01x14 - The Douglas Fur Ball

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- Previously on L.A. Law...

- I don't take computer
fraud lightly, counselor.

Your client accessed the
records of the telephone company

and deleted all his
friends' phone bills.

- That young man
is in love with you.

- Go on.

- I probably shouldn't say this.

Don't hate me for it.

I think I love you.

- Mr. Cromwell, it's
tragic that the pilot

and those five passengers d*ed

and I don't doubt
that we all sympathize

with their families.

But the fact remains, this
tragedy was not your fault.

- I'm very attracted to you.

- I should tell you, George,

that I'm involved with someone.

- Look, I'm trying
not to overreact

at this or anything.

But I'm jealous of this guy.

- Your Honor, I have
reason to believe

that one of my witnesses
has lied on the stand.

- You're no virgin, Mr. Kuzak.

Witnesses lie on
the stand every day.

- I'm unwilling to
proceed, Your Honor.

- You're in contempt of court.

Bailiff, take
Mr. Kuzak into custody.

- All rise!

- Before we get started,
who's got a tan Buick

with California plate
number 1EOH101?

- That's me, Your Honor.
Is there something wrong?

- You might say that.
You're parked in my spot.

Well, what are you
looking at me for?

You're holding up a
courtroom full of people.

Go move your car!

Stan, put my car where
it's supposed to be.

Clerk, call the first case.

- Kuzak versus Superior
Court. Be seated.

- I have a feeling I know
why you're here, Leland.

You are no doubt going
to demonstrate to me

the error of my ways as you've
done so many times in the past.

Am I right?

- Not I, Your Honor.

I have a writ from
the Court of Appeals

ordering you to
instruct the jailer

to release Michael
Kuzak forthwith.

- Well now, McKenzie,
Brackman certainly

takes care of its people. Okay.

You've got your Mr. Kuzak back.

He might benefit
from your tutelage

on proper conduct
of a criminal trial.

And since I don't recall your
ever having been reticent

about imparting your
wisdom to others,

I'm sure that's just
what he'll receive.

- Well, as of right
now, I'm unaware of any

misconduct on Mr. Kuzak's part.

- Are you saying I exceeded
my authority in some way?

Are you implying that I
was in error by punishing

Mr. Kuzak for contempt?

- I believe the Court of Appeals

has spoken on that
issue, Your Honor.

- Does this writ say
anywhere that I was in error?

- I take that to be the
import of it, mm-hmm.

- Leland, you're a
wizard of ambiguity,

you know that?

You can turn a phrase
that creeps on cat feet

up to the edge of being definite

then turns and disappears
without leaving a trace.

Now I'm going to do
something that I daresay

no one has ever
done to you before.

I'm going to ask you a question.

And if you give me anything
other than a one-word answer,

the two possible
choices being yes and no,

I'm going to cite you
for contempt of court

and someone else is gonna
have to come down here

and get the both of you out.

Now my question is,
does this writ say anywhere

that I was in error?

- No.

- Good.

Then what we have is a
case of the Court of Appeals

exercising their authority

differently than I
exercised mine.

This isn't the first
time that's happened.

I'm sure it won't be the last.

Release Kuzak.

It's always a pleasure
to see you, Leland.

- Take the day, pal.

He's all yours.

- Will the court officer
instruct the gentleman

who's reading his newspaper
that this isn't a bus station?

- Michael, how do you feel?

- You know how when
American hostages are released,

they usually take 'em
to a U.S. Air Force base

in West Germany so
they can get checked out?

Sort of decompress
before going home?

- Uh-huh.

- Well, what I need right now is

for us to go to a comfortable,
professionally-run hotel,

take ourselves a room,

order up a bunch
of room service.

I can get checked out

and then undergo a
concentrated regimen

of physiological rehabilitation.

- Okay.

- Gracie?

Gracie, were you faithful
to me while I was in prison?

- I tried, Mickey, but two
days is an awful long time.

- Hey, where were you?

- Just analyzing some data.

- You don't wanna be late to
a sentencing hearing, Andrew.

It sends out the
wrong kind of message.

- Yeah, but this
wasn't just any data.

I mean, I was
completing a crash course

in Judge John Englander.

- I don't follow.

- Based on a
correlation of incidents

and variance analysis, I
can expect to be sentenced

to six months summary probation

and 80 hours of
community service.

