07x18 - Ace in the Hole/Uncle Joey's Song/Father in the Cradle

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Love Boat". Aired: September 24, 1977 – May 24, 1986.*
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Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
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07x18 - Ace in the Hole/Uncle Joey's Song/Father in the Cradle

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme - "love boat theme"]

Theme song: Ooh.

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat-- soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard.

It's love!

[Music playing]

This is our lido deck.

It's fabulous.

The whole ship is.

No, fabulous isn't good enough.

It's outrageous.

Yes, but do you like it?

[Laughs] I'm sure gopher
has given you your duties.

Oh yeah.

That's right, sir.

You're taking pictures of the
passengers coming on board

and then at your
welcome aboard party,

the acapulco lounge, and various
candid sh*ts around the ship.

Very good.

Captain, I'd like to thank
you from the bottom of my heart

for the opportunity
to work here.

Oh, gopher's the one to thank.

He went to bat for you.

I know.

And I'll never forget
it, huh, gopher?

Aw, heck.

It's the least like I could do,
knowing your family that long.

I don't know, ace, why you
would ever want to work.

Hmm?

He stands to inherit
half the state.

Goph, I told you how I feel.

I want to make it on my own.

That's admirable.

Yes.

Stupid, but admirable.

Well, sir, your busy purser
has a lot of work to do.

So good luck, ace.

What a great guy.

That he is.

Oh, it was so much fun.

Oh, good.

I wish you could have come.

Oh, will you look at that?

[Laughter]

That'd be nice.

Oh, wow.

Who is that with your father?

Is my father there too?

That's Julie, our
cruise director.

And my daughter Vicki's
on the social staff.

Hmm.

They're lovely.

Come on.

Vicki, Julie, I'd like
to have you meet ace.

Hi.

Ace.

Of hearts?

The name my parents nailed me
with is Ashley Covington Evans.

But it's a lot easier if you
just use my initials, a. C. E.

Ace is our new
ship's photographer.

Oh, well, welcome aboard.

Well, thank you very much.

Say hello, Vicki.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, the passengers
will be boarding soon.

Do you want to get ready?

I'm already gone.

[Music playing]

I know I'm going to
love working here.

Well, what do you think?

Well, sir, if you
approve, I approve.

Mm-hmm.

And you, Vicki?

Uh, I just have one question.

Would you like to give me away
or just perform the ceremony?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

Crew (over pa
system): Attention

passengers-- the
pacific Princess

is now ready for boarding.

Good morning.

[Camera clicking]

There you are.

Smile, please.

Thank you.

You'll love that one.

Hello.

Beautiful-- you're
gonna love that.

Enjoy your cruise.

There we are.

Excellent.

Hello, sir.

There we go.

Enjoy your cruise.
- Yeah.

You look great.

Thank you.

Excuse me, but, uh,
you look familiar.

Joseph stobble.

No, you're not.

You're uncle Joey.

Well, I see I still
have one fan left.

One fan?
Are you kidding?

The kids in my
neighborhood loved

to watch your television show.

(Singing) Marshmallow,
popcorn, chocolate cake,

say "please" and "thank
you" for goodness sake.

You still remember that?

Oh sure.

Oh, I'm Isaac Washington.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Good to meet you.

You know, I loved
your television show.

I don't know why they
took it off the air.

Kids today would love it.

Uh, I'm afraid not,
Isaac, kids today

speak a different language.

I wouldn't know how
to talk to them.

Well, you sure know
how to talk to me.

Well, thanks for remembering.

Susan Russell: Excuse me.

Hi.

Could you tell me where
fiesta is, please?

Oh, yeah.

That's through the lobby,
turn right, and down one deck.

- Ah, thank you.
- Hi.

What's your name?

[Game beeping]

Scott?

Hi.

He's a little shy.

Oh, no problem.

Scotty-- Scott.

If you like, later on I can
show you around the ship.

No thanks.

Come on, mom.

[Sighs]

It-- it's nothing personal.

He just misses his dad.

His father passed
away about a year ago,

and Scotty's having a
hard time adjusting to it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you sure they're coming?

Doc, relax.

