04x30 & 04x31 - A Dark and Story Night/Feast or Family

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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04x30 & 04x31 - A Dark and Story Night/Feast or Family

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach
the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's gotta do
what he can to survive ♪

all: ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

all: ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

all: ♪ Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud, Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

♪ ♪

- Lana, change the channel.

- This show is so boring.

- Ugh!
There's nothing on TV!

[electricity sparks]
[all gasp]

- Oh, no.
What'd I do?

- Uh, I think the power's out.

Wonder if it's
the whole neighborhood.

- Let's see.
Yep.

A tree knocked down
a power line on Oak Street.

all: Eh.

- Uh-uh.
Put those down.

Who knows how long
this blackout could last?

We need to preserve
the battery life on our phones.

You too, Lily.

- Wait!
- Aww, man!

- This isn't fair!

- I'm sure you'll think
of another way

to entertain yourselves.

Just use your imaginations.

Come on, honey.

Let's take a quick walk
around the block

and check in on the neighbors.

- Good idea.
All right, kiddos.

Your mom and I'll be back
in just a bit.

- Ugh!

We're doomed!
- Yeah.

This is gonna be the most
boring night of our lives.

- Not necessarily!

Clyde taught me
a cool game we could try.

One of us starts
telling a story,

then we pass it off
to the next person

and they can do
whatever they want with it.

- Hm, interesting.
- Sounds cool.

- Great!
I'll go first.

[clears throat]

Once upon a time, there was
an awesome space cowboy

flying around the galaxy.

His name is Triton.

He's been away
from his planet for months.

He's finally heading home,
but all of a sudden...

[alarms blaring]
The ship begins to shake!

[computer beeping]

- Out of power?
Dang it.

I gotta find somewhere to land.
Fast.

[ship whooshes]

- Triton lands
on a foreign planet.

Looking for something
to power his ship.

When he sees...

Okay, Lola.
Now it's your turn.

- Ooh, yay.

So, weird space guy--
- He's not weird, Lola!

He's cool.
- Ugh, whatever.

So the space guy
looks around to see...

- [gasps]

- A lovely young lady

sitting by a pretty pond.

Her name is--

- Princess DeLola.

- Hi, DeLola.
I'm Triton.

- What brings you
to my planet?

- Well, my ship
ran out of power,

and I had to make
an emergency landing.

Does your planet have anything
I can use to recharge my ship?

- Well, we used to.

We had a power crystal
that was strong enough

to charge just about anything.

But it was shattered
into five shards

when a mystical tree
fell on it.

And the wind scattered them
across the land.

As princess, it is my duty

to find the five missing shards

and reform the crystal

so that I can bring power
back to my kingdom.

- I'll help you
reform the crystal.

Then we can both
use the power from it.

- Oh, great!
I don't have any shards yet.

But I think I saw one
in the bottom of this pond!

- They look
into the water when...

Lana, you're turn.

- Ooh.Okay.


They look into the water...

[both gasp]

When a big frog jumps out
and splashes them!

He's got a...cool hat!

A red one.
His name is Ri...bbon.

Yeah, Ribbon the frog.
- [ribbets]

- Triton and DeLola ask...

- Did you see
a crystal down there?

- Oh, that really shiny rock?

I ate it.
Now I glow in the dark.

[both groan]

But I know where
another shard is.

I can lead you there.

And when this one, uh,

works its way
through my system,

you can have it too.

both: Ew.
- Follow me.

- Ribbon leads them
into a forest.

But just then, they hear...

Okay, Lunes.
It's all you.

- Awesome.

So, the g*ng heads
deeper into the forest--

- [gasps]

- When all of a sudden...
[thunder booms]

They hear the jamming
of an electric guitar.

- [playing rock music]
[cackling]

- Wow.
She's incredible.

- Look at her guitar!
[gasps]

It's powered
by a crystal shard!

We have to get it from her.

Hello there.

That guitar sure is guitar-y.

But would you be interested

in trading it for
an even better instrument?

- A better instrument?
[scoffs]

Sure, dude.
I'd like to see that.

- [laughs nervously]
Great!

Okay, give us one moment.

DeLola, Triton, and Ribbon

head back
into the forest where...

- Hm?
Oh, right.

So they head
into the forest where

they spot a strange tree.

And hanging off the branches

are all kinds
of wacky instruments.

- [playing rock music]

- Okay, Rock God Lady.

Try playing this.

[tense music]

- Hm.

[instrument blares awkwardly]

Whoa!
This is incredible!

It sounds even better
than my guitar.

- Dude, she would
never say that.

- Hey!
It's my turn.

No interrupting.

- All right.
I'll honor the trade.

Here's the crystal, my dudes.

- [gasps]

This is great!
Come on.

We better keep searching
for the rest.

