02x19 - Green Ice

[bunniefuu]

A beastly hot day
in Gotham City.

Rare indeed for a metropolis which
generally enjoys perfect weather.

But what better time of year...

for Gotham City's Annual
Miss Galaxy contest...

for which the five remaining contestants
are already preparing this morning...

for tonight's final event.

And five beauties
they are, indeed.

Miss Corsica, Miss
Canary Islands...

Miss Barrier Reef...

the local favorite, Miss
Gotham City herself...

and Miss Iceland.

But what's this?

Strangers are never allowed in
the beauty queen's dressing room...

let alone kidnappers.

Let alone him.

Sorry I can't take
you all with me.

Ladies.

Oh-ho! What a scorcher.

Ninety-six in the shade and
the temperature's still rising.

Miss Iceland?

Kidnapped from the beauty
pageant dressing room?

The leader was wearing what?

A collar with jet nozzles?

To keep his head cold?

Of course. At once.

Jet nozzles to keep
your head cold?

Sounds like a good invention.

But there's just one man who
might have invented it, Chief O'Hara.

Just one man who can live in an
environment 50 degrees below zero.

And just one man who has likely
to have kidnapped Miss Iceland.

Shiver me timbers, commissioner.

- You don't mean Mr. Freeze?
- I do, indeed.

That cold-blooded,
cold-hearted, calloused culprit.

Seems a pity on a day like this
to call out the Caped Crusader.

Fair weather or foul,
dog days or a monsoon...

who else could we
call in such a crisis?

- And who else would answer?
- Mm.

Maybe he'll welcome
the air conditioning...

Commissioner.

I wonder if Batman will
welcome the air conditioning.

Wild.

Help!

Frozen tight.

What do we do?

And in Wayne Manor...

stately home of millionaire Bruce Wayne
and his youthful ward, d*ck Grayson...

- Uh, help.
- Naturally, sir.

Oh, Alfred. Mrs. Cooper
was looking for you.

Something about that
reception she's planning tonight.

Thank you, Alfred.

- Yes, commissioner.
- Bat...

Help.

The commissioner.

I think he was trying
to tell me something.

To the Batpoles. On the double.

Meanwhile, in an ice cream
truck directly across the street...

the sinister Mr. Freeze is plotting
his next cold, calculating move.

So the Caped Crusaders have
come to the rescue after all.

That means the newspaper
reporters won't be far behind.

Wild. Chill?

- You have the iceman?
- He's waiting outside, Mr. Freeze.

Shivers, you have the ice?

It's all ready, boss.

- Get the operation going.
- Okay, boss.

Holy polar front.

Yes, Boy Wonder. The commissioner and
Chief O'Hara are trapped in that office.

With frost and snow and slush
and ice pouring out all over.

It's terrible.

I'm afraid they d*ed
an icy death by now.

A negative viewpoint, sergeant.
A man has nothing without hope.

Robin, the plastic expl*sive.

Stand clear, please.

Darling, Miss Iceland.

Soon I'll be able to make
you much more comfortable.

Then I'll start lowering the
temperature in your lovely body...

and you will learn
how to love me.

To love me as much as most
people will learn how to hate Batman.

No matter how
thick the battle...

no matter how heavy the frost...

no matter who you really are
or where you ever come from...

I knew I could depend
on you, Batman.

But why can't we find
out what happened?

Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara
nearly freeze to death in this office...

on the hottest day of the year, and nobody
can or will give us any details whatsoever.

- Yeah.
- Please. Please, gentlemen of the press...

and this attractive young lady.

Nellie Majors.
Gotham City Herald.

As if you didn't know.

I ask you all to be patient.

Commissioner Gordon and Chief
O'Hara will give you the details later.

As you can see, it's been a
rather harrowing experience.

That's what our
readers buy, Batman.

Harrowing experiences.

Has this anything to do with the
kidnapping of Miss Iceland today?

Miss Iceland kidnapped?

Holy hijack.

And might it involve a
certain arch criminal...

who escaped from the state penitentiary
last week in an ice cream truck?

It just might, Nellie.

Yes, it's very possible Mr. Freeze
has started another cold wave of terror.

Robin, since when do we make public
accusations without strong solid proof?

Robin's indiscreet statement...

is strictly off the record.

Not off my record, Batman.

I'm sorry, Ms. Majors...

I certainly wasn't suggesting...

what your paper should or
should not print. It's just that I feel...

That you're on a spot,
Batman? Is that it?

Oh, I know you're a well-known
crime-fighter and a local hero.

But I've seen many heroes
tarnished in the course of my career.

Nellie, I won't have the Caped Crusader
spoken to like that in this office.

