01x11 - The Deciding Vote

[bunniefuu]

What d'you say there, Alice?

Oh, hi, Ed.

Happy anniversary.

Oh, thank you.

Is Ralph home yet?

I got to see him about
something important.

No. He'll be home soon.

Well, I tell you, Morgan's...

You know, the
furniture store there...

They're having a sale. Uh-huh.

Trixie and me bought a nice
dining room set, you know.

Oh, that's wonderful, Ed. Yeah.

And, uh, well, we're
buying it on time, you know?

And they always ask you
for a name for reference,

so I gave 'em Ralph's name.

So, they'll write
a letter, you know,

and I just want to make sure

that Ralph gives them
a good recommend.

Oh, sure. You don't
have to worry about that.

Let me tell you something,

I wish Trixie could make
icing that tastes like this.

Icing? Ed, that's starch!

Starch?

I still wish Trixie
could make icing

that tastes like this.

Ralph. You want
to open the door?

Oh. Open up!

Hey, there, Ralphie boy.

Hiya, Norton. Oh, Ralph!

Put that up there, will ya?

What have you got there,
an anniversary present?

Alice, I got something that
you've wanted all your life.

What? Wait till you see this.

This'll tickle you to
your heart's content.

Oh, what is it?

A vacuum cleaner.

Hey-hey, hey-hey!

Get a load of that.

It's not a new one.

It's one of those
second-hand ones,

but it's a beaut.

Wait till you see this.

Look out. It's got
all the attachments.

Well, what do you think
of that? Look at this.

Here, put this on and
that's for cleaning rugs.

We haven't got any rugs.

Put this on for cleaning
upholstered furniture.

We haven't got any
upholstered furniture.

Clean drapes with this.

And we haven't got any drapes.

And this picks up the dirt.

That we've got.

What's the matter?

You're acting like
you don't like this.

It's not that, Ralph.

It's just that we don't
have anything to use it on.

So what? We'll buy
some rugs, some furniture,

some drapes, and
we're in business.

You've been saying
that, Ralph, for 15 years

and you still
haven't bought them.

But now I got a
reason to buy 'em.

We got a vacuum cleaner.

I see his point of view, Alice.

First thing's first, huh?

Exactly. Now, look.

Get that box of oatmeal
and bring it over here.

Okay. What are you
going to do, Ralph?

I'm gonna show
you the oatmeal test.

The guy down at the store,
when he demonstrated,

he showed me how
to do it with oatmeal.

Sprinkle it all over the floor.

Ralph!

Don't worry, I know
what I'm doing.

I just got through
cleaning this floor.

Will you please
stop bothering...?

Sprinkle it all over.

Happy New Year! Ha!

Will you stop that
and just sprinkle it.

All right, here.

Put this plug in the wall.

Plug in the wall.

Now, wait till you see this.

I'm waiting.

Now, all right.

Now, plug it in.

Wait a minute.

Wait till you see this
take up that oatmeal.

Now I press the
button right here.

And here it goes.

I, uh, I think that motor
needs a drop of oil.

Yeah, that's what it
needs, just a little drop of oil.

It'll be all right.

A drop of oil?

It wouldn't help if
you dipped it in Texas.

What's that supposed to
be, smart or something?

Remember, Alice, I got this
for your pleasure, not mine.

Wait a minute, you got to
pin the point of logic here.

Now, I mean, this-this machine

passed the oatmeal
test down at the store.

There's no reason in the world

why it shouldn't
pass the oatmeal test

right here on the floor.

Absolutely. Push
the button, Norton.

Ready? Right.

Will you push the button!

It's on the other end.

Right there.

Oh, this?

Now.

Uh...

Wanna try it with
corn flakes, Ralph?

Why don't you shut it?

Ralph.

Did the man use this
machine to demonstrate with?

No, but he used
one just like it.

Now, what has
that got to do with it?

I thought so. Now, look, Ralph.

I appreciate the idea
of you buying me a gift.

But you got stuck, so now
just take all these things

and take 'em right back.

I did not get stuck, and
I'm not taking it back!

It doesn't work.

It will work. All it
needs is a little fixing.

You're wasting your time, Ralph.

This is nothing
but a piece of junk.

Is that so?

Is that so?

What are you, an authority
on vacuum cleaners?

No. I just happen to
be an authority on junk.

Wisenheimer.

Listen, Ralph, I think
it's very safe for me

to say in all due modesty that

that my mechanical knowledge

is equal to the
problem at hand there.

Now, first of all, I would say
listening to that motor there

that the armature sprocket
is causing interference,

which in turn causes
the combustion line

to interfere with the
flow and the dynaflow.

Now, what does that mean?

I don't know.

Oh, leave me alone!

