03x07 - Olsen's Millions

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman!

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

Miss Peabody?

Oh, sakes alive, you must be
Mr. Olsen from the Daily Planet.

Yes, ma'am, I must be.

Can I come in?

Yes, wipe your feet
on the mat and come in.

This is my little family.

This is Topsy, Flopsy,

Mopsy and Popsy and...

Twinkles and Tinkles
and Wrinkles and Sam.

[CHUCKLES] How do you do?

Now that's what I came to
talk to you about, Miss Peabody.

Well, come right over
here, and let's sit down.

[SIGHS] The chief...

I mean Mr. White. Yes.

Wants me to write
a feature article

on how and why
you've spent $5 million

on the care and
feeding of alley cats.

That's exactly the
point, Mr. Peabody.

No, you're Miss
Peabody. I'm Mr. Olsen.

Oh, yes, yes, that's right.

The point is, an alley
is no place for a cat.

"Alley is no place for a cat."

Why, that's exactly
the way I feel about it.

Y-yes, ma'am. [CHUCKLES]

How many cats have you
collected over the years?

Well, I've got a... A
record of every one of 'em

in the safe over there.

Come over, and
I'll show it to you.

Don't you keep this safe locked?

Oh, mercy, no.

I could never remember
the combination.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, I started this
home for homeless cats

about 50 years ago, when
I inherited all this money.

And ever since then,
I've cared for them

like they were my own children.

Jeepers, I... I'd like to take
these home with me if I...

[SCREECHES]

Could! Oh!

Mercy, the safe's locked.

Maybe the tumbler hasn't fallen.

[MEOWING]

Gee, uh...

She acts like there's something
inside there she wanted.

[CAT MEOWING]

Miss Peabody,

I think I hear a cat in there.

Oh, it must be
poor little Topsy.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Why, in just a few
minutes, she'll be suffocated.

Well, can't you remember
the combination?

Oh...

Eighteen to the right.

Uh, o-or...? Or is it the left?

Or is it 19?

You must have it
written down somewhere.

Oh... Oh, yes, I have.

It's on a piece of
paper in the attic.

No, no, it's in the basement.

I'll try to find it.

Oh, poor, little Topsy.

Hey, Clark, the chief
wanted me to get...

[RINGS] Oh, excuse me, Lois.

Daily Planet. Kent speaking.

This is Jimmy, Mr. Kent.

I'm out on that cat story,

and I accidentally locked
one of 'em in the safe.

Well, uh, what do you expect
me to do about it, Jimmy?

Try calling the police.

Oh, there's no time for that.

Couldn't you get
ahold of Superman?

Well, that's a pretty
tall order, Jimmy, uh...

I'll see what I can do.

What's up, Clark?

Oh, nothing, Lois.
Just a little accident.

Excuse me.

[MEOWING]

Don't worry. We'll
get her out of there.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, golly, Superman,

I'd rather see you than
Jimmy Valentine right now.

I can see why, Jimmy. Here.

[MEOWING] [CHUCKLES]

Oh, jeepers, thanks.

Don't thank me.

Thank her nine lives.

She would have used them all
up by now if it weren't for you.

Excuse me.

Now you've got something to
tell your grand-kittens about.

Oh, Mopsy, Mopsy,
Mopsy, darling.

I thought this was Topsy.

Well, it doesn't matter.

You saved her, young
man. You saved her life.

Now... Now, that's
just it. I didn't save her.

I couldn't have pulled
that door off the safe.

Oh, don't be modest,
Mr. Gallagher.

I won't listen to another word.

No, I'm not Mr. Gallagher.

I'm Topsy.

But I thought that...

I mean, I'm Jimmy Olsen.

I think.

Well, names don't matter.

It's deeds that
count, young man.

And just to show
my appreciation,

I'm going to give
you a million dollars.

Now, that would be
very nice except that I...

A million dollars? Mm-hm.

It will be in your name

in the Metropolis National
Bank within an hour.

You seen this, Stacy?

"Cub Reporter Given
a Million Dollars."

Yeah, I seen it, Big George.

I wonder what it's like
to have a million dollars.

Yeah, so do I.

Clark, do you think it's
gonna change him much?

Jimmy? No, Lois, he's
much too levelheaded for that.

Hi, Jimmy.

Well...

How does it feel
to be a millionaire?

Well, um, I'll tell
you, Miss Lane,

it feels kind of, uh, nice.

Here, uh, have
a cigar, Mr. Kent.

