09x14 - Egyptian Cruise: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music]

Theme song: Love,
love exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, love is
life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat, promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love, love
won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile,
on a friendly shore.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

Welcome aboard, it's love!

Welcome aboard, it's love!

[Music playing]

When you say we'd
be taking a new ship,

this is not exactly what
we had in mind, captain.

Here in Egypt, the camel
is considered the ship

of the desert, miss McCoy.

Oh!

Hey, doc, do seasick
pills work for camels?

I don't know.

Give your camel
one and find out.

You know, I studied
Egypt in school,

but I never thought I'd see it.

Cairo, a cruise up the nile.

It's a dream come true.

Next time, think you could
work a limo into the dream?

[Yelling]

I suggest you all take the
chance to see Cairo today.

We'll meet at the
ship this afternoon.

[Music playing]

Judy: Oh, wow!

I've heard the
pyramids were big,

but I didn't know
they were this big.

That's why them the
great pyramid, Judy.

Let's climb it.

Climb it?

J-- Judy, do you
know how tall it is?

[Scream]

Yeah!

feet high, .
million stone blocks.

I am going to scramble
over every one of them

all the to the top.

Judy.

Last one is a mummy's uncle.

Judy, what are
you, a mountain goat?

Wait up.

You look like you
could use a hand.

Oh, actually-- thanks.

It's a more difficult
climb than it appears.

Definitely worth the effort.

Oh, yeah.

So you come here often?

Whenever I'm in
the neighborhood.

This is my first time.

Am I, uh,
interrupting something?

Unfortunately not.

Well, I've got to
be going anyways.

Oh, but [inaudible]
again when you're in town.

It's a date.

He's a kid, Judy.

He's a hunk, ace.

Mother of Pearl
ivory [inaudible],,

finely crafted by a master.

And for you, only pounds.

Well, that's not so bad.

Doc, this is the
Khan al-khalili.

This is the oldest
bazaar in Cairo.

They expect you to bargain here.

pounds?

pounds.

It is yours.

Hey, dad, you've got a natural
talent for this sort of thing.

Yeah.

Well, thank you.

[Inaudible],, you are with
one of the nile cruise boats.

Yeah, the
"Alexander the great."

Ah, Americans

uh-huh.

Behold, sir,
golden ankh, treasure

from the pharaohs tomb.

Please, take it, my gift to you.

Come on, now, I
wasn't born yesterday.

How much is that really
going to cost me?

?

?

Just take it.

All right, pounds.

Sold!

I wonder what all these
hieroglyphics mean.

Oh, it's probably Egyptian
for, made in Taiwan.

[Singing]

[Speaking arabic]

What?

That's arabic for please.

Why do you bother with that?

Huh?

I mean, everybody
here speaks English.

I think it's nice to try.

I find it embarrassing.

These shoe coverings are
considered a sign of respect

for the mosque.

Oh, how do you say
thank you in arabic?

Shokran with a long o.

Shokran?

My wife's a schoolteacher.

You'll have to forgive her.

She thinks the world
is her classroom.

Oh, no, I love
learning new things.

Good, there'll be a
pop quiz in minutes.

I see you're a captain.

You wouldn't be steaming up the
nile today on the "Alexander

the great," would you?

Indeed, we would.

I'm merrill stubing.

This is my daughter, Vicki.

Oh, nice to meet you, captain.

I take it you'll be putting
your lives in my hands

for the next week or so.

Ah, that call from the states
is coming in at o'clock.

Can we play small
world some other time?

My husband isn't
much on sightseeing.

So enjoy your visit.

Oh, thank you.

Shokran, long o.

Very good.

Go to the head of the class.

[Music playing]

There she is, Vicki,
the "Alexander the great,"

our home for the next two weeks.

Well, merrill,
isn't she a little--

well--

I think the word that doc
is looking for, sir, is small.

Maybe if we're sailing the
pacific, but with a flat bottom

drop of less than meters,
cabins, dining room lounge,

and sun deck, her
proportions are

perfect for cruising the nile.

