02x01 - The Curse

[bunniefuu]

- (SOFT CLATTERING)
- (LIQUID POURING)

'Sup, shitass?

Hope you're doing good.

Just floating around in space.

Yep. Things been real messed-up
around here.

There was a tornado in town.

Uncle Brownie stopped it, though.

He's been right acting up ever since.

Can you see me?

♪ Surprises in the night... ♪

Bark if you can.

Ha.

Ha!

WILLIE JACK:
My dad's OCD is on X Games mode.

Losing his socks,
his favorite mug, his keys.

Thinks the "Little People"
are f*cking with him.

Damn... (SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)

Okay, that I'm actually
not surprised about.

I'm-I'm not gonna bullshit, but...

Bear still talks to that spirit

- with the hard nips.
- I mean, I don't know

what the f*ck you're doing here.

And this picking on me and sh*t.
Man, just...

Cheese been spending a lot of
time with his Uncle Charlie,

which I guess is good.

The tornado winds
picked up someone's horse

and dropped her off at Kenny Boy's.

Welcome to Burglekutt Salvage.

- She's so beautiful.
- WILLIE JACK: And now he thinks,

friggin', the Creator gifted it to him.

You're ours now,

and we're yours.

WILLIE JACK: Big's still going on about

- his Bigfoot and catfish heads.
- Huh.

WILLIE JACK: Bucky's been having
problems with that este hvtke lady,

per "yoozh."

Mose and Mekko got their bikes hustled.

I better not find out who took it.

Send them to the spirit world.

- WILLIE JACK: They're on foot now.
- Let's ride.

- But we can't even ride.
- (SCOFFS)

And Elora left with that bitch Jackie.

She's, like, our sworn enemy now.

f*ck.

Bad part is...

think it's all my fault.

♪ ♪

♪ When I was young... ♪

GPS is f*cked-up.

Can you put it in your phone?

I've got a burner.

No GPS.

f*ck.

♪ I will find ♪

♪ It again ♪

♪ So sad, so sad, so sad. ♪

(ENTRY BELL DINGS)

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

(INDIGENOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

(OVER SPEAKER): Aho!

Thank you for your donation.

Excuse me for my beauty now,
for I shall give you

some ancient Native American
wisdom here.

He who hoots with the owls at night

cannot soar with the eagles
in the morning.

Do not watch two dogs
get stuck together.

For if you do, you shall get pink eye.

These are ancient sayings

from the heartbeat of Mother Earth.

(SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE)
Deposit more money now for more wisdom.

Hoka.

The f*ck?

Bullshit machine.

Hey, you can't use that
until you buy it.

I'm buying it.

(CAR APPROACHING)

♪ We them boys, yeah, we are men ♪

♪ Some are thirsty,
some will bow, pop, pop ♪

♪ Stress the streets, bro,
tradition's power ♪

♪ We them natives,
now the world about to pay me ♪

♪ We them natives that
will pump up after payment ♪

♪ They said I'd die broke,
so I made a million dollars ♪

♪ Spend it by ,
'cause money ain't nada ♪

♪ Nada, nada, nothing. ♪

- Aho! Your friend Daniel's house.
- (GROANS)

- Yeah.
- f*ck.

I will take care of him,
friends, nephew. Uh-huh.

The hell are you doing here, man?

Oh, hi there, young warrior.
Good to see you.

Yeah, I was on my way to another
appointment, a new client.

I saw you here looking
all-all sad-like.

- (SUCKS TEETH)
- So I decided to stop by.

Why are you here? I thought
you went to California.

I w...

We were.

But f*cking
Elora Danan ditched me, man.

I'm actually glad to see you.

I haven't really been
feeling the best...

Yeah, bro, I'm sorry.

I can't hear your sad story right now.

I-I got to go. I got this other client.

Fucker things he's a spirit, you know?

He did turn the storm,
but, f*ck, whatever.

Everyone can do that.

So...

- I'll check you later.
- Wait, you serious?

No, come on. Come on, man.

You literally inv*de my life

whenever it's convenient for you, man.

And as soon as I'm seeking help,
you just bail?

Okay, um...

You got your, uh...

your sacred curlies in, right?

My what?

Your sacred hairs.

Your man mesh. Your nest of creation.

