01x18 - Would You Wrather Back Down?

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe all students


are now required
to take an after-school club.


When am I supposed to get my beauty rest?


Come on, Fred, it's gonna be fun.


I hope the Wratherheads
choose archaeology.


I still don't understand
why you get the big shovel and I get this.


Because when you tried to hold
the big shovel, you pulled a kidney.


-Although, I'm not even sure--
-It's a thing.


Look at me! I'm a mad scientist!


Not really mad, this wig is a smile-maker.


What's with Ollie? I thought our choices
were gonna be tennis or archaeology?


I bought shovels!


Mine came with a pail!


Further proving why I changed
our club options to science or tennis.


Come on, don't you want to dig up a mummy?
This is the way to go.


Coop, science or tennis is the way to go.


Trust me on this.


Yeah. You're usually right.


We'll do it your way.


Can you get rid of this?


Ugh! Second kidney down!


Hey, Wratherheads! Mom's waiting for us


in the car and told us to be quick,
so here it is:


It's club sign-up day at school!


So, we need your help.


Would you rather do
science experiments or play tennis?


Vote fast because we have to get to school
by : to sign up.


Cool, lot of comments coming in.


"Sign-ups started at :."


"Sign-ups started a half-hour ago."


"Almost every club's full."


Guys! I think we messed up
the sign up time.


I knew you'd get there.


Well, well, well.
I finally have you all to myself.


Would you rather drink
this weird green stuff


or this weird blue stuff?


Ollie! To the car!


This isn't over!


We're too late.


Everything we wanted is filled!


But we have to pick something.


This club has spots left!


What is "school beautification"?


Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.


[orchestral hits]


It's that bad!


[theme music playing]


Would you rather lose your phone


Or give up pizza for a month


Share your diary with the world


Or have to eat it for your lunch


Sing out of tune to your friends


Or trip and fall into your crush


Shave your head, paint it red


Or use your dog's toothbrush


We need a little Q and A


Come on, Wratherheads, play along


- Would you rather do this
- Would you rather do this


- Or would you rather do that
- Would you rather do that


Don't matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world


- Would you rather do this
- Would you rather do this


- Or would you rather just dance
- Or would you rather just dance


No matter what we do
We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world!


Would you rather do that?


I didn't even know we had
an old student lounge on the second floor.


I wish I still didn't.


This is clearly
where sandwiches go to die.


[whistle tweets]


Less chitty-chat, more cleany-clean.


And my gammy said
I couldn't pull off a sash.


Fred, the only reason
Ms. Gazowski put you in charge


is because you complimented
her orthopedic shoes.


They were the perfect combo
of comfort and style.


But Ms. G also knows I won't hesitate
to rat anyone out who doesn't help me turn


this student lounge
into an awesome hangout.


Aah! My life just flashed before my eyes!


-Now that guy has the right idea.
-[whistle tweets]


[Fred] Freeze, Evan!


You already used your one bathroom break.
Clench your toes!


Listen, my buddy texted me


and said they added a few more spots
in the Drama Club.


[Fred] And what, may I ask,


does drama have
that beautification doesn't?


You gonna make me say it?


Auditions are later today.


Save yourselves.


Go ahead, leave!
Not everyone has the stomach--


[screaming] Roach!


Safety turtle!


Just a friendly reminder,


ice skates should not be substituted
as bowls for your nacho cheese.


"And thou shall ne'er forsook
this visage."


"Our strength will help us smite--"


Do you know what any of this means?


I wasn't even sure they were words.


But what I do know
is that we're gonna crush our auditions.


Bye-bye, beautification.


The special birthday boy is here!


-Hey, we saved you guys some tables.
-Oh, thanks.


I can't believe
Ollie's having another birthday party.


The first one was with his school friends.
These are his hockey friends.


It's more of a birth-week than a birthday.
Hop on board, Charlotte.


Wow, when I was a kid,
you had one simple party




with all of your friends
and that was that.


This generation
and their birth-weeks, so spoiled.


We had to have separate parties.


His hockey friends
scare his school friends.


I don't know why.


[both grunting]


That might be why.


But this is the last party
for the year, I promise.


If you say so, Mom.


[scoffs] Oh, just for the record,


you all had amazing parties
when you were kids.


Like when we took you to that water park.


That was me.


Okay, well, then how 'bout when we had
the petting zoo in the backyard?