If you were two
beautiful sisters

and you had a chance to take a
romantic cruise with two guys

like us, would you stand us up?

No way.

But I never met them.

My-- my date doesn't even
know what I look like.

Don't worry.

I lied.

Hold on to your heart, doc.

Here they come, cute and
cuddly, the Colby sisters.

- Gopher!
- Gopher!

- Hi, girls.
- Hi.

How are ya?

How are ya?

Listen, I want you to
meet Dr. Adam bricker.

Hi.

Hi.

Doc, this is Caroline,
and this is Jeannie Colby.

Caroline, what a
pleasure to meet you.

- Thank you.
- Jeannie, welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Now, was I
exaggerating or what?

It'd be impossible.

[Laughter]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Ladies, may I take your picture?

You can take
anything you want.

Jeannie Colby: Mm-hmm.

Well, it's such
a nice day out.

I think we might work
over here on the stairs.

Uh-- let's see.

Why don't you go on up there?

You right there.

That'll be perfect.

Now this is what I
call pulchritude, huh?

Ok.
Let's see.

Why don't you get up there?
That's it.

Perfect.
Right there.

Mm, mm!

Who is that guy?

He's the new
ship's photographer.

[Camera clicking]

Oh.

I got him the job.

Brilliant.

Ace Evans: Flash those pearlies.

- How about over here?
- Perfect.

What do you say?

- Perfect.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Uh, has Jessica Chapman--

oh, I mean Jessica Elliott--

boarded yet?

I'll see.

No, not by either name.

I'm sorry about my confusion.

I'm Larry Chapman.

I'm just not used to calling
my mom by her new name.

She just got remarried.
- Oh.

Oh, how nice.

Yeah.

This is a "get
acquainted" cruise for us.

I haven't met the lucky guy yet.

Oh, well, I'm sure this will
be a happy cruise for you.

I'm happy for mom too.

It's been a long, long time.

Jessica Elliott: Larry.

Mom!

Oh.

[Squeezing hug]

You look terrific.

[Laughs]

Married life must
agree with you.

Well, seeing as I
have only been married

for two days, that's quite
a compliment for my husband,

isn't it?

Oh, honey, you're gonna
love him as much as I do.

Uh, I'm new at this.

Do I call you Brad or--

or dad?

Welcome to the family.

Larry, i--

I'm s-- sorry.

I should have tol--

I'm sorry.

That's not Brad.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Brad.

Hey, Larry.

Oh.

Or should I call you son?

[Ship's horn]

[Crowd shouting goodbyes]

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

Oh.

So where are these two
beautiful sisters I've

been hearing so much about?

Oh, they're putting
on their bikinis.

How long can that take?

[Laughs]

Ooh.

Oh, hey.

- That's them, man.
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Now, look, Isaac, we don't
need this, you understand,

but anything that you can say
to make us look good, you know.

Yeah.

Oh, i-- I got you.

I got you.

Ladies, welcome to the
fashionable lido deck bar.

Adam bricker: Hi.

Right this way.

Hi there.

Sorry you couldn't
find anything to wear.

[Laughter]

You guys-- you guys,
I want you to meet

one of our closest friends.

Isaac Washington, this is
Caroline and Jeannie Colby.

- Hello, Caroline--
- hi.

--Jeannie.

Well, now that
I've met you two, I

can see that the things that
gopher and doc were saying--

oh yeah, like what?

Oh, Isaac, now, come on.

Don't be doing that.
- Now, now.

You'll just embarrass us.
- Oh, come on.

Come on.
We want to know.

Oh, well, they were
saying things like, uh, you

two are the only
women they could

ever really be serious about.

[Gasps] Oh, and what else?

And that they
would really love

to have pictures to brighten
up their lonely rooms.

Oh, you would?

Uh-huh.

And our ship's photographer
is around here somewhere.

- He is?
- Where?

Isaac Washington:
Oh, there he is.

Just flash those pearlies.

Beautiful.
You're going to love that one.

One more, ok?

A little closer
together this time, ok?

Oh.

Well, come on, Jeannie.

Let's go.

What did you do?

