07x11 - The World's Greatest Kisser/Don't Take My Wife, Please/The Reluctant Father

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Love Boat". Aired: September 24, 1977 – May 24, 1986.*
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Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
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07x11 - The World's Greatest Kisser/Don't Take My Wife, Please/The Reluctant Father

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme music, "the love boat"]
Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it flow,

it floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat, promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love, won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile,
on a friendly shore.

It's love, welcome
aboard, it's love.

Well, Mr. Boggs, let's see,
you're on the fiesta deck,

cabin .

I hope you enjoy your trip.

Oh, that sounds a
little like reminding

a dog to enjoy its bone.

Well, don't Bury
it in the cabin.

Mr. Boggs--

oh, there you are, Stevens.

I was down in my cabin
putting together some notes

for our presentation.

Oh, well listen,
don't work too hard.

Boggs and company wants
you alert and sharp

when we get to Mexico.

Box boggs, please,
I need to speak

to you again about my wife.

It would mean a great deal to
me if I could bring her along.

Stevens, I said no wives.

But we've only been
married two weeks, Mr. Boggs.

Look, if you say
yes, I can call her.

She can be here in minutes.

I know when you meet her,
you'll just love her.

I am sorry.

But we haven't even had
a honeymoon, Mr. Boggs.

Look, Stevens, it's not like I
don't understand your position,

but this is a business trip.

If I would allow you to
bring your wife along,

my wife would k*ll me.

So just relax and
enjoy yourself.

That's the first
order of business.

I think I'll nose
about the ship myself.

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Matt: I told you to
stay in the cabin.

Matt--

look, Marian, from now on,
we can only meet in the cabin.

On deck, we have to be
total strangers, you got it?

Total strangers.

Welcome to your
honeymoon, Mrs. Stevens.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm sawdust radell.

Oh, welcome aboard, sawdust.

Sawdust?

It's a nickname.

Oh, sawdust.

I would have guessed timber.

You wouldn't
happen to know where

I could find me a list of the
ship's officers, would you?

Sure, why don't you try the
desk in the purser's lobby.

It's right down there.

You looking for
anyone in particular?

You bet I am.

But I doubt if he's going
to want me to find him.

I hope you like
this cruise, Melissa.

Daddy, I'll like it.

We could have gone
to the mountains.

Did you really want
to go to the mountains?

No, no, I really
wanted to go on a cruise,

as long as you wanted to.

I want to, but I want to, too.

I want to.

Ok.

I'm glad that's settled.

You know what, I think
we're off to a great start.

Eliot weatherly.

My daughter, Melissa.

Captain stubing and
my daughter, Vicki.

Hi.

Hi.

I see you're on the
fiesta deck, cabin ,

and you're in ,
Mr. Weatherly.

Hey, dad, can I show
Melissa around she ship?

Sounds like a good idea to me.

You want to?

I'd love it.

Well, come on, let's
go before the captain

finds something for me to do
and changes my father's mind.

Thanks.

Come on.

You seem to get along very
well with your daughter.

Yes, Terry, thank you.

Yes, Vicki and I
are quite close.

I'm new at being
a single parent.

Melissa's mother d*ed
three months ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know how it feels to lose
someone very dear to you.

Well, actually, we'd
been divorced for years.

I moved to New York and Melissa
stayed with her mother in la.

Melissa and I haven't
had the chance

to get to know each other.

A cruise is a good
way to change that.

You'll see.

I wish I had your confidence.

I wish I had
anybody's confidence.

Hi.

I'm Bonnie Lee Boone.

I'm gopher Smith, i'm
the purser on this--

first things first,
Bonnie Lee, congratulations.

As our one millionth passenger,
you have just won, guess what?

What?

A complete physical.

Would you two
excuse me, please?

You wouldn't by any
chance be the ship's doctor?

Dr. Bricker, heart specialist,
if you know what I mean.

Yeah, he breaks
them, I mend them.

Bonnie Lee, you're
promenade ,

and I'm available for dinner.

You two sure are cute.

We are going to have fun.

