04x13 - Sally Forth

[bunniefuu]

Oh... Hello! I am in here.

I know! I'm standing
right next to you.

Get out, ya brat.

No, I'm asking out alissa today,

And I can't with
these dry elbows.

I mean, pass me the moisturizer.

Oh, my god, there's
some on my fist.

Coming through!

Spitting!

You missed the sink.

Harry, if I asked
you out on a date,

Would you reject me
because of these elbows?

No, I'd reject you
because I like ladies.

Get out!

Where's today's paper?

Mary claims that 5
people were k*lled

In that grain
elevator expl*si*n,

And I could swear
that it was 7. Yes!

Nice job.

Aliens, one. Humans, nothing.

Spitting.

You spit on me. Jeez!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Quick, harry,

Get... Get dubcek!

The plumbing has gone mad!

[Doorbell rings]

Harry!

Vicki!

You're back.

I was gonna sneak up to
your bed and surprise you.

By changing my sheets?

Maybe afterwards.

Well, I'd invite you up,

But I got plumbin' problems.

Oh, really?

Well, why don't you
come right in here

And let me help you fix 'em?

Thank you.

Where's harry?

Oh, he bumped into vicki,

And they got a little freaky.

Well, our bathroom
is a shambles!

You know, you're
behind in the rent.

If you want me to put
money into your plumbing,

How about paying the rent?

Rent? You get a guy
up here with a tool belt,

And we'll about the rent.

Oh, please, I'm a businesswoman.

This is not a halfway house.

Anymore.

Oh, yeah?

Well, until you have
our bathroom repaired,

I wouldn't stand under a window.

Don, I'll tell you, this place
is really starting to get to me.

I mean, you know, it's nice...

It's nice...

It's not even nice.

Aw, it's not so bad.
It's just an attic.

It's not just this
place, don. It's my life.

I just want something else.

Something else?

You know, sometimes I just wish

Somebody would take
me away from here.

Sally, are you saying
what I think you're saying?

I'm saying I want someone
to take me away from here.

Where'd I lose you?

Oh, you didn't lose me, sally.

I'm onto you like white on rice.

[Quietly] so what are
you doin' on friday night?

[Clears throat]
s-s-so... [Coughs]

So what are you
doin' on friday night?

Alissa.

Solomon's trying to ask you out.

Hah! No, I'm not.

I... I was talkin'
to you, elman.

What are you doin' on friday?

You want to hang
out or something?

Ha ha ha, with you?
I don't think so.

[Clears throat]

Would you please stop
breathing on my hair?

What's going on over here?

This ass is
breathing on my hair!

Nice language.

You get detention.

I meant ass as in jackass.

That's totally acceptable.

You know, "I'm a jackass,
you're a jackass."

That's detention for a week.

Solomon. Here's my number.

Din-din!

Come and get it before
it gets cold. Come on.

Oh, it smells so good!

That's nice.

Uh-uh-uh. Head of the
table, head of the table.

Ooh!

Yeah.

Whoa! I get to carve?

Baby...

You get to do whatever you want.

You mean like carve? Oh, yeah.

Anything you want. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Hey!

Let's just eat.

This is good. Oh, it's so good.

Uh, hello, ladies.

Is... Is d*ck around?

No. Why?

No reason.

Uh, just tell him that I have
a question I would like to...

No, uh, just tell him
that I came by, and, uh...

No, just tell him
that I didn't stop by.

Thank you.

Wait. Is something wrong?

Uh, no, it's just that...

I think sally wants
me to propose.

She's... She's been hinting.

And, uh, I would love that,

But, you know, if
I'm misreading her, i...

Why? What did she say exactly?

Aw, you don't want
to get involved in this.

Yeah, she does.

I'm very good at
this kind of stuff.

Oh, god, I'm so nervous, i...

Oh, don't be nervous, don.

Sit down.

You and sally are
great together.

She'll say yes in a heartbeat.

You think?

Oh, sure.

You know, when we
go out for drinks

And I'm bad-mouthing
d*ck up and down,

She only has the nicest
things to say about you.

Really?

Yeah, and dr. Albright
really baits her.

That's true.

Are you sure?

Don... It's a slam dunk.

All right!

I'm gonna do it!

Well, I'm building
up quite a case

Against those robber
barons downstairs.

Quite a case, indeed.

Tommy, break this window.

d*ck, why don't you just
pay mrs. Dubcek the rent?

Harry, this is our home.

What's got into you? You've been
spending too much time downstairs.

d*ck, your rent is way past due.

Pay it, or I'm
turning off the heat.

Oh, how predictable.

Does that come right out
of your slumlord's manual?

d*ck, you're not being fair.

Fair? Is it fair that we have to live
in a house with broken windows?!

Tommy!

Hey, babe.

