01x21 - The Human b*mb

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Adventures of Superman". Aired: September 19, 1952 – April 28, 1958.*
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Beloved series based on comic book characters and concepts that Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster created in 1938 where Superman battles crooks, gangsters, and other villains in the fictional city of Metropolis while masquerading "off duty" as Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent.
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01x21 - The Human b*mb

Post by bunniefuu »

Faster than a speeding b*llet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings
at a single bound.


- Look. Up in the sky.
-lt's a bird.

- It's a plane.
-lt's Superman.

Yes, it's Superman,
strange visitor from another planet...


...who came to Earth with powers
and abilities...


...far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change
the course of mighty rivers...


...bend steel in his bare hands...

...and who. disguised as Clark Kent...

---mild-mannered reporter
for a great metropolitan newspaper.


...fights a never-ending battle for truth,
justice and the American way.


And now, another exciting episode
in the Adventures oi Superman.


Hello. Butler.

Oh. hello. Conway.

- Are you alone?
- Join me.

Oh. thanks. I will.

- Drink?
- No. No. thanks.

I was just reading about Superman's
latest exploit. Fabulous character.

Even more fabulous than
the fabulous Mr. Butler?

A good deal more.
Have you seen this?

“Superman wages w*r against crime.“

He closed gambling places
in two hours. single-handed.

- Simply amazing.
- Do I detect a note of envy?

You certainly do.

Can you imagine
having that much power?

The power to fly like a bird...

...to span thousands of miles
in the twinkling of an eye...

...to smash through concrete walls
as if they were paper...

...to defy authority
without fear of punishment.

But Superman doesn't defy authority.
He cooperates with it.

I know. But he has the power to.
If he wants to exercise it.

That's what counts.
The power. the ability.

What would you do with all this power
if you had it, if you were Superman?

Let's not go into that.

But I was thinking.
while I was reading that paper...

...almost better than being Superman
would be having the ability to control him.

If you accomplish that.
let me know about it.

I have a few odd jobs
I'd like him to do for me.

To be able to say
you control Superman...

...even if it were
only for minutes. why...

...it's like saying you hold the world
in the palm of your hand.

No king. no emperor...

...no dictator ever had more power.

Aren't you getting
a little too serious about this. Butler?

I never was more serious in my life.

L'd give almost anything I own to be able
to control Superman for just minutes.

That's impossible. so why talk about it?

- I don't think it's impossible.
- Oh. come. now.

Would you like to make a little bet?

I should've suspected. knowing you. that
you were leading up to something like this.

- Okay. what's the gimmick?
- No gimmick.

It’ll make you a bet I can
control Superman for minutes.

So just what do you mean by control?

Make him do my bidding.
keep him in my power.

- For minutes?
- That's right.

- Okay. you've got a bet. How much?
- One hundred thousand dollars.

Aren't you going a little steep?

You want me to do the impossible.
don't you? Let's make it worthwhile.

All right. You're on.

One hundred thousand dollars you can't
control Superman for minutes.

And now I think I'll have that drink.

What I have to say I will say
only to Miss Lane, privately.

He says he has to see you privately.

Yes. ma'am.

- It's the third door on the left.
- Third door on the left.

Come in.

How do you do. Miss Lane.
My name is b*mb.

- B-A-U-M.
- No. not B-A-U-M. B-O-M-B. b*mb.

- That's a rather odd name.
- Yes. And my first name is Human.

lam a human b*mb.

I'm sorry. I have other things to do now.
So if you'll please excuse me--

Just a moment, please.

Of all the ridiculous things...

Why. you're crazy.

Go ahead. You may call anyone you wish.

Hello. send Mr. Kent in here quickly.

He's out?
Well. send someone in here. anyone.

If this is a joke. I don't think much
of your sense of humor.

Believe me. it's no joke.

Hey. what's going on here?

- What's the idea?
- He says he's a human b*mb. Jim.

You mean he's gonna explode?

Whether I do or not
depends entirely on Miss Lane.

Take that handcuff off.
or I'll poke you one.

Be careful. If I press this button. all three of
us will be blown to kingdom come.

Who are you trying to kid?
That stuff isn't dynamite.

Examine it.

It looks real.

All right. let's assume it is real.
What do you want? Money. I suppose.

No. not money. At least. not from you.

All I want is Superman.

In the first place. what makes you think
I could deliver Superman?

- And if I could. what do you want with him?
- Just a small favor.

Jim. get Mr. Kent.

No. wait. No. wait.

- Get the chief.
- Okay. And should I phone the police?

By all means. Jim. and shut the door
as you go out. please.

- You'll go to jail for this. you know that.
- Probably. but it should be worth it.

- Do you mind if I sit down?
- You'd better not.

As a matter of fact. this office
may become a little crowded...

...as soon as your young friend
has given the alarm.

And I don't like to be crowded.

We're quite high. aren't we?

