01x32 - Opportunity Knocks But

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Ralph.

Oh, hiya, Fred.

Going downtown?

No, I'm waiting
for Norton.

He's gonna go home
with me.

Where's Breadstead?

I thought every night
you rode home with him?

Yeah, but at
the last minute,

Marshall
called him in.

Mr. Marshall
called him in,
and wanted him

to do some special
report of some kind.

Poor guy's got tickets
for a show tonight.

Well, why didn't
he tell Marshall

he had the tickets?

He did his day's work,
he can go home if he wants.

Well, you know
how some guys are

when the boss asks
them to do something.

( laughs )

You guys k*ll me.

When the boss asks you
to do something.

Can't you get it
into your head

that the boss is a human being
just like anybody else?

The boss...

( laughs )

Now look, Ralph,

a guy like you
can do it.

I know that.

But some
guys can't.

That's the
way it goes.

Well, I'll see
you tomorrow, huh?

Okay, Fred. See you later.
Bye.

( clears throat )

Good evening.

Mr. Marshall...

Good evening.

Hey, John!

John, will you check
with the garage

and find out
what's happened to my car?

Thanks.

( stammers )

Sure has been
a nice day,

hasn't it,
Mr. Marshall?

Not for me.

No. There's too much dampness.

Yeah, it was a
little damp today.

Those are the
worst kind of
days, damp days.

( nervous chuckle )

Gee, those, uh,
new buses that you
put on the line--

they sure
are great, boy.

I'm not happy with them.

Those transmissions
are pretty bad.

Yeah, I got to
go along with you.

Those transmissions--
they're...

That's probably why

they're so
difficult
to handle.

Hey, Kramden, I've got something
to talk to you about.

Look, if it's
about that dent
I put on the bus,

It wasn't my fault.

What bus? What dent?

Well, I...
Oh, never mind
about that. No, no.

Mr. Gordon has informed me

that you are the best
pool player

in the bus company.

I'd like you to help me.

Me, help you?

Yes. As an anniversary present,
my wife gave me a pool table.

Now, as much
as I've always desired

to play, I don't know
the first thing about it.

I've never played pool.

Never played pool?

You mean, you
never hung out

with a bunch of
kids on the corner

and went up
to the poolroom?

( chuckles ):
No, no.

When I was young, I was busy
playing football,

basketball, going to school.

And when school was over,

my parents took me
for a trip around the world.

I was never in a poolroom.

Gee, that's sad

that you never
had a kid life.

I was thinking, uh, Kramden,

in the light
of your great proficiency,

I might impose on you,

and you might give me
a few pointers.

Well, I'd be glad
to, Mr. Marshall.

Any time you say.

Well, if it wouldn't
be inconvenient,

could you come over tonight?

Sure, I'll be
there tonight.

I'd be glad
to come up...

ED:
Hey there,
Ralph.

Oh, you're there.

Well...

I'm sorry I'm
late, Ralph.

I'm sorry I kept
you waiting.

It took me a year
to get across town

in one of those
miserable buses
your company runs.

Uh, this is Mr. Marshall,
my boss.

Uh, this is my friend,
Mr. Norton.

Oh, oh. How do
you do there,
Mr. Marshall?

Good.

I've heard your
name mentioned

in the Kramden
household
many times.

( laughs )

As a matter
of fact,

when Ralph
was laid off
last year,

he talked about
you constantly.

( laughs )

Uh, Mr. Marshall has
just asked me

to teach him to play pool.

He got a new pool table.

Well, you picked
the right man,
Mr. Marshall.

Kramden's his name,
pool is his game.

( laughter )

Well, I guess that means
we'll have to call off

our game for tonight.
I'll free up...

Oh, no, no, Kramden,
I wouldn't hear of it!

No. Now, you keep
your appointment

with your friend.

We can make it
another time.

All right. If...
Sure.

You don't mind if we call it off
tonight, do you?

No. Sure.

Oh, I've got a better idea.

Say, why don't both of you
come over?

