02x16 - A Hunting We Will Go

[bunniefuu]

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a special episode

of Silver Spoons tonight.

But it could be upsetting
to younger children.

We invite families
to watch it together.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of Silver Spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two Silver Spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

Somebody at the door.

-Grandfather!
-Richard.

-Hey, Dexter, what's up?
-AT&T, thank God.

Come here, guys.
I want to show you something.

What do you think of it, Dexter?

Well, it's--

It's, uh--

Sir?

Edward...

why do you have
foam rubber trees

in your living room?

Father, this is a jungle couch.
It's a work of art.

I see and yes,
the artist certainly has created

an environment here.

Utilizing contemporary
materials,

he has emulated
the glories of nature.

Then you like it!

It sucks.

♪ We're in the money ♪

♪ We're in the honey ♪

♪ We've got a lot
Of what it takes ♪

♪ To get along ♪

Dexter, you seem to be
in a perky mood.

Yes, Mr. Stratton just purchased
a fast food stands

known as Mel's Mostly Meats.

Mel's is a pioneer

in the burgeoning business
of pseudo food.

Hey, I kind
of like Mel's Partly Potatoes.

And every so often
I'd stop and get

one of their it-could-be-fish
sandwiches.

Hey, wait a minute.
Didn't I read somewhere

where Mel's is losing
an awful lot of money?

Tons.

In fact, aren't they hundred of
thousands of dollars in debt?

Millions!

Then why did you buy it?

For the tax write-off.
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

♪ I'm in the money
I'm in the money ♪

♪ We've got a lot
Of what it take-- ♪

Uh, I'm sorry, sir.

Uh-- uh, Dexter, let me give you
the receipt for this acreage.

So, tell me, Father,
did you come by just to tell us

about this week's
deal of the century?

No, I have a surprise
for Richard.

A surprise?

-For me?
-Yes. May we sit?

Oh, sure. Right here, Please.

[GRANDFATHER SIGHS]

So, uh...

what's the surprise,
Grandfather?

Edward, do you have a machete?

Here.

Okay.

You know, that every year
around this time, I go hunting.

-Father...
-I know you're against hunting,

but this year
I'd like to ask Richard

if he cares to come along.

Me?

I'd love to go hunting.

I've wanted to go hunting
ever since I read

The Last of the Mohicans.

You might even bag a deer.

-Did you hear that, Dad?
-[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Bag a deer.

That's hunting talk.

I know, son.

Uh, Rick, I'm not sure
this is a good idea.

I'm worried
about you going hunting.

I'm afraid
of what the experience might do

to your emotional health.

My-- my emotional health?

[SCOFFS] Come on, Dad.

I'm a rock.

Good boy.

Son, it's one thing to say
the phrase, "Bag a deer."

It's another whole thing
to actually sight down a r*fle

and sh**t one.

You think you could do that?
I know I couldn't.

Dad, do you remember last week
at dinner?

You told me to eat
my crab lasagne.

And I said,
"I don't like crab lasagne."

And you said, "How do you know
you don't like crab lasagne?

You've never tried it."

Pardon me, I don't wanna bud in.

But I have to give you
my opinion.

I'm completely opposed
to hunting.

It's atavistic.

No, it isn't. It's at-a-forest.

Atavistic, Ricky. It means
it's a throwback to the days

when people hunted
because they needed food.

Most people these days
don't need to hunt

to fill their bellies.

Unless they eat
at Mel's Mostly Meats.

Oh, tough room.

Ms. Summers, hunting is a sport!

[SCOFFS] A Sport?

There is no sport in--
in gunning down

a defenseless animal.

[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]
Oh, I forgot.

There is the fun afterwards
of cutting off its head

and sticking it on your wall.

Dexter, you're-- you're a man
of taste and sensitivity.

How do you feel about hunting?

-Personally? I abhor it.
-SUMMERS: Mm-hmm.

Aha! Tell us why?

Well, it requires going
into an area that contains bugs.

[SIGHS] Son, I think

it might be better if you wait
a year or two

before you decide
to try your hand at hunting.

-Dad!
-Now--

Edward...

if the boy really wants to go...

let him.

I would.

Yeah, well, he's not your son.

Well, I'm well over 80,
and if he were my son,

I would deserve
a standing ovation.

Edward, will you allow Richard
to go with me?

Can I, Dad? Please?

It's the first time he's ever
asked me to do something

with him where I didn't have
to wear a suit.

He doesn't know
how to handle a r*fle.

Well, I'll find him
the finest instructor.

Me.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Do you promise to listen
to everything your grandfather

says and do exactly
what he tells you?

I promise.

Cross my heart, hope to die.

If I lie,

may I fry.

-Okay, you can go.
-All right! [CHUCKLES]

Thanks, Dad.

Richard, tomorrow we'll go
to a practice range,

and we'll get you a license.

So, uh, where are we gonna hunt?

Well, some years ago, I bought
several thousand acres

a hundred and fifty miles
from here.

Mount St. Stratton.

You bought a whole mountain?

I'd always wanted one.

Stuffins, let's go.

Oh-- oh, Grandfather.
Don't forget your hat.

Good-bye, Richard.

Next week...

♪ A hunting we will go
A hunting we will go ♪

I hope I made
the right decision.

[IMITATES g*nsh*t]

-[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-[WATER LAPPING]

GRANDFATHER: Richard, listen.

What do you hear?

