03x07 - Louie, the Lilac

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Another brisk
bright day blossoms in Gotham City.

But is day the only thing that's
blooming, or isn't blooming?

The park is ready, commissioner.
The police are ready.

All the flower children in Gotham
City are ready for their fancy flower-in.

But there are no flowers.

No flowers in Gotham
City, Chief O'Hara?

Somehow someone has
cornered the flower market.

Mainly the lilacs.

Oh, sure, there's gonna be trouble at
that flower-in with no flowers, begorra.

Plenty of trouble.

And all because
I, Louie, the Lilac...

the great Louie, the Lilac...

have cornered the flower market.

But what do you expect
to gain by that, Louie?

Some young people of
the flower generation...

will be the future leaders
of the country, Arbutus.

And when I have them within my
flower-power, and control their minds...

Gotham City will be my
garden to loot and plunder.

And later, the world.

To the Flowermobile.

Let's start with
Princess Primrose.

They all tune in on her.

NARRATOR: While at
the flowerless flower-in...

[PLAYING EXOTIC TUNE]

Some flower-in, Princess
Primrose, without any flowers.

I mean, it's freaky, man. Like,
how can we take a flower love trip?

Think flowers, Dogwood.
You know, just think flowers.

Barbara. Barbara Gordon.

Hello, Thelma.

It's not Thelma
any longer, Barbara.

I'm Princess Primrose.

I'm a flower child now, and
these are my flower friends.

We're having a
flower-in, you know.

It's cool, man, and
you'll blow your mind.

I think we'll call you Hyacinth.

I think you've
flipped a petal or two.

It's Louie, the Lilac,
in his Flower mobile.

Oh, I knew Louie, the Lilac
would come to our rescue.

There you are. Flowers.

Oh, I'm grooved, man.

LOUIE: Lilacs for my flower
children. There you are. Lilacs, lilacs.

Flowers. Lilacs for
my flower children.

Flowers. Lilacs.

There you are, all
of you. Lilacs, lilacs.

Ah, Princess Primrose.

Come, let's go back to my greenhouse
and plan our worldwide flower-in.

[HUMMING]

Away, Acacia.

Man, now, that
really gets me uptight.

I mean, Princess Primrose
splitting with Louie, the Lilac?

I mean, that's a bum trip.

Like, these plastic flowers
ain't where it's at, man.

I'm tuned out, you know?

But, Daddy, somehow he mesmerized
her and then drove off with her.

Barbara, the police have many
serious things to worry about.

Besides some Princess Primrose
being whisked away from a public park...

in a Flowermobile.

That's just it. She wasn't whisked
away, she was kidnapped. I'm sure of it.

And she's a friend of mine. I went to
college with her when she was Thelma Jones.

We're late for a meeting with
the city council, Barbara. Relax.

I can't relax.

I'm late too. I should've been
at the library an hour ago.

Barbara, a good
librarian is a calm librarian.

[PHONE BEEPS]

Of course, Ms.
Gordon. I'll call him.

It's, uh, Commissioner
Gordon's daughter, sir.

Barbara Gordon on the red phone?

This is Batman, Ms. Gordon.

I probably shouldn't have
used this phone, Batman.

I hope I'm not disturbing you.

Not at all. Robin and I were just
putting a flower decal on the Batmobile.

We're to be guests of honor
at a flower-in this afternoon.

That's what I wanted to talk
to you about, the flower-in.

NARRATOR: And in Louie,
the Lilac's isolated greenhouse...

which, in turn, houses
his humid hothouse...

I don't know what you did to
me, Louie, or why I'm here...

but how can I run a flower-in
from this greenhouse?

Flower-ins aren't of prime
importance to me, Primrose.

It's the flower children,
and you're their princess.

Sometimes I think I'm
too much of a ding-a-ling.

- So does Barbara Gordon.
- Barbara Gordon?

The police commissioner's daughter
who works at Gotham Library.

She was walking through the park this morning
when you arrived in your Flowermobile.

Police Commissioner Gordon?

