08x04 - Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can't Read/Call Me a Doctor

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Love Boat". Aired: September 24, 1977 – May 24, 1986.*
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Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
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08x04 - Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can't Read/Call Me a Doctor

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music playing]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Chatter]

Enjoy the cruise.

Right that way.

Isaac, will you relax?

You're wearing a
hole in the carpet.

Mm, she must be one of
your very special ladies.

Well, not exactly, ace.

She's a widow, and her husband
was one of my closest friends.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's ok.

Lydia, Timmy!

Uncle Isaac!

Hey, how you doing, Tim, huh?

Hey.

All right.

How are you?
- Oh, fine.

Good.

Lydia, Timmy, this
is captain stubing.

Hi.
Nice to meet you.

Hello.
Hiya, Timmy.

How do you do, sir?

I was helped my dad when we
rented a boat, so if you need

any help rowing, let me know.

Ok.

[Chuckles] And this is our
ship's photographer, ace.

Hi, Timmy.

Did you pronounce your
name after the card?

Actually, my initials are
a-c-e, Ashley Covington Evans.

Stick with ace.

[Laughter]

Ok, captain,
move in just a bit.

All right, here we go.

Flash those pearlies.

[Click]

Great, thanks.

Dad would have loved to
been here, wouldn't he?

Yeah, Neil's death is
still quite new to us.

But Timmy's been a tower of
strength to me through it all.

[Chuckles] I'm sure the cruise
will be good for both of you.

Yeah.

Dad wanted us to
see Isaac's ship.

[Laughs]

Sorry, sir.

Oh, that's ok.

It's Isaac's ship too.

Isaac, why don't you show
them to their cabins?

Oh, good idea.

Right on.

Let's see what-- um, oh let
me help you with these bags.

I've got them.

Are you sure?

They look kind of heavy.

Maybe for you.

Not for me.

All right.

You, uh, the room clerks?

We can give you your
cabin assignments, yes, sir.

Jake diamond, [inaudible]
New Jersey, north side.

And you, sir?

With him.

Of course.

Mr. Diamond, Mr. With him.

Uh, Mr. Diamond--
that's promenade

deck cabins and .

I notice you have a third
person in your party, Ms. Honey

Malloy.

Yeah.

She's around here
someplace. (Yells) Honey!

(Yells) What?

What are you doing?

[Thuds]

I'm dropping stuff.

Come on, will ya?

Quit dawdling.

Can I help you?

Ha, not unless
you're a chiropractor.

[Laughs]

Anyway, it's sweet
of you to offer,

but I'm used to carrying things.

My boyfriend, he doesn't like
anybody to help me but him.

Oh.

And he never helps me.

Honey!

Honey: I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Anyway, well thanks
very ever so much.

See you.

I plan on it.

All right, you can
wait here at the rail,

Ms. Constant, while I
check on your cabin number.

Thank you, Dr. Bricker.

You're welcome.

[Sighs] Washburn?

Is there a Mr. Washburn
here somewhere?

I'm a washburn.

I'd recognize that
tobacco anywhere.

Really?

Um, this is my own blend.

I--

I know, and I haven't
smelled it in years.

Millie constant.

You never knew me, but
I was your admirer.

My admirer?

Yeah.

I thought I knew all three.

You must be part
of the lost tribe.

Well, I can't
believe we're all lost.

Syracuse university.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

I had such a crush on you.

I could always tell you
were in the vicinity

by your pipe tobacco.

I used to follow you
around like a puppy.

I could see then.

And I never asked you
out, I mean, for coffee?

I never gave you a chance.

I don't think I ever came
within feet of you.

No, I don't believe that
we were on the same campus

and that I didn't notice you.

Well, I was, um, I
was awfully shy then.

But you can invite
me for coffee now.

It'd be my pleasure, Millie.

Maybe we can make
up for lost time.

I'd like that.

Uh, about an hour at the pool?

I'll be there.

Well, all set, Ms. Constant?

Whenever you are, Dr. Bricker.

Bye, Sam.

