07x24 - A Rose is Not a Rose/Novelties/Too Rich and Too Thin

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪♪

Right through
those doors.

Hi.
I'm Helen Williams.

I'm in
on the promenade deck.

Could one of you
please direct me to my cabin?

Yes, Mrs. Williams.
That's just up the elevator

and aft of the ship.

-Oh, thank you very much.
-Hello, Helen. Remember me?

No. I don't believe I do.

Well, Walter love.

May I direct you
to your cabin?

We met at a novelty convention
about five years ago.

Ever since, I've been
sending you my novelties,

and your assistant
has been sending them back.

Oh. Well, Mr....

Love. Walter love.

This happens to be
my vacation.

And if you don't mind,
it's starting right now.

Well,
struck out again.

Ah, too bad.

That woman owns one
of the largest

mail order businesses
in the country.

Boy, would I like to get
my novelties into her catalog.

Well, don't give up.

This is a long cruise.

Anything can happen.
-Yeah.

Let us know
if you need a hand.

I hope your date for this cruise
is as pretty as mine.

Merrill: Oh, she is
very attractive.

We'll see
whose date she is.

I have a feeling
I've seen her somewhere before.

Well, if that's the line
you plan to use, forget it.

That went out
with high-button shoes.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, hi.

-I'm Jaime Sloane.
-Hello.

I'm captain merrill stubing.

And this is Dr. Adam bricker.
-Hi.

In case you're interested, i'm
an old-fashioned ship's doctor.

I make cabin calls.

[ Laughs ]

I'll keep that in mind.

Wait a minute.
I know who you are.

You're the, uh,
you're the jungle mystery girl.

That's it.
That television commercial,

the one with the girl
draped over the lion.

Jungle mystery,
the only thing you need to wear

when your man is
king of the beasts.

[ Both laugh ]

If there's anything I can do

to make your cruise more
comfortable

or hopefully
more memorable...

Thank you.

As a matter of fact,
there is.

Would you give this...
To the kitchen staff?

It's a list of
my dietary restrictions.

-A problem?
-Oh, no.

Just watching
my weight.

My theory on food is,

if you can't see it,
you can't eat it.

[ Chuckles ]

Consider it done.

Yes.
And while you're doing that,

I'll show miss Sloane
to her cabin.

Thank you.

Right this way.

♪♪

Excuse me.

Yes?

I'm Rose York.

Oh, of course, miss York.
I'm Julie McCoy.

I'm the one
who hired you for this cruise.

Yeah.

You have a marvelous eye
for talent.

Oh, are you the lady
who's gonna be singing

in the acapulco lounge?

Uh, singing?
[ Chuckles ]

Let's say "starring,"
darling.

I almost
didn't recognize you.

Those pictures
you sent were just...

Oh,
those silly things.

Darling, those pictures
are older than I am.

They were taken when I first
started my singing career.

Well, miss. York,

I'm sure you're going
to be a sensational attraction.

Well,
if I'm not, darling,

I will be the first one
to be surprised.

Excuse me.
My name is radford harcourt.

I couldn't help but overhear
that you're an entertainer.

Just what is it
that you do?

Darling, I do it all.

I'll bet she does.

♪♪

Attention,
all visitors ashore.

We sail in minutes.

Rose, if there's anything else
you need,

just let me know
after we sail.

Well,
thank you, darling.

I just know
we're going to be

the closest of friends.

That's great.
Bye-bye.

♪♪

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Air horn blows ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Excuse my back.

If you think I'm gonna ask
about the numbers on your shirt,

you're wrong.

Huh? Oh, this?

For goodness' sake,
I didn't even know I had it on.

All right. I give up.

Why do you have the numbers
on your shirt?

Ah.

That is
a terrific question.

I thought you'd never ask.

Well,
this is the perfect gift

for a woman to give to a man
that she loves the most.

-I don't get it.
-Well, it's really quite simple.

The guy doesn't have
to move a muscle.
He just lies there.

If he has an itch,
he says to her,
"scratch three."

Massage --
"scratch seven."

Should sell for about...

$.

What do you say I put you down
for six dozen?

