01x08 - Gibbon Take

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on L.A. Law...

- I would remind
the deputy D.A. that,

in spite of the
fact she's running

for judgeship in
District Seven...

- Your Honor, I...

- When and if you win
election to the bench,

Ms. Van Owen, you
may have the last word.

In my court, I get it.

- Mr. Sullivan will be
joining us as a clerk.

He'll be working here
afternoons after school.

- The phone messages,
all these people.

Activity in and out
of the bathroom.

Now either you are leading
a very weird social life,

or you're dealing
coke out of this office.

- That's crazy, Mr. Sifuentes.

Where's my $1,000?

- Let's see.

You're busted, kid.

- Eric went home already.

- What do you
mean, he went home?

- His father picked him up.

- He can't! Damn it, Detective!

My husband violates a
TRO kidnapping my son,

and the best thing you can
tell me is to get my own PI?

- I'm getting married
in three weeks.

His name is Kevin Crenshaw.

Kevin?

- Meet Michael Kuzak.

He's with the Trial
Lawyers Association.

- What were you trying to prove?

That you could get
back at me by trying

to humiliate a decent good man?

I'm in the middle
of getting married.

- I know this is a hell
of a time to say this.

But I'm in love with you.

- Leon's my name and
photography's my game.

How about a snapshot of
the bride and groom, huh?

- Definitely.

- So look, I'm just hanging out

on this corner there, right?

When this dude comes
blowing out the store

and he can see that the
police car is after him, man.

So he just pushes
the stuff off on me,

the g*n and the money.

And I'm just like, you
know, what's happening?

And then, bang, man.

The police are
drawing down on me

and I'm the one
that gets busted, dig?

Not the perpetrator, me.

- So that's your
legal defense, Julian?

It's your basic the
other dude did it?

- Yeah, it's the truth.

- These are smart
people on the jury, Julian.

You expect them to
believe this doo-doo?

- Hey, wait a minute, man.

You're supposed to
be my lawyer, right?

- How many times have
I gotten you off, Julian?

- Some.
- Well, how many?

- Excuse me, Your Honor.

But it looks like the people
are going to have to object

to the introduction of priors or

Mr. Tatton's got
a case for appeal.

- Counsel, approach the bench.

- Seven times. Robbery,
burglary, as*ault.

- Oh, come on.
- Mr. Hershberg?

- Seven times, and
he's still on the street!

Does this make sense to you?

- Mr. Hershberg, you
are courting contempt.

- Okay, maybe he
had a bad childhood...

- Now that is enough!
- But I'm sorry.

He's basically still
the worthless bag of...

- Mr. Hershberg!
- Hey, I don't gotta take this!

- Mr. Hershberg,
approach the bench now!

- And since the courts don't
have the stones to do it...

- Oh!
- Bailiff!

- You can't do that,
man. I got rights!

- Take it easy.
Come on, let's go.

- You are in contempt,
Mr. Hershberg!

Take him downstairs!

- Thank you, Your Honor.

Compared to this
job, jail's a pleasure!

Dirtbags in, dirtbags out!

Swimming upstream.
I'm going nuts!

- Calm down!
- I can't take it anymore!

Can you give me 20 years?

I mean it. It would
be a vacation!

- Thank you.

- Not a good day
for Sid Hershberg.

- Last week, it was
a D.A. in Torrance.

Tore up his files and
threw them at the judge.

- Let me take you
away from all this.

Lunch later?

- Oh, no, no, not a great idea.

- What? You can't even
be seen with me at lunch?

- Just until after the
elections are over.

- Getting pretty sick of this
sneaking around, Grace.

- Just a second.

- Do you realize that
we have not even been

to a restaurant together?
To a move or a play?

- Mm-hmm.

Just a few more weeks until
we don't have to worry about

the gossip, the
newspapers, the television...

- I don't know how
to break this to you.

But I am not Prince Charles
and you are not Lady Di,

And this is a little
Muni court race.

No one remembers or even cares

that you changed your
mind about getting married.

It was no big deal.

- Ditching the
groom at the altar,

hand in paw with a gorilla is...

- Yesterday's headlines,
Grace. 15 minutes of fame.

Tomorrow they're all
gonna be buzzing about

how Sid Hershberg
punched out his own client.

- Maybe you're right, maybe.

- So, where do you
wanna go to get lunch?

