01x04 - It Was Never About the Corn

[bunniefuu]

- Okay.
- Mm, okay.

Now, I'm just gonna
flip it to the other side.

Perfected corner, okay.

- Want to do this part?
- Yes.

The satisfaction of folding it.

Do you want to know your future?

- How does it work?
- Watch carefully. Pen.

Here.

- Who do you want to marry?
- Gross.

Not right now, doofus.

When you grow up.

Batman.

You're such a dweeb.

What? I'm sorry
he's not Kirk Cameron.

Everybody's sorry
they're not Kirk Cameron.

Who else?

How about the guy
from Dirty Dancing?

- Mom won't let us watch that.
- Oh.

- I got it.
- What is it?

How about ALF?

No.

You're so marrying ALF.

- Not at all.
- Okay,

this is the number
of kids you'll have.

One, two,

three, or 100.

Do I have to have kids?

- Ugh, the future sucks.
- We'll see.

Only the fortune teller
really knows.

Pick a color.

Pink.

P-I-N-K. Pick a number.

Hm... Three.

One, two, three.

Aw...
...too bad and so sad.

You're the future Mrs. ALF.

- Ugh.
- And you're going to have

100 ALF babies.

No, I don't even like ALF,

and I don't think it's possible
to have 100 babies.

It says it right here.

Okay, your turn.

Pick a color.

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Sorry about this.

Fu...

For the last 14 years,

the farm has been home
to this vital STF asset.

I've been tasked with
maintaining and keeping it ready

for the mission that Heck
and Naldo would come here to do.

What on earth was their mission?

Don't touch that.

Sorry.

Uh, the capsule
that brought the girls

from 1988, that was, uh...

uh, a lifeboat.

This is a battleship,

and I need you to drive it.

No.

Yeah.

No, no...

- Hell, no. Wh...
- Erin, hey.

You have to pilot it.

You're the one
that it's paired to.

Well, then un-f*cking-pair it.

You honestly expect me to drive
some gigantic Transformer?

Oh, oh, you must be
out of your g*dd*mn mind.

Just listen to me, listen to me.

If we can get it to '99,
the STF will be there.

They can help the girls
get home and, more importantly,

they can finish this w*r

once and for all.

Wait,

that robot's a time machine?

One, I'm not
taking them to a w*r zone

for some secret mission.

I don't care how important
it is, they're 12.

You remember 12, Larry?

'Cause I sure as hell do,
and it sucked

hard enough without having to
worry about getting k*lled in

robo future battles or whatever.

And, two, even if

they did get back
to where they belong,

how would I get home
in that scenario?

Yeah, yeah, you see? Exactly.

The answer is no.

Hell no.

Larry's right.

- Thank you.
- Excuse me?

Heck or Naldo told me,
"Find Underground."

Home.

Don't you understand?
Larry is obviously

the "Underground"
we were supposed to find,

and that robot is what's
gonna take us home.

That robot's going to 1999.

- So, drop us off on the way.
- It's not a school bus,

and I'll be damned if I'm
gonna blow the '99 mission.

But if we went back to '88,

couldn't you just save
Heck and Naldo from ever

dying in the first place?
Wouldn't that solve everything?

I-I wish it were that easy.

Why can't it be?

You save Heck and Naldo,
and then

they take the robot to '99
to finish their mission.

And then you

and Old Erin over here
come right back to 2019

in that space capsule
time machine they have, right?

Like you said, Larry,

I hold the keys.

I'm the pilot, not you.

And I'm...

I'm taking them home.

Okay.

Okay, it-it-it might work.

This is great.

Yes.

KJ...

What now?

We have to go find Mac. What?

- We do.
- Well, she left us.

Okay, y-you guys,
j-just wait, everyone, um...

Just to be clear, uh,
I'm not cool with "Old Erin,"

and, second of all,

I-I have no clue
how to drive that thing.

Well, let's hope
you're a fast learner

because we have one sh*t
to leave tonight.

Welcome to the Underground.

We leave in six hours.

Ha!

Ah!

Aw, crap.

