04x15 - Wild Bull of the Pampas

[bunniefuu]

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Now, Sergeant, we have a rather

important guest
coming to the base.

His name is Manuel Cortez.

He's an army man from one of our

neighboring Latin
American countries.

He's coming to observe
the Marine Corps for a while,

and I thought you'd
be the best man

to look after him.
I'm honored, sir.

It seems they've had some
sort of disciplinary problem

in their army, and he wants
to investigate Marine discipline

firsthand to see if he
can take back a little of it

to his own country.

I understand, sir.

Yes?

Oh, send him right in.

This is our guest.

How do you do? I'm Colonel Gray.

Colonel, it's a great
pleasure to meet you.

And, uh, this is
Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant.

It's a great honor to be here

with the United States
Marine Corps of America.

Well, it's an honor
to have you with us.

I hope your stay with us

will be informative and helpful.

I'm sure it will.

Now, why don't you begin
by introducing our guest

to your platoon, Sergeant?

Certainly, sir.

If you want to learn
about the Corps,

the best way to start is to
meet the men that make it.

I'm looking forward to it.

Sergeant?

I'll see you later in the day.

Fine. Thank you very much.

Sergeant.

Yes, sir?

Our impression on foreign guests

is, of course, very important.

See that he's treated
with the utmost courtesy.

Of course, sir.

You can depend on me.

Uh, do you think
our guest would like

a formal inspection
of the troops, sir?

Good idea.

I think he'd be very pleased.

Good?

No good.

Is something wrong, sir?

No good. Is excellent!

Oh, thank you, sir.

They're all fine men.

Every one is a Marine, sir.

Order, arms!

Now, even though I'm
gonna be looking after you, sir,

I'd like to put one of
my men at your disposal

to act as a personal guide.

You can pick any one of them.

They're all good boys, sir.

Any of them? You mean,
you can trust any of them?

Yes, sir. Take your pick.

Dumbrowski, Ravelli, Chambers...

Hammond, Jackson.

Which one will you take, sir?

I pick the tall one.

Him?

In my country,

we learn to pick
a man by his face.

His face, I trust.

Are you sure, sir?

Any one of these other
men would be very...

I pick him.

Okay. Pyle, you'll
look after our guest.

It'll be an honor,
sir, a real honor.

Platoon, dismissed!

All right, sir, now
if you're ready,

we'll take you over to
the officers' quarters.

Officers' quarters?

Yes, sir. That's where
you're gonna stay, sir.

Oh, no. I stay here.

Here?

Of course, with the men.

That's very democratic, sir,
but I'm afraid it's impossible.

You see, a man of your rank...

By the way, I'm not familiar
with the insignia of your army.

Just what exactly
is your rank, sir?

Guess.

Well, a... a major?

No, I'm not a major.

A colonel?

No.

Higher than a colonel?

I am a corporal.

You're only a corporal?

But that looks like
an officer's uniform.

This... in my country,

an officer would not be
seen in such a plain uniform.

I like your face.

A corporal?

And I let him
inspect the troops?

These are your barracks, huh?

Yeah. You can use
Farris's bunk here.

He's on leave.

Oh, gracias.

Corporal... Uh! Call me Manuel.

Manuel, can I ask you
what country you come from?

Oh, si. I have a map
right here in my briefcase.

I'll show you.

This briefcase always get stuck.

I will k*ll the man who
sold me this briefcase!

I hope you will have a
chance to visit my homeland.

There.

My country's right here.

Oh, are you from Brazil?

No Brazil.

To see my country, is
necessary to use the glass.

Uh-huh.

Aha, here!

That dot's your country?

No. That dot is the mountain.

Behind the mountain
is my country.

What's the name of your country?

The 13th Federated Constitutional
Republic of Greater San Miguel!

Manuel, I just know we're
gonna get along good.

We got so much in common.

We do?

Well, sure, we're
both from the South.

You're just a little further
south than me is all.

Yes.

I hope you don't mind if I
keep staring at your uniform.

How in the world did
you get all them medals?

Medals... the green
one is for sharpshooting.

What's the blue one for?

The blue one was given
to me by the vice presidente

of our country for helping him

to get the presidente
out of power.

How about the yellow one?

The yellow one was given
to me by the presidente

for helping him to
get back into power.

They sure are pretty.

I haven't noticed many
colorful uniforms around here.

No, I reckon not.

Already, one thing I've
learned about the Marines:

You have more discipline
than us, but we dress better.

Gomer, where's your bunk?

Oh, it's right
underneath yours here.

This is my bunk,
this is my locker

and up here... Oh!
You have a guitar.

Well, yeah. Do you play?

Play something for me.

Yes, I have one of my own,
but I did not bring it with me.

It's broke.

One of my soldiers
stepped on it.

