03x19 - Trouble with Words

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MAIN TITLE

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[GROANS AND SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Spears thinks left.

Swings wide.

Two seconds, one second.

He puts up a skyhook from 40 feet.

Hey.

And hits a spectator in the head.

Alfonso, I know every time we get together to study

we never actually study.

But I have to finish this report on All the President's Men.

Where are you with Moby d*ck?

Rick, Bruce Jenner, a big Olympic champion,

is gonna be at this house any minute.

I just can't concentrate

on a book about a big white fish

with an attitude problem.

Mrs. Schlindwein thinks you have an attitude problem.

"If your book report isn't in by tomorrow,

it will seriously affect your overall grade."

You're right. I better lock it down and finish this.

Yeah. You don't want Mrs. Schlindwein

to have one of her snit fits.

Man, this is too boring.

[PLAYS MUSIC ON STEREO]

Alfonso, I'm trying to study.

What are you doing?

I just wanted to try out this new move

for the school talent contest.

Well, I wanna finish this thing.

Why is a stupid book report so important?

That talent contest is what's important.

Do you know who's gonna be in the audience?

Freddy's mother's cousin's sister-in-law's husband.

And he's an agent, all the way from Hollywood.

Freddy says he represents Charo. You know?

"Cuchi-cuchi."

Do you know what I just wrote?

"At the heart of the Watergate scandal,

President Nixon proclaimed, 'I am not a cuchi-cuchi.'"

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You're not Bruce Jenner.

And you're not Mary Lou Retton.

Well? What do you think?

Well, looks suitably athletic.

I'm sure Mr. Jenner will be proud

to lend his name to this equipment.

Oh, I hope so. I'm real happy with the way it came out.

Come on, Dex, give it a whirl.

I can't get an adequate bounce in wingtips.

Oh, come on, come on. Edward, come on.

Don't be so stodgy all your life. Come on.

Up, down, let's go. Hey!

Ha, ha, ha! How's that feel, huh?

Now I know what it feels like to be popcorned. Come on.

Hey. Give me a hand with these.

Watch this.

Let's see here. What are you doing?

Bruce Jenner's gonna be here any minute.

Well, so, what if he does come in?

He'll just see how much fun Eddie Toys Exercise Stuff is.

Okay, now, let see...

[MUMBLES] Okay.

Just give me a hand up here. Push from here.

Oh, that's good. All right. Okay. Okay.

[LAUGHS]

This is great.

Hey, look, the trampoline is on the ceiling.

Nice shoes.

Yours too. [LAUGHS]

Okay, I've about had it.

Ah. There we go. [MUSIC PLAYS FAR OFF]

What's going on up there? Whoa!

Wait. Dex, wait a minute!

Wait nothing. Alfonso's supposed

to be doing his book report,

not listening to some wretched clatter.

Yeah, but, Dex!

Hey, Dex! Dex!

Dex!

Dexter!

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Will you please shut this thing off?

[MUSIC STOPS]

Alfonso, how do you explain this dancing?

Well, I was doing a triple time step,

followed by a double loop--

No, no, no. I've had it with your flippancy, boy.

Come over here. Let me tell you a little thing.

In the six months you have been in my charge,

I have received, I don't know

how many notices from your teachers.

Alfonso doesn't pay attention. Alfonso doesn't do his homework.

Alfonso hasn't read the required material.

What gets me is these are the same teachers

who tell you, "If you don't have anything nice to say,

don't say it at all."

Hey, we needed a break.

All work and no play makes Alfonso a dull dude.

Oh, yeah?!

Well, all play and no work make Alfonso a dancing dunce.

Look, I was just showing Rick my latest move

for the school talent contest.

Better start concentrating more on your studies

than on some talent contest battle.

But I can be a great dancer.

Do you know what an average dancer earns?

Bubkes.

I have a hunch these bubkes is even less than diddly-squat.

You're a Stuffins, man.

You come from a tradition of accomplishment

and academic excellence.

What about Uncle Moe?

He's the exception that proves the rule.

Now get to work.

Okay, okay.

And show a little enthusiasm.

Listen, work hard, and when Bruce Jenner gets here,

we'll take a little break, okay?

Kate's here with Bruce Jenner!

Break time!

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

Edward.

Hello.

Uh. This is my husband, Edward Stratton III.

He likes to hang out.

Well, nice to meet you.

Oh, thank you. Nice to meet you.

Are you stuck? Uh...

Yes. I-- [LAUGHS]

Boy, is my face red.

I'll say.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Ah!

Ah! [EXHALES]

Boy. Next time I think I'll read the directions first. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, Bruce Jenner,

I'd like you to meet Dexter Stuffins.

Not Dexter the Barefoot Breeze Stuffins.

You've heard of me? [CHUCKLES]

Actually, my triumphs in the Harvard track team

were insignificant.

But what an honor to be known

by a world-class athlete like yourself.

Actually, I mentioned your nickname

to Bruce in the car. [CHUCKLES]

Oh.

Hi, I'm Rick Stratton.

Nice to meet you, Rick. Same here, Mr. Jenner.

I'm glad to see you stay in shape after the Olympics.