Well, try to find out, then.

Just stay out of
my way. I'll fix it.

There's probably just something
simple that's wrong with it.

Some tiny little thing.

Aha. What'd I tell you?

There's something
stuck in there.

Still in there. Must
be stuck pretty tight.

You're doing it the hard way.

You put the switch on...

The switch is stuck, Ralph.

The screwdriver...
Where's the plug?

It's in the... Oh, get it out?

Ah!

I can't understand what
you're saying to me, Ralph.

Look, accidents will happen.

Yes, and you're the biggest
accident that ever happened!

Now get out of here!

Are you...? Out!

Listen, to me, if I
go out this door...

You know, I got feelings, too...
I'll never come back in again.

I'll never come back
in again. Get out!

May I say one
thing before I leave?

Well?

That's a piece of junk!

Get out of here!

Sure is no getting
around it, Ralph.

Having a vacuum cleaner has
sure lightened my housework!

You're a riot, Alice.

A regular riot.

Hope they like those
jokes on the moon,

'cause that's
where you're going.

Now, will you get me a towel?

I want to wash my hands.

What happened to the water?

Oh, somebody
upstairs must be using it.

You know the water
pressure's bad in this building.

Trixie's probably
doing her dinner dishes.

Oh, Trixie's doing the dishes?

Well, that's just fine.

Will you have a
little patience, Ralph?

The water'll be on in a minute.

All right.

All right, Alice, from now on,

when I want to wash my
hands, I'll walk over to the sink,

put my hands under the
faucet, I'll stand here quietly.

I'll wait patiently.
It might take hours,

might take days,
but I'll be here,

waiting very patiently
for the water...

Ahh!

Aah!

What's the matter
with this place?

Here's your towel, Ralph.

Answer that.

Oh, Alice.

Hi, Ralph. Oh, hi, Joe.

You know Joe Rumsy, he's a
member of the Racoon Club.

Hi. Nice to see you again.

Well, as long as
you're here, Joe,

I think I'll run up
and see Trixie, Ralph.

Fine.

Well, I come over here
to congratulate you.

Looks like you're gonna be

the Racoon's new
convention manager.

Me, the convention
manager for the Racoons?

How'd you find that out?

Simple arithmetic.

It's between you and
Frank McGillacutty.

Now, only the seven
executive members can vote.

That means you need
four votes to win, right?

Yeah. Well, I just
happen to find out

that Jerry Shaw's
gonna vote for you.

So, figure it out:
Jerry Shaw, me,

you're gonna vote for yourself,

and Ed Norton'll vote for you.

Norton?

Sure. What's the matter?

Nothing, but I just
had a little argument.

But it doesn't mean...

We're always arguing,
I can fix that up.

How about that?

Me, the convention manager.

Yeah, how about that?

You know what that means?

I get to go to Chicago,

they pay all expenses.

Then I get a car
to drive around in.

Yeah. Get a chance
to meet all the big sh*ts.

Joe, I certainly am
happy that you showed up.

That's all right,
I'm very happy to...

Hey, I see you bought your
wife a vacuum cleaner, huh?

Yeah. Isn't that a doozy?

Women sure go for
these things, don't they?

They certainly do.

They run kind of
high, don't they?

Oh, yeah. This cost me $4.95

down at Dowzer's
on Dekalb Avenue.

Yeah, that sure is a nice one.

But it's worth it.
Worth every penny of it.

Yeah, nice machine. Real nice.

Well, look, I got to
be running, Ralph.

I'll see you at the
meeting tomorrow night.

Now, look, be sure
that Norton gets there.

Remember, he's
got the deciding vote.

Without him, Frank
McGillacutty will win.

You be... See-see
that he's there.

Don't worry, I'll rem...

I'll take care of it, pal. Good.

So long, Convention
Manager. So long, Joe.

Norton, pal.

Norton!

Pal o' mine!

It's no use, Ralph.

Norton's through with you,

and he never wants
to talk to you again.

He's got to talk to me.

This is important.

You're wasting your time;
Norton's not even home.

Where is he?

He went bowling with
Frank McGillacutty.

Oh.

Here's the water
you wanted, Norton.

Thank you, McGillacutty.

I put some ice in it to cool it.

Yeah, thank you.

Ooh, sorry.

Watch that.

Thank you, McGillacutty.

I, uh, I haven't been smoking
cigars too much lately.

Too much trouble
trying to light the wet end.

The wet end? You're
supposed to light the dry end.

My boy, in a sewer,
there ain't no dry end.

Well, hiya, pal Norton.

Hello, McGillacutty.

Where were you, pal? I was
waiting for you to come home.

I wanted to floor you
with some egg fu yung.

