may take a bit.

Can you keep an eye on Ollie? Only if you promise to leave quietly.

(whispers) Deal.

Shh.

(loudly) Ooh! You're right! That busboy is cute! So glad you stopped by.

Is that my food? I am famished from my workout.

Yep! One "Under 10" kids meal with 2% milk.

Next time, you have to order off the big kid menu.

But the big kid menu doesn't have dinosaur chicken nuggets or this super cool hat.

I wish you could see what I see.

You think this hat is cool, right, Ollie? Nope.

All right! Let's get these try-outs over with! When I say your name, get out on the ice! Ty! Colin! Ollie! Fred! Fred? Yes? Wow.

You're a big fella.

This isn't snack time.

It's skate time! Get your nugget-eating keister out on the ice! (muffled) I'm actually not part of Now! Well done, big guy! You dominated out there! I did, didn't I? The Ice Bunnies may actually win a game.

Maybe Mother will finally return my calls.

Way to go, big guy! The way you checked Ty into the glass was epic! Charlotte, did you see that? Coach says I'm the best! You're only the best because everyone else is seven! Still, I'm the best.

I've never been the best at anything.

Plus, they all think I'm the man.

Technically, they all think you're a little boy.

Hey, how 'bout a round of juice boxes for all my friends? All (chanting): Big guy! Big guy! Big guy! - (chanting continues) - I assume you accept plastic bags full of pennies.

(indistinct murmuring) Seriously! I'm not friends with the Principal.

It was just a reflex high-five.

Everyone does it.

See how natural that was? Cami: What's going on by the pool doors? Thanks to a little birdie, I've been alerted that the lock on the pool doors was broken.

Not anymore.

Secret party canceled! sh**t! I just bought a new one-piece! I have to wonder who that little birdie might be.

I do remember seeing a boy with perfect cheekbones high-fiving the Principal.

No! I mean, yes, my cheekbones are great, but I'm not the little birdie.

That seems like exactly what a snitch would say.

Yeah! He's a snitch! (indistinct murmurs) (quietly) I just want you to know, as your sister I always have your back, so don't take this the wrong way, but (loudly) snitch! See you after school! So I guess I got into swimsuit shape for nothing! Okay, if we're going to clear your name, we need to figure out what little birdie told Principal Walker the lock to the pool doors was broken.

It could be anyone! There's Josh Pascal, who's afraid of water.

Rachel Keene, who actually kinda looks like a bird.

Or what about Minty? She's been going out of her way to accuse me.

Kills me to say it, but maybe she's right.

What?! You have been hanging out with the Principal a lot more than most students.

- So have you! - Whoa! Watch the finger pointing.

Now, getting back to you.

Are you sure you didn't tell the Principal about the lock? (sighs) I can't imagine I did.

Think, man! Think! Yes, Fred! The lock to the school pool is broken.

There's gonna be an after-hours party! (doorbell rings) Huh? No, you should not wear that.

What.

Is.

Wrong.

With.

You?! It was Fred in a onesie! I didn't remember a lot of things after that! Cooper, this is bad.

The whole world thinks you're BFFs with the Principal and we can't disprove it.

Relax.

It's just a couple of kids whispering in the hallways.

It's not like it's gone viral.

(phone chimes) Cami: Princi-pals?! Congratulations, you're a meme now.

Wow.

I'm even handsome as a little birdie.

Ow.

Okay, you're right.

This is bad.

There's only one way out of this.

You've gotta get in trouble with Walker, so everyone sees you're not on the same side.

What kinda trouble? Big trouble.

A "month of detention" type trouble.

I can't do that kinda time! Then get used to being a social outcast.

(sighs) I dunno.

We should ask the Wrather-heads.

(chimes) Hey, guys, random question for you.

Would you rather get a month full of detentions, and have lots of friends, or have no friends, and lots of free time? (phone chirps) Looks like I'm going to detention.

So, what's the plan? We'll jump on this first thing after dinner.

We'll think of something.

Coop! Cindy from my book club just sent me the cutest picture of you as a little birdie! It was all tied up, 3-to-3, and I had the puck.

Actually, I had the puck, - but you stole it from me.

- Fred: Shh! Hush, little raisin.

So there we were, just me and the defender.

It's clear he's terrified.

Sweat pours down his forehead.

He had the flu! Team: Shh! I fake him out! He goes flying against the boards.

So, I pull back my stick and goal! (team cheering) Hey, Fred? What up, bro-ham? Next time we scrimmage, could you let someone else score? (chuckles) Oh, Ollie.

We all have our roles.

And yours is to just stand in the corner and watch Big Guy do his thang.

- (claps hands) - All right, kids, break time's over! Let's get back out on the ice, and watch Big Guy do his thing.

See? (grunts) Hey, Fred? Fred! Big Guy? There it is.

Talk to me.

You think you can help me clean up this mess? Charlotte, if you want an autograph, just ask for it.

You made your own hockey card?! You're welcome! Hey, Cami.

(loudly) Gossip boy! (quietly) Hey, Coop.

This is a really fun bit you keep doing.

I wanted to work on fixing the Walker problem, but you disappeared on me last night.

Um, yeah.

The thing about that is-- Cami, that pool party at Luke's house last night (singsongy) was awesome! (normal) Oh, awkward.