[Horn blowing]

[Theme music]

[Splash]

Honey: And they've
got shuffle board.

And they've got a gift shop.

And then later on,
there's a movie.

Gin.

So how about it, Jake,
what do you feel like doing?

I feel like winning
a hand for a change.

Will you pipe down?

Is that all you're gonna
do is play cards all day?

Come on, jakey,
there's a million

things to do on this ship.

Why don't you go do a
couple of hundred of them

and get off my back?

Hello.

Remember me?

Oh, sure.

You're the nice man that stopped
to help me when I got on.

I don't think we've
been introduced.

I'm miles metcalfe.

Honey Malloy, Jake
diamond, Joey the weasel.

Mr. Diamond.

Yeah, good to see.

Mr. Deweisel.

No, no, not
"deweisel," "the weasel,"

as in mack the Kn*fe, Jack
the ripper, Joey the weasel.

You get it?

Yeah.

If you're through
with the diction lesson,

I'd like to play
some cards here, huh?

Gee, I think i'm
intruding here.

Forgive me.

Hold on just a minute.

Listen, pal, what are
you gonna do right now?

Ah, nothing special.

I thought I'd just take
a stroll around the ship.

Yeah?

How'd you like to
take her with you?

- Jake!
- What?

What?
You want a stroll.

He wants a stroll.

I want some peace and quiet.

Everybody turns out a winner.

What do you say, huh?

To tell you the
truth, I'd be honored.

Well, like the
man said, why not?

Let's go walking.

Mm, nice tobacco.

Well, thank you.

It's getting a lot
of attention today.

Oh?

The right kind of attention?

The best.

Good.

Millie.

You're early.

I'm flattered.

Well, I treat all my
admirers with great respect,

humility, and gratitude.

Sit down.

Thanks.

You are beautiful.

You should see you.

Oh, it's been-- it's been
years since I've seen me.

It happened slowly.

It wasn't a shock--

expected and planned for as much
as you can plan for something

like.

How do you?

You look at everything,
memorize every detail,

try to hold onto it.

I used to, um, I used
to practice being blind.

I closed my eyes and try to
see things I had seen that day.

Are you forgetting things?

Funny questions.

All the pictures in my
head are from so long ago.

I nurture their memories.

But I find that I have
to be positive about it.

If I'm afraid I'll forget
something, then I do forget it.

I remember college, though--

the campus, my friends,
and Sam washburn,

who I never even had
the nerve to talk to.

And he regrets
that you didn't.

I use to fantasize about you--

I did-- dream about you.

I've never forgotten you over
all these years, but been here

you are.

Millie, you and I are going to
have a wonderful time together.

I already am.

Ooh, who's winning?

I am, but she lets me win.

No, I don't.

You don't?

No.

Then, you sure are
a terrible player.

[Laughs] Oh, here you go.

A pink lady for the lady.

Thank you.

And for the champ, a Mr. T
milkshake that is extra strong,

so be careful.

Don't just stand
there, sucker.

Give it here.

[Chuckling]

Here you go.

Mm, mm.

This is wonderful, Isaac.

Ah, thank you.

Listen, Timmy,
would you like to go

on the special Isaac Washington
vip tour of the ship?

Let's stop talking,
and let's start walking.

All right.

But--

but nothing.

I'll be fine.

You and Isaac run along.

You sure.

That's an order.

Dad always said
she was the boss.

[Chuckles] Amazing,
the perfect kid.

Yeah.

Perfect like you?

Like me?

We both have mustaches.

[Inaudible] We'll
see you later on.

Ok, have a good time.

I just don't
think I've ever met

somebody named honey before.

Yeah?

A lot of people think I
changed it to go on the stage

or something, but it's right
here on my birth certificate,

so I guess that proves it.

You know, it suits you--

a sweet and unusual name for
a sweet and unusual woman.

Aw, mister, I like
the way you talk.

You know, I think i'd
much rather hear you talk.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Oh, that's a switch.

Jake always says
I talk too much.