That's what they
call me, doctor fun.

I'm the cutest, trust me.

Bye.

You hear?

Yeah.

Hi, Bonnie.

Hi, sawdust.

You think one of
them could be him?

Either one could be.

I won't know until
I do my research.

Well, whoever it is, I'm going
to dismantle him bone by bone.

[Ship horn]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Isaac: Here you are.

Hey.

Hey, see that dude up there?

That's the guy I was
telling you about.

He's the one that wanted a list
of all the ship's officers.

I'm worried.

Oh, get out of here.

He's probably just
selling something.

You see those shoulders?

Yeah.

Whatever he's
selling, I'm not buying.

Think this will work?

Whoo-ee, sugar.

That's going to pull the
rat right out of the hole.

Thanks.

You're really out to get
this guy, aren't you?

You bet I am.

My fiance comes here on this
cruise, one of these officers

uses his sleazy charms on her.

She comes back and breaks
off our engagement.

I'm telling you, I'm going
to work my charms on him.

Well, too bad she
wouldn't give you his name.

That's because she
knew what I'd do to him.

But she told me one thing.

That he's the world's
greatest kisser.

And that's where I come in.

That's right, precious.

You're going to flush
that Turkey out for me.

It isn't easy being
your best friend, sawdust.

Come on, Bonnie,
we've been friends

since we was in diapers.

Now if you had a bunch of girls
you wanted me to kiss for you,

I'd kiss them for you.

Ok, where do we start?

Come here.

We're going to start with
the high hog at the trough,

the captain down there.

All right, i'm
game if he is, Whoo.

[Music playing]

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi.

Is there a tour of the ship?

The bus is just
leaving, hop aboard.

Gee, thanks, but is
their a captain's tour.

There is now.

Goodbye, Dr. Fun.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Matt, have you seen
my suntan lotion?

Marian, you going up on deck?

No.

I thought I'd just sit
under a -watt bulb.

Of course I'm going up on deck.

Matt, don't worry.

I will sit too close to you.

Marion--

Matt--

when you're on deck,
I want you to think

of yourself as a single woman.

Well, I've never thought
of myself as twins, Matt.

You know, most newlyweds
stay in their cabin

for the whole cruise.

But usually together.

Yeah, ok, but that's
the only difference.

Matt, I need air.

I'm a mammal.

You know, that's one
of the first things

I noticed about you.

Marian, it's just that
we have to be discreet.

Try not to be in the same
place at the same time.

You mean like we are now?

Mm hmm.

Do you want to put on a,
sweater the breeze is cool.

Daddy, the sun is hot.

Oh, you're right, it is.

Maybe you should put on a robe.

A robe?

You don't want
to get a sunburn.

Do you burn?

I tan.

Elliot: Good, so do I.
Something we have in common.

Hey, but what do we have
in common in the winter?

I'm going to go for a swim.

Ok, but just be
careful in the water.

Daddy, don't you remember?

In my high school, I was
on the swimming team.

Right.

But at my high school, I
was on the worrying team.

[Music playing]

Vicki: Hey, how's it
going with your dad?

I don't know.

He's always worrying
about everything.

We're always walking on
eggs around each other.

I remember it was like
that for me and my dad.

Really?

Vicki: Yeah.

I remember when I first
came to live with him,

he bought me this
great big Dollhouse

and I bought him
a beautiful pipe.

But I was too old
for the Dollhouse

and he couldn't stand smoking.

And we were too afraid to
say anything to each other.

What happened?

Vicki: Well, we suffered
for a couple of weeks.

And one day I stopped
playing with the Dollhouse

and he stopped smoking the pipe.

And we just said
we loved each other.

So saying you loved each
other solved everything.

Vicki: No, but it was a start.

At least neither one
of us had to smell

that terrible pipe anymore.

Come on.

Hey wait for me.

[Music playing]

Incredible.

I positively marvel at women.

I have to admit, you do
display keen appreciation

of the feminine condition.

As they say in Moscow,
I'm hot to trotsky.

Whoo, how much can a man take?

