03x21 - When You Wish...

[bunniefuu]

(PLAYS ON TV)

MAN: (ON TV) You're watching Rock TV.

That's right, the other rock video channel.

But we wanna be number one,

and we're willing to pay for it.

So, girls, what's your price?

How about a date with a rock star?

(SCOFFS) Yeah, right.

Any rock star, you pick him, we'll get him,

in Rock TV's Fantasy Contest.

But hold it, maybe your dad won't let you go.

Ah. Too bad. Wait a minute.

We're betting your dad can be had!

Just find out what his secret fantasy is, G rated only,

and we'll make it happen.

He'll be in such a good mood,

he'll forget just how dangerous rock stars really are.

MICHAEL: An R. Just ask for an R.

Don't buy a vowel.

Don't look at Vanna. Just... Just say R.

R. R. R. R. R!

Hey, will you stop barking? It's just a game. Come on.

WOMAN: (ON TV) Onald Eagan... Onald Eagen... (LAUGHS)

Let's see, is there a W?

A W! A W... Wonald Weagan.

What are you, Elmer Fudd?

No more popcorn! Get the feet off the table!

What's goin' on, honey?

Nothing. Hey, what are you doing?

Why don't we just watch something else for a while?

Okay. Here we are, live,

outside the home of a very lucky Rock TV viewer.

I'll get it.

Get what? (PHONE RINGS)

NICOLE: Don't move. Just act normal.

Hey, look at this.

Hi.

Hey, Nick, look at this. There's a girl on TV looks just like you.

And here she is.

We hope you didn't tell your dads, we want to surprise 'em.

They don't have a clue. Great.

Joe! Let me tell you something, Nicole couldn't be on TV.

She's a lot better lookin' than this kid.

Joe!

Hi, ma.

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter what you do

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter where you go

♪♪ I'm standing by your side

♪♪ I'll be right behind

♪♪ No one loves you more than I do

♪♪ Put your hand in mine

♪♪ I can see a part of me in you

♪♪ A little something special that comes shining through

♪♪ I hear it in your laughter

♪♪ And I feel it when you cry

♪♪ I will be right there for you

♪♪ Until the day I die

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter what you do

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter where you go

♪♪ You can count on me ♪♪

Welcome back. Schuyler Dunne here, with Nicole Bradford

and her two very surprised fathers.

And we'll make their dreams come true,

right here on Rock TV's Fantasy Contest.

I can't believe she knew about this and didn't tell me.

Yeah, well, I'm sure she had a good reason.

You know, it's funny...

You don't realize how big Michael's ears are

until you see them on television.

I saw her this morning. She didn't say a word.

No. It's his head.

He's got a really tiny head.

I don't get it.

I mean, why wouldn't she want to tell me?

I'm sure she had a good reason, Zach.

And as our winner, Nicole gets a dream date

with the rock star of her choice.

(SCOFFS) I was wrong, man. She had a great reason.

Hey, wait a second. Wait. Wait...

What makes you think I'm gonna let my daughter

go out with some rock star?

Because there's something in it for you.

Tell him, Nicole.

See, you let me go because

I got you each a Rock TV Fantasy, too.

I'm sorry, sweetheart. I can't let you do this.

Well, gee, that's a shame, Joey,

because Nicole told us you always wanted

to play professional basketball and

silly us, we went ahead and arranged for the next best thing.

You are gonna play a one on one match

with the legendary Julius Erving.

Doctor J?

Hey, that's... That's great.

Bingo. We bought him.

And Michael, according to Nicole,

you are a great classical pianist.

Well, here's the fantasy of your lifetime.

You are going to give a solo concert on national TV!

Oh... How do you like that?

See, now... Now... That... That's not...

Finish him off, Nicole.

I also get a $5000 college scholarship.

(CHUCKLES) Hey, that is great, sweetheart.

See, kids... Stick with Rock TV.

The channel that knows your parents have a price.

Joe, I've been giving this a lot of thought,

and I have decided, we can't let Nicole go through with this.

Why not? Because she's an impressionable young girl,

and I don't care if the date is chaperoned,

I still can't play piano in front of a million people.

Hey, come on. Hey, look I know all about your stage fright.

You know, but you gotta face this. You gotta be an adult.

Why? 'Cause I wanna play with Doctor J!

Well, why can't I have my other fantasy? Why...

Why... You know, the one where I'm jumping

up and down with Adrienne Barbeau?

Come on, I heard you play the piano. You sound great.

