03x06 - I Won't Dance

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Silver Spoons". Aired: September 25, 1982 - May 11, 1986.*
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Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
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03x06 - I Won't Dance

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hoping to find We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go Making it grow ♪

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about those Things you just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together We're going to find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS]

[GROANS] Hey, come on, Rick. That was a great game.

Dad, we should have won it.

Don't blame yourself. There wasn't you could do.

Tell me Tubby Futterman was on their side.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

It's tough to score when the goalie's belly

is bigger than the goal.

What do you say we get sodas, watch a Humphrey Bogart movie?

I've got to come up with an idea for a history project.

I know, and if you don't do your homework

you'll regret it, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow,

but soon, and for the rest of your life.

That's great, Dad. Now do Bogart.

How come you're studying so hard?

Do you know what you need on your scholastic aptitude test

to get into a school like Harvard?

You need 1300 combined.

Needed 2000 to get into my alma mater, Aspen Junior college.

I thought 1600 was the best score possible.

$2000.

That included lift tickets.

I graduated at the top of my mountain.

Dad. I'm sorry.

What do you say I help you think of a project?

Okay. Now it's got to be on the-the history

of American business in the 20th century.

I want it to be spectacular.

You should have seen Calvin Plotkins.

What'd Calvin do?

His topic was the Industrial Revolution.

He built a miniature assembly line

using toothpicks, mice and gerbils.

Sounds like a real rat race.

Dad, history is not funny.

All right, I got it.

We both know somebody who is the history

of American business in the 20th century.

People often ask me, what is the secret of success in business?

There is no secret.

Business is the result of hard work.

When others are playing, I am working.

When others are sleeping, I am working.

When I am sleeping, I am dreaming of working.

Business is competitive, ruthless and brutal.

And I love it.

Thank you.

[STUDENTS APPLAUDING]

Well, that certainly was straightforward.

Are there any questions?

Yeah, Tracy.

Well, my mother has a Stratton garbage disposal.

It's always breaking down.

I'm sure your mother puts artichoke leaves

or onion skins into the machine.

The instructions forbid it. She has only herself to blame.

Next! Calvin.

[CLEARS THROAT] Well, I've noticed that Stratton Industries is contemplating

issuing additional convertible preferred stock at 10 percent.

Now, wouldn't you be better off issuing bonds to raise capital?

I am amazed at the naïveté of your question.

It's not possible to float long-term bonds at 10 percent.

If it were, I would float billions of them.

What is your name?

Uh, Calvin Plotkin.

Mr. Plotkin. You had better find a good business school,

graduate, and then we'll talk.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Freeze.

You will not stir a muscle until your teacher dismisses you.

Why, thank you, Mr. Stratton.

Class is dismissed.

Great job, Grandfather. You're surprised?

Your teacher is that rare combination of great charming,

good looks, and keen and brilliant intelligence.

Yeah, and she gives a lot of homework.

She makes me think of a teacher I once had a crush on.

Her name was Lurch Turkey,

and I've often thought of calling on her,

but by now she'd be 114 years old.

Mr. Stratton, thank you for a lively presentation.

My pleasure. It was Richard's idea.

You know, I still can't believe that a man

who was on the cover of Time magazine

spoke to our little class.

I like to maintain my contacts with academia.

And as to you, I was very impressed with you as a teacher.

I was particularly impressed by the calm

with which you faced that gerbil with a hard hat

when he ran across the floor.

That's been happening all week.

I should probably return. Goodbye.

Bye.

You like her, don't you?

Well, she has very stately grace, yes.

Did I mention she's not married?

I assume that or she would not be called Miss Bugden.

You could ask her out for a date.

A date.

Yeah, and take her out to a movie.

The last movie I saw was in 1940, Boom Town.

Was quite good.

Man makes fortune, man loses fortune, man makes fortune.

I always enjoyed a good love story.

Come on, ask her. What's the worst that could happen?

Well, I could suffer massive rejection and total humiliation.

Is this the man whose personal license plates says "Crush 'em"?

I suppose I could ask her to dine with me tonight.

But I'm sure she's busy.

Come on, Grandfather, ask her.

Well, what am I going to lose?

Yes. All right. Yes.

Oh, wait a minute, here.

Miss Bugden.

