04x01 - Lucy at Marineland

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Lucy Show". Aired: October 1, 1962 – March 11, 1968.*
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Widow Lucy Carmichael raises her children and shares her home with divorcee friend Vivien.
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04x01 - Lucy at Marineland

Post by bunniefuu »

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Gale Gordon.

- Look, Mom, another palm tree.
- Yeah.

- And there's some orange trees.
- Uh-huh.

And that's a swimming pool.

And that must be
the baseball field.

Jerry, please, it's
not polite to point.

People are staring at you.

- Where?
- Right over there.

I sure hope they accept me here.

Well, honey, don't
worry about it,

but it is important that we
create a good impression

in our interview
with Major Grayson.

He's the admittance officer.

Let's take a look at you, now.

Let me see your nails.

Oh, Jerry, how do you
get your nails so dirty?

- I don't know.
- Well, put 'em in your pockets.

I think that's where
they get so dirty.

Button your coat up.

Come in.

Major Grayson?

Yes, Corporal?

A Mrs. Carmichael
to see you, sir.

Oh, send them right in.

Major Grayson?

Yes, Mrs. Carmichael?

Come right in, won't you?

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

This is my son Jerry.

Hi there, scout.

- How do you do?
- Oh. Excuse me.

Well, won't you sit down?

Thank you.

You sit over there, dear.

I have your letter right here...

- Oh, good.
- Mrs. Carmichael.

Bless you.

Hmm...

I would have typed
the whole letter,

but the ribbon broke.

I wanted to finish it in ink,

but Jerry borrowed
my pen for school.

All right.

Anyway, I think
better in crayon.

No need to apologize,
Mrs. Carmichael.

After all, Abraham Lincoln
wrote his greatest speech

on the back of a paper bag.

Yeah, but it wasn't as tough

to get a kid in
school in those days.

Well, we always find room
for a boy who's qualified.

Oh, good, good.

Uh, Mrs. Carmichael, I see here

that your home is back east.

Oh, not anymore.

You see, I moved to California
to be closer to my daughter.

She's attending
college out here.

Well, you're rather
young-looking

to have a daughter in college.

Oh...

Thank you, General.

Major.

I'm sorry. Major.

- Yes.
- Yes.

Now, Mrs. Carmichael, may I ask,

what prompted your
decision to enroll your son

in a private school?

Well, sir, you see,

I live on a very modest income

from a small trust fund
left by my husband.

And, uh, now, with the expense

of having my
daughter in college,

I... I figured if I
boarded Jerry

in a nice school
during the week,

I'd be free to go out
and find myself a job.

I see. What kind
of work do you do?

Well, before I was
married, I went to New York

and I worked as a
secretary, a cashier,

a telephone
operator, a saleslady,

a waitress and a librarian.

Sounds like quite a career.

How long were you in New York?

Two weeks.

And that many jobs?

It was a matter of adjustment.

New York just doesn't seem
to adjust to some people.

I see.

Yes, well, I'll just
get your application.

Thank you.

All right.

Here we are.

Now, then, tell me, young man,

how did you come
to select our school?

Well, I wrote to
a lot of schools,

and the letter I got back from
you said you had baseball,

football, horseback riding
and a swimming pool.

Oh, conducted your
own survey, huh?

He's very smart for his age.

Well, we also have
Mathematics, History,

English, Geography, and Latin.

You didn't say
that in your letter.

Well, we're smart for our age.

But it isn't all work.

We do have a very fine
recreation program here

and we're quite proud
of our baseball team.

Yeah, I saw the baseball field.

Yes, Jerry's very
fond of baseball.

Back home, in the Little
League, he played second base

and batted .298.

Is that so?

Yes, and he would have
batted well over .300,

if it hadn't been for
some very bad umpiring.

Mom, you're not
supposed to say that.

Why not?

- It's just not big league.
- Oh...

Well, Mrs. Carmichael,

your application
seems to be in order.

I'll register Jerry now and he
can be admitted on Monday.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Now, what I'll need
is his transfer slip

from his former school.

Oh, yes, the transfer slip.

I have it right here, sir.

Thank you. Uh...

Now, what...

What in the...?

It's only bubble gum.

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, don't worry about it.

We're experts at removing gum

and scraping peanut
butter off homework papers.

I beg your pardon, sir?

Yes, Corporal?

The bus is waiting.

Be right there.

Well, Mrs. Carmichael,

I'll look forward to
seeing you on Monday.

Right now, I have a bus waiting

to take our baseball
team on an outing.

- Oh.
- The baseball team?

Yes. We're going to Marineland.

It's Jimmy Piersall Day.

He's going to be down
there, signing autographs.

Gee, Jimmy Piersall!

He's my favorite player.

Oh, uh...

well, uh, I'd like to
take you along, Jerry,

but regulations won't allow
me to accept responsibility

for someone who hasn't
been admitted officially.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

Fine.

