09x16 - Hello, Emily/The Tour Guide/The Winning Number

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Dionne Warwick: ♪ love ♪

♪ love, exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love is
life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be
making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Uh, excuse me.
I'm Kirby Heywood.

I hate to bother you,
but I've just lost my mother.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I lost my grandmother
a couple of years ago,

so I know what
you're going through.

No, I think what he means
is he just can't find her.

Oh! Oh.

Kirby, I hope she didn't get
on the wrong ship.

Honey, the only other ship
in port is a tuna boat.

I'm sure she'll find us
before we sail.

Look -- look.
Just to be safe,

I'm gonna go back down
and look.

You wait here until, uh,
in case she shows up, okay?

Don't worry, miss. We've never
lost a passenger yet.

Well, there was that time
in mazatlán, sir.

We never lost a passenger.

Right. Excuse me.

Not a paying passenger.

We'd like to welcome you
aboard the pacific Princess.

We're very pleased that you
decided to take our guided tour.

Look. I know you've got
a terrific speech all prepared,

but I wanna go to my cabin.
I had prune juice for breakfast.

Oh, oh.

No problem.
We're in aloha to .

We just take the elevator
down five decks.

Well, if you do that, you'll
end up in the engine room.

-I suggest two decks up.
-Thank you, sir.

Um,
this is my first cruise.

I-I guess
I'm a little nervous.

Ah, well,
please, call me Isaac,

and I'm sure
you'll do all right.

I hope so.

I'm Donna Louise belford.

Ah. Well, Donna,
welcome aboard.

And, uh, ladies,

if there's anything
I can do to make your trip

more comfortable, please,
uh, just call on me.

You could let us go
to our cabins

before the cruise is over.

Yes, ma'am.
[ Chuckles ]

This way, ladies.

Everyone is so nice,
aren't they, Emma?

Grow up, Mildred.
They're looking for tips.

Ladies, elevators
are to your left.

Mr. Cobb.

Mr. Cobb.

Wait for me. There.

[ Thud ]

-Ah.
-Oh, boy.

Hey. Looks like you could use
a little bit of help here.

-Oh, thanks.
-Porters, these three here.

Here. Here.

You, uh,
you keep that for your trouble.

$ ?
Sir, I can't accept this.

Oh, sure, you can. Go on.

Keep it.
There's plenty more of that.

We just won
the tri-state lottery.

How about that?
million big ones, huh?

[ Laughs ] Where I used to be
the greenkeeper at the club,

now I've got more relatives
than an arabian prince.

Well, congratulations.

But, uh, sir,
I can't accept this.

It's company policy.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

You know, my hand
used to cramp up like that

before I won the lottery.

Come on, Daryl.
Let's unpack.

Afraid we're going
to have to sail soon.

Perhaps we should call security
to find your mother-in-law.

Oh, wait. There she is.

Thank you for the tour, zorba,
and the tuna.

[ Speaks foreign language ]

Oh, Erin.

Mother, where have you been?

Kirby's been
looking all over for you.

Oh, he's such a fretting Freddy.
Listen.

I've been exploring,
and I ran into an old friend.

Hello.
I'm Emily Heywood.

And I'm captain stubing.
Welcome aboard.

It's such a small world.

You know,
I'm in the trucking business,

and my late husband, Leo, used
to haul zorba's fish to Fresno.

Well, what do you know?

Do you like albacore?

Well, yes.

Oh!

Hold the ramp!
I'm coming on!

Mother, do you realize
you almost missed the boat?

[ Panting ]

Well, Kirby,
I was here plenty of time, dear.

You're the one
who's panting like a sheepdog.

Come on, Karen.
Say bye to the captain.

Bye-bye.

Thank you again!

Oh, gopher,
announce that we're sailing,

and have this filleted.

Hi. Welcome aboard.

[ Horn blows ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh.

-Pretty, isn't it?
-Uh-huh.

Hey, Virginia, I got a idea.

Why don't we send
for the ship's photographer

and have him come down here
and sh**t some sh*ts for us?

-All right.
-Then I can have 'em blown up

and some extra copies made

and send 'em back to the fellows
at the country club.

[ Chuckles ] Ooh, I would
k*ll to see their face

when they see us here
in the lap of luxury. [ Laughs ]

Daryl, I don't think
it's nice to flaunt our money.

Now, why would you want to do
that to your friends?

Well, I don't mean
to the working people. No.

I mean to those big sh*ts,

especially to that
Stewart wayburn.

Well,
is that really necessary?