You sent them to him.

Is that your idea of
making us look good?

You guys aren't worried
about ace, are you?

He's just a kid.

You are a smooth, sophisticated,
medical man of the world.

And you-- are his friend.

Relax.

Hmm.

Colby sisters: Flash
those pearlies!

Caroline Colby: That's the one.

Jeannie Colby: That's great.

[Laughs]

That's great.

Just what I always
wanted for my lonely room--

a picture of ace.

How-- how could you marry
a man so young, mother?

[Sighs] Mother?

What ever happened
to good old "mom"?

You only call me
"mother" when you're

going to be disapproving.

Mom, he's my age.

It's embarrassing.

Not to me.

Besides, you don't
even know Brad yet.

Jessica-- watch this.

This is going to be
the classic swan dive.

Ah!

[Laughs]

You think that's funny?

It's juvenile.

Larry, please.

I haven't been this happy
in a very long time.

What do your friends say?

If they're really my
friends, they're happy for me.

[Sighs] Oh, I know some of
them snicker behind my back.

But they go to sleep alone.

Honey, I love him very much.

But does he love you?

Or is it your money?

Hey, Larry.

How are you doing?

[Inaudible]

- Ooh, sorry.
- Well--

[laughs]

--I think I'll scout around.

I'm sure there's a lot of
girls here in our age bracket.

It's all right.

He'll, uh-- he'll
come around, I'm sure.

Yes, well, maybe by that time
I will be old enough for you.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Uncle Joey, you used to
tell some of the best

jokes on your TV show--

and some terrible puns.

Oh.

Remember this one?

What kind of milk is this?

Isaac and Joseph:
"Past your eye."

[Laughs]

[Game beeping]

Uncle Joey, you see
that kid over there?

Joseph stobble: Yeah, I see him.

You know, uh, his
father d*ed last year.

And his mom was telling
me that he's having kind

of a tough time bouncing back.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, I was thinking that
maybe he could use a little

of that old uncle Joey magic.

Oh, now wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

That was a long time ago.

Yeah, I know.

But I thought maybe--

no.

Kids are no longer
a part of my life.

Let's-- let's keep it that way.

[Music playing]

Hello, Vicki.

Are you looking for someone?

Oh, no, i--

I was just gonna post
this ship's directory up

on the bulletin board
in case one of the crew

needs to find something.

Oh, that's a good idea.

They are always getting
lost, aren't they?

What's the candy for?

In case one of them
gets lost and hungry.

That's a nice fruit
basket, isn't it?

Is that your afternoon snack?

I thought I heard voices.

Anything I can do for you?

No.

No.

[Music playing]

Hi, uncle Joey.

Oh, hi, Isaac.

Look, Isaac, I, uh--

I don't want you
to think that i'm

some kind of an ogre about
not wanting to help that kid.

Oh, that's ok.

I had no right to ask.

This is your vacation.

No, it's not that.

It's just that I'm out of touch.

Kids don't respond to
me the way they used to.

Yes, they do.

I do.

Well, it's nice to hear.

But you're not a kid.

Am I too old to
ask for an autograph?

Well, no, not if
you really want one.

Good.

Would you put it on this?

What's this?

Open it.

Flapjack.

[Music playing]

Where did you get this?

Don't you remember?

Three boxtops from
toasty oaties?

Oh, I haven't
seen him in years.

Look, the butter
hasn't even melted yet.

[Laughter]

Flapjack has been all
over the world with me--

Australia, the Greek
isles, Japan, China.

Oh, you little rascal.

Why didn't you take me with you?

Because it would have been
too crowded in Isaac's cabin.

He meant a lot to me.

So did you.

See you later.

Oh, Isaac, you
forgot flapjack--

Uncle Joey (voiceover):
So long, kids.

Uncle Joey and flapjack'll
see you tomorrow.

Flapjack (voiceover):
And if he can't make it,

I'll do the show alone.

[Children laughing]

[Applause]

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

How about racquetball?

Do you play?

Yeah, but i--

I'm more into jogging lately.

I-- you know.

So am I. In fact, i'm
running in a k next week.

Oh, is that right?

