06x01 - The Last Knight

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: The
Adventures of Superman!

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.

MAN 1: Look! Up in the
sky! MAN 2: It's a bird!

WOMAN: It's a plane!
MAN 3: It's Superman!

NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman,

strange visitor
from another planet,

who came to Earth
with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel in his bare hands,

and who, disguised
as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a
great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never-ending battle

for truth, justice and
the American way.

[♪♪♪]

Ooh, that would make such
a beautiful engagement ring.

It sure doesn't look
like it'd be hard to steal,

does it, Miss Lane?
Well, it looks easy, Jim,

but all these display cases
are wired to an alarm system.

Miss Lane, you just saved me

from a life of crime. [LAUGHS]

Uh, I wanna get a sh*t

of that suit of armor
over there. Oh.

Hey, I could use
one of those myself

when the chief
goes on a rampage.

Ugh. That's my last bulb too.

[♪♪♪]

Hey.

Look what I found on the floor.

Why, it's a cuff link.

Not the kind you
buy in stores, either.

I'll bet this one
was specially made.

Mm, probably.
Well, we'll leave it

at the lost and found
when we go out.

Hold it.

Now, a nice smile
for the Daily Planet.

Thank you, kind sir.

That about does it,
Miss Lane. Well, let's go.

Oh, Jim, it's really beautiful.

Sorry, folks, closin' time.

Oh, we're all
through. Thank you.

[ALARM RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh, Kent speaking.

What? Well, of course
Lane and Olsen work here.

Well, that's ridiculous.
It's impossible.

They couldn't have stolen it.

[ANGRILY] Of course.

I'll take care of it right away.

[♪♪♪]

But, inspector, you
have known us for years.

We wouldn't do
a thing like that.

Jeepers, no. We even talked
about how the display case

was wired to the burglar alarm.

Mm-hm, so you were
thinkin' about how to steal it.

Well, no, we... I mean, Jimmy
thought it would be easy...

Ah, see, inspector,

she's practically confessed.

I did nothing of the sort.

I'm afraid you have
to come downtown.

SUPERMAN: Not yet, inspector.

Are we glad to see you.

I hate to do it, Superman,

but all the evidence
seems to point...

Just what evidence
is there, inspector?

I'll tell you, Superman.

These two were
the last in the room.

When I found the
jewel was missin',

I had them stopped at the door.

We searched them and
found this in Mr. Olsen's film kit.

That's right, Superman.

But I didn't put it there.

I don't think.

It got there somehow, Jimmy.

May I see that, sir?

Thank you.

GUARD: You've ruined it.

No, no. It's just a
cheap paste imitation.

It's not the real jewel.

But I don't understand.

Somehow, we've
started something again.

If this doesn't
make sense so far,

it's just the beginning.

I found this under the
cushion. The real jewel.

May I see that, inspector?

Thank you.

Yes. It's real, all right.

Oh, incidentally, inspector,

this lets Miss Lane and
Jimmy out, doesn't it?

Miss Lane, let's get outta
here while we're ahead.

Oh,

I hate to bring this up,

but you know that suit
of armor in the corner?

Yeah. It isn't in
the corner anymore.

GUARD: What? JIMMY:
Didn't take that, either.

I don't understand.

Neither do I, inspector.

[♪♪♪]

[RINGS]

You did it, Sir
Arthur, you did it.

A perfect fit.

A work of art.

The very earliest style.

It is rather dashing, isn't it?

It's hardly the word for it.

Wait till we polish you up.

Such a daring exploit
deserves a reward.

I move that Sir Arthur
be named official king

of the Society for
the Preservation

of Knighthood and Dragons.

BOTH: Excellent.

BOTH: Excellent.
I'm deeply moved.

And deeply disturbed.

MAN: Nothing went
wrong, did it, Sir Arthur?

Yes.

I had no trouble with the jewel.

Our chauffeur, uh,
pardon me, our squire,

slipped the imitation
jewel into Mr. Olsen's kit

as they entered the museum.

And as planned,

the supposed theft
created a diversion,

allowing me to escape.

Oh, then what disturbs you,

Sir Arthur?

Last night I hid in the museum

after closing.

I slipped into the armor
this morning, before opening.

But somehow I lost a cuff link.

Not one of the
official society links?

I'm afraid so.

Disastrous.

It might take time, but
eventually they'll learn

who made it and for whom.

Exactly. I'd be arrested.

And the society
would be discovered.

Then where can it be?

The photographer,
Olsen, picked it up.

There's only one thing for it.

We must go on a quest.

That's it. A quest
for the golden link.

Sir Arthur, our duty is clear.