Are you okay?

You assh*le.

Oh, you could've put my eye out.

Next time, I will.

Do you know what would make
this day even better?

What?

If you'd quite being
such a tight-ass

and buy me some smokes.

Ha, ha. Absolutely not.

Come on.
I'm already dead, right?

It's not like
they're gonna k*ll me.

Yes, they will.
And, no, you're not.

You're the one who got me hooked
in the first place.

- I did not.
- Bullshit.

You don't remember?

We were in Nugget's backyard,

and you guys were trading
Chinese throwing stars.

It was a Marlboro red,
and you punched me

'cause I didn't inhale it right.

God, I was such a d*ck.

No duh.

I'm serious.
I shouldn't have done that.

It's no big deal.

Probably would've done
the same thing.

No. I...

Now that I have kids, I...

I realize how...

rough our childhoods were.

Lots of the stuff
we dealt with was...

unacceptable, Mac,

especially the v*olence.

You know that, right?

- I guess so.
- And I'm not just talking about Dad,

it was me, too.

I shouldn't have bullied you.

I owe you an apology.

That must've been really hard
for you. I'm sorry.

If there's... anything
you want to talk about,

anything I forgot, any...

feelings you want to get out,
I'm available.

You can tell me anything.

Mac?

Yeah, well...

I guess there is one thing.

I just keep wondering

when did you become
such a gigantic gay-wad?

You can't say that anymore.
It's offensive.

Dad had a lot of things wrong.

It's on me and you to do better.

Sorry.

Well, what the hell
can I say, then?

Hm, well,

"m*therf*cker" is
still a classic.

Taint face,
f*ck-knuckle, ball sack.

- sh*t-eater?
- Yeah, sh*t-eater works.

Well, then, in that case,

do your fancy
hospital friends know that

your real name is Dr. Dildo,
the taint face sh*t-eater?

Course they do.

What do you think it says
on all my business cards?

Does Dad know you're rich?

He knows I'm a doctor.

Where is he now, anyway?

Last I heard,
a trailer park in Florida.

We don't really talk anymore.

And you named your kid
Alice, huh?

I did.

Once you were diagnosed,

Alice never left your side.

And... afterward,

she was the only one
who was there for me.

I guess this is finally my sh*t
to be here for you.

Okay, let's see what this is.

Uh, it says it's
syncing the computers

to my vestibulo-ocular reflexes.

That's your equilibrium.

It must be using
your eyes and ears to

reset the system's orientation
when we jump through time.

You got to make sure you keep us
upright upon reentry, okay?

Everything else
should be set to autopilot.

I mean, we can even
fly like that.

Fly?

Yeah. Let's hope
it doesn't come to that.

- Yeah, what does this button do?
- Don't touch that!

Jesus Christ.
This is a w*r machine, okay?

It's-it's-it's not a plaything.

Oh, God, L-Larry, Larry.

It says I armed the missiles.

- What? Are you serious?
- No.

Not at all.

That's not funny.

- Just f*cking with you.
- No.

It's not even
a little bit funny.

You have no idea
what's at stake here.

Yeah, yeah, it's the fate
of humanity, I get it.

Look, I need you to listen
for two seconds, okay?

I understand that it's
some abstract thing for you,

but it's not for me.

And if you f*ck up,

and you accidentally touch
one of the wrong buttons,

we all die.

Okay?

Okay.

- I'm sorry.
- You should be.

Now, are you ready to start
acting like an adult again?

Fantastic.

Then let's move to the glove.

Slide your hand in,
move it around.

Holy sh*t.

Th-That... that's amazing.

Yeah.

You should only need to use this

if we have to go manual.
Like, uh,

if we land inside of a building
or something.

Land inside a building?

It's unlikely, but yes.

We should be fine either way,

assuming you're even
a mildly decent pilot,

which feels like it might be...
I don't know...

An unrealistic expectation
at this point. But...

That's well played.

L-Larry, I-I have to take this.

Well, we're
definitely gonna die.

Okay, I know, I'm sorry,
I missed it. I-I just...

