01x22 - The X Team

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face-to-face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[TELEVISION PLAYING]

sh**t 'em.

Come on, get 'em.
Get 'em.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Get 'em.

WOMAN: Charles,
are you all right?

Yes, my love.

I'm so scared.

Kiss me.

Not again.

Why do they always mess up
a good w*r movie

with that mushy love stuff?

[MACHINE g*ns f*ring]

CHARLES: Let me hold you,
my dear Margaret.

I feel so secure in your arms.

Someday, this horrible w*r
will be over,

and decent people
will again live decent lives.

[MACHINE g*ns f*ring]

[PLANES DIVE-BOMBING]

Why do they always mess up
a good romantic movie

with this awful w*r stuff?

Kate, if it wasn't for
the w*r stuff--

Shh. Watch.

Stay with me, Charles.

I can't, Margaret.

Until the enemies of democracy
are rooted from Europe,

our love must wait.

But what if you don't...

what if you go to the front
and what if...

I don't come back?

Oh, Margaret.

[SONG INTRO PLAYS]

♪ Yes, I'll come back for you ♪

♪ When this awful w*r is done ♪

♪ I'll come back for you ♪

♪ When we've driven off
The Hun ♪

♪ Yes, soon, my dear ♪

♪ You'll always be ♪

♪ The one for me ♪

[b*mb DROPS]

[expl*si*n]

Oh.

[SOBS] Charles is dead.

[CHEERS
AND INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[RICK, INDISTINCT]

That was great.

Well, peoples,

anybody wanna hear
what happened

the eye doctor
dilated my pupils?

No, Freddy. My heart can't take
that much excitement.

Oh, is it time to go to sleep?

Freddy, when you're
sleepin' over a buddy's house,

the last thing you do
is actually sleep.

Am I your buddy, Rick?

Yeah, Freddy, you're my buddy.

Gee, thanks.

But come here.
What?

Let's keep that
our little secret, okay?

Okay, buddy.

Hey, Rick, look what's coming on
Shallow Springs Cable

right about now.

Look at this.

"Naked Nurses
From Outer Space"?

"You'll need
intensive care

"when a couple of
Venusian nurses

visit Earth to show off
their out-of-this-world bodies."

Whew, look at this.

It stars Candy Apple,

Cinnamon Toast,

and June Moon.

Whew, look like June's
busting out all over.

Oh.

Edward, I feel kind of sad.

How come?

You're gonna be taking the boys
to the circus tomorrow,

and I won't see you
for 18 whole hours.

Well, Kate...

♪ I'll come back to you ♪

♪ When the circus is done ♪

♪ ...one ♪

Are you done?
Uh-huh.

Ah, good. Heh heh.

Aw, Kate, come on. Why don't you
come to the circus with us?

Oh, thanks, but I've gotta
get this report done tomorrow.

Oh, come on, Kate.

They're gonna have
tigers and clowns

and have cotton candy and--

You know kids love that stuff.

'Course, at their age,
that's all they think about.

Rick,
we just gotta see

Naked Nurses From Outer Space.

We can't, J.T.

Why not?

When my dad ordered
the cable service,

he had them put in
a parental key-lock device.

A parental what?

This thing.
Keeps kids like us

from watching
adults-only type stuff.

Boy, what a gyp.

Yeah, personally,
I'm opposed to censorship.

Me too, especially
when it comes to the work

of important actresses like
Candy Apple and Cinnamon Toast.

Hey, look.
It's not locked now.

Right.

Hey, it's starting.
Come on, come on.

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

EDWARD: Ricky.
Oh.

[SHUTS OFF TV]

Come in.

Hi, guys.

You studying, huh?

Yeah, we're studying, heh,

and that's all
we're doin'. Honest.

Well, boys, we got a big day
ahead of us tomorrow.

Why don't you guys get in
your PJs and hit the hay?

Yeah, that's a good idea, Dad.

We're all real tired.

[YAWNS]

Aren't we, guys?

[YAWNS]

Yeah, well, uh,
good night, Dad.

Sleep tight.

Yeah, don't let
the bedbugs bite.

Bedbugs?

Excuse me again, boys.

Good night, guys.

Uh, Mr. Stratton?

Yeah, J.T.?

Um... Uh...

Yeah, J.T.?

Uh... hey,
did you know Rick here

was the top
arm-wrestling champion

at our school?

He is?

You are?

Well...

I thought it was
Tubby Butterman.

It used to be Tubby Butterman.
Rick b*at him, remember?

Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Congratulations, Rick.