We leave at once.

Such loyalty. The true
spirit of the Round Table.

One for all and all for one.

I'll wait for you
here. Of course.

It is we who serve the king.

Shall we go?

Immediately.

[♪♪♪]

What are you doing
staying at Clark's apartment?

Oh, I've been stayin' there
while my mother's out of town.

Oh, I can imagine the two of
you doing your own cooking.

Ugh. Oh, it's not bad

once you get used to the
indigestion. [CHUCKLES]

Hey.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

This thing's not even runnin'.

Well, let's use the
freight elevator. Come on.

MAN: We have a car waiting.

Uh, thanks just the
same, but we're walking.

We insist.

Oh, haven't we met
you somewhere before?

Doesn't make any difference.

Will you step into
the car, please.

The silliest thing
I ever heard of.

A... A suit of armor
with a coat on.

Correction.

Three suits of
armor with coats on.

What do you think, Miss Lane?

It's a cinch we can
outrun these guys.

Well, of course we can, Jim,

but we might miss a good story.

Besides, what girl
wouldn't wanna date

three knights in a row?

Sir Gawain, I think we
better blindfold them.

Ah, I see you've
succeeded in your quest.

It wasn't easy, sire,

going around a big
city in attire like this.

What better attire could
there be, Sir Gawain?

Oh, none, sire,

except that sometimes we squeak.

It draws attention.

No matter.

Remove the blindfolds.

Oh, golly,

we're in another museum.

I demand to know
what this is all about.

This is the 20th century,

and there aren't any such
things as knights anymore.

In here, it's the 12th century.

Now, Mr. Olsen,
where do you live?

[DEEP VOICE] In yon fen,

[NORMAL VOICE] by
the ness of Loch Vale.

Uh, in other words,

in Mr. Kent's apartment,

at the Standish Arms.

That where you
left the cuff link?

The cuff link. Of course.

That's what they want.

Then you do
understand, fair lady.

I don't know where it is.

In all the confusion, I
forget what I did with it.

I warn you, young varlet.

I must have a better answer.

Tell him, Jim, please.

I can't, Miss Lane.

I... I really don't
know where it is.

I find that hard to believe.

Well, it's a lot easier to
believe than all of this.

A few hours in the dungeon
might restore his memory.

The dungeon, Sir Arthur?

Isn't that a bit severe?

Sir,

I agree with him.

The dungeon's a little severe.

D-don't you have a nice
tower room with a view?

Of course, if you'll tell us
where you left the cuff link.

Oh, we'll do even better.

We'll buy you another pair.

I'm afraid you miss
the point, fair lady.

Somehow, I always do.

You leave me no choice.

Turn around, Mr. Olsen,

and walk toward the hearth.

Sure.

But where is it?

I think you call it a fireplace.

A fireplace?

Why, you wouldn't dare!

Walk, Mr. Olsen. JIMMY: But...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
I forgot my marshmallows.

Walk.

Walk.

Jimmy!

Now, Miss Lane,
the same for you.

MAN: Oh, I say, Sir Arthur,

that's strictly against the
code of the Round Table.

It really is, sir.

Section two, article
one, distinctly states

that all women must
be treated gallantly.

My error. I'm sorry.

Then I don't have to
go into the dungeon?

Certainly.

But you get to walk
down the stairs.

Now, there's a gallant gesture.

Right this way, Miss Lane.

But ho...? How long do
we have to stay down there?

Until we get the cuff link.

Why, that could be never.

For your sake, Miss Lane,

let's hope not.

This way.

[GROANS]

Oh!

Jimmy, are you all right?

Welcome to the days
of yore, Miss Lane.

Oh, thanks a lot.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHING] Well, looks
like all we have to do now

is wait for that good knight

on the white horse
to come along.

We're sorry, Sir Arthur,

our quest was a failure.

There's one more chance.

The apartment where Olsen stays.

With the one called Kent?

Right. It must be searched.

Sir Henry,

I order you to volunteer.

Sir Arthur, I wish to volunteer.

Spoken like a true knight.

The quest is yours.

No, Sir Henry.

This way.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I must get my visor cleaned.

What about a game of chess?

Yes.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

This is the most ridiculous
case I've had for years.

Looking for a man who
swiped a suit of armor.

The boys down at headquarters
are calling me the Tinsmith.

[LAUGHING] You know how
to stop them, don't you, Bill?

Get your man.

Oh, yeah?

Now if he hadn't
goofed with the emerald,

I'd have a chance.

He'd have to
peddle it sooner or...

Wait, Bill, I keep telling you,

he didn't want the emerald.