I-I know I should've
called you back.

I've just been really,
um... busy.

I'm standing in your
living room right now.

What? Y...
You went to the house?

Yes. That's what happens
when you don't show up

to sell our mother's house

and refuse to answer
any of my calls.

I drove all the way up
from Columbus,

and you can't even be bothered
to drive five minutes

to the real estate office.

What's going on?

Where are you?

Uh...

It's kind of hard to explain.

Are you in trouble?

Just... tell me,
I'll come to you.

Uh, no,
Larry wouldn't like that.

Who's Larry?

Okay, tell me where you are,

or I'm calling the cops.

Okay, okay, just hold on.

Hey, hey, Larry, what's your...
what's your address?

What?

The child came in last night,

and we had a-a brief interaction

before a family member arrived, and...

I released her to his custody.

I understand,

but the file's incomplete,

and our department cannot allow
things like this

to slip through the cracks.

Yes, of course. It's just,

as far as I can gather,
this is a very

compromising situation

for one of our doctors.

Look,
I don't want to get anybody

in trouble here, you know that,

but I got to complete
the file, right?

Why don't you just
give me an address,

and I'll just pop over
for a very discreet follow-up,

no drama, just...

colleague to colleague.

Hey, Glen, uh, can you,

uh...

Can you give me some information

on Dr. Coyle?

I am seen,

and I am worthy.

Emotionally, I'm gonna win.

And in my life...

I'm gonna win.

Huh? Hey. What...

Wh-Wh-What are you
doing down here?

It's just Missy's
actually coming here.

- Is she a doctor now?
- No, uh, pilot.

Helicopters. The m*llitary
paid for her school and stuff.

Whoa!

Didn't see that coming, um...

Yup. She's a real hero.

But don't get too excited, okay?
She can't see you.

She already thinks I'm nuts.

I just think it's great
that you guys

have a chance to fix everything.

We're not fixing anything.

We're just finishing up
some business

with the house, that's it.

Okay, well, you-you have to try.

You can't erase 20 years
of resentment in one afternoon.

- 20 years...
- Okay, you're stressing me out.

Just...

Just get out of here, will ya?

Don't you remember the time

we accidentally slammed
Missy's fingers on the car door,

and she flipped out
until we sang that dumb song

with Mandarin cuss words?

Uh, no.

Because...

Okay.

You just need to find
the adult version of that.

There is no adult version
of that, okay?

And, besides, Missy,
she's-she's not the same person

she was when you knew her.

Well, what do you mean?

Look, um...

I take no pleasure
in telling you this, but...

Missy wasn't exactly
there for us when Mom got sick.

I-I know that that's a lot,
and I-I promise

that we can talk about it later,
but right now, I just

need you to go upstairs
with the other girls

and stay out of sight.

Hey.

We can't f*ck this up.

Okay?

- Okay.
- Let's go. Come on.

Mr. Larry?

Excuse me, Mr. Larry?

Mr. Larry, before you get mad,
I have something for you.

Bongos?

It's not...

It-It's none of your business.
You have ten seconds.

Great. So, since we've decided
to back to 1988,

I've been tracking all of the
events of the morning we left.

Every STF encounter, including

times and locations.

I think I even found
our optimal entry point.

- Bring it here.
- Okay.

This is where everything froze
and the sky went pink?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what happens
when the Old Watch

wipes people's minds
and-and "fixes" everything.

It's called Ablution.

Wow. Ablution?

It's not a good thing.

Wait, why weren't
our minds wiped, then?

I don't know,
you must've somehow

avoided the beam.
It-It's light-based,

their capture mechanism,

at least to the extent
that we understand it. Th...

The actual mind wiping takes
place on their command ship.

Well, thanks for this, um...

Tiffany.

Tiffany Quilkin.

Thanks, Tiffany.

You're welcome.

Smart kid.

I think I'll be able
to see her from here.

Well, aren't you supposed
to stay out of sight?

Maybe your sister's
just a bitch and...

- Hey!
- What?

Erin, you're already messing
with your own life,

don't go messing up
Missy's, too.