- Yeah, well, I
hope you're right

but I think you could
be looking at a year.

- No way. I plotted the
judge's sentencing record

against the standard
deviation curve.

That's an X-Y kind of thing.

Now the projection is
based upon a defendant

who is a white
male, age 17 to 22

from a middle to upper
middle income group

with no prior convictions

and a felony which
entailed no v*olence.

- What about for a non-white?

- Well, if you're talking
about the Ortega case,

I'd be concerned.

Hey, if you want, I can
do an analysis for you.

- And so, based on the
careful examination of the report

and the recommendation
submitted to me

and based on the fact
that this is a first offense

and the defendant
appears to be keeping

to the straight and
narrow, I believe no purpose

would be served
by incarceration.

Instead, I sentence the
defendant, Andrew Putnam,

to six months summary probation

and 80 hours community service.

Don't disappoint me, young man.

- That's fine. We'll
see you at 4:00?

- Thank you.
- Oh, boy.

- Douglas, what happened?

- I broke my ankle
playing racquet ball.

- Well, here, let me help you.
- That's quite all right.

I've gotta start getting
used to these things.

The doctor says I'll
be hobbling around

for the next six weeks.

- Are you in a lot of pain?
- What do you think?

- Thanks, Victor. And
how is our jailbird?

Does his absence
this morning mean

we failed in securing his
release from the pokey?

- He's out and
he's taking the day.

- Well, as soon as
he's recuperated,

I want him to jump
this Cromwell situation.

- Actually, Douglas, I don't
think we're gonna need him.

- In all deference to your
good labors in this matter,

trial date will be upon
us sooner than we think

and we need to bring our
best litigator up to speed.

- I'm on top of it, Douglas.
George Cromwell trusts me.

We have an excellent rapport.

And in my opinion,
he'd object to having

another litigator brought
in this deep in the case.

- Don't you think you're
being a little proprietary, Ann?

I mean, I think that's something

for George Cromwell to
decide, don't you think?

- Excuse me?

- I just think that,
if Michael has

his decks cleared, he
should jump into the fray.

- If Ann feels confident
and in control of her case,

I think we should
leave her alone.

- Thank you, Leland.

- People versus Ortega.

- Yeah. My client's charged
with knocking over a bar.

- People versus Putnam.

- Six months summary
probation and community service.

- As an aside, my compliments
to the young genius.

Our phone system
is finally working

the way it's supposed
to. Richardson Estate?

- Notice of Elections filed.

- Morning.

- Mr. Heidegger.

I hope we didn't
drag you out of bed.

- Is there a problem?

I didn't have any
appointments this morning.

- And why is that?

- Well, nobody gave me any.

- And that's your understanding
of the job description?

Dribbling your time
away like a doofus?

Collecting an excess
of $1,000 a week?

Waiting for someone to
throw busy work your way?

- Hey, I'm sorry.

- Well, if there's nothing
more, we're adjourned.

- Mr. Brackman?
- That's me.

- I have some papers for you.

- My assistant can
see you're provided

with the necessary
acknowledgment of service.

- No good, chief.
This goes to you direct.

It's a summons.

- Ann?

I'm sorry.

I was out of line,
definitely way out of line.

I have no right stepping on

your professional
life like that.

- I really appreciate your
recognizing that, Stuart.

- Ann?

Ann?

I know this isn't very cool
of me to admit or anything.

But I've just become
like a basket case

ever since you got
involved with this guy.

- Stuart, there is
no involvement.

And maybe we can talk later.

But right now, if
you'll excuse me,

I have a meeting to prepare for.

- Arnold? Just so you
know, I didn't start it.

- Oh, boy.

- Let the chips fall
where they may.

I didn't plan it, I didn't
mean for it to happen.

But now that it has,
now that Sheila's

taken the first step, so be it.

- What brought this on?

- She found out I
was having an affair.

- You?

- The truth is, I've
been having a little fling

with a low-impact aerobics
instructor from Playa Del Ray.

We were on our
way to her apartment

when the little vixen

said something
particularly provocative.

I tried to take a shortcut
to her front door and...

I didn't break my ankle
playing racquet ball.

I broke it hurtling a hedge.
She took me to the hospital

and some idiot in
the billing department

called to confirm my
insurance coverage.

Sheila came racing down
to the emergency room

and found Shannon
holding my hand.

