08x05 - Only the Good Die Young/Honey Beats the Odds/The Light of Another Day

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪♪

She didn't check in
with me.

And she obviously
hasn't checked in with gopher.

He's already worn inches
down on the deck.

Any sign of her, goph?

Uh, no.

But, well, maybe she just
canceled out at the last minute.

You know, it happens.

Who is this Leslie Palmer,
anyway?

She sounds special.

Well, she was, um,
the first real love of my life.

That's all.

I even asked her
to marry me.

That's special.

Yeah.

She turned me down,
though.

You know, it's funny.
That happened a long time ago.

Still has an effect on me.

You must have gotten over it
by now, though.

Well, yeah, but, I mean,
when you propose to a woman

and she rejects you,
how do you act?

Hmm?

Act naturally.

Naturally.

Yeah.
Just be pleasant, friendly.

Pleasant
and friendly and calm.

Burl!

Leslie, how are you?
It's nice to see...

Oh!

I don't know how many more
of these rejections he can take.

Ooh, what a hunk.

Hey, good lookin'.

What are you doing?

I'm doing it for you, Melanie.
He's gorgeous.

Okay.
He was gorgeous.

But I do my own picking
and choosing.

I know --
world's worst taste in men.

I hear ace
is off collecting an award

he got for shipboard
photography.

Yes.

And he won with a picture
he took of me.

Oh, I didn't know ace
was into trick photography.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Judy McCoy,
your cruise director.

Oh, no.

Don't think you can hide
behind those dark glasses.

Hmm?

Doc, this man
poisoned Tom rankin.

He impregnated
Charlotte duvall.

And he's having a torrid love
affair with his sister-in-law.

Guilty as charged.

Is this game open
to everyone?

Dr. Adam bricker,
this is David swick.

He's Bradley caine
on "web of evil."

Well, hi.

Hi.

The sleaziest villain
in all of soap operas.

It's an honor
to have you aboard...

Thank you.

...i think.

I assume you're on the lam?

Fictionally, yes.

Factually, I have
a little time off,

so I thought I'd relax
and, uh...

Study some lines.

It's nice to see you again.
Enjoy the cruise.

Hello, merrill, Vicki.

Hi, Mrs. Chapman!

Blair!
Don't tell me.

You finally took our advice
and booked yourself a cruise?

Well, you've been
very persuasive, merrill.

You're one of the nicest
neighbors anybody ever had.

Because you two
are never home to borrow from.

You mean you took this cruise
just to borrow a cup of sugar?

[ Laughs ]

Now, that's what I call
a good-looking lady.

But that's not
what you're here for.

What am I here for?

I mean, I didn't make
reservations for a cruise.

Look in your pocket.

It's all been arranged.

Excuse me, weatherby.

Hi.
I'm Jack Davidson.

Can I give you a hand
with that?

Oh, I think I can manage.

But thanks for asking.

Don't mention it.

So, was that it?

I'm afraid offering to help
someone with their luggage

is hardly enough.

What does a guy have to do?

You're not going
for a boy scout merit badge.

You're trying
to get into heaven.

I know. But, remember,
I haven't been dead very long.

[ Air horn blows ]

♪♪

Excuse me a minute.

It's nice.

You interested in horses?

Oh, it's my second choice.

Since you're looking
at horse pictures,

how about looking at a picture
of a real horse?

[ Gasps ] He's yours?

Mm-hmm.

You're a horse freak, too?

Of the first order.

He's beautiful.

Thank you.

David swick.

Melanie Tate.

I teach riding back home.

Well, lucky you.

[ Chuckles ] Sit down.

It's not a horse,
but jump in the saddle.

Thank you.

Hello.

Melanie, no!

Who's that?

My mother.

Oh, no.
No, no.

You get away from my daughter,
Bradley caine.

What's the matter
with you, mother?

This is David swick.

David swick, my foot.
He's Bradley caine --

a m*rder*r,
a thief, and an adulterer.

Mrs. Tate,
i am David swick.

Bradley caine
is just a character

I play on a soap opera.

Oh, my lord.
Mother!