That was me.


Don't you two have somewhere to go?!


We doesn't-ith, milady.


Maybe we do-ith.


It's fine, Mom, I didn't need
all that fancy shmancy stuff, anyway.


Hey, your parties were fancy.


In fact, your fourth
was one crazy blowout.


-You probably don't even remember.
-I don't.


What kind of crazy blowout?


Oh, wow. I mean, like,


tons of kids,


a princess...


you know what else there was?


A pony.


I had a pony at my party?


I stand corrected.


-[phone beeps]
-Note to me: Stop lying to your children.


-[phone voice] Sending text to children.
-No, no no, no, no, no!


Oh, phew, that was close.


When does that lame-o teacher get here,


so we can see who snagged
the final spot in Drama Club?


You're the teacher.


We auditioned for you yesterday.


I surprised you guys,
so I could get a real reaction.


That's acting.


So, Mr. Kramsky--


Oh-oh! You dudes can call me K-Dogg.


Nope.


So, in this week's one act,


playing the role of Princess Cecilia
will be Emily.


Playing Don Julio will be the Evan-nator.


But this is where it gets trick-ay
for old K-Dogg.


Coop... you would make
a top-notch Count Stefano.


Yes! I get to be the villain
who locks the princess in the tower!


En garde!


That's old-timey for "Watch your butt!"


Hit the brakes, amigo,
'cause there's another actor


who would be off the...
[sing-songy] hizz-ook!


-Cami.
-What are you saying?


There's only one role left to fill.


Cami brings the "oomph,"
yet Cooper finds the feels.


What to do?


So...


one of us gets to stay in drama
the entire semester,


while the other has to go back
to cleaning up the disgusting lounge.


[sighs] I'm sure K-Dogg
will make the right choice.


That guy?


Come on, Coop, you know how hard
it'd be for me to work under Fred.


I really think me staying in drama
is the way to go.


Trust me.


[sighs] Okay, Cami.


I guess the role's yours.


Mr. Kramsky?


Cooper and I agree
that I should play Count Stefano.


Wow, look at you two,
taking the "drama" out of drama.


Noise!


So, do I have to go back
to beautification immediately or--


Welcome back, grunt.


Coop, I'm loving the gum scraping.


Brian! Stop dripping paint,
or you lose all your Fred points!


I can't believe I'm back here


while Cami's rehearsing
to be a villain in an awesome play.


Hate to say this,
but nobody here is surprised


you gave the part to her.
You "Coop'd out."


"Coop'd out"? What does that even mean?


It's an expression,
you backed down to Cami,


-just like you always do.
-I do not.


Really? When you wanted to do
the Archaeology Club,


but she wanted Science, what happened?


-Well, we went with hers--
-In the morning,


when you're waiting for your turn
in the bathroom, who gets to go first?


Well, Cami, but she doesn't roll out
of bed looking like this.


When you wanna watch hockey,
but she wants to watch a dance show...?


Well, we usually watch the dance show,
but that's only because...


I always Cooper out!


It's "Coop'd out," copyright pending.


Ally, I can see your fingerprints
all over that window!


Don't make me get out of my wagon!


Hey, Wratherheads, got a quick one.


Would you rather get dirty
cleaning the school


or fight dirty against a friend?


FYI, cleaning the school
means major bonding time with yours truly.


Thanks, Wratherheads.


My days of Cooping out are over.


Cooper, wait!


Brian, turn my wagon around,
we got a runner.


Nice try.


You'll get plenty of cake at Chad's party,
so hands off my grown-up cookies.


[whispering] I know where she keeps you.


We will be together.


Ooh, what you got there, sweetie?


Just a box of old tapes. I wanted to watch
that video from my fourth birthday.


[coughing] Mm!


I totally forgot about those!




[chuckles] Yeah.
There are so many tapes in here.


I just need to go through the box.


-Oh, well, that could take--
-Found it!


No time at all!


We should watch it now.


A pony, in my backyard?


I bet my little four-year-old face
is smiling the whole time!


Oh, sh**t! We can't watch it now.


I have to take Ollie
to Chad's birthday party.


-It's fine. I'll just watch it by myself.
-No!


I wanna watch it with you!


But I have so much to do today.
Between Chad's birthday


and all these papers
I have to go through-- I know!


Why don't you take Ollie,
I'll get all my work done,


and then we can watch it together later?