You're right
about one thing --

it's simple.

[ Laughs ]

You are a crazy man.

And you...Are a challenge.

I'll tell you what.

Either I put you down
for six dozen, or...

You have dinner with me.

Suppose my answer is,
"neither."

Yes, well,
I never considered that.

Well, in that case,
I'll just keep on
bothering you.

[ Chuckles ]

See you at dinner.

Ah, wait.
Eh, before you go,

could you do me
one small favor?

What now?

Would you scratch
three?

Ahh.

Wait a minute.

Now, seven is itching.
-Oh.

I should've put numbers
on the front.

♪♪

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Oh, yes, operator.

Are you ready with my call
to San Francisco?

Thank you.

Uh, hello, Rose?

It's Barry.

Well, so far, so good.

Rose, will you stop worrying?

I'll pull it off for you --
believe me.

Look. I did this when I first
started out in show business

years ago.

Now, you listen to me.

If the doctor says you're
to spend two more weeks in bed,

that's exactly
what you're gonna do.

Rose, you need the money
from this gig.

Look. Later on,
when things get better,

well, so you owe me one.

Yeah. Well,
what are friends for?

I mean --

[ knock on door ]

Just a second!

I got to go.
There's somebody at the door.

Keep taking your medicine.

Who is it?
-Steward.

Steward.

Gorgeous.

You're not the steward.
-Oh, yes, I am.

That's my middle name --
radford Stewart harcourt.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, radford,
you are a scam.

Lovely roses
for a lovely Rose.

I even had the thorns
taken off.

[ Chuckles ]
How sweet. Thank you.

May I come in?

Well,
I'm hardly dressed.

Oh, I won't look.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, you are
a naughty boy.

[ Laughs ]

We'll, uh,
we'll see you later, all right?

Rose,
I still have your flowers.

♪♪

Here you go, Jaime.
I hope this'll cool you off.

Well...
You're gonna spoil me.

A woman should be spoiled.

Ooh.

Beware of captains
bearing fruit drinks.

Ah.
I think you'll like this.

It's, uh, pineapple juice,
papaya nectar,

coconut milk, and cream.

Ooh, that drink
must have , calories.

Oh, I didn't think
about that.

I did.

The Adam bricker special --

plain, pure mineral water
from natural, running Springs --

no calories,
no carbohydrates --

and no taste.

Merrill,
how would I find out

if there's been
a message for me?

It'll be
in the radio room.

If you like, I'll check
on the way back to my office.

Oh,
I'd appreciate that.

I'm sweating out an appointment
for a final interview.

-Oh, it sounds important.
-It is.

Whoever lands
this commercial assignment

moves up to supermodel.

-Ooh.
-Ooh.

Right up there with Cheryl tiegs
and christie Brinkley.

Ooh,
that's major league.

And major money.

I've got to be absolutely
perfect for this interview.

Looks to me like
you already are.

Yuck.

I mean, perfect
doesn't include pudgy thighs.

I don't think you should be
so hard on myself.

Well, if I'm not,

I'll wind up modeling
for cute and chubette.

The buffet's on the lido deck,
right down that corridor.

Have fun.

-Oh, miss McCoy.
-Yes?

You haven't, by chance,
seen miss York, have you?

Rose?
No, not since we boarded.

I have seen her
since then.

I can't wait
to see her again.

[ Laughs ]

-Miss McCoy.
-Yes?

My name is Barry corwin.

I had an ideal childhood.

I love
my mother and my father.

And my only
character defect

is an uncontrollable
attraction

to a lovely woman
like yourself.

Why, thank you.

Why do I get the feeling
that we've met before?

Well, probably because

you've been dreaming about me
for years.

♪♪

Excuse me.
Are you the jungle mystery lady?

Are you
the king of the beasts?

I could be.

[ Laughs ]

Uh, how's my timing
for a dinner invitation?

Not so good.

Merrill already
invited me.

Oh, that's it.

If merrill gets dinner,
I get dancing.

It's a date.

All right.

Jaime, what is all this?

Looks like you've cornered
the market on diet aids.

Well, you know
what they say --

you can never be too rich
or too thin.