But as long as you're here,

why don't you have
your mother take you over

to our stables and
see our horses;

maybe visit our gymnasium
and swimming pool.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Good boy.

Well, I'll see you on Monday,
then, Mrs. Carmichael.

Yes, sir, and thank you.

You've been most kind.

Thank you, and good-bye.

Oh, good, good-bye,
Major Grayson.

Yes.

Come on, Mom.

We may as well go
look at the horses.

We won't have
time for that, Jerry.

I've got to go home,
change my clothes,

go to the bank, and
get some money.

Why do you have
to do all that now?

Because you are not
going to be the only kid

on that baseball team that
didn't meet Jimmy Piersall.

Oh, boy!

Come on.

Oh, sure, you're
absolutely right.

Thank you, dear.

I'll take care of it.

I'll see that it's put in
the mail in the morning.

Thank you very much.

- Mr. Potter?
- Yes.

I'm Mrs. Carmichael.

I talked to you
earlier, on the phone.

Oh, how do you do,
Mrs. Carmichael?

- Sit down, please.
- Thank you.

You're the lady whose trust
fund has been placed in our care.

Yes, sir, and, uh, I would like to
draw some money, in advance,

on next month's allowance.

No problem.

It isn't?

Well, after all,
it's your money.

Well, my goodness.

You know, whenever I
tried to get an advance

from the man in charge
of my account back home,

it was, it was
like pulling teeth.

Well, Mrs. Carmichael,

I think you'll find banking in
California is much more casual.

Is that so?

Well, certainly.

We try to be understanding.

After all, there are many
people in the low-income bracket

who come to us for help
in certain emergencies,

like a new filter for
the swimming pool,

or an additional stereo
speaker on the patio;

a facelift, a nose job,

or a trip to Las Vegas.

Well, Mr. Potter, I
am certainly lucky

to have a man like you
in charge of my account.

Thank you, Mrs. Carmichael,

but I'm not in charge
of your account.

- Oh?
- This is being turned over

to one of our trust officers.

The gentleman in the
office over there will help you.

Oh, oh, well, thank
you very much.

You've been most kind.

- Any time, Mrs. Carmichael.
- Thank you.

- Good day.
- Good day.

You wait right
here, now, darling.

I'll only be a minute, okay?

- Mr. Mooney!
- You!

You mean you're
handling my account again?

I am?!

Well, Mr. Potter...

Oh, boy.

It sure is a small world.

It sure is.

And if I could find a
launching pad, I'd leave it.

What are you doing out
here in California, anyway?

Well, last week, the
bankers down in Danfield

were shifting various
executives around,

and, well, I was
given two choices...

and I chose the
state of California.

What was the other choice?

The state of unemployment.

- Mrs. Carmichael?
- What?

Did you know that,
out here in California,

some banks give you gifts
when you open a new account?

- They do?
- Yes.

And I'll see to it that
you get a lovely gift...

if you'll open your
account at another bank.

Oh, now, don't be
like that, Mr. Mooney.

Things are gonna be different

now that I'm out
here in California.

I'm going to start
off with a clean slate.

Good. Well, I hope that
means that, in the future,

you will limit your spending

to the bare necessities of life.

- Yes, sir.
- Good.

I have just come face-to-face
with a $20 necessity.

For what?

I want to go to Marineland.

- Marineland?!
- Yes.

How can you call
that a necessity?

Because I don't want my
son to be the only boy in school

who doesn't have Jimmy
Piersall's autograph.

What?!

It's Jimmy Piersall
Day at Marineland.

I don't care what day it is.

That is still a great
extravagance.

Well, the bus fare
alone is over $5.00.

Well, don't go by bus.

No. Find yourself a
friend who has a car,

and have him drive you there.

Oh, what an idea.

You're wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

How soon can we leave?

We?

Well, it was your idea,

and you're the only friend I
have out here in California.

Mrs. Carmichael, can you
give me one good reason

why I should leave my
duties here at the bank

to drive you to Marineland?!

You bet I can give
you one good reason.

Oh, I mustn't forget
to mail this postcard

to Aunt Viv and her new husband.

I was very pleased when I heard
about Mrs. Bagley's marriage.

Fine man, Vern Bunson.

Yeah, and you know, Vivian says

one of the nicest things
about her new husband is

that his name matches the
initials on her old luggage.

And you know, Sherman is
just crazy about his new father.

Ah.

Come on, Mom, let's get going.

Jerry, would you like it if,
someday, I got married again

and you had a new father?

I'd rather have a surfboard.

They didn't have surfboards
when I got married.

Imagine going to Marineland

and seeing Jimmy
Piersall all in the same day.

You know, Jimmy Piersall

is Jerry's favorite
baseball player.

He's just great, and
when he gets on base,

boy, can he steal.

Jerry, in the
presence of a banker,

never use the word steal.

There he is, Mom...
Jimmy Piersall!

- Well, you go ahead. Go ahead.
- Oh, yeah!

