04x10 - The Better Man

[bunniefuu]

You know, Gomer, I still just

can't get that picture
out of my mind.

It was one of the most
haunting love stories

I think I ever saw.

It sure was.

Boy, that Sandra Dee can
really bring tears to your eyes.

I want to thank you again.

For what?

Well, for taking me to see it.

I know that actually you
prefer monster pictures,

and you were just going
along to make me happy.

Oh, no, Lou Ann.

Fact is, a lot of the monster
pictures have romance in them.

You take King Kong,
that had a lot of love in it.

It did? Yeah, don't you remember

when King Kong was
terrorizing all of New York City?

He had this real tender
feeling for Fay Wray.

Why, when he'd hold
her up in his hand,

you could just see the
gentle look in his eyes.

That's right.

She was the only
one that he liked.

It was ill-fated, though.

I mean, a hundred-foot
gorilla and a five-foot girl,

it never would've worked out.

Oh, looks like you
got something here.

My goodness.

It's a telegram.

Oh, Gomer, the
most wonderful news!

What is it? Well,
it's from my daddy!

He's coming to visit me!

Why, he'll be here tomorrow!

Well, that is a nice
surprise, Lou Ann.

It's been such a long
time since I've seen him.

I can't believe it.

He's actually gonna be here.

Oh, Gomer, you've just
got to come to dinner.

Well, thank you, Lou Ann.

I really am looking
forward to meeting him.

Listen, I'd better go.

You probably got a
million things to do.

That's right, he didn't
give me much time, did he?

Oh, Gomer, thank you
for such a lovely evening.

Thank you.

Golly! Well, I'll see
you tomorrow, Lou Ann.

Good night.

Gomer. Yeah?

Um, whatever you do,

don't let Daddy frighten you.

Frighten me?

He's a very strong-willed person

and set in his ways.

And if he doesn't
like something,

he just roars like a lion.

But inside, he's really just
as gentle as a little lamb.

Well, if he's your
Daddy, I'm sure he is.

Oh, he's going to
like you, Gomer.

I just know he is.

I sure hope so.

Well, good night, Lou Ann.

See you tomorrow.

Baby!

Come here to Daddy.
Give me some sugar.

You just look wonderful!

I was so surprised when I
got the telegram yesterday.

Well, I said to
myself, "It's about time

I saw my little girl," so I
took a couple of days off.

Business can get
along without me.

Oh, Daddy, I'm so glad you did.

It's been too long.

Well, come here,
let me look at you.

Oh, Daddy.

Just what I thought.

You are wasting
away. "Wasting away."

Wasting away to skin and bones.

What's the matter? What have
you been doing to yourself?

Don't you eat anything anymore?

Oh, Daddy, I may
have lost a pound or two

since I left home,
but that's all.

Well, you know I never was
a heavy one to begin with.

Well, you looked
much better back home.

There, you had a bloom to you.

Now look at you, you're
all skinny and pale.

Oh, I knew you should've
never come to the city.

It's the... It's
the air pollution.

I feel fine, Daddy, honest I do.

Oh, how can you live in
the city with this air pollution?

Now, back home in Turtle Creek,

the air is fresh and...
clean and... unpolluted.

I know, Daddy, but...

Well, how do you
like my apartment?

Well, it's, uh...
okay... I guess.

You sure had a much
better room back home.

There you had three big,
wide windows and a view that...

Daddy.

Okay, I'll shut my big mouth.

Well, come on.

Let's not talk about me.

I want to hear all about you.

By the way, you
just look marvelous.

Well, I've been keeping in
shape playing touch football

with, uh, Monroe.

Oh?

He's still quite a fullback.

Solid as he ever was.

And he's a fine boy, a fine boy.

I know, Monroe
always was very nice.

Then, why in the name of heaven,

did you leave him
standing at the altar?!

The star of the Carolina
Aggies football team!

Daddy... Right now, you could've

been Mrs. Monroe
Efford, living in a fine house

high on a hill, instead
of in a dingy room

in a city that's filled
with air pollution.

Daddy, I didn't marry
Monroe for a simple reason:

I didn't love him.

Love? Love is just a matter
of getting used to a person.