We wouldn't be crowded
out on that ledge. would we?

- Well. it might be a little windy.
- Let's try it and find out.

No. please! I can't stand heights.
I get sick and dizzy.

Be careful. Miss Lane. the detonator.

Be a good girl, Miss Lane.
and do as I say.

No answer at Kent's place.
He must be on his way over.

Gosh. I hope so.
Somebody's gotta do something.

“Somebody's gotta do something“?

Are you inferring Kent
can do anything I can't?

No. Mr. White. lt's only that
Miss Lane's in there with that nut...

...and sometimes Mr. Kent
can get in touch with Superman.

Are you inferring that Superman
can do something I can't do?

Well. I guess maybe you're gonna fire me.
chief. but let's face it, the answer is yes.

Guess you're right. Let's go.

Are you trying to kid me?

Honest. chief. they were here.
But they're not here now. are they?

- Sam. where did Lois go?
- Didn't see her come out. boss.

- Lois. come in from there this minute!
-l'd love to. chief. but he won't let me.

Quick. get me police headquarters.
Deputy Inspector Hill.

Let's go inside, where we can
talk this over calmly.

No. In fact. I think we'll move
a few steps farther on.

We're just a trifle too close
to that window.

It's your high heels.

Watch out!

He's got her up there on the ledge.

Superman there yet?

Nope.

That's a real stick of dynamite
if I ever saw one.

- Did you ever see a real stick of dynamite?
- Well. no. but it sure looks real.

- Says dynamite right on it.
- Doesn't mean a thing.

Clark. would you please do something.
Get Superman.

An excellent idea, Mr. Kent.
By all means. get Superman.

Do you think I can turn him
on and off like a faucet?

This has gone far enough.
Come in here.

Not until Superman arrives, Mr. Kent.

Chief. I never thought the Daily Planet
would be guilty of a thing like this.

- What do you mean?
- The cheapest kind of publicity stunt...

-...manufacturing headlines.
- But. Mr. Kent. this is for real, for sure.

And risking the life not only of
some stuntman. but Lois too.

- If she let you talk her into--
- You're crazy if you--

Sure. I’m crazy if I become a party
to this kind of sensational journalism.

- Oh. but. look. Mr. Kent--
- I don't want any part of it. I’m leaving.

We could be here days waiting
for Superman to show up.

I hardly think so. Superman always seems
to show up whenever you're in trouble.

It may even be that he's fond of you.

- Cigarette. Miss Lane?
- No thanks.

And I'd just as soon you didn't
smoke either. with all that dynamite.

- Superman!
- Don't come any closer.

- How did you find out about this?
-lt's hardly any secret.

- Now. what is it you want?
- Just your company for minutes.

- He's crazy.
- If this is some cheap publicity stunt--

Hardly. Both the danger
and the dynamite are real.

If you have any doubts, you'll find
a stick of it on Miss Lane's desk.

- Chief. Superman's here!
- Thank heaven.

That the dynamite?

Yes. this character gave it to Jimmy
to prove he wasn't faking.

He isn't. It looks like dynamite. feels like
dynamite and smells like dynamite.

Couldn't you take it to the police lab
and have it analyzed?

- Now. look here. Olsen. I guess if I say--
- We'll soon find out.

It's rigged with a detonating cap.

Hand me the flashgun from
that camera. will you please.

- Great Caesar's ghost, you're not gonna--
- Not in here, Mr. White.

Thank you.

Golly.

It is dynamite.

He's all right. He's coming down.

- All right. what do you want?
- You're convinced my dynamite is real?

- Just what is it you want?
- Your company and your cooperation.

You'll have to be more explicit.

I want your cooperation for minutes
while I win a bet.

- A bet?
- Yes.

L've wagered $ ,
that I can have a robbery committed...

...at a time and place which you.
Superman. are aware of...

-...and you will do nothing to prevent it.
- That guy is nuts.

Do you mean you're risking your own life and
that of Miss Lane as well just to win a bet?

Obviously you don't know me. I enjoy
living dangerously. Stay where you are.

The robbery I spoke of will take place within
minutes at the Metropolis Museum.

Nothing of great value will be stolen.
In any event. it will be returned.

You will remain here and do nothing to
prevent the robbery. ls that clear?

- It may be clear to him. but it's not to me.
- Please. inspector.

- Don't interfere. Let him handle it.
- Well. do we have a deal or don't we?

What happens at the end of minutes?

I release Miss Lane.

- All right.
- All right. what?

- Go ahead with your robbery.
- Where are you going?

Inside. I get nervous.
seeing Miss Lane out here.

- It makes you nervous?
- I warn you. Superman. don't leave.

You'll see me.

Superman went into Kent's office.
Come on.

Let me take a couple of boys
out on the ledge and grab that guy.

Not now. Riley. Maybe later.

Okay. Let's go.

What are you doing?!

There's a tape recorder in Mr. White's
office. isn't there? Get it.