Well, I knew that.

I was just joking.

See you in the cabin,
Melanie.

So nice to have met you,
Mr. Caine.

Swick!

I'm sorry.
I really am.

That's all right.
That happens all the time.

I'm just glad
she didn't slug me.

[ Both chuckle ]

You probably don't
even remember this.

I was always hanging out
at the school yearbook office

'cause I was the, uh...

You were the assistant editor

and circulation manager.

Thank you.

Burl, you were the best salesman
in the whole class.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Then how come I was never
able to sell you on me?

Well, maybe I just
wasn't in the buying mood.

But that was then,
and this is now.

Do you mind?

Oh, sure.
In fact, it's my job.

[ Chuckles ]

Are you kidding me?

You've done very well
for yourself.

Oh, well, sure.

I've got room, board,

a decent salary,
a generous pension,

uh, all the sharp uniforms
I can wear.

People call me sir now.

And I've got a social schedule
even Burt Reynolds would envy.

Is there a future Mrs. Smith
on the horizon?

Not on this watch, no.

But I've been
on the lookout.

And, well,
I don't want to brag,

but I've had,
uh, a few sightings

and an occasional boarding.

[ Chuckles ] Burl.

You always did have
a terrific sense of humor.

Well, listen,
I've got to go.

But if there's anything you
need, anything that you want,

you know, I'm right around --

oh, there is, burl.

Hmm?

Be my escort
for dinner tonight.

And, uh, I'll tell you
how you became an officer.

You'll tell me?

Oh, sure.

I clipped it out of the daily
herald feature section --

"local boy named
Princess purser of the year."

Huh?

You saved that article?!

[ Laughs ]

I thought I bought up
all the copies.

♪♪

Uh, excuse me.
Is this chair taken?

No.

I was saving it for you.

Weatherby!

I thought you just came
to see me off.

I mean, I thought you'd be
back up in heaven by now.

It's an easy commute
for an angel.

I still don't understand
why they won't let me in.

I mean, what did I do
that was so terrible?

I didn't k*ll anyone
or covet my neighbor's wife.

I honored
my mother and father.

I didn't break
any of the big .

True.
Your sin was one of omission.

Never once
in your entire life

did you do a truly loving thing
for someone else.

Come on, weatherby.

I've loved more women
in my lifetime

than -- than three men.

And I was nice
to all of them.

But only so that they,
in turn, would be nice to you.

No, I am afraid that,
as a taker instead of a giver,

you led
a rather selfish life.

Great.

I get my own
personal commandment.

You're also getting
a second chance.

I told you -- just perform
one totally selfless act.

That's all.

But you're
never gonna do it

by sitting around
complaining about it.

Remember,
when this cruise is over,

so is your second
and last chance.

Okay. Okay.

Hey. Hey!

Hey, need a place to sit?
Here.

Take this.
Enjoy yourself.

Well, did I catch
the brass halo with that one?

Not even close.

Hi.

Hi.

Jack Davidson, right?

Good memory.

Blair Chapman.

Hello, Blair.

Tall Tom Collins,
please, bartender.

That sure was sweet of you
to offer that lady your chair.

I'm glad
chivalry isn't dead.

Oh, please.
I hate that word.

What, "chivalry"?

No, "dead."

One tall Tom Collins.

That is tall.

Yes.

Don't start
what you can't finish.

Um, listen.
I, uh --

i have something kind
of pressing to take care of.

Talk to you later?

I'll be around.

So will I.

For a while.

♪♪

[ Crowd gasps ]

Now, will you listen to me?

No.

You listen to me.

I warned you that if you kept
watching all those soap operas,

your mind
would turn to silly putty.

Bradley caine.

Oh, boy.

Oh, all right.
So I got carried away.

But Mark my words --
no one can play Bradley caine

without some of it
rubbing off.

There's evil in that man.

Come on, mom.

David swick's one
of the nicest men I've ever met.

Oh, sure.
[ Chuckles ]

He's always nice
to young girls.

He was nice to Debbie Blake.

And she ended up in a home
for unwed mothers.

