02x17 - Changes

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things you
Just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

♪ Da da de dum dum ♪

♪ Da da dum da da ♪

♪ Figaro, figaro ♪

Hello, this is Dexter Stuffins.

I cannot get to the phone
right now.

Obviously not.

[ANSWERING MACHINE TRILLING]

[TAPE REWINDS]

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPING]

Hello, Dexter. This is Walter.

I'm sorry, but I can't make
our racquetball game tomorrow.

I'd like to,
but I just simply can't.

And that's the way it is.

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

Maybe Andy Rooney can play.

MAN: Hi, Dex.

This is Ronnie.

Well, uh, Mommy and I
are having a little,

uh, birthday party
for Edwin Meese.

Be there or be square.

-[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
-[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

-Hiya, Dex.
-Hello, Edward. Hi, Richard.

-How was the game?
-We won.

Well, congratulations.
I knew you'd be victorious.

Billie, this is my dad's
business manager,

Dexter Stuffins.

Dexter, this is our
star pitcher, Billie Jankowski.

-Hello, Billie.
-Hi.

-Why, you're a girl.
-[RICHARD SCOFFS]

You wouldn't say that if you saw
her pick-off move.

That was a rough game, Dex.
We had to b*at our top rivals.

The toughest, most feared team
in the whole league,

Winky's Pets.

Are they as tough as
Kathy's Maternity Wear?

Even tougher. Do you wanna hear
how we won the game?

Oh, yes. I'd love to hear
a good sports anecdote. sh**t.

Well, Billie's fast ball
was really smoky today.

She held the gerbils scoreless.

Then Ricky got up
in the bottom of the ninth

and smashed a double.

-Way to go.
-Well, it wasn't really a smash,

it was more of a dribble
to the pitcher.

but then he overthrew
the first baseman,

and then Tommy Ryan's dog
picked the ball up in his mouth.

It's a beautiful Irish spaniel--

Get on with it, Richard.
Get on with it.

Okay, so I'm on second base.

Billie comes up
and hits a long fly ball,

deep, deep to right field.

Moving me over to third.

Billie really clobbered
that pitch.

-I did get good wood on it.
-[EDWARD LAUGHS]

So, things were looking great,

but then our next two guys
struck out.

So, my dad looked at me
and I looked at him.

And he gave me the steal signal.

So I gotta a big lead off third,
got a great jump,

and stole home
for the winning run.

Wasn't that a rather
risky strategy, Edward?

Well, actually it was entirely
unintentional.

I didn't mean to give Rick
the steal signal.

I was trying to get rid
of a bee.

Looks like you're the hero
of the game, Richard.

No way. I-- I think we should
award the game ball to that bee.

[EVERYBODY LAUGHS]

Well, I'll have to see
one of your games,

I'd love to see you two
in action.

Yeah,
they're a winning combination.

Rick's a great catcher,

Billie's the best pitcher
in the whole league.

I think she's just
playing terrific.

-Aww, come on.
-[GRUNTS]

Mr. Stratton,
I really appreciate

you giving me a chance to play

when none of the other teams
would even let me try out.

Well, I don't see why not,
you're a managers' dream.

You got a wicked right arm,
you steal bases,

you hit for power.

On top of all that,
you keep the dugout real neat.

Edward, if you have a moment,

I'd love for you to sign
some loan papers.

Then I'll drop them off
at the bank.

Okay, but why am I
borrowing money?

You're not. The bank is
borrowing money from you.

-It is?
-Yes. Of course,

it's a small bank,
just getting started.

And I've negotiated
a superb interest rate.

Well, this is a switch.

Well, since they're opening
an account with me,

-maybe I should give them--
-You want a toaster, yeah right.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, Billie I think we should
change our signals.

I think the other team
was starting to figure them out.

-They were?
-Yeah, so instead of

one for a fast ball
and two for a change up.

We make it one for a change up
and two for fast of ball.

Oh, great, that'll fool 'em.

-Rick, can I ask you something?
-Sure, what is it?

Well, you think of me
as one of the guys, don't you?

Yeah. It's real easy
to forget you're a girl.

You don't scream
when you see a snake,

and when we go fishing
you're not afraid

to put your own worm
on your hook.

Well, I just like to think
of worms as real small snakes.

Billie, I don't say this
to a lot of girls, but...

[CHUCKLES]

...you're a great guy.

But I'm not a guy.

I'm a girl.

I know but,

thank God you never act
like one.

-Oh, hi, Ricky.
-[BOTH] Hi.

So, who won the game?

-[BOTH] We did.
-Oh, terrific!

Oh, I'm sorry, I missed it.

I got involved in some problems
down at Eddie Toys.

What's the matter?