I think I could learn more
about the game

by watching the two
of you play.

( horn beeps )

Oh, there's my car.

Yeah. Uh, I'll be expecting you
at 9:00.

1149 Park Avenue.

See you later.

Yes, sir, Mister...
Bye, Mr.
Marshall.

Marshall.
( laughs )

Now, look, Norton.
What?

Tonight is an important night
to me.

And I don't want you to ruin it.

Look, I understand
the situation.

I'll be on my A
number one behavior.

I'll mind my
P's and Q's.

Don't worry about it.

Boy, what an opportunity!

You know, this is
how you get places.

Socializing with the higher-ups.

Uh, don't I know it?
Don't I know it?

Boy, let me tell you.

If it wasn't for
a game of golf,

I wouldn't be
where I am today.

What are you talking about?

Well, you remember during
the Depression years,

you know, when you
couldn't get a job?

I picked up a
couple of bucks,

uh, caddying at a
golf course, see?

That's how I got my
job in the sewer.

Oh, you mean you caddied
for a sewer official?

No, no, no, no.

As a matter of
fact, the guy I
was caddying for

at the time was
a wholesale butcher.

He got up there
at the first tee.

What a pair of
mitts on him!

You know...

Gets up there
at the first.

He takes a whack
at the ball.

Goes over the fence,
out of the course

and down the sewer.

Well, little Johnnie
on the spot--

I go scrambling
down there in the
sewer, you know.

And I met the foreman.

He took a liking to
me, and, uh, hired me.

I got the job.

You ought
to send that story in

to Reader's Digest.

Hey, come on,
let's get going.

Trixie's got a lasagna
dinner waiting for me.

We got to get dressed
up and cleaned up.

We're playing pool on
Park Avenue tonight!

( laughter )

Boy, imagine it--
a guy rich enough

to have his
own pool table.

Well, you can never tell,
Norton.

After tonight, I'm liable

to have my own pool table
in my apartment.

( soft chuckle )

If you do, you'll have
to stand in the sink

to make a sh*t.

Just make yourselves
at home, gentlemen.

Mr. Marshall will be here
presently.

He's in the library.

What?

He's in the library.

Oh, he ought
to be here soon.

The library
closes at 9:00.

May I take your hats,
gentlemen?

Oh.
Certainly.
Here you are.

Thank you.
But be careful
of that.

I just had
it blocked.

Whoa, ho-ho!

What a spiffy
joint, huh?

Boy, how about this!

Hey, hey.

I bet you
the furniture
in here costs

a couple of hundred
bucks at least.

Easy, easy.

Hey, get a load
of this thing.

Mm.

A tarpon.

"Caught by J.J. Marshall.

April, 1939.
Key West, Florida."

How about that!

Look at that thing, huh?

Yeah, the funny thing--

my boss has got one of those
in his living room.

When was he in Florida?

Never. He k*lled it
in self-defense

down in the sewer once.

Hey, get a load of this.

What's that?

"First Prize,
International Dog Show.

Awarded to Mrs. J.J. Marshall."

Well, she might
not be attractive,

but she's a very
lovely woman.

For breeding dogs.

Oh, oh, oh.

Boy.

This is beaut.

I wonder
what this here is for?

Oh, well, that's
to open and shut
the drapes.

Open and shut the drapes?

It don't open
and shut the drapes.

Must be stuck.

You rang for me, sir?

No.

No.

My mistake, sir.

Sorry.

Got to give it a good yank.

I told you
nothing happened.

It don't open or shut
nothing at all there.

It's stuck. That's all.

You rang for me, sir?

No.
No.

He didn't
ring. What?

Very good.

Must be one of those nuts.

It's got to be connected
to something.

Well, I don't
know what to do.

Oh, boy, this is
a beautiful table.

Level, level.
Beautiful!

Boy, I hope it don't
throw my game, that's all.

Now look, no matter
what Mr. Marshall does tonight,

every sh*t he takes,
compliment him.

You know, encourage him.

