01x01 - Pilot

Episode transcripts for the TV show "L. A. Law". Aired: September 15, 1986 – May 19, 1994.*
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High-powered law firm of McKenzie, Brackman, Chaney and Kuzak handles both criminal and civil cases, but the office politics and romance often distract them from the courtroom.
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01x01 - Pilot

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- Rick Dees in the
morning, KISS FM.

- Here's your traffic update

Commander Chuck
Stream in Yellow Thunder.

Good morning, Commander.

- I tell you, Rick, it's
really a mess down there

in the north and
southbound harbor freeway,

east and westbound Santa Monica

and also the inbound Hollywood.

Just your basic
gridlock, very typical for

post-Holiday traffic.

- And, Rachel, what did you
do over the Labor day weekend?

- Well, you know, Rick,
how much I hate to drive.

So I spent all
weekend, all three days,

lying by my pool, catching
some rays in the nude.

- Phone keeps
ringing. Let me get it.

Rick Dees, here.

- Hello, Rick.
- Yes?

- This is Jennifer,
the boss's secretary.

- Yes, Jennifer. How are you?

- I'm fine, thank you.

But the boss just wanted
to tell you something.

Okay.

- When you get off the
air, he wants to k*ll you.

- Can't be there. Okay.

- Staff meeting will
probably go past one.

So I pushed your deposition
with Margolis to Thursday.

- Thanks.

- Oh, and don't forget your
2:00 with Lydia Graham.

- Who?

- Friend of Julia Lippincott?
- Oh, yes.

- You're supposed to look
over her settlement agreement.

And remember they're picking
up your car for detailing today.

- Great smell.

God, I hate these buildings.

Air conditioning goes down,
place smells like the inside

of a garbage disposal.

- McKenzie, Brackman,
Chaney and Kuzak.

Arnold Becker.

- Roxanne, get
me that spray stuff.

- One moment. Let
me see if he's available.

- Available, available.

7:30 Tuesday morning available.

Margaret, how was
the long weekend?

Well, I'd have to go
back over the agreement.

But he's got him for
holiday weekends.

Maybe it was
malicious, Margaret.

But getting an injunction?

I know it's the
first day of school.

No, I don't blame
you for worrying.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

He should have had
him home by 6:00.

But, Margaret,
Margaret, to go to court...

Margaret, Margaret.

- Look, if that's
what you want...

- McKenzie, Brackman,
Chaney and...

Oh, good morning, Mrs. Cox.

- Margaret, I'll tell you what.

Let me talk to his lawyer first.

If that doesn't work...

- Let me see if he's available.

- Yes, we'll slap him
with an injunction.

- You can slap him across
the face, for all I care.

Just do it!

- Shirley Cox.
- Morning, Shirley.

- Where the hell have you been?

I'm been trying to
reach you for an hour.

- Shirley, come on.
Give me a break.

It's 7:30 a.m.
- Why aren't you at home?

- Shirley, the reason
I'm not at my house

is because I'm here.

No, I am not
trying to avoid you.

Shirley, yes, I know
he's a fat brown loaf.

But even a fat brown
loaf deserves a sex life.

I agree, not in front of
your nine-year-old son.

Shirley, I'm gonna put you
on hold a minute, sweetheart.

- Don't you put me on hold!

- d*ck, this is not smart!

- Oh, don't d*ck me!

Not after that settlement
you rammed down my throat!

- This is a settlement
that you agreed to.

- Oh, a settlement I
was blackmailed into!

Oh, you took away
everything I hold dear, Becker.

My house, my kids,
my coin collection!

I had to sell my boat!

- What... what
about the Ferrari?

I specifically left it out of
the community property

because I know how
much you love that car.

And, d*ck, we both know
that Louise doesn't know

a dip stick from a garter belt!

- You excluded it
because it's leased!

- d*ck, don't do this.
You're gonna regret it.

- If I spend 20 years in
jail with my pants down

around my ankles,
I will not regret it!

- Do you wanna
call the cops, huh?

You know where to find me?

- I'm calling the police.

- No, don't.

Starter g*n.

- Not about him.
About the smell.

- What smell?

- Mr. Chaney.

I didn't actually touch him.

But I'm pretty sure he's dead.

- If he is, I got
dibs on his office.

- Guy's face was stuck
on the plate like crazy glue.

Nice place to spend the weekend.

- Just button this up
and get him outta here.

Excuse me.

Carmen says he's
been dead over 48 hours.

Could have been a
embolism, maybe his heart.

- It's tragic, isn't it?

One minute you're hip
deep in the tax code.

And the next... muerta.

- Who?

- Norm Chaney. One
of the senior partners.

Kind of makes you want
to stop and sniff the daisies.

Are you all right?

- Would you find
Mr. Brackman for me?

- This is great.

Have you got any idea
how you wanna handle

the Lewis audit?

- I haven't thought
about that yet.

- Now what time was it
you got here in the morning?

- 7:30.
- I wanna get him downtown.

- Sam?
- All yours.

- Well, I could use a
hand. He's stiff as a board.

We're gonna have to
take him out, chair and all.

- Do it.

I'm gonna have to get a
written statement from you.

- Hi.

- What's going on?

- Mr. Chaney's dead.

- Oh, my God.

- I found him.

- Are you Ms. Buckner?

- Yes, sir.

- Your predecessor
was fired for tardiness.

- I'm sorry. The police
kept us in the lobby.

- In my office. I'll
explain your duties.

- Hmm. Strange brew.

- Be still my heart.

- It's John Pregerson.

- I'll call him.

- His son's been arrested again.

- Kuzak in yet?
- No.

- Fine.
- I'm sorry.

Mr. Chaney's secretary
will have to get back to you.

- Guy's so stiff you could
put him in a museum.

Look at this. His
feet are like frozen.

- Watch it.

We're coming out
right through here now.

- Make way.

- Turn him! Turn him!

No, the other way!

Come on, watch him.
You're gonna lose him!

Catch him!

- Oh.

- It's okay.

- Mr. Chaney's office?

No, I'm sorry. He's
not available right now.

- Sergeant, the little
hand is on the nine.

And the big hand is on the 12.

I gotta be downtown
like in 30 minutes.

- Soon as your client's
through with breakfast.

Meantime, why don't you
let the officer pat you down?

- What's the matter?

You guys don't get
enough at home?

- I'm getting tired
of your mouth, Jose.

- Whoa! You show
me some respect.

The name is Sifuentes,
Victor Sifuentes!

- I don't care if
you're freakin' name

is Pancho freakin' Villa!

You don't see your client
without you get searched!

Now assume the
freakin' position!

- You lay a hand on me

and I'm gonna
kick your fat butt.

- That's it. You are outta here!

- Let go my...

- Tell him East L.A.
later this afternoon.

- You're gonna be hearing
more about this, McKlosky!

- I can't freakin' wait!

- Michael Kuzak, attorney
representing Justin Pregerson.

I'd like to talk to the
investigating officer.

- Which that would
be Detective Tuttle.

- Yeah, I'll get right up to it.

Lester, to his friends.

- What's all the excitement?
- Memo out of Division.

We gotta search all
attorneys before they go in.

Lawyer brought a
g*n into South Central.

His client tried to
sh**t his way out.

Speaking of which, your client

is a real citizen, counselor.

This time we got
him on r*pe, as*ault,

oral cop, sodomy.

Not to mention
that he's violated

his probation in
six different ways.

- Presumption of
innocence, Lester.

- The victim ID'd
the kid's vehicle

and picked him and two
accomplices out of lineup.

Let's see his daddy
buy him outta this one.

- This is totally bogus.

- Says here she
was beaten, r*ped.

And when her wig fell
off during the as*ault,

she was tossed into a dumpster.

She ID'd you, she ID'd
your running mates.

She ID'd your car.

- Hey, I hook up with
these guys in a bar.

We have a couple
of drinks, bar closes.

We go cruisin'.

We stop at one of
these all-night places

to get a couple of six-packs.

She's in there.

She follows me out.

She says she'd do
the three of us for $50.

We figure what the hell?

So we go around
the corner in the alley.

It wasn't exactly
Romeo and Juliet.

But it wasn't r*pe either.

- The victim alleges
she begged you stop.

Said she was sick.

- Oh, yeah, she
was beggin', all right.

It wasn't to stop.

