03x12 - Lulu's Back in Town

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go Making it grow ♪

♪ Together We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪ ♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪ ♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[FUNKY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[KIDS CHEERING, APPLAUDING]

Stop the music! Stop the music!

It is stopped.

Oh. Well, don't start it up again.

I have some terrible news.

I was just talking to Marvin Himmelfarb.

Ooh, that is bad news.

Marvin's dad owns Himmelfarb Paint Company.

He told me Max might sell this place to his father,

and turn it into a paint store.

[GROANS]

Leave it to Burgers' a tradition.

We can't let it be turned into a paint store.

They'd be like turning the Washington monument

into a-- Into a water slide.

Does Max have to sell it to a paint company?

Why can't it be sold to somebody who'll keep it a restaurant?

I know, Alfonso.

By the way, where's Max?

Oh, he went down the block for a bite to eat.

[SIGHS]

Hey...

Wouldn't it be great if I could get my dad to buy this place?

Yeah, we'd be a couple of major dudes.

I can see it now.

Free food for us and our closest friends.

Our pictures on the menu.

The possibilities boggle my mind.

Course, there's one small problem.

Tons of girls would wanna go out with us.

That's a problem? Yeah.

We wouldn't know if they wanted us for ourselves

or for our milkshakes.

Here they come now.

Come on. Step lively. We're in a hurry. Chop, chop.

Okay.

Now we gotta be casual about this.

No hard sell.

You can count on me, babe.

They call me the Mellow Fellow. All right.

Hi, Dad.

Nice day, huh?

♪ Just once In a lifetime ♪

♪ A man knows a moment ♪ Alfonso.

♪ A wonderful moment When fate takes his hand ♪

Alfonso.

♪ And this is your moment ♪

Alfonso!

What is the meaning of this unprovoked show tune?

Well, heh,

what Mr. Mellow Fellow over here

is trying to say is that, Leave it to Burgers,

your eldest and only son's favorite hangout,

well, it's up for sale,

and Max is gonna sell it to a paint store.

You're kidding. That place is a landmark.

I used to hang out there when I was a kid.

I still do.

I can't believe they're gonna turn Leave it to Burgers

into a paint store.

Yeah. What are they gonna call it? Leave it to Latex?

Well, uh, me and Alfonso here,

we thought that you'd be the perfect guy to buy it.

Oh-oh, no, son. That's out of the question.

[OFF-KEY] ♪ Just once In a lifetime ♪

It was worth a sh*t.

Rick, you gotta understand. If I bought Leave it to Burgers,

I'd want to run it the best way I know how,

And that means I'd have to be there all the time,

and I just can't do that.

I'm sure you guys will find another hangout.

Like say, uh, Al's World of Weenies.

It won't be the same.

Al doesn't know how to talk to the kids.

All Al says is:

[IN GRUFF VOICE] "Hey kid, want kraut on that?"

It's an unfortunate situation, Edward.

We have to leave, you know. [DOORBELL RINGS]

Now what?

[LAUGHING]

Lulu! Oh! Oh, Edward!

Why didn't you tell me you were coming to town?

Because I wanted to see that silly look on your face.

And now I've seen it. Bye.

Everybody, this is Lulu Baker. Charmed. Let's go.

This lady is one of the most important people in my life.

She practically raised me from the time I was 8.

I almost think of her as my mom.

Oh, now, don't exaggerate it.

Here, you got a little smudge there.

And-- Don't slouch.

And when have you had a haircut last? [GIGGLES]

You haven't changed a bit. No, inde--

Oh, is this your Ricky?

Or did somebody wash Robert Redford in hot water?

[LAUGHS]

I like her. Yeah.

I like you. Hug me. Oh, give me a hug.

Mm. You must be Kate. [CHUCKLES]

Indeed.

Clear eyes. Seems healthy.

You got good bone structure.

I can also drive a stick shift.

She is perfect, Edward.

Heh. This is my business manager, Dexter Stuffins.

Pleased to meet you. Edward, we have to leave.

Relax, Stuffy.

That's Stuffins.

I know that. I was talking about your personality.

[LULU & EDWARD LAUGH]

Now, who is this?

I'm Stuffy's nephew.

Alfonso.

Hello, Alfonso.

Hello.

My, my. Love what you have done to the house, Edward.

This room looks so much bigger without the carousel.

Well, it was fun, but it made the cat nervous. Oh.

You remind me so much of your father

when he was a boy.

Do you have an invisible friend named Clarence too?

CHUCKLES]

Lulu, I-- I gave up Clarence when I was 5 years old.

Isn't that right, Ralph?

So, Lulu, what brings you back to Shallow Springs?

Oh, I've been knocking around Europe for about a year.

Ever since my darling husband, William, d*ed.

So I decided to give those folks on the continent a little rest

and come back to Shallow Springs and shake things up for a while.

Well, you are gonna stay right in our guesthouse

and shake to your heart's content.

Good deal, Deal. Deal.

Now where's your luggage?