You know what he
did the other day?

He chewed out Emilio
for getting a drink of water

from the member's
dining room.

That's awful.

You know what he said
when I told him he was wrong?

"My money makes me right."

These people couldn't have
picked a better man

to write to for help.

What people?

Oh, farmers
who are losing their land,

senior citizens
who need operations,

children who are
going hungry.

Virginia, you're putting
a damper on my day.

Well, the fact is there's a lot
of sorrow in the world today.

We should use our money
to ease people's suffering.

You know,
I've got a better idea.

Why don't we use our money
to ease our suffering?

Then when we get back,
we can work for humanity again.

You want somethin'
from the bar?

[ Water splashes in pool ]

Here you go, mom.

There's a, uh, lecture
on how to bargain in acapulco.

I just finished contract talks
with the teamsters.

I know everything
about bargaining.

Okay.
Do you know...

Kirby says there's
a bingo game at : ,

and the jackpot's $ .

Well, that's kind of boring.

Uh, sideward! Whoo.

I'm just concerned that
you have a good time, mom.

This is the first time you've
had a vacation since dad d*ed.

Kirby thinks you should get out
and meet some new people.

By people, you mean men.
Ugh.

Listen.
I want to take a break.

I'm wanna save my wrist
for ping-pong.

Come on, you two.

Whoa, now.
Have some fun, okay?

Well, Kirby did want to catch
that lifeboat demonstration.

Well, sure.
Kick up your heels, dear.

If I get bored,
I'll let you know.

I'm coming out now.

-Well, farewell now.
-Okay.

-Don't stay in the sun too long.
-Okay. Bye-bye.

Have fun. You guys are great.
I'll see you later.

[ Sighs ]

Well, hello again,
Mrs. Heywood.

I see you've been
enjoying the pool.

Oh, yeah.
It's so -- so much fun.

It's not really designed
for serious swimming, though.

Well, we have to balance
the needs of many people.

Well, you've done
a wonderful job.

You know,
my Leo used to say,

"when the man at the top
knows his beeswax,

the hive is happy and hummin'."

[ Chuckles ] Thank you.
I appreciate that.

In fact, I'm on my way
to the bridge

to check up
on some of the drones.

The bridge?

Would you mind terribly if I
just went along and took a peek?

Right now?
No, not at all.

You think you'd really
be interested?

Oh, sure. Listen.

I'll just change,
and I'll meet you up there.

I'd love to see how it stacks up
against the cab of a -Wheeler.

Isaac.

Isaac, you'll never believe
what I found in my cabin.

-Basket of fruit.
-Newlyweds.

-Ooh, that's not good.
-I know.

There won't be enough
nectarines to go around.

Isaac, this is serious.

All three of us are booked
in the same cabin,

and I don't think the waverlys
were expecting a roommate

on their honeymoon.

Okay, okay. Let me see what I
can find out over here, okay?

Uh, Shirley, can I have
the cabin availabilities?

Donna, I knocked on your door,

and a man answered, wearing
silk pajamas and cheap Cologne.

What kind of a tour
are you running?

Well, there's been
a slight mix-up.

I'll be moving to another cabin.

I'm afraid not.
We have a full house.

What am I gonna do?

Why don't you just
move in with me?

-Oh, there you go.
-Oh, no.

I don't want
to inconvenience you.

There's no inconvenience.
Emma can move in with Vera.

Not on your life.
Vera snores.

All right, then Vera can
move in with Marjorie.

She has her vaporizer
going all night.

She'll never notice.

Ah, there. See? Things have
a way of working out.

Ms. Belford.

My name is Brandon Cobb.

She can't talk now.

We've got minutes
to move everyone.

Otherwise, we miss
our complimentary cocktails

in the lounge. [ Mutters ]

Virginia.

Hey.

[ Grunts ]

You know, I've been
thinking I don't think

I'm gonna go back to that job
at the country club.

Daryl, you're not serious.

Oh, I am. We don't need
the money anymore.

And, well, years

is a long time for a man
to be raking out sand traps.

Oh, I think I've replaced
my last divot.

Won't you miss the guys
at the club?

Oh, I'll just join.

-Join the club?
-Why, sure. Why not?

I can play gold
whenever I want to,

and you can come visit me

without using
the service entrance.

If we wanna go swimmin',

we don't have to get in the car
to change. [ Chuckles ]

Oh, I don't know.

Well, I know.
So let's have a celebration

if we can find some service
around here.

Waitress.

Waitress! Waitress!

Daryl.
Can't you see she's busy?