There is a restaurant in Manhattan

that I am seriously considering purchasing.

It is important for me that I should obtain an objective view

of the quality of the food in that restaurant.

I thought perhaps you could supply that this evening.

Mr. Stratton, are you asking me out for dinner?

Affirmative.

Well, I'm sorry--

I understand, very short notice

and you're busy, I'm busy. Goodbye.

No, it's just that--

Tonight is my meeting of the Fox Trotters.

The Fox Trotters.

That's my ballroom dancing club.

Last year, two of our members were

runner-up in the Harvest Moon festival.

Well, that is very creditable. Goodbye.

[SOFTLY] Tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night? I'd be delighted.

Miss Bugden.

You and I will dine together tomorrow evening

at the Restaurant Castell.

Oh, dear, isn't that very expensive?

Well, not very. Around, uh, two and a half million.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

All right.

Mm. I love it when we're together like this.

Oh, I could stay here all day. Couldn't you?

No.

No? Oh! My leg's asleep.

[GROANS]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Is Grandfather here yet?

Oh, no. He's not, son. Good, I have time to change.

You know what he says when I wear sneakers.

BOTH: "Gentlemen dress like gentlemen."

Is he still seeing your teacher?

Yeah, two weeks. And they're still going strong.

Gee, my father's going steady.

I think it's wonderful.

Thank you.

What do you mean, thank you?

But you're forgetting I'm the one

that convinced him to ask her out.

What if thanks to me, they fall in love, get married

and have lots of... good times together.

Well, if he did fall in love, how would you know it?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, you'd know it.

Good afternoon all.

Well, Father,

you look positively natty.

Thank you.

It's such a splendid afternoon.

The sun is shining, birds are chirping.

And you, Miss Summers, look positivity radiant.

So do you. It's the handkerchief.

So Grandfather, where are we going today?

Well, it's such a beautiful day, I thought we'd visit

the Stratton Industries ball bearing factory.

Wow.

I can hardly wait.

Did Joni call me?

Joni?

Miss Bugden, all right?

Father.

Tell us about your main squeeze.

Joni is not a squeeze.

She's a highly intelligent woman who hangs on my every word.

Although she does have one liability.

She keeps asking me to dance.

Oh! That's terrific.

I hate dancing.

Why? It's an absurd activity,

totally unproductive and...

I don't know how.

I beg your pardon? I don't know how.

He doesn't know how. There, I've said it.

Father, why don't you learn? Yeah. Try this.

Ow!

Ouch!

Rick, I think your grandfather

is gonna need something a little more romantic.

[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]

Kate.

And just watch us, Grandfather.

Whoo!

What do you think?

Well, there's always Yahtzee.

[SPUTTERING] Edward. Oh! I'm sorry.

Oh! Come on, Father, try. Come on. It's easy. Easy.

All right. Right over here. That's it.

Now, I'll be the woman.

Why don't I be the woman?

Good plan.

And why don't you play something a little slower?

Better plan. Yeah.

There it is.

[BALLAD PLAYING] Lead with your left.

Forward, side, back together,

forward, side.

That's easy, anybody can do that.

That's wonderful. That's it.

I'm enjoying this.

You're a natural.

The aroma of your perfume is absolutely overwhelming.

Father, want to stick to the dancing?

[DUCK PHONE QUACKING]

Hello?

Hi, Miss Bugden.

Yes, I finished my homework.

That's enough small talk.

Hello, Joni, yes.

Did you get my memo?

About dining with Gerald and Betty Ford?

Uh-huh.

What?

So you can't make it?

Why can't someone else judge that dance contest?

Oh.

I see.

All right.

I-- I understand.

I understand.

Grandfather, what's the matter?

I've been dumped.

Are you sure she's dumping you?

She says it's not working, we shouldn't see each other again.

That's a dump, all right.

I know how rough it can be. I've been there once or twice.

Okay, once.

Father, maybe it's just temporary.

Yeah, my friends Bucky and Sue Ann,

they probably split up 10 or 15 times.

Please spare me those adolescent analogies.

Joni is not Sue Ann.

And I am not Bucky.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Wish those blasted birds would shut up.

What have I done to deserve that?

You look so vulnerable.

Shakespeare is right.

Love stinks.

