03x03 - Growing Pains: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hoping to find We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go Making it grow ♪

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪ ♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪ ♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I Together ♪

[WEAPONS f*ring ON ARCADE GAME]

Here we go, guys.

Hey, you know what? We could've won that soccer game.

Right.

If the other team had showed up an hour later,

we could've won by default.

Hey, it's not important that we didn't win.

What's important is we look great in our uniforms.

Yeah, gnarly.

I guess that victory clambake at Jones Beach Saturday night

is just gonna be a clambake.

Hold the "victory."

Hey, speaking of holding.

Anybody else got a date besides me?

Hey, this dude's like an eagle.

I fly solo.

Couldn't find anybody, huh?

No.

Nate, you taking Sandy?

Yeah. She's gnarly.

Well, I haven't found anyone yet.

You know how freshman girls are.

They just wanna date upper classmen.

Yeah. I know.

Well, have you thought of asking Tawny Oglethorpe?

Tawny Oglethorpe? She'd never go out with me.

Not true. Oddly enough.

I ran into her in the hall the other day.

She asked me if you're going.

Outrageous. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I gotta know exactly how she said it.

I mean, did she say, "Is Rick going?"

Or did she say, "Is Rick going?"

She said, "Is Rick going?"

Ooh! Ooh!

Tawny Oglethorpe. Talk about a hot babe.

Remember at homecoming parade? Yeah.

She's so hot, she can just make you--

Hey, I thought I heard you guys out here.

Hi, guys. Hey, Kate, it's the guys.

So, uh, how's it going?

Fine. Fine.

Fine. Gnarly.

Ah.

So how did the game go? We lost.

Oh, no. Hey, that's too bad.

You know, I remember how I used to feel when we lost.

[CHUCKLES]

Wanna talk about it?

I guess we don't.

Ah. Well, I understand that.

Sometimes it's better not to talk about these things, huh?

Edward, I really think we should get back to work.

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

I know what will cheer you guys up.

Dad, we really don't need-- Guys!

Meet Mo Hogany.

You get it?

Mo Hogany. Mahogany.

This is the latest from Eddie Toys.

Edward. I don't think-- This is gonna be great, Kate.

The guys are gonna love this. Ahem.

So, uh, Mo, you look a little depressed.

Yeah, my girl's not feeling well.

She's got termites.

EDWARD [LAUGHS]: So tell me...

how do you feel about that?

I'm really pining for her.

[LAUGHING]

He's really pining...

Yeah. Edward--

Isn't that amazing? Hey, guys, I'm not even a ventriloquist.

Look at this. See?

He's preprogrammed with 24 punchlines.

Watch this. So, Mo, uh, uh...

I understand your uncle has a seat in Congress.

No, dumbbell.

He is a seat in Congress.

EDWARD [LAUGHING]: He's...

Well, who wants to play with him first, huh?

I...

don't.

Well, anyway, actually we were just leaving.

So long, everybody.

See you later, Rick.

Hey, Nate.

Don't you think he's gnarly?

Oh, not particularly. No.

[DOOR CLOSES] I guess you guys

are kind of down by losing, huh? Yeah. I guess so.

Look, Dad, I got a lot of stuff to do.

Kate, you notice Rick's been acting kind of strange lately?

You know, aloof, distant, cool.

Normal.

Normal? Well, of course.

Rick is that age where you don't always want your parents around.

It's embarrassing.

What's embarrassing?

Edward, I will never forget when I was 14.

I was with my friends and my mother came in

and ask me to clean up my room, and I just lost it. I said...

"Oh, sh**t!"

I'm shocked.

Well, so was my mom.

But, you know, it helped me to find myself.

No. Kate, Rick and I are different.

We've always had open lines of communication.

Hey, Rick?

Rick, why is the door locked?

[SIGHS]

A guy needs his privacy, Dad. Oh.

Yeah. Sure.

Listen, I got an idea.

Why don't you and I go down to Ye Old Pizzeria tonight, huh?

Sing-along night. The Banjo Brigade will be there.

Hey, we can complete our collection

of famous little people mugs.

All we need is Micky Rooney and Sneezy.

Sorry, Dad, I can't.

Remember? I'm gonna go hang out with the guys?

Ah. The guys.

Any girls? [SCOFFS]

Dad, what's with all the questions?

You never used to ask so many questions?

I never used to have to, son. You tell me what you were doing.

What time you're gonna be home?

The usual.

