03x10 - Surf's Up! Joker's Under!

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Surf's up at Gotham Point,
and all the local surfers are shaping up...

for the forthcoming world
surfing championships.

Here's Skip Parker, local surfing idol
and the hottest wave jockey around...

riding out the soup...

to join his current beach
bunny, Barbara Gordon.

You really sh*t that curl, Skip.

Oh, I was just lucky.

Those combers are
really hairy out there.

Whoo.

NARRATOR: But a fast surf isn't the only thing
at Gotham Point that's hairy this morning.

Not with this jesting jackstraw,
the Joker, on the scene.

- Undine. NARRATOR:
While in the Hang Five...

a surfers' hangout run by one-time
surfing great, Hot Dog Harrigan...

JOKER: Undine.
- Coast is clear, Joker.

Hot Dog's working
on a surfboard.

What are you doing to
that surfboard, Hot Dog?

Fixing a ding in it.
There's a little cavity.

It's like being a fiberglass
dentist. First you...

[LAUGHING]

Beautiful. Toss him into a trash can,
and make sure the lid is closed tight.

[LAUGHING]

And, Undine, tell that hot
young surfer, Skip Parker...

he has a hot phone
call at the Hang Five.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, yeah, you know...

Skip, there's phone
for you in the Hang Five.

Your adoring public
won't leave you alone.

Thanks.

Who was that?

Some chick who's been
hanging around the beach.

I think her name's Undine.

See you later.

Hello? Hello?

[LAUGHING]

Take him out to the Jokermobile.

Yes, we'll run him into the
Ten Toes Surfboard Shop...

and get all his surfing
secrets out of him.

Then after I've gotten rid of
Batman and Robin for good...

I will rule the waves.

Me, the Joker, king of
the surf and all the surfers.

Then Gotham City.

Later, the world!

Skip Parker?
h*jacked? By the Joker?

From my daughter's description, Batman,
I suspect that Clown Prince of Crime...

is up to some brazen
new buffoonery.

Don't forget Hot Dog Harrigan.

Hot Dog vanished too?

We'll rendezvous at the Hang
Five at once, commissioner.

Robin and I will take the
Batcopter to save time.

- Alfred, alert the Batcopter port.
- At once, sir.

- To the Batcave.
- Cowabunga.

NARRATOR: And so the forces of law
and order converge on Gotham Point by air.

ROBIN: If we land on the beach,
Batman, we might hurt someone.

BATMAN: And cause
undue attention, old chum.

We'll set down in Pelican Cove,
just north of Gotham Point...

and walk down the beach
just like ordinary people.

NARRATOR: While forces of law and
order converge on Gotham Point by seashore.

Well, these disguises are a
good idea, commissioner...

- but this surfboard's getting heavy.
- All in the line of duty, Duke.

Duke?

Well, most true surfers are known
as Duke, Skip, Rabbit, or Buzzy.

Ha, ha. All right, Buzzy.

[BAND PLAYING POP MUSIC]

You know, I've heard of long-haired
musicians, but never green-haired ones.

[SINGING] Just a little bit
harder I know I should have tried

Just a little bit harder I
know I should have tried

Just a little bit harder
I think I'm gonna cry

Just a little bit harder

I dream of Jeannie
with the light brown hair

Can't find her nowhere

Can't find her nowhere

[ALL SINGING]

Maybe they've got some
connection with the Joker.

That's a good bet, Duke.

[BANGING]

Uh, Buzzy, I think this trash
can's trying to tell us something.

Nonsense, Duke.

It's an echo of the surf.

NARRATOR: And
shortly in the Hang Five...

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Dig the gremmies.

Gremmies?

No compliment.

Beach bums. We should
have worn our baggies.

May we join you?

Drop anchor. I'm
Buzzy, this is Duke.

Batman and Robin just came in.

- What else is new? GORDON:
Barbara had to go back to the library.

But she told me to keep an
eye on the girl behind the counter.

You mean the one
talking to her hot dog?

They are sitting with a couple
of antique beachcombers...

who were asking some
questions about Hot Dog Harrigan.

Oh, thanks, Undine.
But forget Hot Dog.

The Hooded Hodads are sure to
find me, and I'll be ready for them.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, what is this? What
are you doing to me?

Oh, a simple experiment, my
boy. Through my latest invention...

the Surfing Experience
and Ability Transferometer...

all your surfing know-how
will be drained out of you...

and transferred to me.

[LAUGHING]

Hook me up, Riptide. Hook me up.

And don't forget to switch
on the Vigor Reverser.

So that all his youthful energy will
be pumped into my blood and bones.

BATMAN: What's this?
From the Batcomputer?

A picture of two naked feet?

Yes, I thought these new illustrated
Batslides might prove a bit of a novelty, sir.

Two bare feet.

Holy ten toes.

