02x10 - Ma Parker

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Batman". Aired: January 12, 1966 – March 14, 1968.*
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Series follows on Batman and Robin as they defend Gotham City from its various criminals.
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02x10 - Ma Parker

Post by bunniefuu »

So far, we have seen:

Ma Parker come to town...

Batman and Robin call...

a little old lady surrender...

treachery...

capture of Pretty Boy Parker...

Machine g*n Parker caught...

Mad Dog catchers...

Legs give up...

wheelchair whiz...

the Parkers in the pen...

deception...

Ma take over...

engine of destruction.

On the road.

Going on 60.

Was the Batmobile blasted?

Boy Wonder bombed?

Batman blown to bits?

Better not budge.

That's right, warden.

When the Batmobile's speedometer hits
60, that's the end of Batman and Robin.

Gosh, I'm hungry. I hope Aunt
Harriet has a good meal waiting.

Let's go faster.

You see that sign, Robin?

"Speed limit, 55 miles an hour."

A good driver always
observes the speed laws.

It's the best way to
stay out of trouble.

You're right.

What worries me is
what that trustee said.

What was that?

That Warden Crichton does
70 miles per hour on this road.

The warden wouldn't
break the speed laws.

Maybe he wanted
us to drive faster.

Maybe he wasn't just looking
at the Batmobile engine.

Just as I thought, dynamite.

There, that was it.

We've just dynamited
the dynamic duo.

Now there won't be any
interference with my plans.

We got everything here we need:
The personnel, the talent, the weapons...

- and the perfect hideout.
- Hideout?

Sure. When we
start pulling our jobs...

who'll think of looking for
the culprits in the penitentiary?

Heaven help us. It might work.

Sure, it's gonna work.
And you know why, warden?

Because the pen is
mightier than the sword.

Ma, you're a riot.

Yeah, a prison riot.

All right. Now let's
get down to business.

Legs, you go take
down those curtains.

Oh, Ma, why take them down?
They make the place look real nice.

Whoever heard of a
warden's office looking nice?

I want everything here to look
business-like and functional.

- When did you learn them words?
- Never mind.

We're gonna save the homey
touches for the cell block.

Now, I wanna talk to
that cook about the chow.

We serve the best
food in the penal system.

Maybe so, warden. But from now on, every
night is gonna be steak and potato night.

- Oh, yeah!
- Yeah!

When we've got this
place policed up real good...

we'll start getting
down to real business.

Yeah!

Why would a trustee put
dynamite in the Batmobile, Robin?

He certainly isn't
someone you could trust.

A prison is full of
social outcasts, Robin.

Some of them seeking revenge,
and one can hardly blame them.

Maybe one of the
prisoners put him up to it.

- Maybe even Ma Parker.
- Mm.

- What next, Batman?
- We're heading back.

Sorry to disturb
you again, warden...

but I wanted to make sure
everything was all right.

Why, of course
everything is all right.

Why shouldn't it be?

I note some changes
in your office decor.

It seems a trifle drab.

It's, uh, just being renovated.

And someone almost renovated
the Batmobile with dynamite.

That's why we're worried.

Probably an unfortunate mistake.

Still, I can't help thinking that Ma
Parker had something to do with it.

Why, nonsense.

I can show you that Ma
Parker is safely put away.

Oh.

You see, snug as a bug, Batman.

You're keeping Ma Parker and her daughter
in the same cell block with the boys?

Uh, yes, it... It's what I
call my family plan, Batman.

It's my theory that the family that
dorms together, reforms together.

Let's see the children.

Mm-hm.

There, you see?
Everything is fine, Batman.

Thank you, warden.
Everything looks A-okay.

All right, Robin. Let's go.

Nice work, warden.

One peep out of you...

and it would have been
curtains for Batman and Robin.

This is certainly a black
day for Gotham City.

All right, you, open
these here doors now.

Not that way, knucklehead.

These doors only open and close
electrically. Pull the master switch.

Now, boys, you listen to
me and you listen to me good.

It's taken me months to
organize this here little party...

and now we are in business.

We got everything
we need right here.

But most of all, we got some
of the top talent in the country.

Oh, it's true, boys. Most of
you were brought in by Batman...

and the Caped Crusader only
deals with top-echelon talent.

What about The
Penguin and the Joker?

They're still in solitary.

They can just cool off there until they
find out who's number one around here.