Norton had dinner with me.

He had steak.

You are a snake.

But it's not gonna do
you any good, McGillacutty

because Norton is voting for me.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Must be catching a cold.

Probably caught it working
in that sewer on Park Avenue.

Always catch a cold working
in the Park Avenue sewer.

What's so different about
a Park Avenue sewer?

There're air conditioners.

I'll go get you an aspirin.

Good boy.

What a hypocrite.

I've seen some
hypocrites in my day,

but he is the hypiest
critic that I've ever seen.

Look, Norton, let
me level with you.

Sure, we had a couple arguments,

but we always have arguments.

But when there's an emergency,

we always come to
the other guy's aid.

How about that time
we were playing softball,

and you got hit in
the head with a bat?

Who got a cab and took
you over to the hospital? I did.

Who come up and saw
you every day? I did.

Who brought you
cigarettes and candy? I did.

Who hit me in the head
with the bat? You did!

Just like you, Norton,

always bringing
up the bad things,

never bringing up
the good things.

All right, Kramden,
Norton, come on.

Let's get the meeting
started. Come on.

Uh, Brother Norton?

As Sergeant At Arms,
you sit here besides me.

And now, Brother Racoons,

we all know what
we're here for...

To elect the business manager
for this year's convention.

Now, as there are
two men up for election,

we're going to make
this a secret ballot

so nobody's
feelings will be hurt.

Now, Brother
Norton, will you, uh,

will you pass out the
ballots and the pencils?

Yes, O President.

Yes, sir.

Now, you just fill in the name
of the man of your choice.

Fold the ballot and give
it back to Brother Norton.

That's it.

Now collect them.

Will you come on, Norton?

And now, Brother Norton,
you fill out your ballot.

Will you come on
and finish the ballot?

All right, all right, all right.

Oh...

Thank you, Brother Norton.

I will now count the ballots.

One for Kramden.

Two for Kramden.

Three for Kramden.

It's a landslide.

One for McGillacutty.

Two for McGillacutty.

Three for McGillacutty.

I will now read
the deciding vote.

The deciding vote
is... McGillacutty.

Congratulations.

There's a keg of beer
in the other room, boys.

Let's celebrate now.

And when that's
finished, I'm buying the next one.

Come on, Norton.

Boy, you're a real pal.

Oh, hi, Alice.

Oh, hi, Trix.

Oh, Alice, I got those tomatoes
that you wanted from the store.

Oh, thanks ever so much.

Oh, I picked up
your mail for you, too.

Oh, thanks. What...?

Hey, look. Here's an
interesting advertisement.

Robinsons is having a
one-day fur sale tomorrow.

Oh.

The $5,000 McDarlum mink
coats are reduced to $3,900.

Oh, you'll have to
run right down there

and get one first
thing in the morning.

Yeah, one of each color. Yeah.

Let's see this other...

Oh, this must be Morgan's.

You know, about that reference

that Ed wanted
Ralph to write out,

Yeah. I'll have
Ralph take care of it

Oh, thanks, Alice.
For him right away.

Hey, I'd better be
getting upstairs.

Ed'll be here any minute.

Okay. I'll see you later, honey.

All right.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Hoo, that dirty bum.

I can't believe it.

Just can't believe it!

How could Norton do this to me?

His friend,
colleague, confidante.

How could he vote against me?

Just can't believe it.

I can't believe
it either, Ralph.

Why can't you believe
it? He did it, didn't he?

Stabbed me in the back.

Well, that's how it goes.

History repeats itself.

Brutus had his Caesar.

Kramden's got his Norton.

Ralph.

Now, you listen to
me. Don't Ralph me!

Listen to me, Ralph.

You didn't get one
wink of sleep last night,

and you've had a
miserable day today.

It's not gonna do any
good thinking about it.

It's over with, it's done.

Now, come on. Don't
be bitter about this.

Sit down, honey, and I'll
get your supper. Come on.

Oh.

Come on.

Maybe you're right.

What's the sense of
being bitter about it?

It's over, nothing can be done.

They didn't vote for me.

Didn't vote for me, that's all.

No sense in getting riled
up, steamed, staying bitter.

Forgive and forget.

That's the big thing to do.

Sometimes you got to
be big about these things.

Forget it, get it
out of your system.

As a matter of fact, Alice,
you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm even gonna forgive Norton.

Forgive, forget.

Good, honey. I'm glad
to hear you talk like that.

Too many people carrying
grudges right to the grave these days.

Something wrong
happens... happened,

there's nothing
you can do about it.

Forget it.

You know...

I'm beginning to
feel happier already.

He wants a reference?

That bum wants a reference?

Now, Ralph... I'll
give him a reference.

Ralph, what are you going to do?