Ten toes.

A cryptic comment, Robin.

The Ten Toes Surfboard Shop
has been closed for some time.

The most appropriate hideout
for Joker and a hostage.

Four hostages...

These Batslides are
more than a novelty, Alfred.

I've learned more in the past
minute from these two naked feet...

than we learned at
Gotham Point in one hour.

Although we left Buzzy and
Duke out there to follow up.

- Buzzy and Duke, sir?
- Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara.

[LAUGHING]

Everything you ever knew or
heard about surfing down cold.

Plus your strength,
speed and stamina...

all transferred to me. Ha-ha-ha!

You know what this means, boys?

The Surfing Championship of Gotham
Point in the palm of my pig board.

Oh, the prizes, the honor.

The envy, respect and
adulation of all the local surfers.

Where I go, they will follow.

What I want, they will provide.

And what I want is Gotham
City to plunder and to pillage.

And that is what
they will provide.

[LAUGHING]

Sounds good, Joker, but what
will we do with this wiped out kid?

Toss him in the bin of that
work bench and file him away.

Funny thing, isn't it?

That I know more than
you've forgotten. Ha-ha-ha!

Put him in there,
boys. Put him in there.

[LAUGHING]

Joker, Joker. Do you remember those
two antique beachcombers I told you about?

- Yeah.
- Well, I think they're fuzz.

And I didn't dare call you again on
my hot dog so I came here instead.

And I just saw
Batman and Robin...

parking their Batmobile
in an alley behind this joint.

Oh, exquisite. Their tricks for tracking
me down have always been clever.

But this time I
will outsmart them.

They will no doubt come
through that window. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, you have the poisonous
sea urchin spines, boys?

RIPTIDE: Right here,
boss. JOKER: Good.

Grab a handful, both of you.

It won't hurt to needle the
Hooded Has-beens a bit.

- Ready?
- Never ready.

Holy pin cushions.

Obviously spines from a sea animal
of the echinoderm family, Robin.

Quite painful.
Potentially lethal.

But the poison can
be counteracted...

if we immediately soak our
bodies in hot water and Epsom salts.

Oh! Too bad, Batman.

But we've just ran out of hot
water and Epsom salts. Ha-ha-ha.

Then I think we've
almost run out of time.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

- What deviltry are you up to now, Joker?
- Oh, a simple exercise, Batman.

In which the two of you will be
processed into pre-shaped blanks...

then fiberglassed,
laminated with coats of resin...

given a high-gloss polish...

and finally a paraffin
rubdown on your top decks.

[LAUGHING]

Come, Undine. To Gotham Point
and the world surfing championships...

while Riptide and
Wipeout do their work.

[LAUGHING]

Holy human surfboards.

NARRATOR: Are Batman and Robin
being processed into human surfboards?

They'll look better with a coat of
catalyzed resin. Come on, let's get started.

Hey, Batman's foam
blank's starting to smoke.

Robin's too.

It's not only
starting to smoke...

it's starting to explode.

- Holy detonation.
- Exactly, Robin.

Catalyzed resin is a
highly combustible mixture.

All I had to do is activate this portable
ultraviolet Bat-Ray from my Utility Belt...

to set off the expl*si*n that released
us from our foam blank coffins.

Let's hit the beach.

- Aren't we going after them?
- There's no hurry, Robin.

They probably stashed Skip
Parker around here someplace.

Look, the sea urchin
spines are gone.

Yes, they were no doubt
dissolved in that foam...

- along with their lethal poison.
- And look again.

Sandy footprints leading
to that work bench.

Yes, let's follow them.

[SKIP GROANS]

- Skip Parker?
- Yeah.

I'm Batman, this is
Robin. Are you all right?

A little weak. Some joker drained
everything I know about surfing...

and all my ability out of me.

With a gizmo called a Surfing
Experience and Ability Transferometer.

Plus a Vigor Reverser.

The inhuman leech. Let's take him
out to Gotham Point and refill him.

Gotham Point? Yeah,
that's where he bagged me.

But I'd like to find
Barbara Gordon first.

You go ahead.

Robin, hop a cab or take the
subway to stately Wayne Manor.

Take d*ck Grayson's car
and head for the beach.

Batman, in his showdown
with Joker, will need the help...

of Bruce Wayne's youthful ward.

Plus his surfboard.

NARRATOR: And so the
showdown approaches...

as Batman and d*ck Grayson
rendezvous at Gotham Point.

Leave your board outside
the Hang Five and follow me.

But play it cool.

Ah, yes, the surf at Barracuda Bay
has k*lled many a braver man than I.

Why, even the
ripples peak at 50 feet.

I remember once when
I was sh**ting the curl...

just as this hot comber was
breaking, I cut into the tunnel...

grabbed the rail and
rode into a sideslip.

Ha-ha-ha! Aah!