- How committed is she
to the idea of divorce?

- Who cares? I'd just
as soon hold her to it.

- That's now, Douglas.

But when you've had a
chance to think about it a little,

I'm sure you'll agree.

Divorce is a pretty drastic
solution to any problems

you and Sheila are having.

- And I think a drastic solution

may be just what
the doctor ordered.

17 years of trudging home
to Sheila night after night?

By 9:00, we've eaten,
the small talk's over.

She's in bed, I've had
a stiff belt of Maalox

and I'm drowsing on
the living room couch

still bloated from dinner.

I'm looking to
cut loose a little.

Fatten up the old address book.

I wanna see 20 girls
naked in the coming year.

I guess I wanna
live the life of Becker.

- I guess I have had my share.

- You've had mine as well.

- Trust me, it's not always
the thrill you think it is.

- I'd like to be
the judge of that.

- Look, Douglas, you
can do whatever you want.

But I've gotta tell you, a
divorce will not be painless.

Besides the emotional anguish
which you're gonna go through,

and believe me,
you will go through it,

Sheila is in a position to wreak
absolute havoc with this firm.

- Do you think she'd
go after the partnership?

- Count on it.

You can also count
on the probability of

a claim on all future
earnings if she can show

a substantial contribution
to your legal education.

- Oh, my God. That's horrible.

- It's not a pretty picture.

- So you think we're
being a little precipitous?

- After 17 years, I don't
think one little deep knee bend

with an aerobics instructor
is reason for divorce, no.

- It's easy for you say.

- Look, let me arrange
a conference with Sheila

and her attorney
with the idea of maybe

reconciling your differences.

And if we need to, we'll
play hardball later on.

- I'll leave it up to you
to guide me, Arnold.

- How's the
decompression coming?

- Decompression
largely complete.

Serenity's setting in.

- Michael, just what happened
to you in jail this weekend?

- A lot.

I don't wanna make
it sound like I'm back

from 18 years in Siberia,

but it was a hell
of an experience.

Lying there on a cot,
guys yelling, bars clanging.

I got to see the world
through Sid Hershberg's eyes.

I actually began to feel
the despair that he felt.

How he had to k*ll himself
to get out of his own prison.

How I had to go
to prison to find out

and understand
how really free I am.

- So we're done with Sid now?

Sid's history?

We can get on with our lives?

- Yeah.

- Good, because all this
stuff about seeing the world

through Sid's eyes
scares the poo out of me.

- If Sid's eyes saw what
mine do now, they would

never have seen the
world the way they did.

You're the best thing that
ever happened to me, Gracie.

And I guess I can
thank him for showing me

how lucky I am to have you.

- Then here's to Sid.

- To Sid.

- McKenzie, Brackman?

- I'm sorry. I will
not be available...

- Can you hold a moment?

Yes? May I help you?

- Oh, Leland!
- Let me transfer you.

- Morris?

- Got a few minutes
for an old classmate?

- Yes. What brings you here?

- Well, for starters,
I'd like to apologize

for my behavior which
I know was a bit rash.

- Incarcerating an attorney

without granting a stay
is more than a bit rash.

- Perhaps, but if my
judgment was clouded, Leland,

it's just that my job
has rendered me

a little short of temper lately.

I'm getting out.

- What? After some
25 years on the bench?

- There's no
satisfaction anymore.

What few rewards there
are don't seem to be

particularly sustaining.

When you walked into
my courtroom this morning,

I suddenly saw all the things
that have passed me by,

including the
money, I must admit.

- Well, I'm sure
you'll have no trouble.

The firms in town will
start a feeding frenzy

over a Superior Court judge.

- Actually, Leland, I'm
here to give you first bite.

- Hmm, you wanna work here?

- I think you know that I
wouldn't be approaching you

if I wasn't damn certain that
I had a contribution to make.

- Well, I have no
doubt about that.

But we are a very small firm.

- And I can help you grow.

I've made a lot of connections
in my years, Leland.

I can be very valuable.

- Hmm, naturally,
this is something

I'd have to take up
with the other partners.

- Oh, I understand completely.

And if it helps in any way,
you can tell Mike Kuzak

I'll be willing to have
my name come after his.

You can also tell him I'm sorry.

- I'll pass that on.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi, Andrew. How'd it go?

- Well, unsupervised probation
and some community service.