That sounds good.


-What time's the party?
-Now.


Ollie loves dodgeball, so don't be afraid
to stay until they close.


Okay, bye, guys, have fun.


[sighs]


[phone beeping]


Hi. Yes. I'd like to rent a pony


because I've told a string of lies
to my eldest daughter.


Take heed, Don Julio,
or you'll never see your princess again.


I kinda feel like I would shackle
his legs here and feed him to the gators.


Love the instincts, C-Money,
but it's only scene one.


Might shorten the play.


Great week, peeps.


The performance is this afternoon
and someone's so confident,


he's wearing his super-lit cowboy boots.


Ha! Let's take five.


All right, Fred, time to get my part back.


Finally, you've been yammering
about it all week.


Frankly, it's been affecting your mopping.


I needed the perfect moment to strike.


Last minute, so she can't retaliate.
You know what you're supposed to do?


Cooper, you're talking
to a guy with a sash.


Are you really asking that?


I'm actually shocked you were willing
to leave the lounge unsupervised.


Don't worry, I have it covered.


I set up a nanny cam so I can make sure
everyone's still on track.


[screams] They're destroying my wagon!


I need to get back. Let's do this.


There she is, the big star. Mint?


-I'm good.
-You have to try one.


It's like a winter wonderland
for your mouth.


Hard pass.


I'm trying to be nice.
Your breath smells like Ollie's feet.


Next time, start with that.


See ya!


Yeah, Cami's been really sick.


I'm pretty worried about her.


Really? Cami!


-You good?
-Yeah, I feel fine.


She's hundo P.


[sighs] What a scrappy, little trooper.


I hope it hasn't become contagious.


Contagious?


It'd be such a shame
if she got everyone sick


and the play had to be canceled.


Whoa! That's no bueno.


Well, as long as she's not frothing
from the mouth,


-you should be fine.
-Ha.


Froth! From her mouth!


She's contagious!


K-Dogg doesn't do germs!


[kids yelling]


There's nowhere to hide, Chad!


[phone rings]


That's weird, it's our neighbor.


Hey, Mr. Brunell.


Wait, a what?


A donkey's chasing a magician
in our front yard?


Hey, Lucas! This is for giving me
socks for my birthday!


Yeah, Mr. Brunell,
I think I know what's going on.


I'm just glad no one got hurt.


Oh, I hear the siren,
I'll let you go. Bye!


[air horn blares]


Ollie, we have to get home.
I just caught Mom in a lie.


She's setting up
yet another party for you.


Isn't she the best?


Aw, you were trying to hit me
with your teeny-weeny ball.


You're all so privileged!
What's with all the anger?!


But, Diane, I'm all set up


to film my daughter's fake
fourth birthday party


and all that's missing
are the four-year-olds you promised!


Oh, they're napping.
Oh, well, in that case, wake them up!


[sighs] Sorry, Princess,
this party's turned into a nightmare.


The toddlers are late,
the pony's a donkey and the magician quit.


I don't care if anyone shows up.


My rate's the same
whether kids puke on me or not.


-Lovely.
-[donkey braying]


I'm not sick!


It was from a trick mint
that Fred gave me!


Cami, I can't take any chances.


I'm trying out
for a Maroon cover band this weekend.


Soon to be Maroon .


But what about the play?


Oh, wicked night,
I tremble under thy moon.


Cooper, what are you doing?


Saving the play.


I memorized all the lines
and would be happy to step in, K-Dogg.


[sighs] I knew that nickname
was straight fire!


C-Train, you're in. C-Money, you're out.




Yes!


I surprised you guys
so I could get a real reaction.


That's acting.


This isn't fair!


Wait. If Cooper's in drama, that means...


A little to the left.


A little to the right.


No, a little to the left, um...


Yeah, I can't do this.


That's an original Fred!


Hey.


What are you doing here?


Just came to say break a leg.


Wow, that's low.


No, it's a theater thing.


Sure, Cami,
'cause it's some sort of custom


to wish an actor to break a leg
before a performance.


-Break a leg, Cooper!
-You too, Ev!


Story checks out.


I'm glad you're not holding a grudge.


Me? Holding a grudge? Never. Mint?


A mint? I'll pass.


Whoops.


My hand keeps cramping
from all the scrubbing


Fred's having me do in beautification.


Well, I should go. Bye.


