05x07 - Money to Burn

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman.

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:
Calling Car Six, Car Six.

Corner of Elm and Brighton.

This is a 132.

Car Six, Elm and
Brighton, code 132.

This is an emergency.
Repeat, emergency.

Warehouse fire,
1800 Waterfront Way.

All cars in Zone Four,
proceed to warehouse fire,

1800 Waterfront Way.

This is an emergency. Repeat...

[SIREN WAILING]

[♪♪♪]

I should be back
in about a half-hour.

Lois, see that copy
gets back to the boss.

Well, where are you going?

I have a few things to check on.

Ha, funny. Whenever
we have to work late

you always seem to check on
something around dinnertime.

I could use an important
interview myself,

with a hamburger
and a double malt.

I'll bring you some
back. I'll see you later.

Mr. Kent, with everything:

Relish, tomato, ketchup,
lettuce, mustard...

Uh, no piccalilli? No.

No piccalilli. All right.

I know I forgot something.

Never mind.

Let's go beard
the lion in his den.

Here's the
city-council story, chief.

Miss Lane, what did you mean a
few minutes ago when you said:

"Let's go beard
the lion in his den"?

Why...

Ah, that's an old
expression, Olsen.

It means, "Let us face
an unpleasant situation

and get it over with."

Miss Lane, is that
the way you refer

to coming into this office?

Well...

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes? What?

The Planet warehouse? When?

Great Caesar's ghost.

What is it, chief?

The Planet warehouse is on fire.

I've got to get
there. Where's Kent?

We don't know. He left.

I'll leave a note for him.

He'll have to take over
when he gets back.

LOIS: Can we come too?

Yes, nothing could
make it worse.

Jeepers, I haven't seen
a good fire in a long time.

In that case, Olsen, we'll
let it burn to the ground

even though we do have
100,000 dollars' worth

of newsprint in there.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Oh, no, I just remembered.

There's a $12,000 payroll
in that warehouse safe.

Don't take it so hard,
chief. It's insured, isn't it?

Yes, but to stand here
and see this happen...

Look, chief, the Fireman's
Friend back there.

They'll be my friend forever
if they ever put this out.

It doesn't make sense.

How can they make a profit
back here inside the fire line?

Yeah, you'd think they'd be
back there where the crowds are.

Oh, well, how about
a cup of coffee, chief?

You know I never drink coffee.

Pardon me, we're
from the Daily Planet.

That's our editor
Mr. White over there.

We were wondering
about this business.

It's just what it says, buddy.

Me and my pal serve free
coffee and sinkers to the firemen.

It's a hobby.

Hot idea, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Get it, hot idea?

Sure, sure, I get it.

How about an exclusive
picture interview?

We don't want
any publicity, kid.

As I told you, it's a hobby.

We're just sort of
honorary firemen.

[expl*si*n, SIREN WAILS]

Who was that?

A reporter. The old
man's the Planet editor.

I bet he's plenty b*rned, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Get it, b*rned?

[LAUGHS]

You know, one of these days,

you're gonna wisecrack
just once too often

and get us both
into real trouble.

Ha-ha! Okay,
okay, let me have it.

You ready?

Yeah, I got the place all cased.

See you, Slim.

Yeah.

" Planet warehouse
on fire. Take over."

Planet warehouse?

[♪♪♪]

It's no use, they're
not gonna b*at it.

I hope you're enjoying
yourself, Olsen.

Yes, sir, I sure am.

I mean, no, no, I'm not.

I mean...

Right now I wish I were in it.

Coffee, folks?

Not unless you have a
little arsenic to put in it.

[WHOOSHING]

Hey, look.

When did it start?

Less than an hour ago.

How about a cup for you?

No, thank you.

He can't put it out
with coffee, you idiot.

But perhaps I can using

the basic ingredient
of coffee, water.

Jimmy, will you turn it on
back there, please? Quick.

Yes, sir.

How'd you make out?

Safe was loaded.

It's all in here. Good.

Well, chief, it looks like
they'll save part of it for you.

But what's he going to do?

Look, Superman's flying the
hose right over the building.

Look at that, he's
diving right into the joint.

Yeah. Here, hand me the tray.

Incredible. He's put out
every lick of the flame.

Don't forget who got
the water turned on.

Olsen, just because you
help avert one catastrophe

that doesn't make up for
the hundreds you've created.

Let's go find Superman.

Come on, let's close
up and get out of here.