[off-key notes]
- They head back

into the forest when they
hear a creature flailing.

[all gasp]

And then...
Lisa, your turn.

- So they hear a creature,

and warily approach
a rustling bush.

But then, discover
that the creature is in fact

[all gasp]
- A robot!

Triton jumps into action.

- [groans]

- Thanks for the assist.

I was in search
of crystal shards

when I stumbled
into this bramble patch.

- You're looking for them too?

- Indeed.
I am.

My battery's run down,

and if I don't get a recharge
before sunrise tomorrow,

I will cease to operate.

- You should join our quest.

We already have
two crystal shards

if you count the one
in Ribbon's stomach.

[shard ringing]

Once we find the rest
and reform the crystal,

we can all use it.

- Excellent.
Tally-ho!

All right.

That concludes my contribution.

Lynn?
- Aww, yeah!

Things are about to get real!

Suddenly, the group
find themselves

on a basketball court
in the sky.

Something comes
crashing down so fast,

they can't
even tell what it is!

- [grunting]

Aw, yeah!

- [gasps]
Whoa!

That was crazy.
How are you so fast?

- I've got a secret w*apon.

[crystals buzzing, crackling]

- Crystal shards.

We are in desperate need
of those.

Is there any way
you might surrender them?

- Pfft.
These crystal kicks

give me the speed
I need to succeed.

No way I'm giving them up.

all: Aww.

- What are we going to do?

We need those shards.

- Hmm.
I've got an idea!

We challenge you
to a game of hoops.

First to make it
to three points wins.

And if we win,
we get your shards.

- What's in it for me?

- Hmm.
Uh...

If you win, you can have
all the shards we've collected.

[all gasp]

- [laughing manically]

You're gonna regret
making that offer.

Deal.
[crunch] - Oof.

Okay, now who knows how
to play basketball?

- [groans]

- It's all you, Luce.

- That's when it
came to Triton.

They needed
to summon the spirit

of the best baller ever.

- We summon the ghost
of Dominic Dunkster.

[all gasp]

- Sigh.

- Mr. Dunkster, sir,
can you please help us

b*at an alien
in a dunk contest?

- Anything for my fans.

- All right, large,
athletic, alien bipedal,

let the competition commence!

[upbeat music]

- [laughs]
[grunts]

Yeah!
[airhorn blasts]

- [grunting]

[airhorn blasts]

- [grunting]

[airhorn blasts]

[laughing]

[airhorn blasts]

Huh?
[groans]

Huh?

- Whoa.

[airhorn blasts]

[airhorn blasting]

- What?
How did you guys b*at me?

[groans]

[sighs]

- After noticing
a sad Tricksy,

Triton removes his shoe laces.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Cowboy boots don't have laces.
- Sh.

Let Luce finish her part
of the story, Stink'n.

- Here.
Take these.

They're antigravity
shoelaces.

[upbeat music]

- [gasps]
Whoa.

Thanks, bro.
[grunts]

These are giving me
a ton of air.

- Okay, guys.
Let's go find another shard.

Your turn, Lori.

- Okay.
I've totally got this.

They look around and see...

[all gasp]

- Literally the most
beautiful mermaid

in the entire galaxy.

- Guys, look!

She's charging her phone
with a crystal shard!

Excuse me, Ms. Mermaid.

We've been traveling
all over the planet

collecting shards
of the power crystal,

and we think you have
the last piece we need.

- Without it, I won't
be able to get home.

- And my circuits
will cease to fire.

- And my kingdom
is without power.

Can you please part
with your shard?

- Wow, guys.

What you've been through
is such a bummer.

But I can't give you
my crystal shard.

all: Ugh.

- I'm sorry,
but if I give you my shard,

how am I supposed
to stay connected

to my beloved Boo Boo Bear?

together: What are
we supposed to do now?

- You're up, Leni.

- O-M-Gosh.

This story has gotten,
like, really sad.

Hmm.

Okay.
I'm ready.

The group quickly realizes
that they can't give up.

- The mermaid
only needs enough power

to charge her phone.

What if we provide her

with an alternate source
of electricity?

Mm-mm.
Eureka.

[power tools buzzing]

Behold.
A water wheel.

It will convert the energy
of the flowing water

into an endless
supply of power.

- And I'm assuming you want
the shard in exchange for it?

Well, I do love helping people.

So...I'll do it.

- All right, yes!
- Aww, yeah!

- All right, Lily.
It's all up to you.

- Gah!

- [groaning]

[both cringe]

- Poo-poo.

[triumphant music]

[crystal buzzes]

[battery beeping]

[mechanical beeping]

[electricity buzzing]

- Yeah!
Whoo!

We did it!

[groaning]

- The power just came back on.

Guess we got home
just in time, huh?