Estupido idioto! I
could have k*lled him!

Hey, that's "Jimmy cr*ck Corn."

No, that's "Jaime Come Elote."

We used to sing
it back in Mayberry

as "Jimmy cr*ck Corn."

♪ Jimmy cr*ck corn,
and I don't care ♪

♪ Jimmy cr*ck corn,
and I don't care ♪

♪ Jimmy cr*ck corn,
and I don't care... ♪

♪ Mi patron se fue. ♪

Doggone! That's the same song.

I learned a song in Spanish once

back when I was in high school.

I bet you know it.

♪ De la sierra, morena
cielito lindo vienen bajando ♪

♪ Un par de ojitos negros
cielito lindo de contrabando ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay,
canta y no llores ♪

♪ Porque cantando se alegran
cielito lindo los corazones ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay,
canta y no llores ♪

♪ Porque cantando se alegran
cielito lindo los corazones... ♪

Pyle, where is that
Manuel Cortez fellow?

I told you to keep him with you.

He'll be here in a
minute, Sergeant.

He's putting on his fatigues.

I'm very sorry I'm
late, mi commandante.

Hey, I thought you were
getting into your fatigues?

These are my fatigues.

Those?

Don't you like them,
mi commandante?

Oh, no, I like 'em fine.

It's, uh, it's just that we're
gonna be digging ditches,

and white ain't exactly
a practical color.

Oh, but in my country,
it's very practical color.

It's good for the hot sun,

and whenever we
surrender in battle,

we use the shirt
for a white flag.

Give him a shovel, Boyle.

Platoon, right face!
Forward march!

Left, come left! March!

Left, pado, left,
pado, left, two, three.

He don't look like a soldier.

He looks like a street cleaner.

Gomer?

Yes, Manuel?

How long will we
be digging this ditch?

Till the Sergeant
tells us to quit.

How late do you work?

Oh, till about 5:00.

It's so different in my country.

Every day, no matter
what we're doing,

at 2:00, we stop for the siesta.

And I feel like
it's almost 2:00.

Manuel, Manuel!

Manuel!

You see? I was right!

Manuel!

Consuela!

Manuel...

Gomer, I want you to meet
a very dear friend of mine

that I just meet last night.

It was on the airplane.

She's a stewardess.

How do, ma'am?

Manuel, I think
I'd better tell you

civilian visitors ain't
allowed in this area.

But I invite Consuela to visit.

What is wrong?

Well... CARTER: Pyle!

Pyle! Pyle, what is this?

You know civilians
visitors aren't allowed here.

Gomer was explaining, but
she is my friend, Sergeant.

Sergeant, may I
present Consuela,

my very dear friend
who I meet just last night.

She's a stewardess.

It doesn't matter what she is.

Look, ma'am, I'm sorry,

but you'll have to leave.

She doesn't understand.

Couldn't she stay
just a little longer?

No, she cannot.

Pyle, you're supposed to
be looking after our guest.

You know visitors
aren't allowed.

What's the matter with you?!

Excuse me, mi commandante.

It was all my fault.

It was not your fault.

You are a guest, and you
aren't accustomed to our routine.

But, Pyle, you
should know better.

Now get back to
work. On the double!

Move it. Come on! On the double!

Move, move, move, move,
move, move, move! Move it!

Does he always shout like that?

Most of the time.

If he took siestas, he
wouldn't be so nervous.

15 minutes a day,
that's all you need.

15 minutes.

Now this here is our
81-millimeter mortar.

And it's got a range
of, oh, about a mile.

And each one of the shells

weighs about ten pounds.

Magnificent.

What we wouldn't do to
have a w*apon like this.

Yeah, it's real
effective all right.

You see, they just
fired off a round.

When will it be our turn?

Well, just as soon as the
Sergeant gives us the signal.

We ought to be next.

Now this is the fuse.

It's a time fuse
that you can set.

Now, this here fuse controls
exactly when the shell's gonna go off.

I thought you said we were next?

They passed us by.

We just didn't
get the signal yet.

It ought to be any time now.

Fascinating w*apon. Fascinating.

Manuel, what'd you do?

I just put the shell
in the little hole and...

Lordy, you fired off a round.

You shouldn't have
put that shell in there.

You see, this fires
automatically, and...

Pyle!

Pyle, who gave
you the order to fire?

There was no signal given yet.

It was my fault, mi commandante.

I did not know it
would go off by itself.

It wasn't your fault. You
don't know any better.

It was your fault,
Pyle, your fault.

You're supposed to be
showing him the ropes.

You ought to know better than to let
him fool around with a strange w*apon.

But I told you, it
was not his fault.

It was his fault.
He's a knucklehead.

A bumbling knucklehead!

Knucklehead?