I got $
that says she isn't.

Waitress!

♪♪

Well,
that's the pacific Princess,

all feet of her.

You sure we didn't miss
anything?

Oh, I'm sure.

In fact, we've been to parts of
this ship that I've never seen.

You know, my favorite part
was the engine room --

man and machinery
working in perfect Harmony.

Yeah. Well, I've enjoyed
your company.

If you'll excuse me, I've got
some work to do in my office.

I'll see you at dinner,
then.

Dinner?

We will be having dinner
tonight, won't we?

Oh, yeah. Yes. Of course.

The...captain's table.

The captain's table?

Oh, I didn't expect that we
would be having dinner together.

I just assumed
we'd be eating tonight.

Oh. [ Laughs ]

That's wonderful.

Then I won't have
to be a third wheel

at Karen and Kirby's table.

Well, I'll see you then.
Seating is at : .

Terrific! That'll give me time
to try sh**ting skeet.

Skeet aren't living things,
are they?

No, no. [ Chuckles ]

They're -- they're made
out of Clay.

Good. Then I won't mind
blowing 'em away.

♪♪

A day in acapulco wouldn't
be complete

without a trip
to the quaint shopping district,

where eager-to-bargain shoppers
hate to take "no" for an answer.

I think they're overreacting.
[ Laughs ]

Donna, I think the slides
are out of order.

Uh, don't worry.
I'll take care of it.

[ Switch clicks ]

Now, why are we looking
at slides of things

that we're going
to be seeing tomorrow anyway?

Well, I suppose it's
because we may not be

able to get to some of
the more out-of-the-way places.

Why wouldn't we be able to?

I bet it's because they think
we can't climb stairs

or walk a long way.

Oh. I can go minutes
at a time.

[ All speaking at once ]

Okay, ladies. Um,
I think they're in order now.

What's the title of this show,

the acapulco you could've seen
if you were years younger?

You're absolutely right.
The slide show's been a mistake.

But I'm sure they have
some really fun activities

planned for you this evening.

Just let me check.

Uh, okay.
The only thing scheduled

is a dance in the lounge.

All right. Let's go!

Come on. Let's boogie.

-Come on.
-Okay. Okay.

[ Laughter ]

[ Piano playing light jazz ]

What's the matter? You're not
getting seasick, are you?

No.
It just tastes fishy.

Fishy? Fishy?
Well, we'll see about that.

Waiter. Oh, waiter.

Waiter.

There's something wrong
with my wife's dinner,

and I want
it sent back immediately.

Honey, it's okay.
I can eat it. It's --

no, no. It is not okay.
Now, look.

I'm spending a lot of money
on this ship,

and it seems to me
that my wife

could order a fish dinner
without it tasting fishy.

When I see your waiter,
I'll tell him.

Hi. I'm Adam bricker,
the ship's doctor.

Well, what are you doing dressed
like a waiter anyway?

Going to my table.

You know, my husband Leo

used to make a sauce
just like this for trout.

Made it taste
just like pork chops.

[ Laughter ]

Do you like to cook,
Ms. Heywood?

Oh, yes.

But Leo was really the Rembrandt
of the kitchen.

I always find that a man
who likes cooking is really

artistic and sensitive.

Oh, my father loves to cook.

Oh?

Well, I just dabble in it.

Oh, a man has to eat, you know?

Well, don't be modest, merrill.

Your Chinese new year's dinner
was a feast.

Yes.

Well, a wok,
some stir-fried vegetables.

Nothing to it.

Ha.

Had the lychee nuts
imported from Shanghai.

Well, my, my, my, captain.

You're a man
of many interests.

[ Chuckles ]

I'm surprised some woman
hasn't snapped you up by now.

Well, I have had my chances.

But, uh, my obligations
are to the ship,

to the sea,
the maritime brotherhood.

Right.
Oh, come on.

Even Jacques cousteau
got married.

I mean,
aren't you lonely sometimes?

Lonely?

Well...i have my crew and Vicki
to keep me company.

Right, guys?
Oh, yeah.

Right. You bet. Right.

♪♪

[ Disco music playing ]

This almost makes up
for the slide show,

doesn't it, Mildred?

-It sure does.
-[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Ms. Belford.

Oh, Mr. Cobb.

You remembered my name.

Yes.
I'm very good with names.

Call me Brandon.

I'm Donna.

Look, Donna.
It's awfully noisy in here.

-Why don't we --
-Donna, we need you.

Vera has either invented
a new dance step,

or she's thrown
her back out again.