Look at that one.

Matt: That one?

Nah, there's
nothing very special

about her, very ordinary.

Are you kidding?

Look at that body.

Matt: Does nothing for me.

Boggs: Stevens, you're crazy.

With that face.

Yeah, but it's such
an obvious facelift.

She could probably
sue for malpractice.

Mr. Boggs, did you see that?

What?

I could have sworn
she winked at you.

That one?

Winked at me, are you sure?

Yes, certainly, absolutely.

I don't want to
hurt her feelings.

No.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

Excuse me, but
I'm a single woman,

and as such, I don't
mingle with married men.

Buzz off, stranger.

Now the climax of our tour,
ta-da, the captain's office.

It's cute.

Oh, I hate to say
this, but the captain's

got to get back to work.

Oh, that's too bad.

You have really been so sweet.

I just have to
give you something.

[Laughter]

That was something.

You're something too.

Just call me captain fun.

I'll see you later.

Count on it.

Bye.

[Music playing]

Sawdust: Hey, Bonnie,
I just saw you coming

out of the captain's office.

What happened?

Oh, boy, he can box
my compass any time.

Did he kiss you?

Did he?

There may be snow
on the roof, but

there is a fire in the furnace.

Never mind all that stuff.

Is he the world's
greatest kisser or not?

Well, I won't know until
I do some more research.

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Well, what do you think?

The steak looks good.

So does the lobster.

I was thinking maybe
of the lamb chop.

Oh, you have
whatever you like,

lamb chop, steak,
lobster, shrimp curry.

We're here to enjoy ourselves.

Daddy, that's the point,
we're here to enjoy ourselves.

Well aren't you
having a good time?

I'd have a better time if
you'd just relax a little.

Maybe you're right.

I love you anyway.

I don't know why, I
don't think I've been

much of a father up till now.

Daddy, what counts
is from now on.

You're right.

Once we get to know each other.

It can be terrific.

Yes, yes it can be.

Because I love you too.

[Music playing]

No, I'll wait from Mr. Boggs.

You get a match, sailor?

What are you doing?

Eating.

I intend on doing it
the rest of my life.

Your table, your
table wobbles.

I'll get you another
table, across room.

Oh, no, pretend
you don't know me.

Pretty soon I won't
have to pretend.

Good evening, Stevens.

Mr. Boggs.

You're looking a little pale.

It's the sea.

Oh, I hope you're
not working too hard?

Isn't that the one from before?

I'm sure she's
waiting for someone.

Oh, are you?

The scuttlebutt
aboard ship has

it that the most attractive
woman in the room

is dining alone.

You look like an
intelligent man.

You should know better than
to listen to scuttlebutt.

You are right.

My name's Arthur boggs.

How do you do?

And if you're not
expecting company,

I'd like it very
much if you'd join me

and my young executive
for dinner this evening.

Well, that's very kind of you.

No.

I don't think so,
but thank you anyway.

Oh, come on now.

Don't let him bother you.

He's totally harmless.

Besides, we'll be rid
of him in no time.

I've told you my name is Arthur.

Your name?

Marion.

Marion, this is Matt.

Matt-- Marion.

Beautiful, huh?

Now you see why we didn't
bring the wives along.

[Laughter]

You sure are jolly tonight.

Well, just wait
until the person

he's saving that
seat for shows up.

Then we'll see some
jolly, right sir?

Oh, is Bonnie coming?

Yeah, well, said
she might, you know,

if she wasn't too busy.

She's busy.

Maybe it's not what it seems.

Maybe she's with doc
because she's sick.

Yeah, that's a sick laugh.

[Music playing]

Surprised that the
old man can still move?

I don't know
how to explain it.

I never thought of you dancing.

And I never thought of
you as being so grown up.

And speaking of surprises,
I've got one for you.

You do?

What is it?

I'll tell you later.

Daddy--

later, later.

Right now, I'm dancing
with a beautiful girl.

Marion, you have an allure
that words cannot describe.

Thank you

you know, you look tired.

