03x09 - The Miracle Smurfer

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Smurfs". Aired: April 18, 2021 - present.*
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03x09 - The Miracle Smurfer

Post by bunniefuu »

oh dear

i always get sick this time of year if

only papa's birthday got a way to take

care of no cure

he could have made me some medicine

i'm much sicker than milkier

of course papa smurf thinks there's

nothing wrong with me it's all in your

mind

[Music]

my fun-loving friends never have i seen

such a radiant portrait of health

rubbish you're nothing but a swindler oh

crap

my friends you really should be home in

bed yeah rest is what you need

lucky for me they were sick they might

have caught me

[Music]

well as i always say a stay in the

country gives a new lease on life

sunshine fresh air all i need now are

some new customers

oh if it's not my head it's my tummy if

it's not my tummy it's my rheumatism

what on earth

perhaps this creature is listed in my

physician's almanac

this is my rheum

hmm

smurfs legendary creatures said to live

in the forest

tis told that the blue from the skin of

the smurfs cures every human illness

quick leaping leeches now i can make a

real miracle tonic i'll be rich

bless you little smash

[Music]

allow me sir

thank you

who are you i am dr charlatan physician

extraordinaire i have phds abcs lmnops

i am sickly smurf sicky extraordinaire i

have shaky knees and miserable knees and

a terrible sneeze

[Music]

yes i can see right away that you need

an expert attention allow me to examine

you

[Music]

uh-huh now put out your tongue

[Music]

oh hi

it's worse than i thought isn't it not

my poor fellow you have a severe case of

smurfleworthalitis smurfys

oh no

[Music]

you ask well it's very complicated but

if untreated it leads to

you mean i'm afraid so

fortunately there is one cure dr

charlatan's miracle tonic here just rub

a little on the tip of your blue nose

like this exactly voila your smurf with

lightness is a thing of the past it is

already why your picture of health a

veritable portrait of vitality

you're completely positively and

permanently cured i am

i guess i am i'm cured

i'm cured it's a miracle oh thank you

thank you dr charlatan is there anything

i can smurf to repay you no no my only

motive is better health for the

multitude that's very smurfy well

goodbye oh it'll pop a smurf here uh

perhaps you know of a multitude whose

health could benefit from my miracle

tonic

how many does it take to smurf a

multitude

there are 100 spurs in the village

that's the perfect number my friend lead

the way

[Music]

hi everybody guess what oh i'm cured

who's hey what's he doing here papa

smurf isn't gonna like this don't worry

fellow smurfs dr charlatan is a bona

fide doctor he even cured my

smurfeldworth

that's right friends gather round gather

round

as you see i wear my credentials proudly

he seems well qualified anyway

yes my friends it's true if you got a

case the blues i can put you in the pink

or in your case vice versa

what's in the pink of the

blue but seriously smurfs my miracle

tonic cures everything from bunions to

blues the holes in your shoes why one

drop will make you think straighter

drink sweeter and it even keeps the bugs

away

it sounds too good to be true we'll try

it what have you got to lose

oh dear i wish that was slurp

i don't like this at all

so you see my good smurfs there's

absolutely positively nothing that my

miracle tony cannot do

can you do something for me crops

ever hear of jack of the beanstalk one

of my first customers lead the way

[Music]

uh tell me dr charlatan what's the word

your melons desperately need a good

blast of my miracle tonic it'll make

your crops sh**t up like skyrockets by

golly where can i get this magical tonic

just come to my camp and for a small fee

uh say 50 melons i'll make you the

greatest farmer who ever split a pea or

spill the bean i agree

dr charleman do you have anything to

make my goodies taste smurfier

of course leave me your kitchen

[Music]