Nabil, everybody, this
is nabil El masri, our boss

for the next two weeks.

Ah, nice to see you.

Nabil and I met while
he was researching

the care and training
of the cruise ship.

Merrill was the most
efficient and knowledgeable

captain I talked to.

We'll never hear
the end of this.

Nabil: I tried to hire
him away, but this one

cruise was the most like to talk
him into, and on one condition.

Well, actually,
six conditions.

When I heard what he
had to say about you,

what could I say except,
[Speaking arabic],,

welcome aboard.

And all I can say
is, don't let me down.

[Music playing]

From the way you're
dressed, I'm guessing

you're part of the ship.

Your ship's
doctor, Adam ricker.

And from the way you
asked that question,

I'm guessing you're a passenger.

Right.

Helen branigan.

Welcome.

Thank you.

This is the cruise merrill
stubing is in charge of.

Aha, a limited
engagement, one cruise only.

Shall I tell him you're aboard?

Oh, no, no, please,
privileged information,

part of our doctor-passenger
relationship.

Aha.

Thanks.

Well, whoever's in doesn't
believe in traveling light.

There's no passenger assigned.

A crate with it's own cabin?

This ship is something else.

Even the luggage is
traveling first class.

Oh, no, not luggage, Isaac,
but a , -year-old pharaoh

sarcophagus on its way from
the Cairo museum to a new

exhibit at karnak temple.

Hmm, sarcophagus.

Yeah, as in mummy.

Mhm.

As in curse of the--

mhm.

Mhm.

Isaac, not real
good with curses.

See you later.

Take care.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hello.

I like your uniform.

Are you the captain?

Not quite.

Well, hello again.

Hello.

No, no, I'm Judy McCoy,
the cruise director.

Actually, it's really
the same as being

the captain without that awful
burden of responsibility.

Well, you have a room here
for Christopher Stewart?

If not, you can have mine.

I mean--

that's ok.

Let's see,
Stewart, Christopher,

[inaudible],, cabin
, not quite

the climb you're used to, but--

I think I can manage, thanks.

You're welcome.

[Music playing]

Gopher: Who's in the car?

Who's that, an Egyptian
politician or a secretary

of state?

Captain: Control
yourself, gentlemen,

that is miss Deborah
Grant, america's

number one movie star.

Please, do you
have any questions?

The cameras.

Yes, it's been an
exhausting trip.

[Inaudible] This way.

Turn around, please.

[Interposing voices]

Now, now.

How do you like Cairo?

Over here, miss Grant.

Have you been
doing research on it?

How do you like Cairo?

Miss Grant?
Miss Grant?

Over here.

Word has it
you're going to star

in a remake of "Cleopatra."

Any truth to that?

Mr. Richmond,
you're a long way

from that cheap Hollywood
tabloid they call a newspaper,

aren't you?

Nice to see you again too.

About the remake--

what about the remake?

Are you doing research on it?

I have always felt a
mysterious connection

with "Cleopatra," much
the way Mr. Richmond

here must feel about pt barnum.

If I do the movie, it
will not be a remake.

It will be the only
version of "Cleopatra."

Modestly put.

Sorry, sorry, got to go.

The nile is calling.

It's [inaudible]
From my producer.

Bye, boys.

Reporter: One more,
miss Grant, over here.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, welcome aboard.

I'm Adam bricker, your ship's
full-service physician,

on call hours a day.

Carrie barton.

I'm looking for cabin .

Is this it?

I'd be delighted
to show you the way.

I'm not on a pleasure
cruise, doctor,

to so perhaps you should
save the bedside manner

for your patients.

Aha, in that case, through
that door, one deck down.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

It's just not a
good time for me

to be leaving work
and going running

around with [inaudible].

Greg, you have not left work.

Notice that you brought
the office with you.

All right, look, you
asked me to come along.

I came.

I have responsibilities.

It is not everyone
that gets three months

off for vacation every year.