It's an insult, no?

Look, Corporal,
if you don't mind

I'd rather you stay
out of this, okay?

Very well, I will not interfere.

Good.

All you have to do is apologize,

and that will be that.

Apologize? That's right.

Can I speak to you
alone a minute, Corporal?

Look, you're a
noncommissioned officer.

You should understand.

I can't apologize to him.

He's a private, a knucklehead.

There! You said it again!

Now you must apologize.

I can't do that. Why not?

Because he's a private,
and I'm a sergeant.

But you have insulted him.

And he is my amigo.

And since we are amigos,
you have insulted me, too.

In my country when
a man is insulted,

and no apology is offered,

there is only one
course of action left.

I fling down the gauntlet.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I challenge
you to a duel.

You challenge me to a what?

A duel.

And since I made the challenge,

you get to pick the weapons.

Pistols or swords?

Listen, Manuel,

we don't do a whole lot
of dueling in this country.

Good. Then everyone will
want to come and watch.

Nobody's going
to watch anything,

because there's not going
to be anything to watch.

What are you saying?

Look, Corporal Cortez,

like Pyle here says, we
don't duel in this country.

Now, why don't you just
get back to work, all right?

You mean you refuse?

That's right.

I don't want to duel you.

But I challenge you, you must.

I ain't gonna fight you,
do you understand?

I ain't gonna fight you.

So let's just forget
all about it, okay?

I can't believe it, he refused.

It's an outrage!

No, it ain't.

The sergeant just don't
want no trouble is all.

Bah! He's pollo.

Pollo?

He's chicken.

No, he ain't.

See, dueling's against the law,

and he's just obeying the law.

Now come on, Manuel,
let's get back to work

just like the sergeant said,

and I'll show you how
to work the mortar.

Well, I've learned all
about your chickens,

I might as well learn
about your mortars.

A duel?

Yeah. Did you ever hear
of such a stupid thing?

The guy's a nut, a real nut.

Well, what are you going to do?

Now I'll tell you
what I'm going to do...

I'm going to call the
colonel, that's what,

and tell him we've
got a nut on our hands.

Get me Colonel Gray,
please. This is Sergeant Carter.

I know the colonel told me to treat this
guy with kid gloves, but enough is enough.

He's got to be told
what's going on.

Hello, Colonel Gray, this
is Sergeant Carter here.

Yes, Sergeant,
what can I do for you?

Oh, by the way, how's
everything going with our guest?

He's being
looked after, I trust.

Well... I know
he's in good hands.

That's why I selected
you for the job.

Yes, sir, but... Of
course, I understand

that his ways are
different than ours.

You'll have to be
very patient with him.

Well... Patience,
Sergeant, patience.

That's the main thing.

After all, he's only going
to be here a short while,

and we can certainly overlook
any little misunderstandings

that may crop up, can't we?

Yes, sir.

Fine. Now, what was it you
wanted to talk to me about?

Oh, nothing, sir.
Nothing that can't keep.

Very well. Good-bye, Sergeant.

And, uh, keep up the
good work with our guest.

Yes, sir.

Good-bye, sir.

Pistols or swords?

Knock it off, will you, Boyle?!

Just knock it off?!

Gomer, I have given the matter
a great deal of consideration.

What's that, Manuel?

Your commandante backing
away from my challenge.

It's a sign of weakness.

And a weak man
cannot be a good leader.

Therefore, he
must be overthrown.

You mean a mutiny?

Revolution. Mutiny
we do on ships.

We don't do that
kind of thing, Manuel.

The Sergeant must be dealt with.

He's a weakling, no?

No. Sergeant Carter's strong.

He protects us.

Protects you?

Yeah, and we protect him.

It's what we call
"esprit de corps."

Esprit de corps?

That's right.

In fact, well...

if you was to att*ck
Sergeant Carter,

I'm afraid you'd
have to fight me first.

It's my duty.

Fight you?

Oh, I could not
fight you, Gomer.

You're my amigo.

And Sergeant Carter is my amigo.

Now, are you
beginning to understand?

Of course. Of course.

I understand that I really
could not in good conscience

take away Sergeant
Carter's position.

I'm glad you see that, Manuel.

But you could.

Huh?

How stupid of me not
to see it in the first place.

You are the rightful leader.

I don't think you understand

what I understood
you to understand.

You would stand up to fight me

because you love
your sergeant so much.

That makes you
stronger than both of us.

But... but, Manuel...

Come, we must announce
to Sergeant Carter

that you're taking over
the duty hut immediately.

No, Manuel, now please.

Viva Gomer Pyle!

That Manuel guy's getting
into some kind of trouble,

I just know it.

Sarge, he'll be leaving
in a couple of days.

Why get yourself worked up?

No, the guy's a wave maker.

