02x20 - Spare the Rod

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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02x20 - Spare the Rod

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find we're two
Of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go, makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[SIGHS] I'm nervous.

Yeah, me, too.
I'm afraid you won't like it.

Whatever it is,
I know I'll love it.

The paper is lovely,

a-- and the ribbon
matches perfectly,

and the bow is so cute...

-and I just love the way--
-Will you just open it?

Oh, Edward...

It's porcelain, honey.
It's an antique.

Oh, it must've cost a fortune.

Well... yeah.

But I wanted you to have
something really terrific

-for your birthday.
-Oh...

thank you.

But my birthday
isn't until next week.

Hmm?

Next Thursday.

I know that. I know that.

This is, uh...

pre-birthday present.

It's a...
[SCOFFS, MUMBLES]

...wait till you see your main
birthday present.

Well, I can't get over
how beautiful it is.

Ah... well,

I think a beautiful woman
should have beautiful things.

Oh...

Oh, thanks.

They kiss a lot.

In fact, my dad buys chapstick
by the caseful.

-Hi, Son.
-Hi, Dad.

Ooh, what's that?

It's a present your father
gave me for my birthday.

But, Dad, her birthday's
not till next Thursday.

I know that.

How was the basketball game?

A massive slaughter.

Hey, all right! Way to go!

Uh, dad, we were
the slaughterees.

We lost 88 to 24.

Yeah, but,
for the first 30 seconds,

it was anybody's game.

I want you to meet a friend
of mine this is Toby Anders,

-my dad and Kate Summers.
-Hi, nice to meet you.

-Hi.
-Hi, nice to meet you.

You hurt yourself
in the game?

Oh, no, I was warming the bench.
This happened last week.

It's a long story.

Toby was trying
to save Brian Setzer.

Yeah, see, Brian is a stray cat

that roams around
In our neighborhood.

Why do you call him
Brian Setzer?

'Cause Brian Setzer's
into stray cats.

The who?

No,
The Who is a different group.

Anyway, Toby saw Brian stuck up
in a tree.

Yeah, see, he was meowing

and it looked like
he couldn't get down,

so I started climbing up
after him.

But, the higher I climbed,
the higher he climbed.

So, finally,
just as I got a hold of him,

he screeched, the branch broke,
and down we went.

You're lucky all you got
was a sprained arm.

-Are you right-handed?
-I am now.

You know, stuff like
this always happens to me.

I'm a walking disaster area.

Yeah, you've, you've heard
of Casts of Thousands?

Well, Toby's had thousands
of casts.

I remember when I was
pretty accident-prone

when I was a kid, too.

-I sense an example coming.
-For example...

I remember one time
in band practice

I got my arm stuck
in Bruno Feltcher's tuba

Why did you put your arm
in his tuba?

Because it was there.

Anyway, I, I had a date

that night for the movies
with my girlfriend.

Edna Innerbitzen.

And, and, and the thing was
there I was

with this huge tuba on my arm.

-What did you do?
-I bought three tickets.

Edward, why don't we get
these two guys a couple

of great big chocolate
milk shakes.

I think that's a good idea.

-I'd like one myself.
-Yeah.

Toby, let's see if we can
come up with some new moves.

Hey, Rick, Rick, don't dribble
the ball in the house, okay?

-But, I need the practice, Dad.
-Son, not in the house.

Okay, first, let me show you
my patented,

amazing behind-the-back pass.

-Feed me, Rick.
-EDWARD: Uh...

Oops.

Rick, I told you not to dribble
the ball in the house.

I'm sorry, Dad.
It was an accident.

It was not an accident, Son.
You deliberately disobeyed me.

I'll pay you for it, you can
take it out of my allowance.

I ought to take it out
of your hide.

Calm down, Edward.

It's my fault, Mr. Stratton.

I'm the one
you should be mad at,

I shouldn't have told him
to throw me the ball.

Well...

what's done is done.

Rick, I want you
to apologize to Kate.

I'm, I'm sorry, Kate.

It's ok, Ricky.
It's just a piece of porcelain.

Uh, a, a stunning,
magnificent piece of porcelain.

Anyway, it's the thought
that counts,

and my thought here
is to shut up.

Well, why don't you two guys
go up to your room, Rick, huh?

Meanwhile, I'll try to think
of a proper punishment for this.

Punishment?

Dad, I told you I was sorry
and, it really was an accident.

I can't help but to think that
this would not have occurred

if you'd given it to her
next Thursday,

when her birthday really is...

I'm out of here.

Whew! I really blew it
that time.

Did you see the way
he yelled at me?

Yeah, you really got off easy.

Easy?

Yeah, if it would've been
my dad he would've done

a lot more than just yell.

What would your dad have done?

Never mind.

Look at this, a bullhorn.

Ok, Baby Face, come on out,
we've got you surrounded.