Honey, I just thought it
would be good, you know,

for us to spend
some time together.

You know, go see
new places and talk.

We talk.

We talk all the time.

But we never say anything.

Gopher: Here we are, miss Grant.

We have a suite
reserved in your name.

You know what they say,
sweets to the suite.

I loved you in your last film.

Are you two being paid
to work or to prowl?

Work.

Work.

Hook that barge,
and lift that bale.

Sorry.

[Inaudible].

Deborah?

You weren't due
for another hour.

Well, the plane was early.

The traffic was light.

Absolutely nothing
has gone right today.

Who's this?

Oh, this is your
press photographer.

Roger heggen was
supposed to meet us,

but he's stranded in Amsterdam.

So, luckily Deborah, we
were able to get the ship's

photographer to fill in.

The ship's photographer?

Yeah.

A ship's photographer is in
charge of my publicity photos?

Ace Evans, miss Grant.

This is really a pleasure.

Oh, I'm sure.

Well, I suppose he'll
just have to do.

Deborah, the reporter who's
covering a cruise for you,

somebody you're
really going to like,

he's the best in his field.

Here he is now.

Now I am really looking
forward to working

closely with you, miss Grant.

Sawyer: Mr.
Richmond, miss Grant,

Mr. Richmond, oh, you're--

you're really going to like him.

My name is not on your
dotted line yet, Mr. Sawyer.

A lot is riding on
how this trip goes,

and this is not an
auspicious beginning.

Where's my cabin.
- Cabin?

Ah, cabin?
Right this way.

- Show me.
- Right over there.

It's that way.
- I'll show you.

Do it.
Do it.

Do it.

Ace: This way.

[Music playing]

[Whistle]

[Whistle]

Yah!

Captain stubing, I presume.

Helen.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, I'm so glad you changed
your mind about coming.

Oh, I am too.

I think they showed "death on
the nile" on the flight over,

so I'll have to let you know.

Oh, you're still
as beautiful as ever.

Oh, please.

Am I going to trust
my life on the river

to a man with your eyesight?

Oh, you never could
take a compliment.

Oh.

Oh, Luxor, edfu, aswan.

Frank would have loved this.

He was the world
explorer, you know?

Our photo albums look like
"national geographic."

I'm sorry, Helen, I truly am.

Frank and I grew up together.

But he was my best friend too.

He is.

I can't think of him
in the past tense.

He's very much alive to me.

Well, there was a vacant
chair at the captain's

table just waiting to be filled
by a beautiful, charming woman.

Oh, nothing doing.

I want you to save
that seat for me.

[Music playing]

This is some authentic
Egyptian cruise.

We've got our own
sarcophagus and everything.

I always wanted to see
one of those up close.

Why don't we take a look?

No, no, no, no.

They put that thing in a
crate for protection, ours.

You don't believe all that
curse of the mummy stuff?

Well, i'm--

a big guy like you.

No.

Come on.

Isaac, this is
breaking and entering.

We're not going
to break anything.

I just want to
have a little look.

Give me a hand with this, ok?

No, I don't think so, i--

come on, gopher.

Give me a hand.

[Music playing]

Seen enough?

Not yet.

I think I have.

This cabin is off limits
to all but museum personnel.

What are you doing in here?

Room service, just came by
to see if you needed a change

of sheets, but guess not.

Nice mummy you have there.

[Door knock]

Miss Grant, i--

I don't recall
ordering room service.

Miss Grant, I'm merrill
stubing, your captain.

Ah, a captain,
how nice for you.

I was hoping you might
dine at my table tonight.

It's not often we have the
chance of sailing with such a

beautiful, charming--

no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

I try never to eat boat food
unless I absolutely have to.

I've had a meal
flown in from Paris.

I'm dining in another time.

Here we go.

Hello.

Mr. and Mrs.
Peters, I'd like you

to meet Christopher Stewart.

Miss McCoy tells
me we're going to be

tablemates for the duration.

Oh, welcome.