Oh yeah, tell me about him.

Um, I hate to pry,
but he wouldn't

be some kind of underworld
for you, would he?

Who, Jake?

Yeah.

No, don't be silly.

He's a bookie.

Ahh.

I wonder if he knows what
a good bet he has in you.

[Giggles] That's cute.

I get it.

Yeah.

Listen, uh, I don't
suppose you could

have dinner with me tonight.

Oh, gee, I don't see how.

I mean, not that I wouldn't
like to, but I am with Jake,

you know.

And I don't think
that would be right.

Yeah, I don't
suppose it would.

No.

I understand.

I knew you would.

You're a perfect gentleman.

[Chuckles] As far as I can
see, that's your only fault.

[Chuckles]

Still like poetry?

I like poetry I suppose.

You liked poetry in college.

You took th century
American poetry.

I had forces behind American
literature in the same room

right after you.

You smoked in class.

You've got quite a memory.

Would you mind if
I touched your face?

No, if you'd like.

You're not wearing
your glasses.

No.

No, I don't mean them anymore.

Made you look distinguished.

You have nice skin, a nice face.

I never thought so
until you touched me.

Vicki (on speaker):
Attention, please.

Main seating dinner
is now being served

in the coral dining room.

[Clinking, chatter]

[Laughter]

Isaac told me he showed
you all around the ship

today, Timmy.

What'd you think?

I think it's the best
ship I've ever been on.

It's the only ship
that you've ever been on.

Nobody likes a squealer.

[Laughter]

So Timmy, what
impressed you the most?

The bridge.

I bet my dad would
have liked it too.

Yeah, Neil always
wanted to be at the helm.

Later on, I'll show you
the really important stuff.

I'll show you what
a purser does.

Yeah, and I'll
show you the costumes

and things we use in the shows.

And if you want, you
can help me take pictures

of some of the passengers.

Great!

Flash those pearlies.

[Laughter]

Timmy, do you think you'd like
to work on a ship like this?

No, sir.

I mean, I'd like it,
especially the uniforms,

but I'm going to be a business
executive just like my dad.

I bet you'll make a great one.

I'll try.

I wish my dad was
here to see all this.

Isaac: Well, you
know, in a way, he is.

What do you mean?

Well, when you
love someone, Timmy,

you carry them with you inside.

So even though
you can't see him,

your dad is always with you.

Yeah.

But if he was really
here, he would have gotten

me a telephone book to sit on.

[Laughter]

Oh, gee doesn't this menu
just make your mouth water?

Look at this horse.

Paid -to- on [inaudible]

They even got your favorite
dish, fried elephant ears.

That's great, sweetie.

Now, why don't
you order me some?

We lost a bundle on that
photo finish at belmont.

Joey the weasel: Yeah,
the favorite must have

stopped to pose for the camera.

Hello there.

Oh, hi.

Jake, look who's here.

Who?

Yeah, how you doing?

Fine.

Jake, he shouldn't
have to eat alone.

Why not?

Does he eat better in a crowd?

Who is he?

What's the matter with you?

He's the guy I met this morning,
the one you roped into showing

me around the ship.

Yeah, that's him?

Weasel, ask the sport
if he'd like to join us.

Hey you, over here.

That's no way to
invite somebody.

Why not?

He's coming, ain't it?

Hi.

Hi.

Jake thought maybe you
might like to joining us.

I'd be delighted.

You know, this is really
thoughtful of you, Mr. Diamond.

Right.

I've really got to
apologize for these two.

Oh, don't apologize.

This is what I had in mind--

dinner for two.

[Clink]

Goodnight, champ.

Happy dreams.

Goodnight, uncle Isaac.

See you tomorrow.

Oh, didn't you forget
something, young man?

Uh-oh.

God, sir, thank you
for keeping my mom

and me safe and healthy.

And god, I'm not sure if
you met my dad, Neil Thomas,

he's new up there.

I don't know if he
saw the game or you

get the newspapers up there, but
Philadelphia b*at Pittsburgh.