I bet Rick here
is so good,

he could even b*at you.

Ha ha ha.

So, you up to it,
Mr. Stratton?

Well...
Of course you are.

Here, let me help you off
with this jacket.

Sit down, Rick.

I don't know.
My boy's pretty strong.

He's a tough one,
all right.

Yeah, but you're pretty strong,
too, Dad.

Well, okay, what do we do?
We gotta set up here, huh?

Okay, let's get
the right grip.

All right, now you gotta
keep your arm straight, right?

Yes, ready?
No cheating.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let's get the grip here.

Okay. A little-little higher up
on the thumb.

That's good.
All right, straighten out.

Okay.
You got it?

Come on.
Okay.

Ready?
Mm-hmm.

Okay.
Ready, set, wrestle!

Guess you b*at me, son.

Yeah. Yeah, well,
thanks for the workout, Dad.

Boy, I'm really tired now.

Yeah.

Good night. Sleep tight.

Goodbye.

Here you go.

Thanks. Good night, guys.

Good night.

Gentlemen,
I hold in my hand

the key to ecstasy.

All right!

J.T., my dad's in the bedroom
right next to us.

He's gonna hear the TV.

Hey, buddy, I just did
a tango with death and won.

I'm watching me
some naked nurses.

Well, there is
another TV downstairs.

Hold it, guys.
J.T., this isn't gonna work.

You shouldn't have taken
my dad's keys.

How am I gonna
get 'em back to him

without his
finding out?

I'll think of something.

Wait up.

[CREAKS]

[CREAKS]

[WHISPERS] Come on, Freddy.

Come on, Freddy.
We'll catch you.

Come on.
We're missing the movie.

Come on. Look at the time.

[CLANG]

EDWARD: Hello?

Who's there?

[FAUX KARATE YELL]

[YELLS]

Go.

Wait a minute.

I lost my glasses.

All right,
we'll help you find 'em.

It's gotta be
around the corner.

[CRUNCH]

I think I found them.

Oh, no. That's gonna cost you
75 bucks, J.T.

Hey, I found 'em for you,
didn't I?

Oh, yeah. My mistake.

Come on, let's go.

[BANG]

Ow!

Come on, give me the key.

Everyone ready?

BOTH: Ready.

[MOVIE PLAYING]

Turn it on!

It's on.

Boy, is it on.

That must be Cinnamon Toast.

Those Venusians
got some great-looking nurses.

How come she ain't wearing
any clothes?

Simple. The doctor's
giving her an examination.

Okay. Then how come
the doctor's

not wearing any clothes?

You see, I think that has
something to do with

why we're not supposed to be
watching this kind of stuff.

It's not fair. It's the
greatest thing I've ever seen,

and I can't even see it.

Well, I'll tell you
what's happening, Freddy.

Right now, the doctor's checking
Cinnamon's reflexes.

How are they?

Outstanding.

[BOYS LAUGHING]

J.T.: All right.

[MOVIE CONTINUES]

Kate!

Kate's in this? Score.

[♪♪♪]

Ricky, what is
going on here?

Well, Nurse Toast is getting
a check-up from the doctor--

That's not what I meant.

What I mean is why are you
watching this kind of...

[SHUTS OFF TV]

Show?

Well?

Uh...

Uh, I think I can--

I can explain this,
Miss-Miss Summers. See...

I'm over here, Freddy.

See, we were up in
Ricky's bedroom

when all of a sudden,
these three communists broke in.

They told us
if we didn't come down here

and watch this dirty movie,
they'd wash our brains out.

I tried to stop 'em, but...

Shut up, Freddy.
Okay.

Well, Rick,
uh, looks like

you're in sort of a mess here.
So, uh, bye.

You wanna stay over
at my house tonight, Freddy?

Oh, I sure do, J.T.

Okay. Try and find it.

Uh, I'll give you
a ride home, Freddy.

Why don't you run upstairs
and get your stuff?

J.T.

[SIGHS]

Ricky, when your father
finds out about this,

he's gonna be
very disappointed in you.

You're right, Kate.

You're absolutely right.

So we're gonna have to
spare him this disappointment.

Ricky...

Kate, my dad's
had a rough day.

First thing this morning,
he breaks his shoelace.

Then he goes to make a sandwich,
and we're out of peanut better.

And now this? Come on.

How much can a guy take?

Ricky...

Kate, please don't tell!
Please!

I'll give you my watch.

Ricky,
I'm not gonna tell him.

Aw, thanks a lot, Kate.

You're going to tell him.

I am?

Yes.