The pool party was moved to Luke's house? And no one told me? Listen, I can't make any promises, but I may be able to get you into a bouncy house this Saturday.

You are gonna need a smaller shirt.

Why are you wearing a baby-sized hockey jersey? Jealousy's an ugly color on you, Cooper.

Well, while you two were partying behind my back, I was crafting an incredible plan to restore order.

What sort of plan? Just stand back and watch the fireworks.

Who put these in my office? It was me! (whispering) Flowers?! This was your plan?! It gets better.

You're gonna wanna stream this puppy.

(loudly) Everyone, gather 'round.

Something's inside the flowers.

A beautifully wrapped box.

But what's inside the box? Chocolate truffles! You just got Coopered! Wait, what? There was supposed to be a tarantula in there.

Thank you, Cooper.

Does this boy know my sweet spot or what? This is why you don't plot revenge without me.

Don't worry, I'm gonna help you fix this.

I'm not going to abandon you again.

That bouncy house invite? Not gonna happen.

I don't get it.

Where'd the tarantula go? (screams) Okay, I think we found it.

I'm wiped.

Your evil plans are always super exhausting.

It's all gonna be worth it.

Because after our epic takedown of Walker at tomorrow's assembly, no one's ever going to accuse you of being BFFs with the Principal.

Yeah, Walker's never gonna live this down.

Live what down? (gasps) How sharp you look in that apron! Well, thank you, Cami! Wait.

Why are you holding a power drill and a bucket of grease? When you should be holding a plate of my famous homemade nachos! Cooper! Lance heard you talking about nachos the other night so he wanted to surprise you.

Both: Lance? Short for Lancely.

Both: Lancely? What'd you think his name was? Principal? Very funny.

Coop, try a nacho! I'm actually not-- That's really good.

Thanks, you two, for being so awesome about me and Lancely.

- (timer dings) - Oop! The beans are ready! Yeah! Both (chanting): The beans are ready! The beans are ready! The beans are ready! Whoo-whoo! (both laugh) Should we really go through with this? I'm starting to feel bad about our plan.

Walker: Next up! - Guacamole Junction! - Oh! Both: Whoo-whoo! And now, I feel less bad.

Here's your kid's meal.

Wait, haven't you been here every night? Yeah.

I'm supposed to be at hockey practice, but I missed the first day, and now some big kid's been paying me not to play.

(scoffs) Did he pay you in pennies? Yeah.

Do you know him? (angrily) Fred.

Yes? No, not you, Fred.

Fred, Fred.

Please don't tell anyone.

I actually hate hockey.

Okay, okay.

Don't worry.

Your secret's safe with me.

Um, Charlotte? I know life behind the snack bar must be grueling and all, but this hot cocoa is frankly subpar.

This is the real Fred! Big Guy's an impostor! He's not seven! Big Guy? Is this true? Yeah, Big Guy.

Is it true? Age is just a number, right? (chanting) Big Guy! Big Guy! Big What? We're not doing that anymore? Hand in your jersey, old man.

Never! Then you leave me no choice.

Ice Bunnies, att*ck! Charlotte, tell the world my story! (Fred screaming) So, ready to stop being the world's biggest loser? Who calls me that? Not me, that's for sure.

Hey, Coopsicle.

I hate to make your week even worse, but I'm officially breaking up with you.

We were never together.

You're coping, and that's what matters.

Forget her.

You were too good for her anyway.

We were never together! We're gonna end this.

I'm gonna go grab a seat up close, so I can livestream the worst day of Walker's life! Sometimes you scare me.

Aw! Time to take him down.

Charade besties.

I can't take him down.

Principal Walker! Don't go out there.

Why? Do I have a boogie? Big time, but that's not why.

If you go out on stage, it'll be a disaster.

Look, I'll admit last week's speech about water fountain bacteria went a little long.

We put grease all over the stage.

You're gonna slip all over the place.

What? Ever since you and I started being "buddy buddy" at school, I've soft of been left out of things.

- I don't understand.

- (Cooper sighs) The high-fiving, the truffles.

The pool party! Now everyone thinks we're best friends, and it's, no offense, ruining my life! Oh.

- Well, it can't be that bad.

- Watch this.

(loud booing) Cami (shouting): Cooper smells like Principal! That was my sister.

I had no idea.

I've just been having so much fun hanging with your mom and you guys.

I'm sorry it's been so hard on you.

It's been rough, but it doesn't justify embarrassing you in front of the whole school.

I'm sorry.

Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do.

Good morning, stu-- (yelps) - (feet skidding) - (groaning) You got a little something all over! Please get up, please get up.

Walker: Cooper Wrather! I can't prove it, but I know you're responsible for this.

Wrather! Looks like order's been restored.

Nice to have you back! (loudly) Squid lips! Sorry, it's hard to turn it off.

- (school bell rings) - Get to class! Scatter! Principal Walker, thank you for doing what you did this morning.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

But I do think in future, we should keep school stuff at school and home stuff at home.

Agreed.

(chuckles) We can still be charade partners, right? I mean, we are an unstoppable duo! And you look at me that way again, and that's a week of detention.

Here is a tardy slip.

You are late for class.

You're kidding me, right? We're at school.

School stuff.

Cooper! Ollie's tee-ball coach says I'm literally one of the best players he's ever seen! And if anyone asks, my name is Donny! Later!