Pull up a chair.

Listen, Chris, since this
ship is new to all of us,

we're very interested in
the passengers' reactions.

Maybe you'd like to talk about
it over a drink after dinner?

Subtlety, that's not
one of her strong suits.

Mrs. Peters?

Yes.

Tri-city high school,
sophomore history.

Mr. Peters: We
have flown halfway

around the world to share
a dinner table with one

of your former students?

Chris.

Chris Stewart.

Gee, uh, when you taught
us much American history

as I have, I'm sorry.

That's ok.

It's been a few years
since high school.

Not many, I guess.

So what brings you
to the nile, Chris?

Well, I just graduated
from Northwestern.

And I thought I'd see some of
the world before settling down.

I figured there's enough time
for the hard realities later,

oh, more than enough time.

This may seem like
the dark ages to you,

but Helen and I go all the
way back to our college days.

In fact, merrill
introduced me to my husband,

frank, my late husband.

Captain: And one of the
biggest mistakes in my life.

I can understand the
captain's disappointment.

Oh, Mr. El masri,
you are too much.

I could stop.

No, I can live with it.

So you just going to travel
around then, Mrs. Branigan?

Oh, no, no,
Vicki, I'm starting

a small business of my own.

Last semester, I took
some management courses.

Well, that's wonderful.

I've learned quite a bit
about running a small business

over the years.

Perhaps we could discuss your
plans on deck after dinner.

Oh, that's very
kind of you, but

with the jet lag and
all the unpacking

I have to do, not tonight.

Another time then.

Beautiful night, isn't it?

Are you following me?

Well, I was here first.

So if anybody is
following anybody, i--

this wouldn't have anything
to do with our last interview,

would it?

The hatchet job,
where you misquoted me,

took things out of
context, and did everything

you could to print
things that put

me in the worst light possible?

Hmm, well, I thought it
was a fair and truthful

representation of our meeting.

You made me appear like
an egocentric barracuda.

Hmm, I rest my case.

I don't know what strings
you pull to get this job,

but I can pull some
strings of my own.

So if you value your
job, leave me alone.

Is that understood?

Yeah.

Understood and noted.

I got it for pounds,
quite a bargain, eh?

Well, that depends.

What price did he ask for it?

Well, he wanted--

well, it was going to be free.

Nice negotiating, doc.

Good evening, Dr. Bricker.

I'm afraid I was rather
abrupt this afternoon.

But I had a lot on my mind.

Apology accepted, miss barton.

Carrie.

I thought I could make it up
to you over a drink, Adam.

Even better.

Isaac.

Oh, that's beautiful.

An ankh is it?

May I see it.

Yes.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

Caught up on
your sleep, I see.

Yes, up with the egrets.

Any award-winning photos?

Oh, no, no.

I can't seem to get
into the spirit of it.

I feel as slow as the nile.

We'll be docking
at Luxor shortly.

Perhaps you'd like to share
a visit to the temple.

It's where I got my
start as a tour guide,

and I still recall an
interesting story or two.

Good morning, Helen.

Nabil.

Good morning, merill.

Is the nile always this calm?

Only when there are
tourists on the river.

The rest of the time,
it's even more peaceful.

Now, I'm sure it's a bit
more exciting in Luxor.

Would you like to see
the temples together,

look around after we're done?

Merrill and I have so
much catching up to do.

Just only if you
don't need me on board.

Oh, no, no, not at all.

You got us from Cairo to Luxor.

That's the hard part.

I believe the crew could
handle the Alexandra dock.

Please, enjoy your day.

Something wrong?

Oh, no, no, no, not now.

Everything's fine.

Announcer: Welcome
to upper Egypt.

We're docking at Luxor, the
ancient Egyptian capital

known to the Greeks as thebes.

Don't miss Luxor temple,
one of the magnificent sites

of ancient Egypt.

Come on, honey.

Everyone's leaving for Luxor.

Listen, i--

I just can't relax until I
get this manuscript right.