That's terrific.

Well, to the three of us.

You know, I've been
thinking of going into videos.

There is a fortune
to be made there.

I agree with you
a hundred percent.

I mean, there's gotta
be, what, new shows

devoted totally just to videos.

It's unbelievable.

Well, if you're
interested in music--

and who isn't-- it's a
fantastic form of expression.

[Clears throat] I wonder
where an alien would

go to register around here.

What?

Well, i'm--

I'm just not too sure what
you fellas are, uh, saying.

Well, uh, better
get used to it, mom.

This is what young
people talk about.

Oh, just think--

we're having dinner in
the middle of the ocean.

Isn't it exciting?

Mom?

Yes, dear?

Do I have to eat my spinach?

Well, not if
you don't want to.

We're on vacation.

Boy, am I hungry.

What do we got for dinner?

Turkey, yea!

I used to play
baseball with a Turkey,

but he could only
hit "fowl" balls.

[Laughs]

Oh, look at that-- corn.

Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.

Say, what does an ear of corn
get when it has dandruff?

Corn flakes!

[Laughs]

All right.
All right.

Now behave yourself.

Behave yourself.

I'm afraid you'll have
to forgive flapjack.

He only knows bad jokes.

Well, hello, flapjack.

I'm Susan Russell,
and this is Scott.

Hi.

And I'm uncle Joey.

Scott.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Etch.

Etch who?

Gesundheit.

Yea!

Come on, now.

That's enough of that.
Come on.

Come on.
Behave yourself.

Oh, no.

More.

More?

You mean you really
like his jokes?

Yeah, they're funny.

Well, all right.

I'll tell you what--

after dinner, he'll
tell you some more.

Great.

- See you later.
- Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Well, good evening.

Well, good evening.

Good evening.

Are we dining
privately tonight?

We aren't.

We are.

Oh, of course, romance--

the cobra sisters, right?

Colby.

Natural mistake.

You'll just have
to survive this meal

without our
scintillating presence.

Oh, well, don't worry.

There are other
crew members around.

Get the-- [clicks] --Picture?

Gopher and doc:
[Disappointed moan]

[Laughs]

- Good evening.
- Hey.

Good evening.

Hi.

- Oh, you both look so lovely.
- Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

Is tonight a special
occasion of some kind?

Oh, no.

Just having dinner with
a few fellow workers.

[Chuckles]

Well, let's see what
we have tonight.

See anything you like?

On the menu?

- Hi, guys.
- Good evening.

Well, hi.
Good evening.

I saw these two
beautiful creatures

outside and wanted
to make sure they

found their way to your table.

Thank you.

Oh, well, thank you.

Enjoy your dinner.

Well, won't you join us?

No.

Ace has other plans tonight.

Don't you, ace?

Well, as a matter
of fact, I, um--

well, I'm sorry, but this
is just a table for four.

Here.

Ok.

There's plenty of room
if we all just squeeze in.

I hate pushy women.

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

Hey, you want to join
your mother and me?

[Scoffs]

What'd you do?

Put those on my mother's tab?

Hey, I can pay my
own freight, Larry.

Oh, you're going Dutch treat?

I'll ignore that.

Good.

And I'll ignore you.

Here we go.

I saw you talking to Larry.

Yeah, well, we were
chatting a moment.

You were chatting.

He looked as though
he was snarling.

I'm afraid that he's not
coming around as I hoped.

Well, Jessica, he's young.

Well, he's young
young, you know?

[Laughs]

I've had enough.

Oh, sure, goph.

We have to talk.

I'll be right back.

What?

Is something wrong?

A lot is wrong, ace.

Come on, goph, huh?

Flash those pearlies.

This is serious, guy.

I don't know what
you thought you were

supposed to be
doing around here,

but you were hired
to take pictures.

Come on, goph.

I took over pictures today.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, it also
seems like you're

trying to take over every
woman on the ship, you know?

I wasn't trying to take over.

I was trying to be
nice to the passengers.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, Caroline and Jeannie
are two passengers that doc

and I are trying to be nice to.

Oh, well, you mean--

right.

And besides, when
were you planning

to process these pictures?

