02x50 - Batman Displays His Knowledge

[bunniefuu]

When last we saw
the Dynamic Duo...

they were bound hand and
foot in an outsized coffee cup...

and about to be scalded
and scarred by sulfuric acid...

in full view of an unwitting
throng in Chimes Square.

Hold onto your beanies. They
may not get out of this one.

Goodbye, Batman.

- It's been nice working with you.
- Never say die, Robin.

- We've been in worse scrapes than this before.
- Well, not like this.

The acid is about to pour. Quickly, plaster
yourself against the side of the cup.

What are you going to do?

A little trickle of acid will
proceed the big gush, Robin.

If my timing and
positioning are accurate...

perhaps those few drops
will burn through these ropes.

It's about to trickle
over the lip, Robin.

But there's many a slip
twixt the cup and lip, Batman.

- Very good, Robin.
- Thank you, Batman.

- Ah!
- You did it.

We're not out of the
woods yet, old chum.

I'll have to trip that
switch with my Batarang.

I don't know how
we do it, Batman.

What do you mean?

The way we get into these
scrapes, and get out of them...

it's almost as though someone
was dreaming up these situations.

Guiding our destiny.

Things like that only happen in
the movies, Robin. This is real life.

I guess you're right.

- Let's go.
- After Catwoman?

No. Those poor misguided
students are still restless.

Our first duty is to save them.

To disperse them before they do
something that might blight their lives.

Catwoman will have to wait.

Meanwhile, in a
building across town...

the annual sale of priceless
Batagonian cat's-eyes opals...

is about to begin at the
Forever Jewel Company.

Now, ladies and gentlemen...

as you know, each of these pouches
contains $650,000 worth of cat's-eye opals.

However, because this is the only place
in the world where you can buy them...

we'll start the
bidding at $750,000.

You're not allowed
to look in the pouches.

Now, gentlemen,
lady, what am I bid?

I'll give you absolutely
nothing for the entire lot.

What?

Who are you?

I'm a Batagonian cat's-eye opal fancier
and I think your prices are outrageous.

Consequently, I shall take them
off your lily-white hands for free.

You're Catwoman.

In the fur.

Now, if you'll all assume
positions of subservience...

we can complete this caper with a
minimum of jeopardy and danger for all.

On your knees, knaves.

Penn...

pack up those baubles
in your old kit bag.

- Right, commissioner.
- What's up?

Catwoman made off with $12 million worth of
Batagonian cat's-eye opals late last night.

Holy bijou.

That's very good, Robin.
Bijou. French for "jewel."

Heh. Thank you, Batman.

She's playing right into our
hands. I planned it all this way.

You mean you wanted
her to steal the gems?

Yes. Batagonian cat's-eye opals are notorious
for the amount of great bad luck they bring...

to whoever steals them.

I wonder if that amusing old
wives' tale will hold true to form?

You, of all people, don't
believe in superstition, do you?

Me? Superstitious? Nonsense. Ah!

Never walk under
a ladder, Robin.

Batman, I'm surprised at you.

Not at all. There is a
custom based on fact.

The ladder could fall
and hit you on the head.

Or someone could slip
and fall from the ladder.

It doesn't pay to court
disaster, Robin. Let's go.

Ah! Long time, no
meow, Catwoman.

- Where have you been?
- Up the river.

Ah, those are the pitfalls
of the crime business.

Well, what can I do for you?

Judging from the looks of the place, I
take it you're still in the fencing game?

Well, you know I like to keep
my skilled hands in stolen goods.

- Ha.
- Ha-ha-ha. You have something?

Right up your alley.

Ah!

Spaghetti.

Al Dente.

A masterpiece. Sit down.

Ah.

I wish I could invite you to dine with
me, but there is barely enough for one.

I'm sorry.

Batagonian cat's-eye opals.

You said a triple soupçon.

Forget it.

Forget it?

Every gendarme in Gotham
City is looking for these.

- It would be impossible to get rid of.
- You got the best overseas contacts.

It doesn't matter. There is a
$3 million reward for these.

You won't touch them.

No. It's too hot.

Besides, everyone knows that
the Batagonian cat's-eye opals...

are bad luck for
anyone who steals them.

French Freddy, you are a fink.

I wish I could help you, ma chérie,
but you know how it is. Ha, ha.

Well, here's my address.
If you think of something...

- I'll cut you in.
- Thank you.

Come on, g*ng.

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

Go ahead, Captain Courageous,
tell him what you just told me.

I'm very sorry, Batman,
for ever having doubted you.

That's quite all right, captain. You
were only doing your job, and quite well.

You couldn't have possibly
known it was a Catwoman trick.

