02x10 - The Practical Joker

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Zorro". Aired: October 10, 1957 –; July 2, 1959.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Series is set in Los Angeles of the early nineteenth century, when it was part of the old Spanish California, where the people are oppressed by their rulers.
Post Reply

02x10 - The Practical Joker

Post by bunniefuu »

( dramatic theme playing)

(thunder crashing)

♪ Out of the night ♪

♪ When the full moon Is bright ♪

♪ Comes the horseman
Known as Zorro ♪

♪ This bold renegade ♪

♪ Carves a Z with his blade ♪

♪ A Z that stands for Zorro ♪

♪ Zorro ♪

♪ The fox so cunning and free ♪

♪ Zorro ♪

♪ Who makes the sign of the Z ♪

♪ Zorro ♪

♪ The fox so cunning and free ♪

♪ Zorro ♪

♪ Who makes the sign of the Z ♪

♪ Zorro, Zorro ♪

♪ Zorro, Zorro ♪

♪ Zorro ♪

( dramatic theme playing)

Not a sound, señor. This
is a Kn*fe in your back.

You're making a mistake,
señor. I have no money.

Your name is Diego
de la Vega? Sí.

Then there is no mistake, señor.

Make your peace.

I know your voice.

Prepare to die.

Wait a minute, Diego.
It's me, Ricardo del Amo.

Ricardo. What in
the world are...?

It's me.

Will you please get off my arm?

I ought to be on your head.

Ricardo del Amo, up to
your old tricks again, eh?

"Prepare to die." I thought
I recognized your voice.

Scared you, didn't I?

Yes, I thought
I'd have to k*ll you.

What are you doing in Monterey?

Did they run you
out of San Francisco?

That, my friend, is a
long and fascinating story.

Well, your stories
usually are. Well...

No. But tell me.
You lie so well.

That is one of my
better accomplishments.

I'm staying with my
cousin down at the beach.

Why not come back with me?
We can talk while I clean up.

I have a room here at
the inn. You can use that.

Bueno, bueno.

Whoa. Forgot my Kn*fe.

You never can tell, I might
meet another old friend.

One of these days, those
practical jokes of yours

will buy you some real trouble.

Diego, you couldn't
be more wrong.

Leaving San Francisco
was the best thing

that ever happened to me.

I can imagine. No,
you can't imagine.

How do I thank him? Just nod.

You see, coming down here
on the stage, I met a señorita.

I'll amend that. The señorita.

Diego, what a beautiful woman.

Skin like milk and
just enough of it.

And her hair is as
black as the night.

And her eyes...

Oh, her eyes. I hope
she had two of them.

I'm serious. Like two
crystal pools in the moonlight.

Her disposition, honey,
seasoned with spice.

You found all this
in one señorita?

Sí. And she's here in Monterey?

She lives here. Well,
that's very strange.

I've been here for some time,

and I have not run across
any such fabulous beauty.

Of course, you couldn't
be exaggerating, could you?

On my grandfather's grave.

But you shall see
for yourself tonight.

I am going to serenade her.

Oh, take my guitar.
No, mine's on my horse.

This is for you. For me?

You're coming with me. But why?

Diego, I'm in love.

Well, you certainly
don't need me, then.

Well, you see, she
has an uncle. Oh, you...

You want me to
serenade the uncle, huh?

Well, you see, he
probably won't be there,

but if he is, well,

you're so well educated,
so well travelled...

All right, all right, all
right, I'll go with you.

On one condition.
Anything you say.

Please, don't tell anyone
you know me. Why?

Well, people in Monterey,
they... They like me.

( gentle theme playing)

Diego, her room is up
there. Now, remember,

if her uncle isn't home, say
buenas noches and leave.

All right.

(playing)

♪ When the strolling
Minstrels sing ♪

BOTH: ♪ They
sing of la gaviota ♪

♪ The snow white gull ♪

♪ That glides over
The summer seas ♪

♪ And my own true
love Is like la gaviota ♪

♪ Like a gull in flight
She dances gracefully ♪

♪ Fly, gaviota, fly ♪

♪ Dance, señorita, dance ♪

♪ Gypsy spirits Both
so wild and free ♪

♪ Yes, my own true
love Is like la gaviota ♪

♪ Like a gull in flight
She dances gracefully ♪

♪ Fly, gaviota, fly ♪

♪ Dance, señorita, dance ♪

♪ Gypsy spirits Both
so wild and free ♪

♪ Yes, my own true
love Is like la gaviota ♪

♪ Like a gull in flight
She dances gracefully ♪

Well, you didn't make a very
good first impression, did you?