It's a funny thing, I often get
very sleepy after a big meal.

Don't you?

Stevens, if you're sleepy,
by all means, hit the hay.

Now, how about a drink, Marion?

What do you usually like?

A Moscow mule.

How did you know
that, Stevens?

I just guessed.

Her red dress.

Goodnight.

I'll order us a little drinky.

You don't mind, do you?

Hey-- oh, sure, sure.

Hey, you're keeping
me from my research.

I'm keeping you
from getting arrested.

Now how come you got to
dance so close to him?

And what's all this romancing?

Just kiss him and get it
over with now, would you?

I can't do that.

You've got to get a
man in a kissing mood.

Uh huh, first, you got
to snuggle up, like this.

Now don't that make
you feel romantic?

No, it don't.

Well, how about this?

I'm telling you,
Bonnie, the vice

squad's going to arrest you.

[Music playing]

Marion, I think
we have to take

stock of what we have here.

I don't know what
you mean, Arthur.

I'm talking about two
attractive consenting adults,

who instinctively understand
each other's emotional needs.

Emotional needs.

I can see that you
need a strong man who

will make your
decisions for you,

and then tell you what you
need, and then give it to you.

Are you all right?

I just thought I
saw someone I knew.

But I guess I didn't.

Let's walk.

Why?

Goodnight, Melissa.

I really had a
good time tonight.

Me too, daddy.

Maybe, well, maybe I can
be a good father after all.

Better late than never.

Hmm?

You're doing fine.

Hey, what about the surprise?

You said you'd tell me later.

Oh, ok.

I found out about it
just before we sailed.

You've been accepted
at pinehurst.

Pinehurst?

Elliot: Oh, it's a
great school, Melissa.

When you graduate, you'll be
able to get into any college

in the country.

Where's pinehurst?

Connecticut.

Connecticut.

Daddy, I thought we'd be
together now, living together.

Melissa, you know I
travel a lot on business.

You'll be home
for every holiday.

And I'll visit you in between.

I'll even arrange my trips so
that I can make extra visits.

It'll work out fine, believe me.

Goodnight.

[Music playing]

You know, doc,
I can read lips.

Really?

[Music playing]

Wow, yours were coming
in loud and clear.

And you know they were saying?

Why don't we go to doc's cabin?

That's not what
they were saying.

Please?

What they were saying was--

What they were saying was, why
don't we go to Bonnie's cabin.

Oh, I see, you want
the home court advantage.

Bonnie: Of course.

Doc: I have to warn you,
I'm even better on the road.

I can't wait.

[Music playing]

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Where have you been?

Where have I been?

You know perfectly
well where I have been.

I've been on deck with
your lecherous boss.

He's really a
very nice man when

you get to know him better.

I don't plan to get
to know him better.

How could you have
done that to me?

I didn't do anything.

That's just it, Matt.

You watched another man paw your
wife and you just stood there.

Marion, he's my boss.

The man who pays me.

You like the house?

You like the car?

Yes, Matt.

I like the house
and I like the car,

it's you I have
serious doubts about.

[Music playing]

Julie: Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

That beautiful sight
coming into view

is the village of
puerto vallarta,

one of the most quaint
and colorful areas

on the Mexican riviera.

[Music playing]

Captain stubing: You
mean nothing happened?

Doc: She kissed me passionately,
lured me into her cabin,

then gave me a quick
drink and sent me packing.

Captain stubing: That's odd.

Doc: Odd?

A woman who'd pass
up a chance like that

has got to be just
a little strange.

I know, when she first
passed me up for you,

I thought she was weird.

Well, what kind of
man does she want?

Excuse me, sir,
may I go ashore?

Oh, yes, go ahead, gopher.

Thank you.

Bonnie wants me to
show me the sights.

[Laughter]

Buenos dias.

Now was the best night's
sleep I've had in three months.

I'm glad I told you about
the school in the east

instead of saving it.

- I'm glad you told me too.
- Hi.

Hello.

Are you going into
puerto vallarta today?

You know something, I
was thinking, maybe Vicki

and I could go in together.