- But it also says here
that she was admitted

to Hollywood
Presbyterian for severe cuts

and bruises to her body.

- Hey, look!

There's a lot of crazy
people out there.

Maybe the next guy uses
her for a punching bag.

So she goes to the cops.

She remembers my car.

She figures she can
work something out.

Did you talk to my father yet?

For $1,000, she'll
fold like a deck chair.

- Doubtful.

I'm told she's got
acute leukemia.

- That's too bad.

- Look, when can
I get outta here?

- Not 'til they set bail.

- When's that?

- Arraignment tomorrow.

- No, no, no, no. Forget that.

Find Judge Sorenson.
He knows my father.

He'll sign a writ today.

- I'll see what I can do.

- Hey, listen.

My father's worth a
million bucks to your firm.

You do that.

- Right.

- Is that true about the cancer?

- Yeah.

- Acute leukemia.

Is that contagious?

- I hardly know
what to say regarding

the untimely death
of Norman Chaney,

good friend and
respected colleague.

Except we'll greatly miss him.

- Plus which, his passing
leaves a serious void

in an extremely lucrative
area in our practice.

- We can discuss that
aspect later, Douglas.

- Fine.

And what about
the Lewis tax audit?

Do you think either George
Lewis or the IRS are going to say

we can discuss that later?

- I said this is not the time!

In any event, I spent
the last 45 minutes

going through Norman's
personal papers

and found his last instructions.

There will be a
simple cremation with

a memorial service
preceding at which those of you

desiring may pay
your last respects.

Now if you all don't
mind, I'll excuse myself.

- I'll start a sign-up
list for you...

- This is tongue, honey.

You trying to tell me something?

- The minutes will
reflect Mr. Kuzak

arrived late for the meeting.

- Yeah. Well, Mr. Kuzak
was having such a good time

chatting up Justin Pregerson
at the Hollywood jail

about he and his
running mates r*ped

and b*at up a
defenseless leukemia victim

that he couldn't bear
to pull himself away.

- He confessed?

- Oh, sure, full of remorse.

You promised me a body.

I want it now.

- Bring us a list of
possible candidates

and we'll review it.

- Mike?

- Excuse me, Mr. Brackman.

But how would that impact
on the summer law clerks?

- Not to mention the
current associates.

- Mr. Pollack, you may
rest assured that this firm

has a commitment to hire at
least one full-time associate

in addition to Mr. Kuzak's
criminal lawyer

and any possible replacement
in our Tax Department.

Mr. Taylor, associate
review will proceed at

the appropriate time.

Now, as the hour
is growing late,

let us laser through our
summary of pending cases.

Status unchanged
on the divestiture.

Discovery motion on
Roner versus Gradinger.

Pending trial Merton
versus Merton.

A new matter, Leon Kroener,
a medical corporation,

versus Celia Robinson.

- A doctor is suing
our client for a $750 bill.

- A collection matter?

- It's a little more
complicated than that.

For the last nine months,
her insurance company's

been giving her the runaround

and that's why
the bill's not paid.

- Miss Perkins,
undoubtedly you've seen

those ads on television?

Lawyers in polyester
suits soliciting for clients?

- Yes, sir.

- Those lawyers handle
$750 collection cases.

McKenzie, Brackman,
Chaney, et al does not handle

$750 collection cases.

- Douglas, will you come off it?

This is a referral from
Morley Sapperstein.

I asked Abby to help me with it.

- As your time
is usually billed at

$135 an hour, Miss Kelsey,

how much exactly did you
intend to charge this client

for whatever heroics you might
perform on this $750 matter?

- What I intend is to
charge her nothing.

- Is it your belief then
that we are running

a welfare state here?

- Absolutely not.

It is my belief that
this firm is an example

of the capitalist
system at its very finest.

Management getting
fat off the sweat

and blood of the workers.
Take me, for example.

You bill my time at $135
an hour, 1,600 hours a year

for a total of $216,000
into the bulging coffers

of this firm.

Of that amount, I, who
generated the income, get $52,800.

You're damn straight this is
not a welfare state, Douglas.

And if I wanna make
a couple of phone calls

to an insurance company to
keep some poor working woman

from getting screwed over
by the system, then I will do it!

- Well, due to the tragedy
we've all suffered today,

it would appear that
everyone is unusually testy,

fractious and argumentative.

Accordingly, this meeting
is hereby adjourned.

- I'd like to remind everyone
of the annual firm dinner

which will be held
a week from Friday.

That's the 20th, at
Mr. McKenzie's home.

Partners, associates and
summer law clerks invited.

- Thank you.

- Along with a husband,
wife or suitable escort.

- What? No secretaries?

- That's what we have
firm picnics for, Mr. Kuzak.

- Oh.

- Arnie, Lydia Graham's here.

- Okay. Give me a minute.

- My husband and I
have already worked out

all the terms of our settlement.

- Here's your tea.
- Thank you.

- But Julia wouldn't
leave me alone

until I agreed to
let you look at it.

- Well, Julia can
be very persuasive.

- I just don't want it
to get into an ugly,

pitched battle with
name-calling and incriminations.

- I respect that
feeling entirely.

- Barry and I may not
have wanted to be married

to each other.

But we're still
parents to our children.

We're still civilized adults.

I won't get down in the dirt and
grub over who gets the dishes.

- I wish all my clients were
as reasonable as you are.

I'll tell you what.

As long as you're here,
let me jot down a few notes.

Okay.

Now when did you and your
husband actually separate?

The exact date, if
you can remember.

- He moved out of the
house on December 21st.

- And was this at
your suggestion?

- No, not really.
- Oh, so it was his idea.

- Well, we discussed it,
that we weren't terribly happy.

- So, four days
before Christmas.

He really picks his
spots, doesn't he?

He walks out on you.

- It wasn't like that.

- Is he living with her now?

- With whom?

- The other woman.

- Barry did not leave
me for another woman.

That's not what
this is all about.

- Men are creatures of
habit and comfort, Lydia.

In nine years, I've never once
seen a man initiate a divorce

and certainly not four
days before Christmas

unless he had another
woman to replace

the one he was leaving.

- Well, my husband
and I are not statistics.

We're individuals.

- Really, I am sorry.

And maybe I'm a little
sensitive to this subject right now.

Because not more
than six hours ago,

this woman comes in here.

And she's aiming this g*n at me.

A nice woman, totally
so nice that she refused

to let me, as she put it,
drag it through the mud.

So now she's found out that
her husband has another woman.

And they're living up in Bel Air

while my client's
over in Van Nuys.

And she aimed this g*n
at me because, and I quote,

"You should have forced
me to face the facts", she said.

- You're deliberately
trying to turn this

into something ugly.

- No. What I'm
deliberately trying to do

is protect your
rights under the law.

Let me be blunt.

For your husband, divorce
is a fiscal inconvenience.

But for you, this could
be the most important

financial decision that
you'll ever make in your life.

And I personally, as
well as professionally,

don't think that such a decision

should be made casually, do you?

- I suppose not.

- What I'm gonna
do, friendship to Julia,

admiration for your principles,

let me take a look
at this agreement.

No cost, of course.
No obligation to you.

On Thursday, I'd like
to take you to lunch.

Give you my
thoughts on the matter.

At that point, the choice
is completely yours.

You can take it
or you can leave it.

But at least you'll be
making an informed decision.

Does that sound fair?

- Well, yes, I guess. Thank you.

- Great.

Well, Roxanne
will give you a call.

And we'll confirm
lunch for next Thursday.

Oh, do you like L'Orangerie?

- It's fine.
- Well, great.

Well, it was a great
pleasure meeting you.

I'll see you on Thursday?

Okay, bye-bye.

- Oh.

- Oh, yeah. Thanks.

- Hi. Come in.

Szechuan. You want some?

- No, no.

I'm gonna go home now unless
you have something pressing.

- No. I didn't
realize it was so late.

Stop being an attorney. Go home.

Be a wife, be a mother.

- You sound like my husband.

- Sorry. You're right.
It's none of my business.

- Sylvia Robinson came
in today with her file.

Very nice lady, incredible guts.

After her divorce, she
had two kids to support.

She went to work as a
maid until she could save

enough money to start
a catering business.

She did Morley Sapperstein's
son's bar mitzvah.

- I know. He told me.

Creole Cajun food.

- At a bar mitzvah?

- Anyway, she's got
copies of everything.