Okay, is that why you've never
mentioned seeing yourself?

I don't know.

Seriously, though.

I guess I just
don't really care.

Okay, you don't care...
That's impossible.

It's not impossible
'cause I don't care, okay?

If my mother got her way,
I turned out

exactly how she wanted me to,

and I don't need to see that.

I hate this room.

What are you doing?
You just told me

to stay out of sight.

I found a way to Mac.

Really?

Yeah, I used Larry's computer,

and I found
her brother's address.

The way old-you showed us.

You can do that?

Yeah, they've got, like,
maps and everything. It's crazy.

I won't tell if you don't.

So, listen,
I've been thinking about

how this will work,

making you a permanent part
of the family and everything.

One day, in a couple of weeks,

we'll get some bad news
about Jo's mom.

She has a nasty relapse,

she disappears, and...

then I'll have the adoption talk
with Jennifer.

Adoption?

- So you'd be my dad?
- Uh...

Man, that's weird.

Yeah, yeah, it's super weird.

But it won't always be.

We'll get used to it.

Soon enough, we'll enroll you
here at Buttonwood.

We'll-we'll get you,
uh, a tutor,

so you can catch up
with your grade level.

We'll... we'll find you
some extracurriculars.

Well, that sure seems like
a lot of work for a dead person.

You're not a dead person.

I want you to stop saying that.

Okay, Dad.

Hey, hey, hey, guys.

Hey, I want you
to meet somebody.

This is, uh,

this is my cousin,
second cousin.

Why is she wearing
my leather jacket?

Because I loaned it
to her, honey.

- Sorry.
- Well, I wish you'd asked.

Please, just get in the car,
and we can talk about it, okay?

Oh, hi.

I'm Alice.

Hi.

All right, hop in.

So, how'd you two meet, again?

Uh, you know, we...

Just... It's funny,
we-we ran into each other,

and, um, and then just,
sparks flew.

I-I guess I really, um...

- knocked her off her feet.
- Oh.

- Mm.
- Hey.

- I love you.
- I love you, Larry.

Yeah. Thank you.

So, I guess you know all about
our mother's death, then?

Of course he does.

He can't speak for himself?

No, I-I can. I can, of course.

Uh, and I-I-I'd
just like to say, um...

...sounds like she
put up a good fight.

Uh, I'll just

let you two ladies chat.

- It was so nice to meet you, Misty.
- Um, Missy.

Missy. Right.

Sorry.

g*dd*mn it.

g*dd*mn it!

Uh...

Oh, mama!

So, you're a f*cking bike thief.
These f*cking kids!

These f*cking kids.

Is he taking your money?

Jesus... No.

He's my boyfriend.

I mean, is it really so weird
I'd have a boyfriend?

Missy, why are you grilling me?

I'm an adult.
I can do whatever I want.

Are you still taking your meds?

D-Did you really
just ask me that?

It's a legitimate question.

- Yes, Missy, I'm taking my meds.
- Okay.

I'm also
taking care of, literally,

everything else.

Including packing up
our family home

without asking you to lift
so much as a f*cking finger.

And now you're holed up on some
farm with a man who's clearly

unstable in some way,

and you don't even
show up this morning.

That's what this is all about,

the money for the house.

You know it's not
about the money.

Do I?

I need your help.

What the hell
are you doing in here?

Sorry, I just...

I need, I need to talk to you.

I told you to stay out of sight.

I, um...

I forgot my bag. I need...

Yeah.

Thanks.

Um, Missy, it's...

It's been a tough year.

I wish you would've reached out.

Well, you have... kids,

and a career, and a husband.

I mean, th-there was
no need for both of us

to go through all that.

I didn't ask you
to spare me, Erin.

Are you mad about that?

No. I just

never asked you to be a martyr.

Well, I-I'm not a martyr, but...

Mom needed care
around the clock.

Believe me, I did you a favor.

- A favor?
- Yeah.

A pretty big one, if you ask me.

Okay, so I guess
you'd like a thank you, then?

- I never said that.
- You didn't have to.