We made our haul.

No, better to stick
around a while.

It looks more legitimate.

Lucky you found the note
and contacted Superman.

I wish I'd found it
sooner. I could've...

You could've, uh...?

Well, I mean, Superman could...
Anyway, it's too late now, Lois.

You better get your
feet off the desk

before the chief gets back.

Golly, Miss Lane, I'm just
practicing up to be editor.

It's after 4. I don't know what
could be keeping the chief.

I'll tell you what kept me.

The district attorney,
the Arson squad,

and insurance investigators.

Hardly seems enough.

But, chief, you didn't
commit any crime.

You might be more comfortable

with your feet up on
my desk, Mr. Olsen.

Well, I just had
them up there...

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, please, sir, sit down.
You're getting red in the face.

Thank you.

You're most considerate.

Jim does have a point, chief.

It sounds as though you
were treated like a criminal.

I was.

But that's absurd.

After all, you own
a lot of Planet stock,

which means you own
part of the warehouse.

Unfortunately, there's a little
matter of a missing payroll.

What's that got to do with it?

Well, yesterday, just a few
hours before the fire started,

a guard and I personally
delivered a $12,000 payroll

in the company's safe.

A guard was posted.

When the fire started,
naturally, he fled.

After the fire, the
payroll was gone.

You mean stolen?

Apparently.

But the minute Superman
got that fire under control

the place was
swarming with firemen,

which means that the payroll
was taken during the fire.

But that's impossible.

Why, that part of the
building was an inferno.

Nevertheless, it was gone.

And there's only
one logical answer:

That I never really put
the money in the safe,

and that I started the fire
to cover an embezzlement.

Both the guard and the watchman
saw you put the money in.

They have both
testified that they saw me

put the briefcase in the safe.

But neither one can say
whether there was any money in it.

That's kind of ridiculous,
we all know you didn't do it.

Yeah, but the DA and
the insurance company

and the Arson squad don't.

In other words, if
you claim insurance,

they'll try to prove fraud.

Yes, and if I don't claim it,

I'll be personally liable

for about half
a million dollars.

How about the watchman?
Couldn't he have taken it?

The poor man was
severely b*rned.

Naturally, he'd have
planned it better than that.

Hmmm. Well, let's face it,

that money just vanished
right through the flames.

Though I'm sure the
heat was too intense

for any ordinary asbestos suit.

I'm going to find
out how it was done

or end up in jail.

Don't talk like that, chief.

You can count on us, we'll
come to visit you every day.

Well, I am sorry to
disappoint you, Mr. Olsen,

but I'm not going to jail.

I used to be a pretty fair
crime reporter in my day.

Let's hope I haven't
lost my touch.

Uh, chief, where
you gonna start?

Anyplace. Engine
Company 10, probably.

I wanna talk to anybody who
has seen anything unusual.

I'll go with you. No, you won't.

Hold down that
desk. But, chief...

Now, just a
minute, that's final.

Now, someone or
something got me into this

and I'd like to be the one to
find out who or what it was.

I'll check with you
every half-hour.

Yes, sir.

I've never seen him
that upset before.

Except, of course, at me.

You both better
get back to work.

We don't want to let him
down with the paper, either.

[♪♪♪]

I bet there's over
10 grand there.

A couple more hauls
like this and we can retire.

As long as we retire
in different directions.

I never wanna hear
another wisecrack again.

Hey, I just thought
of a new one.

Know what happened to the
guys working at that warehouse?

I don't want to know.

They got fired.

[LAUGHS]

Get it, fired?

[LAUGHS]

You know, I really shouldn't
cut you in for half the dough.

I do all the work.

Yeah? Who goes into the fire?

Who thought up the
Fireman's Friend gimmick

so we can get
inside the fire lines?

Who thought of using
the stepped-up hearing aid

to detect the lock tumblers?

Well, I guess it...

And who spent two years

developing your
fireproof plastic suit?

You did, Slim. I
gotta hand it to you.

But how come you never
sold the plastic formula

to some big outfit?

That would be honest.

Yeah.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

I had the foresight to
line your suit with lead foil

so Superman
couldn't see through it

in case he ever showed up.

That might have come in handy
yesterday, it was pretty close.

Well, there it is,
6 grand apiece.

Minus the 2 and a
half bucks you owe me.

What for?

Your share for that
5 bucks I put out

for coffee and doughnuts.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Get the door.