I mean, if I let
another bestseller

slip through my
fingers, Phillips

is going to have my head.

You go on without me.

But Greg.

Laurel, we have been
through this before.

I mean, the work comes first.

It's paying for the trip.

You have a good time.

Ok, you too.

Luxor temple was begun
approximately , years ago

by amenhotep III and added onto
by succeeding pharaohs until it

reached its present size.

This closed loop,
for example, is

the cartouche of rameses ii, the
pharaoh's official signature.

Isaac: Wow!

That looks like a lot of
work just to sign your name.

Yeah.

I bet he didn't get too many
requests for his autograph.

[Laugh]

The treasure of the
pharaohs wasn't just

gold and sliver, Adam.

It was incredible artistry,
amazing workmanship.

Boy, for a dress designer
you're really into egyptology,

aren't you?

Oh, I just read a lot.

Besides, anything
handmade fascinates me.

Like that art, for instance.

I wish I had something like
it to remind me of this trip.

Adam, would you consider
selling it to me?

Ahh, miss barton, Dr. Bricker.

Nabil.

Hello.

I say, that's
a beautiful ankh.

Treasure from
a pharaoh's tomb.

I got it for pounds.

A -pound treasure?

May I?

Of course.

Hmm, the workmanship
is really quite good.

I'd have it appraised
if I were you.

Really?

Good day.

Good day.

[Chime sound]

Captain: Did you know
that every temple was

built as a house for the gods?

And the ancient Egyptians
believed every pharaoh

became a god after death.

Hmm, I'm sure that
theory was heavily

endorsed by the pharaohs.

Oh.

What's the matter, Helen?

You're not cold, are you?

Oh, no, no, no.

It's just that, well,
the temples, the tombs,

I don't know.

It's difficult for me
to find beauty in all

these monuments to death.

Hmm, well, they seem
sort of comforting to me

in a strange sort of way.

It's like a celebration in
the belief of an afterlife.

You know, I dreamed last
night that we were all back

in college, you,
and frank, and I. It

was exactly like my first day.

It was raining, and I was
late to class, and I got lost.

And then you and frank
came chugging up in

that old gray Chevy of yours.

Oh, yes, with a broken
clutch in the top that leaks.

Oh, you know, it sounds silly,
but I still miss those days.

So do I.

[Inaudible] This morning.

Oh, Chris, good morning.

Yes, it sort of looks that way.

Isn't this place fascinating?

Did you know that Luxor temple
was really used only once

a year for a kind of a
new year's celebration

in honor of the god, amun.

Ah, will you listen to me,
teacher's instincts, I'm sorry.

I love your
enthusiasm, I always did.

But do you mind if I tag
along with you today.

It's always more fun
travelling with someone.

All right.

Announcer: A short ferry boat
ride across the nile from Luxor

is the valley of the kings,
where the treasure filled

tomb of king tut, the
boy king tutankhamen,

was discovered in .

Sawyer: Deborah Grant as
Cleopatra could make my career,

that is if we ever get started.

You think I could get
her to pose on this column?

I can't even get her
out of the trailer.

I'd like to look around and
scout out a few more step ups.

Have I got the time?

At this rate,
you can scout Peru.

Good luck.

Sawyer: Thanks.

I'll see you in a bit.

Richmond: Morning to you.

What?

Oh.

Ah, I thought we lost
you this morning.

Nah, I was out and about
at the cr*ck of dawn.

Egyptian history has
always fascinated me.

In fact, I might even
do a piece right here

at hatshepsut's temple.

Shouldn't you be
concentrating on Deborah

and the movie instead of
ancient Egyptian kings?

Michael, you have not
been reading your guidebook.

This is the temple
of queen hatshepsut.

In the valley of the kings?

Richmond: She was considered
one of the better pharaohs

of ancient Egypt, the
throne, the crown,

even wore a ceremonial
beard, the works, a pharaoh

with all the trimmings, but
very definitely a woman.

I feel sorry for her producer.