Dad's a real Philadelphia
fan, so if you

see him, please tell him.

And god, please tell
dad that I miss him

all the time, especially
when I have to use

the ladies room with mom.

Sorry for taking up
so much of your time.

Thank you, god,
and get some sleep.

Ok.

You going to be
all right, champ?

Sure.

Well, I'll see
you in the morning.

Uncle Isaac?

Mhm?

Is it true what
you told me earlier,

that dad is still inside me?

That's what I believe.

Then, could you leave the door
open a little for the light?

Dad's kind of
afraid of the dark.

[Giggling]

Sure thing.

Goodnight, baby.

[Kiss]

Isaac, it's so
hard without Neil.

We miss him so much.

I know.

We all do.

Lydia: He was so
vibrant and so alive we

didn't even know he was ill.

He had so much to live for.

I still don't understand.

Why him?

Why now?

It seems like only
the good die young.

Goodnight, Lydia.

Goodnight, Isaac.

[Music playing, chatter]

Jake, I want to dance.

So go on, dance.

Come on.

Dance with me.

Boss, it's almost time.

Time for what?

You got a train to catch?

Uh, no.

Me and the weasel got some
business to take care of.

Business?

We're in the middle of
the ocean for Pete's sake.

What are you booking
bets on, Halibut races?

It's a poker game.

Couple of guys are going
to have a game in the room.

They're very high-class
pigeons, very loaded,

very ripe for the plucking.

And what am I
supposed to do while you

two are out plucking pigeons?

Aw, come on, honey,
don't bust my chops.

I'm supposed to be on vacation.

[Inaudible] Don't like that.

I'm sure you'll find
something to do.

You know, Jake, for once,
I think you might be right.

Pardon me, miss,
but may I have

the pleasure of this dance?

Charmed, I'm sure.

Ah.

You've got to hand
it to her, weasel.

She's sure meeting a lot
of people on this ship.

[Music playing]

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the third time
I've stepped on your foot.

Third time this song.

I remember when you
and Janet qualen

won first prize at the
stocking foot dance.

You were there?

Mm.

I served the punch.

Well, Janet was good.

Yeah.

But you're the best.

[Laughter]

And then there was the
lady who was convinced I was

her husband in a previous life.

Doc, with your track record,
that is entirely possible.

[Laughter]

Isaac.

Isaac, have you seen Timmy?
- No.

Isn't he in his bed?
- No.

Before turning in, I
went to check on him,

and his bed is empty.

I can't find him anywhere.

I want you to search this
ship from stem to stern.

All right.

[Inaudible]

Yeah.

Don't worry.

We'll find him.

Ok.

[Humming] [Giggles] Oh.

Oh, well, cinderella had a
wonderful time at the ball.

Oh, good.

So what do we do
now, prince charming?

Prince charming thinks
it's time for bed.

Oh good.

Then we don't have to waste
any time on that dumb glass

slipper routine.

Honey, what are you doing?

Honey, come on.
You're looped.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on, let's do something
we'll be sorry for.

I don't want to be
sorry for anything.

Oh, come on.

So I want you to just
wait and really think

about what you're doing, ok?

No wonder they
made you a prince.

[Kiss]

Isaac, what am I going to do?

There's still no sign of him.

Don't worry, Lydia.

He'll turn up, I'm sure.

What if he climbed
up a rail and--

Lydia, he didn't.

Isaac, if anything happens to
him, I'll never forgive myself.

Timmy.

Oh, Timmy, thank
god you're all right.

Found him in the galley.

He was throwing silverware
all over the place

and pulling out every pot
and pan he could reach.

It's all right, champ.

We'll take you
back to your cabin.

No, don't touch me.

No, no, honey.

Everything is going to be ok.

No, it isn't.

Nothing's gonna be ok.

Nothing.

Are the stars out tonight?

Trillions of them.

Mm, I wish I could see them.

You know, there's a
whole beautiful ocean

out there and a sky
full of stars that moon

poets would write about.

All I can see is you.

