02x40 - That Darn Catwoman

[bunniefuu]

It's 11 a.m...

and the graduating class
at Aaron Burr High School...

has a very special speaker.

But the one thing you must
remember as you go out into the world...

to face the challenge of higher
education in our great universities...

is always to obey the law
and support your local police.

Good citizenship
is its own reward.

There he is, Pussycat.

Do your duty.

He's kind of cute.

Say, why'd you get me involved
in this anyway, Catwoman?

Well, Batman has his
protégé and you're mine.

But I'm just a rock 'n'
roll singer. I'm not a crook.

Oh, forget it.

You're 20 years old.
You're over the hill.

Now, you just do as I tell you
and scratch a way into his heart.

Uh, excuse me.

Can I help you, miss?

My name is Pussycat.

And I wanna be
alone with you, Robin.

Alone with me? But why?

I can see a very important part of your
education has been grossly neglected.

That's a funny-looking
outfit you're wearing.

I could say the
same for you, big boy.

Anything in particular you want?

Only you, Boy Wonder.

She's done it.

Now, let's see if
cataphrenic really works.

Hello, baby. You're
a real cute trick.

- It works.
- Yeah. Ha-ha. Ooh.

Hey, fellas, there's
Chief O'Hara. Look out.

Hello there, Boy Wonder.

Oh, who's your friend?

- What's it to you, fella?
- What?

Get out of my way,
or I'll give you a fat lip.

What have you done to
him, you little banshee?

Come on, gorgeous.

Frankly, I'm worried.

Yes, commissioner.

I don't know how to tell
you this, Batman, but Robin...

Don't mince words,
commissioner. I can take it.

Well, Robin att*cked Chief
O'Hara today at the high school.

Why would he do that?
What was his reason?

- He escaped before we could learn anything.
- And Chief O'Hara?

Well, he had the wind knocked
out of him, but he's recovered.

I'll be right there.

It was as though the
devil had taken him.

He was trifling with some
little red-headed girl...

and he answered my
greeting by tripping me.

Who could have put him
up to such a dastardly deed?

Chief O'Hara, had you ever seen
this titian-haired wench before?

Never. BATMAN: Mm.

It could be we have a new villainess
to wreak havoc on Gotham City.

Well, now, that's hard
to say, Caped Crusader.

She couldn't have been more
than 18, give or take four years.

Kind of young for
crime business.

In today's rapidly changing
world, one never knows.

You can say that again.

Before we set brain and
sinew to this perplexing case...

let's review all the facts.

Meanwhile, at stately
Wayne Manor...

- Alfred?
- Yes, madam?

I know I shouldn't
ask you this...

but why am I not
allowed in Bruce's study?

Uh, well, madam...

every man likes to have
someplace that is, uh, a sanctuary.

Far away from the, uh, if you
pardon the expression, opposite sex.

Now, uh, for those less fortunate
than Mr. Wayne, it's the barbershop.

For him, his study.

A masculine retreat far from the
thr*at of female encroachment.

- Oh.
- Stay right where you are...

and don't make a move.

Robin, tie them up.

Mercy alive. What's Robin
doing with Catwoman?

Same thought crossed
my mind, madam.

You... You...

Shut up, old man.

Ha-ha. Ooh.

Never thought the day would come
when Robin would be my sycophant...

did you?

Oh, dear, is there
anything left to believe in?

- All done, Catwoman.
- Good.

Go help the boys blow the safe.

What have you done
to him? You... You...

You...

He's under the
influence of cataphrenic.

A drug which reverses all the
normal moral and ethical standards...

and causes a person to become the
exact opposite of what he was before.

So now he's just as pro-crime
as formerly he was anti?

Exactly.

Now, my next move is to put
Batman in the same condition.

Stick with me, sweetheart.
We're going places together.

As soon as we get enough cash,
we'll lay low across the border.

Forget it.

All this is working capital.

We got a much
bigger job to pull.

- You're the boss, Catwoman.
- Yup.

What's wrong?

I don't know. I feel dizzy.

I... Ah...

Probably a negative
side effect from the drug.

It should wear off
in a couple hours.

Spade, Marlow, Templar,
take him and get out of here.

Never mind.

Give me.

- Hello?
- Oh, I'm so glad I found you, sir.

Master Robin was
just here with...

- With Catwoman.
- Catwoman?

- Catwoman?
- Catwoman?