How do we make sure
Batman won't spoil everything?

Don't you worry about
Batman, Catwoman.

Batman and Robin can't hurt
us now. They can only help us.

Help us? How?

Because the dynamic
duo won't bother with us.

- We're already in prison. Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.

That's right.

All they'll be doing is
rounding up other criminals.

More talent for the
Gotham State Pen g*ng.

Oh, that's beautiful.
It's almost poetic.

The harder they work,
the more they'll help us.

So I say, long live
Batman and Robin!

Batman, you really think there's
something wrong with the crime computer?

Something's wrong, but I don't know
whether it's the crime computer or me.

But everything worked
out swell. Wham!

We got Pretty Boy,
Machine g*n, Mad Dog.

Zap! We got Legs and Ma Parker.

It was the easiest
job we ever did.

That's just it, Robin. It was too easy.
Commissioner Gordon said that Ma Parker...

was the most dangerous
adversary we've ever faced.

Yet she played
right into our hands.

I have the strangest
feeling we've been duped.

Big shipment today, Mickey.
Half a million dollars in cash.

All right, you men,
let's have that cash!

Our aim's bad enough. Theirs is worse.
Four g*ns, they can't even hit this truck.

All right, Tiger,
give them a b*mb.

- What was that?
- The seismograph.

The needle jumped.

- There's an earthquake in Gotham City?
- It didn't register a blast of that intensity.

But it does mean there's
been an expl*si*n...

in the vicinity of the
Gotham City National Bank.

Back! Get back! Back!

- Back, back. Back.
- Get back. Get back.

- Get back.
- Batman.

- What are we gonna do now, Ma?
- I'll tell you what, let's buy them off.

- Huh?
- Here!

Come on, get out of the way!

Move! Get out of my way!

Citizens, citizens,
please. Let us through.

Let us through. This is official
business. Please, citizens, let me by.

- They got away, Batman.
- Yes, thanks to all that interference.

- I wonder who they were.
- I don't know.

But the last one
left us a souvenir.

Mm. Just as I thought, Robin.
There's no doubt about it.

Just looks like a piece
of ripped sleeve to me.

Ripped prison cloth.

One of the criminals must be an escaped
convict from the Gotham State Penitentiary.

Holy jailbreak. We haven't heard
of an escaped prisoner, have we?

I suspect there may be a number
of things we haven't heard about.

Let's call Warden Crichton to see if
we can get some additional information.

I wish you'd let
me go with you, Ma.

It's dull just being
left behind in prison.

Legs, I don't think it's
gonna be dull much longer.

Don't answer it.

Hand me that
extension, Machine g*n.

Hello?

This is Batman, Warden Crichton.

Do you know anything
about an escaped prisoner?

Escaped prisoner?

It's that meddling
Caped Crusader.

Go tell him to take a
bat jump in Gotham Lake.

Warden Crichton...

- is there something wrong?
- Yes, there's plenty wrong.

Ma Parker has taken over
the prison. She and her boys...

Warden Crichton!

There's trouble at the penitentiary,
Robin, and Ma Parker must be behind it.

You think she's trying
to break out of jail?

I don't know.

But this is time for
us to try to break in.

Stand clear.

Hold it. Hold it.

There's easier ways to getting
in here, like robbing a bank.

- We'd hoped our arrival would go unnoticed.
- Yeah, well, I noticed it.

I guess I'm gonna have
to sh**t you, both of you.

Instructions from Ma Parker?

Yeah, she left orders.

She said anyone can get
out, but no one can get in.

Sorry.

- What a shame, Left.
- What do you mean?

- Jeopardizing your entire future?
- Jeopardizing?

Only 48 more years
before your parole.

Gee, I never thought of that.

Forty-eight more years
and I'm a free man.

Boy.

A wise decision.

You won't regret this, citizen.

- We've gotten this far, now what?
- Try to cross the yard without being spotted.

You've been spotted, Batman.

Hello, Kelly. Nice to see you.

Warden Crichton tells
me you're doing a fine job.

He does?

Well, welcome to the pen.

Let's take them to Ma.

Here you are, Ma, a present.

Well, well, well.

At last, Batman and
Robin in my power.

Boys, I think the dynamic
duo look hungry and tired.

Let's give them a good supper and
then find them a comfortable chair.

- You feeling nice and comfortable, Batman?
- Very.