Because once you tell him,

well, it'll all be
out in the open,

and the whole thing
will be over and done with.

Okay, Kate,
I'll-I'll tell my dad.

Well, good.

Because it's
the right thing to do,

and it's honest.

Maybe. But aside from that,
it's a pretty flimsy idea.

Hey.

[CLANG]

Hey, Rick.

I want you to know
if you get a whupping for this,

it was worth it to me.

[YELLS]

Hey?

Uh, Edward, I'm driving
J.T. and Freddy home.

Ricky will
explain everything.

Won't you, Ricky?

Good night, Edward.

Good night, Kate.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Ricky?

Uh, Dad, wait'll you hear
what happened.

[GIGGLES]

This is hilarious.

It is?

We pulled a fast one
on you, Dad.

[LAUGHING]

You did?

We sure did!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah?

Remember when you said
good night to us guys,

you probably thought
we went right to sleep, huh?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But you didn't, right?

No!

J.T., Freddy and I
snuck into the library.

Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.

Yeah? Yeah?

Then we turned on the TV.
Ha ha ha ha.

And guess what we watched.

Yeah. What, what, what?

Naked Nurses
From Outer Space.

[SCREAMS AND LAUGHS]

Heh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm dead.

Ricky, before I went to bed,
I locked both televisions.

So if you watched that movie,
you must've taken my keys.

Oh, that's why you boys

pulled that little
arm-wrestling stunt.

There's a connection.

Dad, I realize
what I did was wrong.

So you're probably gonna
ground me, huh?

How long do you think
you should be grounded?

I'd kinda like to
get out of the house

in time for college.

Son, here's the story.

We're gonna go the circus
tomorrow as planned.

I want to talk to J.T.
and Freddy about tonight.

But as soon as we get home,
and from that moment on,

you are grounded
for two weeks.

And there will be
no television for one month.

A month!

Is fair.

That's it.
Hit the sack.

Yes, sir.

Rick.

Yeah?

Come here, son.
I think we should talk.

Son, I want you to understand
how I feel about children,

you in particular,

watching movies
about, uh...

Uh, ahem,
well, about...

Sex?
Right.

Ahem.

All right,

here are my feelings
on that subject.

I-- I'm with you so far.

Boy, this is hard
to talk to you about this.

Dad, can I ask you
a question?

Please.

I really wanted to see
that movie tonight.

Does that make me a...

um, you know, a bad person?

No, son, it doesn't.

It makes you
a curious person.

And that's
perfectly normal.

After all, it was only
a few months ago

I told you about
the birds and the bees.

And it's perfectly normal
that you might actually

want to see a...

a bird...

with a...

ahem, a bee.

Well, this movie
had a Venusian nurse

and a doctor.

Except I don't think
he was a real doctor.

Oh?

He had a battleship
tattooed on his chest.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Ahem. Great. Ahem.

Son, while you were
watching this movie,

how did you feel about
what you were seeing?

Well, me and the guys
were joking around about it.

But deep inside, I was saying,
"Ew, this is kind of gross."

And watching something gross
is pretty, you know, yucky.

Yeah, I do know,

and that's what's the matter
with movies like that.

See, son...

lovemaking...

should be
a beautiful, emotional

private moment

between two people who
really care about each other.

I don't think
this doctor and nurse

were really in love.

I mean, during the whole thing,

she never stopped reading
The Wall Street Journal.

I think
you may have the idea.

See, son, movies like that
reduce lovemaking

to a purely physical,
mechanical act.

And in my opinion,
they put down women,

treat them like
mindless sex objects.

Why would we get these movies
on our TV?

Well, well, it-it comes with
the cable service.

See, I ordered
the cable service

because I want to see
recent movies

without commercials.

And to my surprise,
they...

they also broadcast

these... skin flicks.

See, I-I have no choice.

If I want to watch
a decent movie,

then I-then I
just have to order

these sleazy movies
at the same time.

Are you buying this?

Dad, you're a grownup.

I guess you can watch
whatever you want.

Yes, I can, son,

but I don't choose to watch
movies like this.

And until you're old enough
to make your own decisions,

I won't allow you
to watch them, either.

Is that understood?

It's understood.

Okay.

Let's get some sleep,
huh?

Dad.
Yeah?

Thanks for talking to me
about this.

Well, thanks for listening.

And thanks for being so open.

And thanks for coming to me
and telling me about it.

And thanks
for not grounding me.

Nice try, Rick.

Thanks.

Uh, son, you forgot
to give me back my key.

Would you believe
I lost it?

Another nice try.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons togeth-- ♪