I sweat, Joe. Everybody sweats.

Hey, I'm not talkin' about little beads of perspiration.

I'm talk... You could sail the Queen Mary down my pants.

It happens every time I try to play in public.

You know what? That's the difference between you and me,

you know? I mean, I'm not afraid

to turn my dreams into reality.

What are you talkin' about? You haven't played serious ball in... In years.

Hey, I played varsity ball in high school.

Hey, I happen to know that the only reason

they gave you that letter is 'cause they had an extra one.

MICHAEL: Face it, Joe, we're... We're gonna humiliate ourselves.

JOEY: Hey, not me, sweaty.

NICOLE: Zach, you don't understand.

You think I'm dating a rock star because I want to?

Oh, you're not? No, no. I'm a symbol.

I represent millions of girls out there.

They'll be living out their fantasy through me.

It's an obligation that I do not take lightly.

If you really love me, you'll buy that.

Give me a break.

I'm sorry if you're jealous.

I'm not jealous.

As a matter of fact, I've drawn up a list of rock stars

that I would consider okay by me.

Burl Ives?

k*ller banjo player.

Zach, you have to get over this.

How would you like it if I dated Madonna?

That'd be fine with me.

Okay, maybe I'll give her a call.

Here's a quarter.

Thank you very much.

No.

I can't do that to you. I care too much.

Zach, I only want to meet the guy, not marry him.

So what if he falls in love with you? What then?

Okay... Fine.

Judge, do you think I'm terrible?

Why?

Because you think it would be a great idea to meet some guy

who struts around in ridiculously tight pants

making all sorts of lewd gestures and gyrations?

I'll tell you what.

Switch places with me, I'll buy you a car.

Judge!

Did you ever hear of Bobby Rydell?

Who?

Bobby Rydell.

I heard of Bobby Brown. Who?

You know, he dances and he sings.

You mean like Chubby Checker?

Who? Let's stop this now.

So, tell me about Bobby Rydell.

I was a really big fan.

I was already out of law school

and I still melted like a 12-year-old

every time I heard him sing.

I almost lost a boyfriend at one of his concerts.

And all I did was throw myself over the balcony

and yell, "Bobby, catch."

So... So do you think this is worth risking Zach over?

Judge?

Oh. I'm sorry. (CHUCKLES)

I was in Bobby land.

I think I'll go upstairs

and pull out some of my old 45s.

You collect g*ns?

Don't talk till you're 40.

(ROCK TV THEME PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Whoo!

Schuyler Dunne here, with Nicole Bradford,

and we're all set for tonight's big Rock TV date.

So stay tuned to see who she picked.

Excuse me. Oh, God.

Who are you? I'm Nicole's boyfriend.

Which makes her my woman.

Wait a minute. Is this gonna be like some loud

jealous thing you're gonna do here?

Absolutely. Keep rolling.

Don't do this.

What does any rock star have that I don't?

Money.

Aside from money.

Talent.

Okay, money and talent. But what else?

Driver's license.

I'll miss you, Nicole.

I want to die.

Well, cling to life just a little longer, Nicole.

Because now it's time for your dad to play ball!

Yes, here he is, Joey Harris!

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Joey's dream was to play in the NBA

and tonight, he'll come as close as our budget will allow

when he goes one on one

with the legendary Julius Erving. Doctor J!

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

All right. Whoo.

You guys. Okay, okay, yes.

So... Okay... All right...

Okay, Julius.

First we want to say thanks for helping

make this guy's dream come true.

Oh, I'm happy to do it, Schuyler.

What do you think about your chances against Joey here?

Well, I've been watching Joey practice,

and as a basketball player, Joey...

Joey's a nice guy.

Ah...

What about you, Joey?

Hey... Hey, me, hey, you're talkin' about a guy

who's got a hoop in his living room.

And I'm hittin' 80% from the ottoman.

(LAUGHS) Ottoman? Whoa! Look out, Doc.

Okay, jump ball right here on Rock TV,

after this quick time out.

Okay, get ready, everybody.

Hey, good luck, huh?

Thanks. Okay.

I'll tell ya somethin'. I got a good feeling about this.

This guy's not taking me seriously.

BOTH: No...

I think I can take this guy.

Hi, I'm Michael Taylor.

Hey, how're you doin'? Oh, real good.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Just want to remind you,

you're a doctor, so...

Go easy on him. Don't hurt him.

Don't worry. I'll take it easy. Let him win.

Everybody has a good time,

and he's got something to talk to his grandkids about.