Even a renewal statement.

And a bill the insurance
company sent her two weeks ago.

- Sounds like a winner for us.

- Let's hope so.

I don't think it's helping
her migraines any

having that doctor bill
hanging over her head.

- Migraines?

- It's why she went to
the doctor in the first place.

He wanted to run tests.

And then when the insurance
company refused to pay,

she couldn't go back.

She's got an
appointment tomorrow

with Morley Sapperstein's
personal physician.

- What did the company say?

- It was like
talking to that chair.

Our records indicate that
our insured, Mr. Robinson,

had his ex-wife, Mrs. Robinson,

removed from his policy
at the time of their divorce.

I told him they got
two separate policies

as part of the
divorce settlement.

I told them she
has a copy of it.

- And?

- He said they'll
have to look into it.

- Did you ask them if she's
not covered why they sent her

a renewal statement?

- He said they'll
have to look into it.

- Send him a
threatening letter instead.

Copy his superiors. Use
buzz words like bad faith.

That ought to
get their attention.

- I already did.
- Good.

Look, Abigail.

It really isn't any
of my business.

But if you need to talk, I
was married once myself.

About 50 years ago.

- Thanks.

It'll be okay as
soon as he gets a job

and quits drinking.

And starts... never mind.

Uh, tell me the truth.

Do you think there's
any chance I'll be asked

to stay on here as an associate?

- It's not up to me. I'm
not a voting partner.

- If you were?

- You're a good lawyer
and a very hard worker.

- But I'm not a super
star like Pollack.

Or a sex b*mb like Lisa.

- I'm sorry. I'm being a jerk.

Goodnight. Thanks again.

- People versus Pregerson,
Garcia and Dollar.

- Michael Kuzak, attorney
representing Justin Pregerson.

- Waive reading of
rights and complaint?

- So waived.

- How does your client plead?
- Not guilty.

- Nicholas Klein
representing defendants

Garcia and Dollar, Your Honor.

At this time, due to a
possible conflict of interest,

the Public Defender's
office would ask

to be relieved of
representation with respect

to defendant Dollar.

- Do you have funds to
hire an attorney, Mr. Dollar?

- I'm broke, judge.

- An attorney will be
appointed for Mr. Dollar.

Let me see the list.

I see Mr. Cavanaugh
in the courtroom.

Would you be interested
in a court appointment

on this matter?

- Yes, Your Honor. I
think I can squeeze that in.

- Any motions
while Mr. Cavanaugh

acquaints himself
with this matter?

- Yes, Your Honor.

At this time, I would
ask the defendant Garcia

be released on his
own recognizance.

- Your Honor, I'm sorry.

But Mr. Klein is
once again insulting

the intelligence of this court.

May I point out Mr. Garcia's
five previous arrests,

two felony priors.

And now an extremely
aggravated as*ault r*pe.

- Let me point out that
Mr. Garcia has always

faithfully appeared for all
previous court appearances.

In addition to which he is
sole support of an aged mother,

Your Honor, who relies on
him for weekly transportation

to and from the clinic.

- Usually in a stolen car,
according to his rap sheet.

- My office will agree
to Mr. Garcia's release

from custody on the condition

that he be released
into the care and custody

of Mr. Klein.

- Your Honor...

- Take him home with
you, Mr. Public Defender,

you think he's such a sweet guy.

- Counsel? Approach the bench.

Off the record, Miss
Aaron, Mr. Klein.

I would not normally be so
presumptuous as to delve

into the personal lives
of my court personnel.

But as this courtroom
is beginning to resemble

a daytime soap opera, I
feel I'm well within my rights

in inquiring.

You two hot for
each other or what?

- I took her out three
times, Your Honor.

- Out? I made dinner twice.

The third time, you
brought in a pizza.

- You're mad
'cause I said I'd call.

- I'm mad because I
lowered my standards.

- Yeah, along with your skirt.

- Uh, on the record,
at this time I would ask

that Mr. Dollar's bail in
this matter be reduced

to $1,000, Your Honor?

- The man has four priors.
- Two as a juvenile.

- The D.A.'s office is
unilaterally opposed

to any bail reduction
with respect to either

defendant Garcia
or defendant Dollar.

- Bail to remain set at
the amount of $25,000

on both defendants.

Bail to stand on
defendant Pregerson.

Preliminary hearing set for
September 6 in Division 35.

Off the record, I
need a potty break.

We will have a 20-minute
recess during which time

I suggest that the PD and
the DA clean up their act.

- The court will be in
recess for 20 minutes.

- When are you guys
free to schmooze?

- This afternoon is fine for me.

How about Clooney's at 4:00?

- Yeah.
- I'm outta here.

- Don't forget to wear
a suit to the prelims.

Lester?

Leslie, who's good
in the PD's office?

- Legally or sexual?

- Legal. I'm looking
to take on a body.

- How about mine?

- You're more body
than I can handle.

Besides, I think I need someone
of the defense persuasion.

- Someone who could
love a guy like Pregerson?

- Or at least not
lose his lunch.

- You're right. Not me.

A number one fast charger
in the PD's office right now

is a guy named Victor Sifuentes.

- Sifuentes? You mean,
the guy with the earring?

- Yeah, real smart.
- I don't know.

If it's the same guy, I
saw him strut his stuff

at the Hollywood jail.

- You asked my opinion.
Check it out for yourself.

He's in Division 50.

- Counselor?

- Your Honor, Victor Sifuentes
of the Public Defender's

office representing
Carlos Hermosillo.

- Waive reading?
- So waived.

- How does your client plead?

- Mr. Hermosillo's unable
to enter a plea at this time.

- And why is that,
Mr. Sifuentes?

- Mr. Hermosillo has been
denied his constitutional right

to an attorney.

- I thought that you were
his attorney, Mr. Sifuentes.

- This is true, Your Honor.

But I was denied
access to my client

by the police department.

- Under what circumstances?

- I went to the
Hollywood station

to interview my client at
such time as Sgt. McKlosky

of the LAPD made rude
and insulting remarks to me

regarding my ethnicity.

When I took umbrage
at said remarks,

the sergeant refused to
let me speak to my client.

And then went
so far as to bodily

remove me from the station.

- So you never conferred
with Mr. Hermosillo

regarding his defense?

- No, Your Honor.

- I would say a continuance

would be appropriate
at this time.

- No objection.

- Excuse me, Your Honor.
But my client is in custody.

Any such continuance
would deny him

his constitutional right
to a timely arraignment

and speedy trial.

Accordingly, I would move
that the case against him

be dismissed due to the
state's outrageous conduct

in denying him his
constitutional right

to representation.

- Mr. Sifuentes
can talk to him now,

Your Honor, in the hall.

- Such a slipshod representation

would be tantamount
to no representation.

- I would have to
agree with Mr. Sifuentes.

If the relationship
between attorney and client

has been abrogated due to
outrageous police conduct,

then this case
should be dismissed.

- A big if, Your Honor.

- Excuse me, Your Honor.

- Mr. Kuzak?

- I happened to be present
at the Hollywood Division

at the time Mr. Sifuentes
was being shown the door.

- Would you
corroborate counsel's

description of the
events in question?

- So far as I was able
to observe, Your Honor.

- How far was that, Mr. Kuzak?

- As far as the
door, Your Honor.

- Case dismissed.

- But, Your Honor!

- If the D.A.'s office sees
fit, they are, of course,

free to re-file charges
as double jeopardy

is not attached.

We're in recess.

- Thank you, Your Honor.

- Court will be in
recess 'til two p.m.

- They'll process
you out of here.

And then you can go home.

- Thank you, man.

- You stay away from the cuda.

Stuff will k*ll you, man.

- Absolutely.
- Hi, I'm Michael Kuzak.

I'm with McKenzie,
Brackman, Chaney, etc., etc.

- Yeah, I know. I've
seen you around before.

Thank you very much for
the testimonial, counselor.

- Very fancy footwork.

- Well, the guy is the hype.

He's got a wife,
four kids to support.

Yeah, the police, they
set him up on a sale.

What the hell good
is it gonna do anyone

to send him to the joint?

- Well, they'll
probably re-file a case.

- Yeah. And they
probably won't find him.

He's going away to a drug
program now in Arizona.

- Are you free for
lunch some time?

- What's the agenda?

- We'd like to talk
to you about a job.

- Got a job.

- We'd still like to
have lunch with you.

