04x09 - The Show Must Go On

[bunniefuu]

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Did you enjoy
your breakfast, sir?

Yes, ma'am, and it was
real nice of you to ask.

Real nice. Everything
was fine, just fine.

Oh, Miss.

Yes?

I believe my hotcakes are ready.

I would like them

before rigor mortis sets in.

Oh, thank you.

Is there anything
else I can get for you?

No, thank you, ma'am.

Hi, Pyle.

Oh, hey, Sergeant Carter.

I see you found my note I
was having breakfast in here.

Yeah, but you didn't have
to pin it to my pajamas.

I wanted to be sure
that you found it,

and you was sleeping
just like a little baby.

Uh, just a second, Pyle.

Excuse me, friend, would
you mind moving over?

I'm with him.

There's an empty
seat right over there.

We got some important
business to talk over.

Since you have my place,

you might as well
have my breakfast.

Golly, Sergeant,
that poor feller,

maybe I better go after him

and tell him he
can have my seat.

Ah, just an excitable civilian.

They haven't learned to
stand around the way we have.

Anyway, we got more
important things to worry about.

Now listen, Pyle, tonight is it.

This Navy Relief
Show is the payoff

for our whole Washington
trip. You got to be great.

I'll do my best, Sergeant.

Okay.

And one more thing.

I don't want you to
get nervous or excited,

but do you know who's coming
down to produce the show,

and he's gonna be at
rehearsals this morning?

Dan Merrill.

Well, that don't make
me the least bit nervous.

It don't?

No, sir, I never heard of him.

Dan Merrill is the big
Broadway producer.

He's got more hits
than I got stripes.

And temperamental?

He's fired actors just for
looking at him the wrong way.

Golly... Hello, Room Service?

I'd like to order
breakfast in my room.

That's right, 415.

Mr. Dan Merrill.

Why'd we come on back
to the room, Sergeant?

Shouldn't we be getting
on over to Constitution Hall?

We got a little time, Pyle.

So first, we'll have
a private rehearsal.

Private rehearsal? What for?

Pyle, the only reason
they sent me to Washington

with you is to make
sure you do all right.

Now, if you look
good in front of Merrill,

I'll look good.

If you look bad, I look bad.

And I got news for you, Pyle,

you ain't gonna
make me look bad.

I'd never do that, Sergeant.

Okay, now let's hear
how you do your song.

Take it from the top.

From the top?

Pyle, that's showbiz talk.

It means, "Start it
from the beginning."

All right, Sergeant,

but I'm still a little
worried about that song.

Do you think "Only A Rose"
is all right for an audience

of Navy and Marine men?

They'll love it!

It was my father's
favorite song,

and he was a Marine.

Marines are sentimental.

Somebody didn't like it,
he'd punch 'em in the mouth.

I guess you know best, Sergeant.

Sure, now let's see how you
do the song from the beginning.

From the top.

Yeah, from the top.

Look, you go in there

and come out when I
give you an introduction.

I want to check what
kind of entrance you make.

All right.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it is my privilege and pleasure

to bring you the
pride of the Marines,

Sergeant Carter's own
personal protégé, Gomer Pyle.

The door's stuck, Sergeant.

Ladies and
gentlemen, Gomer Pyle.

Hold it!

What kind of entrance is that?

You walk like a man who's
been beaned by a fastball.

Pyle, when you come in,

you gotta have poise, assurance.

I'm sorry, Sergeant,

but that's all the
assurance I got.

I'll do it again.

No, no, you'll just get stuck.

Go ahead and sing.

♪ Only a rose I give you ♪

♪ Only a song dying away ♪

♪ Only a smile to
keep in memory... ♪

Hold it, hold it.

Pyle... words have meanings.

When you sing "Only a
smile to keep in memory,"

you give them a smile.

A tender smile, like this.

That's kinda hard to do

when you're singing, Sergeant.

We don't have much time.

You watch me

and I'll run through
the whole thing

from the beginning... the top.