I mean, you didn't flab out.

Well, I still throw an occasional javelin or two.

Speaking of javelins,

my name is Alfonso Spears, Mr. Jenner.

Hey, how come you're not wearing your gold medal?

Oh, come on, Alfonso... Well--

...well, he wouldn't wear a medal like that all the time.

Well, actually, I did for a couple of years.

But every time I'd go to the beach,

I'd get this big white circle

right there on my chest.

Can you believe these kids?

They've been so excited

ever since I told them you were coming.

Yeah, you didn't bring the medal, did you?

Took a sh*t. [CHUCKLES]

Those '67 Olympics must have been real exciting.

Well, they were, but give me a break, Alfonso.

It was '76, not '67.

Huh.

I could have sworn I read it was '67.

Well, I think Bruce would know, Alfonso.

May I have your autograph? Sure. And is it Richard or Rick?

"To Rick, my best pal in the whole world.

The inspiration for all my victories.

A great human being."

How about, "Best wishes"?

I'll take it.

We'd love to spend all day chitchatting,

but we got to get to dinner, guys.

Yeah. Oh.

Come on, Bruce.

See you later.

Aren't you guys gonna come with us?

Nah. They don't want us around while they're buttering you up.

Yeah.

Kids. Ha!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Alfonso, come over here a minute.

I don't want any fooling around.

I want that report by tomorrow morning

or else you won't be able to compete

in that talent contest.

[IN SPANISH] ¿Comprende?

What a grouch.

Hey, Rick, how about a quick game of Pac-Man?

Aren't you worried about your book report?

I'll finish it somehow.

It's just that I can't get into it right now.

Look, do you wanna talk about it?

I read Moby d*ck. I'll give you some help.

Do you think I need help?

Sometimes when I'm stuck on something,

it helps to talk it over with somebody.

Who says I need your help?

I can do this report myself.

I know you can do it yourself-- Then why did you offer?

I don't know. Especially now.

It's because you think I'm stupid, isn't it?

I don't understand this conversation.

Maybe I'm so stupid, you can't even understand me.

What's with this stupid stuff?

You're one of the smartest guys I know.

That's not funny.

Why are you so mad? I sad you're smart.

I know what you think so you don't have to lie to me.

Alfonso, I di-- I don't need you.

I don't need any of this.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Hey, son.

Where's Alfonso? Dex is waiting for him outside.

He went home. Ah.

Dex, he went home already! Okay, thanks. Good night.

Good night. Wait, wait!

Dexter, here's Alfonso's book.

Watch out for the fountain! [DEXTER SCREAMS]

[WATER SPLASHING]

Dad.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, good news, son.

Bruce Jenner likes our home fitness concept,

he's gonna test out all the equipment.

If it meets with his approval, he'll put his name on it.

Aha--

Try to control your enthusiasm.

Something bothering you?

Alfonso got mad at me for something I said.

What did you say? I said he was smart.

Ah.

I'll tell you, Dad, sometimes you try to be nice

and you end up with bubkes.

Well, maybe it's the way you said it.

Your remember when I wore that sweater

with the pheasant on the front,

and you said to me, "Nice sweater"? [LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]

But, Dad, I didn't say, "You're smart:" [LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]

I said, "You're smart."

And I really think he is smart.

I don't know what happened. He got mad and stormed out.

Well, Dexter's been driving him pretty hard lately.

Today in the car, he said to me, "Edward, curses,

that boy is an academic disaster."

He just can't concentrate.

I offered to help him with his schoolwork,

but he wouldn't let me. [SIGHS]

I don't know what to do.

Well, you know, sometimes all you can do for a friend

is understand what he's going through.

I think Alfonso is probably

just going through that rebellious stage,

seeking his own identity.

Away from Dexter.

You're right.

Good night, son.

Where are you going?

Well, I thought I'd grab a sandwich,

maybe catch some TV.

Forget it, it's bedtime.

Yeah, but, Dad, I'm at that rebellious age.

Seeking my own identity?

Seek it in bed.

Good night.

Good night, son.

Mmh?!

Mmh.

Mmh?!

I don't understand this clause here.

Which one is that?

"If the party of the second part throws a party,

the party of the first part agrees to appear at the party

of the second part's party."

That merely means if you give a party to promote the product,

Bruce will appear there.

Why don't lawyers just say what they mean?

Then you wouldn't need them.

BOTH: Mmh!

I was outside watching Bruce testing your equipment.

Yeah? Showed me how to sh*t-put.

Oh, how did you do, Rick?

Well, I didn't throw it real straight.

You know that cement statue of the lady holding a basket?

Yeah?

Now it looks like a lady panhandling.

I better get to school now.

Guess Alfonso's not coming by this morning.

Oh, no, he'll be any minute.

He's finishing his report.

Edward, I took to heart

what you said to me on the way home last night.

Instead of railing at the lad,

I controlled my temper, I reasoned with him.

Worked much better.

He stayed up late last night, and he's using this morning

to make his paper absolutely perfect.

I'm glad to hear that, Dex.

BRUCE: Fore!

Boy, Bruce can really throw that discus.