- You pay?

- I'll call your office.

- If we're gonna
deal this thing,

it's gonna have to
be all three of them.

- Thank you.

- Speaking for myself,
I'm disinclined to negotiate.

I see no case here.
D.A.'s sucking wind.

- But unshakeable
ID by the world's

most sympathetic
victim is not sucking wind.

- Unless you argue
consent, dying woman out

for a good time before
they plant her in the ground?

- It's moments like these
that make me proud to be

a member of such
a noble fraternity.

- Aren't we fastidious?

- Can we stop jerking
ourselves around here?

And go one step at a time?

We know she's got cancer.

What we don't know
is the prognosis.

So let's find out.

The way I figure,
with a little bit of luck

and half a dozen continuances,

she'll either quit or die
before we even have

to worry about a trial.

Hey, I know it
sounds a little cold.

But this is not the
Red Cross here.

So unless you
got a better idea...
- Nope.

- Excuse me.

You know the doctor she went to?

- Who?
- Celia Robinson.

He wants to put her in
the hospital immediately

for neurological testing.

But they won't let
her in because when

they call her insurance company,
they said she wasn't covered.

- What happened when you called?

- They put me on hold.
- Let's go.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Elizabeth?

Did you check with
the clerk in 123?

- I'm sorry.

- Would you?

- Sure.
- Please?

Make sure the discovery
motions were filed.

And tell Pollack
that I need points

and authorities on Womack.

- Michael, where do we
stand with Justin Pregerson?

- On my way to the
prelim even as we speak.

- His father's all
over my call sheet.

What should I tell him?

- You tell him that
his punk son deserves

to go away for 10 years.

- He's one of our
more important clients.

What would you have us do?

Refer him to another firm?

- Don't patronize me, Leland.

Just get me a body
so I don't have to deal

personally with
this kind of crap.

- Have you got someone in mind?

- As a matter of fact, yes.

- Set up lunch.

- I already did.

It's on your calendar,
day after tomorrow.

- Attorneys Ann Kelsey
and Abigail Perkins

to see Lester Mestman.

- Wait a minute. Do you
have an appointment?

- Absolutely not.
- Right, Charlie.

- Let me get back to you.

- She barged in
without an appointment.

- At this moment, my
client, Celia Robinson, is at

St. Anthony's Hospital trying
to check in for a cat scan.

Only they won't let her
because your insurance company

is still refusing to admit
that she's got coverage.

So don't talk to me
about appointments.

- My dear Miss...

- I am not your
Dear Miss anything.

And you had better
be praying that

she doesn't have a brain tumor.

Because if she does, and if
this tumor was exacerbated

by the systematic bad
faith of your company,

then you'd better be
prepared to write a check

with a lot of zeroes behind it.

- I'll have to discuss this
matter with my superiors.

- You have had nine
months to discuss this

with your superiors.

If she does have a tumor,
every minute you stall,

it's getting bigger
and more dangerous.

And that means more
zeroes on the check.

Am I coming through?

Pick up the phone, Mr. Mestman.

St. Anthony's Hospital.

- Are we ready to
proceed, gentlemen?

- People are, Your Honor.

- Defendant's counsel?

- Uh, it would
appear, Your Honor,

Mr. Kuzak has been
unavoidably detained.

Under the circumstances,
move for continuance

until such time as...

- Michael Kuzak, Your Honor.

- Tick-tock, counselor.

- I apologize for the delay.

- Any reason I shouldn't
hold you in contempt?

- Approach the
bench, Your Honor?

- That better be a
note from your mother.

- It's a citation, Your Honor.

I was doing 35, tops 40,
when this cop who doesn't

even shave yet pulls me
over for an unsafe lane change.

I explained to him
that I'm late for court.

And I further
explained that I...

- Let me take a look at that.

- Well, that's all
right, Your Honor.

I wouldn't presume to ask
this court for any favors.

- And this court wouldn't
presume to offer any.

- Truthfully, Your Honor,
I think that we've already

consumed enough of the court's
time with my personal concerns.

- For the record, Mr. Kuzak
has just handed me

a white piece of paper
which appears to be

in fact neither a laundry
list nor even his pocket copy

of the Code of Ethics.

But rather a legitimate
LAPD traffic citation.

People may proceed.

- I call Miss Adrianne
Moore, Your Honor.

- One last question, Miss Moore.

Did Officer Feeblecorn take
you to an emergency hospital?

- Yes, Hollywood Presbyterian.

- Did she wait for you while
you were being examined?

- Yes, and then
she drove me home.

- Thank you, Miss Moore.

I have no further questions.

- Mr. Cavanaugh? Cross?

- Miss Moore, now
on direct examination,

you testified that on
the date in question,

you purchased a soft drink.

- Yes.

- At a convenience store.

- And some eggs and milk.

- And it was approximately
what time that you went out

to get this soft drink?

- Two.
- In the morning?

- Yes.

- Do you normally
get a craving at two

in the morning for
sugary soft drinks?

- Sometimes.

- Especially when you've
been drinking heavily?

Mouth gets all wooly?

- Objection!
- I wasn't drinking.

- Withdraw the objection.

- Were you smoking dope?

- Objection! Irrelevant.

- Your Honor, this
would be directly relevant

as to the issue of consent.

- Overruled.

- Had you been smoking
a green leafy substance

commonly referred to as
marijuana that evening?

- Yes, a little.

You see, the chemotherapy
makes me nauseated.

And the marijuana helps...

- Objection. Nonresponsive.

I would ask that everything
after the witness answered yes,

she had been smoking marijuana,
be stricken from the record.

- Objection sustained.

Reporter will strike
everything after the word yes.

- I don't understand.
Why can't I explain?

- Miss Moore, please
just answer the questions

as they're asked of you.

Now you were alone when
this alleged incident occurred?

- Yes.

- And had you been
alone all evening?

- Yes, I was home watching TV.

- Alone all night smoking dope
by yourself and watching TV.

- Objection! Asked and answered.

- Sustained. Move on, please.

- Thank you.

But just to set the scene,
there you are having

a joint or two. You're
watching the tube.

And maybe feeling
a little lonely.

- I'm used to being alone.

- But sometimes it's nice to
have a little human contact.

So you get the idea to
go to the all-night market

to see a human face.

Maybe have someone to talk to.

- I didn't talk to anyone.

I bought my food and I left.

And then these animals...

- Objection! Nonresponsive.

Motion to strike.

- Sustained.

- Miss Moore,
how is your health?

- I have leukemia.

- Well, I'm very
sorry, Miss Moore.

And I hope you
forgive my insensitivity

when I ask what the
prognosis for recovery is.

- Lousy.

I'm going to die.

- Have the doctors
told you when?

- Objection!

Mr. Cavanaugh seems to
be on a fishing expedition.

- Your Honor, I ask
the court's indulgence

and latitude as this is
an issue of some delicacy.

- Miss Moore, no one
regrets more than I any pain

this line of questioning
may cause you.

I'll allow you a little
more room, counselor.

But get on with it, please.

- Thank you.

- How much longer have
you got, Miss Moore?

- Less than six months.

- Well, I would imagine
that there must be

a great many things
you've always wanted to do

but might not get a
chance to do now.

- I suppose.

- And I know that, if
it were me, I would try

to cram all of these things
into the short time I had left.

Even if these things
weren't the kind of things

I might have done before.

- I don't understand.

- Well, like recreational
dr*gs, marijuana...

- I told you that was
for the side effects

of the chemotherapy.

- Right.

You pull up to a convenience
store a little high on weed.

You see three good-looking
young men in a hot car.

- You got to be kidding!

- Gather ye rosebuds
while ye may, Miss Moore.

- What does that mean?

- A literary illusion
that suggests that,

if you only had
six months to live,

you might as well have a
good time before you go.

- This is sick!

- Isn't it true that
you solicited my client

to have sex with you?
- No!

- Isn't it true that, when
my client expressed

some initial reluctance,
you went up to him

and pressed against
him and f*ndled him?

- No! Your Honor, please!

- Isn't it true that
you said, and I quote,

"I've never taken on three guys.

I want you to do it to me
and I want you to do it rough"?

- You despicable bastard!

- Miss Moore?

- Your Honor, I ask the
witness to be admonished.

- This is perversion!

- Your Honor, please!

- I want to know
who is on trial here!