Your he-muff, she-muff,
they-muff down there.

See, long time ago, when our
sacred hairs came in like that,

it meant that
we weren't children no more

and that we started working
for the people.

You...

you're acting like a kid, man.

We all had a job. We all had a role.

That's how we built strong nations,

like each a stitch

in the great loin cloth of the people.

I don't even know what that means, man.

f*ck, I don't even know
what it means, man.

I'm just making it up
as I go along, all right?

Why you asking me all these questions?

You weren't even my appointment today.

f*ck. Take responsibility for yourself,

young warrior.

Carry on, my wayward son.

There will be peace when you are done.

Aho.

I'm trying, man.

WILLIE JACK: Oi!

Skoden.

Yeah.

You see how Daniel's dad moved?

Yeah, I heard.

I think, bro, that it's all connected.

(SCOFFS) Man, you sound like
you've been chilling with Big.

She sounds like Big.

- Yeah.
- f*ck no, I don't sound like Big.

Uncle Brownie told us,

"Don't mess with bad medicine."

What do we do?
f*cking mess with bad medicine.

- BEAR: Yo, that was all you.
- WILLIE JACK: f*cking cursed now.

It seems like it's just
a bunch of "co-edincinces."

Yeah.

Don't know. Elora taking off
and ditching you.

Yeah, but ma-maybe it's my fault
she left, man.

- Guys...
- Or maybe it's because

she's f*cking selfish and she
doesn't give a sh*t about me, man.

But it's not
because of a f*cking curse.

- Guys.
- Yes, it is. It's all connected.

- No, it's not, bro. It's just...
- Guys!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

What the f*ck?

Hey, bro.

The hell's going on?

Tearing it down.

Yeah, someone bought it last week.

What, y'all live here or something?

No, it's, like, our secret hideout.

Ain't no secret anymore, man.

Some Texas rancher bought it.

He's gonna build some sort of...

You know, megachurch

- for white folks.
- And there's no curse.

Is this y'all's sh*t?

Oh, hell no.

- Daniel's sh*t, you guys.
- f*ck.

See, I told you, man. f*cking curse.

WORKER: Yeah. Kind of looked like
some evil seance or some sh*t.

- What-what are y'all doing?
- It's a memorial.

What's up with the commodity
cheese, man?

Yo, why you asking so much questions?

Told you. f*cking cursed.

♪ Down with a bag, with some bag... ♪

JACKIE: How the f*ck do people
read these things?

♪ Everything legal if you want
to, I said f*ck the... ♪

(CAR BEEPING)

- What the f*ck?
- Hey, what's that light mean?

- (ENGINE BANGS)
- What the f*ck?

sh*t.

(RADIO TURNS OFF)

f*ck.

Man, your grandma's
got a rezzy-ass car.

What the f*ck do we do now?

f*ck.

f*ck.

♪ ♪

SPIRIT: Take this moment to pray.

Take a moment here to pray.

I want to pray for you, Creator. Aho.

Aho. Creator,

thank you for these sacred tater tots

that my nephew-grandson-grandpa
here has given me.

Take care of his little heart
like that and his cholesterol

in that good way.

- Aho.
- So, does this mean

I'm a holy man now?

Huh? No, no, no.

You're not a holy man.

I think I must be.

You're not.

What was Crazy Horse like?

Crazy Horse? Oh, man.

He was something.
He was pretty awesome.

His eyes were like the thunder
beams looking at you, you know?

Most people think a warrior
means to be all macho like that,

but no,

being a warrior means being
in touch with your feminine side.

And Crazy Horse, he did that.

He was a true warrior.
In touch with his man moon.

Most people don't remember
that we once had a man moon.

We'd bleed once a month.

Happened every sacred time for us.

Crazy Horse was the last
one of us to have a man moon.

- Hmm.
- And then the white man

took it from us.

He had a gimpy leg, too.

About a foot shorter. He just
hobbled around everywhere.

That's why he rode the horse
all the time.

I don't think you knew him.

Nah, I-I mean,
I didn't really know him.

I mean, how do you
really know somebody?

- (LAUGHS)
- But he was pretty girthy.

pounds. Very stoic.

I wish I knew him more.

Holy men can't be having
colonizer boobs on their wall.

I told you.