Well, that's not the kind
of love I'm looking for.

Oh. This, uh, Gomer Pyle
you've been writing home about,

is that the kind of
love you're looking for?

So far, he's the only
man that interests me.

And I don't mind being
considered his steady.

Daddy, you're going to
meet him in a little while.

He's coming to
have dinner with us.

And I just know you're
gonna be crazy about him.

He's the nicest
person I've ever known.

Here's a picture of him.

Ain't he handsome?

Hmm, kind of weasely.

I think the air pollution
got to him, too.

Oh, Daddy.

That's Gomer.

Daddy, please,
promise you'll be nice.

Hey, Lou Ann.

Well, hi, Gomer.

Goodness, what've you got there?

These are for you.

Thank you, they're beautiful.

Come on in. I want
you to meet my Daddy.

Daddy, this is Gomer.

Gomer, this is my Daddy.

It's an honor to meet you, sir.

Lou Ann's told
me a lot about you.

Aren't these lovely, Daddy?

Why, I could've
sworn they were real.

Where'd you buy them, Gomer?

Oh, I didn't buy them.

I made them myself.

You made them?

You make flowers?

Well, it was really my
first try all by myself.

The only other time was when
Mrs. Freiberger taught me how.

That was during recess
at my rug hooking class.

Rug hooking class?

Yes, sir, I used to go
on Sunday afternoons.

There's nothing
like it for relaxing

and forgetting the
cares of the day.

Not to mention the pretty
rugs you end up with.

Well, you certainly are
the handy one, Gomer.

These are just precious.

Why don't you two go
ahead and get acquainted

while I go find a
vase for these?

Well, how was your
trip, Mr. Poovie?

Fine.

Smooth flight, was it?

Yeah, smooth.

How's everything
back in North Carolina?

Fine.

You hook rugs?

I hadn't really made any
since I quit going to class,

but if somebody comes
up to me and says,

"Gomer, Pyle, hook
me a rug," I'll know how.

These are just beautiful, Gomer.

Just the right touch.

I took the liberty of fixing
you gentlemen a drink.

Bourbon with just a
splash of branch water,

if I remember correctly.

You remember correctly.

And a root beer for you.

Well, golly, thank
you kindly, Lou Ann.

Root beer? Yes, sir.

Sometimes, though, I like
to drink something harder.

You know what my
favorite hard drink is?

Quinine water with a lime.

Boy, that really
has a kick to it.

Well, cheers.

What did you do back
home in Mayberry, Pyle?

I worked in a filling station.

Oh? Your own
gas station, was it?

Oh, no, sir, it was Wally's.

That was the name of
it, Wally's Gas Station.

I was just one of the help.

Oh.

It was a real fine station.

Imagine I'll go
back to work there

after I finish my hitch.

Back to the same job you had?

Don't you want to
improve yourself?

Move up in the world?

Become an executive?

Well, I'm afraid I'm
not the executive type.

And I'm ashamed to say I
haven't had that much education.

I never did go to college.

Well, didn't you ever
have any ambition to go?

Maybe to play on a team?

Win a letter?

Well, not everyone can
go to college, Daddy.

And not everyone
can win a letter.

Besides, working
in a gas station

is a very respectable
occupation.

If it weren't for our
gas station attendants,

America's cars couldn't run.

Boy, you sure have a way

with words, Lou
Ann, you know that?

Well, I'll start
clearing the table now

and get us some more coffee.

Well, I'll help you.

Oh, no, Gomer,
you don't have to.

I'm used to it. I do
K.P. all the time.

Well, Daddy, will you
excuse us for a few minutes?

Sure. Take your time.

Operator, I want to place
a person-to-person call

to Turtle Creek, North Carolina.

The number there is KL4-7451.

And I want to speak
to Mr. Monroe Efford.

Yeah, the number
here is 555-3427.

And hurry, please, Operator.

Yes? Monroe!

Yeah, this is your old
touch football partner.

Yeah, yeah, I'm in
her place right now.

Now, listen, I haven't
got much time to talk.

I just want to ask
you one question.

Do you still really
care for my girl?

Good. Then I'll tell
you what you'll do.