- Any further
outbursts, Miss Moore,

and I'll hold you in contempt.

- The feeling is mutual!
- Sit down.

- Your Honor, under
the circumstances,

I ask we move for
continuance until such time...

- Until such time
as what? I die?

- I'm warning you, Miss Moore.

- Is that the tactic? Accuse me?

Wear me down?

Move continuances
until I quit or die?

- I warn you...

- I warn you! This
door swings both ways!

If I can't get justice here,

I'll get a g*n and
I'll do it myself.

- That's enough.
You're in contempt.

- Your Honor,
she's threatening us!

- You think I won't?
What have I got to lose?

I'll be dead before you
could ever get me to trial!

- Bailiff, escort Miss Moore
to the basement holding facility

until such time as she wishes
to apologize to this court.

- The court is adjourned.

Mr. Kuzak, a moment
of your time in chambers.

- This court is adjourned.

- Mr. Kuzak, are you aware
of the fact that you have

a substantial number
of outstanding warrants?

- Well, my recollection,
Your Honor, is we're talking

a couple of parking
tickets at most.

- We're talking $4200
worth of citations

over a two-year period.

- $4200? Oh, that's
gotta be a mistake.

- Didn't Officer Marinella
run you through the computer?

- Well, as I was already
late and having identified

myself as a former Deputy D.A.,

he was kind enough
to write me up

without the usual formalities.

- Mr. Kuzak, you bring fresh
meaning to the word scofflaw.

Bailiff, take
Mr. Kuzak into custody.

- Your Honor, hold
on a minute. It's...

- $4200, counselor.
Put up or shut up.

- Who's got $4200?

- Well, you've got a phone call.

I suggest you
use it to find out.

- Well, Your Honor,
with all due respect,

don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?

- Take him into
custody, bailiff.

- A couple of lousy
parking tickets.

- Life's a bitch, counselor.

- Miss Moore?

I'm Michael Kuzak.

I'm Justin Pregerson's attorney.

Look, I don't suppose
you care, but...

I'm deeply sorry about
what happened in court.

- That's very big of you.

I could tell you were
morally outraged.

- Well, what I may have
been doesn't change the fact

that my client's still
got a right to the best

legal representation
he can obtain.

- What about my rights?

I was r*ped and beaten

and thrown into a dumpster.

But for all that, I was
the one accused up there.

Not that piece of garbage
you're representing.

- I represent the system as
well as the client, Miss Moore.

I may not always
believe in the client.

But I have to
believe in the system.

- What about me?

What am I supposed
to believe in?

- Judge will see you now, ma'am.

- Well, Mr. Kuzak,

I'm going back up
there and I'm apologizing

and withdrawing my complaint.

- I'm afraid it's
not all that easy.

- I'm not spending the
last six months of my life

in a courtroom.

I been r*ped once.

I'm not gonna let
that happen again.

- For whatever it's worth,

and it's a purely
personal observation,

if you were to go
out and get a g*n

and blow them away,

I wouldn't lose
any sleep over it.

- That's the difference
between us, Mr. Kuzak.

I would.

- As office will be closed
for business at three p.m.,

anyone not in attendance
at said memorial service

will be docked commensurately.

See that that's distributed
to all personnel right away.

Ah, Ms. Kelsey.

How kind of you to grace us
with your presence this morning.

- Do you want
something, Douglas?

- The Patramco interrogatories.

- I'll have them
for you tomorrow.

- I'm afraid that won't do.

- You wanna tell me
what the big rush is?

- Just be aware that, if
you have even the slightest

thought of ever being
a partner in this firm,

those interrogatories
had better be on my desk

by five p.m. today.

- Hi, Ann.
- Morning, Michael.

- Do you wanna tell Arnie I
don't like cooling my heels?

- Slide a piece of
cheese under his door.

That ought to get his attention.

- Barry Graham residing
at 11275 Lamar Road

shares dwelling with
Miss Valerie Renault.

Actress, model,
member in good standing.

Screen Extras Guild.

The rental agreement
listing Miss Valerie

as principal occupant
was signed by Barry

four months prior
to leaving his wife.

Here's a copy.

Mr. Graham owns Exotic
Body Parts and Auto Repair, Inc.

In Van Nuys.

- Lots of insurance work,
lots of cash transactions.

- Here's his tax returns
for the last three years.

Lots of creative bookkeeping.

- Nice house.

- South of Ventura
Boulevard on a cul-de-sac.

Now watch it.

I just got 'em
back from the lab.

They still may
be a little tacky.

Here's one.

They're both in the
nude smoking a joint.

- Tacky indeed.

- Here's another.

They're doing some
serious necking in the hot tub.

And the piece de resistance.

Barry and his honey poolside
on the chaise lounge engaged

in the sex act usually
described by a two-digit number.

- Barry, you total degenerate.

Well, this is going
to be a lunch that

Mrs. Graham will
not soon forget.

- I swear I don't
understand you, Arnie.

You take this poor woman
to some smitzy restaurant.

You slap these on the table.

She goes into the ladies
room and ralphs up $50 worth

of lunch all over
the velvet wallpaper.

What's the point?

- Well, if I take
the meeting here

in the office, she goes berserk.

She makes a scene. She
may even go for my eyes.

At best, it's gonna
take a couple hours

to get rid of her.

Because I can't throw a
crying woman out on the street.

So, instead, I take her out.

She sees a half dozen
of her best friends.

They see her. Couple
glasses of chardonnay.

A little salad Nicoise,

then I hit her with
the slide show.

She's not gonna say a word.

She'd rather die
than be embarrassed

in front of all of her friends.

Plus, later I bill
her for the lunch.

- Lawyers.

- Hey, it's a jungle out there.

- Have a nice lunch, sweetie.

- To the future.

- Such as it is?

- You don't sound
too optimistic.

- Why should I
be? I'm nearly 40.

I have two children,
a failed marriage.

And I can't wear a bikini.

- I think you'd look
great in or out of a bikini.

- Buttering up the client?

- Divorce is a growth
industry, Lydia.

I don't need the business.

- Good, because I've
thought seriously about it.

I've decided to accept
the settlement as is.

- C'est la vie. Do you
mind telling me why?

- In the long run,
there are more

important things than money.

I've just seen too
many divorces get ugly.

- You really are
quite a rare woman.

But, okay, okay.

What I'll do then is, I'll put
the investigation on hold.

- Investigation?

- Well, I had one of
our private investigators

look into a few of
your husband's affairs,

financial.

Otherwise, no cost
to you, of course.

I'll just keep this on file.

And if you ever
change your mind...

- Well, does it obligate
me to look at it?

- In no way.

It may be painful.

- Excuse me. I have
to go powder my nose.

- What have you got for dessert?

- I'll always remember
Norman Chaney

as a gifted lawyer, of course.

But more importantly,
as a good and loyal friend.

Norman Chaney left
more than his name

on the letterhead of this firm.

He left a standard of
quality and character

that we can only hope to
emulate as we mourn his loss.

I miss you, Norman.

Our colleague, Stuart Markowitz,
has asked to say a few words.

And after he has spoken,
anyone who wishes

to contribute their
own remembrances

is most welcome to.

Stuart?

- What can I say
about Norman Chaney?

Norman Chaney knew everything

there was to know about tax law.

Shelters? Call Norman.

Foreign tax treaties?
Call Norman.

Ad valorem? Call Norman.

During the sweeping 1982
revisions, one man stood

as a beacon in the deep
fog of tax code confusion.

That man was my
friend and mentor,

a giant in the
minefield of tax law

and its ever-changing
fiscal implications.

A man for whom no
tax complexity was...

too complex, if you will.

- I got a first draft of that
memo you asked me for.

The implications of
Chapter 11 in the divisions

of community assets.
- Oh, good.

- I can give it to you tomorrow.

Or we could go over it tonight.

- It's up to you.

- Well, I'm sort of
anxious for your opinion.

- Tonight then.

- I've gotta warn
you. It's kind of rough.

You may not be able
to read my scribbles.

- You can give it to
me orally if you wish.

- I, for one, will
miss this man.

And I would like to say
in conclusion that if I had

but one word with which to
characterize Norman Chaney,

that word would be fiduciary.

Goodbye, Norman, my good friend

and my fiduciary.

- The Caribbean, miles of
deserted white sand beach.

Her and me alone,
completely nude.