You're not a holy man,

- Grandson-Nephew-Brother.
- And you're not a regular spirit.

You're one of those backwards spirits.

Telling me Crazy Horse had a gimpy leg.

- He did.
- (LAUGHS)

- BROWNIE: I'm a holy man now.
- For f*ck's sake.

BROWNIE: I'll have sacred duties.

Who's he talking to?

I think it's safe to say
he's delusional.

BROWNIE: Have to set a good example.
Help others.

- Uncle.
- CHEESE: What?

The director's cut
of Big Trouble in Little China?

I've never seen this one.

What the hell are you kids doing here?

- We need help.
- No.

You caught me right in the middle
of making myself a better man.

- What's that mean?
- Means "Get the f*ck out."

Okay?

The f*ck you doing with that?

Oh, i-it was in the trash.

My mistake. Leave me alone.

f*ck it, let's just go in.

sh*t's been f*cked up, Uncle.

Curse I did f*cking flipped on me.

Ennit, bro?

Eh.
WILLIE JACK: We just need your help.

You used bad medicine, didn't you?

White medicine. I know you

told me not to, but bitch had to go.

Well, you have to go back
to whoever put on the curse

and start there.

I told you, I don't mess
with bad-luck medicine.

You know, you should
really "alphabetecize" these.

What?

It-it just helps, easier to find.

I-It's why you lost Big Trouble.

Well, I'll pay you some Sonics
if you do it for me.

I can't read the small letters, so...

Worth it.

Oh, but you got to let me
watch this, though.

- You got it.
- (CLICKS TONGUE)

Man.

Think he's gonna stop?

Mm-mmm. He's probably r*cist.

- Looks creepy.
- No, he's just white.

Hey. Where you headed?

Uh, we're going to L.A.

L.A., huh? Wow.

I-I could probably
get you as far as Amarillo.

I'm going to that big
white cross with... Jesus.

I'll ride up front.

(SOFT THUDDING)

I'm sorry it's, uh, messy.

I haven't had a chance to clean.

- You guys don't mind the mess?
- It's fine.

- You want some Flamers?
- I'm good.

You want some Flamers?
They're my favorite.

Come on. No?

I'm fine.

You guys are young.

You don't like Flamers?

I'm Victor.

I'm J-Janet.

I'm Jackson.

Really?

Janet and Jackson?

All right.

Well, straight up now, tell me,

do you want to hear some jams
pumped into the car here

and hit the road?

This is a good song.

By a singer named Pat Green.

It's not a classic country song.

I like my country more modern.

Not the stuff that's stuck
in the h*nky-tonks.

I need it on the main stage
to really understand it.

This boy's from Dallas.

You can't argue with a Texan.
Listen to that voice.

Good voice, great body.

That's an entertainer.

The full package.

♪ I was looking for somebody ♪

♪ All I'm looking for is you ♪

♪ You came upon me wave on wave... ♪

I one time heard an old man singing

this song at karaoke
and I just fell in love with it.

That's how I remember it.

Sadly, this reminds me
of myself a little bit.

"I wandered out to the water

"to see if I had drowned.

I just know I'm going down." That part.

That part reminds me of me.

I think he's, like, he wrote it for me.

(ELORA CLEARS THROAT)

I'm a salesman. I travel all over.

I sell art.

Framed and matted art,
by painters like Monet and Van Gogh.

Those are famous painters.

Prints, of course. Not the real thing.

Those are hard to come by.

Kind of like a good friend.

I have a son.

I don't know him very well.

Another man raises him.

I'm still thinking about when
he was in diapers, and, uh,

now he's in...

roller skates and

jean shorts and...

You know, all the things
teenage boys do and wear.

So, you know how teenage boys are.

Right?

You two teenage girls?

Surely you must have met
some boys along the way.

Uh, why-why did you turn?

(SNIFFLES)

- Hey, I asked you a question.
- Hmm?

Why did you turn?

Oh, there's just a gas station
further up the road.

Looks like your t*nk's half full.

Yeah, but you never know.

Once we hit the Panhandle,
could be a little white

before we hit another gas station.

You don't want to get
stuck with me, do you?

Where the f*ck are you taking us?

Yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere.

Just calm down.

- Hey, we asked you a question.
- Relax. Whoa, no, no, no.