Oh, may I, dad?

Is it all right if they
go ashore by themselves?

No problem.

Vicki's very familiar
with puerto vallarta.

Do you mind, daddy?

We'll be back by .

Well, all right.

I want to have fun on this
cruise, just be careful.

They grow up so fast.

Apparently so.

[Music playing]

You're going to
love puerto vallarta.

I love it already.

Puerto vallarta, here we come.

Oh, gopher, honey,
you don't have a camera.

And I would just love some
pictures of us in town.

- I've got a camera.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's down in my cabin.

I'll tell you what.

I'll go down there
and get the camera.

I'll change, and I'll meet
you deck in two minutes.

Right.

All right.

[Music playing]

Good morning.

Good morning, is that
all you got to say?

What do you mean?

Well, aren't you just
overdoing it a little bit?

You didn't have to
bring that Turkey

home to roost last night.

Doc?

Hey, you are forgetting
why we're here.

I know, I know, Mary Lou.

Mary Lou, you mean Mary Beth.

Ok, ok.

Listen, what about the doc?

Is he a better kisser
than the captain?

You know something,
I can't decide.

Maybe you can help me.

What are you doing?

Just do what I tell you.

Now the captain put his
arm around me like this,

and the other one like this.

Yeah.

Then we kissed.

[Music playing]

Now, that's the palpitating
pucker technique.

Now doc, well, he
kissed me like this.

[Music playing]

That's the pack man
pucker technique.

Now what do you think?

Who was best.

That's a tough one,
Bonnie, let's do it again.

Oh, I can't.

I got to meet gopher and
do some more research.

Haven't you done
enough research already?

Well, we got to find
out who stole your girl.

That's what you want, isn't it?

I guess.

Bye.

Bye.

Hi, Marion, what
are you doing?

Oh, just writing home
about our honeymoon.

Tell me, Matt, do you spell
wimp with a w or a w-h?

[Laughter]

Marion, this is a very
sarcastic side of you

that I'm seeing.

Matt, if you don't
tell your boss about us,

there won't be any more
sides of me to see,

because I'll be gone.

All right, I promise I'll
tell him just as soon as I can.

They make these
best on this ship.

Looks like mother
nature's taken its course

and helped solve our
little predicament.

He's found someone else.

Ah, Marion, Stevens,
there you are.

We we're looking for you.

I want you both to meet Loretta.

Glad to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

She's a knockout.

I'm glad you think
so, because she's yours.

Mine?

Are you all
right, Mr. Stevens?

Yeah, something just
went down the wrong way.

Tell him.

Won't you sit down?

Oh, thank you.

Oh, over there, my dear.

Well, I'm glad
that we're all here

together for the good news.

First, Loretta is free
for the day and night.

Secondly, I am planning
a big raise for you.

Oh, that's wonderful, sir.

Isn't there something else
you wanted to tell Mr. Boggs?

Oh, yes.

Thanks for the raise.

Forget it, forget it.

Wow, Vicki, this is beautiful.

You get to come down
here all the time?

Yeah, and it's amazing.

Each time it gets
prettier and prettier.

[Music playing]

Vicki, how do you say
I'm hungry in Spanish?

I don't know.

I'm too hungry to remember.

Let's eat.

Melissa, we have to
get back to the ship.

I told you, Vicki,
I'm not going back.

Melissa, that's crazy.

My father's probably all upset
and your father's probably

out of his mind with worry.

My father doesn't
care about me.

He doesn't even want me around.

Now, Melissa, you're not
being fair to him or yourself.

You never even told him how
you felt about pinehurst.

Whose side are you one anyway?

I'm on your side.

And I'm not saying that
there isn't a problem.

But you can't fix it unless
you go back and talk about it.

My father isn't
your father, Vicki.

When you said I love you, it
made a difference, didn't it?

Oh, Melissa, people can change.

Last night when you were
dancing, you and your father

were two different people
from when you came on board.

That's what I thought too.

But I was wrong.

I'm not going back, Vicki.

