01x07 - The Great Computer Caper

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face-to-face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

Come in,
Captain Danger.

Come in, Captain Danger.

This is Foxy Lady.

Please come in.

Well, hello, Foxy Lady.

This here's Highway Hank
flapping his gums at you.

What's your 10-20?

[CHUCKLES] My what?

Your 10-20. Your location.

Ha. I thought
I might truck on by

and show you my, uh...

ha ha ha--rig.

Hank?

Yeah, Foxy Lady?

Keep on truckin'.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

Hi, Kate.
How's everything goin'?

You two were supposed to be
back over an hour ago.

What kept you?

We got caught up
in the classic struggle

of man against fish.

See, in order to be
a good fisherman,

you've got to have
perseverance, intuition,

courage...

And a charge account
at Burt's Fish Market.

I thought we weren't
gonna tell her.

Oh, I would've
found out eventually.

Word travels fast
at $7.95 a pound.

Oh, listen,
I have some exciting news.

A reporter called,

and he wants
to interview Ricky.

A reporter?
Mm-hmm.

Why does
he wanna interview me?

He wants to talk to you
about computers.

He heard that
you were named Mr. Software

at Lake Winnemokka's
Weekend Computer Camp.

What a proud moment
that was, too, Kate.

I wish you'd have been there
to see Ricky

receive his trophy
from Chief Floppy Disc himself.

Oh, listen.
I told that reporter

that you were gonna be home
over an hour ago,

so you better hurry up
and change

before he gets...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

here.

Can you believe it?

I'm gonna be interviewed
by a big-time reporter.

I wonder where he's from?

Newsweek? Life magazine?

New York Times.

Hi. I'm Arnold Jackson

from the P.S. 89
Weekly Woodpecker.

Our motto is "All the news
that's fit to Xerox."

Well, hi.
I'm Ricky Stratton.

This is my dad
Edward Stratton

and his secretary--
Kate Summers.

Hello.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Wow. So this is
your living room?

Yeah.

Man, I can't wait to see
the game room.

Arnold, uh, how long
have you been a reporter?

Oh, for ages.
Almost half a semester.

Arnold, would you like to see
the computer?

Sure.

It's in the library.

Men, if you want anything,
just let me know.

Cookies, milk,

pictures of me.

Arnold, would you
like to ride the train,

or should we walk?

Ah, what the heck?
It's a nice day.

Let's walk.

Arnold, I don't think
I'm very big news.

Just a regular kid.

Wow.

Nothing special.

So, why'd you
get into computers?

Well, see, computers
are the wave of the future.

People are already
playing video games on them.

Someday, people are gonna do all
their banking with computers,

their shopping
with computers.

Someday, almost everything's
gonna be done by a computer.

Well, that's-that's
that's nice,

but, uh, we need special stories
at the Pecker,

like can you embezzle
a million bucks with this thing?

Arnold.

I'm sorry, Rick.

I, mean, uh, I can't take
what you've given me so far

to my editor.

He'll bury us on page nine
next to P.E. Pot-pourri.

I-I think I'd better go.

I gotta find
a better story.

Arnold, there is one thing
some people do.

It's called visiting.

Look, this may come
as a shock to you,

but visiting is done a lot,

especially on holidays.

Not that type of visiting.
Come here.

Rick, what are you doing?

I'm talking to a computer

at Rutledge
Institute of Technology.

Hmm.

Hmm what?

A company called
Trans-Allied Industries

has requested
heat resistance profiles

for a certain metal alloy.

[TYPING]

RICKY: Ooh.

This alloy
is being used for rivets

in a piece of
m*llitary equipment.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

RICKY: Uh-oh.

ARNOLD: Uh-oh what?

Restricted access
on this information.

Oh.

You know the m*llitary.

They put restricted access
on everything.

I'm gonna try
and break the code.

Can you do that?

I've been experimenting with
a code-breaking algorithm

that might just
give us access.

Gonna break this code.

All right, go for it.

[BEEPING]

That's not it.

[BEEPING]

That's not it.

That's definitely not it.

Okay, now I'm mad.

[BEEPING]

RICKY: Look, I did it.
The Starlight 2000.

Oh, Rick, this is
the greatest story ever.

I'm talking Pulitzer.

[SLURPS]

[BURPS]

Come on.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Hey, Ricky.

Hi, Arnold.

Well, here you are.

This week's copy
of The Weekly Woodpecker.

Check out the headlines.

"Room 12
Gets New Blackboard."

Not that headline.
This one.

"Computer Whiz Kid
Breaks m*llitary Code."

Rather catching, isn't it?

Yeah. Nice job, Arnold.

I think it's important
for the people to know this.

It's just too easy

to get m*llitary information
with a computer.

But you didn't mention
my name, right?

Hey, I always
keep my sources anonymous.

"This information
was furnished by Ricky Stratton

who prefers
to remain anonymous."