I-I know... I
know the situation

tonight, Ralph.

Don't worry
about a thing.

And may I take
this opportunity

to wish you a lot
of luck tonight

because this may
be the first step

up that ladder
of success.

Thank you, Norton.

( door opening )

Good evening, Kramden.

Well, hello,
Mr. Marshall.

Sorry to have kept you waiting.

Now, I want to make sure
that we are not disturbed.

( chuckling ):
Okay.

( clears throat )

You rang for me, sir?

Yes, Roberts.

I won't take
any phone calls.

Very good, sir.

How do you like that?

It was tied to the butler.

Well, Ralph,
I'm in your hands.

What do we
do first?

Well, the first thing to do

is to pick
out a cue.

Yup. Get the old cue stick.

Here you are,
Mr. Marshall.
Thank you.

Here you
are, Norton.
Thank you.

Then the next
thing you do

is to chalk
up. Here.

Yes.
Just like this.

That's it.

That's so that in case
the tip is slippery,

you chalk it up,
and then it won't
skid off the ball.

That's it.
Chalk up.

Say, look at how well
he did that, Norton!

Oh! He was a good chalker
for the first time.

Yeah!

( laughter )

Now, the next
thing to do is

to learn how
to stroke.

See, you put it
in between...

You have the
ball there.
That's it.

And you put the
cue in between your
fingers like that.

And you have what they
call a "bridge," see?

Now you go back,
easy, easy.

The idea is to
hit the white ball
into that pack

and break
them all up.

That's it. When all the balls
break up there on the break,

and one of the balls, uh,
goes into each pocket there,

each one of those
is a point for you.

Oh, I see. Yes.

Now, uh, go ahead.

You take a hit
at the ball.

Well now, you'll have
to be patient with me.

Remember, I'm
just a beginner.

( laughs ):
Oh.

Come on there.

Oh!

( laughs )

And you said
you were just a beginner!

( laughs )

But I missed
the ball.

Yeah, but you came so close.

Yeah.

Go ahead, try again.

Excellent, excellent.

But I missed
it again.

Yeah, but you're getting closer.

Yeah. Here, go ahead,
try again.

Well, this time,
I'll hit it.

Good.

Easy...

Oh!
Oh...

( laughs ):
Oh.
Look at that.

Boy, Mr. Marshall,
if anybody had told me

that you was a pool hustler
when I met you this afternoon,

I would have laughed
right in their face.

( laughter )

Well, you're both
being very kind
and encouraging,

and I appreciate it,
but I still think

that my idea of
this afternoon
is the best.

I'd learn a lot
more about the game

if you two play
and I just watch.

Well, all right,
any way you want it.

You know, I want

to tell you something,
Mr. Marshall.

When you do learn this game,
it's perfect for relaxing.

You're going to like it.

I was never aware
until recently

how many men
play pool.

Oh, must be nine out of ten
down at the bus depot who play.

I think, Ralph,

that the average is higher
than that.

Well...

I'll show you
how to stroke.
All right.

Now you see,
in order to get
the perfect...

You know, Mr. Marshall,
I was just thinking,

I was just thinking.

You know, down
at the bus company

where you've got plenty
of room,

why don't you set up
a recreation room

and set up a couple
of pool tables,

and the-the fellows
can play pool?

Recreation room?

Well, certainly.

Most of the drivers
have a quick lunch,

and they got time off,
and they'd like

to sh**t a couple
of games of pool.

It's a relaxing game.

I mean, to coin a phrase--

a relaxed bus driver
is an efficient bus driver.

Now in order
to stroke,

you just pull
this right back...

Well, that's a very interesting
suggestion, Norton.

You know, my greatest concern
has always been

easing the strain
on my drivers.

Yeah.

What with the traffic,
overcrowded buses,

trying to maintain a schedule,
they have their problems.

Oh, sure.

Now, in order
to stroke, you
pull back...

You-you talk about the strain
on the bus driver, huh?

Yeah.
Holy...

I've just often thought
that you got

to get the right person
in the right job.