Who let him out?

Batman. That's what
I've been trying to tell you.

- Batman? BATMAN:
That's right, Joker.

I'm challenging you to the surfing title of
the Gotham Point World Championships.

It's too late, Batman.
The entries are closed.

- Correction, sir.
- Correction?

You dare correct me?
You immature mollusk.

I'm millionaire Bruce Wayne's
youthful ward, d*ck Grayson.

Mr. Wayne's president of the
Gotham Point Surfing Association...

and in this case I
can speak for him.

So many of the competitors have dropped
out, in awe of your highly touted talents.

There'd be no surfing
contest without Batman.

Good, let's not have one.
Just declare me the winner.

Sorry, Joker, it
isn't that simple.

I'm entering Batman in
the surfing championships.

Shall we go into the men's locker
room and put on our baggies?

Excuse me, citizens.

What do you
suppose is up, Buzzy?

The surf, Duke.

There'll only be one heat
for the two contestants.

And you'll be judged by the size
of your wave, how long you ride it...

and your style
and sportsmanship.

- Sportsmanship?
- And our fellow surfers will be the judges.

Go for you surfboard.

Mine's outside.

But you have nothing
to worry about, Joker.

Who's worried? Not me.

I've ridden the K*llers
at Barracuda Bay.

SKIP: No, Joker.

I've ridden them.

Oh!

[LAUGHING]

Skip, I've been looking all over
for you. Let's go watch the action.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

Well, into the soup?

Why not? It's a
shore-break surf.

Not too long a
paddle to the peak.

[LAUGHING]

Here comes the wave of the day.
They ought to be able to take off on it.

They have.

[BANGING]

Something sure seems to be
pounding in that trash can, Buzzy.

Joker's good. What a kick-turn.

But watch Batman trimming.

Joker's shuffling, Now he's
cutting back to meet the curl.

He caught it. He's
riding the hook.

Batman can't b*at Joker.

But watch him cross the swash.

Look, there. A shark!

What's that in his hand?

The shark's gone.

And Joker's starting
an island pull-out.

Joker's ride's almost
over. He's winning.

Batman's doing a nose pull-out.

I just hope it isn't too late.

That shark might have wiped him
out on points. I'll check with the judges.

Cowabunga! Cowabunga! Ha-ha-ha!

I won! Ha-ha-ha! I won!

Yes, Batman came in second!

[LAUGHING]

The order of finishing
isn't what counts, Joker.

Why not? Why not?

Losers don't come in first.

I've tallied all the judges'
points. You got one.

For being the
more colorful surfer.

Batman got all the rest...

including 50 for avoiding a
dangerous hazard. A shark.

Oh! Big deal.

A simple deal. Thanks to the shark
repellant Batspray in my Utility Belt.

Well, what about my
tricks and my technique?

You mean tricks
and my technique.

All transferred to you by that nutty Surfing
Experience and Ability Transferometer.

[BANGING]

Say, something is
pounding in this trashcan.

Hot Dog Harrigan?

[LAUGHING]

It was just a little joke.

- Some joke. Kidnapping me.
- And dumping me in a trash can.

Let's get out of here! Quick!

- We can't let them get away.
- I'll head them off...

before they reach the Jokermobile.
See if you can find Robin, the Boy Wonder.

Ah! The Hang Five.
We'll lock them out.

[GRUNTS]

Come here, boys!

[ALL GRUNTING]

- You're wiped out, Joker.
- Yeah.

You've hung your last ten toes and Batman's
the new king of the surf at Gotham Point.

He's all yours, gentlemen.

Gentlemen? These two hodads?

Commissioner Gordon and
Chief O'Hara to you, Joker.

Cowabunga. Begorra.

Oh, no. Batgirl's
not gone again?

I just passed her in
the ladies' locker room.

- Are you all right, Skip?
- I will be...

as soon as they hook me and the Joker
up to that Reverserometer and reverse it.

- Cowabunga.
- Begorra.

All's well that ends well.

Skip Parker's as good as new.

And that Transferometer gizmo only succeeded
in transferring Joker back behind bars again.

So I think these two
crime-fighters better call it a day.

Let's call it a week, Batman.

- And really get some sleep.
- Agreed, old chum.

So if you have no further
use for us, commissioner...

Not at the moment,
thank heavens.

Now run along. Get a well
needed and much deserved rest.

NARRATOR: But just how much
rest do the Dynamic Duo have coming?

For what startling new crime
wave has already begun...

across the sea from Gotham City?

Who are these two
new conspirators?

Batman and Robin
haven't the foggiest notion...

but they'll travel
3000 miles to tangle...

with these treacherous
twigs of aristocracy...

and wind up on the
maddest manhunt of all time...

in that great metropolis of
the old world, Londinium.

Don't become fogbound.
Watch the next episode.

Cheerio.