Heh heh.

See?

Oh, Rick,
I needed that story.

I've never made
the front page before.

And my editor wouldn't print it
without all the details.

Well, at least you didn't print
a picture of the plane.

I guess you haven't
got to page three yet.

Arnold, you shouldn't have
done this.

We can get into big trouble
for this, Arnold.

What trouble?
It's a sixth-grade newspaper.

Who's gonna see it?

[BANGS ON DOOR]

MAN: Open up.
This is the FBI.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi. Can I help you?

Hello. I'm Agent McConnell,
this is Agent Ferguson.

We're with the FBI.

Does Ricky Stratton live here?

Yeah. I'm his father.
Is anything wrong?

I'd like you to take a look
at this, sir.

The Weekly Woodpecker.

Oh, this is
Arnold's newspaper.

Notice the headline.

"Room 12
Gets New Blackboard."

Not that headline. This one.

Your son
and his friend Arnold

have stolen
top-secret m*llitary plans.

The Starlight 2000
is a supersonic fighter plane.

It's the most
highly sophisticated

piece of weaponry
in America's arsenal.

Gee, and this is
a great picture of it, too.

Foreign-intelligence
organizations

have been
trying desperately

to get ahold of
this information.

Now the whole sixth grade
knows about it.

Well, I'm sure it was just
an innocent mistake.

Listen, these kids
are in serious trouble.

Well, it seems that
they have committed

a breach
of national security.

And that spells treason, buddy.

And treason in this country
is punishable by death.

[MOUTHS]

The death penalty?

Isn't that a little harsh?

Couldn't I just ground him
for a month or something?

We'd like to
speak to your son.

Now wait a minute.
Just hold on.

You can't go barging in here.
I'm an American citizen.

I have my rights.

We have a search warrant.

Oh, right. Come on in.

But no barging.

Ricky. Hey, Rick.

He was down here
a minute ago.

Check the backyard.

We'll be in the back.

Ferguson.

We've got to
get out of here.

Wait a minute. Let's wait
till the FBI leaves,

and then we'll talk to my dad.

You want to get him
into trouble, too?

You used his computer.

He's an ambassador
before the fact.

You're right, but...

but couldn't we throw ourselves
at the mercy of the FBI?

What mercy? Did the FBI
show any mercy

to John Dillinger, Al Capone,
or Baby Seal Nelson?

That's Baby Face Nelson.

That's even worse.

Who's got babier faces
than us?

You're right.
I don't wanna run,

but... but those feds
are talking tough.

Espionage.

Treason.

The death penalty.

Yeah, and I don't wanna be
the first guy

who needs a booster seat
on the electric chair.

But if we run,
where will we go?

Well, there must be someplace
where a guy can go

where they don't ask about
his past.

A place
that's safe for crooks.

Washington, D.C.

How about
the French Foreign Legion?

Nah. I hate French food.

We could become hobos.

Nah. I'm too clean-cut
for that.

I got it. It's perfect.

Where do guys go when they
want to have a great adventure

and get away
from all the people?

A hot-tub club?

No. They sail on
the tramp steamer.

Ahh. Ricky.
Why, that's a great idea.

Why didn't I
think of it?

You're a genius.

Uh, what's a tramp steamer?

A tramp steamer is a ship
that has no home port.

Think of it.
Until this all blows over,

we'll sail
with the wind in our faces.

We'll go to far-off lands,

meet exotic women.

We can even start wearing
Old Spice.

[FOGHORN BLOWS]

Uhh,
I'm seasick already.

We haven't even
left the dock yet.

Look, instead of
a tramp steamer,

why don't we take
a tramp bus?

Arnold, we agreed.

Well, but we've got to
get out of this crate.

We're sitting on
150 pounds of cheese.

Listen, if we ask the captain
for a job now,

all he has to do is say no.

But if we wait
till we're sailing,

he'll have to give us a job.

Here, have some more
Limburger.

What have we here?

A couple of wharf rats
nibbling on our cheese, eh?

N-N-No, sir.

I-I realize me and my-my friend

must look odd sitting in
your cheese crate, but--

N-Nice tattoo, by the way.

But I can explain.

See, we want to work,
and we want to stay.

But leaving could be fun.

Emish, what's goin' on
down there?

Found me
a couple of stowaways, Captain.

Oh, yeah?
I'll handle this.

Aye-aye, sir.

Captain Stark.

Stowaways, huh?
Come up here.

We were hoping
to be hired as cabin boys.

What's your name?

I'm Ricky Stra--

I'm Ricky Strudgemond, sir.

Who are you?

Uh, I'm his brother
Arnold.

So you want to be
cabin boys, huh?

Ever sailed before?

Yeah. What do you think
we are, land blubbers?

What do you know about ships?

Oh, a lot. I've seen
every episode of Love Boat.

I hate that show.