- (LOCKS CLICK)
- Lock.

- What the f*ck?
- Hey, no swearing.

I'm gonna f*cking kick
you in the f*cking face

Calm down.

- If you don't pull over.
- Whoa, don't-don't get razzed, don't...

Oh!

- (GASPS) Oh, my God.
- Pull over!

What the f*ck are you doing? s*ab him!

s*ab his ass!

Aah! Aah!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, my God!

- Oh, you b*tches!
- (HORN HONKING)

- You f*cking b*tches!
- I f*cking warned you!

VICTOR: You stupid...

Get the f*ck out! You backstabbers!

I tried to help you!

I tried to help you!

f*ck.

Our bags.

Our f*cking money.

f*ck! (MOANS)

Oh, f*ck.

I got a couple bucks.

Well, if one of you were handy,
you could take a look

- at my beer cooler.
- I ain't no maintenance man.

- Geez... Turn it down.
- sh*t.

These shitasses.

Where's your uncle?

He's a holy man now.

Yeah, right,
and I'm a sex worker in Paris.

Tequila with a little lime, right?

Yes, you remembered.

And you're still too young, assh*le.

Came to talk to you.

I need you to undo what you did.

What I did?

You mean, what you did.

Come on, man.
Whatever f*cking Hogwarts sh*t

you got up your sleeve's
been causing it for all of us.

That curse came back
and it's frickin' biting

all of us in the ass right now.

Well, I can't help that.
That's not my problem.

Quit being cheap.
My bro's all sad panties.

My hair's falling out. Like...

Where's your Gandalf stick
or your wand or some sh*t?

You need to Uno reverse card this sh*t.

I'm just the intercessor.

- The conjurer.
- The shaman.

Yeah.

Do either of y'all have jobs?

- No.
- Job would straighten you out.

You wouldn't be going on and on

talking about curses and sh*t.

What's your job?

You're looking at it.

- Drinking?
- No.

Disability, shitass.

You need a job.

A real job, you hear me?

All right.

Well, give me back that hair, then.

I wish I could, but

I don't got it no more.

I don't just keep vials of hair
laying around the house.

Sko, bro. This wizard's cooked.

Told you.

You're gonna need a more
powerful wizard than me.

Like, level five.

But I heard most of them are dead.

And a J-O-B wouldn't hurt.

BEAR: Man, this is a waste of time.

WILLIE JACK: They sound like my dad.

Yeah, and that's where I met Bethany.

She was just a wild onion then.

She was the only white woman there.

Well, that white woman be stupid

if she don't take
this handsome man back.

- AUNTIE B: Dang.
- BUCKY: Mm. Think she'll like it?

- Hell yes.
- Hey, young bloods.

- Sup?
- Hey.

Hey, cvpon, I know you.

Who's your dad?

- AUNTIE B: Huh? You know his dad.
- Used to snag around with him.

Little braids.

- DEDE: Ennit.
- Little Braids.

Dang, boy. I was almost your mama.

Where's he at these days... jail?

He's in California.

Aw. Just all dadless, ennit?

It's okay.

Your mom will find another one.

AUNTIE B: What you kids want?

Need a trim, niece?

We need more of Jackie's hair.

You know, for the curse we did?

What you talking about, hair?

I don't be giving out hair. You crazy?

- You gave us hair last time.
- Hair for a curse.

I don't be giving out hair.

What, you trying
to scare off my customers?

Gol.

But you did. Gave us some hair.

I believe I will
just sweep up my own hair.

(CHUCKLES) Ah. Yeah.

You know, if you two
are putting a curse on someone,

take it from me,

that bad medicine
will come back on you hard.

f*ck, I know.

Trying to undo it.
That's why we're here.

But I told you, I don't be
giving out hair for curses.

Go on, acting like I'm a witch.

You good, bro?

Hey.

Here.

Put these in your pocket.

Why?

We're gonna break that curse.

Oh, f*ckin' skoden!

You need something
from the person that you cursed.

Something personal. You know,
it doesn't have to be hair.

It could be anything.

Her Auntie Bev's.

She might have something.

Sko there. f*ck.

Okay, then, so, uh,
where's this Auntie Bev's?

f*ck, I don't even know.

She works at IHS.