You know what else
they say --

too much medication
can be hazardous to your health.

Adam, they're nonprescription.
They're very mild.

Yeah, but they do have
medication in them, Jaime.

On camera, Adam, a pound
can make the difference

between tres chic
and chipmunk cheeks.

[ Laughs ]

Well, as long as
you don't use them too often.

Word of honor -- only
when it's absolutely necessary.

Okay. End of lecture.

The king of the beasts
will see you later.

I'm looking forward
to it.

[ Growls ]

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Attention, please.

Late-seating dinner

is now being served
in the coral dining room.

♪♪

Glad you chose to have dinner
with me tonight.

Chose?
What else could I do?

You kept calling me on the phone
and knocking on my door.

I had to knock
on your door.

You weren't answering
your telephone.

Yes, well,
a quick little dinner,

and then I have to go back
to my cabin.

Maybe for
a little nightcap?

On second thought,

maybe we'll go dancing
after dinner.

Is something the matter?

I'm waiting
for the other shoe to drop.

I don't get you.

Well, we've almost gotten
through the meal,

and you haven't tried
to sell me anything.

Ah, good.
Your milk is here.

I didn't order any milk.

Uh, thank you.
You may pour it now.

Water. I...

[ Cow moos ]

So that's what you're trying
to sell me.

I am not trying
to sell you anything.

I am merely trying to sell
the children of america

good health and nutrition

when the mothers
fill this pitcher with milk

and then pour it.

[ Cow moos ]

Well, what do you think?

Noooooo.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, merrill.
Just to set the record straight,

you get dinner,
and I get dancing.

Right?

Right.

I love this attention.

Oh, then a bit more
is in order.

Perhaps you'd enjoy a stroll
on deck with me later

right after dancing
with Adam, of course.

Thank you, merrill.
I'd love that.

What is this?

Is there
something wrong?

Uh, it looks like
just about everything.

That list of restrictions
I gave you

specified no sauces,
no starches, and no fats.

And this chicken
wasn't skinned,

and it's swimming
in cream sauce.

And those are French-fried
potatoes.

Would you please take it off?
I can't stand to look at it.

Uh, please, uh, bring
miss Sloane another dinner

and see that it is
properly prepared

according to the specifications
she gave the kitchen.

I apologize
for this mix-up.

I don't mean
to be a problem.

It's just
I do have to be careful.

Well, we all do.

I know I do.
It's a constant battle.

Usually won
by the spaghetti.

[ Laughs ]

[ Chuckles ]

I guess things'll ease up
after the pressure's off

and the competition's over.

Well, that's just it.

Competition is never over.

♪♪

Helen,
you're a terrific dancer.

Thank you.
I haven't danced in years.

I've been so wrapped up
in my business.

In fact, I've not really relaxed
in a long time.

So, how does it feel?

Oh, it feels good.

You know something?

You're nice when you're
not selling anything.

You know something?

You're even nice
when you're not buying anything.

[ Laughs ]

But I'm afraid
you're not gonna have

too much chance
to relax on this cruise.

Oh? Why not?

Because falling in love
usually takes a lot of time.

Excuse me. Have either of you
seen Barry corwin?

I don't even know
a Barry corwin.

Hmm, well, I do.

Mm. Sounds like you had
a very pleasant day.

Mm-hmm.
And I'm looking forward

to an even more
pleasant evening.

Where is this guy?
I've got to meet him.

You will
if I can ever find him.

♪♪

Do you always
overwhelm the ladies?

Oh, on the contrary,
most women bore me.

A few,
I find entertaining,

but it's only once in a lifetime
I meet someone like you.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, you are a flatterer.

Oh, not at all.
Not at all.

Beneath all of this frivolity,
glitter, and charm,

I'm a very serious man.

I've known a lot of women
from monte Carlo to New York,

but no one like you, Rose.

You're different.

Radford, you are
a very persuasive gentleman,

but I also am
a very serious woman.

Oh, that's great.
We're both serious...

Yes.

...because I take love
seriously.

Love?

I can wait.

It'll happen to you too.