[SLIM CLEARS THROAT]

I beg your pardon,
I'm Perry White

of the Daily Planet.

I wonder if I could talk.

We're pretty busy.

Of course, Mr. White, come in.

Thank you.

Terrible thing, that
fire at your warehouse.

Yes, that's what I want to
talk to you about, in a way.

I remembered your
truck, the Fireman's Friend.

Oh, it's nothing, really.
The boys do a wonderful job.

We just like to make
things a little easier for them.

Sort of a hobby.

The fire commissioner
even gave us permission

to have a shortwave
radio in our car

so we can know where to go.

Yes, it's against the law
to have a vehicle equipped

with shortwave radio
without permission.

Yes, I'm aware of that.
I'm a newspaperman.

How did you happen
to locate us, Mr. White?

Sheer luck, I must admit.

I was just driving by, and I
saw your truck parked outside.

So, what can we do for you?

Well, a very strange
thing happened at that fire.

A payroll was stolen.

HENCHMAN: You don't say.

I'm afraid I do.

You mean, during the fire?

Yes. Sounds fantastic,
I know, but it's true.

A locked safe, a blazing
room, well, that's why I'm here.

I don't see how we can help.

Well, you two, of all people,
might have seen something.

You weren't as occupied as
the firemen or even myself.

Well, I'm afraid I don't
quite understand, Mr. White.

I want you to think,

think very carefully
of anything you saw,

no matter how
unimportant it may seem.

Hmmm.

I saw a dog run by.

I remember thinking he
might become a hot dog.

[LAUGHS]

Hot dog.

I'm afraid Mr. White
isn't interested

in humor at the moment.

No, that isn't funny.

Now, please think carefully.
Was there anything else?

Yes, there was one thing.

I heard an expl*si*n.

That's been
explained, the boiler.

Did you see any people who
looked like they didn't belong?

No, we didn't see
anything like that.

Well, ahem, I'm afraid we
can't help you, Mr. White.

I know that's an
awful lot of money

and, heh, in fact, I'd
like to have it myself.

Well, thank you anyway.
Sorry I bothered you.

Something wrong, Mr. White?

Yes.

I distinctly remember you
wearing a hearing aid yesterday.

Oh, well, yeah, I...

He's an excellent, ah,
lip reader, Mr. White.

Hm. I see. Well...

Well, wait a minute.

I was pacing around the
room, looking out the window.

He couldn't have
been reading my lips.

Just a minute...

Now, well, you see, uh, ahem,

he needs it mostly out-of-doors.

Uh, all the outside
noises, you know.

Oh, yeah, well, I
guess that's possible.

Well, thanks anyway.

Let's get our coats.

[♪♪♪]

The Fireman's Friend.

The more I think about it...

[LOCKS DOOR]

Now what do we do,
serve him to the firemen?

He mustn't talk.

We need time for
one or two big jobs.

Shouldn't even be
found for a week or so.

We can't just ride him
around with us for a week.

We don't have to,
I got a better idea.

Come on, get in.

Do you wanna check
this story, Clark?

Oh, yes, thanks, Lois.

Hey, how's the chief making out?

Well, to tell you the truth,

I've been so busy I... I'd
almost forgotten about him.

He hasn't called
in since he left.

Why, that's almost
two hours ago.

That's right. That's not like
him. He usually checks with me.

Unless he was too successful.

What do you mean?

He may have learned more
than he was supposed to.

I think you're right, Lois.

Whoever's behind all
this is obviously very clever

and probably dangerous.

Where are you going?

Try and pick up his trail.

Oh, take over for me, will you.

Slim, I gotta admit, you
really use the old noggin.

Yeah, first the Planet
loses its warehouse,

then its editor.

Yeah, he can't last no
more than an hour or two

where we left him.

By the time they find him,

we'll be smoking Havana cigars

in Havana.

Provided we get back to work.

Turn on the shortwave radio.

[RADIO HUMS]

Well, thanks for your
time anyway, lieutenant.

Wish I could help.

It's the craziest
thing I ever heard of.

Mm-hm. I'm not worried
about the payroll now,

I'm more concerned
about Mr. White.

If he came here, I'm sure
he would've talked to me,

and he didn't.

It leaves me right up
the well-known blind alley.

[ALARM RINGS]

That's us.

Where is it?

It's on the callboard
downstairs.

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: Cars in
Zone Seven, proceed to warehouse fire.