They're supposed to be
posted in the purser's

lobby tomorrow morning.

I know.

I dropped them off at the
darkroom to be developed.

Well, who's going
to develop them?

Elves?

Ace, this is your job.

You better go do it.

[Laughter]

I got one.

Yeah, what?

If athletes have athlete's
foot, then what do astronauts

have?
- I don't know.

What?
- "m*ssile toes."

[Laughs]

Ah!
Well.

[Laughs]

[Applause in background]

Well, young man,
it's bedtime for you.

Say good night to uncle Joey.

Oh, can't I stay
up a little longer?

Oh, come on.

You get a good night's
sleep, and then we'll

have the whole day
together tomorrow.

Ok.

Excuse me, Mr. Stobble.

Yes.

Good evening.

A lot of our passengers grew
up watching you on television,

and they've been asking me
if you were going to perform.

Would you, please?

Can, um, Scott stay
up a few minutes longer?

Why, sure, sure.

I'd be glad to.

Thank you.

[Chatter in background]

Ladies, and gentlemen,
and children of all ages,

it's my pleasure to introduce
to you tonight everybody's

favorite uncle, uncle Joey.

[Applause]

Thank you very much.

This trip has been
very special for me.

I met a lot of old friends.

And I can tell you it's
nice to be remembered.

I used to end my show
every night with a--

with a little song.

I'd like to sing it for
you tonight, especially for

my new friend, Scott Russell.

[Applause]

[Music playing]

(Singing) Good night.

Good night.

It's time to say good night.

Sleep tight, and then
I'll be with you again.

Remember that I love you.

That's all you need to know.

And keep that love
inside you, no matter--

make him stop!

(Singing) --Where you go.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Applause]

[Sighs]

Not as easy as you thought
it would be, is it?

[Scoffs] I don't
know why, but i--

I never thought Larry
would be this upset.

You're not sorry you
married me, are you?

I should be asking you that.

Well, isn't that sweet?

Young love.

Larry.

You need help there, pal?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm just affected by these
may-December romances.

They're so touching.

Larry.

[Sighs] He's never
been a drinker.

Well, listen-- you
know, for a beginner,

he shows great promise.

[Sighs] Oh.

Larry, you look terrible.

Let me get you to bed.

I-- i-- I'll meet you back
at the cabin, all right?

Great honeymoon.

Brad, he's my son.

I guess blood is thicker
than water, even if it is,

uh, % gin, right?

Oh.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh.

[Sighs]

[Phone ringing]

Yes.

Crew (on phone): Ace?

Yeah.

Ace, your ship-to-shore
call is on the line.

Thank you.
Hello.

Mr. Hendricks (on phone): Hello.
- Hello.

Is this mr Hendricks of
Hendricks photo finishing?

Mr. Hendricks (on
phone): [Inaudible]

This is ace Evans, the
little guy with the crew cut

who used to come in with
his mother all the time.

You remember me.

Mr. Hendricks (on
phone): [Inaudible]

Yes, I know it's very late.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

But you see-- [laughs]
--I'm in the middle

of the pacific ocean right now.

And I was wondering if
maybe you could tell me

how to develop a roll of film?

[Line goes dead]

Hello?

[Music playing]

H-- hello?

Mr.-- Mr. Hendricks?

[Music playing]

Crew : Buenos d as and
welcome to acapulco.

It's a sunny degrees today,
perfect for fishing, water

skiing, or soaking up
rays on one of the world's

most glamorous beaches.

Whatever your pleasure,
we're sure you'll

find acapulco one giant fiesta.

Ok, I'll put you down
for the fiesta land tour.

Why don't you take
this brochure?

It'll explain it all.

All right.

[Phone ringing]
- Gopher.

Sir?

[Clears throat]

[Telegraph and chatter in
background]

Is there a problem with ace?

Not that I'm aware of, sir.

Well, a few of
the passengers have

asked me where they can see
the pictures he took yesterday.

Doesn't he know he's
supposed to post them

every morning in the lobby?

Check into it right away, sir.

Remember, gopher-- we hired
him on your recommendation.