-RICKY: A stream.
-Quite right. Correct.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised
if a buck came along

that trail on his way
to the water.

We're gonna wait for him
right here.

Your suggestion is my command.

[BOTH EXHALE DEEPLY]

Boy, it feels like we've hiked
a hundred miles today.

You know,
it would be a whole lot easier

if we could just use golf carts.

Hiking is fine exercise,
Richard.

[CHUCKLES] You know,
you're amazing.

You're in great shape...

and you're so darn old.

I took my exercise

when I first came over
on the mayflower.

[LAUGHS]

You're kidding, right?

Right.

[SIGHS] Sometimes, it's hard
for me to tell

when you're joking or not.

I don't joke very much. I...

don't do it very well.

But I-- I do like to tell
a good joke when I hear one.

Yeah? Have you got one?

Well, Dexter told me one
that's a knee-slapper.

Yeah. Do you want to hear it?

-Yeah.
-Okay, here goes.

Now, this couple comes
to a psychiatrist's office.

The woman says,
"Doctor, you've gotta help us.

My husband thinks he's a dog."

And the psychiatrist says
to the man,

"Lie down on the couch."

The woman says,
"He's not allowed on the couch."

Boy, it's great
to see you laugh.

Richard, uh...

see that woodpecker
up there?

-Where?
-Over there in the trees.

I don't see him.

Maybe it's just my imagination.

[LAUGHS]

[TOY BIRD WINDING]

[TWIG SNAPS]

GRANDFATHER: It's too much noise
for a deer.

That's a man.

What booby would come
trespassing on my land?

EDWARD: Rick!

Rick!

RICKY: Over here, Dad.

There you guys are.
I've looking all over for you.

-RICKY: Shh!
-Oh, sorry. The deer. [CHUCKLES]

-How come you're here?
-He's come to spy on us.

No, that's not it.

Oh, it's just that-- Well...

son, after you left the house,
I noticed you'd worn

your brown belt.

Now, I know you
like your black belt

a whole lot more
than you like your brown belt.

So, well...

I brought you your black belt.

Dad, you drove a hundred
and fifty miles

and climbed
all over this mountain...

just to bring me a belt?

Yeah. What the hey?

Well, all right.

The other reason I came was...

Father, your secretary called
and your shoes are ready.

You know, the wing tips
you had resoled.

So, I thought I'd come out
and give you the good news.

You rode one hundred
and fifty miles

and climbed all over
this mountain

to tell me about my shoes?

No. Mainly it was the belt.

All right! All right!

The truth is it's my son's first
hunting trip

and I wanted to make sure
he was okay.

There! Now, I said it.
Are you happy now?

ALL: Shh!

[WHISPERS] I'll be very quiet.
I won't make another peep, okay?

[RICKY AND GRANDFATHER SIGH]

[CHUCKLES]

Edward...

I would rather hear you speak

than to endure
your vile imitation

of Harpo Marx.

I stopped by at

Mel's Mostly Meats
on the way here.

I got some sandwiches
and some drinks.

-You want some?
-What have you got?

Aha! Well...

Let's see, I got...

one Close to Chicken...

one Possibly Pastrami...

and one Peanut-less Butter
with just about Jelly.

I'll take the Close To.

I'll have the Possibly.

That leaves me
with the Just About.

Okay, drinks?

Rick.

Father.

And for me.

[ALL EXHALE]

[ALL EXHALE]

You know something, Father?

I never realized until now
what I'd been missing.

This is really very nice.

I'm glad I'm here...

with you.

It is nice.

Yeah.

You know, Edward,

there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.

Yeah?

Your son here is a...

very fine young man.

And you've done a decent job
of raising him.

Thank you, Father.
[INHALES DEEPLY]

Coming from you,
that's high praise.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[TWIG SNAPS]

Take your safety off.

Now remember, aim for the heart,
squeeze the trigger.

Go on, go on.

GRANDFATHER: You got him!

[VOICE BREAKS] He's still alive.

Richard, he's got to be put
out of his misery.

[SOBS]

[VOICE BREAKS] I-- I can't.

[g*nsh*t]

-EDWARD: Son...
-[RICKY SOBS]

[SOBBING CONTINUES]

Dad...

did you see his eyes?

His eyes...

[VOICE BREAKS]

...I-- I never thought hunting
would be like this.

I mean,
I wanted to come so bad.

[SNIFFLES]

Sometimes, son...

getting what you want can be
the worst thing

that can happen to you.

[RICKY SNIFFLES]

I'm sorry I let you down,
Grandfather.

GRANDFATHER: Look up, Richard.

You did not let me down.

You've reacted genuinely.

You showed honest emotion.

If you hadn't,
you'd have let yourself down.

Well said, Father.

Son...

why don't you get the soda cans

and the sandwiches and, uh,
put them in my knapsack.

We'll go home, okay?

Okay.

What will we do with the deer?

We'll take Richard
up to your car,

and then you and I
will come back down here.

Richard...

I apologize for bringing
you down here today.

No, Father,
this was my responsibility.

I shouldn't have let him come.
It's my fault.

No, wait a minute.

It's nobody's fault.

I wanted to try hunting...

and I did.

I didn't like it.

But, you know, for a while
before that deer came along...

all three of us were having
a real good time...

happy just being together.

That's the part
I want to remember.

RICKY: The deer used
in this episode

was not harmed in any way.

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn
All about those things ♪

♪ You just can't buy
Two Silver Spoons ♪