- Oh, great.

- So, actually, what
I was thinking...

Well, what I was hoping,
I'd like you to have dinner

with me tomorrow.

- Oh, I don't know.

- To celebrate.

You know, I already
made the reservation.

Please?
- Well...

- Do you like French food?

You'll love this place.

I'll pick you up at 7:30, okay?

- Okay.

- Great. That's great.

- Some enchanted evening?

- Oh, Arnie, stop. What
was I supposed to do?

- And the bar was
closed at this time?

- Well, I didn't think
anybody was there

'til I come out of the kitchen.

And see the cash
register busted open.

And that guy running
away with the money.

- Let the record
reflect that the witness

has again indicated the
defendant, Francisco Ortega.

Your witness.

- Thank you.

When the police
arrived, you told them

that you couldn't identify
the suspect, didn't you?

- Well, I didn't think I could
until I saw him in the lineup.

- Did you know,
sir, that Mr. Ortega

was sitting on a
stool in your bar

two nights before the robbery?

- I didn't know that until
the District Attorney told me.

- Tell me something,
Mr. Simpson.

If you were serving a
guy for a three-hour period

and then you saw
him two nights later,

he'd look familiar, wouldn't he?

- Objection! Hypothetical.
- Overruled.

- Isn't it possible, sir,
that you recognized

my client because he
was a customer in your bar?

That when you saw him
in the lineup, the only thing

that triggered in your mind was
that you had seen him before?

- He's the man I
saw with the money!

- The kitchen door and the
exit are at opposite ends.

If he was running away
when you first came in,

you couldn't see his face.

- I saw him from the side.
- The side?

He was headed in
the opposite direction.

You saw his back.

- I had an angle from the side.

- And you testified that,
when you first saw him,

he was just at the door.

So at best, we are talking
about a two or three-second

look from the side.

- Something like that.

- Mr. Simpson, I have no doubt
that you are an honest man.

I want you to tell me if
the following scenario

is possible, okay?

Just if it's possible.

You walk into a room and you
see a man running out the door.

You really don't get a
good look at his face.

It's all happening so fast.

The police come
and you tell them

that you really are
not gonna be able

to identify who did it.

But when they take
you down to the station,

they show you a face
that you have seen before.

And you say to yourself,
"That must be him."

That's possible,
isn't it, Mr. Simpson?

- Anything's possible.

- Thank you, sir.

No further questions.

- Your Honor,
this is outrageous.

Counsel is asking
for summary judgment

when there are substantial
questions of material fact.

- I'm asking for
judgment only on

the second and third
causes of action, Your Honor.

Which go to design defect only.

- Which is a big
part of our case.

- Counselors?

- So big, he didn't come
up with a single fact

in support of it.
- Miss Kelsey...

- So big, they didn't file
any affidavits or exhibits

which would indicate
anything defective in that plane.

- I must agree, Mr. McLeish,
that the evidence in support

of the allegations contained
in the second and third causes

of action is rather thin.

Have you got anything else?

- Your Honor, I have
submitted numerous affidavits

which go to the sophisticated
nature of the craft.

Such sophistication rendering it

virtually inoperable
by the deceased.

- Which goes only to
the negligence theory

in the first cause of
action, Your Honor.

And has nothing whatever
to do with the question

of design defect.

- She's got you, sir.

- I'm going to sustain you
on the first cause of action.

But as to the second and third,

there is simply no genuine
issue of material fact.

- I disagree.

- Judgment in favor
of defendant as

to the second and
third causes of action.

Counsel for both sides
should prepare to proceed

to trial on the first
cause of action only.

Thank you both.

- Brilliant.

- Thank you.

- I still can't believe
it. You were just great.

Yes, that'll be fine. Thank you.

- I felt pretty good.

- You were better than that.

You were all the champion
I could have wanted.

- Well, we haven't won yet.

- That's all right.

Your argument alone
deserves a celebration.

- At least it had
the desired effect.

- Speaking of which, I'd
like to tell you the effect

of watching you in
action had on me.

I intend to involve McKenzie,
Brackman in the affairs

of Cromwell Aviation more
than I originally intended.

See, we're planning
an acquisition next year

and I've been told
that there's a possibility

we could be involved in
some anti-trust problems.

I'd like it if you
would navigate.

- Well, there are a
couple of people at the firm

with very solid
anti-trust experience.