- Norman Chaney
was the best friend

I ever had.

I loved him dearly.

I met Norman in a gay bar.

My name is not Georgia Buckner.

It's George.

He took me home.

He was the gentlest
man I'd ever met.

- You and George,
completely alone.

- I poured out my heart to him.

- Nude.

- I told him I wasn't
gay, but transsexual,

a woman trapped in a man's body.

Norman encouraged
me to face myself.

He supported me morally
and financially through

several years of deep analysis.

Finally, he offered
to pay for my surgery.

And when the hospital said
that I had to live and work

as a woman for 18 months
before they'd perform

the operation, he got me a job.

Most of you

probably couldn't guess
that Norman was gay.

Well, most of you
didn't know him at all.

He was a deeply complicated man,

never really comfortable
with his sexual orientation.

I think that his support
of me in my struggle

was his way of reckoning
with his own ambivalence.

I'll miss you, Norman,

your wisdom, your guidance,

your love and support.

You gave me the
courage to heal myself.

I'll miss you and
love you always.

- And I want to thank
you all for participating

in Norman Chaney's
memorial service.

It was, to say the least,
an unusual service.

But then Norman
was an unusual man

with a wry sense of humor

concerning the human condition.

I think it would
have tickled him.

- Sorry we're late.

- That's all right.
How long do we have?

- Mr. Kuzak has a
courtroom appearance

at 11 in the Pregerson case.

And you're lunching with
a potential new associate.

- If I may ask, who is it?

- He's with the PD's
office, Victor Sifuentes.

- A Chicano.
- I believe so.

- Okay, Kuzak's
getting his body.

I want Chaney's office.

- Ah, not until we
make a decision about

hiring a tax specialist.

If we bring in
some big rainmaker

at a senior partner level,
he'll demand the office

in his perk package.

- Don't take me for
granted, Douglas.

Who makes more
rain here than I do?

- I, for one.
- Sure.

Clients come in
thinking they're getting

the original, genuine Brackman.

Not some cheap, second
generation knock-off.

- How dare you!

- Gentlemen, settle
your differences

outside of this room
and on your own time.

- All right.

But my list is not as
current as it should be

due to my secretary's
sudden departure from the firm.

- What happened to her?
- I fired him.

- How come?

- Because I do not
want that freak of nature

sitting outside my
office representing me.

- h*m*, Douglas?
- Knock it off, Arnold.

I mean it.

Now let's start with
the Lewis tax audit.

Stuart?

- Yes, I'm fully prepared.

- Good.

Douglas, will you continue
down your list, please?

- New business.

I am pleased to
say I've brought in

Nathan Electronics on retainer.

And R, T & O Industries
on a corporate acquisition

and anti-trust matter.

Old business.

The divestiture, I
assume, is status quo.

Now Patramco.

Miss Kelsey,
I'm stilling waiting

for those interrogatories
on Patramco.

- They've been on your
desk since yesterday evening.

- And how is your
little pro bono case?

Is the crusading lady
lawyer going to get

the big bad insurance
company to pay the $750 or not?

- They're going
to pay, all right.

But it'll be a hell of
a lot more than $750.

She's got a brain tumor.

- Can you prove a
causal connection

with the insurance
company's bad faith?

- I believe so.

- Is there a possibility
that she could die?

Just in case, why don't you
and Markowitz start working

on the actuarials?

Cover all the contingencies.

Even if she doesn't die,

we could still be
looking at a six-figure fee.

- In deference to the
fact that you are a partner

in this firm, I'm going to
leave before I say something

that I might regret later.

- Excuse me.

Ann?

- He's a pig!

We are talking about
a woman who could die

and all he can see
are dollar signs.

So if you're gonna ask
me to apologize, forget it.

- Annie, without
legal representation,

all the same terrible things
would have happened to her

excepting the
very real possibility

that she might
never have received

medical treatment at all.

- I understand that.

- And while, yes,
it's possible our firm

may profit from her problems.

So will her children.

And perhaps just as important,
the insurance company

will think twice before
they do it to anyone else.

- I am not against earning
a buck, Leland, as long as

we don't sell off our
humanity in the process.

- I grant you, in the hands
of a Douglas Brackman,

the law may not be pretty.

But in the hands of Ann Kelsey,

it can be uplifting
and life-affirming

and we can all be proud of that.

- You're handling me.

- True, but I'll also
handle Douglas.

That's your case.

You run with it as you see fit.

- Thank you.

- Let the record reflect
that the alleged victim

in this matter, Adrienne
Moore, has formally

apologized to the court.

And, accordingly, the
contempt is discharged.

Mr. Cavanaugh, you may
pick up your cross-examination

from where you left off.

- Thank you, Your Honor.

Now, Miss Moore, drawing
your attention once again

to the evening in question.

As you came out of
the convenience store

carrying your purchases,
did you take your package

and put it in the car first

Or did you take it with you
as approached my client?

- Objection, Your Honor,
to that sleazy trick question.

- I object to your inference.

- Sit down, both of you.

Miss Moore, what did
you do immediately after

leaving the convenience store?

- I'm sorry. I don't remember.

- Did you go to your car?

Did you go to the
defendant's car?

Did they come to
you? What happened?

- I don't remember.

I just don't remember.

- Two days ago
in this courtroom,

I don't recall your having
any such memory problems.

- Your Honor,
due to my situation,

I'm on extensive medication.

Vincristine, Prednisone,
Codeine, Dalmane, Chlonodine.

- With the court's permission,
would you explain to us

what some of these dr*gs are?

- Vincristine and Prednisone
are chemotherapy dr*gs.

Codeine is for pain and
Dalmane is a tranquilizer.

- Well, forgive my
ignorance, but might some

of these dr*gs cause
drowsiness, impaired memory?

Perhaps occasional confusion?

- Yes, they would, and they do.

- Well, then is it
possible that some of

your prior testimony
might render unreliable

under these circumstances?

- Yes. I'm just not as clear
on the events of that evening

as I thought I was.

- If this sudden loss of
memory is your way of refusing

to supply testimony, I
must warn you, Miss Moore,

you are once again in
contempt of this court.

- I'm sorry.

- Your Honor, move
for a continuance.

I want to confer
with the witness.

- It won't help.

- Approach bench, Your Honor?
- Approach.

Motions?

- Motion for
dismissal, Your Honor,

due to the unreliability of
the complaining witness.

- Objection, Your Honor.

She's clearly feigning
memory loss to avoid testifying.

- There's that
possibility, Mr. Gold.

But whichever the case,
you're not going to be able

to make this case stick with
an uncooperative witness.

I see no choice but to dismiss.

If the D.A. can
talk to the witness

and urge her cooperation,
the people are then,

of course, free to re-file
charges at that time.

- Thank you, Your Honor.

- There is no cause
for smiling, counselor.

Step back.

Defendant will not
be held to answer

due to insufficiency
of evidence.

Case dismissed.

- This court is adjourned until
nine a.m. tomorrow morning.

- What's happening?

- It's over. There's no case.

Go home.

- Well, what about our threats?
She said she'd blow us away!

- You deserve to die!

- Did you hear that?
Now that's a thr*at!

What's going on here?

She ought to be
arrested for that!

- I'll have the turbot,
sauce on the side.

Nothing to start.

- M'sieur?

- Cold chicken
plate, nothing to start.

- And M'sieur?

- How much is the warm lobster?

- $16.

- And the pasta?
- $11.

- Okay. That's $27.

That's okay?

- You seem concerned
about the cost

of lunch, Mr. Sifuentes.

- Well, Doug, the way
I figure it, with the wine

and all, this lunch has
gotta go $250, $300.

Which ain't a lot compared
to what you probably

paid for your suit.

Until you figure that
that suit's gonna last you

a couple of years, maybe more.

But by tomorrow,
lunch is sewage.

You get my point, Doug?

- I'm afraid it escapes me.

- Well, I think Victor is
curious about the value

that we place on his services
relative to food and clothing.

- Assuming he's
invited to join us.

- Right, assuming that.

- Tell us your
background, Victor.

- Well, I'm a local
boy, East L.A.

High school, couple
of years in the Army.

Cal State Northridge,

Glendale College
of Law in Glendale.

And four years
at the PD's office.

- And why the law?
- Lots of reasons.

Make a living, give
something back, you know.

Do a little good for the people.

- Oh, that's what you were
doing the other day in court

with all that mambo about being
denied access to your client?