Careful. You'll get frown lines
on your pretty face.

How bad can it be?

It's nothing, really.

You're right.

For a woman your size,

pounds
is practically nothing.

Well, thin is in.

Besides, my career
depends on it.

All right,
but being too underweight

can seriously damage
your health.

You know something?

You're right.

And I'm awfully glad
you brought it up.

As soon as
this interview is over,

I'll put on a few pounds.

I promise.

Uh, Jaime.

Oh, look at the time.

I've got to go.

Hey, cinderella.

You forgot
both your slippers.

Oh, thanks.

♪♪

I'm glad I finally
ran into you, Julie.

Well, I was kind of hoping
I'd run into you too.

Where have you been?

Well, I, uh, I fell overboard
for a couple hours,

and I didn't want
to make a fuss.

Ah.

Well, I like the strong,
silent type.

Actually, I've been
pretty busy myself.

Oh? Doing what?

Well, as cruise director,
I have a lot of things to do.

I have to make sure
all the passengers are happy.

I have to arrange
for Rose York's performance

in the acapulco lounge
tomorrow night.

I --

do you think
she's gonna be any good?

Well,
I've never seen her perform,

but she's got
a great personality.

Better than mine?

Well, I think you're both
kind of cute

in different ways,
of course.

Listen. Uh, I know
this is awfully sudden,

but, uh...

Could I have a kiss?

Uh, just in case
I fall overboard again?

Well, it is sudden,

but you do look
a little clumsy.

♪♪

Helen,
you're a remarkable woman.

I really admire you.

You're successful,
intelligent, witty.

Oh, keep it up.
I love it.

You're sexy.

You're crazy.

Ah.
Just what I always wanted.

Crazy sex.

Oh, that was nice.

Oh. I almost forgot.

I've got a present
for you

perfume. How sweet.

Thank you.

Smell it.

I don't smell anything.

Exactly.

That's the beauty of it.

It's for women
who are allergic to perfume

but want to spend
a lot of money.

I think it should go
for about $ an ounce.

What do you think?

What do I think?

I think
seconds from now,

you are gonna be
standing here alone.

You are, without a doubt,

the most self-centered,
irritating salesman

that I have ever known
in my entire life.

And I could go
on and on,

but your seconds
are up.

Use that if you're tired
of smelling like fish.

Forget it.
It's unscented.

She's got me
talking to fish.

Aha!

What are you doing trying
to get into Rose's room?

Oh, I get it now.

You're the reason why
she left me so early tonight.

I beg your pardon.

Don't -- don't act dumb
with me.

Come on. Let's go in
and let her choose between us.

Oh, no. No, no, no.
You can't go in there.

What do you --
what do you mean, I can't?

Put up your Dukes.

What's going on?

What's going on?

I -- I'll tell you
what's going on.

He is Rose's lover.

No, no.

He even has a key
to her cabin.

No, no.

Julie, that's not
what it looks like.

Oh, yes, it is.
That's the key.

No. Let me explain.

Don't bother.

And from now on,

you don't have to fall overboard
accidentally

because I'll push you.

♪♪

Oh. It's you, Adam.

I was expecting Jaime.

I know.
That's why I'm here.

I would wish that Jaime
and I got a little more privacy.

Merrill, I've been
doing some research.

I think that Jaime had --

merrill, Adam.

Good morning, passengers.

Our delicious breakfast buffet

is now being served
on the starlite deck.

Julie. Hi.

Hello, Rose.

Won't you join me?

No, thank you.

I have some business
to attend to.

You seem upset, Julie.

Is something wrong?

Well, actually, I am upset.

But it's
my personal problem,

and I'll just have
to work it out.

Well,
I'm sure you will, dear.

By the way, have you seen
Mr. Corwin this morning,

a Barry corwin?

No, I haven't.
Why do you ask?

Well, the dear boy
was supposed to bring me

my little cloisonné pillbox
that I keep my saccharine in.

Yes, I left it on the table
yesterday

while we were having coffee.

Yesterday?

Yes, it's practically
a family heirloom, you see,

and he was supposed
to drop it off last night.

I even gave him my key

so he could leave it
in my cabin.