I don't smoke, Jimmy.

You have one, Miss Lane?

Oh, I gave up cigars years ago.

Jeepers, how am I gonna
use my new gold lighter

if nobody'll have a smoke?

Well, that's one of the problems
you millionaires have to face.

Well, uh, I'll see
you two later.

I just dropped by to say
hello on my way downtown.

I have so many
things to attend to.

[SIGHS]

A millionaire has
responsibilities, you know.

Well, uh, ta-ta.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, chief.

It's entirely my fault, sir.

We peasants deserve
to be knocked over.

But don't call me "chief."

And where do you
think you're going?

Oh, I rented a new apartment.

I'm gonna go see

if the furniture has
been moved in yet.

Not on my time, you're not.

In that case, I'll have to
turn in my two weeks' notice.

You give me two weeks' notice?

Take it easy, chief.

Remember, I could buy this
paper right out from under you.

Great Caesar's ghost.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[BRITISH ACCENT] How
do you do, sir? I'm Herbert.

No, I don't want any.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, no, sir.

I-I'm the "gentleman's
gentleman"

you advertised for
in the newspapers.

Oh, yes. Won't you
come in, Herbert.

Uh, uh, thank you, sir.

Oh, oh, oh, allow me, sir.

My credentials, sir.

Oh, no, that won't be necessary.

I'm a, uh...

A very keen judge of character.

And... You look keen to me.

Thank you, sir.

If I do say say it,

I am considered
one of the best butlers

in the business.

Well, from now on,
you "buttle" for me.

Thank you, sir. [DOORBELL RINGS]

This place is getting to sound
like Grand Central Station.

Oh, relax, sir. Herbert is here.

Oh, is, uh, Mr. Olsen in?

Uh, I'm sorry, sir.
Mr. Olsen is resting.

It's all right, Herbert.
Let Mr. Kent enter.

Oh. Mm.

Well...

So nice of you to
stop by, old man.

Well, I just thought I'd drop in

to see how the other half lived.

It's not much.

But I call it home.

Nice calling.

Herbert, would you, uh,

fix Mr. Kent and I
some refreshments.

Very good, sir.

The... The kitchen's in there.

Thank you, sir.

Uh, Jimmy, about, uh, Herbert.

Oh, don't worry about Herbert.

He's a genuine
gentleman's gentleman.

Uh, let me show you
around this layout.

See that painting over there?

Yes.

That is a van Gogh.

That is a print.

It's a print. But it's
a van Gogh print.

[CHUCKLING] All right,
Jimmy. It's a van Gogh print.

See this view over here?

Isn't that some view?

Yes, Jimmy, it's very elegant,

but I want to talk to you.

Well, sure, Mr. Kent.

Sit down.

Thank you.

Have a cigar?

I don't smoke, remember?

Your drinks, gentlemen.

Chocolate for you, and
raspberry for Mr. Kent.

Uh, thank you.

Boy, they look swell, Herbert.

[SIGHS]

Once I did a five-year stretch.

Behind the fountain
at Jingle's Drugstore.

Did you say you did
a five-year stretch?

[CHUCKLING] Oh,
just my little joke, sir.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

Now, Clark, what was it you
wanted to talk to me about?

[DOORBELL RINGS]
Well, Jimmy, it's...

Oh, uh, I'll get it, sir.

A Olsen live here?

This is Mr. Olsen's
residence, yes.

Acme Department Store.

I, uh, have some
things he bought.

It's all right, Herbert.
Let him bring 'em in.

Uh, yes, sir.

Wait until you see
this stuff, Mr. Kent.

Everybody's dream
come true, huh?

What?

It's mine, all mine.

Snowshoes?

Sure.

I wanna be prepared
for any emergency.

Jimmy, they don't fit.

JIMMY: Well, it's all right.

Easy.

Come on, bring
on the rest of it.

Take your foot off
my expensive table.

Oh, sorry. I lost my head.

Boxing gloves. I
didn't know you fought.

I don't fight, but I play. Oh.

What are you gonna
do with these oars?

I'm gonna row with them.

[CHUCKLES]

What are you gonna row? My boat.

Oh, no, I don't believe it.

Jimmy, I... It
hasn't even rained.

When are you
expecting the flood?

Look, mister, do
me a favor, huh?

If you ever go shopping
again, try another store.

Jimmy, what are you
gonna do with all this stuff?

I don't know.
Look at it, I guess.

[LAUGHS]

Boy, this being a
millionaire is the greatest.

