03x21 - Lucy and the Countess Lose Weight

[bunniefuu]

Lucy, I have just
got to get a job.

A job? But you're a countess!

Well, even a countess
has to have money.

Well, I have never
thought it was right

for nobility to work.

Honey, there's an
old French proverb:

"When you're
behind the eight ball,

you'll stoop to anything
to get a meatball."

Oh, Rosie.

Well, I guess it's my
turn to do the dishes.

But knowing how strongly
you feel about nobility working...

I don't feel that
strongly about it.

Oh, fine, silly.

♪ Oh... ♪

Well, Mr. Mooney,
what a surprise.

Are we alone?

Yes.

Good.

Why, Mr. Mooney,
you are a married man.

That is not the reason I
wanted to see you alone.

Uh...

Oh, you were joking.

Ah...

Oh, I've always said you had
a delightful sense of humor.

I've never heard
you say that before.

Are you feeling all right?

Well, of course
I'm feeling all right.

Oh, uh, Mrs. Carmichael, do
you remember coming to the bank

yesterday morning and
asking me for a $50 loan?

How could I ever forget?

You screamed and turned purple.

Well, tonight color
me a lovable pink.

Here's your $50.

Oh, Mr. Mooney,
thank you so much!

Oh, this is just wonderful!

- Oh, it's nothing.
- But it is!

You don't know, you don't
know what a help this is gonna be.

Mr. Mooney, if I can
ever do you a favor...

Oh, you can.

Boy, you collect fast.

Mr. Mooney, this was all a plot.

You gave me this advance

because you want
me to do a favor.

All right, all right, all
right, Mrs. Carmichael.

But I'm desperate.

- Desperate?
- Yes, yes.

In all my years as a banker,
I have never made a mistake.

- Never?
- Never.

Until recently.

I made a bad loan to the
Lazy Days Health Farm.

Now they're going broke,

and they're, uh,
they're about to renege.

And what's more, next month,
the bank directors are meeting,

and they'll find out about it.

What'll they do to you?

Well, they'll do more than
make me stand in a corner.

Now, Mrs. Carmichael...

- What?
- You can help me.

Me? How?

Well, uh, please, sit down.

Now, look, I have
analyzed the problem,

and what the health
farm needs is publicity,

something to attract customers.

Now, I thought if some
well-known personality,

some socially
prominent, beautiful lady

signed up for the health
course, that would do the trick.

Well, I would be delighted
to take the course!

I wasn't referring to you.

Oh.

No, I was referring to
the Countess Framboise.

Oh.

Yeah. Well, of
course, I couldn't offer

the countess a crass
commercial proposition.

Knowing that she's nobility,

money is the farthest
thing from her mind.

Yeah. And it's getting
farther and farther.

But, Mrs.
Carmichael, as a favor,

could you talk her into this?

Well...

I, um, I'll do the best I
can, but you understand,

this must be handled in
a very genteel manner.

After all, we are
dealing with a countess.

Oh, of course.

Hey, Lucy, how do you
work the garbage disposal?

I...

Oh, Mr. Money.

Uh, th-that's M-Mooney.

Oh, Mooney!

Oh, yes.

Encore.

Oh. The encore is all mine.

- Oh.
- Oh, how galant.

Uh, Countess, Countess,
Mr. Mooney would-would like

- to ask a favor of you.
- Oh?

You see, he made a
loan to a health farm

that isn't doing so
well, and he thought

that if you went
there for a course,

it would give them a
lot of good publicity.

You mean, use my
name as an endorsement?

Oh, now, oh, now,
please, Countess,

don't get the wrong idea.

There would be no
commercial stigma attached.

No, no, y-you
would just be doing

some poor soul a good deed.

- Oh.
- It would be sort of

- a benevolent gesture on your part.
- Mm-hmm.

And for doing it, you
ought to get a bundle of loot.

Mrs. Carmichael!

Please, don't be vulgar.

Uh, dear Countess,
I wouldn't think

of insulting you by
offering you money.

Oh, you wouldn't?

- No.
- Oh.

Well, perhaps you could
show your appreciation

by making a donation
to my favorite charity.

Oh, splendid, splendid!

Yes, let's say a hundred
dollars to your favorite charity.

Well, that keeps it all
on an elevated plane.

Yes, well, let's
elevate it a little more.

Two hundred dollars?

Uh, oh, of course.

Yes, uh, $200.

There'll be a check made
out to your favorite charity.

Oh, w-well, could you
make it out to me personally?

You see, my charity just
changes from week to week.

Oh, and, uh, and, Mr. Mooney,

I think that it
would be very nice

if Mrs. Carmichael joined
me at the health farm.