Well, kids, feel free
to jump back on

your electronic doo-dads.

all: Eh.
[phones chime]

- You know, this show's
kind of a snoozefest.

- Well, we could
tell another story.

- Stupendous!
- Yeah!

- Let's do it.
- Totally fun!

- Me first!
Me first!

So Tricksy is back
on the basketball court

with that little ghost dude

ready to get some sweet,
sweet payback.

- We already did that.
- Do something else.

- Where's the robot?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[overlapping chatter]

- Okay,
Lift your arms, Boris.

[all clapping]
- Oh, wow.

- So now you're ready
for the afterlife.

- Hey, y'all.

Just wanted to remind everyone

about the annual third grade
field trip tomorrow.

This year we're going to...

[ball whacks]

The beach at Lake St. Byron!

- Yay!
- Woo-hoo!

[all groaning, crying]

- Ugh.
The beach.

- Be sure to pack a lunch
and dress cool.

It's gonna be hotter than my
mama's corn creole tomorrow.

- Emergency Mortician's Club
meeting after school.

We need to discuss
this catastrophic news.

- [groaning]

[spooky music]

♪ ♪

- [grunting]

[yells]
Oh.

Sorry.
I'm still breaking it in.

- My fellow goths,

there's no way
we're going to the beach.

It has everything
we're against.

Sunshine.

[all gasp]
- Ah!

- Sand.
[all gasp]

- And sports.

[all gasp]

- But this field trip
is mandatory.

- That doesn't mean
we can't stop it.

- Wow.
- Here, here!

- Come on.
I've got an idea.

♪ ♪

Principal Huggins.
both: Ah!

- Why spend our third grade
field trip at beach

when we could go someplace
way more educational like

[ dramatic musical sting]

The Royal Woods Museum
of Medical Oddities.

- You don't want to miss
the three-headed goat.

[goats bleat]

[both yell]
- [gags]

[toilet flushing]

[yells]

- Hello again.

- I was thinking

instead of digging
in the hot sand at the beach,

we could dig in the cold dirt

at the cemetery.

[crow squawks]

[crow squawks]
- [yells]

- And can you believe it?

She couldn't get it
out of her nose!

[laughs]

Pfffftt!

- Another thought
on field trips.

Why go somewhere
noisy and bright

when we could go someplace
tranquil and dark

like a morgue?

[both gasps]
- [yells]

- Sorry, kiddos.

We appreciate your very
colorful suggestions,

but the field trip
has been finalized.

And you have got to stop
popping up like this.

You're gonna give your poor
principal a heart att*ck!

together: Sorry.

- Oh, don't look so gloomy.

The beach will be fun.

Besides, a little vitamin D
will do y'all some good.

- What happened?
What happened?

Ah?
Where's my hair?

- Okay.
Plan A failed.

How else can we
stop this nightmare?

What keeps normies
away from the beach?

together: Hmm.

- Ooh!
A swarm of hungry sharks.

[bites]
Ah!

- The lake has no sharks.

What about a thunderstorm?

[keyboard plays thunder clap]
Oh!

- I can cast a spell
on local meteorologist

Patchy Drizzle
and influence his predictions.

but I would need
his big toenail.

- Hmm.

Maybe there's an easier way.

- ♪ Do, do, di, di, di ♪
What?

[rain pouring]
[thunder clapping]

[phone dial-tone]
Cheryl!

Are you seeing this storm?

We can't go to the beach now!

- Sugar, you sound crazier
than a cat on a canoe.

- It's working.

- [whistling tune]

- Uh-oh.

I borrowed Norm's hose
without asking.

Quick!
Corpse mode.

[all groan]

- [whistling]

- Never mind, Cheryl.

Must have been
a surprise shower.

[dramatic sting]

- All aboard!

Next stop,
Lake St. Byron Beach!

[all cheering]

all: ♪ We'll dig in the sand
and swim to the shore ♪

♪ We're going to the beach ♪

♪ We're going to the beach ♪
- Don't despair.

I still have one more idea
for how we can stop this.

- All right, spookies.
Let's go.

[overlapping chatter, laughter]

- Ready, guys?

Just like we practiced.

[wings whooshing]

[all screaming]

- Ah!
Come back with my hair!

- Guess there's no one
to drive us to the beach now.

Sigh.
Field trip cancelled.

[bus horn honks]

- Don't you worry
about them scaredy-cats.

This gal'll get you there.

I used to drive an -wheeler.

[bat squawking]

- Come back here,
you flying rat!

[tires squeal]
Huh?

Cheryl!

- Dang Cheryl
and her can-do attitude.

[upbeat music]

[all cheering]

And the nightmare begins.

[spooky music]

♪ ♪

[both laughing]

- Ugh.

Their cheerfulness
pains my ears.