But that stone is worth $20,000.

I understand that,

but he only wanted
the suit of armor.

[SIGHING] All right, then I'll
have to wait until next Halloween

and check all the
masquerade parties.

That's about the size of it.

Just give me a nice,
simple bank robbery

and I'd be happy.

Well, I'll see you
in the morning.

Wait a minute. I'll go with you.

I'm going home too.

All right, you. Reach.

Easy, bud.

That tin suit won't stop a .38.

Hold it. Hold it.
Don't sh**t him.

Careful, Mr. Kent,
he's dangerous.

Oh, must be some mistake, boys.

This gentleman's
a friend of mine.

Friend of yours?

We got a phone call
that he's dangerous.

Warned us to sh**t
first if he made a move.

Well, that's very interesting.

However, I'll assume
full responsibility.

You...? You don't wanna
prefer any charges?

No, boys, no charges.

Okay, Mr. Kent, if you say so.

Good night.

Good night. Sorry
you were bothered.

[SIGHING] I... I don't know
how to thank you, Mr. Kent.

Start out by telling
me who you are

and what you're
doing in my apartment.

Oh, I can't. We...
We're sworn to secrecy.

Whoever called the police
wasn't sworn to secrecy.

Somebody betrayed me,
but I still can't believe it.

Well, you'd better believe it.

That somebody's
trying to get you k*lled.

Just think it over for a minute.

I am sure that
you'll wanna talk.

[SIGHS]

You see,

my name is really Oliver Smith.

I used to be in the
lumber business.

But since I retired, my
only interest is the S.P.K.D.

S.P.K.D.?

Yeah, the Society
for the Preservation

of Knighthood and...

A-and Dragons.

I see. A secret society?

Yes.

One of our members lost a cuff
link that, uh, might expose us.

And that's what I
was looking for here.

Mm-hm. Who else
knew that you'd be here?

Only Sir Arthur and Sir
Gawain and Sir Lancelot.

Would any of them have a reason

to want you outta the way?

Oh, but this is just a
harmless club, Mr. Kent.

It's merely an unusual hobby.

It's the secrecy that
makes it exciting.

Well, it isn't, uh, harmless
anymore, Mr. Smith.

There must be a reason.

Well,

we did take an oath.

You see, we're
all quite wealthy.

And we put all our money

in negotiable
bonds at the castle

to carry on the society.

Now, let me see
if I understand this.

If anything happens
to the three of you,

the fourth would inherit
the money, correct?

Yes, it... It would
work that way.

Well, one of you is a very
desperate man, Mr. Smith.

The question is, which one? I...

I don't know.

But not me, certainly,
I-I wouldn't harm a fly.

No, no, of course you wouldn't.

Uh, one more question.

Where is this castle?

It's out in the country,

in an area called Balmore Woods.

Balmore Woods. Good.

Now, let's get outta the armor.

M...? My...? My armor?

That's right. From now on,

you're gonna start
acting like a grown man.

Here, I'll give you a hand.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHING]

No pockets?

N... No. No pockets.

That's tough.

You see, it was a
little bulky with the rest

of my street clothes on
underneath the armor.

I understand. It
looks a little drafty too.

Fortunately, you have
your topcoat over here.

Oh, yes. Uh,
thank you, Mr. Kent.

I presume you have
a car downstairs?

Yes. Are we going someplace?

No, but you are.

I suggest you go home,

lock the door real tight,

and stay out of trouble.

Oh, uh, Mr. Kent, uh,

if what you say is true

and one of the knights
is a potential k*ller,

you should know that
Miss Lane and Mr. Olsen

are being held
c*ptive in the castle.

Thank you, Mr. Smith.

[♪♪♪]

I'm beginnin' to feel like
the Count of Monte Cristo.

How long did it take him
to dig a tunnel and escape?

Oh, only about 15 years, Jim.

At that rate, I'll be the oldest
cub reporter in the world.

Now all I have to do
is sound like Sir Henry.

[SIR HENRY'S VOICE] Now all I
have to do is sound like Sir Henry.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHING] How long do you think

they'll keep us here?

Who knows what they'll do.

That's true.

I get a feeling that this
whole thing is a cover-up

for somethin' pretty sinister.

[♪♪♪

It's 20 minutes since your
last move, Sir Lancelot.

My mind isn't on the game.

I'm worried about Sir Henry.

Suppose he's caught?

Do you think he has been?

It's a possibility.

[♪♪♪]

Checkmate.

b*at you again.

SIR HENRY: Congratulations.

Sir Henry. Welcome back.

We were concerned about you.