[ Coins clattering,
indistinct conversations ]

red, the winner.

Oh, boy. Look at this.
Hey, will you...Let's go.

I've always been
lucky on the wheel.

Hi, miss.
How are you?

-Good evening.
-I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to, uh, I'm gonna
put, uh, $ , on number .

Oh, I'm sorry, sir,

but there's a $ limit
on all bets.

Huh. Talk about a great way
to k*ll an evening.

Dear, didn't you hear
what the lady said?

You can still play as long
as you bet within the limits.

For a measly $ ?

You might as well
play for matchsticks.

What seems to be the trouble
here, Mr. Wilcox?

What seems to be the trouble?
Well, I'll tell you.

I was under
the mistaken impression

that this was
a first-class ocean liner.

That's what seems
to be the trouble.

[ Scoffs ] $ limit.
What a joke.

Daryl, please.

Virginia, come on.
Let's go to the room.

We'll plan a real vacation for
when we get off of this canoe!

Virginia, what is
this silent treatment anyway?

My mother told me
never to talk to strangers.

And right now, that's exactly
what you seem like --

a stranger.

Listen.
We're in a whole new ballpark,

and we can't let
anybody shove us around.

Daryl,
your behavior is ridic--

good evening, Mr. Wilcox.
I think you should know, sir,

that we have had several
complaints about your behavior

since you boarded the ship.

Oh, is that so?

Daryl!

Listen, young man.

Anytime I'm engaged
in money matters,

I don't mind ruffling
a few tail feathers.

I don't care a bit.

Sir, we are taught on this ship

that the passenger
is always right.

You are pushing that rule.

I am right.

And the reason I'm right is
because my money makes me right.

-Come on.
-Oh! Daryl.

[ Ballad ends ]

[ Applause ]

Listen.
If you'll excuse me a minute,

captain, I'm gonna go over
and talk to that bandleader

and see
if he knows any reggae.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Adam. [ Sighs ] I've gotta do
something about Mrs. Heywood.

You're right.
She's a lovely one.

Wouldn't wanna let her
get away.

No. You missed the point.

You know, it's two years
since her husband d*ed.

She's still very vulnerable.

What could be more perfect?
I say you make your move.

You don't understand.

You know, sometimes,
these uniforms make women think

we're heroic,
romantic figures.

That's why I'm working here.

[ Sighs ] Adam, it's obvious
that you and I

are not tuned into life
on the same frequency.

Now, I know what
she's looking for.

I just have to tell her
that I'm not interested

in anything serious.

Lighten up, merrill.
It's only a -day cruise.

Well, I'll just tell her
she's a sweet, wonderful person

and let her down easy.

Merrill, you're a Saint.

And, uh, I'm a sinner.

♪♪

All right.
Where you hiding 'em?

Hiding who?

Those little old ladies
that seem to appear every time

we try and talk.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, they're all
safely tucked away

in their beds.

Wonderful.

We can finally get
better acquainted.

I want to know
all about you,

beginning with why you're
babysitting the golden oldies.

It's a long story.

I'm in no rush.

Well, um...

It all began
when I was years old

and I won
little miss baked goods

beauty pageant.

And from then on,
it was one pageant after another

until I met Craig.

-Craig?
-My ex-husband.

Oh.

We met when I was reigning
miss steel belted radials,

and he was the emcee
at the pageant.

We were very happy
until he went off

to crown miss
user-friendly software and...

And never came back.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Anyway, there I was on my own,
and I tried to get a job.

But it's not easy

when your only skill
is looking good in a tiara.

But you succeeded.

[ Giggles ] I'll be honest
with you, Brandon.

I've been a tour guide
for less than a day,

and I ran out of ideas
before I hit open sea.

Do you think you could have
lunch with me in acapulco?

I'd love to, but i'm
taking my group ashore.

I'll get 'em to give you
some time off.

I can be very charming
if I want to.

I noticed.

Whew.

You -- you have a real
natural feel for the bossa nova.

Tomorrow, we can practice
our spins and our dips.

We'll clear out the dance floor
when we get out there.

Emily, I-I think we need
to have a little talk.

Listen, don't worry.

I'm not gonna shove you
out there until you're ready.

No, please.
This isn't easy.

First of all,

I want you to know
that I think

you're a sweet,
wonderful woman.

Stop right there, merrill.

I know where
this is heading.

You do?

If there's one thing I've
learned to spot in a man's eyes,

it's vulnerability.

Now, I think you're
a wonderful person, too,

but I'm just not ready

to be seriously involved
with somebody.