farm

why in smurf nation do you trust that

nasty old quack well you see snow kids

any doctor with that many diplomas ought

to know what he's smoking oh if papa

smurf doesn't get back soon charlotte

mailed the whole village uh huh

well i can tell you're the smurfdilla

smurf of gourmet cooks but you're badly

in need of my miracle tonic it makes bad

food good and good food better can i get

some before supper time

certainly for a small fee say uh a cake

about so high i'll whip you up a batch

of miracle tonic to go

uh can your tonic make me stronger i

don't suppose your tummy could improve

my looks i mean i realize it's

practically impossible but what about

helping me get more sleep no problem no

problem i have miracle tonic for

everyone just b*at me at my camp before

the sun goes down oh and uh don't forget

bring the fee

oh boy me first

oh wait

and what may i do for you my little blue

bon-bon the same thing you're doing for

everyone else absolutely nothing

nothing hmm

that's what she and all the smurfs will

become when i make my miracle smurf

extract tonight

i hope this is big enough for dr

charlatan oh dear wait wait everyone

wait you're smurfing a big mistake

oh i've got a funny feeling about this

whole thing

maybe you should smurf some of dr

charlatan's miracle tonic for its murphy

oh

ah dr charlatan i believe this time

you've struck gold blue gold that is

we brought our fees just like you said

excellent excellent uh just stack

everything right here and i'll be back

with your miracle tonics just as soon as

i've added the secret ingredient

[Music]

oh

i don't believe this ta-da

now step right up one at a time

oh boy more muscle i'll never fall and

smurf by my head

again one at a time

[Applause]

[Music]

what's all the excitement

my melons my melons got them twice as

big and twice as healthy farmer they

haven't grown in hints hogwash smurfette

annie smurf with half an eye can see

what dr sharon's miracle tonic dip it's

a dream come true my farmer

oh this is good

mmm smells so smurfy

white cupcakes never tasted this smurfy

before

thanks to dr charlton here's perfect you

can spurf the difference with one bite

it's very good greedy but it tastes

exactly like your last batch of cupcakes

nonsense smurfette who else wants to

[Music]

i just smurfed the whole log in two with

my bare hands um super fit listen to

this

uh always look before you leave uh a

white smurf never boils and uh never

look at gift smurf in the mouth

isn't that amazing rainy you've been

saying those same things since the day

you were born oh no i could never have

smurfed them without dr sharon's tonic

i'll take another bottle me too dr

charlotte coming right up oh thank you

doctor how can we ever repay you

don't worry about it brainy there are

plenty of ways to repay me

ah gardening certainly works up an

appetite i know i'll ask greedy for one

of those smurf berry tarts he was making

this morning sorry smurfbet these are

for dr charlotte dry farmer maybe he can

smurf up something for you

that's all you have left one

well you see smart fat i have to trade

this season's crops for more of that

miracle tonic the new improved crop

should be sprouting any day but in the

meantime why don't you smurf yourself

some berries from the forest oh all

right

hello handy may i borrow your berry pail

sorry i traded everything for super

economy size bottles of miracle tonic

excuse me i have to get back to work on

a machine i'm smurfing for dr charlatan

this is the last straw i'm going to

smurf that old crap a piece of my mind

ah what a life no wonder mother wanted

me to study medicine

you ought to be ashamed of yourself me

you've cheated the smurfs out of

everything they own but my dear little

bluebell don't you bluebell me you you

ah sickly thank you i'll be right back

with your bottle of miracle tiny

sickly there's no such thing as a

miracle cure dr charlton is a fraud

that's not true i was always sick and

weak before but just smurf at me now you

aren't one bit healthier than you were

you only think you are nonsense mercy

i'm so strong and healthy i can uh boy

i can even outrun israel oh no you can't

oh yes i can oh no you can't oh yes i

can and i'll prove it

ah here you are sickly

sickly

now you've done it

simply

you can't outrun ezreal you never could

you'll see i'll prove dr charlatan isn't

a fraud come back quickly come back come

back

i can't thank you enough for nursing me

back to health papa smurf you're welcome

not your old friend but you should have

called for me much sooner i would have

papa smurf but an imp by the name of dr

charlatan sold me this so-called miracle

tonic for a while i actually thought it

was working it's amazing how believing

in something can almost make it so

exactly

that imp is nothing but a quack papa

smurf you should warn your smurf to

beware of him i will knock your

goodbye farewell my friend i'm all out

of miracle tonic me too we'll have no

fear there's plenty more yes but uh we

don't have anything left to uh smurf the

fee with

aha

well i'll see what i can do dr charlatan

is nothing if not fair

i'll be right back

maybe he'll let us pay later oh i'm

positive dr charlotte will never let us

down ah

i think my sojourn in the lap of smurf

luxury is just about over and now it's

time to get down to business namely

making the miracle smurf extract tonic

that will make me a very gym

[Music]

i have decided that since you spares are

such good customers i'll allow each of

you to help yourself to one free refill

yay

now one spur for the time let's see

hefty i believe you were first in line

just step right up empty and dip in i

don't see anything in here

no

well now there is

next uh brainy wasn't it

oh this rheumatism will drive me mad

always in the same places my left foot

oh

my right knee yeah

my left shoulder

the small of my back

and right back to my left foot

now who the devil can that be

[Music]