Wait a minute. You can't give up.

Watch me. Oh, Ricky's right.

I mean, you have to expect these

little flare-ups early in a relationship.

Father, if you really care about her,

you should go after her.

No, it could be futile.

I understand.

What the man meant.

Song writer, when he wrote those classic lyrics,:

"Bang, bang, my baby sh*t me down."

This is all my fault.

Well, how do you figure that?

I'm the one that convinced him to ask her out.

If I hadn't said anything,

everything would be fine right now.

It's me and my big mouth, I guess I blew it.

Hey, now, come on, son.

You can't take responsibility for other people's feelings.

You fixed them up. What they do after that is up to them.

Yeah, you're right. It's not my fault.

Love. It's a rocky road.

Your assignment for tomorrow will be to read

chapter 6 of your text, "The Bill of Rights and You."

Yes, Calvin.

I've already finished the book.

Is there another text you could recommend?

[ALL CHIDING] Sit down!

I have a suggestion. What is it?

Why don't you go home and watch TV and eat some junk food?

STUDENTS: Yeah!

BUGDEN: Settle down, class.

Calvin, I'll bring in a list of books

that you could read for extra credit.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS] Class dismissed.

Rick.

I'd like to see you.

Well, that little outburst wasn't your usual style.

Sorry, Miss Bugden.

I guess I'm a little upset

because you sh*t down my grandfather.

I have no intention of discussing

my personal life with a student.

Okay?

Does it say anything in the Constitution

about dumping a grandfather?

I didn't even think he'd know I was gone.

Are you serious?

He was thinking of renaming his private jet

the Spirit of Miss Bugden.

Really?

Rick, you know, I like your grandfather.

It's just that he's so wrapped up in his business.

[SIGHS] That's the way he is.

Every year I look forward to my birthday memo.

I was willing to do the things that he enjoyed.

For example, our last date

consisted of drinks, dinner, and a corporate takeover.

I wouldn't mind if only he would be willing

to try some of the things that I like to do.

Are you kidding? My grandfather is a barrel of fun.

A large cup?

The other night I said to him:

"Eddie, let's go out and tackle a pizza."

And you know what he said to me?

"I do not eat any food I have to tackle."

Pizza would be a major breakthrough.

And then there's dancing. It's my absolute favorite thing.

He'd never go dancing with me.

That's because he doesn't know how.

He was afraid to tell you.

Edward Stratton's a very powerful man.

I can't even imagine him being afraid of anything.

See, my grandfather's real tough when it comes to business,

when it comes to his personal life,

he's really kind of shy.

I did notice he blushed every time we shook hands good night.

You really mean a lot to him.

Will you come to dinner Sunday and see him?

Well, I suppose he does deserve a more detailed explanation.

Of course, I could just send him a memo.

We're having pizza.

Why didn't you say so?

I haven't felt as queasy as this

since the big crash.

You'll be fine.

Five minutes late. She's not going to show up.

She'll be here.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I think I'll go mow the lawn.

Father.

Ah, you're right.

Never yet to run away from a fight.

The last of the romantics.

Hi, Miss Bugden, can I take your wrap?

Hello. Thank you.

This is Kate Summers, Miss Bugden.

And you know Rick.

Hi, pleasure to meet you. Hello. Nice to be here.

Hello, Rick. How are you?

Hi.

These are for you.

Why, thank you, African violets.

I didn't know they were in season.

They are in Africa.

Miss Bugden...

I'm glad to see you.

Really? Yes.

And now without further ado or hesitation or procrastination

I wish to ask you a question.

Would you...

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Would I log a demand?

Would you like to dance with him?

Well, that's very sweet of you, but you don't have to.

I know I don't have to, but I would like to.

It's not necessary.

It is necessary.

Then I'd be delighted.

Hit it, Rick.

[BALLAD PLAYING]

All right, side...

round...

He's really a very good student.

Look pretty good together, don't they?

Yeah.

I guess I've done it again.

BOTH: Huh?

I simply asked them out to dinner.

Whatever happens from here is entirely up to them

because I'm staying strictly out of this,

and I'm strictly an innocent bystander

who had nothing to do with this whatsoever.

Nothing. Nada, zero, zip, zilch.

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about those Things you just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver... ♪
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