Bridge and Henshaw.
This is an emergency...

Another warehouse,
we're in luck.

Let's go.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Give me the other one, Slim.

[TIRES SQUEALING,
WHISTLE BLOWING]

Coast clear? It better be.

They're getting this fire
under control pretty fast.

You know, this
is one kind of job

that doesn't burn me up.

[LAUGHS]

Get it, burn?

You know, you'd
probably wisecrack

in front of a f*ring squad.

Can't help it, Slim, it's
part of my personality.

See you in five minutes.

Take it easy.

I thought you might be
here, whoever you are.

HENCHMAN: Hold it, Superman,

or you'll never see
Mr. White again.

We'll see about that.

We got him hid.

And no matter what
you do to me, I won't talk.

You mean you wanna
make a bargain?

Yeah, a bargain.

You give me time to get
out, and you stay here.

What can you give me?

I'll call the Planet
within an hour,

and tell you where
to find White.

All right, I don't
have any choice.

But let me warn
you about something.

If anything happens
to Mr. White...

I give you my word, Superman.

He's in the safest
surroundings possible.

[LAUGHS]

Don't forget, let
me get clear out.

When I make a
bargain, I keep it.

[DISTANT CHATTERING]

Just made it, the
firemen just started in.

You're not kidding.

I had a reception
committee: Superman.

Superman?

Yeah, don't worry, it's okay.

Hold it.

Give me another pot of
coffee, those firemen need it.

Excuse me, gentlemen,
I'd like to talk to you.

I'm sorry, mister,
we're pretty busy.

I know, but this
is rather important.

I'm from the Daily Planet.

Yeah, that Mr. White
was around last night

at that other fire.

You mean you... You
actually saw him there?

Well, I... I served him some
coffee, that's how I remember.

This is a break. You didn't
happen to see him tonight?

I have a very good reason
to think he might be here.

I haven't seen him, mister.

Me either. But if he's lost,

that should be
pretty embarrassing.

In fact, White should turn red.

[LAUGHING]

SLIM: Will you be quiet.

I'm tired of your wisecracks.

You gotta admit, they
always make sense.

Well, thank you
anyway, gentlemen.

Oh, I think you're doing a
wonderful job with this truck.

We think so.

Any news, Clark? Nothing.

Nobody's seen him except
the Fireman's Friends.

They remember serving
him a cup of coffee last night.

I wonder what coulda hap...

Mr. Kent, the chief
doesn't drink coffee.

That's right, Clark,

so he couldn't have
had any last night.

Maybe they thought
he did in the confusion.

Why don't you kids go on
home, I'll ring if anything turns up.

I guess there's
nothing we can do.

Good night, Clark. Night.

Good night, Mr. Kent.

Good night, Jimmy.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

LIEUTENANT: Well, if he came here,
I'm sure he would have talked to me,

and he didn't.

HENCHMAN: He's in the
safest surroundings possible.

SLIM: Why don't you be quiet.
I'm sick of your wisecracks.

HENCHMAN: You gotta
admit, they always make sense.

"Wisecracks"...

"Always make sense."

"Safest surroundings possible"?

Well, I guess Superman
won this round,

but at least we
took care of White.

At least we ain't in jail.
What do we do now?

Pack up and let's
find another city.

Suits me. The sooner we're
out of this burg, the better.

All right, let's pack.

[♪♪♪]

Oh.

It's all right, Mr. White.

No, you're not dreaming.

I'd just about gone,
Superman. Couldn't breathe.

Where are they, these
Fireman's Friends?

Oh, then you know who they were.

That's right.

Room 28,

Hotel Kelsey,

First Street.

O-only a few minutes from here.

Well, I can make it
even quicker than that.

Mr. White, I think
we'd better throw them

a little surprise party.

Hurry up, we've just got
time to make the airport.

I'm ready. Let's go.

Superman.

The fire escape.

That's enough exercise, boys.
I get around faster than you do.

Now, you don't
have anything on us.

No witnesses.

Oh, I wouldn't be
too sure of that.

Well, the Fireman's Friends.

I can't get you but
I can shut him up.

Mr. White, will you call our
friends, please, the police.

With pleasure, Superman.

What's the matter,
no wisecracks?

He'll have a long time to
think up some new ones

where he's going.

Get me the police, please.

I wonder what Clark
Kent will have to say

when I show up with this story?

Well, strangely enough, I
don't think he'll be surprised.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.