[HUMMING]

All right, Primrose,
into the hothouse.

A good place to keep you out of
sight until your friends get my message.

Lock the door. When the stupefying aromatic
spray from my pocket lilac wears off...

she may try to get out. Acacia, you
keep your eye on her, you understand?

And see that the hothouse lets
off more steam than she does.

Arbutus, tail Barbara Gordon. Who
knows what she might have told her father?

Get going.

I'm going down to
police headquarters.

The Batmobile's usually
parked in an alley nearby.

This may be my big chance.

I don't dig this fade-out
of Princess Primrose.

And I don't dig Louie, the Lilac,
either. Or his plastic flowers.

I mean, flower people try to do
good, you know, and spread joy-pollen.

But all Louie does
is make a bad scene.

So let's us make a little rumble
down at fuzztown. Come on.

[ENGINE STARTS]

My daughter Barbara had no
right to call you with the red phone.

It precipitated the first real
argument we've ever had.

'Tis a sad thing to hear.

She was understandably
concerned about Princess Primrose.

And this Louie, the Lilac,
what do you know about him?

GORDON: Very little, Batman.

We'll check with the Batcomputer about the
present whereabouts of Louie, the Lilac.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

- Yes, Bonnie?
BONNIE: Commissioner...

there are a bunch of flower
children out here to see you.

Flower children?

All right, send them... Wait
a minute, Bonnie. Hold on.

We'll go out the window.
Otherwise, we'll be mobbed.

Mobbed? In police headquarters?

The flower children think we're
cool, man. We turn them on, you know.

Yes, please, be gentle with
your visitors, commissioner.

Although it may not be
understood by more literal minds...

in their own way, they're
doing what they can...

to correct the world's
woes with love and flowers.

All right, Bonnie.
I'll see them now.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Brace yourself for some
nutty nosegays, Chief O'Hara.

What's that?

It's a flowery little
advertising card, Robin.

"Lila's Lilac Shop.
11 Lavender Lane."

This bears investigation.
I strongly suspect...

that this lilac-colored
card could be a plant.

Lila? Louie.

- Lila?
- Yes, Louie.

You may be receiving a couple
of unusual customers, Lila.

Batman and Robin.

Batman and Robin?

If they've fallen
for my little ruse.

Do you still have some
alba vulgaria in stock?

Poison lilacs?

There may be some tired
ones around, Louie. Why?

I'm sure that the dynamic duo will be
overwhelmed by their fragrance anyway, Lila.

And I'll be there shortly to help you
dispose of the soon-to-be-creped crusaders.

Amazing.

Truly amazing.

Look at all these lilacs, Robin.

Good day, gentlemen.

Obviously you haven't been affected by
the current flower shortage in Gotham City.

I guess I'm just lucky.

Lucky, or being favored
for some special reason?

I'm afraid I don't
understand you, Batman.

But my display
is nice, isn't it?

And I have some other very rare lilacs in
the rear room, if you'd like to see them.

I'm always interested in
the unusual of any specie.

I'll bring them out.

What do you think?
A wild lilac chase?

I think she makes a
delightful distraction...

for whatever Louie, the
Lilac's ultimate scheme may be.

Oh, dear. How clumsy of me.

I'll get them.

Robin, look out. Those
could be poison alba vulgaria.

NARRATOR: While in
Barbara Gordon's apartment...

I may be imagining things, Charlie, but I think
some man followed me home from the library.

He came up the service
stairs when I took the elevator.

If he found the fire escape landing,
he might very well be out on my...

What are you doing
on this terrace?

Just admiring the view of
Gotham City, lady, that's all.

From my terrace?
Faced the wrong way?

The police will be
interested in this.

The police ain't gonna be
interested in nothing at all, lady.

NARRATOR: And while Barbara
faces her vexatious visitor...

what's happening in the
hothouse of Louie's greenhouse?

Man-eating lilacs?
Holy purple cannibals.

Exactly, Boy Blunder.

A rare specie just in from Brazil which I
crossed with even more carnivorous plants.

And gusty gourmands they are.