- Ann, I'd like you
to know something.

As far as I'm concerned,
McKenzie, Brackman,

well, it's you.

- You shouldn't
take your lawyer out

like this before
the case is over.

I'm glad I don't have to
be in court in the morning.

- I'm sure you'd do just fine.

- You show a lot of faith
in me. I've gotta say that.

- Complete faith.

- It's appreciated.

- It's well-earned.

- Thank you for dinner.

- Thank you for the company.

- Excuse me?

When were you planning
on saying something to me?

Around the time
the two of you took

a long weekend
together in Paris?

- Stuart, could we
possibly do this later?

- Save the continuances
for court, Ann, okay?

- Okay, Stuart.

There's obviously a
series of burning questions

that you're afraid to ask.

So let me answer them.

Yes, he does have a
romantic interest in me.

No, that doesn't
bother me particularly.

And, no, I haven't
slept with him.

- So far.

You gonna sleep
with him in the future?

- You know, the fact
that you feel compelled

to ask that question
means that we do

have a problem, you and I.

But the problem isn't
George Cromwell.

- No, huh-uh.

No, George
Cromwell is just a guy

that you kissed last night.

- What?
- I saw you, Ann.

- You spied on me?
- I started out just waiting.

- Waiting for what?

- Waiting for you to come home.

- You knew I went
out to dinner with him.

- Ann, does dinner necessarily
entail coming home drunk?

Forgive me, Ann.

The last time I saw
you that plowed,

you went to bed with me.

And you didn't even remember it.

- I will not be made
to feel like a slut

because I had
dinner with my client.

And I will not tolerate
your spying on me!

- I'm jealous, Ann.
Forgive me, I'm jealous.

Is that a big sin
where you come from?

- You're more than jealous.

The problem you have
with George Cromwell

is entirely in your mind.

If he didn't exist, you'd
think of something else.

- Wrong, because you
could have shut him down

and you didn't.

You let him wonder
and you let him hope.

You let him, Ann.

You let him kiss you.

- What was I
supposed to do, Stuart?

Punch out his lights?

Stop smothering me!

We have gone from
friendship to courtship

to total domesticity so fast,

I feel like I can't breath!

You are the sweetest man
that I've ever met, Stuart.

But you are also the neediest.

- Well, maybe you need
somebody a little less needy.

- Now, I'd like to
report happily that,

as basketball season is over,

Mr. Heidegger has been
prevailed upon to tender

his long-overdue resignation.

So, if there's nothing more,

Arnold and I are
expected across town.

- I have one more
piece of business.

Judge Morris Hood
of Superior Court

has approached me with the news

that he's looking to
retire from the bench

and he'd like to join this firm.

- Are you kidding?

- Wait a minute.

This is the same guy that
threw Mike in the slam?

- Yeah. Morris and I have known
each other since law school.

He is a seasoned jurist.

And there's no doubt he
can make a contribution here.

- Wait a minute.

Are you telling us that
you've already invited him?

- I told him that I would air it
with the members of the firm.

So I now throw it open to you.

- Absolutely not.

Quite apart from the
personality conflicts

which will inevitably
result, the fact is,

this firm needs
more foot soldiers.

The last thing we
need is another general.

- Yeah, I agree.

I think we ought
to reject him simply

out of solidarity to Mike.

Besides which, this is
definitely not the time

earnings-wise to take on
another profit participant.

- What are your
feelings about it, Leland?

- At the present, I
would rather not say.

- Well, whatever you
do say can and will be

used against you by
somebody sometime.

- You brought it up.

You've gotta have feelings
one way or the other.

- Knowing him for
as long as you have,

you're in the best position
to guide us, Leland.

- I think that's exactly
what he's doing, Douglas.

- Oh, Morris, surely
you can understand

that I'm under serious
constraints here.

What my firm is in need of
is associates, not partners.

That's just a hard
economic fact.

- Why didn't you offer me
a position as an associate

in that case?

- Oh, come on, Morris.
- Why not?

Were you afraid I'd accept?

- I'm no more about to
become your employer

than you are mine.

If you and I are to
have an association,

I wouldn't think of
doing it on anything

other than a partnership basis.

- Oh, the ways that exist
for telling someone no.

The ways in which I've heard it.

My hands are tied, Morris.
I wish it had been up to me.