On some 747 headed for Cairo, Tokyo,

Oslo... One of the O places.

Your luggage may not show up for days.

I know. What a marvelous excuse to go on a shopping spree.

Ah... [CHUCKLES]

We'll take you to the shopping center.

Will you? Yeah, we'll be your escorts.

Well, thank you.

We'll drop you off on the way to our meeting.

and meet you back here tonight.

[WATCH BEEPS] And not a moment too soon.

There's the Tardy beep.

Oh, keep your powder dry, stuffy.

I'm in as much hurry as you are.

And why is that?

Honey, I only have one hour left on my 18-hour girdle.

Come on, children.

[FUNKY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, this is our hangout.

Leave it to Burgers. Hi, Max.

Hey! Hi, fellas.

I haven't had a good American hamburger in 10 years.

Well, what's one more day?

The food's lousy, but it's a great place to hang out.

Oh, well. Come on, there's an empty table.

All right.

Oh, I just love this wild dancin'.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my, what a marvelous place

for all you kids to get together.

Boys, girls...

...and all the above.

Lulu, where did you and your husband live in Europe?

[SIGHS] Madrid, Rome, Paris.

What'd you do in those places? We ran restaurants.

♪ Just once In a life-- ♪

Sorry to interrupt.

Have you heard the terrible news?

This fabulous restaurant is gonna be sold

and become a paint store.

That's awful, Rick. Yeah.

Where will us kids hang out, in the wallpaper section?

They'd never allow that,

so unless some nice person comes along and buys it,

we'll end up hanging around in that parking lot

across the street.

And you know what happens to kids

when they have nothing to do on an empty parking lot.

Pretty soon, hubcaps start lookin' real attractive.

Yeah, and the next thing you know,

you're into a life of crime.

And who knows where we'll end up.

Probably in the big house. Or worse, the chair.

[BOTH IMITATE ELECTROCUTION]

All right, all right, you guys.

So you want Lulu to buy this place?

Hey, why didn't we think of that?

Well, it's a lovely joint. BOYS: Yeah.

But the location is the pits. [BOYS GROAN]

Course, when I'm cooking, folks come from miles around.

Yeah! Yeah!

But this will cost a lot of money to buy.

[BOYS GROAN]

But then again...

...Lulu's loaded. All right!

Tell you what, I'll think about it.

Great!

I think you'll find this sales contract in order

per our discussion over the past few days.

Uh, sign all 12 contracts as indicated,

check the changes I've initialed,

and initial the changes I've checked. Ahem.

You're just so complicated.

When I bought the place 40 years ago, it was a handshake deal.

I shook hands, and I said, "Thanks for the place, Dad."

[MAX & EDWARD CHUCKLE]

Well, this is perfect. Max is getting what he wants.

Lulu's getting what she wants.

Kids are getting what they want.

And I'm getting... free hamburgers.

Half price.

Ah.

Hi. Look what we got.

EDWARD: Look at this.

My, my! Now that's some cake.

We baked it ourselves.

So, I, uh... I wouldn't advise actually eating it.

Yeah, it came out a little lopsided.

I think your kitchen's tilted, Mr. Stratton.

People, can we get back to the business here, please?

Oh! Oh, yes!

So, Max, mm, what are you gonna do now?

The wife and I are gonna travel.

We're gonna get into our Winnebago and hit the open road.

We've worked together for 40 years.

Now, we're gonna enjoy life together.

We're gonna share our golden years,

just the two of us.

It's really gonna be wonderful.

EDWARD: Wonderful. RICKY: Sounds great.

I'm sorry. Max, I-I made a mistake.

I can't go through with it.

I can't go through with this.

I'm sorry.

Please excuse me.

AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR [ON TV]: Okay, you've got 20 minutes. Let's really push it.

[UP TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ON TV] Five more minutes.

Let's go. Go for the burn!

Hard. Go hard. No Pain, no gain.

Harder. Harder. Go for the burn.

Harder. Harder. Harder.

Hi. Dad, what's with all the flowers?

[PANTING] What...Lulu...got up early...

and then...

What?

He said Lulu got up early and did all this.

She's full... of surprise...

She's full of surprises.

I'll say. I really thought she was gonna buy the hangout.

Yeah, your dad talked to her about that.

What did she say, Edward?

[PANTING CONTINUES] She...

decided she...rushed into it.. Ah, she...

She decided she rushed into it too quickly.

AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR: Okay, that's it for the warm-up.

Now let's do it for real.

Leg breaks. Let's go!

And forward, and two and three and...

Whoo! ...four and...

[SHOUTS] ...and two and three...

Dad! Edward!

That was an...accident.

[GROANS]

Aren't you home awfully early?

Didn't you go to the hangout?

Nah, it's not fun going,

when you know in just a few days,

it's gonna be a paint store. Aww.

I tried, but it was just... Just too painful.

Son, I know you're disappointed, but listen,

you gotta understand it was Lulu's decision.