Oh.

Hi, Mr. Swick.

Good evening.

I assume you're having dinner
with Melanie Tate.

No, I'm afraid not.

I don't want to spoil
her mother's appetite.

She can't separate me
from Bradley caine,

the villain I play on TV.

She thinks we're one
and the same.

Mrs. Tate is really involved
in your show.

Involved?
She lives it.

And she'd probably
give anything

to know what's going
to happen to all the characters.

Oh, right. I could tip her
off to everything

that's gonna happen
within the next six months.

And she could run home
to all her soap-opera buddies

knowing every tawdry secret.

She'd be queen
of the neighborhood.

And mad about the guy
who filled her in.

Now, why didn't sneaky
Bradley caine think of that?

He just did.

Excuse me.

David's coming.
Now be nice.

If he sits, I split.

He's just after your body.

Oh.

Good evening.

Hi.

Good evening.

Well, I'm sorry to break in
on you like this,

but I've been on the telephone
with our story editor.

You are not gonna believe
what's gonna happen

between Nora lockridge
and her chauffeur.

Oh!

You mean
you know what's gonna happen

to all the characters?

Oh, sure.

Story lines are set
about six months in advance.

Do you know the new woman
in Roger Courtney's life?

Edith Mars.

Yes.

Well, Roger doesn't know it,
but she's not really a woman.

She's a football player
who had a sex-change operation.

Holy Toledo!

Well, I will see you all
after dessert and --

no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Please, sit and,
um, tell me everything.

Oh, waiter.

Would you bring
another chair?

And champagne.

Your order, sir?

Oh, great timing,
weatherby.

Now you show up.

I bought an electric razor
for a guy in the gift shop,

a perfect stranger,

and you didn't even see it.

I see everything, Jack.

Unfortunately,
you see very little.

Now, what the he--

heck
is that supposed to mean?

Sure you don't mind my not
eating at your table, merrill?

When he phoned,
I didn't say yes.

I just said maybe.

Of course I don't mind.

I'm delighted
you met someone.

That's what cruises
are for.

[ Chuckles ]
Thanks, neighbor.

Surprise.

Oh.

And, uh, a gift-wrapped
surprise at that.

Glad you could make it.

I am, too.

Madam.

Oh, thank you.

May I recommend
the angel's hair pasta?

It's my personal favorite.

Oh, it sounds wonderful.
I love pasta.

Thank you.

Well, all I know about you
is your name

and that you love pasta.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, that's about
as exotic as it gets.

I live alone
in Los Angeles.

And, uh...

This is the first cruise
I've ever been on.

How about you?

My first cruise, too.

Where do you live?

Heaven only knows.

I'm in the process
of moving.

So you're kind of
up in the air.

Let's hope.

Well, we seem to have
been deserted tonight.

Hm.

Yes.

I lost Blair
to another man.

Ace is away.

Gopher has abandoned us.

He's dining
with an old friend.

I understand she's a girl
he proposed to once.

Oh, that's so romantic.

I also understand
she turned him down.

Oh, doc.
So what?

He was in love with her once.

You've lost your sense
of romance.

I couldn't. I have
four ex-wives to remind me.

[ Laughter ]

All in all, they seem to be
getting along remarkably well.

Thank you very much.

These --
I don't know how you say it.

Mm, mm, mm.
Poire a la bartlettes.

Pears in wine.

Well, they're delicious.

Mm-hmm.

And you know those little
lobsters we had earlier?

Mm. Langoustine.

Little lobsters.

Lobsters that are shrimp.

[ Chuckles ]

I import them and lay them
in for each cruise.

You order
the ship's food, too?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I'll tell you,
you are the answer

to every woman's dreams --

a man who knows his way
around the grocery store,

and not just the liquor
department and the pretzel rack.

I have to warn you --
I can only shop for people.

Well, you would be so much fun
to cook for.

You're so sophisticated.

Yes, I am.

Thank you.

♪♪

[ Slow music plays ]

You've made her
one happy lady.

I just hope
she doesn't get too happy.

She loves champagne.

No.