I've got bigger things
in mind for you, Morris.

Play ball on this, Morris.

There's a federal
judgeship in it for you.

- If you were coming
in at any other time,

I'm sure the others could
have been persuaded.

- If you wanted me, you
could have done it now.

But once you decided against me,

it was a dead issue as far as
anyone else was concerned.

Let's face it, Leland.

You're afraid of the
competition a presence

like mine would generate!

- I'm not afraid of
competition, Morris.

The truth is, I have
no reason to expect

your temperament as attorney
to be any more to my liking

than your
temperament as a judge!

- Well, I've watched kids
out of school two, three years

come before me making
more money than I'll ever see.

You're damn right my temperament

can get a little nasty.

- Oh, damn it! There's
more to this than money!

- Well, one time there was.

My ambition ran to politics.

But when the Democrats
lost the state House in '66,

that ambition became a
drawer full of mementos

and a file cabinet full
of failure that sits next

to the water heater
in my basement.

They give me a parking
place next to the courthouse.

They let me sit on
the dais at dinners.

But they told me Superior
Court is as far as I go.

Now I don't care
if it doesn't live up

to your lofty ideals, ideals
you can so easily afford

to indulge in.

My dreams have been broken.

What I want is the money.

- That's mine.

- I realize that an
expensive lunch

is only proper form for telling
someone thanks, but no thanks.

And while I don't want
to appear ungracious

or unappreciative
of the hospitality

and the largess,
thanks, but no thanks.

- This way, gentlemen.

- Thank you. There you go.

- Good morning, gentlemen.

- Lisa? Where's Alvin?

- I'll be handling the
preliminary stages

of this case.

- I didn't even know
that you worked here.

- Shall we get started?

I read a copy of
your settlement offer.

And I was wondering if I
could take a look at your copy.

- Why do you wanna see our copy?

- I think there may be some
pages missing from mine.

- Pages missing?
- Yes.

I didn't see anything in
there about the partnership.

I assumed it was
a clerical error.

- What were you expecting to see

about the partnership, Lisa?

- Mr. Brackman is
a managing partner

with vested interests in all
income earned by your firm.

Before we even begin
serious discussions,

I need to see
financial statements

going back nine
years or coterminous

with his being made partner.

- Don't you think that
might be a little premature?

Particularly in light of
the fact that Mr. Brackman

feels extreme remorse
about this entire matter?

We'd very much like
to explore the possibility

of a reconciliation
with Mrs. Brackman

in spite of the circumstances.

It's nice to see you, Sheila.

- I have advised
my client to resist

any attempt at reconciliation.

- Have you advised
your client as well

of the fact that you have a
personal a* to grind with me?

- Mr. Becker must be
referring to an extremely

brief romantic incident in
which we were both involved.

- You apparently mistake
ambition for romance.

But that's not surprising

coming from someone
whose only passion

is scrambling up on
the backs of others.

- How would you know
what my passion is?

I never displayed
any of it to you.

- Oh, what was it? Make believe?

- That, or pity.

There's something so
desperate about you, Becker.

The way you always
fuss over your clothes

and your car and your condo.

- Who's more
desperate than you, Lisa?

Oh, you're fairly young now.

But in a few years,
you're gonna be clutching

at a box of saltines late
at night trying to figure out

how it is that you managed
to wind up so all alone!

- And where will
you be, I wonder?

Probably tucked in
bed somewhere with

the largest collection of
p*rn videotapes

in west L.A.

You'll lull yourself to
sleep with the images

of naked strangers
on the screen.

Young ones, Arnie,
the younger the better.

And you watching them,
fat, burnt out and bald!

- Excuse me!

Whose divorce is this?

Sheila, I can't help
feeling that this

is getting away from us.

- That's what usually
happens when you start

trying to jump over
another woman's bushes.

- I had an affair.
These things happen.

I have no doubt that there
are consequences to that.

- You better believe it, mister.

- I'm willing to try
to patch things up.

- Well, maybe I'm not.

And it has nothing to do
with this affair, Douglas.

You've had affairs,
I've had affairs.

It runs deeper than that.
- You've had affairs?

What kind of affairs
have you had?

- They didn't amount to much.

The point is, I am more than
just a housewife or a cosigner.

I need attention.

- I just need to get
this straight in my mind.

Have you had multiple affairs?

Was it once?