Oh, no.
I probably scared him off.

What's that, dear?

Nothing.

You know something...

I wish Barry could meet
a nice girl like you.

That's what he needs.

The two of you
would be perfect together.

Excuse me.

I think I owe someone
a very big apology.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Hi, Jaime.

Hello.

You rest well?

Yes. Thank you.

Oh, good.
You're feeling better, huh?

Oh, much.

I'm sure it was simply
too much excitement in one day.

Great.

Is that all you've had,
black coffee?

Mm-hmm.

Jaime, you can't fluff
this off any longer.

I haven't the slightest idea
what you're talking about.

All right,
when you fainted last night,

that was just
one symptom of many

of a very complex and
potentially dangerous illness.

Adam, I think you're blowing
this whole thing

out of proportion.

Jaime, you have
the classic symptoms

of anorexia nervosa.

You could be literally
starving yourself to death.

That's ridiculous.

Oh, I checked you
after you fainted last night.

Your temperature,
blood pressure, and pulse

were dangerously low,

and you're
very underweight.

I don't have
to listen to this.

Oh, yes, you do.
Jaime, Jaime.

Your obsession with weight
and staying thin is...

It's all
part of the disease.

In fact,
your need to be thin

is what triggered
the anorexia.

Models have to be thin.

Not to the degree
you're trying to be.

Jaime,
listen to me, please.

Every year,
people die of anorexia.

Dr. Bricker,
may I remind you

that you are not
my physician?

If I want your opinion,
I'll ask for it.

In the meantime,

I suggest you
keep your opinion to yourself.

[ Sighs ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hi.

Uh, I'm sorry
about last night.

Forget it.

Look. Sometimes,
I do dumb things.

But I want you to know
that I...

Well, I really
was enjoying you last night,

more than enjoying you.
I was...

Will you stop selling?

For a minute there,

I actually thought
that you were somebody

that I could
really care about.

But last night, I realized
that you were just using me,

and I hate to be used.

Helen --

look.

I know that you're
a novelty salesman.

But for me,
the novelty has worn off.

♪♪

Buenos dias,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to the glorious
port
of mazatlán,

famous for
its sun-drenched beaches

and romantic hideaways.

Enjoy your day.

And remember,
we sail at : tonight.

If you're not back by then,
you're a permanent resident.

Oh, Barry, just the man
I'm looking for.

I'd like to apologize
for last night.

Well, you didn't give me
a chance to explain.

You see, all I wanted to do
was bring --

I know. I talked to Rose,

and she told me
everything.

Forgive me?

Well, not only
do I forgive you,

but, uh...

I want to kiss and make up

and then kiss
and make up again

and then kiss
and make up again.

Not now.
I've got some work to do.

But you can take me
to the lounge

to see Rose
perform tonight.

Well, uh, couldn't we find
something else to do?

Well, maybe later,

but we do have to go
and see Rose's show.

We don't want
to disappoint her.

I'll meet you there.

-Oh.
-Oh. [ Laughs ]

I'm sorry, merrill.
I didn't see you.

It's a clear case
of reckless jogging.

What are you doing jogging?

You're supposed to be
taking it easy.

I am today.

I'm only running miles
instead of .

Oh.

Yes, but Adam said
that you should...

You talked to Adam today?

No, last night.

But feels you should ease up,

you know, relax more,
diet less.

Merrill, you don't understand
the business.

A model can never ease up.

-Excuse me, sir.
-Yes?

Jaime, this cablegram
just came for you.

Oh, thanks, gopher.

It's from my agent.

I didn't get it.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't even make finals.

Well,
it's only one assignment.

I'm sure
there'll be others.

It wasn't only
one assignment.

It was
the assignment.

♪♪

Walter. You're all alone?
Where's Helen?

Probably hiding from me.

And I'm hiding from her
with a little help from the bar.

Ah, well, excuse me
for butting in, Walter,

but I've never seen
a romantic problem

solved by
a stiff drink or two.

You're right.

It'll probably take
a dozen or more.

Nah.

I hate intoxicated people.

The drunk light.

Runs on alcohol.