You grab the first
plane out of there,

and you get here
as fast as you can.

To rope her and take
her back, that's why.

'Cause, man, you ain't
got no competition at all,

none at all.

I just met this here Gomer Pyle.

He's nothing but a mouse.

All you've got to do
is flick him aside...

Listen, I can't talk anymore.

You just get out here as
quick as you can, you hear?

Oh, is everything
all right, Daddy?

Oh, everything's fine.

Just fine.

Could you get that,
Daddy? It's Gomer.

I'll be out in a minute.

All right.

Hi, J.R.!

Come on in here.

It's good... ooh, shh!

Lou Ann's just
finished dressing.

That boyfriend of hers
will be here in just a minute.

What's he coming for?

Because I invited him.

Oh, don't you see?

When Lou Ann has
a chance to compare

the two of you side-by-side,

she'll come to her senses and
realize what she threw away.

Yeah. Hey, you're
shrewd, J.R., shrewd.

Evening, Gomer.

I'm sorry, I'm... Monroe!

Hi, Lou Ann.

Ain't this a surprise, gal?

You could've knocked
me over with a feather

when I saw him
standing at the door.

Well, it most certainly

is a surprise, to say the least.

What are you doing way out
here in California all of a sudden?

Well, I got this call
from, uh, to, uh...

come to this feed convention.

That's what I come to town
for, a big feed convention.

And naturally, I
couldn't pass through

without stopping
off to say hello.

So, hello, Lou Ann.

It's sure nice to see you again.

Ain't this something, honey?

Monroe and I being in
town at the same time?

Yes. Oh, these are
for you, Lou Ann.

Thank you.

That's Gomer.

Hey, Lou Ann.

Hey, Gomer. Come on in.

Oh, I didn't know you
already had flowers.

Well, we have
unexpected company.

Oh.

This is Monroe Efford.

He just happened to drop in
all the way from Turtle Creek.

Well, hey.

Monroe Efford?

The one you
almost... That's right.

How do?

You're going to stay for
dinner, aren't you, boy?

Well, now, sir, if
I'm not intruding...

Oh, nonsense, I insist.

Now, don't we, Lou Ann?

Of course.

I guess, I'd better put
these in some water.

Oh, well, you might
as well take mine, too.

Yeah, you can
feed those to those.

Yeah, the folks back home

sure miss you, Lou Ann.

Every time I walk
into the country club,

they always ask me
if I've heard from you.

Well, that's very
sweet, I'm sure.

If you were back home right now,

you'd be the belle of the ball.

Monroe here could
really show you a time.

He's very popular
at the country club...

He's got the run
of the whole place.

Did you every belong to a
country club back home, Pyle?

No, sir.

But whenever I used
to go to Mount Pilot,

I used to always
drop by at the YMCA.

They had everything
there... Ping-Pong,

and shuffleboard,
and hot showers...

And every other Friday night,

they used to show nature slides.

Well, if nobody wants
any more dessert or coffee,

shall we all retire
to the living room?

That's a good idea, girl!

I could do with
a little stretching.

Thank you. Ah!

Oh, I don't know about you,

I'm so full I feel
like a stuffed turkey.

Yeah, you need a workout, J.R.

Ah!

By the way, Pyle,

did you ever have the
chance to see Monroe

when he was all-American
with Carolina Aggies?

No, sir, I'm sorry
to say I didn't.

Well, you really missed a treat.

He was the best
fullback they ever had.

Ain't that right, boy?

Yeah, yeah I guess I was.

Boy, when they were
down on the five-yard line

and they needed a touchdown,

Monroe was the
player they called for.

Hey, ha, hee, ha!

Oh, yeah!

Touchdown!

Oh, man, he was
really something.

He made mincemeat
out of that defensive line.

Daddy, I don't really think

that Gomer's very interested

in Monroe's football playing.

Oh, yeah, Lou Ann.

It's a real honor to meet
an all-American in person.

Well, besides
being all-American,

he was a star
weight lifter, too.

Strong as a bull, that boy.

Hey, Monroe,

show them how easy it
is for you to lift that chair

without even straining yourself.

Go ahead. Daddy!