Yes, indeed. Welcome
back, Sir Henry.

Did you get it?

The cuff link?
I'm afraid not. It...

It just wasn't there.

Besides, the police
almost caught me in the act.

The police?

Oh, Sir Henry, I should never

have sent you on this quest.

It was part of my duty, sir.

Then we're still in
danger of discovery.

Oh, uh, how are the
captives holding out?

Well, have a look, Sir Henry.

Perhaps Mr. Olsen's
memory has returned.

Uh, yes, of course.

But, Sir Henry,

have you forgotten
the secret panel?

No, no, of course not,

uh, the secret panel.

Oh.

You don't know!

You're an imposter.

Who are you?

What have you done to Sir Henry?

[NORMAL VOICE] That is something

you'll have to discover

for yourselves. Seize him.

A stretch in the
dungeon'll make him talk.

[SIGHS] I don't
think this tunnel thing

is gonna work, Miss Lane.

Here. You can keep
your fingernail file.

I don't think anything
is gonna work, Jimmy.

These characters probably intend

to keep us here forever.

[DOOR BANGS]

Chain him to the wall.
He mustn't escape.

What did he do?

SIR ARTHUR: Like you, he refuses

to tell us certain things.

But I still don't remember.

Well, perhaps you will.
[CHAINS CLINKING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

He's locked us in.

SIR GAWAIN: Quick. Sir Arthur,

Sir Arthur! Sir...

Well, I regret to say

we're all in the same boat

or dungeon, as the case may be.

I never heard of anything
like this at King Arthur's court.

Believe me, we meant you
no harm when all this started.

Well, I wish we could say
the same for your Sir Arthur.

But who's he? We have no idea.

He may be an enemy.

But we better keep him chained.

Hello down there,

you silly fools.

I meant to dispose
of you one at a time,

but circumstances have changed.

Make yourselves comfortable.

The real Sir Henry
should be here shortly.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

But why, Sir Lancelot, why?

It's obvious that you,

Sir Henry and myself
have been fools.

Sir Arthur intends that we die

so that he can get our money.

I wish that character
were Superman.

He'd have us outta
here in a hurry.

Oh, stop dreaming, Jim.

We'll probably never
see Superman again.

[RINGING]

Hello.

Oh, yes, yes, Sir Arthur.

Thank heavens.

Yes, I-I'm out on bail.

Listen, closely, Sir Henry.

There's a traitor in our midst.

An attempt was made on my life.

And on mine.

Then it must be Sir
Gawain or Lancelot.

Exactly.

Fortunately I've got them both

locked in the dungeon.

But you must get
here immediately

to help me find out
which is the scoundrel.

Perhaps both of them.

Of course, Sir Arthur.
I'll leave right away.

[♪♪♪]

Sir Arthur was right
about one thing.

We are fools.

And this is what we
get for pretending

to be something we aren't.

I'm afraid you're right.

But he's got to
get rid of all of us

before he's safe.

If only Sir Henry doesn't
fall into his clutches.

Sir Henry, you don't know

how glad I am to see you.

And you, Sir Arthur.

This is an awful thing.

An awful thing, Sir Henry.

An awful thing.

As I see it, Sir Henry,

there's no need for formalities.

The quicker, the
better. Consequently...

Sir Henry! Sir Henry!

There goes that last chance

you were talking about.

He tricked me.

He was the one.

It's too late now.

This is the last
and final meeting

of the Society for
the Preservation

of Knighthood and Dragons.

Lucky for us, Miss Lane,

we made it just in time
to become members.

SIR ARTHUR: Hello down there.

I'm sending you
a little present.

Don't try to put it out.

It's impossible.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

LOIS: Gas, poison gas!

[ALL COUGHING]

He's right, it can't
be smothered out.

Get away, Miss Lane.

Superman.

But why? Why did you wait?

Follow me, Miss Lane, please.

[♪♪♪]

Come along, Sir Arthur.

We'll treat you to a sample

of good old
20th-century justice.

Jeepers, Superman,

all we started out to do

was to spend a quiet
hour in the museum.

Jimmy, do me a favor, will you?

What? Promise me never to go

near the
prehistoric-man exhibit.

I shudder to think what might
happen if you wound up there.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter?

I remember where
the cuff link is.

Where? Right here.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, no.

I remember now.

I wore it so I wouldn't
forget where it was.

Superman, don't let
Clark find out about this.

He'll really rub it in.

Well, Miss Lane, I'll
make a bargain with you.

If you don't tell him, I won't.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the next thrill-packed episode

in the amazing
Adventures of Superman.

Superman is based
on the original character

appearing in Superman magazine.