You never once told me her name.

Would that have
made any difference?

Ah. Your pardon, señores,

but the Señorita Verdugo
asks that you come into the sala.

Well, Don Diego, it's
been a great pleasure.

We must get together
again sometime.

The señorita did say
both of us, didn't she?

Sí, señor.

Oh, well, she was
just being polite.

Remember the uncle.

Oh, Ricardo, your
song was lovely.

It made me very happy.

Then you have
made me very happy.

Anna Maria, may I present
my friend Señor de la Vega,

who cannot stay very long?

Diego, what a pleasant surprise.

You surprised me too. I
had no idea you returned.

ANNA MARIA: I just
arrived this morning.

You two know each other?

What happened?
Why didn't you write?

Nothing happened,
and I did write.

You'll probably receive
a letter tomorrow.

Father's safely on
his way to Spain.

I decided not to go with
him and came back home.

I guess you do.

This isn't home. No.

I'm giving the servants a
few days to clean the house,

and I'm staying here with
my uncle and cousin Milana.

A lovely girl, Diego.

You two would go
very well together.

(chuckles): Do you know her?

No, but any relative of yours
must be beautiful, Anna Maria.

Gracias, Ricardo.

Would you care to sit down?

Now, isn't this
more comfortable?

Much more.

Anna Maria, is your...?
Is your uncle at home?

No, he and Milana
went out to dinner.

Did you wish to speak to him?

Oh, no, no. I don't.
He does. Oh, do you?

Well, I... Yes, that's
the reason he came.

He said to me, "Ricardo,
if her uncle isn't there,

I'm going to leave immediately."

Did you say that, Diego?

Well, I didn't know you
were going to be here.

He deliberately didn't
mention any names.

Oh, so the serenade
was just for any girl

who happened to
be on the balcony?

Well, that's Diego for you.

You know, once in Los
Angeles, I tracked him 17 miles,

following a trail of broken
hearts that he left behind.

I don't believe that.

Why, you're not a ladies'
man, are you, Diego?

Well, when you have known
Señor del Amo a little longer...

I amend that.

When you've had the misfortune

to know Señor del
Amo a little longer,

you will learn that you
must take everything he says

with a grain of salt.

All the way from San Francisco,

he kept telling me how
lovely he thought I was.

Do you mean to say he was lying?

Now, try and get
out of that one.

(chuckles): All
right. I surrender.

I am happy to see
you back in Monterey.

But I'm very sorry to find that
you did not come back alone.

( tense theme playing)

Well, buenas noches, Ricardo.

I'm sorry you have such
a long ride ahead of you.

My cousin doesn't live
that far. That's too bad.

You know, I was thinking, Diego,

about the three of us
riding in the morning.

After all, you're here in
Monterey on business.

I wouldn't like to think
that you were neglecting it.

Well, that's very
considerate of you.

Not at all.

What would you like
me to tell Anna Maria?

I'll tell her myself as we
ride together in the morning.

Good night.

(whistles)

Hyah.

You can't imagine it, Bernardo.

I looked up at the
balcony, and there she was.

Did I tell you how
beautiful she was?

She was as lovely as ever.

Yes, I have a feeling
that our stay in Monterey

is going to be very pleasant.

(knocking on door)

Come in.

Buenas noches, Don Diego.

Ah, sergeant, I'm
glad to see you.

I am sorry to have disturbed
you at such a late hour, Don Diego.

You weren't disturbing
me. I couldn't sleep anyway.

Sit down, sit down.

Gracias, but no.

Sergeant, I want to tell you

about a marvelous
surprise I had tonight.

I am afraid you have one more
surprise coming, Don Diego.

Oh?

I have some unpleasant
news for you, Don Diego.

Oh?

Sí. You are under arrest.

( suspenseful theme playing)

What did you say?

I am sorry, Don Diego,
but you are under arrest.

Will you come with
me now, please?

Well, am I a criminal?

Oh, no, Don
Diego, of course not.

Only a horse thief.

Well, that's very
funny, sergeant,

but you know the
de la Vega hacienda

has a hundred
horses in Los Angeles.

The charge is that you have
one extra one here in Monterey.

A pinto. You're serious.

Sí, Don Diego. Señor
Caesar. Señor who?