Excuse me for a moment, but
I have to phone Bruce Wayne.

Keep him posted on Catwoman's exploits.
He's her parole officer, you know.

Yes, of course, commissioner.
While you make that call...

- I'll borrow the Batphone.
- Good.

What are you going to do?

I've provided for
emergencies like this, Robin.

Now, you just watch.

- I'm afraid he's not here, sir.
- No, I'm here.

Good gracious me.

The Wayne phone will
ring in a few seconds, Alfred.

- Plug in the Bat-syllable device.
- Right, sir.

- Hello.
- This is Commissioner Gordon, Mr. Wayne.

How are you?

I'm calling to let you know that Catwoman's
stolen several million dollars’ worth of jewels.

Have you called Batman?

He's here in my
office right now.

Good. He'll catch
her if anyone can.

Sorry I wasn't a
better parole officer.

Call me if you have any
further news. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Wayne.

Ah.

It's eerie, Batman. Every
time I talk to Mr. Wayne...

- I get the feeling I'm talking to you.
- Really?

For a while I thought you
and he were the same person.

But here you are and I've just
spoken with him on the phone.

I guess that dissolves any
tentative theory I may have harbored.

Sure and it does. Bruce
Wayne is a millionaire playboy.

Hardly a secret identity
for Batman. Ha, ha.

How did it work, sir?

Superbly.

Now, if you will program the
Well-Known Criminals File...

and see who in Gotham City
would be the most logical fence...

to handle a Batagonian
cat's-eye opal heist.

Batagonian... Yes.

There's only one name listed,
sir. "French Freddy Touché."

- Corbin Place.
- Thank you.

- A lead? BATMAN: Yes, I
hope so. For all our sakes.

Let's go, Robin.

I'd heard about them out in
California, Commissioner Gordon.

But the idea of crime fighters
in such fantastic costumes...

seemed too
incredible to believe.

We never had anything
like that in Hollywood.

No one will ever see
the likes of them again.

For some reason, they chose Gotham City
to be the recipient of their derring-do...

and I, for one, bless the
day they arrived on the scene.

Long may they live.

Did you come for
anything specific, Batman?

Or do you hope to pick
up free pointers on fencing?

Holy Zorro. Don't you know Batman
is the best fencer in the country?

You're still in the stolen-goods
business, aren't you, Freddy?

Me? A fence?

En garde. Catch.

You stain my name,
French Freddy Touché.

En garde, I say.

- You were saying?
- Has anyone been here trying to sell...

- a treasure-trove of cat's-eye opals?
- I do not accept stolen merchandise anymore.

Now I am only interested
in body-building.

You know, in building bodies.

Can't you see he's
stalling, Batman?

A man is innocent until
proven guilty, Robin.

That's provided for in our Constitution.
I'll accept your explanation for the nonce.

However, if we find that
you've been prevaricating...

it will not go well for you.

Let's go, Robin.

Hi, Big Blanche, I've
got a deal for you that'll...

Same to you, lady.

Drat, drat...

double drat.

Nobody wants the stuff?

Can't give it away.

- Someone's at the secret door.
- Who could it be?

Just one other person knows
about that secret entrance.

French Freddy, the
Fence. Let him in.

Bonjour, Catwoman.

Ready to make a deal?

No, no. I just wanted to tell you that Batman
was, uh, how do you say, nosing around.

Batman? We thought he was dead.

He looks pretty
good for a dead man.

Triple drat.

I have an idea that will
take us all off the hook.

I know that you cannot
sell those opals...

so I thought it would be a good
idea to turn them in for the reward.

- What's your cut?
- One-third.

One million. That
leaves us 2 million.

Well, that's fair enough.
Give him the opals, boys.

But, Catwoman, how do
we know we can trust him?

We've got no choice.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

What's so funny?

- How you've been taken.
- Taken?

These are not the
cat's-eye opals.

- They are cleverly disguised paste replicas.
- We stole them with our own eight hands.

Well, then you went to a
lot of trouble for nothing.

These are imitation zircons that
have been dipped in cherry frosting.

And a poor grade of cherry
frosting at that. Terrible.

Taste.

Batman did it. That
dirty, rotten guy.

I'll get him if it's the
second-to-last thing I do.

Brown...

I want you to take this
message to police headquarters.

Batman's pulled the fur
over my eyes once too often.

Amazing that you could have
predicted her plot, Batman.

You saved the entire nation of
Batagonia with your brilliant foresight.

To say nothing of my
profitable business.

The $3 million reward you've posted
will flush her into the open, Miss Forever.

How did you ever do it?

When I learned that the student disturbance
would be in the area of the gem exchange...