[Sighs] Are you all right?

Um, yes.

Well, did I do
something wrong?

You're not Sam washburn.

[Sighs] No.

I'm uh--

would you please go?

How will you--

I'll be fine.

I-- I just--

I just want to stay here
alone for a little while.

Millie, I, uh, I'm sorry.

So am I.

Vicki (on speaker):
Attention, passengers.

Our delicious breakfast
buffet is now being

served on the starlight deck.

Well, what looks good to you?

The girl in the yellow shorts.

Is that all you ever think of?

No.

Sometimes I think
of pink shorts.

Hey, sweetheart, you
should try some of this lox.

I know it's fresh.

I saw the chef with a fishing
pole hanging over the side

with a bagel tied to it.

No thanks.

I really couldn't eat a thing.

You feeling all right?

I'm fine.

I'm just not hungry.

Aw, come on now.

You're still not angry because
we played poker last night,

are you, huh?

Because if you are,
I'm going to remedy

that situation right away here.

Look.

Feast your eyes on the proceeds
of an evening well spent.

And just because you've been
such a good sport, here.

I want you to go by
yourself something nice.

No thanks, Jake.

I really don't need a thing.

Excuse me.

Where you going?

I thought i'd
get some breakfast.

I'm starved.

She turned down money.

She actually turned down money.

Maybe the ocean
motion's making her dizzy.

Yeah.

Maybe I should take her
on a cruise more often.

[Chuckles]

Am I, uh, welcome?

Suit yourself.

How long have you
known I'm not Sam?

A while.

And, uh, what was
it that gave me away?

Little things--
maybe the poetry.

Intuition mostly, I think--

the glasses and
then Janet qualen.

What about her?

You never won a
dance contest with her.

You never dated her.

How do you know I
never dated Janet qualen?

Because Janet
qualen is my niece.

She's six years old.

I'm not angry with you, Timmy.

I'm just trying to understand
why you ran away last night.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Good morning.

What's so good about it?

Mind your manners.

Timmy, look at these
pictures ace took.

They turned out really great.

Look at this.

See?

Big deal.

Who cares?

I do.

I don't.

I'm sorry, Isaac.

I just can't get through to him.

I'm at a total loss.

I guess Neil's deal
finally caught up to him.

Oh, my poor baby.

Captain stubing (on
speaker): Buenos dias,

senores y senoras y senoritas.

Welcome to the highlight
of the Mexican riviera

where we are about to
drop anchor in the south

of the border port of acapulco.

While you're here,
thrill to the spectacle

of perilous cliff-diving
or take a siesta

as you bronze yourself
on one of the world's

most beautiful beaches.

Or stop into any
exclusive shop and spend

every cent your husband has.

Hasta luego.

[Theme music]

You know, there's
something about you

that really fascinates me.

Oh, really, what?

Your boyfriend, Jake.

Gee, thanks, you really
know how to flatter a girl.

Oh, no offense.

It's just that I've never
met a real bookie before.

I mean, how does he operate,
out of the back of a candy

store, something like that?

No, that's just in the movies.

He has an office in
a high-rise building

just like any other business.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

Of course, the sign
on the door doesn't

say "Jake diamond, bookie."

Oh, don't suppose it would.

[Chuckles] What
exactly does it say?

Mid-state investments.

Ooh, mid-state investments.

Yeah.
Classy, isn't it?

Yeah, I'll have
to remember that.

Yeah.

You really never
met a bookie before?

No, I don't gamble.

[Gasps] He doesn't gamble.

Mm.
I would gamble on one thing.

What?

Taking you into acapulco.

Hey, are you married?

- No, of course not.
- Engaged?

- No.
- You're going with someone.

- Mm-mm.
- A girlfriend?

- No.
- A boyfriend?

No.

No, nobody.

Why?

There's got to be
something wrong with you.

You're too good to be true.

Acapulco, huh?

I guess a few hours
wouldn't [inaudible]..

Millie.

You're not hard to find.

Your tobacco gives you away.