- I can't. I have
homework to do.

Meet the candidates.
- That's tomorrow night.

- Yes, and I have to give it
every spare minute I've got.

The press will be there.

- What time tomorrow night?
- You don't really wanna come.

- Oh, yeah, I do.
- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do. I promise
I will wear a suit.

I will not pick my teeth.
You're just being paranoid.

Nothing's gonna happen.

- Okay. It starts at eight.

Meet me there and we can go
have dinner afterward in public.

- You'll even let
me hold your hand?

- Maybe.

- If you would take
your seats, people?

It is once again my
unpleasant task to remind you

of your tardiness
regarding weekly accounting

of your billable hours.

Last week, only Stuart Markowitz

had his report in on time.

A certain other attorney
who shall remain nameless,

Miss Kelsey, is behind more
than four weeks on her reports.

People, please.

When accounting
is late, billing is late.

When billing is late, cash flow

like a clogged sewage
line is reduced to a trickle.

Need I elaborate?

Now on a more upbeat note.

A sizeable attaboy
to Arnold Becker

for recognizing the
cinematic potential

of Hillary Mishkin's "Rose Bush"

and in securing for
this firm a 2.5% share in

the profits of same.

For those not aware, the film
has opened to glowing reviews

and even more
importantly, boffo box office

and business is even
better the second week.

Moving on.

Victor, you're representing
Jeffrey Sullivan

in his cocaine trial?

- At my request, yes.

Apparently, the boy
trusts no one but Victor.

And Sullivan, Sr. was
eloquent in his plea

for representation.
- Like father, like son.

- Now, now, the boy may
have embarrassed us.

But he's entitled to the
best defense nevertheless.

- Proceeding.

Who is Evelyn Frost as regards
the Gwendolyn Merrywell Trust?

- The late Ms.
Merrywell set up a trust

for her niece and nephew.

And on their deaths,
their share was

to provide assistance for
the poor of Beverly Hills.

- Defined as what exactly?

Any poor wretch without
his own swimming pool?

- The nephew has d*ed

and the trustees haven't
distributed a dime yet.

The niece wants them
to live up to the intent

to help poor people
wherever they live.

- Very noble, Miss Kelsey.

Though perhaps you're forgetting

your fiscal responsibility
as a partner in this firm?

- The trustees are
sitting on $80 million.

And if my efforts can get
them to spend some of it

to alleviate some of
the suffering and misery

in this world, I happen to
think that's more significant

than generating
fees for this firm.

- Well, I suppose if you
shake an $80 million dollar tree,

something is bound
to fall our way.

Finally, Turtletaub
versus Turtletaub.

- Unfortunately,
we've just found out

that Mr. Turtletaub has
been less than candid

about his community assets.

- And Miss Perkins
is handling this?

- Well, she expressed
an interest in family law

and since I'm branching
into entertainment,

it seemed to make sense.

Anyway, I'll be
backstopping her.

- Arnold, what the
hell is going on here?

I thought we had an equitable
agreement worked out.

- According to our investigator,
your client's been hiding assets

in a holding company in
the Netherland Antilles.

- The same client who
testified under penalty of perjury

that he was too impoverished
to provide support for his wife

and child forcing my client to
take boarders into her home.

- It's possible there
was an oversight.

- Where else has
he got it stashed?

The Cayman Islands
maybe? Switzerland?

- Perhaps my client
could be persuaded

to throw another $100,000
into the community pot

in consideration of
a speedy settlement.

- With all due
respect, Miss Dupree,

I think your client
is a bum and a liar.

And until we've
had the opportunity

to fully investigate all
of his financial assets,

there can and will
be no settlement.

- Arnold?
- Don't look at him.

You're dealing with me.
And we're off the table.

- Well, the truth is, I
don't know how much

I'm gonna be able
to help you, Jeffrey.

- Come on, Mr. Sifuentes.

You must have gotten
hundreds of guys off

for lots worse than this.

- Jeffrey, it's a
dead bang loser.

- It was entrapment.

- Where do you see entrapment?

At the prelim, they played
a tape of you boasting

to the cop that you'd be able
to get him the greatest stuff

north of La Paz.

- I wasn't read my rights.

- 23 people heard him
read you your rights.

- Mr. Sifuentes, now don't
take this the wrong way.

Can we buy our way out of this?