- Hey, man. You do
what you gotta do.

The bottom line is the
dude's not gonna do time.

He's going into a program.

- The dude is a hype.

And $20 says he's gonna
wind up dead in an alley

somewhere with a needle
sticking out of his arm.

- You don't know that.

- If you could do any kind
of law, what kind would it be?

- Pro bono stuff, class actions.

Immigration stuff,
Indian Affairs, like that.

- If you come with us,
assuming that Mike wants you,

we'll do everything we can
to accommodate your needs.

- Now you've been in the
PD's office for a long time now.

Maybe you wanna
stretch a little.

- You mean, like you did
with the Pregerson kid?

- Cheap sh*t.
- Oh, yeah?

Well, the fact is, you don't
want me to do no pro bono.

And you sure ain't looking
for a little third world color

to brighten up
your office decor.

What I do think
is that you're tired

of picking up the
snails yourself.

So you're bringing in
the Mexican gardener

to do it for you.

- Well, I think you've made
your position quite clear.

- Yeah. I guess I have.

Gentlemen?

- Nice.

- Very nice offices
you ladies have here.

Very nice indeed.

- Thank you, Mr. Mestman.

- Nice. Nice touch, this.

Very, very feminine.

- I don't mean to be rude.

But you said on the phone
that you had an offer to propose?

- Yes, I discussed the
matter with my superiors.

Now, of course,
without admitting

or implying any
liability on our part.

But merely in recognition
of the potential litigiousness

of this matter, we
feel a settlement

might be appropriate
at this time.

- I, frankly, think
any settlement

would be premature
until after Mrs. Robinson

undergoes surgery tomorrow.

But I'm willing to listen.

- Let me add that this offer
in no way admits or infers

any causal connection
between Mrs. Robinson's

failing to seek treatment
nine months ago

and her condition today.

- Your reservations are
duly noted, Mr. Mestman.

Now what was the
number you had in mind?

- $25,000 plus
reasonable hospital

medical and surgical
bills, of course.

We might be willing
to go to $50 if she dies.

Well?

- My law clerk has made
a notation of your offer

in the file. Thank
you, and good day.

- Wait a minute.

What kind of number
did you have in mind?

- One with at least two
more zeroes at the end.

- This is a black
woman, a domestic.

- She's a caterer
and I don't know

what her color
has to do with it.

- I'm offering her more money

than she probably
earns in an entire year.

Before you turn
your nose up at it,

I'd advise you to think twice.

- Once was more than
sufficient. Good day.

- You think you're pretty smart
with your fancy law degree.

Well, we'll see just
how smart you are

when you have to
take this to a jury.

Trust me, juries
don't like bulldozing,

chop-busting butch lady
lawyers any better than I do.

- Thank you for
sharing that insight

with me, Mr. Mestman.

Once again, I must
decline your offer.

But I do appreciate
your coming in.

Have a nice day.

- I'd be less than
honest if I didn't tell you

for the record how deeply
disappointed my client is.

That after hammering out
this settlement in good faith,

we find ourselves in such a
clearly adversarial proceeding.

- Oh, it was
hammered out, all right.

We're just not so sure
about the good faith part.

- We offered alimony for six
years at $1,500 per month.

And child support
for like amount.

Further, after the sale of
their jointly-owned home,

one-half of the net proceeds.

Plus all the furniture,
silver and art.

- I've read the menu, sir.
Please don't kid a kidder.

This woman, the
mother of Mr. Graham's

two young children,
has been deceived.

This woman did you no harm, sir.

She was true to her vows.

- As was Mr. Graham!

- Oh, please.

- You might want
to browse these.

- How did you get these?

- You miserable...
you lying scum!

You said there was no one else.

- Counselor? Now
who's kidding whom?

This is California.

The fact that Mr. Graham
has a lady friend

is of no relevance whatsoever.

- This is what it's
all about, isn't it?

The fact that I have a
loving and close relationship.

- Close?

You ought to be sued
for practicing medicine

without a license!

- And you won't be happy
until you've made me pay!

- I'm the one being made to
pay here, you low-life degenerate!

- Lydia! Lydia! Calm down.

Come on, come on, come
on. Come on, sweetheart.

- You punishing bitch!

You can't stand
that I could be happy

with another woman, can you?

- Forgetting momentarily
this invasion of privacy issue,

what is the point
of this ugliness?

Other than to
unnecessarily inflame

an already overheated situation?

- Mr. Graham
has lied to his wife.

We have reason to believe
he's lied about other matters

of a financial nature as well.

- You're spraying.

- We're prepared to subpoena
your records if we have to.

- Go ahead.

But while we bury
each other in paperwork,

how's she gonna support herself?

Get a job?

She couldn't get
paid for the only thing

she's qualified to do.
She's not good enough!

- You filth!

- Lydia! Shh!

Mr. Graham, we have reason
to believe that you are daily

in violation of
the criminal code.

You deal in stolen auto parts.

You regularly engage
in insurance fraud

that you do not declare
cash transactions.

- You'd better be
prepared to defend yourself

in a slander suit, sir!

- As I recall, truth is
a complete defense.

I have here signed
and notarized affidavits

from one of our
private investigators,

Ms. Angela Sipriano,

stating that on such and such
a date, blah, blah, blah, blah,

she drove onto your
premises to discuss repairs

of her badly damaged automobile.

At which time, after
carefully inspecting

said damages, Mr. Barry
Graham personally proposed

in exchange for a cash
payment that he would...

- Let's see that.

If you can prove any of this,

why don't you go to the police?

- Hold it just a minute.

What are we talking about here?

- We're talking about
grief, Mr. Graham.

Yours, your wife's,
your children's.

We're talking about fairness.

Mainly, Mr. Graham,
we're talking about money.

- How much money?

- Chew on those numbers,
you impotent piece of snot.

- Rox? You wanna type this up?

Let's messenger it
up to Glazer for his

and Mr. Graham's
signature, okay?

- Right away.

Can I get you
anything, Mrs. Graham?

A glass of wine? Coffee?

A new tissue?

- I'm fine, thank you.

- Well, I guess we socked
it to him pretty good, huh?

- I think what you
did was despicable.

I'll never be able to look
at him again with any kind

of respect or affection.

- Lydia, you came in
here looking for somebody

to do your dirty laundry.
What'd you expect?

- Well, it stinks.

- Well, dirty laundry
usually does.

It's messy and it's nasty.

And it churns up
a whole lot of goo.

But it's a hell of
lot more civilized

and a hell of a
lot more lucrative

than putting a b*llet
between his ears.

- It's all so easy for you.

Just sock it to him
and get the money.

Well, I lost my life.

My children lost a family.

And there's no amount of money

that would compensate for that.

- You gonna give it back?

Lydia, maybe you hate me today.

That's understandable.

But two weeks from
now, you're gonna be

recommending me to a friend.

Two months from now, you'll
be inviting me over for dinner.

- I think I'd rather face
four hours of root canals.

What are you supposed
to wear to this party?

- I have a very
simple little blue silk.

- Fine.

- Suit and tie for Jim?
- Yeah.

- Think of it as a funeral
and you can't go wrong.

- See you tonight.
- Yeah.

- I need money.

- Go talk to your father.

- You talk to him!

He canceled my credit
cards, my bank account!

Fat slob!

Who in the hell
does he think he is?

- I can't help you. I'm sorry.

- I need money. I
gotta get out of L.A.

- You leave, they're gonna
violate your probation.

- Well, then you fix it
with my probation officer!

- Take your hands off me.

- All right, look.

I'm a little strung out, okay?

I'm a lot strung out.

But you better fix
this thing for me.

Or someone's gonna get hurt.

- That's not too smart.

- Not smart? You deserve to die.

You heard it. You
deserve to die!

That crazy broad's
looking to k*ll me, man.

- The g*n also
violates your probation.

- Well, it beats being dead.
How much money you got?

- Not the kind you need.

- Give me what you
got. I'll pay you back.

- All right.

How about you give me the g*n?

- How about you fix things
with my probation officer, huh?

- Good evening, Lester.

- Excuse me.

- Go away. I'm drinking alone.

- Quit pouting.

It's not your most
attractive trait.

- Real proud of
yourself tonight, huh?

- Well, I did my
job, you did yours.

That's the way the system works.

- The system's down.

We got citizens
behind locked doors.