She's just celebrating,

thinking about how crazy she's
gonna make all of her friends

when she gets back home.

[ Music ends, applause ]

You can't have him
all night.

Mother!

I don't believe you.

I couldn't resist.

You even dance evil.

Let's be evil together.

Come dance with me
to the casbah.

Oh.

[ Tango plays ]

This Jack Davidson
sounds like quite a guy.

Why didn't he come
with you?

Oh, he's here.

He's been dancing
with other women all evening.

[ Chuckles ] See?

Thank you.

My pleasure,
twinkle toes.

If you'd like to boogie later,
just holler.

Jack.

Jack Davidson,
captain merrill stubing.

It's a pleasure, Jack.

It's my pleasure, captain.

You know, none of those ladies
would have had the opportunity

to dance
if you hadn't asked them.

I think that was
a wonderful thing to do.

Not wonderful enough,
I'm afraid.

What are you
talking about?

You put a smile
on every one of their faces.

And now you're putting one
on mine.

Captain, may I?

Certainly.

I am really glad that we met
the second time around.

I'm really glad, too.

Well, while I freshen up,
why don't you get us a drink?

Okay.

Champagne all right?

What year?

Well, the even years
are usually the best.

I should have known.

We broke up
in an odd year.

I'll be back.

♪♪

I'll get your mother
back to the cabin.

Then I'll meet you
on the deck.

I'll be the one framed
in the moonlight.

No, here.

Let me help you.

No, I don't need any help.

I can make it.
Aah!

Careful! Oh.

Don't you touch me!

Mom, what happened?

Well, I was
just trying to help her.

You did not!
You pushed me!

He shoved me
right down the staircase!

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have
trusted you, Bradley caine!

♪♪

[ Breathes deeply ]

Beautiful night
about to come to an end.

It doesn't have to end.

[ Chuckles ]
Well, I've got to get to bed.

But it really has been
wonderful.

Well, okay.

Uh, in that case, how about
a kiss for old times' sake?

How about another,
for new times' sake?

Oh, I can't remember when I had
such a lovely evening, Jack.

We dock in acapulco
tomorrow.

Would I be pushing my luck to
ask you to spend the whole day

doing the town with me?

Push all you want.

You've got a date.

Great.

I wish we could somehow
recapture time.

I missed so much
not knowing you before.

What's the matter?

Oh, it's nothing.

Sometimes I just
get overly emotional.

That's all right.

It's nice to be able
to express your feelings.

Come on.
I'll walk you to your cabin.

Oh, no.

Please, let's just
say good night here.

For me, this has been
an enchanting evening.

All day in acapulco.

Sometimes I worry
about your priorities.

Now, look, weatherby.

She's the most fantastic woman
I've ever known.

I'm not gonna be around
much longer.

And I'm gonna spend
as much time with her as I can.

Very well.

Your choices are your own --
for now.

Time is running out.

♪♪

Well, here we are,
safe and sound.

Good night, Leslie.

Where are you going?

I thought you said
you wanted to go to sleep.

Who said anything
about sleep?

I said
I wanted to go to bed.

♪♪

David, I know it wasn't
your fault my mother fell.

Your mother doesn't seem
to think so.

Don't worry about it.
Forget it.

I'm just glad it was only
a minor sprained ankle.

Okay.
I've forgotten about it.

How about
this afternoon?

Hi. Excuse me.

I just dropped in
on your mother.

She's doing fine.

On the outside.

Inside, I think
she's still a little shaky.

I know.

She asked for a guard
to be stationed

outside her cabin door.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Well, enjoy your day.

Thank you.

When your show needs
a new writer, hire my mother.

What an incredible imagination
she has.

I'll have
a Spanish omelet, please.

Divine choice.

Weatherby!

Where have you been
this morning?

I've already returned
a lost wallet.

I've already given a lady
a ride around the deck

in her wheelchair.

Onions, sir?

Forget the onions.

I helped a lost kid
find his parents.

Ah, I already know
everything you've done,

including
making your own bed

so the maid wouldn't have
to do it this morning.

