05x02 - Tin Hero

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman.

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

You sent for us, boss?

You bet I did. Where were you?

Well, chief, we just

got in here this minute.

What's the matter?
Something special?

No. Nothing special.
That's just the trouble.

Read that headline.

Yes.

"Mayor seeks reelection."

So? So, what's wrong with that?

So, is that anything
to sell newspapers?

Who cares whether Mayor
Fredericks runs again.

Well, chief, we don't
create the news,

we just write it, you know.

I'll admit, it's been
a very quiet week.

Quiet?

We're putting gardening
news on the front page.

People are going
to get out of the habit

of buying newspapers.

This is a big city.

There must be
something of interest.

Well, maybe we've
done our job too well.

What, with our exposés of crime,

and, uh, wonderful
work by our police,

maybe there isn't any
crime left in Metropolis.

I wish you were right.

If that were the case,

I wouldn't mind if
the circulation fell off.

But you know we've
just made a dent.

Crime is still going on.

Why don't we know about it?

But we've chased down every tip

and covered every
assignment you've sent us on.

Obviously that's not enough.

From here on, the three
of you are on your own.

You mean, we're fired?

In your case, that
might not be a bad idea.

You mean, roving assignments,

huh, chief?

That's right. Split
up. Poke around.

Investigate everything
that looks odd or suspicious.

Too bad Superman isn't around.

Then we could get
some real coverage.

Hey.

Where are you going?

Well, I lost the heel
off my shoe, Lois.

I thought I'd
better get it fixed.

Have you got any ideas, chief?

You're supposed
to be a reporter.

You get the ideas.
And don't call me chief.

[♪♪♪]

Now, get out and circulate.

And bring me back a story
that will sell newspapers.

[g*nshots]

[g*nsh*t]

[ALARM RINGING]

[BYSTANDERS CHATTERING]

I got it, chief.

I've saved the Daily Planet.

What is it this time, Olsen?

Pictures of
get-the-cat-out-of-the-tree

detail again? No, sir, chief.

A bank robbery at
Federated Savings and Loan.

PERRY: Really?

You were there?
You've got pictures?

Better than that.

You can phone the headline down:

Private citizen foils
armed bank robbery.

What?

Sure. I was walking
down the street

when this guy comes out
of the bank f*ring a g*n.

And then this other guy comes up

and almost jumps him...

Hey, wait. Wait just a minute.

I wanna take this down. Here.

[SIGHS]

Ladies and gentlemen
and fellow reporters,

you all know what
a great instinct

that I have for news.

Just the story, Olsen.

Oh, sure.

Well, I was walking
down the street

with this great instinct
for news that I have,

when suddenly, "Bang, bang!"

I heard sh*ts from in the bank.

This guy comes out of the
bank f*ring a g*n as he runs.

Then this other guy comes
from nowhere, and get this,

jumps the bank robber.

Jumps a desperate
criminal f*ring a g*n

and wrestles him
to the sidewalk.

You actually got
pictures of all this?

Step by step. Right
from the beginning.

Jimmy, we're proud of you.

[WHISPERS] Wait a minute.

As Al Jolson used to say:

"You ain't heard nothing yet."

This joker not only
gets the criminal

down on the sidewalk,

but he's got a rope
and starts to tie him up,

when the bank guard comes
out and collars the crook.

Jimmy, you're sensational.

Jimmy, you're a rotten reporter.

What? Do you know
what a good reporter

would have done?

Well, just what I did.

Get the story
and get it straight.

What would you have done, Kent?

Well, I might have brought
the hero up here to the office

for an exclusive
byline interview.

Exactly.

Voilà.

Meet Frank Smullins,

the hero of the hour,

whom I have just brought here

for an exclusive
byline interview.

Mr. Smullins...

Meet my associate, Mr. White.

Nice meeting you, Mr. Smullins.

And it's good to know
there are still men left

with an inbred
sense of civic duty.

Well, thank you, Mr. White.