Señor Caesar, the man
whose horse you stole.

I mean, the man who
says you took his horse.

He's waiting at
the garrison now.

Well, let's go.

I want to hear Señor Caesar
call me a horse thief to my face.

Gracias, Don Diego. I
think that would be best.

Come on.

There he goes. That is the one.

Do you think we will
need any more help?

We can handle him.

Just don't arouse any
suspicion until we get out of town.

( dramatic theme playing)

All right, where
is Señor Caesar?

I do not see him, Don Diego.

Oh, Corporal Reyes.

Hm. Sí, sergeant?

I do not see Señor Caesar.

He's not here, sergeant.
That's why you don't see him.

Thank you, corporal.
You're welcome, sergeant.

Baboso, come back
here. Now, where is he?

Oh.

He had to step out for a minute.
He said for you to wait for him.

Why, this is ridiculous.
You know where to find me.

Don Diego, please,
you must remain here.

I am under orders.
You are still under arrest.

( ominous theme playing)

Ah, Bernardo.

Oh, of course, little one.

Buenos días, Don Diego.

Did you sleep well?

If you haven't come here to
let me out, don't talk to me.

The little one, he brought
you a nice breakfast.

You eat it.

Gracias.

No, I could not do that,
Don Diego. It is yours.

I don't want it.

Now, are you going
to let me out or not?

You are my best
friend, Don Diego, but...

Look, I am a horse thief.
Now, how can I be your friend?

Please, I know you
are not a horse thief.

Well, then why
don't you let me out?

Eat your breakfast. It
will make you feel better.

Well, if he will not eat it,

little one, he will not eat it.

Let's see what you
brought him, eh?

A sausage.

I have never seen
a sausage so large.

Are you sure you don't
want it, Don Diego?

Take it and stuff yourself.

It would be a shame

to let such a fine
sausage go to waste, eh?

(crunches)

(groans)

(laughs)

Well, I'm glad that something
amuses you, sergeant.

The little one, he put
a file in your sausage.

At least he was
trying to help me.

I would like to help
you too, Don Diego,

but my hands are tied.

There is a formal complaint.
Here, you can see for yourself.

It is signed "Julius Caesar."

Julius Caesar?

Ricardo.

Oh, no, Don Diego.
Julius Caesar.

The signature is quite plain.

Oh, sergeant, can't
you see this is a joke?

A stupid practical joke? It is?

Julius Caesar was
a Roman general.

What is he doing
here in California?

And without his uniform?

He's not here. He's dead.

He looked all right
to me, Don Diego.

You must be mistaken.
Sergeant, are you going...?

RICARDO: I suppose
that this must be the place

where they keep the criminals.

Here is Señor Caesar now. Diego.

Now, now, don't get too
close. He might be dangerous.

Listen, del Amo, you
get me out of here

and then you start running.

What has happened, Diego?

Please, Don Diego,
do not get excited.

Who's excited? I'll just
k*ll him with my bare hands.

Very calmly, of course.

But why, Diego?
Why are you here?

Well, haven't you
heard? I'm a horse thief.

Señor Caesar... Caesar?

Julius Caesar. Sergeant, why?

Now, tell me, why
have you locked up

my old friend Don Diego?

Well, you yourself signed
the complaint, Señor Caesar.

Nonsense. Your pardon,
señor, but you did.

Oh, yes, yes, I
signed this document,

but the Diego de la
Vega who is a horse thief

is a much taller man,
by at least 6 inches.

Sergeant, I think I am
beginning to understand.

Ricardo, this isn't very nice.

Oh, well, I thought
it was very funny.

Funny, eh? Well, just
wait till I get out of here.

(chuckling)

I'm sorry, Diego, but
you look so indignant.

(all laughing)

All right, all
right. I'm beaten.

But get me out
of here, will you?

Lancer, unlock the cell door.

You won't still harm
Señor Caesar, will you?

No, I'll...

I'll just cut him a
little around the throat.

Use my Kn*fe. I deserve it.
Put that Kn*fe away, you idiot.

Thanks for your
hospitality, sergeant.

Anytime at all, Don Diego.

I mean, adiós, Don Diego.
You know what I mean.

Señor Caesar, as for you...

Adiós for me too, sergeant?

My friends are waiting.

Well, this time,

but I warn you, in the future,

do not use the king's
soldiers for one of your jokes.

I promise, sergeant.

For what it's worth.