Oh?

Oh, oh, you mean as
sort of a lady-in-waiting.

Yes.

And the lady-in-waiting
is waiting.

Waiting for what?

My loot.

Now, Mrs. Carmichael!

- I didn't say...
- Mr. Mooney,

I don't see how I can
possibly go to the health farm

unless Mrs.
Carmichael gets her...

What a great word... loot.

Very well, $200 apiece.

Anything to save
the health farm.

Uh, but in exchange, ladies,
you must obey all the rules

and set a good example.

Oh, don't you worry
about a thing, Mr. Mooney,

uh, as long as we get our loot.

Yes. When would you
want us to be there?

Oh, tomorrow morning,
bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Tomorrow?

- Yeah. Yes.
- Tomorrow morning?

Well, we'll see you when
we get back, Mr. Mooney.

Oh, you'll see me
sooner than that.

What do you mean?

Well, as an economy major,
I have taken over the job

of physical instructor
at the health farm.

- You?
- You?

What do you know about
being a physical instructor?

Well, I assure you,
I'm very well qualified.

At college, I was
an all-around athlete.

I had a fine build,
bulging muscles.

Of course, that's
all behind me now.

Yeah, well, uh, we'll see you
tomorrow morning, Mr. Mooney.

Countess.

Oh.

Hmm?

$200 apiece! How about that!

Three, four,

heh, ho, all right,

now, let's go...

And leap, to your feet,

here, now...

Double time!

And why aren't
we with the group?

Well, we thought we'd join
you the next time around.

You two ladies are
supposed to set an example!

And let me remind you
about the $200 donation

to your favorite charity!

Oh, come on.

Mr. Mooney, do you expect us

to do these strenuous
exercises with no food or water?

Countess, I think you're getting
all the food that you require.

300 calories a day?

They're doing all right
on 300 calories a day.

Well, they came equipped
with a reserve supply!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

All right, girls, line up!

Straight line, now. Come along.

Hurry up, hurry up!

A little pep, a little ginger!

Let's go! Now, then...
Good. Get in line, get in line.

Are you in the right
place? Are you in the... Yes.

All right, now, this is
our swivel-hip exercises.

You know how it goes.

Up, down, left,
right. You know that.

All right, now, girls.

And...

up, down,

left, right.

Up, down,

left, right.

Do it, faster,

stretch your muscles,

shakes the flab

right off your bustles.

Up, down,

left, right...

All right, all right.

Hold it, hold... it.

Mrs. Carmichael, what
seems to be your problem?

Well, I was doing all right
on my one-sies and two-sies,

but I keep bruising
my three-sies.

All right, all right, now,
let's get to something else.

Uh, and you two go
over on the pulleys.

Uh, you two on the mat.

And, uh, you two...

Oh, I beg your pardon, madam.

Over here.

And you two... row!

Boy, oh, boy...

This is the worst.

I hate this darned thing
worse than anything.

I think it's the hardest
machine in here.

- The Spanish Inquisition.
- Yeah.

That's what it is.

"Set a good example."

Yeah, "set a good example."

I'm too tired.

And why aren't we rowing?

I'm floating downstream.

And you...

Are you waiting for
the light to change?

Well, I started to get seasick.

Oh!

All right, girls,
come, come, come!

Gather round.
Quickly, quickly, now.

"Gather round, gather
round, gather round!"

That's all he knows...
"gather round,

gather round, gather round!"

Come on, come on.
Countess, will you please...

- Come and get me up.
- Countess, please,

come and get into
line where you belong.

All right, now, girls, come on.

You got your towels?
Are you in line?

- Oh, the towels...
- Now, we're going out

into the fresh air and
climb the mountains!

Isn't that lovely?

That should be very interesting,

watching these mountains
climb another mountain.

All right, now, then,

in place,

double time.

- A-lift, two, three,
four, - Double time.

- Lift, two, three, four...
- Yes.

Forward...

march!

Hup, two, three, four...

I am not going out there.

We are not going anywhere.

We are overworked and underfed!

We certainly are.

- It's not fair.
- No, it's not fair.

You know something?

We have just got to think of
some way to get some food.

The stuff they
serve around here!

Yeah, instant nothing.

We need real food,
like meat and potatoes

- Oh!
- And pie a la mode, just-just

- Oh, please, come on.
- Covered with whipped cream,

- Oh, I can't stand it.
- And ice cream.

- Please, please!
- Countess!

- Mrs. Carmichael, we're waiting!
- Well, there he is, there he is.

The Simon Legree of
the concentration camp.

Yeah.

- Come on.
- Oh, come on.

- Uh, hey, wait a minute.
- Might as well.