[Phone ringing]

Right, sir.

But I was hired on yours.

Uh--

[music playing]

[Knocking]

May I come in?

Oh.

Yes, of course.

[Sighs] You deserve
an explanation

for Scott's behavior last night.

Oh, no, no.
That's all right.

- Oh, please.
- You don't have to--

please.

Listen.

You've been wonderful for Scott.

Yeah.

I could tell.

No, really.

You made him laugh.

You made him come alive.

You're the first
person who's done that.

When Scott ran out last
night, it wasn't you.

It was your song.

It has a very special
meaning for him.

My song?

Well, you see,
every night when

Scott's father would
tuck him into bed,

he would sing him your song.

It was their lullaby.

Scott hasn't heard that
song since the night

before his father d*ed.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I just wanted you to know.

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

Hey, um, sourpuss.

Come on.

Smile.

Brad, I'm sorry about
last night, but--

well, you-- you
were sound asleep

when I got back to the cabin.

I--

yeah, I know.

[Sighs] Darling, please
try and understand.

He was so sick.

So I'll-- I'll
make it up to you.

I promise.

Larry!

[Sea gulls crying]

I only came over to apologize.

Thanks.

Not to you-- to my mother.

Larry, why don't you just
drink your black coffee?

Because it's great
for a hangover.

I remember from
when I was a kid.

Well, I think I'll go
inside and get some fresh air.

Now, would you be a love
and take our picture with ace?

Oh, it's been my
burning ambition.

Ok, put your heads close
together and [inaudible]..

[Camera click]

Would you excuse
us a moment, please?

We have some ship's
business to discuss.

Sure.

You're the ship's
business we have to discuss.

Me?

Well, whatever you say, goph.

Don't you keep him all day.

We'll meet you
at the pool, ok?

All righty.

Ah.

Ace--

yeah?

There's not a single
picture in the purser's lobby.

There hasn't been one
this whole cruise.

Now, how are people gonna buy
'em if they can't see 'em?

Ace Evans: [Sighs]

Gopher: What's the story?

You want the truth, right?

Or a very entertaining lie.

I didn't develop the film.

I hope that's the
very entertaining lie.

Or maybe you were
too busy last night?

No.

I don't know how
to develop film.

Gopher and doc: Huh?

Gopher: I got you this job, and
you're not even a photographer?

I am, and I'm a good one.

But I've never
developed my own film.

I-- I didn't know it
was part of the job.

I don't want to be the
one to tell the captain.

Neither do I.

That makes three of us.

But I did hire you.

So I guess it's my job
to tell the captain.

No.

Hold on, goph.

No reason to put
yourself on the spot.

I goofed.

I'll tell him.

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

It's open.

Hi.

Look, I'm gonna make
this short and sweet, ok?

You're acting like an idiot.

Just as short
and just as sweet--

get out of here.

Larry, you're
hurting your mother.

Yeah?

Well, better I hurt her now
than you hurting her later.

Larry, this is
the th century.

Women marry men
younger than they are.

Yeah?

Yeah.

And they divorce them too.

Then let her decide that.

Look, who made the rules anyway
that women gotta be younger

and the men older?

Or women gotta be
shorter, men taller?

A woman stays at home;
The man goes to work?

Come on, Larry.

Grow up.

Times change.

Not entirely.

Some men still marry
women for their money.

I'm not going even honor
that remark with an answer.

Hit a nerve, didn't I?

If you weren't
my wife's son, i'd

knock you right on your butt.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, well, I don't
think you're big enough.

Hey.

Don't-- don't press
your luck with me, kid.

Kid?

Why don't we settle
this like men?

All right, come on.

Come on.

I really know how
to pick 'em here.

Actually hired a
photographer who does

not know how to develop film.

Well, what was
he planning to do?

Take the film to a
drugstore in acapulco?

[Grunting and thumping]

Hey, wait a minute!

Cut that out!

Guys, come on!

Guys, cut it out.
Hey, hey, come on.

Cut it out.
Cut it out.

- Come on.
- Come on.

All right.
Ok?

Hey, come on.
Cool it.