- Whoa, listen, kid.
That ain't gonna fly.

Now if you're serious
about that, you go find

yourself another lawyer.

- I was just joking, okay?

I swear.

Just tell me what
you want me to do.

- Okay, I'm suggesting
that you plead guilty.

Now it's a first offense.

I can probably get you probation

and 45 days in the
county jail as a condition.

- I can't, Mr. Sifuentes.

I know I'm driving you nuts

and you're doing
a great job, really.

But if I cop to a
felony, it'll screw me up

with the ethics committee.

I'll never be a lawyer.

- Do you realize
that you're looking

at state jail time if
you're convicted?

- The jury will like me.
I can be very charming.

- The jury will resent you
for being a spoiled rich kid.

- I knew this guy and he got
busted with a gram in his car.

Now he cops to a
misdemeanor possession,

he does a year with a shrink

and has it totally
taken off his record.

I'd do that.

- Jeffrey, you were
selling cocaine.

They don't let
sellers cop to a mis.

- All my life, all I ever
wanted to be was a lawyer.

Don't let 'em take
my dreams away.

- Okay. I will talk to the D.A.

- You want me to go with you?

No, no. You're gonna do great.

Really.

- You haven't spent
dime one on the poor.

- Take a look at this
portfolio, my dear,

and tell me what you see.

- Drive down Olympic
Boulevard, Mr. Jarrett,

and tell me what you see.

People sleeping in
dumpsters, eating garbage.

Ugliness, Mr. Jarrett,
which can't be made pretty

by some fancy little graph

in your accountant's
coloring book.

- I see no cause
for indignation.

- People are starving,
sir. Some are dying.

As far as causes
for indignation go,

I'd say that's a damn good one!

- What would you have us do?

- Here is a list of
charitable foundations

which serve the needy.

They're all consistent
with the spirit of the trust.

And all you have to
do is sign the check.

- Just a minute.

Every one of these institutions
is outside the city limits

and the language of
the trust is quite explicit.

To the poor people
of Beverly Hills.

- She wanted to
help the homeless.

And if she had ever
thought that poverty

would be extinguished
in Beverly Hills,

she would have marked
the money for poor people

in other towns.

- My client's job, young
lady, is not to play would have,

could have or should have.

As trustees, they
must give the words

of the trust strict
construction.

The fact remains,
there are no poor people

in Beverly Hills at this time.

- It's too late anyway.

This year's interest
is already in escrow.

We're building a park in
Miss Merrywell's honor.

- What?

- Yes, with a beautiful
marble statue.

It's a lovely tribute.

- You're not spending
that money on a park.

I'll get an injunction.

- Not to lecture you
on the law, Miss Kelsey,

but the dispute here is a
matter of an interpretation.

And since yours is contrary
to the express wording

of the trust, no
judge in the world

will give you an injunction.

Any attorney worth her
salt should know that.

- You say the trust is for the
poor people of Beverly Hills?

- Mm-hmm.
- Fine.

Then it's the poor
people of Beverly Hills

who will stop you.

- And without the
injunction, Your Honor,

the fund will be severely
drained by buying

and developing that park.

The injury to my client will be
both immediate and irreparable.

- What client, Your Honor?

Beverly Hills has
no poor people.

Now if we can't take
judicial notice of that fact,

I direct the court's
attention to the affidavits

from the City Tax Assessor.

- Your Honor, you need not
own property to be a resident.

Residency is
satisfied by the intent

to remain indefinitely.

- Fine. Then show me
a person with that intent.

- I'd like to call a
witness, Your Honor.

- Well, this is not an
evidentiary hearing,

Miss Kelsey.

Can't you just give
me a declaration?

- Your Honor, this witness
neither reads nor writes.

She does have a
story to tell, however.

And I think the interest
of justice would be served

by letting her testify.

- This is most inappropriate.

- I'll ask the questions.
Call her up here.

- Miss Flaherty?

- Where do you
live, Miss Flaherty?

- In Beverly Hills.

- Where exactly
in Beverly Hills?

- Mostly in Roxbury Park.

Sometimes in peoples'
backyards if nobody's home.

- And you sleep in Roxbury Park?

- Yes, I do.

- And do you live all
by yourself, ma'am?

- I don't like other people.

I'd cut the first bastard
that messes with me.

- Bailiff?
- Come on, let me have it.