All unselfish acts,
every one of them.

Acts of kindness, to be sure,
but hardly unselfish.

You only did them so
you'd be admitted into heaven.

But isn't that
the whole point?

Oh, the point is
that you are missing the point.

Do you think
you're really going to find it

by going into acapulco
with that woman?

I guess you're right.

Can't afford to risk my whole
future for just one day.

Jack!

The captain says
we'll be in acapulco soon.

I know it sounds silly, but I
can't remember the last time

I was so excited
about anything.

Blair, I can't...

Can't what?

I can't wait to get there!

We'll have the time
of our lives!

I never understand mortals.

♪♪

Welcome to glorious acapulco.

This slice of tropical paradise

offers sunshine, charm,
and all the magic of Mexico.

Be sure to sign up
at the purser's desk

for the special land tours.

Hasta luego.

Gopher, I think you're
making too much out of it.

Isaac, I'm telling you,

her whole attitude
is different.

Last night,
she was romantic.

And today, it's like
she's a million miles away.

Well, maybe she's just not
a morning person.

No, it's not that.
It's something else.

Something is bothering her.

Or I suppose it's possible

I mistook
a physical friendship for love.

Why don't you ask her?

Put your fears to rest
or confirm them.

But at least
you'll know the truth.

The truth often hurts.

It can.

But isn't it better
to know?

I'll have
to get back to you on that.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

I'm telling you,
it was a plot.

That monster was after me
from the first moment he saw me.

I should have had the doctor
check you for brain damage.

David swick pushed me
down those stairs.

How would you know?

You were bombed
out of your mind.

I was not!

I'm telling you,
David swick did it.

It was the Bradley caine
in him.

Oh!

I gave up a day in port
with David to listen to this.

He wants to get me
out of the way

so he can get at you.

Mom, he can get at me
any time he wants.

He's the man I've been
looking for all my life.

Him?

Yes.

And I'll tell you
something else --

if he ever asked me
to marry him, I would.

Marry him?
Oh, no.

He's already poisoned
one mother-in-law.

♪♪

I hope you understand
about this morning.

I just needed some time
to myself.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Because I would hate
to think

that I made a fool of myself
over the same lady twice.

Burl, listen to me.

You see, I was surprised,

and I was moved
by the man you've become.

And I guess I just wasn't
prepared to feel as deeply

for you as I do.

And I needed
to catch my breath.

Well, I think
I better catch mine

because what that sounds like
is that you're saying

that you're in love
with me.

I believe I am.

Okay.

Hold that thought.

Oh. Um...

[ Breathes deeply ]

Leslie, for the second time
in my life,

I'm asking,
will you marry me?

For the first time
in my life,

I'm saying yes.

Yes?

Yes!

Oh!

Oh.

♪♪

This has been
what I call a peachy day.

And you're what I call
a peachy woman.

Oh, Jack.

I think I'm falling in love
with you.

You're a little slow.

I've already fallen in love
with you.

Oh, I'm so happy.

Oh.

I wish I could stay like this
for the rest of my life.

♪♪

We hope you enjoyed
your stay in acapulco.

On behalf of the passengers,

our captain
has put in a special order

for smooth seas
and starry skies.

Unless he's lost his touch,
it should be a great trip home.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Glass ringing ]

Uh, excuse me, please.

I think you all know why I've
called you here tonight.

I would like
to do something

that I have wanted
to do for a long time.

Hey. Great.

Look at that.

Oh, burl,
it's the same ring.

It's the same one
you offered me years ago.

Except now it's paid for.

Well, it's even more beautiful
than before.

Uh, merrill,
would you give us a few words?

Gopher, we thank you for sharing
this moment of joy with us.

Leslie, we are warmed
by your glow.

We welcome you.

We share your happiness.

And we ask you
one thing --

love him
as much as we do.

Here's to happiness.

Here's to love.

And may you never have one
without the other.

♪♪

The, uh, clasp
won't snap.

Oh.

Good.

There.

I love it.
Thank you.

You're so sweet.

Speaking of, uh, sweet,
how's your mother?