Yeah.
I mean, I mean...

Some fellows are easygoing,

and, uh, they're right

for the rush hour crowds
and everything.

I think the most important thing
is the temperament

and, uh, basic metabolism
of the man.

Yes.
Now, a light cue--
sometimes 19 ounces...

Well, now, that-that's very,
very interesting, Norton.

I like a man
who can think on his feet.

Thank you,
Mr. Marshall.

Say, Ralph, what do you think
of that suggestion?

That's very good.
Now here's how you
stroke, Mr. Marshall.

You place that, and
very slow and easy...

I don't want to be butting in
all the time.

because I don't know nothing
about your business.

You know, I mean,
I-I'm not trying

to tell you how to run...

You're talking about buses

running on a schedule
and everything.

Have you ever thought
of running odd and even buses?

Odd and even buses?

Well, certainly.

The odd buses stop
at the odd streets.

The even buses stop
at the even streets.

See? It splits up the crowd.

The buses keep rolling,
and you're on schedule.

Norton, will
you please stop
bothering Mis...

Odd and even buses?

You know,
that's a very interesting,

a very, very good thought.

Thank you.

Mr. Norton, in what line
of business are you?

I work for the city.

In what capacity?

Capacity?

About 50,000
gallons a day.

I work in the sewer.

( laughs )

I like a man
with a sense of humor.

Thank you.
( laughs )

Now look, if you
want to ever...

Now, never mind, Ralph,
never mind.

Say, Mr. Norton,
how would you like

to come to work for me?

ED:
Me? Work for you
at-at the bus company?

MARSHALL:
Yes.

Now, for a long time,
I've felt the need

in our organization
for a man

who understands
the drivers' problems,

for-for a-a bus driver
supervisor.

A man who...

A man who really
can understand their problems

and find ways
of alleviating them

and-and raise their morale.

Now, from the few things
I've heard from you tonight,

you'd fit that position
perfectly.

Why, I realize
this is rather sudden.

I don't want your answer
right away.

Why don't you sleep on it,
and get back to me tomorrow?

Mr. Marshall,
I'd like to sleep on it,

and, I, uh, I would.

I-I... I'm on the late shift
tomorrow.

It'd be all right
if I get into our office

a little before noon?

Fine, fine. You come
straight up to my office,

and if there's time,
we'll have lunch together.

Good. Good thinking,
good thinking.

Ralph, I want to thank you
for introducing me

to Mr. Norton.

Now, let's see that break sh*t.

( clears throat )

Very simple.

Put the ball down.

Calmly stroke
and then hit.

Something like that.

Trixie, what time is it?

Uh, 10:30.

Hey, I got to go downtown
shopping tomorrow.

There's a big sale
on men's shorts.

89 cents a pair.

Norton could sure use some.

So could Ralph.

What sizes they got?

Oh, uh,
"All sizes, 32 to 50."

Nope, nothing
there for Ralph.

Oh, Alice,
would you please sit down?

You're-you're coffee's
getting ice cold.

Oh, Trixie, I haven't
got the patience to sit.

Ralph was so enthused
and so hopeful

when he left here
tonight that...

Oh, I guess it's just
sort of catching.

Oh, and Alice,
wouldn't it be wonderful

if Ralph became an executive
of the company

because of tonight?

Oh, Trixie, on
the strength

of spending one evening
with your boss,

you don't become an
executive, you know.

Well, I-I guess that would be
a little too much to hope for.

But I'll bet
tonight's one night

Ralph is never going
to forget.

( laughs )

I'm sure of that.

Well, gee, I better
get back upstairs, Alice.

You know, I still haven't made
those three corn beef sandwiches

for Norton to take
to work tomorrow.

Oh, thank goodness
I don't have to
bother with that.

Ralph has his lunches
in a restaurant.

So does Ed.

Well, what are the
three corn beef
sandwiches for?

That's what he eats
on the way to lunch.

Oh.

Bye, Alice.
Bye, Trix.

Oh, hi, Ralph.