I have more to
say to you, señor,

but today is the day I
must deliver the payroll

to the southern presidios.

Adiós, Señorita Verdugo.
Don Diego. Señor.

Señor.

( dramatic theme playing)

(giggling)

(mouths): Go.

ANNA MARIA: Diego,
is something the matter?

No, no, no.

There's still time to go riding.

While you go
change your clothes,

you go get his horse.

Me? You heard me.

Whoa.

That Army payroll will
be 10,000 pesos if it is 1.

BANDIT 2: Are you
sure we can do it?

BANDIT 1: Easily. They never
send more than two soldiers with it.

We will just wait until they
get far enough out of Monterey.

Come on.

Sergeant Garcia. Señor Caesar.

Quiet, corporal, quiet.

Who do you want
me to arrest now?

Sergeant Garcia, you
are going to be held up.

Held up?

Yes, I overheard
two men talking.

They're going to try to
rob you of the payroll.

What men? I don't know,

but you'd better
be on your guard.

Oh, I will, Señor Caesar.

No, no, no, that is all a joke.
My name is Ricardo del Amo.

Well, thank you for
telling me, Don Ricardo.

Not at all. Now, you will
take care of everything?

Oh, everything. Adiós,
and gracias again.

Por nada.

Corporal.

Where do you
think you are going?

To tell the comandante
about the holdup.

What holdup?

He just told you.
Didn't you listen?

Don Ricardo was just
playing a joke on us.

He was?

Of course.

And I do not intend
to become the victim

of any more of
his practical jokes.

(scoffs)

( dramatic theme playing)

Are you still riding
with us, Ricardo?

He's behaved himself. In
fact, he's been quite sweet.

Well, that's when he's
the most dangerous.

Everything seems
to be all right.

Well, I didn't have time.

What is it now, Diego?

You ride on ahead. I'll
catch up with you later.

All right. Don't
hurry on my account.

What's wrong?

Yes, I know. Sergeant Garcia's
delivering the payroll today.

No, he doesn't
need Zorro's help.

(horse whinnies)

Somebody's coming.
Let's get the horses.

Sergeant, your back
makes an excellent target.

Sergeant. Yes, corporal?

Let's go back to Los Angeles.

Well, what happened?

We were held up, Don
Ricardo, just as you said.

Are you all right?

Sí, señorita.

Well, did they take
the money? Every peso.

Well, what about
the other soldiers?

I told you, sergeant.

Please, Don Ricardo,

signal to your men to
bring the payroll back, eh?

What are you talking about?

A joke is a joke, señor.

This was not one of my
jokes, believe me, sergeant.

You were held up.

(laughing)

We were?

We were. There
they go, sergeant.

Anna Maria, you stay here.

Look, señorita. Zorro.

Quick, corporal. Go
chase our horses.

They've already run away.
Where shall I chase them to now?

Chase them from where they
are back to where we are, stupid.

Señorita, señorita.

( exciting theme playing)

Are you all right, Ricardo?

I'm fine, Anna Maria.

It is good to see you
again, Señor Zorro.

I'm flattered that you
remember me, señorita.

May I present Señor
del Amo, a friend?

Ricardo, this is el
Zorro, also a friend.

Your pardon, señorita,
but I must leave.

Sergeant Garcia
will soon be here,

and, well, we've
had our differences.

I understand.

But my horse seems to
have run away, Señor Zorro.

Could you take me
back to the hacienda?

(whistles)

Anna Maria, I would be
glad to take you home.

But the bandidos.

You must stay here until
Sergeant Garcia arrives.

Do you mind?

I would be delighted, señorita.

I'll see you tonight.

Adiós, señor, it's been
very nice to meet you.

We shall meet again, señor.

( action theme playing)

♪ Zorro, Zorro ♪

( mysterious theme playing)

ANNOUNCER: Next week, a bold
imposter masquerades as Zorro.

Diego, that can't be Zorro.

Do not move, Señor Zorro.

Don Diego, you were right.

I have captured Zorro.

ANNOUNCER: An
innocent prank backfires

and sends an innocent
man to the gallows.

Sergeant, you will have the
gallows erected immediately.

( ominous theme playing)

(drumming)

Spring the trap!

MAN: Zorro.

ANNOUNCER: expl*sive
action topped with suspense,

next week when the
Walt Disney Studio

presents "The Flaming Arrow,"

another great adventure
for you to share with Zorro.

( upbeat theme playing)
Post Reply