- Keep away from
me! I'll cut you!

- No one is gonna
hurt you, ma'am.

Miss Kelsey?
- Katie, please.

- Come on, come on.

- Can you just give it to me?

I promise I'll hold it for you.

- Okay.

You ain't lied to me yet.

- Okay.

- Thank you, ma'am.

Do you know how long
you've lived in Beverly Hills?

- Almost eight years. I
come from Chicago in '78.

Sorry damn place,
almost froze me plumbin'.

- Why Beverly Hills?

- I like the people and
the cops don't hit you!

And I like those fruit trees.

And I like the sounds of it.

Livin' in Beverly Hills.

- Do you ever move
around to other towns?

- I live in Roxbury Park!
I don't like other places!

I just stay home!

- All right. Well, thank you,
Miss Flaherty. That'll be all.

All right.

In light of the foregoing,
I'm satisfied for now

that Miss Flaherty
lives in Beverly Hills.

I'm therefore going to
grant plaintiff's request

for an injunction.

I'm going to also
place this case

on the advanced trial list.

Now the matter of Miss
Flaherty's residency,

of course, can again be
addressed at that time.

That'll be all.

Can I see counsel at the bench?

Settle this thing, Mr. Tucker.

Even if you somehow
dispose with Miss Flaherty,

I'm sure that there are other
such people similarly situated.

Now that would mean,
sir, that your whole case

would come down to convincing
me that your proposed park

is for the benefit
of these people.

You don't want your whole case
to come down to that, do you?

- Marilyn?
- Victor.

- Nice to see you again.

- Have a seat.

Not there. That was
my grandmother's chair.

- It's a beauty.

I've been looking
for a chair like that.

- Afraid I can't help you.

Now I assume you didn't
come here to discuss

interior decorating.

- Right. The Sullivan case.

- Plead to the felony,
a year in County.

- A year? Come on.
Clean kid, first offense?

Let's cut to a mis.

- Your clean kid was
a major dope dealer

on campus 'til he moved
his act to your law firm.

- That's hearsay, Marilyn,
which you can't make stick.

- Nice to know you haven't
changed at all, Victor.

Even now that you're defending
a better-paying class of scum.

- You got something against me?

- The Angeletti case,
Russell Putman?

You know, I have gone
against you five times.

And in each case, you
have used every back door,

unethical hustle to
get your client off.

- That's my job.

- That's your job?
Obscuring the truth?

- Look, there's no truth
to be obscured here.

I'm not denying the
fact of what the kid did.

But you can't deny
that there's 2,500 cases

backed up downtown.

20,000 inmates in a jail system
that's designed for 12,000.

You got murderers, rapists.

You got violent criminals
to worry about, Marilyn.

I just think that in
the scheme of things,

Jeffrey Sullivan is
pretty small potatoes.

- No misdemeanor.

Plead guilty to the
felony or no deal.

- No deal.

- I'm gonna nail that kid.
And I'm gonna nail you.

And I'm gonna love
every minute of it.

- I'll see you in court.

- The defendant reached
under the dropcloth

and extracted a
baggy filled with

a white powdery substance
resembling cocaine

which he handed to me.

As I took it from him, he
said, "Where's my $1,000?"

- What did you do at
that time, Detective?

- I told him he was under
arrest, read him rights

and took him into custody.

- Thank you, Detective.
No further questions.

- Mr. Sifuentes?

- Detective Mitchell,
did any money

change hands between
you and Mr. Sullivan?

- No.

- Oh, so in other
words, when you seized

the baggy from him, there was
no real transaction, was there?

- I didn't seize anything.
He delivered it to me.

Second, it's against LAPD policy

to carry cash around like that.

- Detective Mitchell, what
did you do with the baggy

that you say you confiscated
from the defendant?

- I placed it in
an evidence bag.

- Peoples Exhibit A?
- Yes.

- I'm just curious.

How could you be so
sure, Detective Mitchell,

that this is the very
same evidence bag?

- I placed my initials
on it with a felt tip pen.

R. M., right here.

I placed my
initials on the baggy

in a likewise fashion
with a grease tip marker.

- Could I see that, please?

- Is this some kind of trick?

- What? No!

- Move for dismissal,
Your Honor!

- Objection! Well,
this is outrageous!

- That's enough.

I wanna see both attorneys
in chambers, please.

Okay, what the hell
is going on here?