But you see, as I was
trying to tell Mr. Olsen...

Uh... And these are
two of my best reporters.

Clark Kent. How do you do?

PERRY: Lois Lane. How do you do?

It's really a thrill
meeting you two.

I read your
stories all the time.

It's an even greater
thrill to meet you, sir.

Especially after we
heard what you'd done.

Oh, i-it was nothing, really.

"Nothing," he says.

Jumping an armed
hoodlum, single-handed.

Now, Mr. Smullins,

will you tell us in
your own words

just what happened.

Well...

I was walking along the street,

when suddenly I
hear this sh**ting.

I looked up and I saw this man

running out of the
bank with a g*n.

What were you doing by the bank?

Well, I-I was on my lunch hour.

I was just taking a walk.

Uh, I'm a bookkeeper
at Simmons & Sons.

Simmons & Sons?

Why, that's more than
a mile from the bank.

I know. But I... I s...

I sort of got a feeling

that I should take a
walk in that direction.

Uh... I often get
those feelings.

What do you mean you
often get those feelings?

Well, to be there when
something is happening.

Like what? Uh, I
was at 8th and Spring

when, uh...

When that crazy man
threatened to jump off the roof.

And I was at the ballpark

when Huggins
pitched a no-hitter.

This was the first time
you were ever at a ballpark?

That's right.

Am I speaking loud enough?

PERRY: Oh, quite, quite.

I've seen lots of other holdups
and robberies and sh**t.

But this is the first time
I've ever taken an active part.

Now, that's what I call
an instinct for news.

One man in 10
million has it like that.

He just happened to
be walking by the bank,

a mile out of his way.

Hey, wait a minute. I
was there too, you know.

Uh, you were just lucky.

This man's the greatest
natural born reporter

to come along in years.

From now on, you're
working for the Planet.

But I already have a job.

I've been a bookkeeper
for Simmons & Sons

for 20 years.

I'll double what
you're getting there.

How much are you making now?

Forty-five dollars a week.

Like I said. Give you
$90 a week to start.

For the greatest
natural born reporter

to come along in years?

[SIGHS]

All right. I'll make it
100. What do you say?

Uh, I... I don't know.

I'll have to discuss
it with Celia.

Do you realize the
opportunity I'm offering you?

Your own series. A byline.

A special
crime-busting reporter.

I'll have to discuss
it with Celia.

And then Mr. White said

if I'd come to
work for the Planet,

he'd pay me $100 a week.

Oh, Frank, I...

I'm so proud of you.

And now we can get married.

But don't you think
we should wait

until we see if this
new job works out?

Well, of course
it will work out.

Didn't he call you

the greatest
natural-born reporter

to come along in years? Yeah.

I... But I sort of

h-hate leaving Simmons & Sons.

I've been there so long.

But, Frank, you...

You're only a junior bookkeeper

after all these years.

I know.

But I feel that eventually

I'd work up from there.

Do you remember the plan
I submitted to Mr. Simmons

about a complete overhauling
of our sales campaign?

Frank, you've been submitting

that plan for five years now.

Why, you can't even get
Mr. Simmons to read it.

But if he would... He won't.

Twenty years with his firm,

and...

I'll bet he doesn't
even know your name.

You know, you're right.

Why, with the
plans Mr. White has,

there's no telling what
might happen to me.

We gotta knock off

this Smullins
character right now.

It's bad luck to
knock off a reporter.

It'll be worse luck
if we let him live.

I still say we ought
to rub him out.

You say?

Let's get this straight.

I agreed to come to Metropolis

and organize this
setup on one condition:

that my word is final.

We have the whole
operation planned.

We held off on
everything for a month,

to lull the town into a
sense of false security.

In that month, I
planned 20 perfect jobs.

We spring them.
"Bang, bang, bang!"

One right after another.

And before they
know what's hit them,

we're all rich and out of town.

Well, this guy sure
fouled up your first job.

It says the Planet hired him

as a special
crime-busting reporter.