Was it someone I know?

- It was the pool man, okay?

- Angelo?

- Tony, the new pool man.

- Oh, my God.

- Look, you both had a
little extracurricular activity.

- Who else? The
kitchen contractor?

The roofer? Oh, my God.

What's his name? The tennis pro!

- Bjorn.

- People, please, look.

The important thing here
is not what you've done

outside the bonds
of your marriage.

But what you've built
within the marriage.

- Oh, please.

- A home, a family, a life.

- I can't stand the thought
of you with another man.

- I thought we were
getting a divorce here.

- There's no one who
wants you more than I.

Take me back, Sheila, please.

- Douglas, are you begging me?

- Yes.

- All right.

- Mr. Sifuentes, Mr. Aoli?

Having considered
your closing arguments

and having heard the
testimony you used at

three days of trial, including
that of an eye witness

I found to be
substantially credible,

I now find the defendant,
Francisco Ortega,

guilty of robbery
in the first degree.

Sentencing set
February 9, 10 a.m.

- Your Honor, at this
time, I move for a new trial

and the disqualification of
Your Honor from this case.

- On what grounds?

- Bigotry, Your Honor.

- This statistical
analysis demonstrates

a clear-cut r*cist
predisposition based

on Your Honor's
conviction and sentencing

record over the years.

- That's outrageous!

- Your Honor's conviction
rate in non-jury trials

for non-white defendants
when the prosecution

has a white eye witness
is nearly six times as great

as when the defendant
is white or the eye witness

is non-white.

This includes Your Honor's
time on the Municipal

as well as the Superior Court's.

And it clearly demonstrates
that Your Honor's racism

has served to deny
my client a fair trial.

- I don't know what
all this is, counselor,

but I'll tell you,
you're way out of line.

- Your Honor, I am not
trying to provoke or offend you.

But the fact remains
that these statistics...

- Don't stand there
calling me a r*cist

and pretend you're not
trying to provoke or offend me!

I sit here very much
offended, Mr. Sifuentes!

- Shall I take this to be a
denial of my motion, sir?

- Take it as a personal
response to your accusation!

I'll respond in my official
capacity at a later date!

In the meantime, this motion
is taken under advisement.

- May I help you?

- I have a reservation for two
under the name of Putnam.

- Putnam, Putnam,
Putnam. Thank you.

Right this way, if you would.

Enjoy your dinner.

- How much you
supposed to tip those guys?

- I've never really
known, Andrew.

Maybe $5.

- Really? Gee, I wish I'd
known. I just gave him $2.

- It's all right,
really. $2 is fine.

- I hope you're right.

You don't think I
should just go over

and give him the difference?

- No, definitely not.
It's not a big thing.

- Good evening.

Would you care for
anything from the bar?

- Yes.

We'd like a bottle of Dom
Perignon, please, chilled.

- So, this must be a tremendous
weight off your shoulders.

- Oh, it is.

I intend to put
that all behind me.

- I am sorry to bother you, sir.

But I wonder if I might
see some identification

that would verify your age?

- My age?

Well, actually, gentlemen,
that's quite a compliment.

I appreciate it.

You know, if it's
just a thing of an ID...

- Why don't I just
order the champagne?

- If your companion is underage,

we cannot permit him
to drink on the premises.

- I understand.
It'll just be for me.

- May I bring the
young man a soft drink?

- Well, don't you look

exceptionally
alluring this morning?

- Thank you.

- Uh-huh, I knew it.

- What?

- How you can always
tell with a woman.

The whites of her
eyes get totally clear.

- That's really dumb, Arnie.

- Tell me what happened.

- No.

- How was it?

- It's none of your
business, Arnie.

- Oh, come on, Rox. Share!

- No, and don't ask me again.

- You wanted to see me?

- Yes. Come on in.

I've been reading through
your motion papers.

I must say, I'm really stunned.

- I was just going by
the numbers, Your Honor.

- Numbers are a
funny thing, counselor.

Do you wanna hear
some interesting numbers

about Victor Sifuentes?

When you worked in the
Public Defender's office,

you were nine times
more likely to seek a trial

when the defendant
was of Hispanic descent

than when he was
either black or white.

- My clients happen
to be primarily Hispanic.

- Numbers of Hispanics
was slightly less than

twice the number
of blacks and whites.