Yeah, well, just remember tomorrow is a school day, huh?

You'll be home at 9, not 9:30 like last week.

Okay, Dad, gotcha, 9:00.

Catch you later.

Hey.

I think you could use another hole right there.

Dad, I can't cut this shirt. It's brand-new.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Great shirt.

[LAUGHS]

It's pretty cool.

I was really hoping you'd ask me to the clambake, Rick.

It's like...

It's like a miracle.

Stick with me, Tawny.

I'll make all your dreams come true.

[THINKING] I hope one of her dreams is to go home soon.

I'm an hour and 15 minutes late.

Maybe I'll just be honest with her. I'll say, "Tawny,

I was supposed to be home at 9:00,

so I'll have to leave now."

She'll say, "Rick, you're a real wuss."

[SLURPING]

Good. She's done with her soda.

Maybe now she'll wanna leave.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, come on, let's dance. I love to dance.

Hey, you got it.

I love the song.

It's called "This Night Will Never End."

That's what I'm afraid of.

Say, Tawny, don't you have a curfew?

Yeah. Could you believe it? Eleven o'clock.

Ah, a couple of more minutes couldn't hurt.

Maybe Dad took Kate down to see the Banjo Brigade.

Yeah, see, I'm worrying for nothing.

You're such a good dancer.

What more could a guy ask for?

EDWARD: Rick!

Dad.

Dad, what are you doing here?

Better question is what are you doing here?

You had a 9 p.m. curfew. It's way after 10.

I was gonna call you, but look,

Boy Alvin's been on the phone all night.

Say good night to your friends. Let's go.

I have to go now. There's a slight family problem.

Yeah. And you're it.

I hope you're satisfied.

You've just ruined my entire life.

You know those people who walk down the street,

pushing shopping carts,

snooping through garbage and talking to themselves?

Well, now I know what they're saying.

They're saying, "Why did my father

have to walk into that hamburger place

and humiliate me in front of all my friends?"

Rick, I wasn't thinking of your friends. I was thinking of you.

I was concerned about you.

Couldn't you have phoned in your concern?

Did you have to bring it in person?

The phone was tied up. You said it yourself.

Dad, you could've called the service station

across the street. Abdul's Gas Mecca.

Abdul would've run over and got me.

Oh, come on. Abdul won't even wash your windshield.

Let alone run across the street and deliver a message.

Rick, it's your responsibility to be home on time.

I'm surprised you didn't call the police.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Well, we've been patrolling the streets, Mr. Stratton--

Oh, I see you've found the little guy.

Yeah. Thanks, Al.

Well, I guess I'll get back to the donut shop.

Good night.

Good night. [DOOR CLOSES]

Look, you were an hour and half late, son.

Come on, we agreed you'd be home at 9:00.

Why do I have to keep Captain Kangaroo hours?

None of my other friends have to be home that early.

I'm not responsible for your other friends.

I'm responsible for you.

Now, since you were late two times,

you're gonna be home at 6 p.m. every night next week.

But, Dad, I can't.

What about the big clambake at Jones Beach Saturday night?

Well, I hope they're baking early.

Dad, I'm not only thinking about myself.

I'm thinking about Tawny Oglethorpe.

You'll be ruining her miracle.

Well, maybe you should've thought all this

before you broke a curfew, huh?

Frankly, son, I gotta tell you,

I don't know what's come over you lately.

You know, Dad...

I'm very disappointed in you.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

Hi, guys.

Hi, Rick.

I was thinking about what happened last night, and...

I'm lucky to have good friends like you

who'll not take advantage of this opportunity

to make some real cheap jokes.

Oh, hey, Rick, you know us better than that.

Come on, buddy, sit down. All right.

Need a booster chair?

There's one.

Hey, Rick, it's past 4:00.

Isn't time for your nap?

There's another one.

Well, I'll tell you, Rick,

we'd love to stay and talk to you, buddy,

but we do have to consider our reputations.

See you later, buddy.

Aren't you worried about your reputation, Alfonso?

If I was, do you think I'd be sitting here?

All right. Thanks.

Tomorrow night at the clambake with Tawny,

none of this will matter. [SIGHS]

I won't be at the clambake, Alfonso. I've been grounded.

Rick, you gotta be there.

You can't missed the crowning of the clam queen.

It could be Tawny.

That would make me clam king.

But no.

I'll be sitting in my room

watching the Burl Ives film festival.