Ralph!

I don't ever...

I don't ever want you
to see that girl again.

And I don't ever, ever want
the name of Norton

mentioned in this house again.

Well, Ralph,
what happened?

That sneak.

That Benedict Arnold.

Who? Norton?

I told you never
to mention his name

in this house.

Well, will you
tell me what
happened, Ralph?

He talked Marshall
into giving him a job.

A job with the
bus company?

Then, why are
you so upset?

Because he's going
to be my boss, that's why.

Your boss?

That's right.

Marshall's making him
a supervisor over the drivers.

Norton?

Yes. I asked you not
to mention his name

in this house.

Well, Ralph,
how could Ed... ?

I mean...

You know
who I mean.

How could he
talk Mr. Marshall

into offering him
a job like that?

Very simple. He walks
into Mr. Marshall's house,

and he starts
making idiotic suggestions.

And with every suggestion,

Marshall's going along
with him like a dope,

believing everything he said.

You mean, he
offered him a job

on the basis of
his suggestions?

Oh, sure he did.

If I live to be 100 years old,
I'll never forget tonight.

I can hear every word
Marshall said to him.

"Why, you'd be perfect
for the job, Mr. Norton.

"My, that's
a wonderful suggestion

"you made, Mr. Norton.

"Oh, Mr. Norton, I like a man

who can stand
and think on his feet."

Norton works in the sewer.

He's got to stand
on his feet to think.

If he sat down, he'd drown.

Ralph, sweetie, we
have to face this
thing realistically.

Huh.

Now if Mr. Marshall
offered him a job

on the basis of
his suggestions,

he must have thought
pretty highly

of those things.

And in that
case, Ralph,

that's what's
upsetting you.

It's a blow
to your pride.

It is not my pride, Alice.

It is not my pride.

Well, your status
hasn't changed, Ralph.

Your job is
still the same.

Let's face it, Alice.
Let's face it.

When he comes to work
for the company, I quit.

But why?

I got my pride.

Ralph, have you talked
this over with Ed?

I should say not.

We came out
of Marshall's house,

I turned my back on him,

and I walked right away
from him.

Well, Ralph, what
makes you so sure he
even wants the job?

Maybe by this time
he's thought it over

and decided not
to take it.

After all, Ed's
very happy
at the sewer,

and he's due
for a promotion.

Maybe you're right.

He likes the job he's got.

If he left the sewer, he'd be
like a fish out of water.

What am I getting
all upset about?

( laughs )

( clears throat )

Hello, Alice.

Oh.
Ralph.

I know it's very late.

Excuse me for coming,
but I got to talk to you.

I figured on talking
to you on the way home,

but, uh, uh, you left me
kind of sudden-like.

( clears throat )

Excuse me, Miss.

Uh, this is a very ticklish
situation.

And there are just a few things

that you and me have got
to straighten out.

Now then, uh, I know
that all the boys

down at the bus company realize

that you and me are
very good friends.

Uh, therefore,
if I get this position,

uh, uh, naturally,
they are going to think

that I am going
to favor you.

Uh, that's, uh, bad for you,
it's bad for me,

it's bad the company.

So, I figured that, uh,
for the first couple of months,

uh, you could call me,
"Mr. Norton."

Ed, I don't think
there'll be any necessity

for that, whatsoever.

It's a very informal place.

Uh, you got a point,
you got a point, Alice.

Uh, that's right.

Uh, uh, you could call me,
"E.N."

Listen, Ed,

why don't you wait
until you get the job?

And then those things will just
straighten themselves out.

Maybe you're right, Alice,
maybe you're right.

Uh, uh, Ralph,
another thing, uh, uh,

I know that, uh,
during business hours

and everything,
we can't be real buddy-buddy,

but, uh, just because
I have an executive position,

I don't want you
to think

that in any way
it will alter our friendship.

And as long as I'm an executive
in that bus company,

you are sure
of being a bus driver

as long as you live.

That's no way to treat...

Get out!