She just wants to enjoy her retirement.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

Whoa!

Hey! Oh!

Good evening, everyone.

Good evening. Now this is what I've always dreamed of doing.

Coming back to Shallow Springs, relaxing, working in the garden.

And I finally got started on my autobiography,

Here Comes Lulu.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm just glad you're having a good time.

I am. And I got a gift for you. And for you, Kate.

Hoo!

I'm sorry I disappointed you last night.

But I just wanna relax a while.

It's okay.

Thanks for understanding.

These smell so good.

[SNIFFS]

Like roast pork.

Yeah, they do.

Lulu. LULU: Hmm?

You didn't. I did.

[LAUGHING]

[LUAU MUSIC PLAYING ON BOOMBOX]

Yes! Oh, my!

Lulu, what are you doing up?

It's gotta be 2 in the morning.

I couldn't sleep.

Oh. Well, I'm up 'cause I got the munchies,

so I thought I'd pig out on some pig, heh.

Something wrong?

No, no, no. I'm just sitting here, thinking.

I was thinking how wonderful my life is.

How much fun retirement is.

How I can look in that sweet little face

and lie like a weasel caught in a hen house.

Come on. Come on, sit here with me.

And let's commiserate.

I'll sit down, but I'm not sure I know how to commiserate.

How am I doing?

Well, the fact is, I'm, um...

H-how do you young people say,

I'm bummed to the max?

You just seem so happy.

The luau, the gardening, your autobiography.

Hm. Let me show you something.

Just let me show you something.

[GRUNTS]

Here, read that.

"I was born in 1918."

And-and then-- Then I tried this approach.

"I was born in 1931."

That's my favorite.

This is good. You're doing great.

Richard,

how can you lie to this sweet little face?

Lulu, if you're so upset, why don't you just unretire?

Rick, it is not the retirement.

Then what is it?

I'm afraid.

Afraid of what?

I'm afraid of being alone.

I miss my darling husband William...

...so badly.

It really upset yesterday when Max started talking about him

and his wife spending the rest of their golden years together,

didn't it? Yeah.

Yeah.

I wish you could have known William, my darling William.

You would've loved him.

He used to play the saxophone.

Every Christmas-- He taught your dad how to play trombone.

And he would talk and talk, and, well, he would tell jokes...

eh, badly.

And he used to laugh.

Oh, he used to laugh.

He laughed so hard,

and everybody had just had to laugh with him.

He would... Oh, ha-ha-ha!

He would laugh and laugh, and, oh...

Oh, why did he have to go and leave me alone?

[SIGHS]

My dad told me a person never really dies.

He lives inside of you.

You take 'em wherever you go.

Your dad's a very smart man.

He had a good teacher.

You told them that the day his mom d*ed.

I remember.

He also told me a person's never alone

if somebody loves 'em. Mm-hm.

And we all love you very much.

Come here.

You know what you just did. What?

Your first commiseration.

I did? Yes! I feel better.

How much better?

I feel like I could eat a pig.

Yeah!

Here you are, fellas, your last milkshake.

You're really gonna hang up your ice cream scooper, Max?

I wanna quit while I still have my wrist.

Here's goodbye

to the best hangout I ever hung out in.

Aah!

A lot of memories here.

That's where I first met Cindy Sue Dockweiler.

That's where I first kissed Cindy Sue.

And that's where I broke up with Cindy Sue.

And met Betty Rambo, heh.

What a weekend.

Dad, what are you doing here?

What do you mean? We got your message.

What message?

Well, to come here right away?

It says, "Urgent, important, and don't dilly dally."

I would never use the words "dilly dally."

Then who sent the message?

Beats me.

ALL: Lulu!

Your new owner and proprietress.

All right! No, you're kidding!

[CHUCKLING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Why didn't you tell us?

Well, I just wanted to see that silly look on his face.

What changed your mind?

Just say I got some good advice from a good friend.

Like father, like son.

Gorgeous, you got a quarter?

Yeah.

Put it in H 11, and all of you sit down

because I have got something to tell you.

You too, Max. All right.

Edward...

♪ Get your old tuxedo pressed ♪

♪ Put a button on your best ♪

♪ Tomorrow night I'm open door ♪

♪ You got to look Your best ♪

♪ Lulu's back in town ♪

♪ Max, get a half a buck Somewhere ♪

♪ Listen, shine your shoes ♪

♪ Slick your hair ♪

♪ How about a boutonniere? ♪

♪ 'Cause Lulu's back in town ♪

♪ Rick Tell your little pets ♪

♪ You tell All those Harlem coquettes ♪

♪ Mr. Otis regrets He won't be around ♪

How about the mailman?

♪ He'd better not call ♪

♪ We may not be open Till fall ♪

♪ Lord knows We may not open at all ♪

♪ But Lulu's back ♪

♪ Hey, hey, Lulu's back ♪

♪ Getting hot ♪

♪ Lulu's back in... ♪

You.

[LAUGHS]

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪ ♪ Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