Yeah, Betty gave her
whatever she wanted.

Are you referring to
hatshepsut or Deborah Grant?

To me, they are
pretty much alike,

both powerful ladies, world
at their feet, so to speak.

Hatshepsut, she knew what
she wanted, and she took it.

Grant fought hard
to get where she is.

When does the fighting stop?

When is she going
to be satisfied?

When she's pharaoh?

Excuse me, are you traveling
aboard one of the cruise ships

by any chance?

Yeah, I'm on the
"Alexander the great."

We've docked in
Luxor for the day.

Oh, sorry, ace Evans.

Jason Matthews.

Ace: Nice to meet you.

With the upper Egypt
restoration authority.

Ace: Ah, restoring all of upper
Egypt must be quite a job.

Well, we try to take
one monument at a time.

And my next monument is
some distance up river.

Any room among the tourists
for a dusty archaeologist?

Well, we're booked
solid right now,

but somebody might have
checked off here at Luxor.

Listen, why don't you come
by to see what we can do?

Great.

I'll collect my
gear, see you aboard.

Great!
Cool.

Thanks.

[Music playing]

Chris?

Chris?

Come with me.

I've got a better idea.

But the bus to the ship.

You can catch a
bus in the states.

How often can you find this?

Ride along the nile
before we go back?

Oh, Chris, i--

my treat.

Here, let me help you out.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Oh!

Oh, Craig would never
do something like this.

Well, he doesn't
know what he's missing.

I had a wonderful time today.

I [inaudible].

Well, thank you.

I enjoyed it to really.

How old are you now?

Now?

Right this very minute, I am .

I have a son, next year.

Thank you for a
wonderful day, Adam.

It's not over yet.

Will you join me
for dinner tonight?

[Music playing]

Hey, doc, doc,
listen, I just found out

that this thing on your
arm is called a cartouche.

Well, thanks for
telling me, Isaac,

I'll have it removed just
as soon as we get home.

No, no, joke.

Really, it's like a
famous name, and it

must have been a
very popular one

because I saw the same cartouche
on the sarcophagus down in .

Probably the ancient Egyptian
equivalent of Smith or Jones.

Eh, excuse me, goph.

Hmm?

Would you please put this in
your safe till we get to aswan?

I'm going to have it appraised.

Appraised?

Ok, doc, I'll put
it right in there

right next to your I love
Paris pillow and your statue

of Liberty clock.

Well, I think if we
do something-- hello,

miss Grant, how was your day?

Hot, dusty, barren,
take your choice.

Did my dinner arrive
from Alfredo's in Rome?

Not that I'm aware of.

Yeah, I'll be dining
with you tonight then.

The whole day has been
a writeoff anyway.

[Music playing]

Hi, honey.

Hey, hi, how was your day?

Find any bestsellers?

Nothing.

Nothing exceptional, I just--

a science fiction piece by
someone who obviously saw

"star wars" a time too many.

This is one of those
glamorized sex novels.

Oh, do you have any ideas?

Maybe tomorrow in
edfu, you can take

a break long enough
to help me translate

some erotic hieroglyphics.

Hieroglyphics?

No, listen, if I can't, maybe
that ex-student of yours

can help you.

Contributing to the
delinquency of a minor, eh?

I think the pta would
frown on that one.

Well--

[inaudible]

Whatever, whatever.

[Music playing]

Good evening, ladies and
gentleman, dinner is now being

served in the dining room.

That's right, steak,
medium, and a pot

of black coffee, cabin
, but that would

be in the hall outside .

Thank you.

Is there a chance that
Tom Selleck might be a Mark

Antony when you do Cleopatra?

Vicki, if I do Cleopatra,
which at this moment

seems extremely
doubtful, the prospect

of spending six months this
far from rodeo drive, well--

oh, I believe you have missed
the charm of Egypt, miss Grant.

You've got a point.

If there's charm
here, I missed it.

Evening.

Good evening.

Is that seat taken?

Oh, Mr. Richmond,
won't you please?