You wanted to find me?

Yes.

Well, I thought
we'd said goodbye.

That was then.

This is now.

Thanks.

A lot of memories
going up in that smoke.

I am sorry.

Oh, it was a happy deception.

For a while, I was back
when I was a young girl,

and everything was bright
and full of colors.

And anything was possible.

And I perverted your memories.

No.

No, you entered my fantasy.

I always dreamed that
I'd meet Sam washburn,

and he'd sweep me off my
feet and make love to me.

I don't want to
let it go just yet.

You've been a very
successful Sam washburn.

Millie, i--

would you be Sam washburn for
me for the rest of the trip?

Please.

[Papers rustling]

Timmy.

Timmy.

Hold it, Timmy.

Timmy, now hold it.
Hold it.

Hold it.

Wait a second.

Now, if I thought
it'd do any good,

I'd give you a whole
carton of these.

You want to talk?

[Papers rustling]

Ok, ok, then I'll talk.

When someone loses a
person close to them,

it brings out a lot
of feelings, feelings

besides being hurt and sad.

Who cares what you say?

Timmy, sometimes
those feelings

can be very confusing,
especially to a young person

who might not understand.

[Elevator dings]

I don't listen to
any of that junk.

Isaac: Yeah, well, you're
going to have to listen to it.

Now, it's not unusual for a
person to be angry, really

angry at a person who d*ed.

I can be angry if I want to.

And who said I was
angry at my dad?

And what do you know?

Timmy, I really think that's
what you're going through.

I really think you're angry
at your dad for leaving you.

Timmy: You don't know anything.

Timmy, your dad
loved you very much.

I know it's hard
for you, but he'd

want you to try and understand.

He was a good man.

Yeah, and look
what it got him.

[Clanging]

I'm sorry, sir.

Isaac, what you're trying
to do is very commendable,

but I think Timmy should have
special professional help.

Boss, uh, I might be
out of line on this,

but I think you ought to be
paying more attention to honey.

Now, what makes
you think butting

into my personal
affairs is out of line?

All right, all right.

But just think about
it for a minute.

She's been acting
funny, ain't she?

And did you notice
that she hasn't

been nagging and complaining and
bugging you every five minutes?

So what?

Anybody can have an off day.

And I'll tell you
something else, Jake.

She's been spending
an awful lot of time

with that miles guy-- you
know, the one with the glasses

and the manners there.

What are you getting at?

I think she's
falling for the punk.

Are you nuts?

The guy is nothing,
a definite jerk.

He's a jerk who pays
attention to her, Jake.

You've been taking her
for granted [inaudible]..

Come on.

She turned down money.

I know.

I've got to k*ll the guy.

He's not your problem, Jake.

Honey is.

I know.

I know.

I don't want to
lose the girl, Joey.

She's an ace high pain in the
neck, but I love the girl.

[Boat idling]

Oh, Sam, that was the happiest
day I could ever remember.

For me too, except
for one thing.

I'm not happy this way, as Sam.

I'm in love with you.

You don't have to say that.

I mean it.

I don't want pity
disguised as love.

I'm not that sort.

I'm telling you the truth.

I don't want to
hear the truth.

I live with the truth
every day of my life.

This is a fairytale
voyage for me, a fantasy.

So please don't
tell me the truth.

All right.

All right.

Vicki (on speaker): We
hope your day in acapulco

was one to remember.

Our next and final
destination is San Pedro

in the port of Los Angeles.

Enjoy your trip home.

Well, you sure bring
out the gab in me?

Ever since acapulco,
all I've been doing

is talking, talking talking.

Well, you sure know a
lot about Jake's business.

Oh, yeah, sure.

He tells me everything.

Uh, have you ever thought
about going to the authorities

with what you know?

Why would I want to do that?

Say, what are you so interested
in Jake's business for anyway?

Well, honey, I am going to
be perfectly honest with you.

Oh no, should I get nervous?

The fact is I'm becoming
very serious about you.

I was thinking about asking
you to go away with me.