Maybe you can talk some sense
into him Father Flanagan.

Toby, what were you saying?

I said...

"Ok, Baby Face, come on out,
we've got you surrounded."

What were you saying
before that, about your dad?

Well, just that my dad

wouldn't have calmed down
like yours.

He probably would have
hauled off and...

What?

Never mind.

Baby Face,
this is Father Flanagan

faith in me God.

Why haven't you been comin'
to confession, lad?

Toby, forget Baby Face,

he's no good
and he never will be.

Now finish what you were saying
about your dad.

If I tell you a secret...

will you promise never to repeat
it to another person,

living or dead?

I promise.

And if you tell...

you're gonna have to pull out
all of your nose hairs

one... by one.

All right.

Ok, it's...

it's just that
when my dad gets mad,

he gets a little, physical.

You mean he hits you?

Sometimes.

But he does it for my own good,
I'm a real screw-up.

Bull! You're a great guy.

Who else would risk their life
to save a cat?

I didn't do that.

You mean your dad did this
to you?

He told me to take out
the trash. I forgot.

So, he hit you for that?

Look, it's like my dad says,

he's got to be tough on me,
so I learn how to behave.

TOBY: Now, come on,
let's have some fun.

Hello.

-EDWARD: Hello.
-How was the board meeting?

Well, it lived up to its name.

I was bored.

-How you feeling?
-Fine.

-Any interesting mail?
-No, just the usual.

Oh, we did get a catalogue
from Will's Clothing.

They're having their 15th annual
"Going out of business" sale.

-Hi, guys.
-EDWARD: Hi, son.

Listen, can I ask you something?

Rick, for the last time,
we're not putting

a fireman's pole
outside your bedroom window.

That's not it.

-EDWARD: Ah.
-Remember we saw that movie

where the criminal
went to confession

and told the Priest
he's been murdering people?

And the Priest had to decide

whether or not
to tell the police?

Oh, yeah,
eventually Father Flanagan

talked Baby Face
into giving himself up.

Well, that's the problem I have.

Ok, Rick, who'd you m*rder?

Dad!

I'm sorry.

You see, somebody told me
a secret

and made me promise
not to tell it.

But I think I should.

Well, will something bad happen
if you don't tell?

It might...

but, you see, if I tell
I'll have to pull out

all my nose hairs, one by one.

Well, son, I think what you have
here is a moral dilemma,

so you have to weigh
the consequences of

keeping that secret against...

considerable nose hair pain.

It's a tough decision,
but knowing you as I do,

I'm sure you'll make
the right one, hmm?

-[DOOR KNOCKS]
-Rick.

Toby!

Come on out,
I got a brand-new sled.

-Come on in, say hello.
-Hello.

I said hello, let's go.

Sit down, come on,
I still gotta get

my hat and coat and stuff.

Well, I'll wait for you outside,

-okay?
-Come on.

What happened?

I'm such a stoop.

See, I was showing off
for my dad, right?

We're walking down Haig Street,
and we get to this picket fence.

So, I start walking on it,

but then I slipped...

[CLAPS] Blammo.

-I'm kissing the sidewalk.
-Whew.

You think I look bad,
you should see the sidewalk.

You know, Toby, I messed
my face up just like that once.

I sense he's gonna
tell us about it.

Let me tell you about it.

I was visiting my cousin
in Illinois, one summer.

We were roller skating,
we decided to hitch

a ride by grabbing on
to the fins of a '56 Cadillac.

Well, the car stops suddenly

and my face smacked
right into the license plate.

For two weeks I walked around

with "Land of Lincoln"
on my forehead.

Toby, you didn't get
those bruises

from falling off a fence.

Sure, I did.

No, you didn't and...

you didn't hurt your arm falling
out of a tree, either.

Now, why don't you tell them
what really happened.

Rick, you promised.

I, I know I promised
but some things

are more important
than promises.

You got to put an end

to all this junk
you're going through.

Rick.

Toby, these guys can help.
they really can.

Your father hit you, didn't he?

Yeah. He hit me.

But, look, I had it coming.

We got this brand-new carpet,
and I tracked mud all over it.

Toby, you think you deserve
to be hit for that?

Well,
it's a real expensive carpet.

My dad warned me
not to mess it up.

I'm gonna have a talk
with your father.

No! Please don't.

Look, he said he was sorry.
He even bought me that new sled.

Son, now that I know about this,
I have to talk to your father.

But, I don't want to get him
in trouble.

And we don't want you
to get hurt anymore.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, who is it?

LARRY: Larry Anders.

-[LAUGHS]
-Hi, Edward Stratton,

-can I take your coat?
-Sure.

Well, this is quite
a palace you got, here.

I guess I missed the changing
of the guard.

Please.

You know, you were
pretty mysterious on the phone.

You said there was something
about my son.

What happened?
Did Toby screw up?

Heh, no, not at all. As a matter
of fact he's a terrific kid.