They got ahold of an explorer one day in the
jungle and left nothing but his shoelaces.

What happened to
Princess Primrose?

She's drying out in the
office. Flower children wilt fast.

She and her flower friends
will do more than just wilt...

before I'm through with them.

- Come on, let's get out of here.
- Oh, yes, Louie. It's so humid in here.

[LAUGHING]

Gosh, Batman, what a way
to go. Eaten alive by a lilac.

Well, Robin, at least
it's a flowery finish.

NARRATOR: With the dynamic
duo being devoured whole...

by a strange specie
of man-eating lilac...

what are we doing
here in the Batcave?

Maybe this call on the
red phone will tell us.

I'm sorry, sir. He's out.

- Out where?
- I don't know, sir.

When he and Master Robin left,
they were on their way to your office.

When they left, they were on
their way back to the Batcave...

to consult the Batcomputer about a
renowned criminal named Louie, the Lilac.

Louie, the Lilac?

If you hear from Batman,
have him contact me.

Of course, sir.

Barbara's phone is dead,
Batman is out. Nothing is going...

Now, commissioner,
watch your blood pressure.

To consult the Batcomputer...

about a renowned criminal
called Louie, the Lilac.

[CLICKING TONGUE]

And he hasn't been
heard from since.

[DINGS]

"Lila's Lilac Shop.
11 Lavender Lane."

At least they're gentle about
it. I haven't felt one bite me yet.

Man-eating lilacs
have no teeth, Robin.

It's a process of ingestion
through their tendrils.

Batman, we've gotta
get out of this somehow.

Can't you get to your
utility belt and signal Alfred?

No, they've already
consumed my utility belt, Robin.

And my hands are entwined
by these vicious vines.

Holy Luther Burbank.

How are they doing, Louie?

Ooh! I can't look.

A lilac's digestive processes
are much slower than a human.

It takes a little time.

You monster.

Monster?

What would your flower children think
of such language from their princess?

I'm sure that when you speak to them shortly,
you'll talk of me in much more endearing terms.

[HUMMING]

Let's really put my
flower-power to work in the park.

To the flower-in.

NARRATOR: Whilst in
Barbara's apartment...

Lady, it don't take no 10 minutes to
powder your nose in a locked bedroom.

- Who are you? What do you want?
- From one interloper to another...

- perhaps you might answer those questions.
- I ain't interloping.

A lady friend of mine just
locked herself in her bedroom.

If she locked herself in the bedroom,
there must have been a reason.

Well, that's her reason
and mine, not yours.

- You, uh, got some connection with Batman?
- Speaking of connections...

- what happened to that phone?
- She was gonna call the cops...

So you ripped out the phone and she locked
herself in her bedroom? Why were you here?

Now, wait a minute, wait.

Everything's gonna be all right. I'm leaving.
I'm leaving now. I'm getting out of here.

The cops and her father,
Commissioner Gordon.

Strange, that looked like
Batgirl out on the terrace.

Batgirl?

Batgirl?

Oh, Barbara, I've been
so worried about you.

What was Batgirl doing here?

Batgirl? I believe you saw the intruder
who followed me home from the library.

I tried to call you at the office,
but he ripped out the phone.

Put men around this building
and have that phone repaired.

When you wanted
to be on your own...

when you insisted on taking an apartment, I
was afraid something like this would happen.

Oh, Daddy, nothing's happened.

I locked myself in the bedroom
and I'm perfectly all right. Really.

- I think you should move back home.
- Is that what you were trying to call me about?

No, I... I thought you might
have dinner with me tonight.

But when the line was dead...

Oh, Daddy, I'm sorry. And I'd
love to have dinner with you tonight.

First I have to go back to the
library for a while this afternoon.

I'd only come home for lunch
and discovered the intruder.

Well, he won't intrude on you
again, I can tell you that for sure.

I hope you're
right, Chief O'Hara.

[GORDON CHUCKLES]

Thank you for being worried about me.
I'll call you when I get home from work.

Good girl. Bye.

There's a lot of traffic
on that balcony today.