- I got an idea.
- What?

You know, maybe if we
made it look like an emergency,

you know, like we were really
cracking up from starvation,

maybe they'd give
us some solid food.

Yeah, maybe they would.

Ladies, where are you?

- Here he comes.
- Yeah.

Now, remember, we're
dying of starvation.

- Let's put on an act.
- Well, I don't know about you,

but I won't be
putting on an act.

Ladies...

- Food!
- Food!

- We've gotta have food!
- Food!

- Food. Just, just a little...
- A piece of bread!

A morsel, a little crumb!

Can I have some fish?

A sardine, anything.

Just a little water. Food!

A cr*cker.

I am not moved.

You cannot fool me with
this ridiculous phony act.

Now, you cannot be
as hungry as all that.

Lucy, should we show him
how hungry we really are?

Yeah.

Yeah!

Oh! Oh!

What's so funny?

Oh, boy, I haven't seen
so much beef in action

since I saw the last
buffalo stampede.

Giddy up...

Well, how are we doing?

Oh, how are we...? Yes. Oh, you.

That's fine.

ROSIE and LUCY:
"That's fine, that's fine,

that's fine, that's fine."

Everybody... Oh, you're
doing all right, too?

That's fine.

Oh! Ten minutes are up!

Turn off your machines!

Turn off your machines, girls,

and gather round,
please, gather round.

Now, ladies, we are
going to have fun.

Oh, goodie! -Boy, I'll say!

There's nothing for toning up

the muscles, I always say,

nothing like a good,
old-fashioned tug-of-w*r.

Isn't that wonderful?

Now, then, you go over
there, you be one team;

you come over here,
you'll be the other team.

There we are. Get
over there, now.

Hurry up, girls. Come
along, move along.

That's right, you want
to take that? Now...

All right, gather round.

Here we go, here we go.

All right, now,
grab the rope there.

That's right. Now, then,
remember to put a strain on it.

Are you... Let's get over
here a little bit more, though.

Oh, my heaven.

All right, now.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, we're ready.

Tug!

Now, just a minute!

- This isn't fair!
- No, this isn't fair.

We'll trade one of
ours for two of yours.

Yeah, this one.

Get over here.

We're in shape!

All right, now are we ready?

- Yes, we're ready.
- Yeah, we're ready.

Oh, good, good.

All right, now...

tug!

That's it! Put a
lot of muscle in it!

Lean on 'em! That's right!

Lean hard! That's right!

Dig your feet in! Oh,
you feel those muscles

tingle all around your back!

That's it! All right!
Dig in there, girls!

Dig in! That's it!

Oh, oh, she's winning.

Pull hard, pull hard.

That's it! Oh, good, good, good!

Oh, that's fine!

Ah, you're doing very well!

You feel it all in
the back there?

Oh, that's so nice.

All right! That's it!

Don't let it go
flying! There we are!

Go! Go, go, go!

Pull the other way!

Jenie, they're b*ating you!

They're b*ating you,
Jenie! Get the other way!

Pull hard, Jenie!

Pull! Pull! That's fine!

There we are! That's good!

Hold that... hold th... hold...

Well!

That is not cricket!

- Oh, now, Mr. Mooney, we...
- Mr. Mooney, that's so much...

You better watch
out, Mr. Mooney.

Oh, no, you better watch out.

No, you better watch out.

You better...

They just don't build
walls like they used to.

Halt!

There we go.

All right, girls, lunch break.

All right, line up,

line up, line up, right here.

You're not in that
line. Go on back.

Here you are. There's
your lovely lunch.

A lovely lunch for you, too.

Oh, isn't that delicious?

Just makes me
drool to look at it.

There you are!

And there... Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!

Oh! Your lunch, Countess.

And yours.

Whew!

Same old gourmet specials.

One lettuce leaf,
a curl of carrot,

a sprig of parsley,
and a yogurt wafer.

Sort of a no-care package.

Let's get going
and stuff ourselves.

Oh, let's do it.

I could eat anything, anyway.

- Oh, boy.
- Sometimes I wish I were back

with my dear, departed husband.

How we ever let ourselves
in for this, I don't know.

I'm just...

so weak, I don't know...

whether I have the
strength to eat this. I...

Ah...

- Back! Back! Back! Back!
- You've got a whole turkey!

You've got a whole
big turkey there!

- Down! Down! Back! Back! Back!
- You have food! Food!

Oh, I better get out of here.

If you saw what I
had for dessert...

Delicious deep-dish
strawberry shortcake,

smothered in whipped cream...
Oh, you'd really go berserk.

Now, you stay back.

- Yah! Yah!
- Give me some of that!