Let's go downstairs. I'm gonna
fry you up some steak-ums.

Don't try to change the subject,

You processed, steak-frying,
bottom-feeding floozy!

You will put "miss"
in front of that

If you know what's good for you!

Harry, I forbid you to associate

With these drunken
kleptomaniacs.

Ohh! Ohh!

They are not kleptomaniacs!

They are nymphomaniacs!

Yeah! Thank you!

I'll take you home.

Harry!

This is about family loyalty.

You walk down those stairs,

And you are no longer a solomon.

Vicki...

Let's go get some steak-ums.

Sally, you look
beautiful tonight.

[Muffled] thanks, don.

Dispatcher, over radio:
4-charley-6, 4-charley-6,

Please respond to a proposal

On the corner of
radford and fifth.

Oh, my god.

Don...

That's where we are.

Is it?

Well, what do you know, it is.

Well, what's a proposal?
Is there gonna be g*nf*re?

No, sally.

Just... This.

Jewelry!

It's not just jewelry.

Sally, will you marry me?

Marry you?

Is that a yes?

Well... Sure.

I guess we could do that.

Yeah.

Good.

Great.

d*ck, why are we doing this?

You ask too many questions.

Just shut up and
do it as I taught you.

5, 6, 7, 8!

[Doing stomp routine]

[Blowing whistle]

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it!

This noise is driving me nuts!

I'm sorry.

We'll try to keep it down.

[Whispering] 5, 6, 7, 8...

d*ck, it's freezing in here.

Invigorating, isn't it?
Makes you feel alive.

Hey, guys.

Oh, lieutenant, I'm
glad you're here.

You know, don asked me
something out of the blue...

Cold? Of course it's cold.

Do you know why?

Because my own
brother betrayed me.

He and those dubceks
think they can freeze us out.

Ha! I thrive at
this temperature.

Wait, d*ck, I need to talk
to you about something...

We've grown accustomed
to too many luxuries, sally.

Heat, electricity,

Cooked meats.

It's made us weak!

Wait! No, d*ck, i...

[Door slams]

What's wrong?

Don wants to get married.

Oh, to who?

Me, you idiot!

Really? That's great!

Yeah.

Mrs. Sally orville.

It'll be great when
you guys get married.

You'll be together all the time.

All the time.

Man.

I would've loved that. I mean...

I don't even have the same
lunch period with alissa.

Well, you know, I have
been a woman on this planet

3 Years now.

I guess the next
step is to get married.

It's very popular.

You know, major celebrities
are doing it all the time.

Really?

Then it's gotta be great.

Mm.

You know, that guy
ought to buy a vowel.

Baby, that's dan rather.

Ain't nobody gonna
sell him a vowel.

Mm.

Ok, I gotta run
down to the store.

I was making pigs-in-a-blanket
and I ran out of bourbon.

It's cold out there, harry.

You want a little
piece of my afghan?

Oh, see? Now, that's
the respect I deserve.

Upstairs no one
ever offers me a piece.

Much less sleeps with
me on a semi-regular basis.

Still, I'm kinda sorry that mama
turned off your family's heat up there.

[Snorts] family.

That's not my family anymore.

You heard what d*ck said.

I'm a dubcek now.

And d*ck's gotta learn

That you can't take
advantage of a dubcek.

We come from a
proud people, vicki.

Don't we?

Well, not so much proud as...

Uppity.

Uppity!

Right.

Good.

And you can't take
advantage of uppity people.

Uppity people are not
to be taken advantage of!

Harry, you've... You've
become so ruthless.

Oh, I'm a bitch, vicki.

Mr. Kraft, I was wondering

If you could do me
a really big favor.

A favor.

Yeah, see,

I'm trying to get some
time alone with alissa.

You know what I mean?
And I was just hoping

You could throw some
of that detention my way.

Sit down, solomon.

Come on, man. We're
both guys here.

Do me this one solid. Huh?

I said sit down.

I don't believe this man.

You know, she's right.

You really are a jackass!

You lookin' for
detention, solomon?

Hello! Have you been
listening to a word I've said?

Yes, I want detention.

You got it, mister.

Thank you.

It's like pulling
teeth with this guy.

What's going on?

That jackass just
gave me detention.

That's a week, solomon.

Sally!

Congratulations!

Ohh! The ring.
Let's see the ring.

Oh, the ring.

Uhh!

Oh, here it is. [Blows]

Oh, it's beautiful!

Oh, you must be so thrilled.

Yeah, I am.

I mean, hey, it's
every girl's dream

To be tied down to her guy
for the rest of her life, huh?

Tied down.

Yeah.

Ok.

I've always had these
crazy dreams of, I don't know,

Backpacking through boston or...

Opening a souvenir shop

In downtown korea.