- How are we ever gonna
survive this field trip?

- I know it's grim, guys.

But we just have
to ride it out.

We'll be safe
if we lurk together in here.

Away from the sun,
sand, and sports.

[all shiver]

[seagull squawking]

- Ugh.
I better go get him.

- Wait!
Here.

Take this for safety.

- [softly] Fangs.
Fangs.

- Watch out!
- Ah!

[together]
Yay!

- Wow.
Nice sh*t, Lucy.

Who knew you were so good
at volleyball?

- Do you wanna play with us?

- Well, that did feel

surprisingly cathartic.

[upbeat music]

Sorry.
I can't.

Come on, Fangs.
Let's go.

[Fangs squeaking]

No more sneaking off like that.

We shouldn't be out here.

We belong in the darkness.

[all groan]

- You're safe?
- You're okay?

- How was it out there?

- So awful.

It was bright and sunny,

and people were flinging around
some kind of sports ball.

- Ugh, I'm so sorry.
- Dreadful.

- Poor Lucy!

- Don't worry.
You're safe here.

Eyeball?

It has a chocolate
retina center.

[Fangs squeaks]

- Seriously, Fangs?

[Fangs squeaks]

What did I just tell you
about sneaking off?

I'll be right back.

[dramatic drum music]

Gasp.

[' s "beach" music]

[panting]

- Oh, no.
- Huh?

- My sand castle.
Aww.

I spent all morning
building it.

- My condolences.

- [crying]
- Sigh.

- [crying]

- Here.

Maybe I can help
build you a new one.

I dig a lot of graves, so
I'm pretty handy with a shovel.

- Wow.
Thanks, Lucy.

[dramatic organ music]

all: Ooh!

- Whoa!
This is amazing.

Hey, do you wanna stay and
build a sand spaceship with us?

- Huh?

[ominous music]

Sorry, I, uh--I can't.

Fangs, get your
furry butt over here.

I know you're having fun,

but I told you before.

We don't belong on the beach.

- Oh, man.
Are you okay?

- That sounds terrible.

- Thanks, guys.

I'm just gonna sooth myself
with some music

and try to forget about it.

[melancholy string music]
Sigh.

- [laughing]
- Hm?

[upbeat music]

[Fangs squeaks happily]

- Gasp.
Bad Fangs!

Not again!

Guess I have to go
back out there.

- Aww, here.
I'll help you.

Bats tend to like my blood.

- No--I mean--save your blood.

I've got this.

[upbeat music]

- There you go.
You got this!

- You can do it!

- You can do it.
Go, go.

- Ooh, limbo.
- Oh, yeah.

- Ooh-wee!

How low can you go, y'all?

[back cracks]
all: Whoa!

- Wow.

- Nice moves, Luce.

We have a winner!

- Lucy's been
out there a while.

I'm beginning to worry.

- We should go check on her.

- She could have melted.

I'll bring a bucket
just in case.

[upbeat music]
- Go, Lucy!

- Woo!
- Yeah, Lucy!

- Lucy?
- [gasps]

[all gasp]
- Gasp!

- Whoa, whoa.
[grunts]

Groan.

- What's going on?

Is this what you've
been doing all day?

Surfing?

- Ah!

- Aw, not just surfing.

Lucy's been doing all kinds
of fun stuff with us.

- You should have seen her
spike the volleyball.

That girl's got skills.

- [grunts]
- [grunts]

Are you like, a normie now?

[keyboard plays
dramatic sting]

- Come on, guys.
Let's go.

- Wait.
Stop.

You don't understand.
[grunts]

♪ ♪

Sigh.

I'm sorry for lying.

But I was worried
that if you found out

I was actually having fun,

you'd be upset.

- Well, we are upset.

I mean, what kind
of goth are you?

You're wearing dolphin print.

- First off,
I borrowed this from Cheryl.

Secondly, I'm the same goth
I've been since birth.

But today, I realized
that just because you're goth

doesn't mean you
can't enjoy the beach.

And I think if all of you
gave it a chance,

you might like it too.

[all gasp, yell]
- My eyes!

Hey.
This isn't so bad.

- Hm.
As a small child,

I dipped my toe
in the Dead Sea.

It was rather refreshing.

[upbeat music]

- [laughing]

[all laughing, squealing]

- [laughing]

[all giggling]

- Huh?

Gasp.
Is this blood orange iced tea?

[Fangs squeaks]
Thanks, guys.

Mm.
- You were right, Lucy.

The beach is fun.

I wonder if any other
normie things are?

Like stickers or the mall.

- Watch out!
- [gasps]

[grunts]

- Wow.
You arereally good.

- Give that back!
It's real horse hair.

- Ha. Ha. Ha ha.
- Hee...hee...hee...

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
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