Keep the motor running.

- What are you gonna do with that thing?
- Make a one-line recording. Okay.

Now. the next time I speak to that
character on the ledge. get it on the tape.

Superman!

Superman?

I want your assurance
that you're staying there.

No comment until the time limit is up.

You're just going to sit there
and leave me out here?

No comment until the time limit is up.

Good.

Now. the next time either he or
Miss Lane speaks to me. play it back.

Would you mind telling us
just what you're up to?

Mr. White. will you step in front of that
window and block their view for a minute.

Inspector. take off your coat, please.

Sit down.

Are you there, Superman?

No comment until the time limit is up.

Mr. White.

- You sit there and don't move.
- Where are you going?

It’ll be back in a few minutes.

You're still there. I see.

No comment until the time limit is up.

Better let me handle that thing.
You're a cinch to botch it.

It won't be much longer. Miss Lane.

I just told Miss Lane
it won't be much longer. Superman.

I turned the wrong switch
and wiped it off the tape.

He said it twice.
lt's on the tape again further back.

I said. it won't be much longer.
huh. Superman?

No comment until the time limit is up.

What are you doing?

- It isn't there. The guy's a fake.
- What isn't there?

Nothing.

Hello. Miriam? Yeah. it's me. Jim.

I may not be able to keep that date tonight.
No. maybe not tomorrow night either.

Maybe never. But. Miriam.
I wanted you to know that l...

Golly. Miriam. you know what I mean.

You do?

Well. goodbye. Miriam.

- Did you get it?
- Sure. a cinch. Move over.

- Come on. let's go. Get going.
- Something's wrong.

- Well. put her in gear.
- I got her in gear.

Well. we ain't moving.

The wheels are spinning.
Can't you hear them?

Look.

Superman!

There's a police station
right around the corner.

The sergeant will be very happy
to give you both free room and board.

Just a few more minutes. Superman.

No comment until the time limit is up.

How does it feel to be hog-tied for once?

No comment until the time limit is up.

Just keep right on sitting there. Superman.

I haven't taken my eyes
off that window for a second.

- Get back.
- Jim. for heaven's sake.

I'm not gonna get back.

And unless that phony gets himself
and you inside the office...

...I’m gonna whack him
over the head with this.

L've warned you.

Press the button.
You know nothing will happen.

Superman. you'd better get this
young fool off my neck.

No comment until the time limit is up.

If I’m a young fool, you're an old one.
because Superman isn't even in there.

- They've got his voice on a tape recorder.
- Jim. please.

- You're lying.
- That stupid kid.

Mr. White! Inspector Hill! If Superman's in
there. tell him to come to the window.

- Don't listen to that kid.
- Olsen. get in here instantly or you're fired!

I'm sorry. Mr. White. but I can't let
anybody push Miss Lane around.

He double-crossed me.
Superman double-crossed me.

- Please. you don't understand.
- I understand perfectly.

Take that handcuff off Miss Lane.

Okay. Miss Lane. Now. squeeze by me
and climb through the window.

- Jim. there isn't enough room. You go first.
- Neither of you goes in until I've left.

Come on. Miss Lane. please.

- Now I go. and don't anyone try to stop me.
- You're not going anywhere.

- L've warned you.
- Go on. press that dopey button.

Nothing will happen,
because that's phony dynamite!

Olsen. stay away from him! Keep back!

Go on. Why don't you try to blow me up!

- You meddling fool!
- Stupid fake!

Jim!

Somebody do something. He'll be k*lled.

No! No. you might hit Jim.

Look. look!

Thank heavens.

All right. let's get inside.

Golly. Superman. any time I can ever do
anything for you, just--

- Everything under control. inspector?
- Fine. if you like this sort of work.

Jim. why did you go out there?

Gosh. I was only trying
to save Miss Lane.

And besides. I knew the dynamite
that guy had strapped to him was phony.

- You knew it was phony?
- How. Jim?

Well. because that first stick
of dynamite he showed us...

...said it was made by the
Apex Powder Company...

...but when I looked for it
in the phone book...

-...it wasn't even listed.
- But the first stick did explode. remember?

The fact that it isn't
in the Metropolis phone book...

...doesn't mean that it isn't
in some other city.

Do you know who this crazy loon is?
He's Bet-a-Million Butler.

He'll bet on anything.

Now it's my turn to blow up.

We can take him down
to headquarters now...

...and we don't have to
pamper him on the way.

No matter what happened. Jim.
I appreciate the risk you took for me.

I think the paper could spare a raise for you.
provided you don't pull any more fool stunts.

Golly. thanks. chief.
And thanks. Miss Lane.

Oh. it's you.

I'm glad to see you've come to your senses
and cut out that publicity gag.

Yeah. some gag.

And where were you during all this.
If I may ask?

Me? I went fishing.

Caught a big one too.

[ENGLISH]
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