For-forgive me, but, uh,

I thought it was you
who was after me.

What ever
gave you that idea?

Well, all the attention
you've been giving me

and, uh, the crazy reasons
you come up with

so we can spend more time
together.

Well, like what?

Come on.

You really didn't want to tour
the engine room now, did you?

[ Chuckles ]

Captain,
for your information,

I happen to run
a very successful trucking firm

with a fleet of -wheelers

that can outhaul this tugboat
anytime.

And if I say that I wanna see
the engine room,

it's for professional reasons
only.

Oh. Well, I, uh,
guess I misread the situation.

Well,
I'm sorry that you did.

If you can't accept
my company

without thinking
that I'm after you,

well, I'll just be very happy
to entertain myself

for the rest of this cruise.

And by the way,

your starboard engine
needs a ring job.

♪♪

♪♪

For those of you
who have not yet ventured

into acapulco,
our breakfast buffet

is now being served
on the starlight deck.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Uh, going to breakfast,
merrill?

The word is the fresh
almond croissants are back.

Adam, could I
ask you something personal?

Oh, sure.

When you look into my eyes,
what do you see?

Come here.

Uh, normal pupil dilation,
healthy pigmentation.

Do you see
any vulnerability?

Well, I'm not a specialist.
Why?

Well, last night,
Emily called me vulnerable,

and she accused me
of misreading her intentions,

then she walked out on me.

It seems to me you're
pretty upset about losing

someone you didn't want
in the first place.

No, I'm not upset.

I'm surprised. Yeah.
That's the word -- surprised.

Could it be you're a little
more interested in Mrs. Heywood

than you're willing to admit?

Oh, no. It's not that.

I just wish
she hadn't twisted things so.

And the vulnerability thing.

Do you know our starboard engine
needs a ring job?

What is this, anyway?

I ordered
two eggs sunny side up,

and you -- you broke the yolk.

Is it so difficult to find
two eggs that look alike?

There.
Now they both look alike.

I want to talk to you.

I stayed up all last night
going through these letters.

And I picked out about that
I think really need our help.

Virginia, honey, I am trying
to enjoy my breakfast.

But we always said, if we ever
had money, we'd help people.

Well, I can't carry the weight
of the whole world

on my shoulders.

What do you think
the government's for?

I don't believe my ears.

Well, contrary
to what you may think,

$ million
only lasts so long.

Now, we can blow it
if we're not careful.

Well, before we run out,

I'm going
to take some of your money

and fly back home to Omaha.

Oh, don't worry.
I'll fly coach.

Virginia, wait.

No, you wait.

What I've watched you become
in the past hours

has scared me to death.

I'm going back to our...
Comfortable little home

in our quiet
little neighborhood,

and I'm going to try to forget
that this ever happened.

[ Grunting ]

-Yah!
-Aah!

Oh, that was some move.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Oh. I took this up
when the -- the TV repairman

made a pass at me.

-Ah.
-Next time my set goes out,

you know,
I'll be ready for him.

Well, i'm, uh, I'm glad
I didn't get you any angrier

than I did last night.

Look, uh,
I'd like to apologize

for accusing you
of chasing me.

Well, and I'm so sorry

that I thought the same thing
about you.

But a couple men make approaches
to me since Leo d*ed --

my accountant,
my mortgage broker, my dentist.

I got a free root canal outta
that one.

Well, uh, now that we know
where we each stand,

I hope
we can still be friends.

Oh, I do, too.
I do, too.

So, well, we're, uh, going
to acapulco this afternoon?

You're not asking me
for a date.

Oh, no, no. No, no.

I'm just asking you
as an interested friend.

Well, yes. I was gonna
do a little shopping.

Yeah, me, too.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Well, you know,
we could take the same cab.

That'd save money.

Right. Right.
And I know the town.

So, uh, perhaps you'd like to,
uh, you know, just,

uh, tag along and --

I have a map, you know.
But it's all in Spanish.

So yeah,
that would be a good idea.

Great. I'll, uh,
meet you on the launch.

This is much more fun
than dating, isn't it?

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

It's all worth it when you see
a car that started as a sketch

on a napkin rolling
off the assembly line.

You really love your work,
don't you?

It's all I've ever
wanted to do.

I'm sorry. I've been talking
your ear off, haven't I?

No, no, no.
I-I'm enjoying myself.

You're so easy to talk to.

I don't meet many women
that are interested in my work.

Actually, I don't meet
many women period.

[ Chuckles ]
I find that hard to believe.