But I know what kind
of a man Jake is,

and I was afraid there
might be trouble.

So I thought if you
testified against him,

and they put him away,
and he couldn't hurt you--

oh, Jake would never hurt me.

But you know, just
you worrying about it

shows me what's in your heart.

Oh, and what a heart it is.

Yeah.

Say, what do you got there?

Ah, it's nothing.

What is that?

What is this?
- Hey, wait.

Give me that.

Hey, what's going on here?

What are you doing?

Are you taping this?

[Sighs]

You're a cop?

Oh.

[Splash]

[Footsteps running]

I love you, Sam.

This has got to stop.

Not yet.

It's k*lling me.

I can't keep this up any longer.

This is our last night,
the last night of a dream.

Don't wake me up before the
dream is over, please, Sam.

Millie, I'm sorry.

Sometimes dreams have to end.

[Knocking]

Ta-da.

Isaac, what a nice surprise.

Timmy, look what Isaac brought.

Hey.

Doesn't it look delicious?

Yes, well.

Ok, so much for the ice cream.

I don't have to be back
on duty for an hour.

How about a stroll
around on the deck?

Hey, that sounds great to me.

Not me.

Well, maybe I
shouldn't go, Isaac.

Look, Lydia, I know
he's having a tough time,

but you can't keep giving
into his bad behavior.

Timmy, you're going to
have to start learning

how to deal with the situation.

Maybe a little ice
cream won't hurt.

All right.

Look, champ, we'll
be right back, ok?

Yeah, we'll make it
a short stroll, baby.

And remember, don't
talk to strangers.

Yes, sir.

Where is she?

I mean, where is she?

She'll be here.

Relax, will you?

Relax.

How can I relax?

I don't even know
what I'm going to say.

I never proposed
to anybody before.

Just tell her how
you feel, Jake, you

know, like, she's the only
girl you'll ever love,

or this comes only once in a
lifetime, things like that.

Just be sincere.

How do you know
so much about it?

Have you ever
proposed to anybody?

Sure, hundreds of times.

Yeah?

Ok, all right.

I'll try the sincere bit.

How's this?

Hey, kitty, what do you
say we tie the knot?

Well, that's
sincere enough, Jake.

But I think there's room for
a touch more romance in there

somewhere.

I got it.

Try getting down on one knee.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Joey the weasel: I don't know.

It feels kind of stupid without
a pair of dice in my hands.

Oh, no, you're
looking good, Jake.

You're looking good.

You're gonna knock
her off her feet.

[Thuds]

If I leave to be ,, I will
never trust another man again.

In fact, I'm going to do my best
to never see another man again.

I'm going to join a convent.

Who needs men anyway, huh?

Not me, brother.

I'm through.

I'm through with all men
everywhere for all time

and forever.

And that includes you
and you and the rest

of your entire species.

So how about it, you
want to get married?

What?

Oh, I get it.

You found out I spilled
the beans to the feds.

So now you want to marry me,
so I can't testify against you.

What?

What testify?
What feds?

What beans?

What are you talking about?

That nice guy, miles
metcalfe, the one

you set me up with so
I wouldn't bother you,

well he's a federal agent.

And you told him about me?

You'll probably
get about years.

[Door slams]

Which is the same stretch
I served with you.

Joey the weasel:
Boss, we got trouble.

The feds.

Ah, them I can handle.

Just lost my girl.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

George washburn:
It's me, Millie.

Open the door.

Why did you come?

I had to.

There's something that
you've got to know.

Sam washburn is dead.

Stop it.

Now, just hear me out.

I don't want to hear this.

He was k*lled in Vietnam.

Oh no.

I'm his brother, George.

His brother?

You're his brother.

We-- we looked alike, but
we weren't really like.

Everything came easily to Sam--

dancing, the girls.

The girls he dated
stayed in love with him--

even some he never dated.

I know.

I used to want to
be just like him.

I even went to the same college.

I always imitated him--

his clothes, his walk.

And his tobacco.

Yes.