[Music playing]

Oh, Marion, you are such fun.

It is no wonder that we are
all having such a good time.

So, Mr. Stevens,
what are you going

to do with your new raise?

Spend it on girls?

No, no, not girls as such.

Tell us, Mr.
Stevens, what do you

plan on doing with your raise?

Well, I thought I'd put
it into the car, the house.

The alimony payments?

Marion, is something
wrong with your hand?

No, nothing,
just muscle spasms.

Oh, I have the perfect cure.

Let's just step out on the deck
and give those spasms some air.

I don't think we
ought to break up

our little group, not just yet.

Boggs: My dear, don't you worry.

I'm sure that Loretta will keep
Steven's properly entertained.

Come along.

Honey--

yes?

Oh, no, no, not--

have you heard
from the girls yet?

Excuse me, Isaac.

No, there's been
no word so far.

Well, they're two hours late.

I don't know how you could
let them go ashore alone.

I don't know how I
could have agreed

to it, no matter what you said.

Mr. Weatherly, I've already
sent Ms. McCoy and Dr. Bricker

into town to look for them.

Besides, I have every
confidence in both our girls.

How much confidence
do you have

in everybody else
in puerto vallarta,

or any place in the world?

Captain, don't let
him get you down.

I was the one who
said let them go.

But Vicki knows
her way around town.

She also knows her
way back to the ship.

So where are they?

[Music playing]

Let's ask here.

[Speaking Spanish]

Gracias.

Ok, we'll split
up and meet back

of the square in minutes.

Ok.

[Music playing]

Gopher, thank you
for a wonderful day.

Well, golly, listen, if you
thought today was wonderful,

just wait until you
see you tonight.

Bye.

Bye, you hear.

I hear.

Bonnie--

hi, what's the
matter, you look upset.

Let's just call
this whole thing off.

I mean, I ain't got
the right to ask

you to throw yourself
in front of a bunch

of guys you don't know.

But we can't call it off now.

I think I got your man.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I just got a
hunch that gopher is it,

the world's greatest kisser.

And I'll know tonight.

Well, now, you know you
don't have to do this for me.

Why not?

Aren't we best friends?

Yeah, I guess we
are best friends.

Ok.

I'll see you.

See you later, best friend.

[Music playing]

Yes, yes, I understand.

I know what we're
behind schedule

and I'm quite
aware of the tides.

But I also know that I
have a daughter ashore

and I have no intention
of sailing without her.

Who was that?

The company representative.

Well, can he
force you to sail?

This ship isn't going
anywhere until both

our girls get back on board.

Look who we found.

Melissa.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Oh, I was worried
sick about you.

Yeah, sure.

Captain, I'm sorry it's
so late, it's my fault.

Young lady, do you realize
you've held up the whole ship?

I said I was sorry.

Being sorry doesn't make up
for the problems you've caused.

Then I won't bother
saying it again.

We hope you enjoyed your
stay in puerto vallarta.

Our next stop is the
port of Los Angeles.

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Chilly, isn't it?

That's why we have arms.

And it's getting late.

Nonsense, my dear.

We still have some
important ground to cover.

Mr. Boggs, don't.

Take your hands
off that woman.

Stevens, what's
gotten into you?

Mr. Boggs, this woman,
this woman, Mr. Boggs,

is the number one most
important thing in my life.

She comes before boggs and
company and everything else.

This woman is my wife.

Your wife?

I know I was supposed
to bring her along,

but I love her very much.

And I can't stand
to be without her.

All right, all right,
Stevens, calm down.

I understand.

You do?

Of course I do.

But I hope you
understand, you're fired.

[Music playing]

Well, looks like
we've lost it all.

No, now we've got it all.

[Music playing]

I don't think I was
cut out to be a father.

I don't know how to handle it.

A good boarding school is
the only intelligent answer.

That depends,
what's the question?

What do you mean?

Because you can't deal
with being a parent or you

don't want to deal with it?

I want to do what's right for
Melissa, what's best for her.

I don't think I'm it.

Because you might
make a mistake?