It was a freak. An accident.

He couldn't possibly
have known about the job.

It was planned
and timed perfectly.

Some perfect.

They got Louie
with all the dough.

The job this afternoon
will come off without a hitch.

A hundred-thousand-dollar heist.

And all it takes
is one pickpocket.

Then...

eight more jobs tomorrow.

Ten the next day.

And we'll have this town
practically cleaned out.

I still don't know
what we're doing here.

They wouldn't dare
hit the bank again.

I don't know.

I've just got one
of my feelings.

Who is that?

That is C.V. Owen. He's
the president of the bank.

Another feeling?

I've got a feeling
your feeling is right.

You see that little
fellow watching Owen?

Well, that's Fingers Danny.

He is the hardest-working
pickpocket in town.

There's your
chance, crime buster.

I think Danny just
lifted Owen's wallet.

Uh, shouldn't we
call the police?

Later. First, grab Danny.

Then write another
firsthand account

of how you captured a criminal.

If he's a criminal, he...
He... He might be armed.

Danny? He's even afraid
of a cap p*stol, himself.

Look. Why don't you grab him,

and I'll get the police,

in case he gives
you any trouble.

Then you can write the story.

Oh, no, you don't.

Mr. White has billed you
as the crime-busting reporter.

You're the hero of the hour.

Everyone wants to know
what you're going to do next.

And that's what sells
newspapers. Come on.

Hey, why don't you watch

where you're going.

Well, hello, Danny.
Window shopping?

Yeah, yeah. Just
window shopping.

Well, then what's your rush?

All right, Frank, grab him.

What's the idea?

Let's just see what
we can find here.

That's my wallet.

So it is. So it is.

My. Must be over $50,000 here.

Do you always carry
that much money around?

Well, I had a good
day at the track today.

Sure you did.

Let's go in the bank

and see if they
can explain all this.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Well, what do you know.

He did have a g*n.

Frank, I apolog...

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

I still can't get over
Smullins' courage.

Ah. Neither can I.

Clark, I don't understand you.

Now that we're beginning to
get some good beats again,

you don't seem happy.

Well, frankly, chief,
I'm just a bit worried

about this so-called
crime-busting reporter of yours.

Worried? But why? It
can't be that you're jealous.

I know you too well for that.

Oh, chief.

For your information...

Frank did not capture Danny.

I did.

You did? That's right.

Frank was afraid to
even approach Danny.

When Danny pulled a
g*n on him, he fainted.

Are you sure? Of
course I'm sure.

But after he came to,

I managed to convince him
that he had disarmed Danny.

Well, maybe he tripped. It
might have been an accident.

If you ask me, I think

his first capture
was an accident.

Now, chief.

Do you remember that series
of pictures that Olsen sh*t?

Yeah.

Well, chief, I've got a hunch.

Well, he did it again.

Another accident? Another freak?

Certainly.

The guy obviously likes
to hang around the bank.

I still say we ought
to rub him out.

We can't afford to
upset our schedule.

Especially with a k*lling.

And that's final, Marty.

According to the schedule,
the next job is mine.

The safe job at Van Rale's.

That's right.

My figures show there ought
to be about half a million dollars

in diamonds in that safe.

Besides a load of cash.

I don't like the way your
first two jobs went haywire.

I could end up in the clink.

What could go
wrong with this one?

Pete and Al should have
the alarm cut by now.

And in about a half-hour,

both guards will be
doubled up with cramps.

Now, you better get going.

Now, get this
straight, Big Jack:

that schedule or no schedule,

if that Frank Smullins
character shows up,

he's gonna get it.

Now, chief, I want you
to look very carefully.

You notice that...?

That string there
in Frank's hand?

Yes. What about it? We know
he was trying to tie him up.

Well, that's what I mean.

You see, it's not just a
rope as Jimmy reported. It's...

Well, it's just a
piece of twine.

Look at the way it's
entangled in Frank's hand.