You too, commissioner?
Something to hide?

Where did you come
from? Who ordered that?

A couple of guys down on the
street sent it up. Paid off in advance.

Nice present on a day like this.

"To Batman.

For incidental crime expenses."

I-C-E.

Ice?

Ice. Green ice.

Bribe money, Batman?

A reward for not revealing
what happened here today?

Afraid I don't
understand, Ms. Majors.

I doubt if the readers of the Gotham
City Herald will be equally deluded.

Your mask seems to
make an excellent blindfold.

Come on, fellas.

Regardless of how this little windfall is
interpreted, I'd still like to see it go...

to the Policemen's Welfare
Fund, commissioner.

After the way you've
been vilified today?

It's not your fault, commissioner,
and I certainly don't blame Ms. Majors.

A reporter's lot is not easy.

Making exciting stories...

out of plain, average, everyday
people like Robin and me.

In a seemingly abandoned
cold storage plant...

Mr. Freeze has taken
up temporary residence...

where even now he is coldly
calculating his next move...

in Operation Hate Batman.

Wild, boys. Wild.

Look here. "Is
Batman being bribed?

Is Batman on ice?

What slippery character is putting
the skids under the Caped Crusader?"

Written by someone
called Nellie Majors.

Very good article too. Must be a
very clever woman, that Nellie Majors.

- Don't you think so, boys?
- Sure do, boss.

She's the smartest news hand on
the Gotham City Herald, Mr. Freeze.

Wild. Now, put on your
costumes for the next maneuver.

Well, the Cape Crusader
is getting the works at last.

Now he'll understand
what it is like not to be loved.

Now he'll feel hate for once.

Hate. Like I feel hate.

You should feel hate.

I certainly hate you.

But why, my
darling Miss Iceland?

Haven't I made you comfortable?

All this beautiful furniture,
those nice cool frosty bars...

to lower the temperature
in your beautiful body?

To air condition you, darling,
so you would stop hating me?

Once you hit 50-degree below
zero, you will be loving me.

Loving you?

Oh, you're a monster. Never.

Oh, we'll see.

- We'll see.
- Oh!

You'll see, Mr. Freeze. Wasn't there something
in those newspapers about my kidnapping?

A small item or two.

But all the important headlines
were taken up by Batman's disgrace.

Do my eyes deceive me
or is this the Dynamic Duo?

We put on the costume
like you said, Mr. Freeze.

- I'm Batman.
- I'm Robin.

Wild. From a distance, even
I couldn't tell the difference.

Now, this is my plan.

We've fed the Batanalyzer
all the pertinent information...

on Mr. Freeze's past crimes.

Now, let's see what it
computes for the future.

What is it, Batman?

It's more green ice.

- Yes, Alfred?
- Knowing first things come first, sir...

I waited until the last possible moment
before interrupting your computations...

but, uh, the guests
will be arriving shortly.

- Guests?
- Yes, sir.

The poolside reception this evening.
For the Bruce Wayne Foundation.

Holy tuxedo.

If we're late, Aunt
Harriett will k*ll us.

"k*ll" is not a word to be
bandied about haphazardly, Robin.

Angry, yes, as well she
might be if we're late.

Don't forget, we placed the
entire burden of this reception...

on her stout,
unselfish shoulders.

On the double.

Good evening, Mayor Linseed.

And Linda. How nice to have you.

It's so nice to be
here, Mrs. Cooper.

Any party at stately Wayne
Manor is a big event in our lives.

- Thank you.
- My dear.

What could have
happened to Bruce and d*ck?

He'll be here in a
moment, madam.

Oh, here they are now.

- Sorry, Aunt Harriett, a slight delay.
- I lost a cuff link.

Well, I think everyone's here.

Alfred, ask the caterer to start
passing the hors d'oeuvres.

They already are, madam.

But I'll check
again below stairs.

Beautiful, Aunt Harriett. You've
outdone yourself, as usual.

You really like it?

I originally planned to
have it all Japanese-y...

but the caterer called
and suggested Irish.

He said green was most
becoming to women guests.

What do you think?

- Green?
- I even had the reflection pool dyed green.

- Mrs. Cooper is a clever colleen, Bruce.
- Yes. Who would have thought it?

A wee bit of the Emerald Isle right
outside of Gotham City. Heh-heh.

Holy shamrocks.

Emerald.

Also known among
the criminal set...

- as green ice.
- Green ice.

Stop.

Don't move, anybody.

Nobody move.

What in the world is this?

Let's get him quick.

Patience, d*ck Grayson.

You've all heard me.

So no monkey business.

Who is he?

How dare he come here
and spoil our nice party.