How did you do that?

Huh?

Do what? Oh, that.

Yes, well,
it's no trick.

You see,
if a person's blood

has more than / of %
of alcohol in it,

it lights up.

Hey. That's terrific.

I invented it.

Every bar should have
one of those.

It could save a lot
of accidents.

That was my thought.

Listen. Could I have one
of those for here?

Sure.

If you like, I'll send you
down a couple more.

Thanks a lot, Walter.

See ya, Walter.

Isaac, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

I think I'm beginning
to see the light.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Hi, Rose.

More flowers?

Well, I know
I'm not you're only admirer,

and I just thought
all these flowers

might tip the scales
in my favor.

Listen, radford,

I'm a little nervous about
this evening's performance.

So if you don't mind,
I'd re--

Rose, you don't have
to be nervous about tonight.

You're going to be
fabulous.

Even if you're not
that great,

I'll be there.

What I mean is,
if you go out there and sing

and they just stare at you,
I'll be there.

Even if you sing
your heart out tonight

and they boo you
off the stage,

[ chuckles ]
I'll be there.

How can you be there
if you don't get out of here?

Before I go,
one little kiss first.

[ Knock on door ]

Just a moment.

Come on. Just one kiss.

Radford,
you've got to leave.

Julie.

Hi, Rose.

Hi.

All right.

But remember,
if I'm not here,

I'll be there.

-Good evening.
-Good evening.

I hope I didn't come
at a bad time.

Oh, no. No.

Uh, you came at a great time,
Julie.

You just saved my lipstick

from being smeared
all over my face.

[ Laughs ]

He was making me late.

Well, I must hurry
and get ready.

Yes, the place
is gonna be packed.

Oh, good.

Here. Let me help you.

Now, what dress
would you like to wear, Rose?

Julie, don't.

So Barry's just a friend.

Julie ---

oh, I get it.

Barry brought
so many clothes

he just didn't have enough room
in his own closet.

It's still hard to understand,
Adam.

One minute,
Jaime was fine.

And the next,
she blew up at me.

Well, sudden outbursts
and extreme mood swings

are typical of anorexia.

Well, isn't there anything
we can do for her?

I'm afraid not.

As long as she keeps
denying the anorexia,

there's nothing
anyone can do.

There must be some way
we can convince her.

Jaime!

I need help.

What is it?

I have pain.

Ladies, and gentlemen,
we've just lifted anchor

and are setting
a course for home,

the port of Los Angeles.

Join us later tonight
in the acapulco lounge,

where we're featuring
the fabulous miss Rose York.

You're okay, Jaime,
for now.

You're a lucky girl,
Jaime.

Oh, yes.

But the stress of overdieting
and strenuous exercise

has taken its toll.

The chest pains
were a warning.

Next time...

You mean I could have
a heart att*ck?

It could happen.

I thought that,
if I were thin enough,

the thinnest,

that I'd be better,
the best,

and everybody
would love me.

But then,
I -- I couldn't stop.

I tried to stop dieting,
but I couldn't.

[ Crying ]
You must think I'm a fool.

No, no.

It's just that you
wanted something so much

you lost sight
of what you were doing.

[ Cries ]

I'm...frightened.

I don't know
if I can b*at anorexia.

It can be done.

I'm betting on you.

♪♪

♪♪

Hi, Isaac.

Hi, gopher.

Golly,
what the heck is this?

Oh, something
I found in my travels.

It's a drunk light.

Oh, I get it.

This is what a drunk uses
to find his way home.

No, gopher.
Uh, put it in your mouth.

What?

Come on.

Put it in your mouth.

Oh, come on, Isaac.
What is this, some kind of joke?

I'm serious, gopher.
Open your mouth and put it in.

Okay.

See? You're not drunk.
You're sober.

But when a person's blood
has, mm,

more than /
of % alcohol,

it lights up.

Isaac, are you making sport
of me?

No, gopher.

Watch this.

[ Clears throat ]

Excuse me, sir,

but, uh, would you put this
in your mouth?

What is this?
A light snack?

No, sir.
Would you try that?

Surely.