The dinner was excellent.
My compliments to the chef.

And I do appreciate
your not rushing us.

Well, I also have
some time to k*ll.

Until midnight, you mean?

You savvy, Batman.

Why midnight, Ma?
Why not right now?

Mad Dog, Gotham City will
be sound asleep by midnight...

and nobody will notice the
extra drain on the power.

Mama always knows best.

Be careful of
those straps, fellas.

They're connected
to the electrical circuit.

Let's get going, boys.

There's a couple of last-minute
odds and ends I gotta attend to.

Legs, you stay here.

Even a girl ought to be
able to watch those two now.

Holy rheostat. Look at the time.

I know, Robin.

He who hath life hath time.

A proverb worth remembering.

Legs?

What's a nice girl like you
doing in a situation like this?

I'm as good as any boy,
even if Ma doesn't think so.

It does seem a little unfair.

Girls are more sensitive,
have more brain.

You can say that again.

And you weren't fooled
for a minute, were you?

When Ma left you here with us
even though we can't get away?

Wasn't I?

I... I mean, did she?

Well, why?

I have a suspicion, Legs...

that Ma and the boys have
something else cooking.

Something they maybe
didn't want you to know about.

Well, they can't pull
that one over on me.

What's that all about?

A psychological experiment,
Robin, and it worked.

Now, if I can just
break this wire...

and make contact with the Transistorized
Shortwave Bat-transmitter in my Utility Belt.

But that only connects to
the receiver in the Batcave.

That's right, Robin.

If I can just send
a signal to Alfred.

We don't have any power source.

The power is in
this chair itself.

If I can just break
this wire loose.

Now, to send a
message in bat-code.

Ahem. Yes, Madam?

Alfred, I know Bruce's study is his
private domain, but those sounds...

He's having some work
done on the wiring, madam.

- A new television unit, I believe.
- Oh.

Well, don't tell him I was
curious, will you, Alfred?

You think you got
through, Batman?

I don't know, Robin.

Oh, now look at the time.

It's almost midnight, Ma.

I know, Mad Dog. You
let your mother handle this.

- Oh, no, Ma, I wanna do it.
- No, me.

- No way.
- Quiet!

Quiet, quiet!

Ma Parker, I don't
care about myself.

But in the name of decency, I
ask you to spare the life of Robin.

Very, very touching.

Something must've gone
wrong with the electricity.

- I guess the power failed.
- I can't see, Ma.

All right. Why don't
you light a match?

- Here you are, Ma.
- Batman's loose!

Get him, get him.

- Are you all right, Robin?
- I've never felt better, Batman.

I noticed an emergency
generator switch here...

Yes, there it is.

Wow, these infrared eyeglasses
really worked, Batman.

- I could see perfectly in the dark.
- Yes, they came in handy.

- I still don't understand what happened.
- Simple. The message I gave to Alfred...

was have Gotham City Electric Company
shut off the power at precisely midnight.

Holy Edison. You're a wiz, Batman. But what
about all the loose convicts out there?

Snug in their cells. The doors
open and close electrically.

When the power was shut
off, they were locked in.

Well, Ma, I hope you've
learned your lesson at last.

Have pity, Batman,
on a poor mother.

I didn't mean any harm.

I was just trying to
make my children happy.

Look out, Batman!

Looking for this, Ma?

I took the precaution of removing
it from your hair during the fight.

You're very clever, Batman.

It isn't easy to foil the
greatest mother of them all.

Once again we're in your
debt, Caped Crusaders.

Just doing our job, commissioner,
and with some reluctance.

Committing a mother and her four children
to prison is not a pleasant assignment.

Even Ma Parker.

Anyway, you'd better make sure that she
and her progeny are safely tucked away.

For some time to come, Batman.

- What's that, warden?
- No need for alarm, Batman.

That's merely the call to
Sunday chapel service.

Oh.

Excuse me, warden.

Yes, what is it, Riley?

This package just arrived for Ma Parker.
I thought you'd better see it first.

Careful, warden,
you know her tricks.

Yes. It might be
some more dynamite.

Let me see that, warden.

It was ordered on your telephone,
warden, by her four children...

when they had
control of the prison.

Easy, Batman.

I don't think there's
any danger, Robin.

Flowers, gentlemen.

Do you know what day this is?

- What day?
- Mother's Day.
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