As a matter of fact,
we are expecting someone.

Well, I'll just sit here
until your guest arrives.

Please do.

Oops, oh, I seem to
have spilled my wine.

I am so sorry.

I'm-- I'm sure it was just
an accident, Mr. Richmond.

No, no, think nothing
of it, Mr. Sawyer.

Well, I'll have
to excuse myself.

Enjoy your meal.

Ah, now, where was I?

Ah, the charm of Egypt.

The guy over at
the table, is he

the guy you were talking
with this afternoon when

I was checking in,
the one with the ankh?

Yeah, uh, Adam bricker,
the ship's doctor.

Why?

I'm with restoration.

That's the undercover branch
of the Egyptian antiquities

commission.

We've had reports of a
ring trafficking in stolen

artifacts in this very area.

Yeah, but you don't
think that doc--

- goodnight, Isaac.
- Goodnight, doc.

Miss barton,

no, Isaac, not
doc, miss barton.

I have every reason to
believe she's one of them.

You look like you
could use some company.

So I thought a bottle of
wine and a couple of glasses.

Are you sure you're
old enough to drink?

Now, don't make
my age a crime.

From where i'm
sitting, it is a crime.

Well, just between
you and me, you

are the youngest lady on board.

And just between you
and me, how much have

you had to drink tonight?

You shouldn't put
yourself down like that.

Habit, I guess,
defensive measure.

You have nothing to
be defensive about.

Your husband is
a very lucky man.

I'll remind him of that.

If you don't, I will.

Deal.

Well, nabil, I don't think
you need me to tell you

what a well-run ship this is.

Well, you know me.

If there's something to
worry about, I worry.

About this morning,
for instance, i--

I didn't realize that you and
Mrs. Branigan were involved.

Involved?

Oh, no.

Not since college, well,
not since frank, actually.

The three of us
were inseparable.

And once she started dating him,
well, anyway, frank was about

the best friend I've ever had.

Helen obviously is the
only one who misses him.

We're just two old friends
who share some fond memories,

nothing more.

[Music playing]

Oh, hey, hey, wait a minute,
let me help you with that.

Where are you going?

Mr. Abdul, in .

Thanks.

Ahh.

Mr. Abdul, um--

[door knock]

Anyone alive in there?

[Scream]

Easy, goph, it's me.

Of course that's you.

Who else could it be?

Doc, Mr. Abdul, no es en casa.

Doc, you'll never
believe what I just heard.

Not now, Isaac!

The mummy's curse has
claimed its first victim.

The guard isn't at
his post, probably just

took a turn around the deck.

Tell that to the baked potato.

Isaac: Hey, gopher, ease up.

Now, doc is right.

Now, just take this tray, and
put it down here on the chair,

and he'll show up.

Man, you are letting
your imagination

get the best of you.

Oh.

Can I go with you?

[Music playing]

Announcer: Welcome to
edfu, the site of one

of Egypt's best
preserved temples.

Horse-drawn
carriages are waiting

to take you to the temple
of Horace, the falcon god.

[Music playing]

[Camera shutter]

Ace: Great!

Ok, now let's see the profile.

That's it.

Chin up just a little bit.

Oh, beautiful.

Ok, now here we go.
Let's see the cape.

Bring it around.

That's it, fantastic.

It's beautiful.

Ok, now right in to the lens.

Come on, real sexy, real
hot, right into the lens.

Here we go.

Come on, into the lens.

Enough is enough.

Michael, it is hot.

It is dusty.

It's depressing.

I've had just about enough.

Maybe something cool
to drink, Deborah.

Only if it's a
Martini with an olive.

Deborah.

Listen, I've had
enough history.

I've had all I can take.

You better find yourself
a new Cleopatra.

Ace, help me get my things.
- Deborah.

Deborah?

[Music playing]

If you guys have any
miracles left over,

I sure could use one about now.

Hi.

Whoa!

Whoa, hold still my heart.

Whatever possessed you
to get her for your remake

in the first place?