Ah. No, sir.

The other end.

Oh.

That's incredible.

Yeah. That guy
could light up a city.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, I could sell
a million of those.

Where did you get it?

We thought
you'd never ask.

♪♪

Julie, where's that guy,
Barry,

we've been hearing
you talk so much about?

Yeah. I thought you were gonna
bring him to the show.

We haven't even
met him yet.

Well, you're a lot luckier
than I am.

Excuse me. I've got to get
this show on the road.

[ Drumroll ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Princess
is proud to present

the belle of San Francisco,

that chanteuse fatale,

Ms. Rose York.

[ Applause ]

♪♪

♪ all of me ♪

♪ why not take all of me ♪

♪ can't you see ♪

♪ I'm no good without you ♪

♪ take my lips ♪

♪ I want to lose them ♪

♪ take these arms ♪

♪ I'll never use them ♪

♪ your goodbye ♪

♪ left me with eyes that cry ♪

♪ why can't I ♪

♪ get along without you? ♪

♪ You took the part ♪

♪ that once was my heart ♪

♪ so why not take all of me ♪

Jean stapleton.

[ As Jean stapleton ]
♪ all of me ♪

♪ why not take all of me,
Archie ♪

♪ can't you see ♪

♪ I'm just a mess without you ♪

[ Normal voice ]
Carol Channing.

[ As Carol Channing ]
♪ you took the part ♪

♪ that once was my heart ♪

[ Normal voice ]
This is me.

♪ So why not ♪

♪ why not ♪

Barry.

♪ Why not take all of me? ♪

[ Applause ]

♪♪

Hi.

Oh. Hello.

Would you put this
in your mouth, please?

What?

Isaac and gopher
gave me this bulb

because it lights up
when you're drunk.

And I want to make sure
that you're sober

when you hear
what I have to say.

Forget it.

Walter, this bulb
is extremely commercial.

As soon as we get back,
I'll have a contract drawn.

It should make you
a lot of money.

I am not interested.

If you want it,
I'll give it to you.

But I will
never, ever again

try to sell you anything,
ever.

Okay.

Besides,
it's already accomplished

what I wanted it to.

It gave me a good excuse
to come and find you.

You know, Walter,

i have been working on
a little novelty of my own,

and I was wondering

if you would give me
your professional opinion on it.

Sure. What is it?

A new kind of kiss.

A new kind of what?

Here. Try it.

Well?

I'm not sure.

[ Chuckles ]

Why don't we start off
with an order of, uh,

say, ,?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I forgot.

You're on vacation.

Walter,
business before pleasure.

♪♪

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

we hope you've enjoyed
your cruise.

Please have your passports
ready when debarking.

And again,
thanks for sailing with us.

♪♪

Barry, you were one
of the best acts

we've ever had
in the lounge.

You sure fooled me.

Well, there's no business
like show business.

Do you think you could do
a return engagement?

Well, you have to remember,
Julie,

I mean,
I'm not the real Rose.

Well, I meant a return
engagement with me.

I thought maybe we could go
together to hear the real Rose.

You bet.

Ah.

I hope this doesn't mean

we won't ever see
each other again.

I'll write.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, Jaime.
Uh, Dr. Alan holsted's number.

He specializes in anorexia

and has a very impressive
rate of success.

You'll be in good hands.

Thank you, Adam.

I called my agent
this morning.

Want to hear
a little irony?

I lost the job
because I was too thin.

I'm gonna put a hold
on my career

until I've got this --

till I have my illness
under control.

I think
that's a wise decision.

I'm gonna miss you both.

I'm sorry
I messed everything up.

Oh, please.
You didn't.

Tell me something
just to satisfy my curiosity.

In the race
for Jaime Sloane's affection,

who was ahead --
merrill or me?

It was a dead heat.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

-Well, Isaac...
-Ah, Walter.

...gopher, thank you
for a very inventive cruise.

You're welcome.

What's that,
one of your novelty items?

Oh, no.
This is my cigar.

-Smells like perfume.
-That's right.

It's for women
who like to smoke cigars

but hate the smell.

Should sell
for about...

$.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

♪♪