- Obviously, someone
stole the evidence!

- Without which the state
cannot establish the elements

of a crime, Your Honor.

For all the D.A. can
prove, Mr. Sullivan could

have been selling baby powder.

- We have a taped
transcript of the sale.

The testimony of
the undercover agent.

Plus, the lab analysis
of the evidence.

- Admitting the report
without the evidence in court

would deny my client
his constitutional right

to confront and
cross-examine the witnesses

and evidence against him!

- Your Honor, at the very
least, I'd move for a continuance.

- To what end?

You're the one who said
it was obviously stolen.

- Do you have any
realistic hope of finding

the evidence within
the statutory time?

- No, Your Honor.

- Well, then I'm afraid
he's got you, Miss Feldman.

I have no choice but to dismiss.

- Mr. Sifuentes?
Want to join us?

My dad's gonna take
us out to celebrate.

- Victor?

So you know, there's
gonna be a full investigation.

- Good. I'd like to know
what happened, too.

- Oh, I bet you would.
- What does that mean?

- Everyone knows
Victor Sifuentes

will do anything to win a case.

And if there's no other way,
he just steals the evidence!

- You have just bought
yourself a lawsuit, counselor.

- Yeah?

Well, in case you forgot, truth
is a total defense, counselor.

- Well, keep talking.

Believe me, I can use the money.

- I'm gonna see you disbarred.

- As a cop for 11 years,

and then six as a
lawyer in private practice.

I know the junkies,

the thieves and
the dope pushers.

And some of these guys, when
they come up on their first rap,

you know they made a mistake.

But others on their first rap,

you know they're hardened
criminals on the rise.

A judge needs to
know the difference.

I know them when I see them.

And that's the
experience I'll bring

to the Municipal bench.

Thank you.

- That concludes the
candidates' statements.

The floor is now
open for questions.

- Miss Van Owen?
- Yes?

- Miss Van Owen,
isn't it true that

to most of your colleagues
you are something

of a laughing stock?

- I beg your pardon?

- Isn't it true that you
walked out on your own

wedding two weeks with
someone in a gorilla suit?

- Well, that story has
been grossly exaggerated

and I won't even
dignify it with a response.

- Proving once again a picture
is worth a thousand words.

Who's the ape, Miss Van Owen?

- Grace, listen.

This whole thing's
gonna blow over!

- It will not blow over!

I can see the headlines now!

Candidate Van Owen
goes ape at wedding.

It's over! I'm pulling
out of the race.

- I wish you wouldn't do that.

- Michael, no advice.

- Grace...

- Everything has gone wrong
from the day that I met you.

- Oh, come on!
- Please, just leave me alone.

- I'll call you.

- No, don't.

I need the time to think.

- You're a difficult and
ornery woman, young lady.

- Thank you.

- But I cannot believe
that you expect us

to stand passively by
while this crazed bag lady

of yours becomes the
recipient of $80 million dollars.

- That was never my intent.

- Was it your intent to
have every homeless

ambulatory schizophrenic
in Los Angeles

move to Beverly Hills?

- Absolutely not.
- Well...

- Let her finish.

- For those poor people who
actually live in Beverly Hills,

I want a soup kitchen and
residential housing set up.

For the larger picture,
however, I will again give you

the list of charitable
foundations

which serve the needy
throughout Los Angeles.

- I still think we
can win this case

in a trial on its own merits.

- Gentlemen, while
I'm rattling my saber

and you are out watering your
hydrants over what amounts

to a territorial dispute,
there are thousands of people

in Los Angeles whose
genuine suffering

can be alleviated with
the funds from this trust.

I implore you, save us
all the time and expense

of a trial which we
both know you'll lose.

Do the decent and right thing.

Be the trustees of
Miss Merrywell's spirit

as well as her money!

What do you say?

- Grace Van Owen, please.
Michael Kuzak calling.

She must be there.

I just came from court and
I've been trying her at home.

Would you please
tell her that I called?

Thank you.

- We're not looking for a
lengthy and bitter dispute here.

In consideration of
which, we've compiled

a new and revised
schedule of assets.

In the interest of fairness,
our list of Mr. Turtletaub's

holdings now includes 125
shares of Aesop Productions,

gift from his father,
part ownership in

the racehorse "Gimme a Turtle",

the bank account in
the Netherland Antilles,

a 35-acre apple
orchard in Oregon

and a coin collection
valued at $458.