Great. Well, it's just a real pleasure to meet you.

Yeah... See, I'm... I'm just wondering from...

From way up there... Do I look like an ant?

Yes. (LAUGHS)

That's funny.

No, you do.

Hey, Judge... You do.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Play ball!

MAN: Yeah! AUDIENCE: Oh!

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

I own this guy.

(WHISTLES)

AUDIENCE: Oh...

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Time out. Time out.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

All right. Over here, guys. Great game. Great game.

As you know, the first one to score 12 wins,

and Joey, you're up 10 to two.

(PANTING) Are you surprised?

Not really.

I mean, the Doc's been out of the game now a couple of years.

I think, uh, maybe he's a little over the hill, huh?

Might be a little different if it was

Bird, or Jordan or Magic...

You know. Somebody that's at the top of the game.

(LAUGHS) Whoa. Doc? Anything to say?

Yeah, I guess I'll just have to try and play a little better!

Ooh...

We'll be right back.

(ROCK TV THEME PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

And the score is now 10 to four.

Joey Harris versus a revitalized Doctor J.

(CRASHING)

The next basket wins, right?

Hey, look... Can we just... Call it a tie, huh?

Tell me about Magic again.

Magic who?

You win.

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Come on, fantasy man...

Let me show you how to ice down a knee.

Hey, Joey Harris.

You just b*at Doctor J.

Where you goin' now?

I'm goin' to the hospital.

(ROCK TV THEME PLAYING)

And now Rock TV Fantasy, part two,

where Michael Taylor plays piano

live in front of millions of viewers.

(PANTS)

Dad, don't do it.

Nothing is worth seeing you suffer like this.

No, sweetie, you were right. I've always wanted to do this.

And if I don't do it now, I'll always wish I did,

and I'll never respect myself.

Michael, you'll be great.

Hey, you go out there, buddy, and you break a leg.

Huh, huh, huh.

Please welcome, Michael Taylor!

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Michael, you... (CHUCKLES) You look a little nervous.

Well, it's... (CLEARS THROAT) It's not every... Every day

that a guy gets... (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

And so we learn, Nicole,

never touch an electrical appliance with wet hands.

Ah, this... This piece is...

Er, the Ballade in G Minor

by Chopin, Opus 23,

No.1, or, as I like to call it,

the really, really hard one.

(PLAYS PIANO)

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

(WHISTLES) Whoo!

Wonderful. Just terrific.

Michael Taylor, ladies and gentlemen.

Whoo!

Michael Taylor!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING CONTINUES)

Thank you.

(ROCK TV THEME PLAYING)

Okay, Nicole, this is your big moment.

Time to introduce your Rock TV dream date.

Well, Schuyler, I gave it a lot of thought. And...

And here he is...

Oh, God.

You want a rock star, Nicole, this is what you get.

Zach, Zach, don't do this.

You're only gonna humiliate yourself.

Right in this camera.

But this is just an image, Nicole.

What's important is what's underneath all this.

A guy in his underwear who loves you.

Zach, I'm about to announce my mystery date.

And if you don't cut it out, I might change my mind.

Huh?

Tell him, Schuyler.

Okay, Nicole...

It's my pleasure to introduce the rock and roll star

dream date that you chose...

(MUSIC PLAYING)

The one... The only...

Bobby Rydell!

Who?

Bobby...

Bobby...

Is it really you?

Yeah, it's me.

Well, then, it's me!

From the Brooklyn Paramount second balcony. Remember?

You survived the fall.

I bounced off the snare drum and into your arms.

We shared a moment together

until the security guard wrestled me to the ground.

(CHUCKLES)

Boy, those were the days.

Before those darn Beatles.

Who?

Marry me.

See, I already have my dream date...

Sort of. So, Judge,

meet yours.

Oh...

Oh... (CHUCKLES)

I'm too old to have a dream date.

I'm waiting.

Oh, you're not too old. (ALL ENCOURAGING)

Well, uh...

I want to hear it from Bobby.

Hit it!

(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

♪♪ Oh, wild one

♪♪ I'm gonna tame you down

♪♪ Tame you down

♪♪ Ah, wild one

♪♪ I'll get you yet

♪♪ Yeah, yeah ♪♪ You bet

♪♪ Yeah, yeah

♪♪ You little doll all you do is play

♪♪ You got a new baby every day

♪♪ Come on, wild one

♪♪ Be wild about me ♪♪

One more time...

(MUSIC PLAYING)