They don't want to see that.

Oh, go ahead. Go on.

Yeah, all right.

Will you look at that?!

How he handles
it light as a feather.

Oh, man, you are something else.

Did you ever go in
for athletics, son?

No, sir, not too much.

Well, not everybody
is cut out for sports;

they can be good
at other things.

You know what Pyle is good at?

He makes beautiful
paper flowers.

Daddy, can you give me a
hand in the kitchen, please?

I'll help you, Lou Ann.

I want Daddy to.

All right, now, Daddy,
you just cut that out!

What in the world
are you talking about?

You know perfectly well
what I'm talking about.

The way you've been
treating Gomer all evening,

making all those
unfair comparisons.

Oh, Monroe is so
all fired wonderful

and Gomer's just a nobody.

Well, I don't want
to hurt your feelings,

but that's about the size of it.

All you gotta do is look
at them side by side,

and you can see for yourself.

All I can see is
a lot of meddling.

Yeah, you called Monroe and told
him to come out here, didn't you?

Whatever gave you that idea?

Oh, come on, Daddy,
I'm not a child any longer.

I know there's no
feed convention.

Well, doggone it, Lou Ann.

I was only trying to
do it for your own good.

Is that what you want to be
stuck with the rest of your life?

A jellyfish?

And I think that is
my decision to make.

Gomer may not
be a big football star

and drive a fancy car

and he may not belong
to the country club,

but he is the one I want!

He may be the one you want,

but I'm not so sure that
you're the one he wants.

What do you mean?

Well, it doesn't seem to me

he's too upset about
Monroe being here.

Seems to me if a fella
really cared for a gal,

he wouldn't stand
there and take it.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'll go back to our company.

Well, good night, Lou Ann,

and thanks for a
wonderful dinner.

Yeah, Lou Ann, it was delicious!

Good-bye, Monroe.

And it's nice to see you again

after all this time.

You be sure and say hello
to everybody back home now.

Well, you don't have
to say good-bye just yet.

I'm gonna be in town
a couple more days.

You are?

Yeah, that's right.

And I got to thinking,

since he's gonna be
here for such a quick visit,

wouldn't it be nice if the
two of you could catch dinner

and a show tomorrow night?

Daddy... Oh, for
old time's sake.

There's a good
double bill showing

at the theater right
down the street.

Oh, no! What?

I mean, well, that's the Bijou,

and Lou Ann and me have
already seen that picture.

But Thunder in the West,

it's playing over
at the Bay City

and Lou Ann hasn't seen that.

But, Gomer, we have a
date for tomorrow night.

Oh, well, you and
Monroe are old friends,

and it's only right you
spend an evening together.

Well, I think that's
downright friendly.

Don't you, Lou Ann?

Yes.

Well, fine, then.

I'll pick you up
about 7:00, okay?

Well, since I'm
suddenly so available,

why not?

Hey, you two.

Well, hey, Gomer.

Were you waiting here for us?

No. I just came
in to get a soda.

Oh.

How did you like the movie?

Oh, we enjoyed it real fine,

didn't we, Lou Ann?

Well... that's nice.

I heard it was a good picture.

Gomer, isn't there something
more you want to say?

No, that's all I heard.

That it was good.

Well, I guess I'd
better be getting back.

My soda's getting flat.

Don't you want to join us?

Oh, no, I don't
want to disturb you.

Well, hearty appetite.

Monroe,

on second thought, I'm
really not very hungry at all.

Why don't we go
someplace and dance,

like we used to back home?

Hey, you got
yourself a deal, honey.

We always were
partial to soft lights

and sweet music, weren't we?

Come on.

Let's not waste a minute.

No, let's not.

Hello, Lou Ann.

It's me.

Well, hello, Gomer.

I was just calling
about tonight.

I wanted to know what time
you'd like me to pick you up.

Tonight?

Well, I'm sorry,

but I'm afraid I won't
be able to make it.

But we had a date to go bowling.

Has something else come up?

As a matter of
fact, something has.

I'm right in the
middle of packing.

Packing?! Yes.

I'm going back to Turtle Creek
tonight with Daddy and Monroe.

You mean for a visit?