Yes, sir. They proceeded to rob the
wall safe of the housekeeping money.

Two-hundred thousand dollars.

Worst of all, sir, Master
Robin didn't recognize me.

He's under the influence of some drug that,
uh, makes him, well, sir, quite a bully.

It also causes amnesia
and fainting spells.

Mm-hm.

It appears she has the
power to cloud men's minds.

Stay right where you are.

Yeah.

Commissioner...

it's worse than we thought.

Where's Robin?

Sleeping it off in the
other room, Catwoman.

He seems sort of fuzzy since
we got back from Wayne Manor.

Oh. Well, we just won't
take him on any of our jobs.

But as long as he's on our side, even in
spirit, that'll keep Batman at a safe distance.

What are you doing, Pussycat?

I bought one of those
background music records.

Music?

I just wanna hear how I sound.

Marlow and Spade and Templar...

they've generously consented
to be my test audience.

I told you to
forget about music.

Now, either you're gonna be a singer,
or you're gonna be an arch-criminal.

- You can't be both.
- Do I have a choice?

No. You're too short.

Anyway, you had your
choice and you took it...

when I picked you out of that, uh,
Milk Shake A Go-Go on the Sunset Strip.

Ah, the Milk Shake A
Go-Go. Sunset Strip.

All right, sing.

But I won't listen.

Forget your past flings.

Along the sand

Let's walk the
shores together now

Yes, hand in hand

It's gonna be fair weather now

When the stars come out

Stop to count them in the sky

Warm California nights

With the breeze blowing in

Time for love to begin

I would miss

California nights

If I went on my way

Thinking now that I'll stay

Ooh, baby

Love you, baby

Mm, baby

Love California nights

Always close as a kiss

Nothing's sweeter than this

And we'll spend

California nights

Enough.

No more. Quiet.

Nobody gets more
applause than Catwoman.

Ahem. That was very nice.

- Have you gotten it out of your system?
- For the time being.

All right, we can concentrate
on the problems at hand.

- Which are?
- We need another $800,000.

And Batman.

In that order.

Batman?

I thought you said we'd be in the clear
with Batman as long as we have Robin.

Well, I want more. I
want Batman in my corner.

Once we get him on our side, there'll
be no end to our criminal activities.

That's a tall order,
Catwoman. About 6-foot-2.

Well, I can do it.

The first item on the agenda is
a phone call to the commissioner.

Pussycat, bring
me the telephone.

Oh.

- Put her on my private line, please.
- Yes, sir.

What do you want, Catwoman?

Plug me into the Batphone, if
you know what's good for you.

Now, look here, what do
you think this is anyway?

Stop fumfering and
be quick about it.

- Yes, commissioner?
- I have a call for you, Batman.

Hello, Batman.
How are you feeling?

I know you didn't call to ask about my
health, Catwoman. What have you done to Robin?

He's safe, as long
as you do as I say.

- Go on. CATWOMAN:
I plan to commit...

a series of robberies.

Why are you telling me?

Because if you or the police
do anything to stop me...

I'll have Robin
k*lled instantly.

Catwoman...

I find you to be odious,
abhorrent and insegrevious.

Dealing with you has expanded my
vocabulary, increased my word power, uh...

a whole lot.

Now, if we could meet
on neutral ground...

I'm sure we could come
to a complete agreement.

Don't do it,
Batman. It's a trap.

Are you listening,
Commissioner Gordon? Tut-tut-tut.

Don't you know that
that's illegal? Ha-ha-ha.

No deal, Catwoman.

All right.

It's curtains for Robin.

La-di-da-di-da-la-la.

Dreadfully sorry, Batman, but
I could scarcely contain myself.

It's all right,
commissioner. I understand.

I must handle this
in my own way.

Don't be shocked by
anything that happens...

and under no circumstances
make any attempt to capture her.

It may mean Robin's life.

Why are we only stealing cash?

Because, my dear Pussycat, I
must raise $1 million in small bills...

to purchase plans of
the Gotham City Mint.

The mint?

Wow. You always did
think big, Catwoman.

Why not? Hm.

I'd get the same prison term for
knocking over a hot-dog stand.

When you're a 12-time loser...

it doesn't make much
difference what you steal.

Go see if Robin's ready to move.

How much?

- Only a hundred thou, Catwoman.
- Oh.

Add it to the 2 we got
from stately Wayne Manor...

and we're still 700
thou short of our goal.