I know that's what you're
waiting for, so here it is.

Thank you, Erin,
for robbing me of a relationship

with my mother
in her final years.

How can I ever repay you?

Missy...

Come on, I never...

You know I never meant
to do that.

It doesn't matter
what you meant. It's done.

Jesus Christ.

Of course you're not
where you're supposed to be.

I'm sorry.

Hey, you know your friend?

The one who stole my bike?

You're probably
never gonna see her again.

I know. I-I tried to stop her,
but nobody listens to me.

The Old Watch kills
time travelers, okay?

Do you get that?

I do.

But I don't want her
to die, okay?

I-I don't want any of us to die.

I...

I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't
have shouted at you. Uh...

We've only got
a couple of hours,

- and I'm just scared.
- It's fine.

Hey, do you want to see
something cool?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

Must've been a couple years

younger than you when
my grandfather informed me

I wasn't getting a free ride.

What does that mean?

The Radakowski Farmer's Almanac.

It's basically a bible
of every detail

regarding weather conditions
here on the farm.

If my grandfather
hadn't kept me here

and forced me

to log every...

...light breeze and-and-and
drop of boring rain,

I'd have never been prepared

to do this.

I don't understand any of it.

That's because I encoded
the information to keep it safe.

Coordinates showing

exactly where and when
the foldings occur.

Wait, what's a folding?

The secret back roads
of time travel.

- And we took one of those here?
- Mm-hmm.

This one here.
This is the big enchilada.

It opens in just
a few hours now,

right out there in that field,

and I've been waiting

a long time for this one.

Whoa.

I spent so long hating
every acre of this farm,

and my grandfather,

and the responsibility,
and the corn, but...

...it was never about the corn.

It's like you were chosen.

I was.

Maybe that means
that I was chosen, too.

Yeah, maybe.

Can I help you?

Oh, um...

I'm-I'm really sorry.
I'll just, um...

I was just looking for
my friend, and she's not...

Oh, uh, uh, Kimberly.

- I'm sorry...
- Oh, no, sorry, sorry. I mean, I mean Jo.

I-I forgot, her friends
always call her Jo.

Uh, right.

Jo. Um, is she staying here?

She is. Uh, r-right now,

she's down the street
at the Chili's with her cousins.

- Okay, um...
- Well, uh, do you want...

Do you want to come inside
and wait for her?

You know, maybe have
a glass of water?

- Um...
- They should be back soon.

- Okay. Yeah, um...
- Okay.

Come on.

So, you hungry?
I could make some kale chips.

Uh... um,

what are kale chips?

You know what?

You're right.
It's a terrible idea.

So...

you drove all the way
out here, huh?

Um, yeah, uh...

Jo and I got into
a bit of a fight,

and I felt really bad about it,

so I wanted to apologize to her,

but when I went to,
I couldn't find her, so...

It's nice of you
to come all this way.

Especially with everything
that's going on with her family.

I know it's gonna
mean the world to her

to see a familiar face.

She's a great kid, you know?

I'm glad she's got
a girlfriend like you.

What? Um...

No, I'm not her girlfriend.
No. We're just...

We're just regular friends,
you know?

Normal. Normal friends.

Um...

We're not even that close,
so it's not...

It's not like that,
um, we're not, uh...

Yeah. That's what I meant,
just a girl who's a friend.

- Yeah.
- But don't listen to me. I'm ancient.

I don't know what you call
each other anymore.

Um...

Do you think
we could call Chili's

to see when they'll be back?

- Can I help you?
- Hi, I'm Larissa.

My husband and I just moved
into the tan colonial

around the corner.

Oh. Hi, Larissa.

I-I didn't even realize
it was for sale.

I'm just making the rounds.
We're apologizing

for our two very loud dogs.
I hope you like

- salted caramel blondies.
- Oh, wow.

They're gluten and dairy-free.

- Really?
- Of course. What do I look like?

Some kind of monster?

I hate to ask, but do you mind
if I use your restroom?

Oh, no, no, yeah.
Of course not. Come on in.

Hey!