Oh, please.
Don't ask.

What happened?

We had another big fuss.

She's given me
an ultimatum --

I have to choose
between you and her.

Oh?

I think it's about time
that I settle this situation

between your mother and me
once and for all.

[ Knock on door ]

Coming.

Hi.
I'm all ready.

Blair.

Blair, there's something
I have to talk to you about.

Well, it sounds serious.

Can I fix you a drink?

Let me tell you what I have
to say before I lose my nerve.

[ Sighs ]

This is just the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.

Blair,
I can't see you anymore.

It's not that
I don't love you.

I do.

Then what is it?

If we keep seeing each other,
you'll only end up getting hurt.

There's just no way
we can have a future together.

I'm not sure I understand.

It's all very complicated.

I can't really explain it
to you.

Perhaps it's for the best.

Blair, I'm sorry.

[ Sighs ]

I'll always remember you
with joy in my heart.

♪♪

Who is it?

David: Steward, ma'am.

Come in.

You get out of here.

We have nothing
to say to each other.

Oh, yes, we do.

And don't you give me that
Bradley caine tone of voice.

There are times
when Bradley caine

can settle things
far better than David swick.

♪♪

What I was thinking we can do
is get a little place

up the coast, you see?

And then you could be
close to the farms,

and I could be
close to the ocean.

What do you think?

[ Sighs ]

They really love you,
don't they?

Who really loves me?

The crew.

It's like you're a part
of a family.

Well, we've been
together a long time.

No, burl.

It's more than that.
[ Sighs ]

You know, at the party,

i realized that they want
nothing more for you

than for you
to be happy.

Well, I am happy
now that I have you.

You're making this
very difficult for me.

Burl...

Hmm?

I don't think I can go
through with this wedding.

You need more time?

No.

I've had plenty of time --

time to dig up our old yearbook
and a newspaper,

time to brush up
on all the things

that I couldn't remember
about you,

time to figure out
how to make you marry me.

Well, you got your wish.
I'm ready, willing, and able.

But I'm not, burl.

I thought that we said
that we loved each other.

I've grown to love you
and what you've become.

But I'm not in love
with you.

Then why did you say yes?

Because I need a husband.

I'm pregnant
with somebody else's baby.

So...

What you were looking for
was just some guy

to play father, hmm?

And what I found
was a beautiful human being.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me, burl.

Thanks for letting me
unload on you, doc.

Ah.

You must think mom and I
are a couple of crazies.

No, I think
you're both delightful.

And I also think
David is very lucky.

Thank you.

I just hope
mom hasn't m*rder*d him.

Mrs. Tate: Ugh! Aah!

What is that?
Mom?

[ Grunting ]

David: [ Grunting ]

Mom!

Let her go!

Wait
a minute!

[ Shouting indistinctly ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

Let him go!

Let him -- Melanie!

Leave him alone.

Will you please
tell me

what the hell
is going on here?

Yeah, I'd kind of
like to know, too.

All right. What --

it's really very simple.

David and I
were discussing our problems

when suddenly I got
a potato chip

down the wrong way
in my windpipe.

David realized I was choking,
and he dragged me off the bed

and started to perform
the heimlich maneuver.

Next, Melanie
rushed in the room

and made a fool
of herself again.

Oh, bless you,
Bradley caine.

Oh, you saved my life.

Oh, my.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Busy, merrill?

Never too busy
for a friend.

Good.

[ Sighs ]

I just need some company.

Is there something wrong,
Blair?

Jack and I aren't going
to see each other anymore.

Oh.

Well, sometimes
these shipboard romances

never get their sea legs.

He said it wouldn't be fair
to me to go on.

Hm.

The ironic thing is,
I was trying to find a way

to tell him
the same thing.

Well, then why so sad

if you wanted to break up
with him anyway?

I didn't want to.

I had to.

How could I dream
of giving Jack a future

when I don't
have one myself?

Merrill, I --

I'm ill.

Ill?

Terminally ill.

They've tried everything.

There's nothing more
they can do.

It's -- it's just a matter
of months.

Blair...