Because I might make
a lot of mistakes.

I already have.

Oh, I don't know.

I've seen you do a few things
that look pretty right to me.

Mistakes don't really count.

Not as much as the love.

The voice of experience?

Painful experience.

But I discovered there
was more of myself

to give than I thought.

You know, a parent doesn't
have to be perfect, thank god.

But he does have to be there.

[Music playing]

Well, it's one of
my favorite places.

But I only take people there
that I think are very special.

Oh, gopher, is my
lipstick smeared?

No.

Well, isn't it
about time it was?

[Music playing]

Mmm.

Mmm.

Don't fight it, it's
bigger than both of us.

You say that again, look out.

Nobody steals my girl.

Bonnie: Oh, sawdust, no.

He isn't the world's
greatest kisser,

and he didn't steal Mary Beth.

Sawdust: Who's talking
about Mary Beth now, Bonnie?

You're my girl.

You dummy, I've always
been your girl, sawdust.

You're k*lling me.

[Music playing]

Excuse me, can I have
your attention, please?

Thank you.

Listen, I don't know
what's going on here.

But I would just like
to say one thing,

quantity will never
replace quality.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

[Knock on door]

Come in.

I thought we should talk.

I know you don't think
we can, but maybe I

can change your mind.

Whatever you say.

I say I've made some mistakes
since you come to live with me.

I've been leading my own
life for quite a long while.

And then suddenly,
there you were,

someone I really
cared about, someone I

wanted to do the very best for.

You really did?

Yes.

Deep down, I wasn't
sure I could.

I was afraid I couldn't.

I didn't know how to handle it.

And I panicked.

I went from trying
so hard to please you

I was tying us both in
knots to boarding school.

That was running away
from responsibility,

as far as I could get.

But I was doing it not
because I didn't love you,

but because I did.

Pinehurst is a fine school,
but if you went there,

it would cheat us out
of the precious years

we have left, before you
really go out on your own.

I would hate to miss them.

I think we've missed
too much already.

But you said to me at dinner,
from now on is what counts.

I hope you still think so.

Dad--

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

So what we were really doing
was looking for the ship's

officer that, well,
Mary Beth said was

the world's greatest kisser.

That's the wildest
story I ever heard.

But you said the
officer was transferred.

Yes, he's on another
Princess liner.

Oh.

Which one.

I'd still like a word with him.

Are you still mad at him?

No, I'd just
like to thank him.

Doc: Sawdust, may I ask
Bonnie a personal question?

Who's the world's
greatest kisser, right?

[Music playing]

Him.

That's my girl.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Bye.

Well, good bye, it's been
nice having you with us.

Thank you.

I know we'll see
you again real soon.

Only if you're hiring.

Boggs: Stevens.

Sorry, Mr. Boggs, you
can't fire me twice.

Oh, oh the contrary, my boy.

I have had a change of heart.

You mean I can
have my job back?

Boggs: Most certainly.

I would expect to see you Monday
morning, bright and early.

No, Mr. Boggs.

I'll see you two
weeks from Monday.

I'm taking my wife
on a honeymoon.

Stevens.

Ahem.

Well, of course you are.

Consider it my wedding gift.

I wonder what
changed his mind.

Maybe it was when
I said I looked

forward to meeting his wife and
telling her all about our trip.

I'm glad you and Melissa
have worked things out.

Me too.

But I must admit, i'm
still a little nervous

about raising a daughter.

Whoever said father
knows best, never met me.

Ready to go?

Yeah, dad.

Hey, Vicki, remember, I
want you to come visit us.

Oh, I'd love to.

It's going to be great.

Dad and I are going
to be a family again.

He's going to buy a
big house and I'm going

to cook him dinner every night.

Oh, well, that's terrific.

Hey, do you think this
afternoon would be too soon

for me to come and visit you?

Bye-bye

bye.

Bye-bye.

So, she's going to
cook for her father.

When are you going to
cook for your father?

I did once.

Remember that
souffle I made you?

Yes, I do.

Forget I asked.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]
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