Where is she going?

Why do we have to come here?

These portion sizes
are a crime against humanity.

You know, I bet
you could feed an entire

homeless shelter
with what they throw away.

Just try it.
You never know,

you might like it.

Guys, look. They're almost
the size of my face.

Stop it.

- You're embarrassing yourself.
- What? You afraid

your private school friends
are gonna see her?

Oh, please.
My friends do not come here.

So, Wilder, how was
practice this morning?

Oh, it was great.
I finally nailed my sit spin.

Heck, yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.

So...

do you have to wear a leo-tard

when you sit and spin?

Ice skating happens to be
a very demanding sport, Jo.

Yeah, so, what'd you do today?

Besides bite my style.

- Wilder.
- Oh, let's see.

So, it started with me
and Dr. Dildo, over here,

sh**ting off illegal fireworks,

then he took me on
a shopping spree,

but then the clock struck 3:00,
and he suddenly

turned back into a total prick.

So, here we are.

Come with me.

Hey. What the hell
are you doing?

What am I doing?
I'm standing up for myself,

and in case you forgot,
you're not my actual dad.

No, but I am their dad,
and we don't talk to each other

- like that in my house.
- Why are you acting like such a p*ssy?

I don't even know
who you are right now.

Would you cut me some slack?
I'm trying to step up here.

And what was that lame-ass
apology about this morning?

It's like you got rich,

you had a family, and now
you're ashamed of me.

And you want me to feel bad
about myself, too,

but guess what? I don't.

I like who I am,
and I sure as sh*t

like the old version of you

a whole lot better
than this limp d*ck

dipshit standing in front of me.

I'm still the old me, Mac,

but I'm this me now, too.

I can't help that I grew up.
Life happened, and, yeah,

I've changed, but that doesn't
mean that I'm ashamed of you.

Far from it.

I love you,

and I'm your older brother.

Nothing will ever change that.

Look, this is bat sh*t crazy,
there's no getting around it.

But-but...

we're gonna figure it out.

Because we have something
that most people never get,

a second chance.

And there's no way in hell
I'm gonna waste it

by not giving you
the life you deserve.

Come here.

Hey, I'm gonna use
the john real quick.

I'll meet you back at the table.

Don't fall in.

- We have to go, we have to go. We have to get out of here.
- What are you doing here?

- I'm not going anywhere with you.
- You have to.

I am not leaving.

Listen to me, we found
a way back to 1988.

- Wh-What?
- We have to go tonight.

This is our only sh*t.

- KJ, I want to stay here.
- You don't understand,

that future lady m*rder*r
is after us.

I saw her
at your brother's house,

and she's got to be
on her way here right now.

What?

An "A" in science?

All right. Okay,
so tell me about school.

- Mr. Jonas got fired.
- What? Why?

Sorry, but if you
want them to live,

we have to go right now.
Come on.

We have to hurry.

Party of one?

Larry, we-we-we can't just leave

the other two girls here.

You know, th-they could
still be alive.

A-And don't
give me any of that, like,

sacrifices of w*r
bullshit, please.

You think I want
to put them in danger?

I mean, they'd probably
all be safer staying here.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means there's
no good choice here,

it's dangerous either way.
Once you and I

are out of our own time line,

we're detectable
by the Old Watch.

And, like you said, they're 12.

Please, tell me this isn't
the first time you've noticed.

I'm serious. You're right.

They're kids.

I'm not sure
they can fully comprehend

what they're getting
themselves into.

Well, of course they can't
fully comprehend it, but...

they got this far
on their own, didn't they?

And besides...

...what's the alternative?

Where the hell are they?

They're not gonna make it.

Larry says the folding
is only open for ten minutes.

Oh, sh*t.

Damn.

A folding in time.

Time to go!

Did you see that?

- Oh, my God, it's them!
- It's Mac and KJ.

Are you okay?

- We thought you were dead.
- Oh, my God, you idiots. - Let's go.

We're almost there.

We're almost there.
Just get to the folding.

Ah!

It's not that I'm mad,

I'm just...

...disappointed.