Rick, buddy, you're giving in too soon.

There's a way out of this. How?

I've seen guys in worse jams.

When I lived in Thailand, I have a friend named Phib Hab.

One day, he borrowed the family water buffalo

without permission.

He got grounded for a whole monsoon season.

But instead of moping around his hut,

Phib Hab presented his father with an albino coalfish

and a necklace of tiger teeth.

His father forgave him and even took him boar hunting.

I get it.

I mean, he kind of paid tribute to his dad to show respect.

And once his father realized he was sincere he forgave him.

Yeah. It's called kissing up.

[SIGHS] What do you think, Kate?

I shouldn't have gone to the hang out

to get Rick last night, huh?

Well, now you mentioned-- What else could I do?

He was an hour and a half late. I was sick with worry.

Okay.

You think grounding him for week is too rough?

Well, to be perfectly honest-- Oh, come on, Kate,

I should've ground him for two weeks.

Okay. Fine.

For some reason he seems to be testing me.

I don't get it. It's not like him.

You're not really acting like your old self either.

Hey, I'm not acting like my old me

because he's not acting like his old him.

My old me could never control his new him.

If he starts acting like his old him again,

I'll start acting like my old me again.

Edward, why do you bother asking me about these things?

Because I value your opinion.

Dad, do you have a minute?

Yeah, sure, son.

Well, I've come to pay tribute and respect.

Oh?

First, the evening paper.

KATE: "Edward Stratton III, world's greatest father."

"Praised for his forgiving qualities."

Aww!

That's very cute. Yeah.

And to give you something to do while you read your paper,

you can eat a sandwich made from your favorite meat.

Imported Italian bologna?

Yeah, and it's fresh too.

Last week, this was a pig in Naples.

Isn't that thoughtful?

That's really very nice, son.

But I hope you're not doing this to get out of being grounded.

No, Dad.

I'm doing this because I love you.

I'm not changing my mind.

Do you know how much this bologna costs?

Uh...

I've got an idea.

Why don't you let Rick go to the clambake

and then tack on a couple extra nights

at the end of the week, to make up for it.

Good suggestion, Kate.

I still get to go to the clambake,

you still get to punish me so you'll be happy, I'll be happy.

We'll all be happy.

You're not happy.

The answer is no.

Rick, if lighten the punishment, I lose my authority.

As long as you live in this house, you go by my rules.

Dad, you're treating me like a child.

I'm not a child.

I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!

I wish I had a tape recorder.

Dad, I used to think you were a nice guy.

Oh, sure, I'm a nice guy as long as I do what you want.

All I want is for you to trust me.

Trust is something that's earned.

You don't trust me, you don't respect me,

you don't even care about me. You wait just a minute.

I wouldn't be going through all this if I didn't care about you.

Don't bother.

Singing telegram for the world's greatest father

from his loving son, Rick.

[BLOWS PITCH PIPE]

Alfonso, I--

♪ You're my papa ♪

♪ You're the tower of Pisa ♪

♪ You're the smile On the Mona Lisa ♪

♪ You're a perfect 10 ♪

♪ The bestest friend ♪

♪ A son ever had ♪

♪ A buddy if I'm your son ♪

♪ You're my... ♪

Dad?

Was it something I sang?

No.

[ANSWERING MACHINE TAPE REWINDING]

SANDY [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]: Hi, Ed.

This is Sandy your friendly stockbroker.

How do you like my new car phone? It's just--

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[CRASH]

I'll get back to you.

[TONE SOUNDS]

Well, this is your son, Rick.

I'm calling to let you know I no longer live there.

So if you want, you can rent my room out.

Anyway, it was nice while it lasted.

[RECEIVER CLICKS]

[DIAL TONE HUMS]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Well, this is it.

This is the presidential suite?

Yeah. Every four years in November, we vacuum.

[LAUGHS]

[RUMBLING] What's that?

What? I said what's that?

Oh, that's the L train passing by.

The new quiet ones.

Oh.

You'll need some fresh towels.

[WHISTLING A TUNE]

There you go.

Thanks.

The water's brown.

Oh. Perfectly fine.

Perfectly fine.

Just don't drink it or let it touch your skin.

Are you sure that this is the best room you've got?

Yeah. You want it or not?

I guess it beats the park bench.

That's our motto.

I only have $15.

You're lucky. It's the off-season.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bed bugs bite.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

You're kidding, right?

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons Together ♪