- Okay. Well, it'll
take some time

to investigate this new list.

In the interim,
we'll be asking for

an immediate increase in
monthly support to $8,000.

- God Almighty.

I mean, you make it sound
like I got a million bucks hidden

in some Swiss
vault or something.

- You cheap crook!
You probably do.

- Oh, that's great, great.

You know, you can sue
us and we can sue you.

And by the time
the dust settles,

the lawyers will be rich.

And there'll be nothing
left for us to split up!

- Your wife won't cave
in to that sort of bullying,

Mr. Turtletaub.

- Maybe she'll cave in
to this sort of bullying.

- What's that?

- Photos, Miss Perkins,
of Mrs. Turtletaub

in the backyard of her
home sunbathing topless

with her lesbian lover.

- What?
- Here's another.

She's caressing her lover.
- Let me see those!

- Oh, for God's sake,
this is Jessica Lehman.

She and her three-year-old live
with us to help meet expenses.

I'm not caressing her.

I'm putting suntan
lotion on her back.

- We plan to petition
the court to appoint

a guardian ad litem to represent

the special
interests of the child.

We also want Mrs. Turtletaub
and her lover to undergo

a psychological evaluation.

- How can you do this to me?

- On the other hand,
Mr. Turtletaub will not

contest the joint
custody provision

of the settlement agreement
as long as Mrs. Turtletaub

signs this amended
agreement right now as is

and agrees to terminate
her live-in relationship

with Ms. Lehman.

- Even if you could prove
a lesbian relationship...

- Which you can't.

- Mrs. Turtletaub's sexual
orientation has no bearing

on the quality of care.

- Why don't we
just let the court

decide that, Miss Perkins?

- You disgusting,
low-life snake!

You can't even meet my
eyes. This is such a crock!

- There's no way I'm gonna
let you poison my child.

You wanna hang out
with your d*ke friends,

fine, be my guest.

But you're not gonna
raise my little girl!

- Unless I sign the
agreement, then it's okay!

- You started this
brawl, lady, not me!

- I'll take her out of the state
before I let you have her.

- Miss Perkins, your client
is threatening a felony!

- You're the felon!

- Hey, that's it! The
hell with this agreement!

I wouldn't sign it now if
you got down on your knees!

By the time I'm through,
you wanna see that little kid,

you buy yourself a telescope.

- Stop it!

You are disgraceful,
both of you!

You're using a
six-year-old child

to b*at each other to death!

If you wanna punish each
other, that's your own business!

But you have no right to
destroy your child in the process!

How dare you use this
woman's child to blackmail her?

And how dare you thr*aten
to steal her from her father!

Do either one of you
know what it feels like

to not be able
to see your child?

Or even know where
he is? Well, I do.

And as far as I'm concerned,

neither one of you
is fit to be a parent!

- I understand the
poor and the homeless

have something to cheer about.

- How did you hear?

- Man by the name of
Jarrett called me a while ago.

- Jarrett from the bank?
- The same.

Said they're giving
in to your demands.

He said he liked your stuff.

So much so, he's asked
to retain you to handle

all the bank's
future litigations.

- Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.

Figures to be worth
a half million dollars

a year to us in fees.

- I can't believe this.

- Yes.

Well, here's another surprise.

- $87,000 to me?

- In light of your rain dance,

we've decided to waive
your buy-in to the partnership.

Hence the return
of your contribution.

- I don't know
what to say. It's...

- Well, it falls
short of reflecting

how proud I am of you, Ann.

You did a great thing
for a worthy cause.

And that check is
just our way of saying

that we like your stuff too.

- Victor?
- Marilyn?

- Great looking shirt.

I've been searching all over
for something in that color.

- Since I got to figure
that you didn't invite me out

to a $100 lunch to
quiz me on fashion tips,

I'm gonna take a wild
guess that this has something

to do with my lawsuit.

- I wanted you
to hear it from me.

There'll be some
arrests this afternoon.

- Oh, yeah?

- Three court clerks.

For the last six months,

they've been stealing
cocaine out of evidence.

Most of the time, the case
gets settled before trial,

so it never gets discovered.

Yesterday, LAPD
stung one of the guys.

And he rolled over
on the other two.

- Hmm. What you're saying
is my client just got lucky.