Me too. I just watch it
for the nautical stuff.

Well, I might be able to use
a couple of cabin boys.

Think you lads
are up to it?

BOTH: Yeah. Sure.

You think you can
lay aloft

and clear
a fouled topping lift

in the middle of
a Grand Bank Nor'wester?

[GUFFAWS]

Can we lay aloft? Hoo.

No sweat.

All right, then.

You men are now crew members
of the Gnarly Dog.

The finest bucket ever to
limp across the Seven Seas.

Welcome aboard.

I give you fair warning.

You work for Captain Stark,
you work hard.

Gonna be leaving port
in an hour.

When we pull anchor,

I wanna see that railing gleam
from stem to stern.

We're working so soon?

Don't we get
an orientation lecture

or something?

Stop flapping your jaws.
Polish.

Who are you lads
runnin' from?

Wh-What do you mean,
Captain?

Well, mates your age

are usually
runnin' from somethin'.

Parents, police.

Um, we're not
running from anybody,

especially not the FBI.

FBI?

Um, yeah.

The, um,
the Franklin Boys' Institute.

The FBI.

It's on, um...
it's on Railing Street.

It's a building with windows.
You've probably seen it.

Polish.

Now, when I look at you two,
I think of me 40 years ago.

I remember it
like it was yesterday.

I signed on as a cabin boy
on a... leaky tub

runnin' sugar out of Havana.

Least it was sugar
when we left Havana.

By the time
we got to Singapore,

cargo hold full of rats

bad teeth.

But I learned to love
the sea.

'Course,
every once in a while,

I think about the people
I left behind.

Family, friends.

Sometimes I can
still hear their voices

in the sounds of the sea.

Did you ever
see your family again?

No, no, no.

But it doesn't matter.

See, I've got
my own family

right here
on the Gnarly Dog.

Patch, Chinless Chuck,

The Turk,

Peeping Tom.

Hiya, Tom.

Then there's Mad Dog.

M-M-Mad Dog?

Yeah.
Every once in a while,

he likes to gnaw on
the timbers.

Sounds like a nice family.

Every once in a while,

I wonder what my life
might've been like

if I hadn't left
the ones I love.

The thing about running
is once you start,

mighty hard to stop.

Sometimes I feel like

there's a wind
pushing at my back, you know.

Once a man leaves,

can never return.

Let's go home.

Boop boop.

Edward, I found this note
in the mailbox.

"Dear Dad, I know I did
a real bad thing,

"and I don't want you
to get in trouble

"for my mistake.

"I think it's best
for everybody

if I just disappear."

"I love you.
Your son, Ricky."

"P.S. Your
Evening with Danny Thomas album

is in the hall closet."

Well, that's a coded message
if I ever heard one.

Kate, I'm going out of my mind
with worry.

I know.

Ricky's out there someplace
lonely, afraid, hungry.

He could be hurt.

Could be...

McConnell, do something.
You gotta find my son.

We're doing everything we can,
Mr. Stratton.

Don't forget,

we're the FBI.

If those kids are
anywhere in this country,

we'll find them.
We're the finest,

most thorough
law-enforcement organization

in the history
of the world.

There's no way
two 12-year-old kids

can elude us.
Hello.

Later, kid.
I'm talking.

Our agents
are perhaps--

Ricky.

Arnold.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Arnold, are you all right?

Yeah, but you better hug me
to make sure.

Oh.

I guess it's time
to face the music, huh?

Yeah.

Listen, sirs,

we didn't mean to give away
any m*llitary information.

Would you accept
our apologies?

And a dollar?

So you think you can
cute your way out of this?

Well, let me tell you...

Stop it.

You've scared these boys
enough.

Now look, boys.

Nobody's gonna put
anybody in jail.

Arnold, they confiscated
all the copies

of The Weekly Woodpecker.

Okay.

Rick, all they want from you
is the method you used

to break
their computer code.

We've gotta make sure
that what you did

can never happen again.

Sure. Sure,
I'll show you.

Good. We'll send the
computer experts over tomorrow.

Ferguson, let's go.

Uh, uh, can I accompany
the computer experts here?

I'd, uh... I'd love to ride
that train.

Ferguson.

Thanks, Dad.

Son, if you're ever in
any kind of trouble,

no matter how bad, whether
it's breaking a window,

getting a bad grade,

treason.

Whatever it is,

I want you to know
you can always come to me,

and we'll handle it
together, okay?

You bet, Dad.

Okay.

Arnold. Arnold,

we better let your father know
that you're all right.

Is he mad?

Well, let me
put it to you this way.

Does he ordinarily
sputter and yell a lot?

He's mad.

We'll drive you home.

Arnold, don't forget
your camera.

Oh.
Oh, Dad...

why don't you take
a picture of me and Arnold

for my scrapbook?

Okay.
All right.

Okay. Say "cheese."

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and-- ♪