Well...

there are a couple of people around town
who are known to keep large sums of money.

We'll have to hit them for that.

Robin is dead to the world.

I had to put a mirror to his mouth
to see if he was still breathing.

Ah, probably gave
him an overdose.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Come on, tabbies.

Pussycat, guard the money.

And in the decrepit
loft apartment...

of the world's richest and
cheapest inventor, Pat Pending...

Rudy, I've got it. Ha-ha!

I perfected the formula
for our universal solvent.

Oh, that's real
good, Mr. Pending.

- But what are you going to keep it in?
- What?

If it's really a universal solvent,
it'll go right through every container.

By George, you're right.

- Yes.
- I never thought of that.

And you can give up any thoughts
about your perpetual-motion machine.

Never. It'll be a
boon to humanity.

No, it won't.

It'll put millions of
people out of work.

What happens when parts don't
need to be replaced anymore?

Think of the machinists
and lathe operators...

and folks like that who'd
be on the breadline.

Rudy, besides being a
good valet, you're a genius.

Thanks, Mr. Pending.

Well, at least I
still have one thing.

My money.

I don't know, Mr. Pending.

Sometimes I think your
money would be safer in a bank.

Sometimes, Rudy,
you're too negative.

You heard the news on the radio.

Was that money in the bank
safe from Catwoman, huh?

Here on the 10th floor of this old
warehouse, we've got the best bank of all...

my mattress.

Get them.

Any stocks or bonds missing?

No, no.

I woke up when they
were gathering the money.

Catwoman specifically
indicated cash. My cash.

Said her contact
demanded small bills only.

Did she have anything else
to say about her contact?

Mentioned something about
a prince getting weighed.

Whatever that means.

A prince getting weighed. Huh.

Do you know what?
I think I've got it.

Tomorrow morning, Prince
Ibn Kereb of Gedallia...

has his annual weighing-in
ceremony in his embassy ballroom.

- It was in this morning's paper.
- Of course.

They weigh the prince on one side of a scale
and they pour paper money on the other side.

- Yes.
- I read it too.

And when the weight of the
money equals the prince's weight...

they turn it all over to
the orphans of the country.

Fantastic.

Let's go. We must notify Batman.

You bet, commissioner. To the elevator.
- Yes.

And the next morning, Prince
Ibn Kereb is getting weighed.

This is a surprise att*ck.

Now, you all have your
instructions. Synchronize watches.

- None of us have watches.
- Ah...

Just get the money and run.

- How are you feeling, Robin?
- Hm.

Mm, perfect.

You're learning.

Get the loot, Robin.
Everyone else, freeze.

Don't do it, Robin.

She's got you under
her spell, Robin.

Who's the character in
the ridiculous costume?

Ha-ha! That's Batman.

Don't you recognize me, Robin?

What a dastardly
development this is.

Stay out of this, men.

I'd rather do it myself.

Oh, my money! My money!

Hey, stop them!

Stop them! Oh, the money.

- My money! That is my money!
- Shut up.

- Allah! Oh, my money.
- Ha-ha.

Now that I have dispensed
with your men, Catwoman...

your turn has come.

Not yet, Batman.

- Robin?
- Yeah.

Ha. Slay the blue dragon.

Groovy.

Oh, no.

Heh. Oh, yes.

Come on, cats.

Everyone into my Catillac.

Across the bridge in New
Guernsey lies the Catlair West.

Ah, Batman's on my trail.
I can feel it in my whiskers.

Well, we'll have to get ready.

Wake up.

Uh...

Get me the
electric cattle prods.

Yeah. And turn
them up full volume.

Oh, boy, is he in for a shock.

Commissioner Gordon, I seem
to have found a second Catlair.

This could be a trap,
but I'll have to chance it.

Robin's life is at stake.

Of course I'll call you.

Holy nick of time. Am
I glad you showed up.

Good boy, Robin. You've
been playing possum.

And all the time I thought
you'd become a turncape.

Oh.

Oh.

Ha-ha-ha. Would I do that
to you, huh, Batman baby?

Great Scott. I...

Batman.

If you agree to help
me, I'll let you up.

If not...

Robin will cut the rope,
the steel bar will snap...

and you'll be divided
into equal parts.

In other words, heh...

you'll be beside yourself.

I'll never be your
partner, Catwoman.

Oh.

Ho-hum.

Boy Wonder, start cutting.