...I'm sorry.

Took a while, but...

I've come to terms with it.

So I...

I decided to take a cruise
and have some fun.

What I didn't count on
was falling in love.

♪♪

You look rather depressed.

I'd jump overboard,
but I'm already dead.

Well, there's no reason
for despair.

Oh, no?

I just gave up
the only woman I ever loved.

And I still don't have any idea
of how to get into heaven.

Well, you certainly
won't be our brightest addition.

What?

Breaking up with Blair to save
her as much pain as possible

in spite of the hurt
it caused you

was a very unselfish thing
to do.

Swell. But that doesn't
make me feel any better.

Wait a minute.

You mean I made it?

As I said,
just one totally selfless act.

That's all.

That's some system
you guys have.

I got to give up the girl I love
in order to get into heaven,

where I'll be miserable
without her.

Ah, no one
is ever miserable in heaven

because heaven
is always complete.

It won't be complete
without Blair.

She'll be there soon.

Oh, no.

It's going to be
a marriage made in heaven.

You mean...

Mr. Weatherby!

You really are
an angel.

Yes, for some time now.

♪♪

Maybe you better
put this on.

Can't have a new mom
catching a cold out here,

you know.

Oh, burl.

Uh-oh.

Look at this.

Mm. See?
Salt spray.

You've been standing too close
to the railing.

[ Chuckles, sniffles ]

You know, I didn't have
to look up everything about you

in the yearbook.

There was one thing
that stood out in my memory.

What was that?

The way
you always protected me.

You would never let
anyone hurt me.

When I found out
I was pregnant

by a man who didn't care
about me or my baby,

I was so frightened.

I-I just didn't want
to be hurt anymore.

You know, sometimes
that hurt can make you stronger.

It's like
what those body builders say.

You know --
"no pain, no gain."

This baby...

I don't know how i'm
gonna deal with it alone.

Well, you don't have
to deal with it alone

because I still want
to marry you.

I want to be a father
to that baby.

I'm great with kids.

I can't let you do this, burl.

You're so sweet.

I have lived enough of my life
as a lie.

And I am gonna go home.

I'm gonna start this new life
inside of me with the truth.

Okay.

But when the time comes
for you to have that baby...

Yeah?

...if you need me,
I'll be there.

All right?

[ Sniffles ]

Here.
Here's what you do.

You tap out
dash, dash, dot.

That's morse code.
You understand?

That's "g."

That's gopher.
That's me.

No.
That's "g" for Galahad.

Oh, burl.

My baby may never
have your name, burl,

but I hope
it has your soul.

We better get out of here

before I get
a little salt spray myself.

♪♪

Now, you take care
of that ankle, Mrs. Tate.

Soon, you'll be
as good as new.

Thanks, doc.

She better be.

She's got a wedding
to go to.

That's great.
Congratulations.

Can you imagine my daughter
marrying Bradley caine?

Uh, David swick.

I'll still check for arsenic
in the punch bowl.

Mother!

Coming.

It's been
a wonderful cruise, merrill.

Thanks for everything,

especially the shoulder
to lean on last night.

Just remember that next time
I come to borrow a cup of sugar.

Take care.

Oh, Blair, wait.

Oh, I couldn't let you go
without saying goodbye.

Oh, thanks, Jack.
That means a lot to me.

And be happy because everything
is gonna be fine.

I don't understand.

Don't worry.

I got it
from a very high source.

Hey, Jack. I don't even know
what you're talking about.

You will.

You're part of our early
admissions program, too.

Now, what else?
Oh. Oh, yeah.

I ordered a lamaze book

in case you need a coach
in seven months.

All right?

All right.

Okay,
one other thing --

I want you
to keep the ring.

Burl,
I can't accept the --

[ both chuckle ]

Oh,
that is so precious.

So are you.

Oh.

Goodbye, my friend.

Okay.
Now, remember...

If either of you
need me...

I know.

Dash, dash...

Dash, dash, dot.

Dot.

Right.

Just call me.

It's good to know
you'll be there.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Chuckles ]

Bye.

♪♪

♪♪