No.

I'm going home to stay.

Stay?

Well, golly, Lou Ann,
ain't this kind of sudden?

I mean, just picking up and
leaving without so much as...

If you'll excuse me, I've
got a million things to do.

Good-bye and
thanks for everything.

It's been nice
knowing you, Gomer.

Now, now, now, Lou Ann.

It's all for the best.

You know that.

I hated to do it
to you this way,

but I knew from the first
time I set eyes on him,

he was nothing but a mouse.

I just had to prove it to you.

Well, you saw how he was.

He wasn't even man enough
to put up a fight for you.

It's a good thing you found
out about him right now.

Hey, Mr. Poovie.

I came to see Lou Ann.

Oh?

Lou Ann, can I talk
to you a minute?

Alone?

Lou Ann, can I ask
you just one question?

Why?

I have nothing to keep
me here any longer.

Or nobody.

At least nobody who cares.

Golly, Lou Ann, I care.

Oh?

My heart just sank

when you said you
was going back home.

Well, then why didn't
you say something?

Or do something?

Well...

I thought maybe you was
beginning to feel for Monroe

like you once did, and...

maybe you'd like to go back

to that nice life you
had back home...

Having lots of friends,

and going to the country club.

I could never give
you anything like that.

Did I ever say I
wanted that kind of life?

Or did I ever say that I had
any feelings for Monroe?

Which I don't.

Well, then for goodness
sakes, why are you going?

'Cause I haven't heard
you say, "Don't go!"

Don't go!

Say it again.

Don't go, please!

That's all I wanted to hear.

I'll go tell Daddy.

Wait a minute, Lou Ann.

If I'm the reason that
you're gonna be staying,

then I expect I
ought to be the one

that ought to tell him.

All right.

Mr. Poovie.

Mr. Poovie, sir.

Yeah, boy?

Mr. Poovie, sir,

Lou Ann's not
going home with you.

She's going to stay here.

Who says? She says.

And, well, I'd like her to.

You?!

Yes, sir, me.

Mr. Poovie, I hadn't
ever had a chance

to tell you how I feel
about your daughter.

Well, maybe Lou Ann don't
even know how I feel about her.

So, now's as good a
time as any to tell you

that as long as she stays here,

I'm going to see
that I provide her

with the best kind of company.

Maybe I can't take her

to a country club
dance in a fancy car.

Best I can probably
do is a movie

and a dinner at
the Bluebird Café,

but we really enjoy
being with each other,

and, well, all I can tell you is

that you don't have to worry

'cause as long as I'm
around, she'll be well protected.

Doggone it, Mr. Poovie,

what I'm trying to say is
that I love your daughter!

Gomer, what did you say?

I said, I loved his daughter.

Well, we all ready to leave?

I've got a cab waiting.

Monroe,

I'm beginning to think you
just lost the ball by a fumble.

What?

I don't think Lou Ann
is going home with us.

What is this, some kind of joke?

Come on, Lou Ann.

I don't think you heard,
Mr. Poovie, Monroe.

Lou Ann's staying here.

Huh?

But I thought...

Never mind. Just
get my suitcase,

will you, son?

Bye, honey.

Bye, son.

I wish you'd talked up sooner,

Could've saved
Monroe here a trip.

What's this all about, J.R.?

You still haven't... Come on.

Just get my suitcase.
It's a long story.

I'll tell you about it on
the way to the airport.

What's going on around here?

I'll take your bag back
to your room for you.

Why, Lou Ann!

You wasn't even planning to go.

Hey, Lou Ann.

Hey, Gomer.

These are for you.

More flowers?

Gomer Pyle, you're
gonna spoil me.

I'll go put these in some water,

and then I'll be right back.

No rush. We've
got plenty of time.

Oh, my goodness, Gomer,
well, what happened?

I was trying to
lift up the chair,

like Monroe did.

Gomer, you don't have
to prove anything to me.

I like you 'cause you're you.

I wouldn't have
you any other way.

I'm glad of that.

Are you sure now, Lou Ann?

Well, of course.

I like you just the way you are.

Oh, well, fine.

You don't know how
good it makes me feel

when you say things like that.