Maybe that special
duty policeman...

Bruce, we just can't stand here.

These are my guests, d*ck. I don't dare
make a move to put them in further jeopardy.

Waiters.

Clear your trays and fill
them up with real goodies.

Wild. Ha-ha-ha!

That voice.

It sounds exactly
like the caterer...

- who called suggesting the Irish motif.
- Figures.

I'll try sneaking around him.

No, Chief O'Hara.

Better the loss of a few baubles
than the life of a stalwart citizen.

No, no. Not that.

No. It's engraved. A generous memento, given
to me by the good people of Gotham City.

- You can't do that. BRUCE:
Don't fight it, Aunt Harriet.

One day, these men
will get their just desserts.

- Oh!
- You said it, Aunt Harriett.

Enough amusement for now.

And so you don't do anything
foolish like following us...

everybody into the pool, please.

Bruce.

This is too much. Do something.

Under the circumstances...

I think it would be wise
to follow his instructions.

When I say in the
pool, I mean in the pool.

Move, please.

I have never felt so indignant.

Or so helpless.

That'll cool you off a little.

Wild. Ha-ha-ha!

- Green ice.
- Just as the computer predicted.

If only Batman and
Robin were here.

Sure, and our only chance for
salvation are the Caped Crusaders.

They must have heard us.

All right, Mr. Freeze. Give
back those jewels or else.

Or what else?

You'll be sorry.

That's wild. Ha-ha-ha!

Easy, Batman. You almost hit me.

Oh, sorry, Mr. Freeze. I'll
be more careful next time.

Batman and Robin,
don't leave us.

No, the safety of the
guests here comes first.

How do I look with egg on my face?
- Shh, shh.

Wild. Ha-ha-ha!

Strange, the Dynamic
Duo acting in this manner.

It's not like them.
Not like them at all.

It is not.

Though everyone has
heard the recent rumor.

That is, if they read
the Gotham City Herald.

Merciful heavens.

Your arrival was
well-timed, Alfred.

If you hadn't turned on that pool
heater, we'd all still be frozen in.

A clever ploy by
Mr. Freeze, I'm afraid.

- That inhuman ice cube.
- If I'd arrived even earlier, sir...

I might have been able to
expose those impostors of his.

Um, if I may say so, sir.

I'm a bit concerned about the current
reputation of the Caped Crusaders.

- Me too.
- There are other reputations to be considered.

Commissioner Gordon,
Chief O'Hara, Mayor Linseed.

None of this looks
good for Gotham City.

But Alfred's right, Batman.

Everyone will believe that
story about you taking a bribe.

Unless we capture Mr. Freeze
and return the jewels tonight.

And perhaps rescue Miss Iceland.

Her kidnapping seems to
have become secondary.

A regrettable situation
for any young girl.

I hear Iceland is considering
severing diplomatic relations, sir.

Which we must
prevent at all cost.

But where could
he be hiding out?

Yes. Three good possibilities.

"The Bottling Works, the
Meat Packing Company...

and the Frosty
Freezies Factory."

Currently shut down but
adjoining the cold storage plant.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Beautiful for my beautiful love.

I want nothing from you. Ever.

Perhaps you're not cool
enough to be cooperative.

I'm colder than I want to be.

- My fingers are getting numb.
- That's good.

Your metabolism is changing...

and your temperature
is still a bit above zero.

In the morning,
you'll be 50 below.

And madly in love with me.

You could turn
me into a glacier...

and I still wouldn't love you.

You a glacier, darling
Miss Iceland? Never.

But I have other plans
for a monstrous ice floe.

What is it, Chill?

Here's the frozen reindeer meat
you wanted for a midnight snack.

Oh. What else? Something
seems to be bothering you.

I was leaving the Meat Packing
Company, the Batmobile pulled up.

Oh, so the Cape Crusaders are
now checking cold storage units.

And getting closer.

Now the Batmobile is parked in
front of the Frosty Freezies Factory.

Batman and Robin must be inside.

Wild.

We will put the Dynamic
Duo on ice once and forever.

Gosh, Batman. Dig those flavors.

"Lemon lime, orange,
raspberry, pineapple."

Take your choice, Boy Wonder.

Haven't you read the newspapers?
Haven't you heard the stories?

The public is fickle.

You're no longer the
great hero of Gotham City.

And soon, very soon, you'll
be hated. Despised like me.

Wild. Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha! Wild.

Look out, Robin. The freeze g*n.

So you wanted to
outsmart me, eh?

But you can't outsmart the
machinery in this factory.

And soon you'll be the first two
human frosty freezies in history.

Ha-ha-ha! Wild.