Well, I'm having trouble
convincing certain people

to accept my authority
as your father's assistant.

When I say I want more goop
in the goofy glop, I mean it!

-Atta way, Kate.
-[WHISPERS] Yeah, you know.

Oh, Rick, I just spoke
to the gardener.

Mr. Carpenter?

Yeah. He was trimming the hedge
around the duck pound

and he said he found
a five-legged frog.

-Do you want to see it?
-Are you kidding?

Come on, Billie.

No, no, you go ahead, Rick.
I wanna talk to Miss Summers.

Ok. I'll bring him back alive.

Miss Summers, I got a problem.

Do you think we could have
a woman to woman talk?

Well, of course we could.
Is something bothering you?

Well, yeah.

See...

Well, Rick thinks of me
as one of the guys.

I-- I can't understand

why he doesn't think
of me as a girl.

Well, could you give me some
tips on how to be more ladylike?

Uh...

Well, um, first of all,
a lady doesn't sit like that.

A lady sits like this.

-Like this?
-That's right.

Well, doesn't the back
of your knee get all sweaty?

That's one of the prices you pay
for being a lady.

Well, what else should I do?

Well, let's see. Uh...

you could wear your hair down.

And you could try wearing
a dress with a pretty purse.

A dress and a purse?

Oh, ugh!

Billie, if you want the guys

to start thinking
of you as a lady,

you have to look like a lady.

Okay, okay.

So, my hair is down,
I'm in a dress,

and my knee is sweating.

What if a guy still
doesn't notice me?

What do I do then?

Well, you could show him
that you're interested.

How?

Uh, by giving him a certain kind
of smile.

Let me try.

-Like this?
-Uh...

keep practicing.

Is it true, that the way
to a man's heart

is through his stomach.

[CHUCKLES]
Where did you hear that?

In a Porky Pig cartoon.

Ah, well, that advice is
a little outdated.

But I guess there's a germ
of truth in it, uh,

a man appreciates it
when a woman,

takes the time to cook
something for him.

Yeah. That's what Petunia said.

One of my friends told me
that I should act

dumb around a guy and pretend
he's smarter than me.

Is that true?

Absolutely not.

If a man doesn't like
an intelligent woman,

he's a man not worth having.

Well, I got a lot of work to do.

If I'm gonna use my purse,
I'm gonna have to take

my bug collection out of it.

Miss Summers, I really want
to thank you for all your help.

Oh, don't worry.
You'll be great.

I sure hope so.

-Let me try the smile again.
-Okay.

Any better?

Much.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Hey, Kate want to see
a five-legged frog?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, no, thank you.

No!

Oh.

-It's an old glove. Ugh!
-Yeah.

I think our gardener
needs some glasses.

-Where's Billie?
-Oh, she went home.

Darn, we were going
to hit some fly balls.

Uh, Rick, there's something
you should know.

Really, what?

Well, I think you should
stop thinking of Billie

as one of the guys,

and start thinking of her
as one of the girls.

[SCOFFS] Why would I want
to do a thing like that?

Because she has a crush on you.

A what?

A crush. She just told me so.

Billie?

Oh, no.

A pitcher,

in love with a catcher?

Kate, that's sick.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Uh-huh.

Uh, well, listen I-- I really
don't need any more insurance,

So, I--

Well, yeah. But--
but I really don't need--

Yeah--

Dad, do you--

Yeah, but--

Sorry, I didn't realize
you were talking on the phone.

I'm not...

he is.

What's up, son?

Dad, I've got a problem
that's really bugging me.

What's her name?

Why do you always assume
it's a girl?

I've got other problems.

It could be about school
or one of the guys.

Is it about school
or one of the guys?

No, it's about a girl.

Ha!

It's Billie.
Something terrible's happened.

She broke her arm!

No. She's fallen in love
with me.

Oh.

But her arm's all right?

Dad!

Well, son, I'm sorry.
I just don't see what's so

terrible that she's fallen
in love with you.

Unless it affected her pitching.

Dad, I really need
some help here.

I'm sorry, son. Here,
let me get rid of this guy.

Listen, I really don't--

Yes--

But I really don't n--

Why don't you just hang up
on him?

Rick, that wouldn't be polite.

-Son, you were saying.
-[SIGHS]

See, I've always thought
of Billie as one of the guys.

I mean, we're teammates.
A great battery combination.

But her falling in love with me
is gonna change all that.

-Does it have to?
-[SCOFFS]

Sure, if I go out to the mound
for a conference,

she's liable to hug me
or something.

That would be embarrassing.

I like Billie the way she is.
I don't want her to change.

Oh, Rick, everything changes.

In fact, the absurd man
is he who never changes.

I got that in a fortune cookie.

I've been waiting eight years
to use it.