That settles it.
I'm quitting.

Now, listen, Ralph,
you know and I know

that you're not going
to quit your job,

but there's no sense
in your feeling
this way, Ralph,

'cause you're
just going to make
yourself miserable.

And then you're going
to hate your job.

And besides
that, Ralph,

you're just going
to let everyone else
at the depot know

that you're
jealous of Ed.

Me jealous of him?

Jealous of him?

Jealous of what?
Jealous of what?

'Cause he's got a job
with his own office?

Behind a big desk.

( laughs )

With a secretary
that he dictates to.

Goes out and has lunch
with Marshall.

I'm jealous of that?

( laughs )

Whoa, how I want that job!

Ralph.

There'll be
other promotions

and other
executive jobs.

And you just
wait and see.

You're going to
get one of them.

Uh, what's the use
of kidding, Alice?

You picked a loser.

I'm never going
to be any executive.

Never going to be anything
but a bus driver.

Sixteen years,
I worked for that company.

Where am I?

Same spot I was in
when I started.

Norton meets the boss one day,

makes a couple
of suggestions,

look where he gets.

What's the difference?

I just haven't got it,
that's all.

And you're right.

( sighs )

I'm just angry with Norton
because of my pride.

Stupid pride.

Ralph, I'm not going to
have you talk that way.

You are a very valuable
man in that company.

Yeah.

I'm going upstairs.

Why, Ralph?

Going up to tell Norton,

that I... I'm sorry
I yelled at him

and that I congratulate him.

Uh, I'd like
to see you a minute, uh...

I wanted
to see you, too.

Well, uh,
I owe you an apology.

An apology?

Uh, yeah.

If it hadn't been for Trixie
having such a good memory,

uh, I would have really
done you an injustice.

I was upstairs
talking to her
about my idea

about odd and even
buses, you know.

And she reminded
me of-of your idea
for alternate buses.

Alternate buses?

Yeah. Remember when
you was having dinner

at our house one night,
and you were sounding off

about the bus schedule
and everything?

You said, "Why
don't they have
alternate buses?"

Well, I said to
Mr. Marshall, odds
and even buses.

You said alternate.

It was your
idea, I just used
different words.

Yeah.
I got to...

I got to thinking, uh,
all of the suggestions

that I gave to Mr.
Marshall were yours.

I just gave
them to him

in a different form
of words, that's all.

I guess the ideas
were just stuck in
the back of my head

from listening to you.

Well, what about
that thing you said

about the right guy
for the right job?

Well, that goes back
to what you said

about poor old
Hammermeil

when he got laid
off the job.

You were sore.
Remember you said,

"Put Hammermeil on
the... on the shift

where it's not so busy,
and he'll do a good job."

Remember?

Yeah.

You're trouble is,

you tell me all your
wonderful ideas.

Instead you should
be telling them
to Mr. Marshall.

And another thing,
when you get ideas,

write it down on
a piece of paper.

When you get these
thoughts, write it down.

Jot it down so you
don't forget it.

( laughs )

Boy.

Tonight I was so
proud of myself.

I thought I had
a wonderful head
on my shoulders.

Till I found out
it was yours.

I apologize, Ralph.
I'm sorry.

Norton...

I'm probably
the most fortunate guy

in the whole world
to have a friend like you.

Well,
thank you.

You're one
of the nicest guys I know.

And listen, you're coming
with me tomorrow, you know.

You're coming with me right down
to Mr. Marshall's office.

And I'm going to tell him
that all the ideas

that I gave him are your ideas.

And you are the man
for supervisor.

Oh, thanks, Ed.

Wow!

And-and furthermore, uh...

( chuckles )

If things pan out
the way that I
think they will--

and there's no reason
why they shouldn't--

and there's an
opening in that bus
company for me,

I'd be glad to work
for you... R.K.

The guy's a pretty nice guy,
ain't he?

One of the best guys
in the whole world.

You better write
that down, Ralph,

before you forget it.

I'll write this down, too.

Baby, you're the greatest.