Does that suggest
anything to you?

Why... yes. It's...

It's a cat's cradle.

A silly thing you
can do with string.

Exactly, exactly.
It's just my theory

that he was walking
along the sidewalk,

minding his own business,

when this gunman
blundered into him,

and they just
got all tangled up.

Then he didn't capture
the bank robber.

At least not on purpose.

That's right.

He didn't capture
Danny either. Let's face it.

Boss, your two-fisted,
crime-busting reporter

is just a frightened
little bookkeeper

that happens to have a knack

that places him near
the scene of a disaster.

Well, what can we do about it?

Well, for your own sake,

you're gonna have to lose him.

We've all got him believing
his own publicity so much

that he thinks he's a fearless,

invincible hero, and he's...

Well, he's just
sold on it, that's all.

Sooner or later, he's
bound to get hurt.

I can't fire him.

We promised our readers
a whole series by him.

Why, if the truth of this
story ever comes out,

I'll be the laughingstock
of the newspaper world.

Well, where is he now?
Gone to the Kraler building.

What's he doing there?

Oh, he said he had
one of his feelings.

Kraler...

[ALARMED] The Kraler building?

Van Rale's, the
jewelers, are there.

Right. Wait. Where
are you going?

Well, uh, chief, I, uh...
I just remembered.

I have to cover a
sports car show.

Oh, fine. And if one of
those sports cars backfires...

we'll put it on page one.

[♪♪♪]

[LOCK CLICKS]

[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

Very nicely done.

It'll make a good story
for the final edition.

[CHUCKLES] Put that away.

I'm Frank Smullins
of the Planet.

You're coming with me.

Maybe your name
used to be Smullins.

Right now, it's mud.

Why don't you surrender?
You haven't got a chance.

I told you. I'm Frank Smullins.

How'd you get in here?

Through the store.

I untied one of the salesmen,
and he's calling the police.

What?

Sorry I have to do this, chum.

[COCKS]

[MOANS]

[WHOOSHING]

[♪♪♪]

[SLAPS]

[GASPS]

What? What happened?

You've done it again.

You frightened the
safecracker away

before he could get his loot.

Well...

maybe someday
these thugs'll learn

not to fool around
with Frank Smullins.

I told you it was bad luck

to try and knock off a reporter.

What was I supposed to do?

Surrender to him
when he asked me to?

Now we got
Superman on our necks.

That's all we need.

You agree now that we have to

get rid of that reporter?

Unfortunately, I do.

We've got eight jobs going
off simultaneously tomorrow.

Even Superman can't be
in all those places at once.

But I'll bet that
Smullins character can.

We'll have to get
rid of him today.

Get rid of him.

We can't even get near him

as long as Superman
seems to be protecting him.

We've got to figure a way
to make him come to us.

I had the boys check up on him.

He has a girlfriend
named Celia Adams.

Lives at 37 Maple Street.

Perry White's office.

I'd like to speak
to Frank Smullins.

I have a hot tip.

Oh, um... Uh, just a minute,

I'll try to find him for you.

[IMITATING FRANK]
Hello, this is Frank Smullins.

What can I do for you?

If you'll come alone to
your girlfriend's house,

I have a very big story for you.

Who is this?

Never mind.

Just be there within an hour,

or you'll never see her again.

Remember: be alone.

Uh, what's the address?

Huh? What do you
mean the address?

Well...

uh, she owns two houses.

Which one are you at?

Oh. The one at 37 Maple Street.

Oh, that one. 37 Maple Street.

I'll be right over.

Frank Smullins
never breaks his word.

Hey, hey. What
was that all about?

I just got a tip.

I'm gonna show Mr. White
that that Smullins guy

isn't the only one around here

that can get a scoop.

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

Just stay right there, sister.

Go let him in, Marty.

Hello.

Hello.

What's the joke?

It used to be a
joke, Mr. Smullins,

but it's all over.

That's not Frank.

Nice try, sister.