Now I don't have to worry
about which one to do

Because I'm not
gonna do any of them.

I'm gonna marry don,
and that makes me happy.

Uh, you're not planning on
writing your own vows, are you?

Sally, you don't
have to get married.

What do you mean?

Of course I do. He asked me.

You don't have to say yes.
It's not written in stone.

Yeah, but what about this stone?

You can always give it back.

I mean, sally, you're obviously not
ready for this kind of commitment.

And don, of all people,
should have picked up on that.

I mean, my god, how could
he even think to propose

When it's so obvious?

Yeah. I wonder where
he got that idea.

Oh, god.

You guys are so lucky
no one wants to marry you.

Hey, um, can I ask
you something?

Yeah.

Um... In class yesterday,

Were you really asking elman

If he wanted to hang out?

Yes.

Yeah. We're... You
know, we're buds.

[Clears throat]
play racquetball.

Occasional brunch.

Oh.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

Ok.

You know, I've been
known to play racquetball.

Really?

Well, you should
come one time with us.

You mean with you and elman?

Yeah.

Ok.

Well, what if, uh,

Elman didn't show up?

Would you still come?

I'd prefer that.

Really? Well, then, he's out.

So when shall we play?

Yeah... The truth is, I
don't play racquetball.

Really?

Me neither.

Cool.

d*ck, please.

Can't we go to my place?

Wouldn't a hot shower be nice?

I need no warmth.

The cold is like an old friend.

I was born for the tundra.

Ok, let's get right to it.

You stink. You need to wash.

Showers are the opiate
of the fragrant, mary.

I'm a squatter, and
I'm proud to be so.

Besides, as soon as I go,

Dubcek's gonna padlock the door.

Well, I'm sorry, d*ck,
but I've got to leave.

Oh, hello, mary.

God's teeth, it's cold in here!

Have you seen sally?

No.

I don't understand it.

I haven't heard a word
from her since I proposed.

Why would she do that?

I don't know.

Why are you asking me?

And I was so pumped up.

I thought it was gonna
be a slam dunk like you said.

Well, i...

I don't think I said slam dunk.

Yes, you did.

Well...

What I meant by
"slam dunk" was...

You never really know.

Ohh...

All right, where is he?!

d*ck, get it here!

You!

Oh! Are you referring to us?

Out of my house, interlopers.

Sally. Where have you been?

Yeah, sally, I could have
used some support here.

Support?

What about me?

Don asked me to marry him!

[Gasp]

He what?!

Why wasn't I informed?

I tried to tell you, but
you wouldn't listen, d*ck!

Well, i... I had my
hands full here.

Yeah, right.

Now look what you've done!

This is the most important
moment of my sister's life,

And because of you, I
was not here for her!

What do you have to
say for yourselves?

Aah! Congratulations!

That's great!

Way to go!

Don, we need to talk.

Well, at least I was with
her for that last part.

I'll always have that.

Well, I think we
can all learn a lot

From what's just happened here.

This feud ends now!

That's easier said than done.

Mama, you fix their bathroom.

d*ck, you pay your rent.

See?

Wow.

You've been thinking
about this a lot.

You know, I do like to think
of myself as the female...

Golda meir.

Sally, I'm a cop.

I've got keen instincts.

And right now my instincts
are telling me that...

I don't know what
the hell is going on.

Look...

Don, I am just
really... Confused.

I mean...

On the one hand,

I am like this...

Fully developed woman

With boobs and the
whole shebang, but...

Inside I just feel
like I'm still growing.

I don't know where
that's gonna go.

Look, I don't know how long

I'm gonna be on this planet.

Nobody does, sally.

Right.

Right.

And I just don't
want to miss anything.

Don't you ever feel that way?

I shouldn't have
asked you to marry me.

No.

Oh, don, I am so glad you did.

It made me think,

And I have talked
to everyone about it.

Everyone except my best friend.

Ah, sally.

You're like this
beautiful wild horse.

If I'm... Gonna keep you, I'd...

Have to break you.

Because if I didn't, you'd
just keep throwin' me off

And steppin' on my head.

But I don't want
to break you, sally.

I love you.

So I guess I'm gonna
have to... Let you go.

If, uh...

If someday you
should choose to, uh,

Come back to me...

Maybe I'll be here...

Maybe I won't.

We'll just have to see.

So this is it?

You know my number.

Yep.

911.

Hey, don.

Can we... Turn on the siren?

You know, for old times' sake?

Sure.

[Siren]

Harry, I'm sorry I kicked
you out of the family.

Mm... That's all right.

I'm sorry I turned
my back on the family.

That's all right. I'm sorry I
tried to have you arrested.

That's all right. I'm sorry
I tried to get you evicted.

That's all right.

Spitting.

[Plink]

You missed the sink.

I'm sorry I missed the sink.