I spent so much time trying
to get a leg up at the company

that I haven't got much time
for a social life.

Well, at least you accomplish
what you set out to do.

As a matter of fact,
I'm two years younger

than Lee iacocca was when
he designed his first car.

[ Bell tolling in distance ]

Oh, my god.

-Well, it's not that big a deal.
-Brandon, look at the time.

We were supposed to meet
the ladies at the museum

an hour ago.

♪♪

Mr., uh, wilcox,
this is ace Evans.

He's gonna help you out.

Gopher, uh --

hey. You wanna be
an assistant purser,

you gotta involve yourself
in your passengers' lives.

Excuse me.

Uh, Mr. Wilcox,

i-I'm sorry about your wife.

She says
that money changed me.

Well, money could do that.

How would you know?

Well, my, uh, my --

my family's worth
over $ million.

That'd do it.

Yeah.

You see, Mr. Wilcox,
you can accomplish a lot

of wonderful things
in the world with money.

But you don't want to let
your wealth do to you

what it did to my uncle.

-Your uncle?
-Mm-hmm.

What's he like?

Oh, he's stingy.

He's opinionated,
rude to waiters.

Oh, he sounds awful.

Sounds like me.

Oh, you think so?

I'll bet you weren't
like that before.

Up to a couple of weeks ago,
I was a pretty nice guy.

I bet that nice guy
wouldn't sit still

and let his wife fly
back to Omaha, hmm?

I'll see you around.

Really? Nonsense.

I think your Spanish
is just wonderful.

Well, being able to say
"huevos rancheros"

doesn't mean I'm bilingual.

Oh, but the way
you said to the cabbie,

"vámonos al puerto"...

There you are. I was beginning
to worry about you two.

-Well, we had a full day.
-I'll tell the world.

Well, I'm gonna go
and freshen up.

Uh, hasta luego,
El capitán.

Adios, señora.
[ Laughs ]

-Adam, help.
-Huh?

I'm exhausted.

We covered every bumpy inch
of that city.

-Well, sounds like fun.
-No. We even rode mopeds.

Uh, I'll help you
to your cabin, sir.

Thanks. I don't want

any of the passengers
to see me in this condition.

Excuse me.

Virginia!

Virginia!
Oh, am I ever glad

they caught up with you
at the airport.

All right. I'm here.

But I'm warning you,
I'm booked on the next flight.

So this better be good.

Well, I just
wanted to give you this.

You had me paged
and brought back by cab

so that you
could give me one Rose?

Isn't that a little understated
for a big spender like you?

Don't you remember when I used
to tell you I was sorry

with just a single Rose

because I couldn't afford
any more?

I remember.

But what does it mean now?

The same thing.

I'm still the same man.

Oh, Daryl.

I'd like to believe that.

Well, I'll prove it to ya.
You watch.

Uh, it's...
I'll get those for ya.

Come on. Come on.
I'll prove it to you.

-Gopher.
-Mm-hmm?

Where's the captain?
I need to speak with him.

Oh, he's kinda busy
right now.

We're getting ready to sail.

We can't.
My ladies aren't on the ship.

Why not?

I was late picking them up
from the museum.

When I got there,
there was no sign of them.

I looked all over town.

My last hope was that
they came back to the ship,

-but they're not aboard.
-You're sure about this?

Of course I'm sure.
We have to wait for them.

I can't delay passengers
for latecomers.

-Please.
-Ms. Belford,

I know this tour group.

I'm sure that
they are perfectly capable of

arranging ground transportation
to our next stop.

I hope so.

I'd sure hate to pick up
a milk carton

and find their pictures
on it.

♪♪

What do you feel like,
a little backgammon?

Bingo?

Bridge?

Necking in a sauna?

I know you're trying
to cheer me up,

but it just won't work.

Donna,
punishing yourself is silly.

I'm sure those ladies
are fine.

I should've been on time.

Leading a tour
isn't a hard job,

but I couldn't do it.

I'm no good at anything.

That's not true.
You're a great listener.

I'm talking about a job,

Brandon, something I can do
for the rest of my life.

So am I.

Donna, I've been thinking about
something since last night.

That lunch today convinced me
that I'm doing the right thing.

Will you marry me?

Sharing an enchilada

is hardly the basis
for a lifetime commitment.

Donna, this is no joke.

I want you to be my wife.

I like you, Brandon,

but I'm not sure I want to rush
into another marriage.

Well,
I wish I had more time,

but I have to get married
very soon.

Why?

Mr. Mason said so.