Well, I needed financing.

The financiers needed insurance,
and their idea of insurance

was getting the biggest
name in movies today.

Deorah Grant.

Without her, the film is dead.

Cleopatra's barge will not sail.

I've got an idea, a little
scheme that just might do us

both some good.

You game?

Come Horace, fill my
breast with life eternal.

I offer myself to you.

Take me, Horace.

I live only to serve you.

Yes, Horace.

Where did you get this?

I translated the ceremony
from the ancient Egyptian,

syllable by syllable.

It took me weeks, but
I thought it would be

fun to read it in his temple.

Greg got the idea.

It was silly, but maybe it was.

Thanks for reading it with me.

This Horace must
have some character.

Oh, he was.

He was god of the
sun and the planets,

definitely an overachiever.

I like the part best where
it says, I offer myself to you.

Take me.

It's a rough translation.

And I put them together.

She's old enough to be his--

high school teacher.

Well, better luck next hunk.

I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to do that.

Listen.

I wanted to, but--

it was no one's fault.
One of those things.

I think it's best if we
just, you know, forgot it.

Oh, woo!

You know, this place is more
like a maze than a temple.

Yeah, but you know
what, [inaudible],,

I'll give you maps here
or something so you

can find your way around.

A guy could get lost in here.

Not me though.

My mom used to tell me I had
a built-in compass, always

used to sleep facing north.

So maybe you just better
stick with me, ok?

Stick close, and [inaudible].

Isaac, all right,
quit playing around.

Isaac!

Isaac.

Ok, all right.

Just get a hold of myself here.

This is the temple.

It's not Dracula's castle.

[Music playing]

[Slam]

[Groan]

[Sigh]

Oh, thank you, merrill.

This has been the best
day I've had since, well,

in a very long time.

It's as though
we picked up where

we left off a year or two ago.

You were my first
serious crush, you know?

Aha.

I always thought you
looked like Troy donahue.

Well, I'm afraid now it's
a little bit more like Kojak.

[Laugh]

Who loves you, baby?

[Camera shutter]

Ah, another souvenir
from scenic edfu.

Hmm.

I'm sorry.

I'm not.

Well, I better get on board
before my crew realizes they

don't need me for anything.

It's every captain's
secret fear.

I'll see you for dinner tonight.

[Music playing]

Enjoying your stay?

Oh, yes, better
than I ever imagined.

I'm even learning the
language, [speaking arabic]..

Where is the nearest shade?

You are starting with
the most useful phrases.

Mhm.

It promises to be a lovely
sunset on the river tonight.

Perhaps we could, uh,
watch it from the deck

with a cool drink,
compliments of the management?

Oh, well, thank you, but,
oh, I'm not used to all

this walking, oh, the blisters.

Maybe I could have a rain check.

A rain check, in Egypt?

I pray I won't have
to wait that long.

[Laugh]

Isaac: Gopher, hey,
goph, hey, this

is no time for hide and seek.

Gopher, gopher,
where are you, man?

Gopher.

Gopher, what happened, man?

Gopher.

Oh, Isaac, there you are, man.

I guess we're not
lost after all.

[Music playing]

Driver, shouldn't we have
reached the boat by now?

Very soon, very soon.

It's the boat's whistle.

They're leaving, and
I'm not on board.

Driver!

Thought you might
enjoy a personally-guided

tour of edfu before we go back.

What I would
like, Mr. Richmond,

is to be back on that
boat immediately.

Anything you say.

But I have done a
lot of these cruises,

and you can take it
from me, that whistle

we got at least another hour.

[Whistle]

You missed it.

I'm sorry.

I-- I could have sworn that
whistle meant we had at least

another hour.

Hey, I only arranged
this personal tour

to try and make amends.

Oh, in a pig's eye.

You wanted me to miss that boat.

Now, what good would
that do either one of us?

The last thing in
the world I need

is to get further
on to your bad side.

That is no longer possible.

[Music playing]

[Theme music]