I'll give him a
reference. I'll show you

what I'm gonna do. Ralph...

The gall that he
wants a reference!

Let's see. "How long have
you known the applicant?"

"Too long."

"Do you consider the
applicant trustworthy?"

Huh. "Don't...
make... me... laugh."

"In your opinion, is the
applicant of good character?"

"The applicant is a bum."

Ralph, you're not
going to mail that letter.

Oh, I'm not? And who do
you think's gonna stop me?

Alice, Alice, I'm
sorry to bother you.

I forgot to buy soap.

Can I borrow some from you?

Norton wants to take a bath.

Oh, sure, Trix. Get out!

Huh?

Get out! What?

Oh, no.

And stay out of here, too!

Ralph, what is the
matter with you?

Have you gone crazy?

Like I'm crazy? I'll show
you if I've gone crazy.

He wants to take a bath, huh?

All right. I'll
take care of that.

He'll take one without water.

Ralph, get away from that sink.

What?

Get away from that sink.

You want me to get
away from the sink?

Yes, I do. All right.

There, I'll get
away from the sink.

Now that I've taken
care of his bath,

now I'm gonna take care
of his dining room furniture

that he thinks he's gonna get.

Give me a stamp. Nothing doing.

I'm not gonna help you
make an idiot out of yourself.

I don't need your
help. I'll do it myself.

All right, Ralph,
what's the idea?

All right, what's
the idea, Ralph?

What's the idea, Ralph?

I'll tell you what the idea is!

From this moment on, as
long as you live in this building,

you're never gonna get
another drop of water.

No? No.

You know what
I'll do, don't you?

I'll go to the Board of Health.

They'll fix something for me.

They will? You couldn't
go to the Board of Nuts!

Now get out of my way.

I have an very
important letter to mail.

Ralph!

Ed, can you do something
about that water?

Yeah, yeah. It's gonna overflow.

I'll turn the dial off
underneath the sink here.

Boy, let me tell you, Alice.

That husband of yours
has got some disposition.

Oh, I don't know, Ed.

He's really got a
very sweet disposition.

Only trouble is,

he's so steamed all the
time, you never notice it.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Well, I'll tell you
something, Ed.

Ralph is really
very disappointed.

It wasn't so much losing
the convention manager's job.

What hurt him, Ed, was the
fact that you let him down.

That you didn't vote for him.

Et tu, Alice?

Et tu?

Do you think I'd break that
poor little fat boy's heart?

You mean to say you didn't
vote for Frank McGillacutty?

McGillacutty? I don't even
know how to spell his name.

Then why didn't you tell Ralph?

I'll tell you why I didn't
tell him; I got my pride!

If he wants to think I'd
do a thing like that, let him.

If he wants to call
me names, let him.

If he wants to kick me out of
the apartment all the time, let him.

If he wants to make my
life miserable, let him.

Huh-huh, the joke's on him.

Ed, this is just ridiculous.

Now you're gonna stay right
here with me until Ralph gets home,

and then you're gonna
telling him the truth.

Oh, I'm not. While he's
out, I'm going to take a bath.

No, you stay here.

So, you're still here,
huh, Benedict Arnold?

Ralph, you were all wrong.

Ed just told me that
he did vote for you.

He did?

Yes, he did.

And you believed him?

Yes.

Well, you see, Alice,
that's the difference

between you and me.

You are gullible and I'm not.

Anybody can put
anything over on you,

but they can't
put it over on me.

You're the type that
would bend way over

and pick up a pocketbook
on April Fools' Day.

I wouldn't!

You couldn't.

Oh, boy, are you
gonna get yours.

All right, Norton, if you didn't
double-cross me, who did?

Joe Rumsy.

Joe Rumsy? That's ridiculous!

Joe Rumsy double-crossed me.

He was right in this very room

and told me he was
gonna vote for me.

Now, why should
he change his mind?

Remember that vacuum
cleaner you recommended to him?

He bought one for his wife.

He didn't do too good
with the oatmeal test, either.

Ralph, I think you
owe Ed an apology.

I, uh... I apologize.

Put her there, pal.

Wait a minute! What?

The reference.

The letter of reference
from the department store!

Remember, you told
them to send it to me?

You wanted to get some
furniture. I just mailed it.

I practically told them
that you were a crook!

You're never gonna
get the furniture now.

Look, don't let it worry you.

Don't-don't let it
bother you a bit, Ralph.

You're not sore?

Nah. Don't let it bother you.

Norton, I misjudged you.

I'm telling you,

If I was in your place,
I would be real mad.

Well, if I was in your
place, I'd be even madder.

That dining room set
we bought wasn't for us.

That was for you and Alice.

That was an anniversary present.