And who is Mr. Mason?

The chairman of the board.

And he made it very clear
that he wants

all of his top executives
to be happily married.

If I'm gonna get my promotion
before the model year is over,

then my wedding better come
before the spring ad blitz.

Looks like
you're in a bind.

Donna,
this just isn't for me.

This tour guide fiasco

should've taught you that you
are not cut out for a career.

Believe me, it has.

It seems to be
a pretty clear choice.

Would you rather be
cooling your heels

in the unemployment line

or playing tennis
at the country club?

-I don't play tennis.
-You'll learn.

Donna, I'm not gonna beg.

All right.
Well, maybe just a little.

You don't have to.

I'll give it
some very serious thought.

Fair enough.

You know, I've never met
anyone like Emily before.

She's tireless --
windsurfing, snorkeling.

We even climbed the cliffs
to watch the divers.

Oh, you only watched?

You didn't try a few dives
just for fun?

Oh, she -- she wanted to,
but I wouldn't hold her purse.

Aha.

Well, this'll take down
the swelling in your feet.

You know, Adam,
I never realized

what a wonderful place
acapulco is.

It's so...Sunny,

so...friendly,

so full of life.

You're either hallucinating
from exhaustion,

or you really like
this woman.

Well, I'll tell you this --
she can fill a day.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in!

Oh, excuse me. Merrill,
do you own roller skates?

Uh, no.

That's okay.
It's just a thought.

See you in the lounge.

[ Door closes ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have temporarily slowed down

to pick up
some late-arriving passengers.

Thank you. [ Chuckles ]

What a pleasure cruise.
I'm wet, cold and tired.

Emma, put a sock in it.

Oh, thank goodness
you're all right.

I've been so worried about you.

Can you ever forgive me
for missing you at the museum?

Oh, there's nothing
to apologize for.

But you must've been frantic
when I didn't show up.

We -- we were upset at first,

but Carlos took such good care
of us,

we -- we forgot all
our troubles.

Who's Carlos?

-He's Raul's brother.
-Oh.

Both: He's gorgeous.

I'll say.

All we really need is a hot bath
and a change of clothes.

Oh, of course.

[ Chuckles ]

Wait! Who's Raul?

You know, I've been going
through all those letters,

letter after letter
after letter,

trying to figure out
which one I'm gonna help first.

And I have found the one.

There's a young fella that
has a little wife and a dog

and a pretty little house
up in the canyon,

and he lost the whole thing
in a fire.

So I am going to help him
get started.

That's wonderful, Daryl.
What made you change?

Well,
I was having this talk

with this nice young fella
richer than us,

and he said to me

that our life was never
going to be the same,

but we don't have
to change.

[ Chuckles ] That's good,

because it took me years
to get used to the old Daryl.

Ah.

♪♪

You ladies
had quite an adventure.

-Yeah.
-We sure did.

Um, I-I would
appreciate it if --

if you didn't mention
any of this to the line.

Oh, nonsense.

When we get back,
we're going to call your boss

and tell him what
a great tour guide you are.

I left you stranded
in a foreign country.

That hardly gets you into
the tour guide hall of fame.

So you made one mistake.

We all still think
you're terrific.

[ Exhales ]

Ladies, I-I don't know
what to say.

Just say, "thank you"
so we can all go have some fun.

[ Chuckles ] Thank you.

[ Laughter ]

You're welcome.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,
the international lounge

is proud to present
the mermaids!

[ "Neutron dance" playing ]

♪ Woo, ooh ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪♪

♪ I don't want to take it
anymore ♪

♪ I'll just stay here locked
behind the door ♪

♪ just no time
to stop and get away ♪

♪ 'cause I work so hard
to make it every day ♪

♪♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪ and it's hard to say ♪

♪ just how some things
never change ♪

♪ and it's hard to find ♪

♪ any strength
to draw the line ♪

♪ oh, I'm just burning,
doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm just burning,
doin' the neutron dance ♪

Donna. Been looking
all over for you.

Got a wonderful surprise.

It's a little rough,
but I know you're gonna love it.

Oh, you've drawn me
a tiny car. How nice.

It's the mandela, you know,
the car I designed.

I'm having it made
into an engagement ring for ya.

Oh, Brandon, we won't be
needing an engagement ring.

Oh, don't worry about the cost.
I got an uncle in the business.

No, um, what I'm trying to say
is I can't marry you.

I've decided
to keep my job.

Donna, be realistic.
You're no good at it.

That's not true.

I'm new at it.