Give me an introduction.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Sergeant Carter.

You're right,
Pyle, it does stick!

Well, don't just stand there!

Open it up!

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
Sergeant Carter.

You see? You come
in with confidence.

And you look at the
audience like you own 'em.

Then when there's
complete silence...

you turn and give a little nod

to the piano player.

And then... ♪ Only
a rose I give you ♪

♪ Only a song dying away ♪

♪ Only a smile to
keep in memory... ♪

You think you can do that, Pyle,

the entrance, the gestures?

You think you can sing
it that way for Merrill?

I don't think
anybody in the world

can sing it like that, Sergeant.

But I'll try. I'll sure try.

Holy smoke, I didn't
know it was so late.

Come on. Let's get
over to Constitution Hall.

We don't wanna be
late for that rehearsal.

Can't this elevator
go any faster?

We're gonna be late.

I hope that don't make a
bad impression on Mr. Merrill.

Don't worry about him.

I'll take care of him.

This ain't the lobby.

What are we stopping here for?

Somebody must have
pressed the button on this floor.

Well, I don't see
anybody. Let's get moving

But Sergeant...
Push the lobby button.

Right, Sergeant.

Hold it. Hold the
doors, please, will ya?

Hold it!

Whoops!

We're sorry, mister!

There's a guy who's gonna
be coming down looking for this.

Give it to him, will ya?

I'm sorry, sir, but
this cab's reserved.

Sure, sure, they're
always reserved.

Buddy, we're in a big hurry.

We got an important rehearsal.

Now come on. Get in.

You! That's my cab!

Hey, fella, has
Mr. Merrill come in yet?

No, no, not yet.

Whew! What a relief.

We're in the clear, Pyle.

No sweat, no trouble.

Boy, it's a lucky
thing we got that taxi.

What luck? I
grabbed it, didn't I?

You'd probably still
be stuck at the hotel

if it wasn't for me.

You're right, Sergeant.

Yes, sir?

I'm Dan Merrill.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Merrill.

I have some telephone
messages for you, sir.

Oh, good. Thank you.

Fellas, fellas, that's
Mr. Merrill over there.

Come on. Let's
introduce ourselves.

But Sergeant...

Come on. Pyle, it's
another thing you gotta learn

about show business,
you can't be bashful.

You can't hang back.

You got to make
friends right off.

Mr. Merrill...

Oh, it's you two...
Laurel and Hardy.

Well, what are you doing here,

planning to
booby-trap the theater?

Well, uh, this is Gomer Pyle,

and he's gonna sing on the show,

and I... I'm Sergeant Carter.

I'm sort of his
personal manager.

We're real sorry
about what happened

at the hotel, Mr. Merrill.

We didn't mean any harm.

That's right. It was all
a bunch of mistakes.

Like they say,
forgive and forget?

Yeah. If you'll excuse
me, we have a rehearsal.

That's right. The
show must go on.

Did you just make that up?

Did you, Sergeant?

Well, now, who's next?

Private First Class Gomer Pyle.

♪ Only a rose I give you ♪

♪ Only a song dying away ♪

♪ Only a smile to
keep in memory ♪

♪ Until we meet another day... ♪

Just a moment, please.

Pyle, who taught you that
entrance and those gestures?

Sergeant Carter,
sir. He taught me

everything.

Look, you have a fine voice.

Just try to sing naturally, and
forget about those gestures.

But sir... And another thing,

that song isn't right
for this kind of a show.

But that's my...

I want something
a little inspirational

for your particular part.

Do you happen to know
"Impossible Dream"?

No, sir, but I've
heard it before.

I just never have sung it.

Then you'll learn it.

Just a minute. I
don't like that song

half as much as "Only A Rose."

Oh? Well, I do.

Shall we continue?

Just a minute, Mr. Merrill.

I got him on this show.

I discovered him. I helped him.

I know you're in
charge of the show,

but I'm in charge of him

and I say he sings
"Only A Rose."