But it won't work.

She's right, Big Jack.

This ain't the guy that
busted up the Van Rale job.

Who are you?

I'm taking a survey.

Are you in favor of women
having long or short hair?

That depends. Now,
on some women...

Shut up!

Sorry, kid.

But now that you're here,

we can't let you go.

Just sit right down
there on the sofa.

I'm getting a little worried.

If he doesn't show
up pretty soon,

we're gonna have
to get rid of these two

and get out of here.

Has Olsen returned yet?

Oh, he's out on a story, chief.

What do you mean?

Well, he got a phone call,

and said something
about a hot tip.

I heard him repeat an address.

Uh, 37 Maple Street.

37 Maple Street?

That's Celia's house.

Who's Celia?

My girl.

Well, that's funny.

Maybe they're trying to

get back at Smullins
through his girl.

You better go after him, Kent.

Oh, uh, chief, I think
I'd better go over

to the Federated
Savings and Loan again.

I have one of those feelings

that something is
gonna happen, you know.

Oh, I'll go, chief.

What's this about
your having hunches?

I don't know, chief...

That's supposed
to be Smullins' job.

Oh, maybe, uh, it's
catching, huh? [TUTS]

All I can say is,

it's a funny way to
run a newspaper.

Well, I-I-I'm sure
you're right, chief, but...

you know, there
are all kinds of ways

to run a newspaper,
aren't there?

I know people say you're
crazy when you talk to yourself,

but by great Caesar's ghost,
there's nobody else around here

sane enough to talk to!

[♪♪♪]

Maybe this Smullins
guy isn't gonna show.

Well, we'll give him a
couple of more minutes.

Maybe he called the police.

We gotta get outta here.

Yes, I know.

But first, we've gotta
take care of these two.

There's a gas jet
in the fireplace.

Turn it on.

Right.

[GAS HISSING]

SUPERMAN: It's
getting stuffy in here.

[IN UNISON] Superman!

[g*nshots]

[g*ns CLICKING]

[BOTH GRUNT]

[b*llet CLANKS TO FLOOR]

I hope you'll forgive
me for not untying you,

but I have a feeling that
it'll be better this way.

Why, if you've so much as harmed

one hair of her head, I'll...

Look out, Frank.
They've got g*ns.

[THUD]

There. That'll teach you

to tie my girl.

Frank, you might
have been k*lled.

What is life without honor?

Jimmy. Are you all right?

But you didn't have
to do that. They were...

Jimmy.

Oh, Frank, you're wonderful.

You've saved my life.

PERRY: Oh, come in, my boy.

Ahem. Come in.

Well, uh, that was

a great piece of work you did.

What sort of a feeling
do you have for tomorrow?

Well, we just dropped by

to tell you I'm
quitting, Mr. White.

Oh, nonsense. You've got

a great future in this business.

Another incident like yesterday,

and he'll have no future at all.

We decided it's too dangerous

a job for a married man.

I see.

And would you be
kind enough to tell me

just how he's going to
support a wife on $45 a week?

Oh, we don't have
to worry about money.

When Mr. Simmons, my old boss,

kept reading about
me in the paper,

he finally dug up that plan

I submitted to him
five years ago...

and read it.

He offered me twice
what you're paying me

to be head of Sales Planning.

Well, I... I'm very glad, for
your sake, Mr. Smullins...

but do you think it's
entirely fair to me?

Don't take it so hard, chief.

At least you got those
stories you were yelling about.

I know. But what am I
gonna print tomorrow?

There's the meeting of
the Better Babies League

and the flower show.

Quiet.

Now, get out of
here, all of you,

before I go completely insane.

[SNORTS]

Oh, Mr. Smullins? Yes, sir?

Stop at the cashier's
window on the way out.

I'll phone him and tell him
to give you an extra $100.

Sort of a... A wedding present.

Oh. Mr. White.

What's all this sentimentality?

Has everybody around
here gone crazy?!

[ALL LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.