- Looks that way.
- Interesting.

And it sure does beef
up my slander suit now

that you've lost
your truth defense.

- Victor, isn't there
anything we can do?

I'd really like to
settle this out of court.

What do you want from my
life? You wanna see me squirm?

- For starters.

- What else? Anything.

- Well, you could apologize.

- I'm sorry,
Victor. I really am.

- A public apology.

- I'll write a letter
to The Times.

- And a press conference.

- Okay.

Thank you, Victor.

I appreciate how
reasonable you've been.

- And your chair.
- What?

- Your rocking chair.

- Well, I write all my opening

and closing
arguments in that chair!

That chair's priceless to me!

- Okay, no problem.

- Thank you.

- Yeah. I mean, with a
million dollar judgment,

I can go buy my
own chair, right?

- I'll have it delivered
to your office.

- May I take your order?

- Mm-hmm.

What's the most expensive
thing on your menu?

- Katie?

Katie?

- Oh! What do you want now?

- I just came to inform
my client that we won.

- I get the money?

- Well, you get food, clothing.

- Oh, I do my own shopping.
Give me some money.

- It isn't that simple.

But if you go down
and register at

the Residential
Hotel on Burton Way,

you'll find you have a bed.

And, for food, they're
gonna set up a soup kitchen

at the Presbyterian Church.

- I ain't goin' nowhere.

- But, Katie, these places are
gonna feed you and house you.

- Nobody tells me
where to and what to eat.

- But, Katie...

- If I wanted three
hots and a cot forever,

all I have to do
slit your throat.

- Put that away.

- You lied to me. You
told me I'd get the money,

and you're keeping
it for yourself.

But all I get is rules to
follow and lines to stand in.

And places to go!

- But, Katie, this is all
being done to help you.

- Help me? Give me money!

Just give me money,
you want to help me.

If you ain't a liar!

There, now this is help.

This is helping Katie.

- What are you gonna do with it?

- None of your damn
business. I do what I want.

This is help! Get
to do what I want!

And I cut anyone else
who messes with me.

Soup kitchen!

You're not telling
me where to go.

Katie helps herself.
Nobody helps Katie.

Katie helps Katie!

- Corrinne, you
wanted to see me?

- Yeah.

I just stopped down in
the wake of your outburst

to tell you that Garth
Turtletaub telephoned me.

He and his wife sat down
alone after the meeting

and they're willing to set
aside the custody issue

for the time being.
- That's good.

- Assuming cooperation
from your end,

I'd like to reconvene in
the next couple of days.

See if we can't hammer
out the agreement.

- Fine.

- As a personal aside, I'd
have to say that you managed

to interject a
refreshing dose of...

- Naivety?

- No, of morality
to the proceedings.

- Thank you.

- Given time, you'll
probably get over it.

- The woman of the hour.
- Hi, Stuart.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

- Plus, I hear you made
so much rain for this firm,

we're all gonna have
to wear galoshes.

- Speaking of which,
Leland waived my buy-in.

I am gonna be able
to pay you back in full.

- Well, try not to
get too excited.

- I wish I could.

- Are you kidding?

You just shook, what,
$8 million dollars a year

from that trust? You're a hero.

- That's what I thought
until I went to tell my client.

She practically spit in my eye.

She doesn't want clinics
or hot meals or clean beds.

- What does she want?

A suite at the
Beverly Hills Hotel?

- She wants the cash.
- Oh.

- She wants to be
left the hell alone

which effectively means
that not one nickel of that trust

is gonna get to her or
to the thousands like her.

- And you think
this is your fault?

- Society has abandoned them.

- No. It sounds to me like
they've abandoned society.

- Okay, it's their fault,
but what's the answer?

Are we supposed to just
pretend they don't exist?

Roll up the windows,
jack up the car radio

and try not to think about
the homeless subculture

living out of their
shopping carts.

Because the richest society
in the world can't figure out

a way to take care of them?

- Ann, money can't
solve every problem.

And I'll tell you
something else,

every problem can't be solved.

But at least now there's
$8 million dollars a year,

compliments of Ann
Kelsey, that's gonna help feed

and clothe and shelter
an awful lot of people

who otherwise wouldn't
have had anything.

I think that's pretty terrific.

I'll tell you something else.

I think you're pretty terrific.

- If you say so.
- Yeah, I say so.