(EXCLAIMS)

(CHUCKLES) What's wrong with him?

He's got daddy issues.

I ain't got daddy issues.

Hey, we all got daddy issues.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)

You stabbed that fool in the arm.

(CHUCKLES): Yeah.

I guess I did.

f*cking stabbed him up.

You don't think he's gonna, like,

die or anything, though, do you?

It was just his arm.

I might've broke that fucker's jaw.

But I warned him, though.

This catfish is sh*t.

Yeah.

It's got nothing on Rob and Cleo's.

Your friend Daniel?

It wasn't that long ago, was it?

About a year ago.

He was cool.

The coolest.

My brother d*ed.

He was cool, too.

- Bethany kicked me out again.
- Aho.

BUCKY: Aho, yeah, she's a tough one.

Third time this month.

Try this.

BUCKY: Huh.

Man Moon.

Ah.

"Am I the problem?"

Mabel Post Oak.

Mabel Post Oak.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Wow. So, let me get this straight...

_

Hold on, hold on.
Bro, Cheese is texting me.

_

You took her hair.

You got a white wizard
to put a curse on her...

You didn't think it would work,
but it did...

And now you need a hair clip
or something to break the curse.

Yep.

Yeah.

What's your address?

You know what? Don't even tell me.

I know your mom.

Your dad works here.

I'm gonna refer you to, uh, drug court.

Hate this place.

Bye.

- Yo, what happened?
- She ain't gonna help us.

(SIGHS) Man, Willie Jack.

There's no curse, bro.
It's just kid sh*t.

Can we go eat some catfish?

Bro, I'd help you if you did a curse.

- (SCREAMING OVER TV)
- Mm.

I'm pretty sure there were six
extra frames when he exploded.

Your friends coming to pick you up?

I don't got no extra seat
on the lawn mower.

Mm, they're almost done.
Bucky's with them.

- Bucky?
- Yeah.

He's real knowledgeable
about this stuff.

He's really smart.
Might even be a wizard himself.

Wh-Where you going?

Turn it off, let's go.

Bucky doesn't know what he's doing.

He'll make it worse.

CHEESE: I thought you said
you didn't have an extra seat.

♪ Breakfast in cemetery ♪

♪ Boy tasting wild cherry ♪

♪ Touch girl, apple blossom ♪

♪ Just a boy playing possum... ♪

Can we pull over?

♪ For Indian Summer... ♪

For real, can we pull over, please?

Why, you got to take a sh*t?

Damn! What you doing now?

Oh, my God.

(SIGHS) Willie Jack.

I support you.

But I just got to go, man. I'm sorry.

f*ck.

He gonna be okay?

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Just all alone now. f*ck.

(EXHALES)

String theory explains this.

You know, every element in our bodies

was made inside an exploding star.

We just borrow stardust until we die,

and then we return it
for something else to use.

We're like vibrating strings,
you know, notes of the cosmos,

and each and every one of them

have their own part of the song.

You take away one part,

that song changes, but the song

never dies.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Got any Shotgun Willie, then?

Sure, on the left.

No bars.

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

(SIGHS) What the f*ck are we gonna do?

We could steal a car.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY) Steal a car?

It's easy.

Most folks leave their keys
in their cars anyways.

Especially these bumpkins.

Sko.

(ROOSTER CROWS)

Hey. Let's start with this one.

You sure?

Didn't you steal a chip truck before?

Yeah, but this is
kind of f*cking different.

It's the same. Come on.

(CLICKING, THUDDING)

- Got to be here.
- (WHISPERS): f*ck, hurry up.

Got it. Come on.

Hey! Get the f*ck out of here!

Someone's breaking into the car!

- sh*t. Bail.
- GIRL: Guys,

someone's breaking into the car!

♪ ♪

- (ENGINE STARTS)
- Go, go, go!

f*ck!

(MAN WHOOPS)

- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- (g*nsh*t)

f*ck.

f*ck.

- (g*nsh*t)
- ELORA: Run!

♪ I was living in a devil town ♪

♪ I didn't know it was a devil town ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, it really brings me down ♪

♪ About the devil town ♪

♪ I was living in a devil town ♪

♪ Didn't know it was a devil town ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, it really brings me down ♪

♪ About the devil town ♪

♪ About the devil town. ♪