Just give us a little bite.

Just a tiny little bite.

Oh, Lucy, I just
don't know what...

Lucy, I...

Lucy?

Lucy?

- Ladyfinger!
- Oh, no!

- Oh, calm down!
- I got to have food!

- Now, you got to have...
- I got to have food!

- Just a minute! Just a minute!
- I got to have food!

Last night, I sneaked
over to the farm next-door,

and I found something.

What'd you get? What'd you find?

- Well, never mind.
- What'd you get?

You got something to eat?

- Yes, I've got...
- What have you got?

Shh, shh. I stashed it.

- I stashed it right here.
- What is it?

A fresh egg.

- Oh!
- I've been saving it for an emergency.

Well, this is it. Sit
on it and hatch it.

That is insulting.

Now, we will eat it raw.

Raw?

Yes, raw eggs
are very nourishing.

Now, how can I divide this?

- Well, here, I'll show you.
- No, oh, no, no.

- I'll...

- I don't like you.
- I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, Rosie.
- I don't like you one bit.

- I'll make it up to you.

Did you hear what I heard?

The most beautiful
sound in the world.

Oh... oh... oh...

Oh, hello, bossy!

A bossy cow!

Come on, baby.

- Come on, bossy.
- Come on, baby.

- Come on, bossy.
- Oh, isn't she beautiful?

- Hello, bossy!
- Hello, bossy!

Yeah. Yeah, but
we can't eat her raw.

No. Maybe we can get some...

Do you know how to
get some milk out of her?

Well, I...

Well, there's a lot
of faucets down here.

Y-You got to have a stool.

Get the stool back there.

- What stool?
- Right there. He had it.

Get the stool. Put it...

How we gonna
get her to sit on it?

You're supposed
to sit on it, silly!

- Me?
- Now, there's a bucket.

There's a bucket
over in the barn there.

- Go get the bucket. Yeah.
- Oh.

- Come on.
- Okay.

Go ahead, honey.

She doesn't do
it all by herself!

Oh, well, what shall I do?

Well, just grab on and make
believe you're climbing a rope.

Maybe we could get
her to do the twist.

I'd love a milk shake.

Push on, push on!

I-I think the word is "pull."

All right, pull.

Well, now what's the matter?

Well, I-I'm not... She
looks like a friendly cow,

but I-I wouldn't want
her to get mad at me.

Well, she won't get mad at you.

- Well, she might kick me.
- Oh, she will not.

- Oh, listen.
- What?

I read somewhere

where they play
music in those barns

- to keep the cows happy.
- Oh?

Yes, so why don't I sing
to her, and you milk her.

Oh, you think you know
something she might like?

Yeah, I'll try.

Okay, sit down, sit
down. Now I'll try.

Make like I'm
climbing a rope, huh?

♪ La, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ La, da, da, da, da... ♪

Hey, Rosie, it's working!

I wonder what she'd
do with rock and roll!

Oh, come on, hurry
up, honey... I'm starved!

Well, sit over here,
and I'll give you

some direct from the factory.

Sit on the log.

sh**t the juice to me, Luce!

Okay.

I asked for a drink,
not a milk sh...!

You don't want a refill, huh?

No, and I can't even see!

Aha!

Back there, back there.

What?

Now I've caught you in the act.

I have had nothing but trouble

since this health
farm moved in here.

I knew you women were
sneaking over and stealing my stuff,

and now I've caught
you red-handed!

And white-faced!

I'd like to buy this place

and get rid of the
whole kit and caboodle!

- Buy it?
- Well, why don't ya?

Yeah. You got any money?

I got plenty of money,
but they won't sell it to me.

Wait, wait, wait!

Who-Who won't sell it to you?

Oh, boy, when
Mooney hears money,

he comes in on the beam.

Sir, my bank happens to hold
the mortgage on that property.

Now, we'd be happy to
talk business with you.

Well, that's okay with me.

Oh, fine. All right.

What's your name, sir?

- Johnson. -Uh, Mr. Mooney?
- Oh, Johnson, yes.

Mr. Mooney, the countess and
I have been very helpful to you,

and we-we're just wondering...
We still get our loot?

Uh, Mrs. Carmichael, you
were supposed to obey,

but you disobeyed,
so you get no loot!

- Uh, your name was Johnson?
- Johnson.

Well, I happen to have
the mortgage right here

in my pocket... I always
carry it with me, just in case.

Now, here we
are. Now, let's see.

Now, this is on a
five-percent loan.

That's all it is.

We'll amortize it
over 20 or 30 years.

And you'll see the
payments are very low.

Fire one!

Fire two!

- What is...
- Fire three!

Fire four!