If the chief could
only see you now.

Time to go, Stacy.

I ain't through
rearranging the dust yet.

It'll keep. Now, get goin'.

Sure, boss.

Don't worry, Big George.

Olsen's million is as
good as in our bag.

Here.

Get goin'!

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Well, Herbert, I
have to hand it to you.

You certainly turn a mean bean.

Thank you, sir.

By the way, sir.

I've stored your things
in the spare room.

Oh, and the boat looks
a fair treat in the bathtub.

Now, Clark, what was it

you wanted to speak
to me about before?

Well, Jimmy, you're
a millionaire now,

and you have to be
more careful of strangers.

Even people like Herbert.

Clark, sometimes I think

you'd be suspicious
even of Superman himself.

Well, I happen to know
Superman a little bit better

than I know Herbert.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

What now?

Yes, sir?

I wanna talk to Mr. Olsen.

Your name, sir?

Stacy Tracy.

Mr. Stacy Tracy to see you, sir.

Show him in.

Mr. Olsen, I'm gonna
make you a rich man.

I'm already a rich man.

Then I'm gonna make you richer.

This I'd like to see.

Here we are.

This drawer is empty, right?

Empty... right.

Now, I have here a
bottle of genuine seawater.

From the sea.

That's the best place

to get it from, I suppose.

STACY: Heh, I pour
the seawater in the box.

Then I add two drops of
my secret settling formula.

One, two.

There we are.

[EXPLOSIONS]

There we are, Mr. Olsen:

the secret of the ages.

Gold. Gold from seawater.

Mr. Kent. Look,
Mr. Kent, he did it.

He did it.

Just what do you
expect Mr. Olsen here

to do about this?

Fifty thousand dollars.

That's all I need to
build a huge converter.

Is that all? How can I lose?

Pardon me, sir. I
wouldn't do that.

Tell this creep to get lost.

Yes, what is it, Herbert?

If you'll pardon the expression,
sir, this here gentleman

is attempting to take you over.

I resent that. Undoubtedly.

Hey, let go of me.

You see?

Small bag of
imitation gold flakes,

which he cleverly
drops into the drawer.

Herbert, do you duty.

With pleasure, sir. Hey,
you can't do this to me.

Hey, wait a minute.
You can't do this to me.

Hey, let go! Let go! Leave!

Well-done, Herbert.

Thank you, sir. We try.

From now on, Herbert,
anything you say goes.

Thank you, sir.

All I ask is your confidence.

Well, it looks like I was
wrong about Herbert.

Oh, by the way, do you mind

dropping me off
at the Planet office.

Hello, Big George.

Don't hello me. How did it go?

What's the matter, don't you
have any confidence in me?

Confidence I got in myself.

For you I got the same
question: Now, how did it go?

Perfect, Big George.

Just perfect.

Herbert?

I really shouldn't
have left work

after you dropped Clark
off, but this is worth it.

Well, it's someplace
to hang my hat.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Herbert. Yes, sir?

Hang my hat.

Uh, sir, something
happened while you was gone.

Later, Herbert. I wanna show
Miss Lane around the apartment.

Uh, but Superman was here, sir.

Superman? Here?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

And, uh, he left
this for you, sir.

Well, for heaven's
sakes, open it.

"Dear, Jim:

"Get whatever is left of
the million dollars in cash,

"and meet me at the last house

"on Valley Street in Pinehurst.

"Hurry. There's no time to lose.

I will explain later."

"Signed, Superman."

But, Jim, how do we know
this is really from Superman?

Well, if Herbert says so,
that's good enough for me.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Well, I'm going to call Clark

and see what he knows about it.

No, Miss Lane, we... We
don't have any time for that.

It'll only take a minute.

Herbert, how long
ago did this come?

Half an hour, sir.
[PHONE DIAL CLICKING]

Go down and get the car ready.

We'll be right out. Yes, sir.

Tillie? Give me
Mr. Kent's office.

Oh, he's not in?

Well, when he comes
back, tell him Jimmy and I

have gone to Pinehurst
to meet Superman.

That's right, Pinehurst.

Here they come. Now,
get away from the window.

Come in.

You're late.

Where's Superman?

We're supposed to meet him here.

There's been a
little slip-up, kid.

Slip-up? Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

That's the guy that tried to
sell me the gold machine.

Come on, we're
getting out of here!

Not yet, I'm sorry.

Herbert.

Jim, this looks like one
time the butler actually did it.