Any time you
wanna continue this,

you know where you can find me.

I'll be with your mother.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Take it easy.

You all right?

Yeah.

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

Joseph stobble: Scotty?

It's uncle Joey.

Hi.

I've been looking
for you all day.

I was in acapulco with my mom.

Oh.

Well, i'm-- i'm
glad you're back.

Uh, flapjack has
a problem, and i--

I think I might need your help.

What's the matter with him?

Well, he made a very
good friend yesterday,

and he was very happy.

But today, that friend is
gone, and he's very sad.

He lost a very special friend.

And he won't talk
to me about it.

Well, I can't.

It hurts too much.

Well, I know, but
that can't be avoided.

Sure it can.

I have a secret way.

Oh?

What's that?

I can't tell you.

It's a secret.

Well, then maybe
you could tell Scotty.

Flapjack: All right.

Scotty, guess what?

I'm not really here.

Huh?

Flapjack: That's right.

I've crept into a tiny
little space inside myself.

And I won't let anyone else in.

That way no one can
ever hurt me again.

I won't even let
uncle Joey hug me.

Only thing is,
though, it doesn't

make me feel any better.

Yeah, I know.

I think I know
something that might help.

Oh?

What's that?

You could cry.

Flapjack: Puppets can't cry.

No, that's true.

But luckily, little boys can.

Now, Scotty, you can only hold
those tears in just so long.

Then you gotta let them out.

No.

Scotty, you're
a wonderful boy.

And your daddy
loved you very much.

He was a very special man.

But he's gone.

It's not fair.

No.

No, it isn't fair.

You miss him, and it hurts.

But you've gotta let all that
hurt out of you so that you

can remember him with love.

Won't.

I won't.

Here.

Let me help you.

(Singing) Good night.

Good night.

It's time to say good night.

Sleep tight, and then--

[crying]

(Singing) --I'll
be with you again.

Remember that I love you.

That's all you need to know.

And keep that love inside
you, no matter where you go.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Chatter in background]

[Scoffs] I still
can't believe it--

the two of you fighting
like a couple of children.

I-- I expected more of you.

Why?

I'm the same age as your kid.

Now you even sound like him.

Look, maybe Larry was right.

I mean, maybe I am
too young for you.

Do you really mean that, Brad?

Or do you mean that
I'm too old for you?

Jessica, I just don't want
to pull a mother and son apart.

Look, when I married you,
I wanted to become part

of a family, not destroy one.

This is just not working out
the way either of us wanted.

[Music playing]

Gopher (over pa): The captain
has pulled up anchor and is now

departing from acapulco.

For those of you
don't want to leave,

mutinies are usually staged in
the purser's lobby around :.

Ms. Russell?

Someone to see you.

I love you, mommy.

Oh.

[Chuckles] I love
you too, Scotty.

Thank you for my son.

Oh.

Well--

[chatter in background]

Congratulations.

Your mother may be put in the
"guinness book of records"

thanks to you for the
world's shortest marriage.

What?

I think Brad's leaving me.

I'm sorry.

[Scoffs]

No, I'm not.

It's for the best.

It isn't.

I love Brad.

For now, but what about down
the line years from now?

I was willing to put my faith
in him, in his love for me.

Mom, did you ever
consider that maybe

he married you for your money?

He didn't.

Ask him.

I don't have to.

Listen to me, young man.

The money your father left
me I put into a trust fund.

You'll start receiving
payments when you're .

You didn't have to do that.

I never intended to.

It was Brad's idea.

He thinks we should live
on the money he makes.

By the way, son,
he does very well.

Very, very well.

[Music playing]

The captain was
rough on you, huh?

I haven't had a
chance to tell him yet.

He's been tied up.

Well, looks like
somebody just untied him.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Sir.

Good evening.

Now, about your
pictures, ace--

well, sir, the truth of the
matter is, you see, when i--

sir, the truth
of the matter is

that you just can't
judge someone's

ability the first time out.

Right.

You can't Polish a
diamond overnight.

Right.

Some things just take more time.

Whatever you two are
talking about, hold on.

Now, you were late
in getting them up,

but your pictures in
the lobby look good.