Wise guys on the street.

Hell, what went on in
that courtroom was a joke.

Those animals did
it and they walked.

I wish she'd blow 'em away.

Hell, I'd buy her a g*n.

- You're a real drag, Lester.

I'm going.

- Good. I don't wanna be
seen hanging' out with you.

- By the way, you wouldn't
happen to know offhand

if Justin Pregerson's
got a carry permit

for a pearl-handled
.38 revolver, would you?

- Why?

- Oh, just curious.

Goodnight, Lester.

- Hey.

- I didn't think you high-paid
types worked this late.

- Well, I'm expecting a
phone call from a client

who's about to be arrested.

Is this a social visit?

- Nah.

I always pay off my bets.

- What's this for?
- My hype.

They found him a
couple hours ago

in an alley with a
needle stuck in his arm.

Plus, I owe you an apology.

I was way out of line at lunch.

- Oh, forget it.

Sit down, sit down.

- You know, where I come from,

guys like you were
always the enemy.

I don't know.

Somehow just even having
the lunch was like selling out.

- Well, the job's still
there if you want it.

- Yeah? I can't see me running
around here in no gray suit.

- Neither can I.

- You guys weren't
just blowing smoke

about doing some
pro bono, were you?

- Lawyers? Blow smoke?

- I'm serious, man.

- I'll make a deal with you.

You work for six weeks,
full associate status.

You don't like it for
any reason, take a bus.

No questions asked.

- It would have to
be a two-way street.

Six weeks and
I ain't cuttin' it,

you have the right to throw
my butt right out the door.

- Well, that sounds fair. Deal?

- Oh, mama. Deal.

- 10 to 1, the
aforementioned client.

Kuzak?

Yeah, I'm listening.

- What are we looking at here?

- Well, a lot of junk charges.

In your serious
category, we got resisting,

assaulting a police officer.

Possession of narcotics, to wit,

a white powdery substance
resembling cocaine.

And possession of
a concealed w*apon.

- I was set up.

- Yeah, we'll be
sure to point that out

to the District Attorney.

- Most of these
charges are bogus.

They just use them
for bargaining purposes.

- You automatically violated
on the coke possession.

You'll go away
on that one alone.

- Hey, either we
rowing the same oar

or you just get the
hell out of the boat!

All right, hold on.

What am I looking at here?

- Oh, six to eight minimum.

- Maybe we offer them a deal?

- You don't have
anything to offer.

- Well, what about
Dollar and Garcia?

- What about 'em?

- They did the
r*pe. I'll testify to it.

We can just drop
all the other stuff.

- You did the r*pe too?

- Sure, yeah.

It was three of us.
It was their idea.

- Are you prepared to
do time on that charge?

- Depends.

See what kind of deal
they're willing to cut.

- I'll be back to you on that.

- Stuart?
- Ready for a refill?

- Well, as soon as
everyone has seen my face,

we can get out of here

and maybe go get a little pasta.

- This is okay. Is anyone
here in the business?

- George Lucas.

- Come on.

- Francis Ford Coppola. Shh!

Steven Spielberg.

- Get outta here.

- April, honey, why
don't you go get yourself

a drink and work the party?

And I'll catch up to you, hmm?

Excuse us?
- Excuse me.

- What's your problem?

- Very classy.

I hope you asked her
for a medical certificate.

- Lisa, if you wanna be
an associate with this firm,

you and I can't be
seen on dates together.

Come on, don't pout.

After I dump her off,
I'll come by your place.

- What time?

- Early as I can.
Leave the door open.

I promise to wake you.

- You've got great leverage
over them on that Lewis tax audit.

- What, hold them
up for a partnership?

You're damn right.

- They'll keep you back
from a mole 'til you're 80

if you let 'em get away with it.

- I'm not unhappy
with the way things are.

- Hi.
- Hi. I'm sorry to interrupt.

- No problem.

- I just got off the phone
with Celia Robinson.

I told her we're
pulling for her.

And I'll be there tomorrow
when she comes out of surgery.

- Right at her bedside.

Isn't that just awe-inspiring?

You know, I'll bet if she
spent half as much time

in bed with me as she
does with this damn client,

we might even have a marriage.

- Stuart Markowitz, Ann
Kelsey, this is my husband, Jim.

- Res ipsa locitur.

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh, I thought that's
how you lawyer types talk.

But I wouldn't know, being a
mere unemployed house husband.

- Jim, stop it. You're
embarrassing me.

- That's not embarrassing.

- That's embarrassing.

- I'm sorry.

He's just had a little
too much to drink.

- Abby?
- Please.

- So, Celia Robinson, that's
your bad faith case, isn't it?

- Can we please
not talk business?

- Sorry.

- Celia Robinson
is 35 years old.

She's going into
surgery tomorrow

and she may not come out of it.

And I'm 35 years old and
maybe I'll live past tomorrow.

Let's face it.

None of us gets
out of here alive.

- You don't think you're being
a little morbid or anything?

- Yes, I am being
a little morbid.

You know how many of these
damn annuals I've been to?

Five.

- This is my sixth.
- Exactly.

You and I, we spend
our lives every day

of every week of every
year doing this crap.

And I keep feeling one day
my real life is gonna start.

Only this is it.

And, damn it, bottom
line, I'm not happy.

Are you happy, Stuart?

- I'm not unhappy.

- That's not good enough.

When's the last time you
made love to a woman?

- Annie? Come on.

Don't you think that's
kind of personal?

- Yes. When?

- That's not something
you go to the supermarket

and buy with your
TV dinner, you know.

- When?

- Ann, look at me.
I am what I am.

I'm short.

No, believe me, I'm short.

You can't tell from where
you're standing, I'm sure.

And I don't do
Nautilus or anything.

I'm not sexy and
I bruise easily.

And I don't like
being turned down.

- Good. So you're safe.

We're all so safe here.

- Shh.

What?

- You heard me.

- Are you bombed?

- Don't sell yourself short.

I've had a few,
but I'm not bombed.

Will you?

- Ann, if you think
about it, it's not...

- Thinking is the
last thing I wanna do.

Come home with me.

- I don't know what to say.

- Don't say anything.

- Let the record reflect
that a conference was held

in chambers early
this afternoon.

Amongst and between
the defendants,

their attorneys and
the representative

from the D.A.'s office.

Based on my understanding
of the facts in this matter,

and the apparent
problems of proof,

it is appropriate to reach
a pretrial disposition.

Mr. Pregerson, do
you wish to waive your

constitutional right and enter
a plea of guilty at this time

to Penal Code Section 245?

- Yeah. Guilty.

- Mr. Dollar?

- Guilty.

- Mr. Garcia?

- Guilty.

- Does counsel join in
these pleas and waivers?

- Yes, Your Honor.
- Yes, Your Honor.

- Very well.

Defendants' plea of
guilty is accepted with

an indicated sentence of
18 months in the state prison

facility at Vacaville.

Formal sentencing
set in Department 145,

September 19, nine a.m.

This court is adjourned.

- I know that, as things go,

18 months is not
a very long time.

- As things go, it's a
lot better than nothing.

- Look...

Here's my card.

- If you ever need a lawyer.

- If you need a friend,

please don't hesitate
to call for anything.

- Hey, Mike. How'd it go?
- Stuart, Douglas.

- Michael.
- Wait a second!

- Good night.
- Hold that elevator!

- Yes. It arrived
this afternoon.

No. I'm sorry, he's
gone for the day.

Yes, I'll have him call
you in the morning.

Thank you. Goodnight.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Iris.

- How'd it go?

- All three of them copped
on single counts of as*ault.

- How much time did they pull?
- Not much. 18 months.

- I suspect young Pregerson
is gonna find out more

about the crime of
r*pe in those 18 months

than he bargained for.

- I suspect you're right.

- Word is, you were
doing the prosecution's job.

- Well, I let the cops know
he was a ticking b*mb.

They did the rest.

- That's a pretty
thin line ethics-wise.

- If I stepped over
it which, by the way,

I don't think I
did, I'll live with it.

- I'm having dinner
with Martin Garver.

Care to join?
- I'll pass.

I got a mountain
of work I gotta do.

- For what it's worth,

I might argue your
ethics in this case.

But I admire your conscience.

- Miss Moore?

- You said if I needed a friend?

- Come on in.

- I'm... I'm... I'm so scared.
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