Hey, no problem, Bruce! I'll return it to you!

[OBJECT BREAKING]

Well... [CLEARS THROAT]

now she's a headless panhandler.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi, Alfonso.

Hi. Sorry I got so mad last night.

It's okay, you big jerk face.

I knew you'd understand, horse breath.

I hate sticky sentimentality.

I do too, buffalo brain.

We better get to school. Yup. See you. Bye.

Hold a minute.

I believe you've forgotten something.

Forgotten something?

Oh, yeah.

Goodbye.

The report. May I see it?

Don't you trust me? Of course I trust you.

Give me the report.

This is it?

One page?

Gettysburg Address was short.

Even though Lincoln wrote that address

in the back of an envelope while riding on a train,

his handwriting had to be better than this.

Let's hope the content is acceptable.

"Moby d*ck saw a very good book."

No. That's "Moby d*ck was a good book."

You have "saw."

"Moby d*ck was a very good book about a sea captain named Ahab

who saw this large white whale he had to catch

which is sorta like the bat tail between dab and goob."

No, that should be the battle between bad and good.

Well, that's a very good point. That's what this book is about.

This paper is atrocious.

Now, Dex... No, no.

Don't defend him. You're always defending him.

He can't go on like this.

When are you gonna grow up? When are you gonna grow up?

You have shown an utter lack of discipline.

I did the best I could.

Ah! Listen, you can't enter that talent contest.

No way.

Please don't do that to me, Uncle Dexter.

I wanted to write a good book report,

but I just couldn't.

I don't know what's the matter with me.

I get so frustrated, I just have to give up.

ALFONSO: I couldn't even read the book.

The words get all mixed up.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

I'm stupid.

I can't do anything right.

All I can do right is dance.

School problem.

I understand.

If you found the equipment satisfactory,

we have the contracts for you to sign.

Yeah, please, here, sit. [CLEARS THROAT]

Is this Alfonso's paper? Yes.

Mind if I take a look at it? It's a trifle embarrassing.

Has your nephew ever been tested for a learning disability?

Oh, no, no, no. I don't think that's the problem.

Although when he break-dances,

he does do a lot of spinning on his head.

Alfonso's a very bright kid.

He's just going through a rough time right now.

Yes. He's away from his mother and he's at a new school.

Well, I can't say for sure, but there are certain signs here.

Look at how his handwriting is all cramped.

His B's and D's are mixed up.

Look at this E, it's backwards.

And he put "saw" instead of writing "was".

And he spells a lot of words phonetically.

And you remember yesterday when he reversed '76 to '67?

Well, that is nothing more than a lack of concentration.

Well, I can't be positive,

but it looks like to me Alfonso may have dyslexia.

Dyslexia? Isn't that where you can't read?

No, you see everything backwards.

No, it's not exactly like that.

Oh, no.

This can't be happening.

If he can't read, he'll never accomplish anything.

He'll end up being one of those poor desperate people

who live their lives out of shopping carts.

Or he may win a gold medal at the Olympics.

You had dyslexia?

Well, I am dyslexic.

You never really outgrow it.

With a lot of hard work, you can overcome it.

Then there's hope? Oh, of course.

If I could get Alfonso to put as much energy into this studies

as he does into his dancing.

Alfonso's good at dancing?

He's radical.

Then I'd encourage him to do more.

It'll give him that self-confidence

and success that he needs

to feel good about himself. That's what sports did for me.

I guess we're going to school now.

Alfonso, come here a minute.

What did I do now? DEXTER: Nothing.

Listen, Alfonso,

there may be a reason why you haven't been able to concentrate

on your schoolwork.

Mr. Jenner seems to think

you might have a learning disability.

It's called dyslexia.

You mean there's something wrong with my brain?

No. No, your brain works fine.

And your eyes work fine,

but it seems like somewhere along the line,

the words seem to get all mixed up.

Yeah, exactly.

You know how I know that? How?

I've got the same problem.

And Mr. Jenner's life turned out pretty good.

There are a lot better examples than me.

People like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein,

Leonardo da Vinci, Hans Christian Andersen.

Wow. And I thought I was just stupid.

How do you fix it, Mr. Jenner?

First, you get some special help at school.

But it's gonna be tough. Tougher than your dancing

because your dancing comes natural to you.

Just like sports did for me.

And you get the cheer of the crowd,

you get encouragement from your friends.

But when you're working on your reading and writing,

there's no cheering crowds when you finish a paragraph.

You have to find all that strength

from down deep inside.

Well, if dyslexia is good enough for you,

it's good enough for me.

Thanks, Mr. Jenner. All right.

Listen, if you three can proceed without me,

I'm gonna take Alfonso to his guidance counselor.

Bruce. Thank you very much, my friend.

Hey, Dex, aren't you forgetting something?

The talent contest?

You gotta let Alfonso enter.

If you don't, you know who's gonna win?

Bernie Sproder playing "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go"

using spoons and water glasses.

Alfonso, I hereby rescind my former edict.

You can go to the talent contest.

Yeah! All right!

Come on, let's go to school.

See you later. Bye.

[PLAYS ENDING THEME]

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