The number of hours
you logged per case

shows a distinct predisposition
towards favoring clients

with Hispanic surnames.

A lot like your present
client, I might add.

- With all due
respect, you don't know

the first thing about
the cases that I handled.

- And just how much do you
know about the cases I handled?

- Nothing at all,
but I cannot ignore

a computer analysis of
your record on the bench

when there appears to be
a good chance that my client

was convicted
because he is a Chicano!

- Judges don't judge by
computer, Mr. Sifuentes.

We judge with our hearts
and minds and experience.

I don't think of myself
as a bigot any more

than you think of
yourself as one.

Nevertheless, I'm
granting your motion.

These numbers at
least entitle your client

to the benefit of the doubt.

- Thank you, Your Honor.

- My reputation is that
of a liberal, counselor.

I have supported
various civil rights causes

over the years because
my sense of decency

told me they were
worthy of support.

But now you come along
with this frankly chilling

bit of news that, for all
my professed liberalism,

I've in fact been sending
men to prison at least

in part because of
the color of their skin.

That is not something
I can ignore.

I will think long
and hard on this.

Hope you do the same.

- Yes?

- Judge Morris Hood, sir.

- Tell him I'll call him back.

- He's been arrested.

- Put him on.

- I really hate
your guts, Becker.

- I don't hate yours, Lisa.

- You didn't give a damn
about saving that marriage.

You just wanted to
humiliate me all over again.

- Not true.

I pride myself on
knowing what the client

really wants and delivering it.

Humiliating you
was just a bonus.

- You don't know what I
had to do to get Kroenisch

to let me handle that case.

- I have a pretty good idea.

- No. See, you don't.
I lost one job that way.

I'm not about to lose another.

Oh, you're really
something, Arnie.

You s*ab me in the back,

you poison this
entire firm against me.

And then you saw to
it that I didn't get hired

at a time when I
really needed a job.

And all because you
decided it would be awkward

to work in the same office
with a girl you had an affair with.

Well, it wouldn't have
had to be awkward at all.

In fact, I could
have easily forgotten

that it ever happened.

- That was the whole
problem. I couldn't have.

When I found out that
I was just another rung

on the ladder for
you, Lisa, it hurt me.

Look, will you do me something?

I'm not the hard
guy you think I am.

- Oh, you lying sack!

- Hey, I'm a sucker for
a pretty girl's affection.

And when I find out that I've
been had, sometimes, yeah.

I can get a little ugly.

- Trying to get ahead
of someone on line

at the post office
is a little ugly.

What you did to
me was despicable.

- You seem to forget that,
as a partner in this firm,

I have an obligation
to assist my colleagues

in making informed
decisions about

who we hire and who we don't.

And having a first-year
associate who has shown

a pronounced willingness
to sleep around as a method

of career advancement
is not in the best interest

of this firm.

Besides, you seem to
have landed on your feet.

- Yeah, I did, didn't I?

Kind of makes you curious
about what a second go-around

would be like, doesn't it?

- No.
- Why?

Because I'm a lawyer
in my own right?

Because I have a bright
future at the firm I'm with?

Because the uncertainty
of my getting hired

or not getting hired isn't
hanging over us anymore?

- I just don't
think that this is

appropriate right now, Lisa.

- No, I bet you don't.

It isn't nearly sordid enough
for Arnold Becker, is it?

No sl*ve trade, no trap doors,

no ice pick through the heart.

Nothing to gain except
the pure turn-on of it all.

And that's no turn-on at
all for Arnold Becker, is it?

- I don't know.

But if you wanna try, come on.

Let's try.

- Stop it!

- What's the matter, kid?
Not sordid enough for you?

- I guess not.

The tragedy of this
is, I'm just like you.

Arnold Becker
with a pair of jugs.

- Judge Hood!

- What comes next, Your Honor?

- How many people are involved?

- Your Honor, any comments?

- Excuse me, sir.

- I'm Judge Hood's attorney.

- Well, you'll have
to wait out here

until he's through being
processed, counselor.

- Address?

- 1139 South Crest,
West Los Angeles.

- Charged with one count PC 93,

receiving a bribe
by a judicial officer.

Have you read him his rights?

- Yeah, he's been read and
he understands the Miranda.

- All right, Judge.

I'm gonna fingerprint you now.

So just extend your right hand.

Relax your fingers
and I'll do the rest.