My pictures looked good?

Very good.

Now, uh, what were
you two talking about?

Oh, nothing, nothing.
Nothing at all.

Nothing.

We don't have
anything to say, zip.

[Talking over each other]

Let's go.

[Music playing]

Adam bricker: I
thought you didn't

know how to develop film.

I don't.

Don't tell me there are elves.

Julie McCoy: In a
manner of speaking.

You two did this?

How?

Well, we girls have
our little secrets.

How will I ever repay you?

Well, I know a really nice
restaurant in Los Angeles.

We eat like birds.

Wait a minute,
hold everything.

Doc.

[Phone ringing]

Very sneaky, but clever.

Hmm.

How old were you
when this was taken?

Mm, .

Mm-hmm.

(Whispering) You mean
these are all old pictures?

They're unclaimed pictures
from previous cruises.

I was wondering why I didn't
recognize any of the people.

You know you guys are too much?

Thanks.

I'm still gonna have
to tell the captain.

I might lose my new job.

But I hope I never
lose my new friends.

[Music playing]

Larry Chapman: Brad.

I owe you an apology.

You owe your
mother a bigger one.

He's already apologized to me.

Look, I've said some terrible
things to you and about you.

Well, I'm young, I
can handle it, right?

Not as young as I am.

I got a lot of growing up to do.

Yeah, well, I guess we all do.

I don't.

[Laughter]

Sweetheart, I do love you.

Oh, I know, and I
love you, my darling.

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Just do me one favor--

make her happy.

I didn't marry her to
make her happy, Larry.

Huh?

I married her
to make me happy.

Darling.

[Music playing]

Bye-bye.

I'm gonna get you that.

Julie-- our compliments
to the crew staff.

It was a fantastic trip.

Aw, thanks.

You look like one
big happy family.

That we are.

Hey, let's go,
because i'm, uh, dying

to take my son fishing here.

And I'm dying to
tell one of my friends,

"my father can
lick your father."

And believe me-- he can.

[Laughs] Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Isaac, Scotty and I would like
to thank you for all your help.

This has been a wonderful trip.

Oh, good.

You come back and
see us real soon, ok?

Ok.
We'll see you next week.

[Laughter]

Not that soon, honey.

There he is--

uncle Joey!
- Oh.

Over here, uncle Joey.

Hey, Scotty.

How's my boy, huh?

Say, Isaac, this is yours.

You know, uncle Joey,
I've been thinking.

I've been doing a
lot of traveling,

and a ship isn't a
proper home for flapjack.

You know, you're right.

Say-- Scotty, how
would you like to take

care of flapjack for us?

Gee, thanks, uncle Joey.

Boy, am I glad to get
rid of that old geezer.

[Laughter]

Well, Scott, we
better get going, huh?

Goodbye.

Bye.

We'll never forgot you.

Come on.

Bye, uncle Joey.

Susan Russell: Bye-bye.

Bye.

Scott Russell: Bye.

Uncle Joey, you still
got your touch with kids.

You got a great
touch with old geezers.

[Music playing]

Gee, it's too bad we
didn't get to spend more time

with you ladies on this cruise.

Yeah, but why don't we all
just get together on shore?

Oh, it sounds like fun.

Great.

How about tomorrow night?

Oh, we can't.

Tomorrow night we're seeing ace.

Yeah, sorry.
Oh.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

- Thank you for sailing with us.
- Bye.

Hope you had a nice cruise.

Come back and see us again.

You're a very
understanding man, captain.

No, don't let that get around.

I want my crew to think
I've got a mean streak.

Oh, you do.

I mean, they do.

I-- I mean, they have great
respect for you, and so do I.

Yes.

Well, tell me-- how long will
this accelerated course take?

Well, sir, I figure with
studying full-time I should

know all there is to
know about developing

and printing in three weeks.

Good.

Then that's when we'll
see you back on the job.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, in the meantime, the
emergency team will help out.

Hey, right here.

Smile.

[Chuckles]

Vicki and Julie:
Flash those pearlies.

[Camera clicks]

[Theme - "love boat theme"]

[Music playing]
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