I went through your service hall,
and then came along the outside ledge.

I couldn't risk being caught. After all, we're
the only ones who know our little secret.

The rumor's around that something's
happened to Batman and Robin.

Mr. Wayne
looked into it a bit...

but I have reason to believe...

that they were last seen in
a florist's on Lavender Lane.

Though the Batmobile has been
located outside an isolated greenhouse.

I can't tell all you flower children what a
fine and generous man Louie, the Lilac, is...

and how he's cornered the flower
market to make this flower-in a success.

And what hopes and dreams he
has for us and the future of the world.

And what hopes and
dreams he has for us and the...

NARRATOR: What's this? Apparently Louie's
stupefying aromatic spray has worn off.

PRIMROSE: And...

You've tripped out, Primrose.
Groovy, but in the wrong groove.

You're right, man.

He's tuned out.

Grifty.

And now he's putting a period on Batman
and Robin in his poisonous purple pad.

Batman and Robin?

Wow, man, he ought to
be called Louie, the Louse.

Get us out of here,
Acacia. Get us out quick!

After him!

MAN 1: Let's go!
MAN 2: Let's get him!

NARRATOR: And shortly,
back with the semi-digested duo.

One of these monsters is
nibbling at my ear, Batman.

I said, one of these
monsters is nibbling at my ear.

I heard you, Robin.

I've managed to loosen one foot.

There's a flower pot next to it.

If I can just kick it
through that glass.

Well, we finally got rid of
those flower creeps for now.

But' I'll get my
flower-power to work yet.

I wonder how the Brazilian man-eaters
are doing with the dynamic duo.

Aah! They're not
even chewed up a little.

Nor will we be. A
word of advice, Louie.

One blast of cool air kills
these blooming cannibals...

far quicker than they can
devour any human repast.

Gosh, yes.

Get Azalea, Petunia.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Not you again.

- How did you get mixed up in this?
- Maybe some other time and place...

we can have a question-and-answer
session, Batman, but not here.

Louie, she's got a spray
can of powdery mildew.

Don't use it. Don't
use that spray.

Anything it touches
molds and decays.

They're getting away, Batman.

Don't worry, Robin.
Go out to the Batmobile.

Alert Commissioner
Gordon, he'll round them up.

He's mildewed.

He's wilting.

Maybe mildewed and wilting and
molding and decaying on the outside, Lila.

But inside I'm still
Louie, the Lilac.

And somehow, some day, I'm going
to control the flower market of the world.

And with it, the entire
flower generation.

Batman, there's about a
thousand flower children outside.

They found your Flowermobile,
and they're after your budding scalp.

Louie, it looks like
it's lilac time for you.

Never.

Never! Never!

Batman, he's thrown himself
into the man-eating lilacs.

Don't worry, Robin. That cold
blast of air put those lilacs in a torpor.

Go back outside and
calm the flower children.

- They'll mob me.
- Groovy.

And I think your car's arriving. Batgirl,
would you take this young lady...?

She's gone, Batman. She
knew when to get out of here.

Smart dame. Who is she?

I don't know.

I never have,
perhaps I never will.

But I wish I did.

I calmed down the flower
children and they've gone, Batman.

And the police have taken Lila away.
I said we'd bring in Louie, the Lilac.

[HORSES GALLOPING
& MEN SHOUTING]

Holy hoofbeats.

Exactly, Robin.

And if I'm not mistaken, a band of
Bessarovian Cossacks just rode by.

Olga, wait for me. Olga.

Oh, come on. Excuse me.

Darling, hurry up.
We don't have all day.

- Oh, Olga.
- Come on.

Olga, wait for me. Wait.

Egghead. What do you suppose
he's doing back in Gotham City?

And that woman. She looked
like a real Tartan princess.

I predict that Batman and Robin will soon
be getting a call on the red telephone.

But first let's rescue Louie, the
Lilac, from those clinging vines.

NARRATOR: Be sure to
watch the next episode...

for what Egghead and a
Tartar princess named Olga...

have in store for the
Caped Crusaders.