But I don't want Billie
to change.

It's not easy to find a girl
who really knows how to spit.

Why'd she have to ruin things
by falling in love with me?

Rick, Billie's at that age
when it's only natural

she want to be a little more,

feminine.

Besides, she's not the first
girl to succumb to your charms.

Why am I cursed
with this animal magnetism?

What is it that draws
women to...

the Ricker?

Well, I think we can rule out
humility.

[EXHALES] How do I tell Billie
I just want us to be friends?

You know,
something similar to this

-happened to me once in college.
-Really?

Yeah, I used to earn extra
money on the weekends tutoring.

I met a Russian exchange student
named Svetlana Porchnik.

[MOUTHS] Svetlana Porchnik?

Svetlana and I had to spend
a lot of time together working

on her English, and we got to be
pretty good friends.

And then all of a sudden,
she up and tells me,

"ya tebya lyublyu."

What does that mean,
"Help, I'm drowning"?

Blyu-blyu. [CHUCKLES]

No, that's Russian
for I love you.

Well, anyway, I-- I didn't feel
near the same way but,

it's kind of a touchy situation
'cause I didn't want her

to get mad at me.

-She had a bad temper?
-Yeah.

Also she was a...

husky woman.

Real husky?

About two twinkies shy
of 385 pounds.

But finally one day,
I grabbed my first aid kit

and went to tell her how I felt.

What did you say?

I said,

"Svetlana, I really value
our relationship,

but if you try to make
it romantic,

we might lose our friendship.

Now, please put me down."

Oh, that's great, Dad.
I'm gonna say that to Billie.

I better rehearse it
a few times.

-[DOORBELL RINGING]
-Oh, I'll get that, son.

You work on it.

-Dad...
-Yeah.

I hope Billie doesn't look at me
and say, "ya tebya blyublyu."

Lyublyu, son.

I lublyu, too, Dad.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Yes, can I help--

Billie?

Oh, I'd rather you didn't call
me Billie anymore.

I prefer to use my given name,

Wilhelmina.

Well, won't you come in,
please, Wilhelmina?

I hardly recognized you,
you look so beautiful.

-Really?
-Absolutely.

Thank you.

That's a pretty dress, too.
Great color.

Well, the color's okay.
But I like this dress

'cause it's long enough
to hide the scabs on my knees.

I'll get Rick for you.

Oh, no, no, wait!
There's no hurry.

Ah, could we sit and talk
for a while?

Sure, here.

What's on your mind?

[BILLIE SIGHS]

Well, uh...

it's-- it's kind of hard
to talk about.

You see, the-- the thing is...

oh, excuse me.

You see, the thing is,

I'm sort of interested
in a certain guy.

-Billie... [CLEARS THROAT]
-Wilhelmina.

Wilhelmina,

I think you should be telling
this to Rick.

Why? It's not Rick
I'm interested in.

It isn't? Who is it?

[STUTTERS] Listen, uh--

I personally baked you
some cupcakes.

This is the best one.

Uh... [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

it's a little bit high density.

If you don't want to eat it,

you could always use it
as a paperweight.

Oh, no. I'll, uh,
I'll just save it for later.

[CUPCAKE CLANKS]

Uh,

listen, Wilhelmina,
I'm very flattered

that you like me, but, uh,

have you considered the fact
that I'm...

three times older than you?

So what?

We could still have a lot
of good years together,

before you croak.

But what I need to know is,
how do you feel about me?

Well, this is very sudden, uh...

kind of takes me by surprise,
you know?

But I think what I should say
to you is this...

Wilhelmina,
I really value our relationship,

but if you try to make
it romantic,

we might lose our friendship.

I'm sure you understand.

Yeah, I do, but I'm willing
to take that risk.

Oh.

Well, uh...

Well, see, the-- the other
problem is that, uh...

I'm already involved
with another woman.

You are?

Is it an older woman?

Yeah.

Somebody in high school?

Even older than that.

It's my assistant,
Kate Summers.

Wow, she is old.

Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!

Oh, how come?

Well...

You see, I asked Miss Summers
for advice

on how to get you to notice me.

But she never let on
that you were her babe.

Well, I think that's
because she probably thought

that you wanted Ricky
to be your...

babe.

Now I know what it feels
like to have a broken heart.

Oh, Wilhelmina.

I'll never, ever
get over losing you.

Well, I know it seems
like that now, but, uh...

time heals all wounds.

And someday you'll meet
somebody,

and you'll forget all about me.

No way.

-Billie?
-Hi, Rick.

You...

you're... [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

I'm what?

You're pretty.

I am?

Yeah!

Wow!

Thanks.

Uh,

listen, do you want to go
to the movies?

Okay.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons... ♪