All right, we don't
have any time to argue.

The next act, please.

Sergeant, I'm afraid you
got Mr. Merrill kinda angry.

Don't worry. He'll cool off.

Them temperamental
types are all alike.

You gotta meet 'em head on

to keep 'em from
pushing you around

And I won the
argument, didn't I?

I guess I showed him
it means something

to be a sergeant in the Marines.

If you give Mr. Merrill
any more trouble,

you won't be a sergeant
in the Marines much longer.

Yes, sir.

You know you almost
lost Mr. Merrill for us?

It was all I could do to
persuade him to stay on.

Sergeant, have you any idea

how important
this show is to us?

I think I do, sir.

I think you don't.

It won't be just Marine and
Navy men in that audience.

It's usually attended

by a good number of
congressmen and senators.

Sometimes even
the vice president.

In fact, there's a chance
that the president himself

may be in the audience.

Therefore, you are going to do

whatever Mr. Merrill
tells you to do, aren't you?

Yes, sir! And you will make sure

that Private Pyle does, too.

In fact, I'm going to hold
you personally responsible

for Pyle's performance.

Oh, boy. Who knew?

Who knew?!

Who knew what, Sergeant?

You never did tell
me what happened

in Colonel Richardson's office.

Nothing happened,
Pyle, nothing at all!

I got the feeling that
it was something.

Okay, but it's nothing for
you to get nervous about.

It's not your neck that's
sticking out, it's mine.

How come?

Because if you don't
sing good tonight,

I lose my stripes,
that's how come!

I thought this was a show

just for the Marines
and the Navy.

Well, ain't it?

No, it ain't.

Who knew there were gonna
be all kinds of important people

in the audience?

What kind of all kinds
of important people?

Congressmen. Senators.

Congressmen? Senators?

You'd think they would've
told me about it ahead of time.

Maybe even the vice
president will be there.

The vice president?

Probably even the
president himself!

The president himself...

That's right, the president
of the United States.

He's coming to the show
tonight, is that what you're saying?

He's coming to hear me sing?

Pyle, your voice.

What happened to it?

I don't know.

Pyle, don't tell me
you're losing your voice.

Say something. Keep talking.

What do you want me to say?

Oh, boy, I told you
not to get nervous!

Sorry, Sergeant,
I couldn't help it.

But when you told me
congressmen and senators,

and the vice president
and the president

are all coming to the show,

it made me so
nervous I can't talk...

Come on, you can get
down a few more spoonfuls.

Nothing better than
hot chicken soup

and melted honey for a throat.

Well? Feel any improvement?

I just feel full.

Is that camphor towel
around your neck hot enough?

Yes, sir.

Well, you can talk a little.

Can't you sing a little?

Yes, sir, but not as
loud as I can talk.

Open your mouth.

Any change now?

Yes.

There is?

I think it's worse.

Look, Pyle, I got a great idea.

Pretend the show is over.

We're not going in, we're
going out... but this way.

You see, you're
on your way home.

There's no more
show to worry about.

But Sergeant, it ain't no use.

Okay. Okay. I give up.

It's almost show time.

What do I tell Merrill?

Tell him the truth.

Tell him it was all
my fault, that I...

Where you going?

I don't know.

I guess I'll just walk around.

But how could you wait

until ten minutes
before curtain time

to tell me he's lost his voice?

Well, I was hoping
he'd get it back.

The kid just choked up
and I thought he'd get over it.

What did you do
to him this time?

Nothing. Nothing. I was just
trying to encourage the boy.

Well, you encouraged
him right out of his voice.

Well, I'm sorry,
sir. Can't you get

somebody else
to fill in for him?

Get someone else now?!

Do you realize it's
almost curtain time, man?

Something wrong, Marine?

Yes, sir.

Hey, you better get to bed, boy.

Sounds like you got a bad cold.

It ain't a cold.

Oh? Then what is it?

It's a long story.