I also say you owe me dinner.

- You got it.
- All right.

Le Singe? I'll make
the reservation.

- Isn't that pretty expensive?

- Ann, you just got
an $87,000 bonus.

You worried about dinner?

- Money. Either I
feel guilty for having it

or I feel cheated
for not having it.

- Okay, I give up.
I'll tell you what.

I'll cook dinner at home.

I'll whip up a really
dry tuna fish casserole.

And then we'll cr*ck a
bottle of really cheap jug wine.

- In bed?
- Yeah.

- Sounds great.
- 8:00.

Be there and bring your jammies.

- Come in.

- Ta-da!

- Oh, look who's
back. You balloonatic!

Oh, your timing is perfect.

I have been aching
to speak to you.

No, don't say a word.

For the first time in
my life, I am really free

of all the things I
was supposed to be.

A good girl, a good
wife, a good judge.

And I'm finally free
of Kevin, finally.

I was carrying around
this guilt in my gut

and it was poisoning
my passion for you.

But now I don't feel
like he's this poor

helpless creature I
mortally wounded.

And I know I'm babbling.

But, damn it, it feels so good.

And you have been so patient.

But I am so turned on right now.

So why don't you
take this suit off, mister.

And we're gonna do
something right here

in my office that we
could get arrested for

in any other state.

I love you, Mickey.

- I love you too.

- Security?

This is Abigail Perkins

at McKenzie, Brackman,
Chaney, Kuzak.

I think we have
a burglar up here.

- Take the back!

- Dwight.

- Freeze it, bub!

Fred, he's coming
to you! He's yours!

- I said, freeze!

- The hell with you!

You pushed my
face into the carpet!

- You wanna see me do it again?

- Hey, hey, hey! Shut up!

What were you doing up here?

- I've got a key, okay?
I used to work here.

I left some paperwork
behind and I came to get it.

- He worked here?

- Up until a few weeks ago.

- Oh, you guys
are in for it now.

My attorney's here.

- All right, what's
going on here?

- We got a call these
guys made a drug pop.

- They're not even real cops!

- Now they say the
old guy sucked it up

with the vacuum sweeper.

- I just checked the
conference room.

If he had a stash in
there, it's gone now.

- Well, what about
the baggy, huh?

- What about it? It's empty.

It's soaked with carpet goo.

And it's got your crummy
fingerprints all over it.

- I don't know anything
about this, Mr. Sifuentes.

I was just up here looking for
some paperwork I left behind

and these g*ons jumped me.

I'm gonna sue you guys
for about a million bucks...

- Doesn't this guy ever shut up?

- Hey, aren't you
gonna arrest him, huh?

- For what? Stupidity?

- If that were a crime, you
guys would be doin' life.

- Hey!

He's all yours, counselor.

- Hey, hey, hey!

Thanks.

Do you believe this?
I'm gonna file a lawsuit.

as*ault, illegal
search and seizure.

- Go home, Jeffrey.

- What?

You don't really believe all
this, do you, Mr. Sifuentes?

I swear, after all
I've been through?

Those dr*gs probably
belonged to the old black guy.

- Go home, Jeffrey, now.
Before your luck runs out

and I throw you
through a window.

You got that?

- Absolutely.

Loud and clear.

- And then I locked the doors

and I'm running my
hands all over his ape suit.

Telling him hot I am.

And all the things
I'm going to do to him.

I almost r*ped the poor guy.

So next time, send me flowers
like my other boyfriends do.

- Do you sort of coax
your eyebrows up like that?

Or do they grow that
way by themselves?

- I have them styled.
- Styled? Really?

- Look, Mickey, I
know I've been difficult

these last couple of weeks.

And you have been
incredibly sensitive and patient.

- Well, I'm a very
evolved person.

- Not that evolved.

The point being
is that I am finally

and totally unconflicted.

I don't feel guilty
about Kevin anymore.

I'm actually relieved
about not running for judge.

- Oh. So am I.
- Really?

- Well, you never would have
gone out in public with me.

- What I'm trying to say
here is that now that we have,

I'm experiencing this
very pressing need

to be private with you.

- Pressing where?
- All over.

- An extremely hot plate.

- Uh, could you
put both the dinners,

plus the champagne,
into a doggie bag.

And bring us the
check right away.

Extremely hot date.

- Thank you, Mickey.