I simply put three and one together
and came up with the answer.

Hence, the
switching of the gems.

But by this time, she must have
found out that we've hoodwinked her.

Commissioner, within next few minutes,
you can expect a message from Catwoman.

Holy hypotheses.

Yes, Bonnie.

Send him in.

What brazen impudence.

She sent one of her men here
with a message for you, Batman.

Calm down, Brown.
You're as jumpy as a cat.

A message for you,
Batman, from my boss-lady.

"To Batman. Knowing
what sort of a sport you are...

I realize you will release Brown
to bring your answer back to me.

Here is my proposition.

I'm willing to give myself
up, but only to you, Batman.

Meet me at midnight
in the model house...

at the Sherlock Holmes Real Estate
Development in Suburban, Norchester.

I promise to come alone if you do
the same. Yours truly, Catwoman."

You can tell your mistress
that I will agree to her terms.

Right.

- It's a trick.
- She'll try and k*ll you.

A bargain is a bargain, Robin.

I must give her the benefit of a doubt.
She said that she'd be there alone.

But she's never told
the truth in the past.

Hope springs eternal.

It is midnight at the Sherlock
Holmes Real Estate Development.

Hello, Batman.

You're a rare lady,
Catwoman. You're right on time.

I'm rare in more ways than that.

I'm glad you decided to surrender.
We would have caught you eventually.

Do you think so?

Certainly. There's no escaping
the inexorable law of justice.

- Shall we go?
- Must we?

So soon?

I thought that,
well, you know...

perhaps we might get to
know each other a little better.

I would think that we know
each other well enough by now.

Don't run away,
Batman. I won't bite.

I'm not afraid of you,
Catwoman, I'm... I'm, uh...

You're very beautiful, Catwoman.

Yes. You're quite right. I am.

Your propinquity could
make a man forget himself.

I don't know what that
means but it sure sounds nice.

I refer to the nearness of you.

Batman...

let's throw caution
to the winds.

I mean, after all, we are
two adult human beings...

and, uh, we're both interested
in the same thing, happiness.

I can give you more happiness
than anyone in the world.

How do you propose to do that?

By being your partner in life.

I mean, it's me and you
against the world. Ooh.

What about Robin?

Well, I'll have him
k*lled. Painlessly.

Well, he is a bit of a bore with
his "holy-this" and "holy-that."

That does it, Catwoman.

I thought you had a modicum of decency
but I see that I erred in my judgment.

You're supposed
to fall on the floor.

You're attractive, Catwoman,
but not that attractive.

I put on a double dose of Eau
de Chat, that poisonous perfume.

You should have been
dead 30 seconds ago.

Aha. Aha!

So all of this lovey-dovey
business was just a trick.

Why aren't you writhing in pain?

I had a hunch that you'd try
some thing not quite kosher.

I've been wearing
Batplugs up my nose.

I've been breathing nothing but clean,
fresh air sans Eau de Chat perfume.

You cheated.

Ha! Put up your gloves, Batman.

- I'm gonna practice the art of cat-rate on you.
- Your mistake.

Cat-rate, as you call it...

correctly pronounced
"karate," is a defensive form.

Therefore, in order for
you to make a move...

I must move, and I won't.

Well, I have another
trick up my paw.

Penn, Brown, Cornell,
Freddy, get him!

So you didn't tell the truth.

Did you ever hear
of crook who did?

The odds are about
right. Four against one.

Four against two, Batman.

- Robin.
- I couldn't resist.

You were taken in by her, but
I'm too young for that sort of thing.

Out of the mouths of Boy
Wonders often times come gems.

- You keep an eye on them. I'll go after her.
- Right.

I can never find my keys
when really need them.

Going my way?

I wish I were, Batman.

But we're fated to travel
in different directions.

You on the straight and narrow
and me on the crooked and wide.

Catwoman, it would be so easy for
you to tread the path of righteousness.

I'm afraid not, Batman.

I need what every woman
needs. The love of a good man.

I'm sorry it had to end
this way, Catwoman.

Not half as sorry
as I am, Mr. Wayne.

Catwoman, you have destroyed my
faith in my modern penological practices.

Don't judge all criminals
by me, Warden Crichton.

There are a lot of cons that you
have rehabilitated by your methods.

I'm the exception, not the rule.

Catwoman's correct.

This is a model prison. Be
proud of your work, warden.

It's too bad we couldn't get to
be better friends, Mr. Wayne.

A good parole officer
should also be a friend.

I'd like to be your friend.

There's no room for another
man in my life, Mr. Wayne.

You're nice...

but my heart belongs to Batman.

Goodbye.