Like C-Train's gonna fall
for the old mint trick. Ha!


Now, where's my sword?


-[chain rattles]
-[grunts]


So uncool-th!


Ha! I knew it! You are throwing Ollie
another birthday party.


Pink cake?


Now you're just phoning it in.


What's going on, Mom?


This party wasn't for Ollie,
it was for you.


What are you talking about?


I lied about your fourth birthday.


There was no princess,
no magician, and no pony.


I tried to recreate it
and pass it off as an old home movie,


but the donkey kicked the magician,
and that princess ate my grown-up cookies!


The year you turned four
was kinda tough on me.


Your dad was working a lot.


Cooper was teaching Cami
how to crawl up and down the stairs.


Sounds like you had your hands full.


I shouldn't have lied.


I just didn't want you to think
I don't care about you


as much as your brothers and sister.


You're my first baby.


I know that, Mom. I was just teasing you
about all the birthday stuff.


If anything, you probably
love me the most. Right?


If you want, we can still watch the video
of your real fourth birthday?


I'd like that.


I finally got the babies to sleep.


-Happy birthday, sweetie-pie!
-Thanks, Mom.


Make a wish!


What's a wish?


A wish is when you ask for something
that would make you happy.


But I'm already happy, Mama.


Ohh.


-Well, then maybe just wish for a pony.
-Okay.


And I'm still happy.


-Thanks, Mama.
-Oh.


[donkey braying]


Best birth-week ever!


'Tis I who locked
the princess in the tower,


and I shall never release her.


You shall rue this day, Count Stefano!


I do say--


-[squeaking, scraping]
-What is that?


Don Julio!


Oh, you've got to be kidding me.


Yeah, this is mad confusing.


And I love it.


I, Count Stefano,


have traveled very far to tell you


that I have locked the princess
in the tower.


How can that be when I am Count Stefano?


Here is a list of my kingdom's demands.


No, here is a list
of my kingdom's demands.


I am a fool for letting thee
within my city gates!


I challenge thee...


or him?


To a duel.


I can't fight both of you!


Don Julio, stall thyself,
while I speak-ith with the town simpleton.


[chain rattling]


When I was asked to lead this ragtag team,


I had no idea how much this process
would change my life.


It has been my honor
to work by your sides--


We did all the work!


You're gonna make me cry, Stuart.


And I now present to you,


the one thing every
student lounge should have--


A basketball hoop? A video game?


Shut it, Stuart.


A -pound bear fountain!




Stuart, the look on your face says it all.


[floor cracking]


Ooh, this fountain even comes
with authentic crackling river noises.


So relaxing!


It is really lonely out here
in the town square.


I wish I had somebody to duel with.


Anybody?


Cooper, why are you fighting me
so much on this?


-Because I'm not Cooping out this time.
-I don't know what you're talking about.


I'm talking about how I always
back down to you.


That's so not true.


Okay, name one time you gave in to me.


[scoffing]


There was that one time!


And, of course, there was that other time!


And you can't forget about that last time!


See? I think I made my point.


Cami, I really wanted to do this play.


I mean, how often do I get to hit stuff
with a sword without getting yelled at?


All you care about
is getting out of beautification.


Why didn't you just tell me
you felt this way?


Would you even have listened?


I'm sorry.


And I'm sorry I made
you foam at the mouth.


That was a pretty good move.


In the future,
I'll try and listen to your side and...


occasionally back down.


Thanks.


I think it's time
for your big fight scene, Count Stefano.


You're giving me the part?


Yes!


Wait, how do I get this shackle off?


Seriously?


Hey! Where's the brother and sister
that worked everything out?


There they are.


I am ready to engage in battle, Don Julio!


En garde!


Ha! Thou art no match for me!


[audience gasps]


[grunts, groans]


Only the gods above can save you now.


-[ceiling cracking]
-[water dripping]


[Fred] Hey, buddy!


Looks like you got the part over Cami!
Way to go!


So, I've been cleared of all charges.


And now the three of us are back together,
making the world a more beautiful--


-[whistle tweets]
-Less talking, more sweeping.


So, drama's on hold
until the stage is fixed.


But Mr. Kramsky
said I had mad acting skills!


Awesome! While you spend
the rest of the semester in Drama Club,


I'll be torturing Fred in beautification.


We all win.


Guys! I think I fixed the fountain!


Sort of.


[Jenna]
Fancy.