Well... I got lots of time.

What's the matter?

Well, it was... it was...

this big Navy Relief
Show tonight...

and that's the whole story.

I got so scared, I lost my
voice and I can't sing a note.

You know something, friend?

When I sat down here, it was
because I felt sorry for you.

But I'm not anymore.
I'm really not.

The ones I feel sorry for

are the people who
were counting on you.

Sergeant Carter, the audience,

they're the ones
you're letting down.

But I can't help it.

I'm frightened.

Frightened?

Right now, it's the
biggest thing in my life.

Well, maybe so,

but I can't sympathize
with you too much.

Now, you take him there.

He had a lot more to worry
about than facing an audience.

He had great decisions to make,

and he must have been frightened

and unsure of
himself many a time,

but he didn't let it stop him
from doing what he had to do.

But he was a great man.

And I'm no hero.

You know what I
figure a hero is?

It's a man doing
the job he has to do

the best he knows how.

You think about that.

"Four score and seven years ago,

"our fathers brought
forth on this continent

"a new nation,
"conceived in liberty

"and dedicated to the
proposition that all men

are created equal."

Equal... Equal?

Equal!

Hey!

Well... Shazam.

Sergeant Carter...
Sergeant Carter!

I got my voice back! I can sing.

Your voice is back?

Are you sure,
Pyle? Are you sure?

Of course. You
heard what I just said.

Yeah, that's right!

Hey, you're supposed
to go on. Come on.

Excuse me, please. Excuse me.

Excuse me. MERRILL:
Now, ladies and gentlemen,

if you'll look at your
programs, you'll see

that our next performer is

Marine Private First
Class Gomer Pyle.

However...

And so, ladies and gentlemen,
I am proud to present

Marine Private First
Class Gomer Pyle!

♪ To dream the
impossible dream ♪

♪ To fight the unbeatable foe ♪

♪ To bear with
unbearable sorrow ♪

♪ To run where the
brave dare not go ♪

♪ To right the
unrightable wrong ♪

♪ To love pure and
chaste from afar ♪

♪ To try when your
arms are too weary ♪

♪ To reach the
unreachable star ♪

♪ This is my quest ♪

♪ To follow that star ♪

♪ No matter how hopeless ♪

♪ No matter how far ♪

♪ To fight for the right ♪

♪ Without question or pause ♪

♪ To be willing to march into
Hell for a heavenly cause ♪

♪ And I know, if
I'll only be true ♪

♪ To this glorious quest ♪

♪ That my heart ♪

♪ Will lie peaceful and calm ♪

♪ When I'm laid to my rest ♪

♪ And the world will
be better for this ♪

♪ That one man, scorned
and covered with scars ♪

♪ Still strove, with his
last ounce of courage ♪

♪ To reach the
unreachable star... ♪

♪ To dream the
impossible dream ♪

♪ To fight the unbeatable foe ♪

♪ To bear with
unbearable sorrow ♪

♪ To run where the
brave dare not go... ♪

♪ To run where the
brave dare not go ♪

♪ Though the road
be forever too high ♪

♪ To try, though you're
wayward and weary ♪

♪ To reach the
unreachable star... ♪

♪ To reach the
unreachable star ♪

♪ Though you know
it's impossibly high ♪

♪ To live with your
heart striving upward ♪

♪ To reach ♪

♪ The unreachable... ♪

♪ Star! ♪

How about that?

How about it?

How 'bout what?

He was there after all.

Who was there?

The president himself.

It says right here that
he and the first lady

attended the show.

Well, how about that?

Doesn't make you nervous now?

No, it don't make
me nervous a bit.

Hello.

No, ma'am, but this is his
manager, Sergeant Carter.

Who's coming up to
congratulate us personally?

The commandant
of the Marine Corps?

What's the matter, Sergeant?

What's the matter?

The commandant is coming here.

What?

The head of the
whole Marine Corp's

coming up here
to congratulate us.

Can you believe it?