[Music]

he must be out of his little blue mind

nashville

[Music]

me will you when i'm through with you

you'll wish you were never

is born

ah it's good to be home that's strange

farmers harvested his crops already

greedy

no one home

no food around either

harry unlike greedy indeed

hello is anybody home

oh papa smurf papa smurf

thank goodness you're back

papa smurf gargamel's captured sickly

all because sickly believed that dr

charlotte's tonic really were dr

charlatan that imp is a fraud and a

swindler i know papa smurf i tried to

warn the others but they keep smurfing

back for more miracle tonic quick we

must find them and try to rescue sickly

sorry to keep you waiting harmony that's

all right duck charlatan he who smurfs

last smurfs best i really want to thank

you dr charlatan for well

no no let me thank you for being so

stupid

hmm

perhaps i'd better give this old ringer

a trial run before i start ringing them

yes this'll do fine

perfect i'd rather be the ringer than

the ring e

this is a painful decision smurfette we

can't save 97 smurfs while we're trying

to rescue sickly unless perhaps yes papa

smear perhaps you can distract gargamel

long enough to give me time

now where does that recipe smurf pudding

smurfs do smurf souffle ah here it is

copper smurf it's perfect when you have

one smurf for dinner

ouch

oh drop this for rheumatism yoo-hoo

gargamel

[Music]

oh

my rheumatism

[Music]

so glad you dropped in you little blue

fools now we'll have not one but two for

dinner austria

[Laughter]

ouch

ah greedy there should be plenty of blue

in your eyes great smurf man are you out

of your mind don't you know what you can

catch from repeated exposure to smurfs

huh

what smurfonia smartphonia

[Music]

oh yes in fact i can already see

symptoms in you me no no i feel fine i

think you look pale and weak you're

shaking all over i am yes you'd better

sit down and let me take a look

[Music]

now does it hurt here where here ouch

yes worst case i've ever seen oh no i

wish i'd never seen a smurf i'm doomed

luckily i have the only cure known to

medical science for a small fee say a

thousand gold pieces

oh

no that's too bad well

rest in peace oh wait is there some

other way i can pay your fee well

there is one thing you could do for me

ah i think the oven's hot enough now

don't you asriel

[Music]

who is it dr charlatan's the name

forgive the interruption but uh i felt

it my duty to warn you there's an

epidemic of sorceritis going around in

this vicinity have you noticed any

symptoms sorceritis oh me i know there's

nothing

just a bit of rheumatism

that's the first symptom i'd better

examine you actually you have nothing

but symptoms the worst case of

sorceritis i've ever seen oh no oh yes

but don't despair there is a cure

the charlatans miracle tonic uh for a

nominal fee fee well of course of course

a fee

[Music]

how about a vial of that's breath uh

warthogs toenails uh one slightly worn

but lovable

cat

no no no thank you

i see you're interested in smurfs i'll

let you have one in exchange for your

miracle cure smells what you said i fell

smart oh my smurfs are delicious or you

can use them as bookends or fish baits

or cat toys oh yes yes yes smurfs have

many uses you can have both of them i'll

even throw in the cauldron done here you

are

gargle with this twice a day gargamel

hey all right i've kept my end of the

bargain now where's my cure there rub

that on your head and your smurfonio

will be a thing of the past ah

i feel better already well i i must be

going goodbye charlatan

and good fitness by the way my good

smurf can i interest you in my miracle

gray away tonic for your hair or my

miracle wrinkle remover neither of them

works of course

what am i saying the truth thanks to my

miracle tonic you'll never be able to

lie again the truth

but i'll be ruined not if you hope to

become a real doctor

[Music]

why so gloomy my little smurfs papa

smurf i was much stronger when i thought

the miracle tonic worked not so hefty

you only made yourself believe you were

stronger you see hefty it's all a matter

of mind over medicine then i'm just as

sick as i was before

in fact i think i feel a cold coming on

that felt wonderful

i think it's working azrael no more pain

in my left foot or my right knee or my

left shoulder or the small of my back

oh now the pain's in my right foot

and my left knee ah oh that fraudulent

cr*ck that swindling

don't just stand there
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