And when you first called
me Sam, it took me right back.

It was, for a while, the way
it was when he was alive.

Millie, I loved my brother.

And for a while, I loved
taking his place again.

But I've fallen in love,
and suddenly it isn't

any fun being my dead brother.

Oh, hold me.

Oh, George.

Honey.

Oh, what do you want?

What do I want?

Yeah.

What I want to
figure out a way

to convince you that I meant it
when I asked you to marry me.

It wasn't because you
talked to the feds.

I didn't know
anything about that.

I was just afraid of losing you.

I guess there's no way
you're going to buy that now.

I don't know, Jake.

Maybe there is a way.

Tell me.

Whatever it is, I'll do it.

Well, you know, in all the
years we've been together,

you never once told
me you loved me.

You know I do.

But you never said it.

All you have to do is say it.

Honey, come on, please.

I mean, you know I have
trouble saying those words.

Couldn't I write it down, huh?

Say it, Jake.

If you want me
back, say the words.

All right.

Uh, I l--

[growls] All right,
I can do this.

I-- [mumbles]

He loves you.

What he said!

Close enough!

All right!

Thank you for the walk, Isaac.

That air felt good.

- Uh-huh.
- Let me just check on Timmy.

Ok, give him a kiss for me.

Ok.

He's gone again!

What?

Now, don't worry.

We found him once.

We can find him again.

[Knocking]

Oh, Timmy!

Ms. Thomas, one of my
stewards found your son

taking some things that
didn't belong to him.

Why, Timmy?

Timmy, I'm giving
you one last chance.

I don't understand it.

Up until now, you've
been such a good boy.

I'm not good.

I'm never good.

I'm bad.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, taking a few things
doesn't make you bad, Timmy.

But it could mean that
something is troubling you.

No, it isn't.

I'm bad.

I've got to be bad.

Why do you want to be bad?

Last night I heard
you and mom talking.

You said only the
good die young.

And I don't want to be good.

I don't want to die young.

Oh, Timmy.

That's only a saying, Timmy.

That's not true.

It's not?

No, it's not.

Honest.

Have you ever heard anyone
say that a cat has nine lives?

Sure.

But everyone knows they don't.

When I was your age,
I didn't know that.

You believed it?

Not only did I believe it,
but I followed our cat around

for weeks trying
to figure out where

he lived his other eight lives.

No wonder I like you
so much, uncle Isaac.

Mm?

You were a silly
kid just like me.

Well, well, well, I
understand congratulations

are in order for you and Jake?

Yeah.

Ain't it a kick after
years of waiting?

Well, better late than never.

Excuse me.

I don't think so.

- Oh, weasel.
- Yeah?

Tell your friend Jake he'll
be hearing from me next week.

How do you like that?

He wants to lay down a bet.

Yeah, on an indictment.

Fat chance.

[Chuckles]

Somebody want to
give me a hand here?

Quit dawdling, Jake, huh?

We'll be late for the honeymoon.

[Laughs]

That-- that--
that ain't funny.

The wedding's off.

Weasel, you're fired.

Well, it looks as though this
has turned out to be a pretty

successful reunion for you two.

Oh, I'm not sure you could
really call it a reunion--

maybe just a union.

I'm going to try to
make her very happy.

Oh, you've made
me happy enough

these past couple of days to
last me the rest of my life.

Aw, we hope you come
sailing with us again soon.

- We will.
- We will.

Thank you.

Bye.

Thanks for sailing with us.

What are you smoking?

It's a new tobacco.

I like it.

It's you.

[Elevator dings]

Captain stubing: I'm glad
you enjoyed the cruise.

Come see us again.
- Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Timmy, I've had ace
develop another set

of pictures for you.

Right.

I thought you might
like to have these.

Thank you, sir.

Ace: You're welcome.

Oh, and thank you,
Isaac, for everything.

Well, I'm just
glad Timmy knows

what it is to be good again.

[Laughter]

Me too.

Being bad is hard work.

I was running out of ideas.

[Laughter]

[Theme music]
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