And he always comes
up with whitecaps.

Good afternoon.

I would like to speak
with you, Mr. Carter.

That's Sergeant Carter.

Not for long. This
is a revolution.

I must ask that you
relinquish your command.

Please, Manuel... Shh.

We have decided that you're a
weak sergeant and a weak leader.

Therefore, you must
be replaced by someone

braver, stronger
than yourself...

Gomer Pyle.

I tried to talk him
out of this, Sergeant,

honest I did.

We will give you two
hours to pack your things

and clear the hut.

It was all just a
dream, right, Boyle?

They were never really in here.

It was all just a bad dream,

and now I'm going
to wake up, right?

There is no point
in trying to resist.

You have failed as a
leader and you must go.

Get the colonel, Boyle.

Don't take it too hard.

You can start over.

And who knows, maybe one
day you'll be a sergeant again.

Boyle, get the colonel.

Manuel, please, I think
we ought to leave now.

We are not leaving
until this is settled.

And now, your stripes, please.

I'll get the colonel.

Never mind. I'll take
care of this myself.

All right, all right.

Now look, I don't care
what the colonel said

about being courteous to you.

Guest or no guest, you
are undermining my platoon.

Now just remember
on thing, soldier,

you may be from a different
country and a different army,

but right now you're on a
United States Marine Corps base

and you're still only a
corporal and I'm a sergeant.

And I'm ordering
you to get out of here

and stop driving
everybody crazy.

You're nothing but a
pest and a troublemaker,

and if you don't
start shaping up...

Sergeant Carter!

Colonel Gray, I didn't
know you were here, sir.

I'm appalled. What do you mean
shouting at our guest like that?

Please accept my
apologies, General.

General?

The man you were yelling at

just happens to be
General Manuel Cortez...

Commander and Chief of his
nation's entire army, navy and air force.

But I thought he...

We had to say he was
a corporal so he could

live with the men
and observe firsthand.

Now what's this all about?

I think I can explain, Colonel.

But first I would like to
ask the sergeant something.

You mean, Sergeant, that
you have been angry with me

all along, but
you hold it inside?

That's right, sir, and
it hasn't been easy.

Then I think that I am the one

who must apologize.

All along, I thought that
you were afraid to fight me.

I had no idea that-that
you want to fight me,

but... but you hold it in.

Never have I seen such,

such control in a
man of leadership.

And this other one,

who was ready to fight me.

Me, his own amigo,

because of the great love
that he has for his sergeant.

You know what I
would call this, Colonel?

I would call this very, very...

Esprit, esprit...
Esprit de corps.

Esprit de corps.

I don't know quite
what this is all about,

but, uh, apparently
you've leaned something

about the Marines.

Yes. And I must,

I must try to get the
same esprit in my army.

I'm sure you will, General.

And now that the
men know who you are,

we'll move you to
the officers' quarters.

Pyle, help the general.

Carry on. CORTEZ: Sergeant,

once again, my apologies.

A General!

I yelled at a general!

I sure am glad everything
worked out, Manuel.

Uh, I mean, General.

To you, it will
always be Manuel.

And I'm most grateful
for what I've learned.

Now I know the true
meaning of the word discipline.

At home, all of my officers
are, how do you say...

hotheads.

When I get back, I
will change all that.

I will solve this
problem once and for all!

Or know the reason why!

Excuse me, sir.

I don't quite know
how to say this, but,

well, I don't think you
see the whole problem.

What do you mean?

Well, I don't mean
to be disrespectful,

but, well,

I think the main reason your
men ain't got any discipline is,

well, you yourself happen
to have a terrible temper.

Me?!

You're doing it again.

There it is. It's terrible.

Just terrible. I do
not have a temper!

No one can say
that I have a temper!

It is not true!

Lies! Lies! Lies!

I do not have a temper!

No! Ow.

Did you hurt your foot?

Never mind my foot.

I just realized
a horrible thing.

What's that?

I have a terrible temper.

Sergeant Carter? Yeah?

Oh, General.

Well, amigos, it's
time to say adios.

Manuel, we sure
are gonna miss you.

I'm going to miss
you, too, Gomer.

Time to say adios
to you, Sergeant.

Good-bye, sir.

It was an honor
having you with us, sir.

And I hope you will forget
all about the, the duel

and the revolution.

It was most disgraceful
of me to act that way,

and to lose control.

That's all right, sir.

I understand.

From now on, I
will be very careful

not to let my temper
get away from me.

It's always good to hear a
man mend his own ways.

In fact, to show
my determination,

I symbolically break
the sword of v*olence.

I break the sword of v*olence.

I break the sword of v*olence!

How do you like that?

In battle, they go like popcorn.

When I get home, I'm
going to k*ll the man

who sold me this crazy sword!