But why did it have
to be my butler?

Give me that.

Give me the key, kid.

I left the key at the bank
where I picked up the strongbox.

I figured if this thing
were really on the level,

Superman could
rip the lock open.

The money is in
there, Big George.

I saw them go into
the bank myself.

Now, wait a minute,
fellas. We can talk this over.

Have a cigar, Herbert?

Have a cigar?

Have a cigar.

Okay.

Herbert, you know
what to do with them.

Stacy and me
will meet you later.

Very good, sir.

He said, "You know
what to do with us."

Do you? I'm afraid so, ma'am.

On your way.

Tillie, you must have
been hearing things.

Why would they go to
Pinehurst to meet Superman?

All right.

Thanks very much.

[♪♪♪]

Well, there's nothing like
the short and happy life

of a millionaire.

And to think I trusted you.

That was the whole idea, sir.

I had to gain your confidence

so as you'd believe
anything I said.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself,

taking advantage
of a brainless boy.

Miss Lane, please.

What do you
intend to do with us?

Oh, just lock you in here.

These walls are
all lined with lead,

so as even Superman
couldn't see through 'em.

That is, if he knew
where to look for you.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Jimmy, it's no use.
[AIR WHOOSHING]

This place is like a vault.

Hey, wait a minute, Miss Lane.

Do you hear something?

It's Superman.

He's somewhere near.

Hm, but near isn't close enough.

He's never gonna find us.

We've got to attract
his attention someway.

What's that got to do with it?

It must be a ventilator shaft.

Fine, so we've got fresh air.

Now all we need
is food and water

for the next 100 years.

Jimmy, if we could get enough
smoke going up this shaft...

It would look like one
million other chimneys.

But we could send smoke
signals in Morse code.

Golly, Miss Lane, that's great.

I didn't know you
knew Morse code.

I don't. I thought you
used to be a Boy Scout.

I never got beyond Tenderfoot.

[SIGHS]

Hey, but I do remember
the code for SOS.

It's...

three dots, three
dashes and three dots.

Wonderful.

If Superman saw that, he'd
know something was wrong.

But, golly, Miss Lane, we
don't have anything to burn.

Even my shirt's wet.

Do you remember what
happened at the bank, Jim?

Just to play it safe, we
left the money box empty,

and it's all in here.

Oh, oh, you don't mean...

You mean...?

It's your money, Jim.
What do you say?

Well, I guess I
could spare a little.

Well, there's 20,000.

Nothing like having
money to burn.

This chain must open and
close the ventilator shaft

like a damper on a stovepipe.

So if we work it
like a telegraph key,

we'll be able to send our SOS.

Yeah, that's right.

Here, take that.

Well...

There goes 10 years'
pay up in smoke.

Oh, that's not gonna
attract anybody.

Well, give me another 50,000.

[KISSES]

Goodbye, General Grant.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, let's face it.

This has gotta be
a million-dollar fire.

You do it, Miss Lane.

I could never forgive myself.

We've been tricked.

I'm gonna teach that girl and
that kid a lesson. Come on.

[SIGHS]

It's okay. You can look now.

There goes
approximately five million

chocolate ice cream sodas.

Up... in smoke.

Oh, you know what they say:

Money can't buy happiness.

Yeah, but think how
comfortably I could have suffered.

Well, you better get
busy with that chain,

or you won't have
any money or the SOS.

Dot, dot, dot.

Please, Superman,
don't go away yet.

[♪♪♪]

[WHOOSHING]

Jimmy, listen.

Oh, Superman, are
we glad to see you.

Thanks for the smoke signal.

Hiawatha himself couldn't
have done any better.

Superman!

Those are the guys.

[g*nshots]

[COCKS r*fle]

Herbert, turn in your
uniform. You're fired.

All I want to know, sir,
is how did he find out?

When you have
enough money, Herbert,

you can do lots of things.

And, so, Mr. White, sir,

if you please give
me my job back,

I promise never to act
like a millionaire again.

You promise never to
call me "chief" again?

Never to call you "chi..."

Never again.

All right. Report for
work in the morning.

Oh, golly, thank you, chief.

What did you call me?

I... I...

Nothing.

I, uh... I'll see you
in the morning, sir.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, um, Mr. Kent...

Yes, Jimmy?

Could, um...?

Could I please borrow 15
cents for bus fare from you?

Why, sure, Jimmy.
Here's a quarter.

Just don't use it to
hire a butler, will you?

No, no, I won't.

Thank you.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.