Right, he is.

The little guy means the world
to me,

especially since
his mother d*ed.

Larry, can I get you a drink,
uh, cup of coffee, cola,

-root beer or ginger ale?
-I'll take a root beer.

What the heck, it's after 5:00.

So, there's something
about Toby?

Yeah.

He's been having a lot
of accidents lately.

Yeah... kids.

He's at that awkward age,
you know, uh,

the old coordination's all
out of whack.

You must've noticed his bruises.

Yeah.

Well, I have to take most
of the blame for that.

You do?

I never should've let him try
a crazy stunt like that.

See, he wanted to walk along
the top of a picket fence.

He was doing great at first
until he hit this icy patch

-and--
-Larry.

Yeah?

Toby got the bruises from you,
you hit him.

Are you accusing me
of b*ating up my own son?

Look, I know there are reasons
these things happen--

Did Toby tell you I hit him?

I think we should discuss
the situation--

I'm not gonna listen
to this crap.

Just sit down, Larry, okay?
Here's your drink--

Forget it!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that.

Larry, it's tough to be
a father.

Every parent gets mad
at their kids.

Just the other day,
Rick was dribbling a basketball

in the house
and I told him to stop.

And he went ahead anyway and...

ended up breaking something
very valuable...

and I was furious.

I had the urge to hit him.

Did you?

No.

Look, Toby needs discipline.
It's for his own good.

Larry, I believe in discipline,
too--

You don't understand.

I work 60 hours a week

just to keep a roof
over my kid's head.

I come home bone-tired
I look around in the dishes

I asked Toby to do
are still sitting in the sink.

His bedroom,
which he promised to clean,

still looks like a pigsty.

So, I ask him about it,

he looks up at me and he says,
"I forgot."

Well, it's not good enough
to say "I forgot."

It's a tough world out there.

If all you've got is a bunch
of lame excuses,

you'll never amount
to a damn thing!

Instead of whimpering
and whining,

I should've shaped up,

I should've done
what I was told, but I didn't.

It's no wonder my father
was furious,

it's no wonder he hit me...

I mean, I hit Toby.

Your father hit you?

He loved me, and I loved him...

and I hated him.

I don't want Toby to hate me.

I realize what I've been doing
is wrong.

I promise you, I will
never hit Toby again.

You're right, Larry, you won't,

because we're gonna get
you some help.

What?
What do you mean?

I'm on the board
of children's hospital.

We often work with
an organization called

Parents Anonymous.

I don't need that. I told you,
I won't hit him anymore.

Haven't you told yourself
that before?

Yeah...

but I'm not going to a place
full of freaks and weirdos.

No, it's not like that, Larry.
These people are just like you.

They have the same problem.

Why is this happening to me?

You're supposed to know
how to be a good parent.

Who made that rule up?

Nobody's born
the perfect parent, I...

I sometimes feel like...

by the time I learn all I need
to know about being a father,

I'll be a grandfather.

Then I'll have to learn that.

Just let me think about
this Parents Anonymous thing.

There's a meeting tonight.

Now, we can have dinner,
we'll go over there together

and I'll be with you the
whole time.

What if I say no?

Well, then our only other choice
Is to call in the police.

And you'll be charged
with child abuse.

And Toby will go
to a foster home.

He's my son.
I don't think there's a court

in the country that would take
him away from me.

You could be right.

I remember last year
there was...

a kid came into the hospital,
he was pretty banged up...

and the doctors found out that
his father had been b*ating him.

They reported it.
The case went to court.

And the father
swore up and down...

that he would never do
that again.

So, the judge gave him
the benefit of the doubt.

And then a month later...

he lost control
and hit his son again.

He found himself right back
in court.

Only this time...

he was on trial for m*rder.

[MUMBLING, GIGGLING]

-That sled goes fast.
-Yeah.

That was such a blast.

What about that jump we did?

She did that good.

-She got about this high.
-Yeah.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Son.

Th-- the sled's terrific.

Yeah, we went down
Tugman's Hill,

close to three hundred miles
an hour.

Yeah, we whipped around
the corner,

almost hit Mrs. O'Reilly.

She's 70 years old, but,

I bet she could make
the Olympic high jumping team.

Kate, Kate Summers,
Larry Anders.

Hello.

Son...

sit down here for a minute.

We're gonna have to split up
for a while.

Why?

Because...

I have a problem.

I think it's about time
I did something about it.

While I'm doing that,
I want you to stay

with Aunt Florence for a while.

Dad, everything in her house
has a doily on it.

I know...

but she'll take care of you
while I work on my problem.

I want to be a better father.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Toby.

-[TOBY SOBS]
-I got to go.

Ricky's dad and I are going
to a meeting.

See you guys later, huh?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Dad...

I'll walk with you
out to the car.

Sometimes I forget
how lucky I am.

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoon ♪
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