I'll wait. I'll wait.

Good luck, fella. Next?

Uh, hello.

I'm Lucy Carmichael, and
my son had me bring him

all the way down
here to meet you.

Fine. Where is he?

He's right... Oh.

Here he is.

He's not usually bashful,

but you're such
a big hero to him.

Don't be shy, pal.

Shake hands.

Hey, you got a pretty good grip.

What do you want me to write?

I don't know.

Oh, just say, "To Jerry
Carmichael from Jimmy Piersall."

How do you spell that?

P-I-E-R

S-A...

I'm sorry.

C-A-R, uh...

M-I-C-H-A-E-L.

That's A-E-L.

Jerry, do you play ball?

Only in the Little League.

Once he pitched a no-hitter.

Yeah? What was the score?

Eight to nothing.

Nice win.

We lost.

How could you lose eight to
nothing pitching a no-hitter?

No hits, but 32 walks.

Well, it wasn't his fault.

It was a case of
very bad umpiring.

Mom, mothers aren't supposed

to blame the
umpires... are they?

Mine does.

See?

Ladies and gentlemen,

our first afternoon's
performance will get underway

in a few minutes, in
the Whale Stadium.

Oh, boy! Whales!

Yeah, well, thank you
very much, Mr. Piersall.

Oh, and I hope someday
that you-you pitch a no-hitter.

Huh?

Mom, Jimmy's an outfielder.

They don't let him pitch.

They don't?!

Well, we had the same situation,
and I'll tell you what to do:

Have your mother go to
the manager and tell him

that you have just as much
right to pitch as anybody else.

Thanks, lady.

I'll try that.

Okay. Bye-bye.

And they call me a kook.

Mr. Piersall, may I
have your autograph?

Oh, here we are right here.

Jerry, will you stop
playing with that ball?

Now, you're going to lose it.

No, I won't.

Oh, look! There's Major
Grayson with all the boys!

See over there?

Hi!

Hi!

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

We are about to begin
our afternoon show.

Okay!

This is exciting.

Really, Mrs. Carmichael,

you are the most
unsophisticated woman.

I am not unsophisticated.

I mean, isn't it
exciting for the kids?

As far as I'm concerned,

if you've seen one whale,
you've seen them all.

Well, you certainly
don't act it.

Well, that's because I've
never seen one whale.

Oh, boy, I see a lot of things
swimming around out there!

Hey, lady, will you please
sit down so we can see?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Hey, look!

It's the whale!

Hey, see the whale?
Look at the whale!

Lady, will you please sit down?

Yeah, sit down!

Sorry.

Jerry, what are you doing?

What's the matter now?

- I dropped my ball.
- Oh, dear.

Oh, I see it. I'll get it.

Hey, the show's
out there, buster.

Mr. Mooney!

Major Grayson is here.

Please do not embarrass us.

Just getting his ball.

Let me hold it.

And now, folks,

stepping out on the platform
to conduct our performance

is Marineland's
world famous trainer

of marine life, Larry Clark.

And now, Bubbles,
our patriotic whale,

will start the festivities by
unfurling the American flag.

Oh!

Oh, the ball.

The ball?

Oh!

Oh, darn!

Mommy! My ball!

Oh, never mind, honey.

We'll get you another one.

But Jimmy Piersall left.

Oh, really?

All right, I'll get it.

If there's anything I hate,
it's a smart-aleck fish!

Mom, get my ball!

Oh, dear.

Throw it to me.

Throw it to me.

Throw it to me.

Throw me the ball!

Look, give me the
ball, will you? Give me...

I'm one of you. I'm one of you.

Throw it here. Ah!

Aah! Aah!

Wait here. Wait here.

I... Oh.

Mr. Mooney?

Mr. Mooney...

Come and get me, Mr. Mooney!

I-I'm coming. I-I'm coming!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Ooh!

Mr. Mooney!

Mr. Mooney, help me!

Oh!

Oh, Mr. Mooney!

Help me!

Oh! Oh!

- Hang on. Look out.
- Mr. Mooney!

- Hang on!
- I am hanging on!

Hold still.

I can't hold on to you, if...

I can't hang on

- any longer, Mr. Mooney.
- Watch it now. Watch it here.

Oh-ho! Aah!

Hold still,
Mr. Mooney, I'm falling!

- I - can't... Hold still!

Mr. Mooney, I'm
falling! Help me!

I can't help you!

Mr. Mooney, I can't hang on!

Oh, let go of my pants!

- Aah!
- Let go of my pants!

Aah! Ooh, for crying...

Mr. Mooney!

Mom?

I know, I know.

Watch it! Watch it!

You'll get me wet.

Thank you, Major.

Oh, Major Grayson, I
can explain everything.

Well, I certainly hope so.

And Mrs. Carmichael,

I'm enrolling your son in
our school immediately.

I think he'll be a
lot safer with us.

Uh, may I help you, sir?

No, thank you.

Thank you. It's all right.
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