I still have
a lot to learn,

but I know,
with a little hard work,

I'll be
a terrific tour guide.

And I already wired
the good news to Mr. Mason.

You sure
I can't change your mind?

I'm sure.

This job has given
an opportunity

to use something other
than my looks to get ahead,

and...i like the way
that makes me feel.

Well, maybe it's a good thing
we didn't rush into this.

Divorce would be very bad
for my career.

♪ I'm just burning,
doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪♪

♪ I'm just burning,
doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I know there's a pot of gold
for me ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ all I got to do is just
believe ♪

♪ believe, believe, believe, ♪

♪ I'm so happy doin'
the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm so happy
doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm just burning,
doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm just burning,
doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

I'm so happy doin'
the neutron dance!

[ Song ends,
cheers and applause ]

I hope I'm not violating
our no-dating rules

by telling you
how much I enjoyed today.

Oh, I think the judges
would accept that.

You're a lot of fun, too,
you know.

Why, thank you.

-[ Sighs ]
-I bet Leo was a fun guy.

He had to be
to keep up with you.

Oh, Leo. He was a hoot.

He wasn't really
the adventurous type, though.

You know, he never
would've tried windsurfing.

Well, I won't again.

But you tried it once.
I like that about you.

You know, I'm glad
you and I became good friends

after we cleared up
our intentions.

Yes.

It's a shame
that the cruise is ending

just as we're really
getting to know each other.

-You know, I was wondering...
-Yes?

What it'd be like to dive
off the back of the ship here.

Right now?

Oh, no, merrill.
Don't be silly.

I would never do it
while the ship's moving.

I wouldn't advise that.

I-I wouldn't want
you to get hurt.

That's very sweet.

If you'd like to kiss me,

I want you to know
it'd be all right.

I'd like that very much.

You sure you won't mind?

You know,
that's only the second time

I've been kissed
since Leo d*ed.

Which kiss was better?

There's just no comparison.

First time,
I was on novocaine.

[ Both laughing ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I think we ought to hurry,
mother.

-Kirby's waiting in the car.
-I'll just be a minute.

Kirby said that the cabbie's
already started the meter.

I want to say goodbye
to the captain.

But Kirby says if
we don't go straight down,

that we'll lose him.

Well, go then.
Get in the cab.

Tell Kirby to hold the cabbie's
hand so he won't drive away.

[ Sighs ]
Kirby's gonna be furious.

Come see us again.

[ Sighs ] Well, I guess
I'm headed back to the world

of interstate trucking.

Uh, if you ever
come to Fresno,

you've got to promise
that you'll look me up.

I've wanted to see Fresno
for a long time.

-Now I have a good excuse.
-I'll buy you lunch.

We truckers really do know
the best places to eat.

I've had a wonderful time.

Goodbye.

Bye.

You ladies go on.
I'll catch up.

-All right.
-Thanks.

-Bye-bye, ladies.
-Goodbye.

-Thank you for sailing with us.
-Oh, we loved it.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye!

-Bye-bye.
-Gopher.

Customs is to your right
as you get off the gangway.

[ Sighs ] Thanks.
Okay, ladies, remember,

customs is to your right
as you get off the gangway!

Goodbye, gopher.

-Bye-bye.
-Thanks for everything.

-Mm-hmm.
-[ Kisses ]

Young man, it --
it kind of looks to me

like you've got an apology
coming.

Of course.
I kind of lost my head.

Well, besides, I've never been
given $ million before.

Yeah. It hasn't happened to me
that much either.

You know, I've been thinking
and thinking

how I can make up to you.

And, well, I even came up
with a figure of $ , apiece.

But then I had a long talk
with ace,

and he said that
that would never solve anything.

After all, it isn't
the money that matters.

It -- it's the people
in your life.

And we thank you
for reminding me of that.

Don't mention it.

Merrill!

Emily.
Did you forget something?

You're never coming
to Fresno.

That's the kind of thing people
say they'll do but don't.

Well, I would've.
I-I mean it.

I figured the only way
I'd ever see you again

is if I take
another cruise.

And as long as I'm packed,
I might as well do it right now!

That's wonderful.
[ Chuckles ]

You can have the same cabin
if you like.

Oh. I'll go and change
into my bathing suit.

And I'll meet you
on the fantail deck.

Wait.

You're not thinking about doing
that dive off the deck, are you?

No.
I just wanna get some sun.

Pretty happy that I'm back,
aren't you?

Well, it's, uh, always nice
to have a happy customer return.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

♪♪

♪♪